Chapter Text
The spotlights bled through a gap in the curtains, casting a beam of light onto the backstage, where Teio and the rest of Spica were currently peeking at the crowd. All of them felt like their stomachs were about to burst from the anticipation.
"The wait is over, dear audience! Today you will witness Umamusume competition like it has never been done before!"
Distinctly, the flick of a fan opening could be heard.
"Your beloved Spica now face off against each other in pairs, former rivals working towards a mutual goal! To bring home the victory for themselves alone!"
To say the chat and the crowd were loving it was an understatement. Several named users and many other guests had come together in a single-minded mass of admiration.
Agnes Digital's fingers were flying across the keyboard, monitoring each and every comment.
SpeLuv143: Go Spe and Suzuka! Bring home the win AND that award!
Hachimi_Densetsu: bro thinks they got a chance against the monarch of miracles. those two are going down unfortunately.
GolshinGolshinGolshin: idiots really think my deity of chaos will fall to mere Umamusume? you got something else coming.
IchibanDakara: Go number one, and number one's sidekick!
"I shall now read out the rules! Spica will face off against each other in a total of five challenges across three days! Points will be accumulated within each challenge for a grand prize of five hundred thousand yen and a limitless coupon for all URA dining establishments!"
The crowd ooh'd and aah'd, the promised award adding a newfound weight to the upcoming festivities.
"But here's a secret that we didn't tell you all. This event will be directly influenced by the fans! Donations may suggest modifiers, and winners will be partially decided by fan vote! Keep in mind votes and donations from in-person viewers and Tracen Umamusume will be given more weight. You want to see something happen to your beloved Spica? Now is the time, dear fans!"
Vodka blanched.
"What? No, no, no, no way, right? These fans are psychotic; we're not gonna survive!"
"Vodka, shut up! They're about to call us out!"
The crowd had reached a fever pitch.
"Now let's hear some support! Pair by pair, Spica will reveal themselves!"
UmaStan: Yo can they quit dragging it? Send them out already!
Tracen_User5283: yeah deadass lol
"They're not wrong. Akikawa, we're dying over here. Send us out already!"
Teio said, everyone nodding in agreement to each other. Vodka was still shook, but quite frankly, nobody cared. Akikawa laughed nervously, though her reaction was invisible to the crowd.
"To the first to take the stage today!"
She spread her arms, her voice projecting throughout the room with her microphone fan in hand. (MicroFan? Fancrophone? This wasn't Teio's area of expertise.)
"The Shooting Star and the Silent Star! Can these two special dreamers show the world the power of single-minded obsession? Find out today, as they take the grand stage by storm! Say hello to the stars in constant orbit, Silence Suzuka and Special Week! Team Star!"
"Suzuka! That's us!"
Spe grabbed Suzuka by the hand, pulling her out of the curtains. They waved to the cooing crowd before looking at each other and smiling. Teio had to admit. Akikawa is really good at this.
Team Star, huh? Fitting name.
Teio turned to McQueen before flicking her gaze away in terror. McQueen's eyes were currently blazing with competition. If the trip here had been any indication, Teio already knew that she was planning something really dumb. And judging from her past experience, Teio wasn't going to make it out unscathed.
"Next up! To those who bless our company with regal glory! The Monarch and her Queen! They've proved that nothing in the world can stop them in their pursuit of their dreams! Anybody who thinks they'll go down easy has something else coming! Mejiro McQueen, Tokai Teio, take home your crown! Welcome, Team Throne!"
"Let's go, McQueen."
Teio held out her hand, anticipating the familiar sensation of fingers interlaced with hers.
Instead, Teio yelped as McQueen grabbed her by the back and legs, forcing Teio to hold her arms around her neck.
A textbook princess carry.
Man, Suzuka must have REALLY got under her skin.
The crowd gasped as McQueen burst through the curtains with Teio cuddled up in her arms, cosy as a kitten. Teio squirmed, but McQueen was not letting go. A smug glint in her eye presented a not-so-subtle challenge to Suzuka.
TeiMakuMakuTei: YO ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS TOO??? IRL YURI??
OneLargeMcTeioMeal: LOOK AT MCQUEEN LMAO SUZUKA IS DEAD.
-MODUS OPERANDI, YURI DEATH STARE
She was never going to live this down. God, McQueen was GOING to regret this when the adrenaline wore off. In the distance, Teio swore she could see their resident pink-haired moderator falling off of her chair.
"Um… Anyways!"
Akikawa was not shaken for long.
