Chapter Text
Sometimes before a big moment, you get this dread in the pit of your stomach. It overwhelms you, it fills you with an unyielding sense of fear and trepidation. Sometimes it’s cripples you to the point that you need to crawl into a small corner and just sit there until the feeling passes. Other times, you have to fight through the fear and overcome it.
Lexa stood on the precipice of those two extremes right now. She wanted to crawl into a corner and just hide until she didn’t feel like her body was giving out but she also wanted to fight through this and get what she’d been thinking about for months now.
Finals had come and gone and summer was here now. Lexa hadn’t managed to pull her grade up in algebra enough to pass the class but the teacher took sympathy on her and worked out a summer program for her so as long as she passed that she’d be a senior come September.
Clarke and Bellamy had already promised her they’d do whatever they could to help her as long as she promised to spend a good portion of the summer relaxing by the pool with them. They had watched her struggle and fight through the school year, they both knew she deserved the chance to relax.
Lexa had quickly found how much she loved sunbathing by the pool and just generally being outside in the nice weather so the deal with Bellamy and Clarke was easy to accept.
She was still self-conscious about her body so Raven had taken her shopping for bathing suits. She discovered that she was comfortable in a bikini top as long as she had board shorts with them.
Raven had managed to keep the ridiculous comments to a minimum as Lexa tried on different options, which Lexa considered to be a victory in of itself.
The first day she wore the outfit to the pool she noticed Clarke’s staring at her not so discreetly so she knew it was a good choice.
Lexa knew what she wanted to do. She knew what she was dying to do. Finding the courage to actually do it was the hard part. Even though she was almost positive the feelings she was having were completely and totally mutual, she couldn’t find it in herself to act on it.
She didn’t know the right way to go about it and the last thing she wanted was to do something wrong. She thought about asking Bellamy for more advice but even that terrified her. She knew Bellamy had allowed her to open up about it a few weeks ago but she wasn’t sure if that opportunity was still there.
Raven had hinted at the subject when she took Lexa shopping but she avoided discussing it with her. She didn’t want to talk about her feelings with other people just yet, she really wanted to talk to Clarke about them, but couldn’t get herself there yet. She had worked up what she thought was enough courage and motivation to do it multiple times only to back down when she was finally in front of Clarke.
She had been working all week to get to the point where she could finally show Clarke how she felt when it all fell away. Jake and Abby had decided to take the whole family on vacation to their family lake house. The annnouncement took the wind right out of Lexa’s sails. She had been talking herself up for days, planning on finally going through with her plans for this weekend, but now they’d be driving to Virginia Beach to spend two weeks relaxing as a family.
Lexa didn’t really know what to think about all of this. She’d never been on a real vacation before. She’d only ever been out of the state once and that because one of her foster moms was picking up drugs right outside of state lines.
Now she’d be going away with a real family for fun and enjoyment. She didn’t know what to expect but she assumed she was going to get to have some fun and who knows, maybe this vacation would give the girls the chance to finally finish this journey they were on.
“All packed?” Lexa heard behind her as she pulled her suitcase onto the bed. The voice sent chills down her spine and caused a bright smile to break out on her face. She spun around and greeted Clarke who was leaning casually in the doorway watching what Lexa was doing.
“I think so. I don’t know if I brought enough clothes or not,” she explained sitting on the bed next to the suitcase. Clarke made her way over, unzipping the bag and looking to see what Lexa had packed.
“I think you should be good. If not, you can always wear some of mine, I over packed,” she reassured zipping it back up and sitting down next to Lexa. Clarke didn’t even hesitate to reach out and take Lexa’s hand, intertwining their fingers immediately. Lexa couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she felt that warmth that only Clarke could ever bring spread up her arm and down the rest of her body. She noticed Clarke fidget slightly next to her and gave her a questioning look.
“I was hoping you’d drive with me. Mom and Dad are taking one car and Bell insisted on driving his truck with Raven. I thought maybe me and you could-,” Clarke started but Lexa’s answer in the affirmative cut her off.
