Chapter Text
Kouki shut the door with trembling fingers and let out a long sigh of relief as his legs finally gave up on him, so he just let himself collapse on his knees, his face burning. It was a true feat that he'd managed to stay on his feet when his knees had been feeling like jello ever since Akashi-kun had told him that thing about his name. The look in his eyes had been so fond and tender, Kouki couldn't help the way his heart fluttered just remembering it. Why had Akashi-kun told him that? Maybe someone special to him had the same name? His heart clenched a little on that thought. It seemed unlikely but it would maybe explain why Akashi was suddenly so interested in him, when he'd never really seemed to pay him any mind back in high school.
Absentmindedly, he touched the corner of his mouth with his thumb, remembering how it felt when Akashi-kun had touched him, however briefly. His ears burned at the memory. He'd almost felt himself whimper when Akashi-kun had pulled back.
He wasn't even sure of what he was doing at all. Of course Akashi-kun was attractive –the bastard had been blessed all around, it would seem- and he was also smart and charming and fun to talk to. It was hard to believe this was the same person that had told him to piss off while threatening him with a pair of scissors all those years ago. If someone had told him back then that he'd feel such an easy chemistry with Akashi Seijuurou, he would've thought they were messing with him.
Which brought him to his next concern. He hadn't really given it much thought before tonight, but was Akashi-kun trying to flirt with him? It kind of felt like he was, but he couldn't begin to imagine why he would. And more importantly, he wasn't really sure of how he felt about the whole situation. Did he want Akashi-kun to flirt with him or not? And would he respond to it if he was? Maybe he was getting too carried away because tonight had been so outstandingly fun. It was just recently that he'd started to think of Akashi-kun as a friend and he enjoyed that feeling, there was no need to rush things.
He touched the corner of his mouth again. For a brief moment, he'd thought Akashi-kun was going to kiss him. And maybe a teeny, tiny little part of his mind had kind of hoped he would.
"Reo, I believe I am in love with Kouki after all."
His friend quirked one of his carefully plucked eyebrows. "Oh dear, is that so? How amazing, how surprising. Surely no one could have seen this development coming." he intoned, with absolutely no affectation in his voice.
Seijuurou was not amused. "Reo-" he warned, his arms crossed over his chest.
"I'm sorry, Sei-chan, I know you like doing things at your own pace, but I've been telling you the exact same thing for two months. You should trust me a little more in these things is all I'm saying. You've been completely lovestruck by that kid since day one and anyone with a working pair of eyes could see it."
"I know, and I never denied that I have been… very attracted to him, physically, from the beginning. However, I may not be an expert in the matters of the heart, but I am also aware that romantic love can not be based exclusively on physical appearances. I was just unsure if I would be so drawn to his soul as I am to his body."
Reo giggled. "Fine, point taken. But now you've got to tell me everything about last night, every last detail of it, I won't be satisfied with less."
Seijuurou sighed. He had expected this to happen, and yet he'd hoped it wouldn't. A part of him wanted last night to remain a memory he shared with Kouki alone. And wouldn't it be intruding in Kouki's privacy to tell Reo about it? But now that he had no more doubts about his feelings, he needed even more assistance. He wanted to at least try to woo Kouki, but he didn't have the first clue of how to go about it without being overbearing. He certainly didn't want Kouki to feel pressured to return his affections, but neither did he want their current budding friendship to come undone due to his own feelings. He had to tread carefully, and he couldn't think of anyone better qualified than Reo for it.
He began retelling the events of last night, leaving no detail out in the hopes that Reo could get a better picture of the situation. His friend didn't offer any commentary, probably waiting to hear the whole thing to make an overall assessment. Seijuurou couldn't, however, stop himself from making a pause midway to ask about something that had been nagging him.
"He was very adamant about paying for dinner even though his economic means should certainly not allow him such a luxury. I am rather confused, Reo, why was that so important for him?"
His friend hummed a little. "Well, it's obvious, really. It's a matter of pride. Chihuahua-chan probably wanted to prove to you and himself that he can stand on equal grounds with you."