"The Resplendent Red Ace! The Top Gear Tyrant! Any long-time fans of the two know that whenever they're together, sparks are bound to fly. But when oil and water learn how to mix, when they can set their differences apart and fight for each other, who knows what powers they hold over their enemies! I give you, Vodka and Daiwa Scarlet! Team Crash Course!"
Vodka and Scarlet walked out, waving their hands above their heads.
Huh. Cool name, actually.
…Scarlet doesn't seem to agree.
"You absolute idiot. I can't believe you actually chose that name."
"I told you I'm not going with 'Team Tiara'. You told me you didn't care anymore, so I chose what I wanted to."
"I... whatever. We'll talk about this later."
Scarlet's smile remained on her face, strained but professional.
"Last, but never least! We have a very interesting wild card duo here for you all, folks! A legend whose reputation will always precede her existence, a standalone diamond of her era! And an unpredictable Umamusume who's had the entire academy in a deadlock since her arrival! What will she do next? Who knows!"
She raised her head to the ceiling and laughed, though many of the Tracen students in the crowd knew exactly who she was referring to.
"Can this duo of seniors show the world that experience triumphs all? I present to you, Symboli Rudolf and Gold Ship! Team Joker!"
Spica looked at the curtains expectantly, some of them covering their faces in expectation of some sort of ordnance device to illuminate their arrival.
Surprisingly, Rudolf and Gold Ship walked out waving, looking like an exemplary duo.
Looks like Rudolf managed to rein her in. Impressive!
Tracen_User3871: Gold Ship is about to explode lol, she's trying so hard not to dilly dally.
-LOLLL IKR
-who's tryna donate to the free golshi fund? like watching a bird with its wings clipped </3
Hmmm.
This felt completely different from a live race. Both were large televised events, but if the buildup to a race felt more like being a coiled spring waiting to be released, this was like a burning ember in her chest.
Though, maybe that's just because of McQueen. She smells really good right now, is that vanil-
"And now! Direct your attention to the above screen; it shall dictate the outcome of this competition!"
McQueen finally let Teio down from her grasp. Spica sat at their respective tables, gaze now directed upwards.
Team Star: 0
Team Throne: 0
Team Crash Course: 0
Team Joker: 0
"Today's episode will be titled 'U=MA²'! A test of wits, of understanding!"
The tables shifted from in front of them, a large red buzzer appearing in front of them. Simultaneously, the screen switched to large yellow letters reading U=MA².
An expression of understanding quickly splashed over Suzuka's face. Their first challenge, it was going to be –
"Trivia! We at the URA believe that education is paramount to an Umamusume's success! Today, we'll all see who's been focusing in class or not, haha! Or maybe it won't be anything to do with class at all! Regardless, facts and logic will reign supreme!"
Over at Team Star, tensions were high.
"Psst… Suzuka! What are we going to do? I'm terrible at trivia!"
"Don't worry, Spe. If the previous URA trivia sessions are any indication, the categories will be entirely random. Director Akikawa's just saying that to fit with the intelligence theme."
Akikawa gestured 'quiet' to the audience. The screen began spinning through several trivia categories.
"You better get EVERY question right, Little Miss Perfect."
"I- if it's not on the Tracen curriculum, I'm done for! Don't talk about stuff you don't understand!"
The spinner slowed down before landing on Tracen History. Teio fist-pumped. McQueen relaxed as well; this round was in the bag for the two.
Tracen history was a very rare elective unit that both knew for a fact not many other Umamusume had taken, except for Teio. Certainly nobody in Spica, not even Scarlet, who had opted for more science-based units to follow in her idols' footsteps.
"Three questions will be selected and asked based on Tracen History! One point per correct answer; to the victor shall go some of the spoils!"
Three palm cards were handed to Akikawa by an employee. She cleared her throat.
"Question One! State the name and G1 record of Tracen Academy's founder!"
Teio held her hand over the buzzer.
Man, this is almost gonna be too easy.
BZZZ.
What?
Teio whipped her head around, looking at Rudolf, who had pressed the buzzer at lightning speed.
"Tracen Academy was founded in 1951, by the Phantom Triple Crown Umamusume, Tokino Minoru. The second portion is a trick question; G1 races weren't an official concept in Japan until 1984. Otherwise, she would have three current G1 wins, in the Asahi Hai Futurity Stakes, the Satsuki Sho and the Japanese Derby."
"One point to Team Joker!"
Oh, no.
Teio had just remembered why she'd taken Tracen History in the first place.