“Yes, absolutely yes,” she knew she sounded too enthusiastic but the goofy smile Clarke gave off afterwards made it worth it.
The ride itself took forever in Lexa’s opinion, not that she was complaining about that. It was a glorious eleven hours spent cooped up in a car with Clarke singing along with the playlists Clarke had made for the ride. Clarke took Lexa’s hand when they got into the car and it stayed that way the entire ride, only breaking apart when they all stopped for lunch and to stretch their legs at the hallway point.
Lexa was pretty sure Raven and Clarke had never been to a rest stop this run down before judging by the looks on their faces as they walked into the building. Raven turned immediately with a look of horror on her face and pulled both Lexa and Clarke to the bathroom with her, claiming she wasn’t going to go anywhere in this place alone.
“If I’m going to die in this hellhole, you two are coming with me.”
Lexa laughed at the irony of the situation, to her this place looked decent compared to what she had previously been used to. She guessed it really had to do with perspective. They didn’t stay there long and opted to use the vending machines to get food rather than buy something from the questionable cafeteria food they were serving.
Jake and Abby promised to take them all to a nice dinner when they get to Virginia Beach before climbing back in their cars and taking off to finish the trip. Lexa offered to drive for a portion of the way but Clarke politely declined the offer.
“I like driving,” Clarke answered simply, starting the car back up and going to follow right behind her parents. Their hands connected again quickly. Lexa kept a tight grip on Clarke, loving the feel of the connection they had. She knew this was going to be a good two weeks, at least she was going to do everything within her power to make it amazing.
They arrived to the beach house around midnight and they quickly agreed they were all too tired to do much of anything but go right to bed. Lexa stopped in front of the large house and stared in awe for a long few minutes. It was a beautiful white house with a large wrap around porch and the beach right in the backyard.
There was a small dock connected to the beach with four jet skis and a small speed boat anchored down. She could hear Raven and Bellamy yelling about getting to ride the jet skis but the voices seemed far away. She was so awestruck at the large house in front of her.
She didn’t feel Clarke sneak up behind her until her arms were wrapped around her midsection and her front was pressed directly against her back. She felt warm breath hitting her neck and knew Clarke had placed her head just over her shoulder. She had her head angled in so her next words were spoken directly into Lexa’s ear.
“It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” she whispered but Lexa was so lost in the feeling of being that close to Clarke she wasn’t able to process what the girl had said to her. Her entire body was completely hyperaware of every touch and every move Clarke made. The air that passed by her ear as the girl spoke sent noticeable shivers down Lexa's body causing Clarke to hold her that much closer.
“There are four rooms, you’re going to have to bunk with me. I didn’t think you’d mind,” Clarke’s tone almost felt playful to Lexa. It definitely didn’t help the chills that were running rampant over her skin.
“I don’t,” Lexa managed to get out, not really knowing where she had got any words from. Her brain was a mushy mess right now and her heart actually felt like it was beating right through her rib cage. She wasn’t really sure how she was going ever make the move to further their relationship when she got this flustered and out of sorts by just being around Clarke.
“Good, let’s get our stuff inside so we can get into pajamas and get into bed. I’m sure all the rooms have been claimed by now so let’s go see what they left us,” Clarke whispered to her again, not actually pulling away from her. Her grip actually felt tighter until she let out a small sigh and pulled away.
Lexa felt the loss instantly, her body was cold and the haziness that Clarke had caused in her mind dissipated.
Lexa was stuck still for a moment, still getting her bearings back. It amazed her that Clarke was still able to have this great of an effect on her after all this time but she didn’t really question it anymore. She watched Clarke pull the bags from the trunk of her car and went over to help, grabbing a few and following her into the house.
She was immediately hit with a warm cinnamon smell that seemed to float throughout the entire house. She looked around at the darkened room and smiled. She was looking forward to touring the house in the morning but for right now, she was looking forward to getting into her pajamas and getting into bed with Clarke.