"On equal grounds?"
"I mean, think about it. There you are, the mighty Akashi Seijuurou: rich, powerful, intelligent, handsome, prodigious, and Chihuahua-chan is just… well, average—no, no, don't get mad Sei-chan, I don't mean it in a bad way- he's just not extraordinary, and you are. And he's surely aware of it. I'm just speculating here, but I'm sure he would've felt like you were looking down on him if you insisted on paying for everything."
"But that is—"
"I know, Sei-chan, I know you wouldn't mean it like that, but after getting him those premium seats for the game, it would've been a rather unbalanced date if you'd taken the check too."
"I'm afraid I'm not understanding."
Reo sighed. "Ok, just now you said something, right? About economic means?"
"Indeed, I do not believe he would regularly have the monetary leisure to indulge in a relatively costly dinner as last night's."
"That right there. You're looking down on him."
"I am most certainly not."
"You may not mean it, but you're judging his capabilities based on what you perceive to be his social standing."
"I was merely stating a fact."
"No, Sei-chan, it is not for you to say what Chihuahua-chan can afford and what he can't. That's exactly the point. If you're going to have a relationship –platonic or romantic- you have to look at him as your equal, not some penniless cute guy whose affections you want to buy. And you both need to have an active role in building the relationship. I'm also sure Chihuahua-chan didn't want to feel like the kind of guy who just makes friends with rich people to leech off of them. So it's for his pride but also for the sake of whatever relationship you're trying to have."
"But you let me pay for your cappuccinos all the time."
"Sure, but you know I could pay for them if I wanted, I just see no shame in leeching off my rich best friend. Besides, I pay you back with all these priceless, life-saving advice. That's how we work, it's not gonna be the same for him."
Seijuurou hummed pensively. He still didn't quite understand why it was such a big deal, but Reo's explanation was admittedly logical. Even if he had not voiced the thought in Kouki's presence, it had been rather impolite to make assumptions about his finances and how he ought to manage them. Surely it would have come off as condescending if he'd said something in that vein. It was slightly unsettling to know there were so many things he needed to be careful about, lest he offended Kouki due to an unfortunate misunderstanding.
"Understand now?"
He nodded. "I believe I do. At the very least, I am aware I should not do something that would harm Kouki's pride."
"That's a good boy. Now tell me the rest, you did walk him to his room, right?"
Reo's eyes were twinkling with curiosity. Seijuurou knew there was no power capable of making him change the subject when he had that look in his eyes. So he reluctantly recalled the events at Kouki's doorstep, and a shiver ran up his spine when he remembered how the skin-on-skin contact had felt. When he was finished speaking, Reo was staring at him with wide eyes and a horrified expression that made Seijuurou panic briefly. Had he done something that would ruin everything before anything even happened?
"Are you telling me you didn't kiss him?!" Reo winced, gaping.
Seijuurou was taken aback by how offended his friend's question sounded. "Of course not. That would have been inappropriate and disrespectful and harassing."
"But he let you touch his face! He didn't push you away or anything! For all you know he wanted you to kiss him!"
"And for all I know, he may have been too confused or afraid to speak or act on what he might have felt. I am not conceding on this, Reo, the last thing I want is to cause Kouki any discomfort. I would rather proceed too slowly and be absolutely certain that Kouki wants the same things I do, than risk overstepping some boundaries and making him fear me again like he did in the past."
Reo sighed in defeat. "Alright, alright, I get it, you want to be a perfect gentleman."
"It is not about being a gentleman, but about respecting someone else's personal space and their body."
"Yes, yes, I understand, we'll do it your way. It's gonna take forever though. You do know I would've never gotten anywhere if I hadn't taken that daring first step, right?"
"That does not mean your method was the most appropriate one. The situation is also too different. It is impossible to tell what Mayuzumi-san is thinking at any given time, Kouki is much more transparent. I am fairly certain that the last thing in his mind at that moment was kissing. I am a patient man and I want to do this right. Will you still help me?"
Reo smiled at him fondly, a playful twinkle in his eyes.