Symboli Rudolf stared at her with purpose. She wasn't about to give up valedictorian status, especially in her strongest subject, even to her favourite underclassmen.
"Teio? What seems to be the problem?"
"We're about to get swept, McQueen. That's the problem."
Akikawa changed to the next card.
"In 1966, a Tracen graduate was able to successfully institute a significant change to one race. Which race was it, and what was the outcome?"
OH, COME ON! THAT'S HARDLY TRACEN HISTORY!
BZZZ.
"The Arima Kinen. A change was implemented to the track distance, changing it from two thousand six hundred metres to two thousand five hundred."
"Bang! Another point to Team Joker!"
No way. Spica was stuck watching as Rudolf (and a very sulky Gold Ship) was absolutely dusting every last one of them.
Am I not going to take a single point off Prez?
"Last question! An Umamusume from Tracen Academy was the very first undefeated Triple Crown champion! They set a record in their victory for the Satsuki Sho. What was their finish time in seconds?"
BZZZ.
"It was Prez! Prez did it! Symboli Rudolf set a record of two minutes and one point one seconds in the Satsuki Sho!"
Teio stood proudly. But there was no way Teio answered a question about Rudolf faster than Rudolf herself, right?
McQueen had mixed feelings.
"An unexpected point to Team Throne! Better step up your game, president!"
Hmph. Teio is… certainly a dedicated fan.
Rudolf crossed her arms.
Hachimi_Densetsu: GLORIOUS lock-in by my hachimi
Rudolf_Connoisseur: Unfortunately, the Monarch still has much to learn from the Emperor.
Hachimi_Densetsu: how about this monarch can #### you, you stupid ###### piece of ### ##### ## #### ##
Agnes Digital issued a warning regarding some impolite phrasing.
—
"Psst… Suzuka! McQueen is about to have an aneurysm!"
And indeed, McQueen was on the verge of blasting Symboli Rudolf off the face of the Earth with her gaze.
"Hm. Seems our stayer is feeling a bit jealous."
Suzuka took note.
"Impressive stuff so far! The speed of these buzzers is quite a spectacle! Clearly these Umamusume are not only born to run!"
Again, the wheel on the screen began to spin.
"Lightning rounds everyone! Watch closely for topic number 2!"
"It'd better be something you're less useless at…" Vodka muttered.
"What? How about you try answering a question on a topic you know NOTHING about?"
The wheel stopped, landing on 'Food'.
"Alright, great! So in other words, McQueen and Spe have got this in the bag! We're done for, Scarlet!"
"W-WE DON'T EAT THAT MUCH!", The two shouted in unison.
SpeLuv143: LMAO LOOK AT SPE MY ADORABLE GLUTTON
Desuwa_Merchant: …McQueen, cut loose. You've got this.
Suzuka suppressed a laugh.
She wasn't actually sure how deep Spe's knowledge on food went. She couldn't deny that she certainly ate… more than average.
But would that even translate to trivia?
"Please keep in mind that these questions are randomly selected! One may argue that the last question unfairly favoured Symboli Rudolf, but it seems Tokai Teio's unholy obsession outweighed the President's self-awareness! Respectable dedication to her favourite Umamusume!"
Unfortunate phrasing. We may need to install security outside President Rudolf's room. McQueen is going to strangle her tonight if it's the last thing she does.
"Question One! What was served for lunch at Tracen's cafeteria last Valentines day?"
BZZZ
My, that was fast. It appears my worries were unfoun-
"It was the carrot and plum pie! I brought it back to my dorm, and I spent the entire day talking about Suzuka's latest race! Gosh, she looked so cool, and so pretty, and amazing and, and—"
How sweet of her. Small problem:
She wasn't stopping.
"-And you know she took so much time out of her day just to talk to me? Can you believe it? Me!"
Tap, tap.
"Spe? Please. Um. Stop."
Spe looked around at the rest of Spica before staring at the buzzer, red in the face.
"I… um…"
The crowd was silent.
A perfect wolf whistle from Vodka broke the air and, simultaneously, the crowd's composure.
"YEAH!! YOU GO SPE!"
"WE LOVE YOU SPE! SUZUKA IS SO LUCKY!"
The chat was progressively filling up with chibi emojis of Special Week and Suzuka, and Digital was pulling an incredible performance of deleting all the more risque messages the second they appeared.
Akikawa smiled, hushing the audience down.
"In an endearing show of dedication, Special Week wins one point for Team Star!"
"Sorry, Suzuka."