The room that was left to the two girls was larger than either of their rooms at home. It had a bathroom directly attached and after a quick glimpse inside, Lexa noticed there was hot tub. The ideas that popped into her mind to help along her plan were endless now that she knew there was a hot tub in the bathroom just for them. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard.
“Here,” Clarke told her coming up behind Lexa with a pair of shorts and a tank top in her hands. Lexa took the clothing and changed in the bathroom. She took a minute to compose her nerves before she went back out. She had figured out how to get a good grip on her emotions quicker than she used to be able to. Her nerves settled as she looked in the mirror at herself.
Her hair was thrown into a messy bun and her clothes sat well on her body. She was void of make up as she usually was. She only wore it on special occasions and usually Clarke or Raven put it on her.
She found Clarke already changed and in bed, laying on her back staring up at the ceiling seemingly waiting for Lexa to come out of the bathroom. The nerves Lexa had quelled a few moments ago in the bathroom returned full force as she slid in next to Clarke. She took a deep breath as subtly as possible, trying not to let Clarke in on the nerves she was feeling.
Clarke turned to face her as she settled in, giving her a bright smile that made Lexa return one just as bright. Even after the long drive and the late hour the last thing on Lexa’s mind was sleeping and she got the impression Clarke was right there with her.
Lexa took another breath before turning to face Clarke. She didn’t realize just how close they’d end up after she turned. She ended up barely a few inches away from Clarke. She was so close she could see the specks of green in Clarke’s blue eyes. The moonlight was passing through the curtains enough to fall across Clarke’s face and illuminate the unique color.
Lexa sat mesmerized for a few minutes, never breaking the eye contact. Neither girl moved at all, they both were stuck in the gaze of the other. Lexa could see Clarke’s eyes dilate slightly before her gaze fell to her lips. It was a slight movement that Lexa would have missed if she wasn’t looking directly into Clarke’s eyes.
Almost subconsciously Lexa let her eyes fall briefly to Clarke’s lips, noticing just how easy it would be for her to reach out and finally kiss her. To finally do what had been plaguing her mind for months now. All she wanted was to lean forward slightly and feel those lips against hers, even if just for a brief moment.
She’d played the moment over and over in her head in the last months, always thinking about what she would do and how it would happen. She had tried to plan it, she had tried to make it something special, but as she lay in bed next to Clarke in that moment, she knew all her planning and thinking had been for nothing. This was the moment. No planning or big gesture was needed.
Lexa should have known big gestures wouldn’t matter when the time really came. It had always been the little things for the two of them. The small hand holds, the barely there touches, the quiet but strong presences. It was the little gestures that meant everything to them and as they lay next to each other, looking deep into the opposite’s eyes, the little gesture was about to mean everything.
Lexa didn’t know who moved in first, she didn’t remember much of anything as Clarke’s lips landed gently against her own. It was calm at first, just a simple brushing of lips over hers. She immediately could taste the mango lip gloss Clarke had on and decided it was by far the best thing she had ever tasted in her life.
They each waited for the other to pull away, to react badly, but neither did. After a few moments of just brushing their lips gently together, barely even moving, Lexa felt Clarke’s hand cup the back of her neck and suddenly she was flying. Suddenly her body was on fire and full of chills and frozen all at once.
Suddenly she was home.
The kiss was everything Lexa had ever dreamed of. It was intense and unassuming. It was calm but powerful. It was overwhelming but leveling. Her mind was going a mile a minute trying to keep up with the clearly much more experienced Clarke was, but she could tell Clarke was teaching as she was kissing.
She kept the rhythm of the kiss steady, letting Lexa stay right with her. Her brain was purely and completely mush at this point. Her thoughts were solely revolving around the kiss. She knew her hands should be incorporated into the mix somehow, but she was at a complete loss as to what she should do with them. She didn’t really know how Clarke noticed her predicament but she felt Clarke’s hand leave her neck suddenly and grab one of hers bringing it down to rest against her hip.