"You'll have to buy me lots of cappuccinos, Sei-chan."
Seijuurou's heart hitched when he caught sight of Kouki waiting for him at their usual spot in the cafeteria. He clutched the flower bouquet to his chest and took a deep breath. He could do this. He had practiced and prepared.
Reo's first advice had been to try some traditional methods of courtship.
"You just have to show him that you're interested without being too obvious, because that would scare him. You know, maybe a little thoughtful gift or a casual date that's just a little romantic but not too much."
Seijuurou had looked at his palms, trying to come up with an idea. "I suppose I will have to call the pilot for this."
Reo had spat his coffee, droplets landing on Seijuurou's shirt. "P-pilot?! What're you talking about?!"
Seijuurou looked up at his friend, confused. "Well, Kouki said he is interested in wildlife conservation, so taking him to a natural reservation would certainly make for an ideal date. Ah, but I am not sure of which type of wildlife he likes. It would be a mistake to go to the Amazonian if he—"
"Stop. Stop, stop, stop." Reo had gasped, still catching his breath and coughing. "You're thinking way too big, you're gonna scare the living daylights out of him if you suddenly propose to hop on a plane and fly to a jungle on the other side of the globe."
"I see. You might be right; a trip to the wild might be too adventurous. He did say he enjoyed shopping, so perhaps New York would be more-"
"Sei-chan, no!"
"If that is not suitable then perhaps Paris woul- "
"NO!"
"But—"
Reo had thrown his hands in the air, exasperated. "No. Shush. Stop it. Seriously, shush." He'd sighed, and there was a sort of dread in his expression that had puzzled Seijuurou. "This is gonna be harder than I expected, oh dear." He'd covered his face with his palms and sighed again. "The things I do for you, Sei-chan."
According to Reo (and Seijuurou did not understand this at all), inviting Kouki to a "dream date" was not the right course of action at this point, at least not if it involved going to a different city, let alone a different continent. Giving a gift that cost more than four figures was apparently unacceptable too ("I know that look in your eyes, Sei-chan, and I don't care if he said he needs to buy a new jacket for winter, you are not buying him an Armani"). Reo claimed that, at this early stage of courtship, and for someone of Kouki's personality and upbringing, keeping it simple and personal was the most advisable ("We just had a long talk about standing on equal ground, this shouldn't be hard to understand"). He was supposed to take the information he had about the things Kouki liked and prove that he had listened and taken them into account.
"See, the basketball tickets were a perfect idea. I'm just amazed that you could come up with something so good and then start thinking about some African Safari the next moment, I can't believe you."
Seijuurou had felt slightly humiliated, but had chosen not to mention that. It was not his fault that he lacked expertise in this field, it was the one thing his father's rigorous training had not prepared him for.
The things Kouki liked were wildlife, omelette rice, botany (his parents owned a flower shop), basketball, libraries (particularly the smell of old books) and trains. At that was the reason he was now holding a flower bouquet, small and simple, while approaching Kouki with hesitant steps.
"Oh, hello Akashi-kun!"
Seijuurou's blood froze in his veins. This was absurd, he had already somehow mastered the ability to not act like a complete fool in Kouki's presence, so why was he getting so wretchedly nervous now? He was just going to give him flowers and have a pleasant conversation over lunch as usual.
"Good… good afternoon. I apologize for my tardiness."
Kouki shook his head, an easy smile on his lips. "No worries, I got here earlier since my molecular biology class was canceled last minute. "
"Oh. I see."
There was a moment of awkward silence in which Seijuurou forgot what he had planned to say. He felt horrified. Had he gone back to square one? Why? Had all his previous progress been but an illusion? Was he doomed to being his most embarrassing self in front of the object of his affections for the rest of his life?
He caught Kouki's eyes observing him with curiosity and falling to the flowers in his hands.
"Uhm… th-these are for you." He finally managed to say, all but thrusting the flowers in Kouki's direction. Kouki grabbed the flowers, confusion and bewilderment flashing through his eyes briefly before his expression showed recognition.
"Really? Thank you, these are lovely!"