Oh, Spe.
"Don't worry. The crowd is loving it."
"Question two! Listen up, Spica!"
The crowd fell silent.
"A ketogenic diet is a popular weight loss tactic, involving the elimination of carbohydrates! Explain the logic behind its implementation!"
Scarlet slammed her buzzer.
"A ketogenic diet! It, uh, it's because… because mitochondria can't process…"
"Incorrect! Speed does not equate to prowess, young Scarlet!"
McQueen pounced.
"It's quite obvious. A drastic reduction of carbohydrates causes the body to resort to its stored fatty acids and ketone bodies as an energy source. The lipase enzyme, which triggers lipolysis, burns through stored fats to produce the aforementioned fatty acids. The process of burning fats for fuel is referred to as ketosis, leading to the title ketogenic diet."
McQueen stared Spe dead in the eyes, pulling a finger across her throat. The buzzer coated her visage with a crimson outline, painting a murderous picture.
"One point to Team Throne! And impressive nomenclature!"
"Scarlet, you said biology is one of your best subjects! What's your excuse now?"
"H-hey, you try answering an exam question under pressure like that! Shut up, Vodka!"
UmaStan: Is someone gonna break them up?
Tracen_User6521: Nah, they're always like this. If you were around the academy, you'd know they're like a Tracen landmark atp.
CutAndDrive: Vodka best!
IchibanDakara: Scarlet best!
"Haha, look at them go! Aren't they simply magnificent? Tracen's very own rabid dogs!"
Both Scarlet and Vodka whipped their heads around, but Akikawa was already reading out the next question. Smart of her, Suzuka noted.
Again, the crowd went silent.
"Question three! What enzyme causes lactose intolera—"
BZZZ.
It just wasn't fair.
"Trick question. Lactose intolerance is caused by the absence of the enzyme lactase, not by the presence of a specific enzyme."
"Point, Throne! Let it be known that alongside Ikuno Dictus, Mejiro McQueen is top of her class in dietary sciences! Unlucky, Spica!"
A crooked smile sat unnaturally on McQueen's mouth.
"Akikawa. I would also like it to be known that without a doubt, we will crush Team Star under our heel. Silence Suzuka will know the might of a Mejiro and her fated rival."
"But, of course! Dear audience, witness the birth of a glorious rivalry, the seeds of which were sown long before the events of today! I give you Team Star and Team Throne!"
The crowd roared their approval, though from the looks of it, Team Canopus and the Golden Generation were shooting each other dirty looks.
SpeLuv143: @Desuwa_Merchant @Hachimi_ Densetsu, you ready for this?
Desuwa_Merchant: This isn't fair; my teammate got banned.
Invincible_Monarch: Don't worry, there's way more where that came from.
Spe's face painted a picture of concern.
"Sorry, Suz-"
"Don't. McQueen is quite accomplished in her dietary science niche. She and Ikuno both dominate the subject."
She looked at McQueen, whose gaze hadn't left the two.
"And anyway, it is entirely possible for us to come back from this."
The wheel had once again begun to spin.
"Third question! This will be an X factor; our contestants will not be judged on any Tracen subjects! Prepare for a world of randomness!"
The familiar tick, tick, tick of the wheel had Spica on the edge of their seats.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
McQueen gulped.
She remembered an old conversation she and the rest of Spica had once had over a bottle of hot mustard.
'Suzuka! Alright! Can't wait to see what dirty little secrets hide in that runaway brain of yours!'
Suzuka had looked entirely unfazed.
'Ask me anything, Teio. I have little to hide.'
'Alright then. Well, did you have any embarrassing interests when you were younger?'
'Hmmm… Well, I don't feel very much shame for my past hobbies, but if you must know, I was rather engrossed in Gundam for several years. Here, I still have photos of some of my limited edition builds.'
The photos had gone back several years, with multiple incredibly rare models featured.
Tick.
"Our third category will be… Gundam! To you unrecognised fans in the audience, this is for you!"
Suzuka's eyes sharpened.
—
"And in a landslide victory, Team Star takes three more points!"
McQueen hadn't seen anything quite like it. Of course, she was well aware of her personal expertise, but to think that Suzuka would know the specific make and measurements of a Gundam with only ten existing copies?
And that was disregarding the lengthy explanations of the Gundam lore she'd unloaded that went for several minutes each.
"But here's the thing! We at the URA have yet again hidden more information from both Spica and the audience!"
Oh goodness, what now?
"As Silence Suzuka has single-handedly dominated a trivia category, we shall grant Team Star a bonus point!"