That was one of the biggest things about Clarke that drew Lexa in. She always seemed to know what Lexa needed. She knew when Lexa was panicking internally and always knew how to make that panic disappear like it was nothing. Clarke just knew Lexa and it was undeniably attractive.
Lexa found a little courage after that, letting her thumb rub gently against the skin that was revealed. She could feel Clarke shiver slightly as she rubbed the smooth skin underneath her hand. Their lips never separated as Clarke’s hand came back up to Lexa’s neck. It played with her the hair at the back of her neck slightly before running down and cupping her cheek.
She could feel the gentleness Clarke was putting into the kiss and it made her heart beat that much quicker. Lexa felt like she was being treasured and appreciated and it made her want to stay in this moment for the rest of forever.
The last thing Lexa wanted to do in that moment was pull away. She had finally got the kiss she had been dreaming about for months but air was becoming too much of a necessity. Her lungs were beginning to burn and the already present lightheadedness in her brain was getting to be too much. She didn’t think it would be a good idea to pass out on Clarke after she finally got to kiss her.
She pulled back from the kiss slightly, putting only a few inches between them so she could get air back into her lungs. Clarke seemed to think that distance was still too far and scooted herself even closer, pressing their bodies tight together and resting her forehead against Lexa’s.
Both girls were struggling to get air back into their lungs but neither complained for a second.
“Wow,” Clarke husked out, clearly not capable of saying much more than that. Lexa could only nod in agreement, her boggled mind was so far from able to form words it wasn’t even funny. Lexa was lucky that she remembered how to breathe at this point.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Clarke whispered, her hand still running over Lexa’s cheek. Lexa’s hand never stopped drawing small circles against Clarke’s hip, neither girl was ready to not be touching the other one.
“I think I might have an idea,” Lexa told her, impressing herself by actually managing a full sentence. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess that was completely centered on Clarke’s lips. She wanted to feel them again, she wanted to never forget that feeling.
She knew there was a really good chance that she would never forget that moment for as long as she lived, but she wasn’t taking any chances. She wanted those lips permanently engrained in her mind. She wanted to be able to close her eyes and feel those lips against hers forever.
There was a very obvious and intense tingling in her lips that she was only beginning to feel now that her brain was beginning to return from the haze Clarke had put her in. She tried to gauge how Clarke was handling all of this but all she could see was a bright smile on her face.
“Can I do that again?” Lexa asked quietly, almost afraid that she was going to be turned down. She didn’t really know what Clarke was thinking, all she could see was the smile.
For all she knew, Clarke had wanted to feel that once and get it out of her system and would easily move on now. She prayed that wasn’t the case but she was already beginning to prepare for that being possible.
Instead of answering, Clarke used the hand on the back of her neck to pull Lexa into a kiss. This one was more intense than the last, something Lexa honestly didn’t think was possible.
The slight parting of Clarke’s lips and the angling of her head drew Lexa in closer. Clarke was in charge completely, but she was guiding Lexa along. Each time she changed direction she eased Lexa into it, helping her learn what she was going to do and how to react to it.
Words didn’t need to pass between them, they knew each other so well their feelings could go unspoken. Lexa knew Clarke was saying how much she cared with each gentle brush over her cheek. Clarke knew Lexa was saying how scared and excited she was with each tremor of her hand over the skin of her hip.
Clarke taught her plenty that night and Lexa knew she’d remember every single bit of it. They had fallen so far over that edge and Lexa wanted nothing more than to continue falling for the rest of her life. She wasn’t looking back, she wasn’t remembering anything about her past. She was, for the first time in her life, completely and entirely in the moment. She was falling, further and further and she hoped she never stopped.
They spent hours kissing that night, the moonlight eventually disappeared from Clarke’s face only to be replaced with the sunlight as morning came up on them. Neither girl cared that they would be exhausted the next day. This was the moment they had been waiting for and they finally had it.