Seijuurou breathed a sigh of relief. So this had not been the wrong choice after all. "It is nothing, just a small token of appreciation for all your assistance. You did mention you liked flowers before. Th-the bluebell is supposed to represent 'gratitude' and the acacias,'friendship', but I am not that well-versed in hanakotoba so that might not be correct." The last part was a lie. Perhaps an unnecessary one. He had been very careful in choosing the flowers for this simple arrangement to make sure they conveyed a message Kouki would appreciate, while also hiding a more revealing confession of Seijuurou's feelings. But pretending he didn't know would clear him of suspicion even if Kouki did find out about the secret message.
Kouki looked genuinely surprised. "That's actually… very sweet, thank you. I'm a little glad to hear you don't know about it, since the sweetpea here means 'goodbye', that would've… made me a little sad to be honest." As he continued to scan over the flowers, his cheeks grew a little pink. "Ah, but the yellow tulip stands for 'unrequited love' so that would be a little contradictory maybe." He laughed a little, nervously.
Seijuurou felt his insides burn with embarrassment. He had been so focused in hiding the true message of the flowers that he had forgotten some of the double meanings. Like the yellow tulip, that in the Victorian flower language conveyed the message of "there is sunshine in your smile", which Seijuurou found extremely fitting for Kouki. Or the acacia blossoms that did represent friendship, but also "concealed love". He hadn't wanted to let Kouki catch on to his intentions, and yet he had accidentally laid the truth out in the open out of carelessness. At the same time, he couldn't help feeling just the slightest bit joyful, knowing Kouki would be saddened if they were to part ways permanently.
"Oh, I-I… apologize." He finally managed to say, forcing the turmoil in his mind out of the way. "I was… unaware of that. The… yes, the florist suggested the combination because the colors made a good match." One more lie. He had, in fact, been extremely specific about the flowers he wanted, and the florist had been nothing but accommodating (and also, perhaps, a little impertinent, asking uncomfortable questions about the 'lucky lady' that would be receiving 'such a loving present from a very handsome young man'). "I hope you will not feel uncomfortable with it."
"Not at all, don't worry, quite the contrary in fact." Kouki responded, sniffing the flowers with a pleasant smile on his lips "She was right, these do look very beautiful together. I'm sending a picture to mom, she'll love it." He took out his phone and snatched a quick photograph before putting it away again. "You know, when I was little we always had lots flowers around the house, so since I moved out it feels weird not having any. Like there's not enough color around me. But my room isn't very big, so I can't really fit more than one small vase inside, and I haven't even had time to go get some, so this is just perfect. Now I'll feel a little bit more at home, thank you."
Seijuurou's heart swelled as he finally managed to sit down. His hands were still shaking a little, but his lips were actually pulled into a small smile.
For the next two weeks, following Reo's advice, he had continued to drop occasional, casual presents for Kouki, nothing too grandiose. One day he'd brought in a bookmark that looked like ancient parchment. Another day, after Kouki lamented how the flowers had already withered, he'd brought a potted primrose plant.
"I…I read that these are easy to grow indoors. They have not bloomed yet, but they are supposed to have colorful blossoms. You… you mentioned you missed that from your home, forgive me if it's inappropriate."
Kouki had smiled brightly. "Stop saying that, Akashi-kun, it's perfect." And Seijuurou had felt his heart melt on the spot.
He hadn't brought a gift today. Reo had instructed to time the presents carefully. They had to be "casual in a "I saw it and thought of you" kind of way", in Reo's own words. This would make it noticeable that Kouki was in his thoughts constantly, but it would not make him look like an "obsessive stalker", again, in Reo's words.
He felt very confident with the progress he had achieved so far. Their conversations now flowed more naturally. Even if he was still as nervous as could be when they spoke, words were coming to him much more easily. He also noticed Kouki seemed more relaxed in his presence. When this had all started, he acted as if he was still expecting Seijuurou to lash out at him at any moment, but that tension had now dissipated. It was rather encouraging to know he was slowly earning Kouki's trust.