The scoreboard appeared on the screen once more.
Team Star: 5
Team Throne: 3
Team Joker: 2
Team Crash Course: 0
"What? Akikawa, that is utterly preposterous! Surely we are not expected to accept this result?"
"You will accept whatever the sponsors tell you, Miss Mejiro McQueen!"
A third victim had entered McQueen's hit list.
The chat was absolutely livid. It was rapidly splitting into factions, either taking Suzuka's or McQueen's side in their impromptu rivalry which had clearly captured their hearts.
"We shall now hold a brief intermission! Spica will be back soon!"
—
Back in the makeup room, McQueen's concealer had partially come off in her rant. The rest of Spica were getting basic touch-ups.
"Have you guys been reading the chat so far? Teio's fans keep getting banned for some reason. It's like the universe is trying to send a message that only one person can support her, right, McQueen? Hehe."
"Speak not to me, Spe."
Hmmm… McQueen still isn't happy.
Special Week was nevertheless very satisfied with the attention she was receiving.
Maybe Suzuka is right? I have so many supporters, tee hee!
Oh, speaking of Suzuka! I still need to ask her – wait, why are you turning to McQueen?
"So, McQueen. I believe you were saying something about the power of a Mejiro and her rival?"
McQueen batted away the hand of her attendant, who scurried away.
"Don't get anything twisted, runaway. You got lucky."
"The score would beg to differ, I'm quite afraid."
"I—Teio, back me up! How is it fair that she should receive an extra point unbeknownst to us all?"
Teio stared through pleading eyes.
"…Don't loop me in, McQueen."
McQueen was positively boiling. In fact, Spe didn't think she'd seen her this mad since the time Gold Ship broke into her exam room playing the Mejiro Anthem through a French horn.
How has Gold Ship not got expelled yet again?
"Teio. That was some very impressive work. I was unaware you were so well educated on my career."
Rudolf's calm voice did little to soothe McQueen's frayed nerves.
"Well, why wouldn't I know something like that about my hero? You're talking to the leader of the Symboli Rudolf fan club here!"
"Yeah, it must be great to have such a knowledgeable teammate, right, VODKA?"
Being in possession of a paltry zero points had not done the two a very big service in terms of team chemistry.
"Who tried to answer a question and fumbled? Was it me?"
"I just want to state for the record, I knew every single answer. You're all lucky I felt merciful."
Gold Ship had spoken up for the first time in a while now, which was never a good sign in Spica's experience.
"Whatever do you mean by that, Gold Ship? If that's the case, why wouldn't you answer?"
"Well, I'm the leader of the Tracen Trivia club. Obviously I know at least that much. Maybe now you'll think twice about leashing my potential, stupid uptight Prez."
"Th-there is no Tracen Trivia club! And you mean to tell me you intentionally threw away potential points?"
"Yeah, I did. And if you get in my way because of stupid stuff like public image ever again, those won't be the only points we lose."
Scratch that. McQueen was no longer the angriest person in the room.
"Gold Ship. Victory is a divine responsibility for Umamusume. What you have just done has gone against not only our personal success but also diluted the very spirit, the very purpose of our existence. And you say that this was merely because I wished for you to act somewhat civil on camera?"
Finally, a massive grin painted Gold Ship's face once more.
"Nah. I lied. Game on, Joker."
—
Agnes Digital sat in her seat, watching the various Umamusume, her Oshi's that numbered in the hundreds, chatter amongst themselves.
'Hey, who do you think will win?'
'Team Star, obviously? Look how ahead they are already!'
'Yeah, but there are still way more games to come up! I'm rooting for Team Throne, or Team Crash Course to come back from their position!'
'You guys are insane. If you think anyone but SYMBOLI RUDOLF AND GOLD FREAKING SHIP is winning, I have some bad news for you all.'
It mattered not to her. Victory, loss, glory, honour – what were they in the grand scheme of things?
All that matters is that I see my OTPs together! Squeee!
They'll hear the name 'Agnes Digital, Queen of Ships' and they'll kneel.
Not my Oshi's, though. I could never ask them to do anything like that!
Oh, but how beautiful would McQueen look on her knees… No! Digital, she isn't yours!
The employees all looked on in worry. Digital was typing an awful lot while muttering to nobody in particular. Based on what they'd heard, this was to be expected of Agnes Digital, but she was looking a touch too devious.
The screen shifted.
Spica walked back onto the stage, to rampant applause.
The next game had begun.