Seijuurou also found himself less and less forced to use stock phrases or to pull from his repertoire of topics related to the classes he was still not taking. Their conversations now veered to other topics of genuine common interest. Still it made him feel at ease to have a backup in case of one of his infamous flounders.
"Say, Akashi-kun, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
And it was when Kouki started asking questions that he was more prone to make mistakes, so he prepared himself mentally to tell of the student that had accidentally fabricated a stink bomb in case he happened to blurt out something compromising.
"I wouldn't mind."
Kouki seemed a little nervous. Which in turn made Seijuurou concerned about what kind of question he would be asked.
"I've always kind of wondered why Akashi-kun always eats in the cafeteria. Uhm… I mean, I always imagined…"
"You thought I would have a personal chef cooking all my meals for me?" Seijuurou asked, more for confirmation than anything else, while breathing a sigh of relief. This was a question he could answer without tripping over his own words.
"Sorry, is that an offensive thing to ask? I'm just a little curious but—"
"I've been asking him the same thing for years, Furi-chan, if you would believe that."
Out of nowhere, Reo sat down on a chair next to Kouki, a tired look on his face.
Kouki yelped, almost jumping out of his seat. "O-oh, M-Mibuchi-san! L-long time no see!"
"Reo, would you mind explaining what brings you here?"
Reo gave him a laconic look, his chin resting on his arms, crossed on the table. "We never eat lunch together anymore, Sei-chan, that's cruel!"
Kouki yelped again. "I-I'm really sorry, I didn't realize I was taking up so much of Akashi-kun's time. I-I-I'll take my leave now, I'm very sorry, I—"
"No, please, Furihata, that will not be necessary." Seijuurou sighed and turned to Reo. "You had a fight with Mayuzumi-san." He stated matter-of-factly. He knew these signs too well to confuse them for anything else.
Reo huffed and looked away.
"If you need some time alone I—"
"It's okay, Furi-chan, you don't have to leave. It's the first time in ages that Sei-chan makes a new friend, no way am I getting in the way of that." Reo intoned, although he was still sulking.
Seijuurou sighed again and pulled out his wallet. "Reo, would you mind bringing me a can of coffee from the vending machine?" he asked, giving him a thousand yen note. Reo perked up just a little, took the money and walked away, dragging his feet.
"Uhm, are you sure you don't need some privacy? I don't really understand but it looks like Mibuchi-san needs someone to talk to."
"Please do not worry. This is far from unusual, he will be fine. The vending machine is right next to the coffee stall where he buys his cappuccino with double serving of whipped cream for these precise occasions. I did give him enough money for that." This was not the first time Reo had a dip in his mood due to Mayuzumi-san. At this point it was pretty much a ritual to ask him for a can of coffee (which Seijuurou didn't even like, they were dreadful), just so he could get his consolation cappuccino. "Reo and Mayuzumi-san have been… involved, romantically for a few years now. They are… stable, for lack of a better word, but Mayuzumi-san is perhaps not as… I think affectionate is the best way of saying it. Yes, he is not as affectionate as he could be. And Reo, well, he is rather emotionally demanding. This happens all the time. Judging by Reo's mood right now, I calculate Mayuzumi-san will be emailing me in about twenty minutes, and he will feign disinterest while trying to obtain information on Reo's state of mind. Then he will call Reo to apologize… I believe in about seventy-four minutes. Everything will go back to normal then, I assure you."
Kouki was looking at him with a mix of curiosity and a twinge of fondness in his eyes. It was odd and made his heart race.
"Is there… something wrong?" he managed to ask, suddenly self-conscious about holding Kouki's gaze.
Kouki shook his head, smiling a little. "It's nothing. I was just thinking that Akashi-kun is very kind to his friends. I think it's very sweet that you look after them when they need you."
Seijuurou found himself smiling to that too. "It is the least I can do. Both Reo and Mayuzumi-san have always been very patient with me. Reo helps me a lot dealing with my own shortcomings. I treated them both very poorly in the past and they still remained my friends in spite of that. I appreciate them for that. I will gladly do whatever it takes to help them. Buying Reo coffee and helping Mayuzumi-san come to terms with things he already knows is hardly a bother." His friends were like family to him. In them he had found love and understanding when there was none at home. And he knew that, in spite of their frequent fights, Mayuzumi-san and Reo did make each other happy.
A can of coffee materialized in front of Seijuurou "I'm still waiting for you to answer Furi-chan's question. Like, the fact that you drink this garbage makes me question your sense of taste altogether." Reo said as he plopped down on a chair, already halfway through the double whipped cream on his cappuccino. He looked like his mood had improved considerably in the five minutes he had been away, which confirmed Seijuurou's suspicion about this being one of their usual, meaningless fights.
"I am certain that I have answered that question for you before." Seijuurou stated, as if nothing had happened, ignoring the coffee with all his might and glancing at Reo from the corner of his eye. "I believe the cook here, Oomi-san, is superbly skilled. I like the food quite a lot."
Kouki appeared to be mystified by this response.
"You assumed I would have a more exquisite taste, I guess."
He blushed and waved his hands nervously. "N-n-no I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize, Furi-chan, anyone would expect Mr. Absolute here to be more demanding when it comes to food. I'm not saying the food here's bad, but geez, you could do so much better. I remember your father had a special chef cooking for you in the dorms at Rakuzan; now those were the days."
Seijuurou took a spoonful from his meal –it was the D menu today, simple curry with rice and salad as a side-dish- and savored it slowly before replying. "I would not dismiss Ajihara-san's culinary expertise, but he was, after all, my father's employee, and never went beyond that. I prefer Oomi-san's simpler style because she is devoted to her work and to make sure students enjoy a delicious and healthy meal. It has a… gentle quality to it that I find much more fulfilling."
When he looked up, he saw both Kouki and Reo looking at him, both of them awestruck. Kouki glanced briefly at his now empty plate, as if he were seeing it under a new light, his cheeks glowing in light pink. He was about to ask them if he had said something strange –perhaps he had inadvertently committed one of his usual missteps and spoken too much- but Kouki's wristwatch beeped at that moment, making him jump off his chair.
"Damn, I've got to run to my next class! I'm sorry, I'll see you tomorrow to study? Same time?"
Seijuurou felt slightly dispirited by Kouki's departure, but he nodded nonetheless. "Of course, as usual."
"Great, see you then." He picked up his belongings "Oh, and I hope everything turns out alright, Mibuchi-san." He added, grabbing his food tray to take it back to the counter.
"Thanks, Furi-chan, I appreciate it. Have nice day."
"Same for you two, bye!"
Seijuurou followed him with his eyes, already feeling the longing in his chest as he disappeared into the crowd.
Reo hummed in appreciation. "See, that right there was perfect."
"What do you mean by that?"
His friend sent him a knowing smile. "Well, you just showed him your more sensitive, down-to-earth side. I'm sure Furi-chan's opinion of you has changed a lot, and for the better, now that he knows you can appreciate the simpler things and the effort people put into their work."
Realization dawned on him as his heart sped up. "I thought for a moment I had made a mistake."
"Oh no, it's the complete opposite! And you did it naturally too, which is even better."
Seijuurou found himself smiling with relief and a little bit of hope. He placed his hand over his chest and breathed in deeply, willing his heart back to its natural speed.
"But really, that Furi-chan is super sweet. The more I know him, the more I'm convinced he's a good match for you, so you mustn't give up no matter what."
"Thank you, Reo, your support means a lot to me. I certainly do not intend to renounce halfway. I too am convinced that we could… be more compatible than it would appear at first glance."
"You know you'll always have my support if it's something that makes you happy, Sei-chan."
When Seijuurou turned to meet Reo's eyes, he found them brimming with tenderness. It made him feel something warm and pleasant in his chest. Sometimes Reo reminded him a little of his mother, although he himself didn't completely understand why. Or perhaps this was what having an older brother would feel like.
His cellphone beeped.
[New text message]
[From: Mayuzumi Chihiro]
He glanced at the time on the screen and smiled to himself. Exactly twenty minutes.