Chapter Text
It took Leon forty-eight hours to end up back at his front door. The flight back had been long and sleepless, which gave him plenty of time to mull things over.
Now away from it all, the guilt of what he had done weighed heavy on his heart. Upon waking, Sherry had attempted to reassure him but it was pretty pointless.
She’d told him to get some sleep and that she’d call him tomorrow before getting in her own car to head home to Jake.
Leon had to turn the music up on his stereo to avoid falling asleep on his way back to his flat. But when he finally got there and opened the door, the crisp evening air shook the fatigue from him.
It was chilly, window cracked which Leon knew it hadn’t been when he’d left.
He turned, closing the door behind him and shrugging off his jacket. He dumped his tactical gear on the couch in his living room, glancing about for any other sign of his perfumed intruder.
He didn’t find anything until he stepped into the kitchen. There was a first-aid kit left discarded at the table, as well as an empty glass and the core of an apple in the trash.
When Leon turned to make his way back out and towards his bedroom, he found Ada watching him silently from the doorframe.
They looked at each other for a moment, Leon scanning his wife over.
She was in a loose pair of trousers and a cami, arm re-bandaged and set with a splint. Her exposed throat showcased the nasty bruises covering her pale skin. Her eyes were tired and hazed with something rather guarded.
“Beat you.” She said, breaking the silence.
Leon wasn’t sure what to say to her for a long moment. There was a lot on his mind. He had questions and apologies and reassurances all fighting to come out first.
After a long moment, he replied.
“You look beautiful.”
Ada tilted her head at him, eyes narrowing slightly.
“What did I say about sweet talk?”
Leon approached, footfalls heavy as he crossed the room.
“Whatever you’re angry with me about,” he pressed a cold hand to her face and leant downward to press a tender kiss to the apple of her cheek.
“I’m not angry,” she cut him off. Leon leant back to get a good look at her face. Eyes dark, jaw set, chin down. She was angry.
“Baby..”
“I’m not.” She insisted with a light shrug. Ada moved to turn away from him. “There’s nothing worth talking about tonight, Leon. Come to bed.”
He caught her good hand in his own, stilling her in the corridor. Leon thought there was plenty to talk about. Perhaps more than ever before. She turned and looked at him, expression even more guarded than before.
“Leon,” she said. It was a warning.
“Ada, we can’t go to bed and not talk about that.”
She seemed conflicted for a moment, caught between self preservation and wanting to be there for him. She glanced away for a short moment, jaw setting and unsettling as she chewed on her words.
“I haven’t been that terrified in years.” He admitted. The confession felt stark in the quiet of the apartment. It drew Ada’s calculating gaze back to his face. She regarded him, expression softening considerably. Leon’s hands felt a little clammy. Ada was terrible at talking about her emotions, but he wasn’t exactly an expert either. It still made him a little sweaty to be this vulnerable.
“It was scary,” she conceded after a long silence, voice rather matter of fact. Leon could see past the veil of her tone how deeply she was considering things though. He frowned, tilting his head ever so slightly sideways, a habit he’d picked up from her.
“What are you thinking about?” His voice was private. Ada’s stare didn’t change, only giving him respite when it flicked briefly to the wall behind him. There was a long silence where she seemed to be weighing up whether or not to keep pushing him away. She finally looked back, eyes suddenly far hotter than Leon had expected.
“You, being selfish with that hatchet.”
It took Leon a moment of true bafflement to understand what she was referencing. He had done a lot of idiotic things with the hatchet when he’d been out of his mind, hurting Ada being the most punishable.
But after a hard stare from his wife, Leon realised what she was talking about.
“I was trying to protect you, honey.”
“What about killing yourself would ever protect me?” was her sharp, muttered reply. It felt almost as if the floodgates of Ada’s anger had opened. She was all but scowling at him. The undercurrent of genuine hurt however, was obvious in her deep eyes. Leon grasped her hand, squeezing.
“I never wanted to hurt you, Ada. I was trying to do what I had to to keep you safe.”
“There are a lot of things I need you to do for me Leon, but keeping me safe is not one of them.” She said lowly. “Being alive is one. And not leaving me on my own is another.”
That comment struck Leon. He had never known that to be something that Ada was frightened of. Or, at least, she’d never mentioned it before.
Usually, he could placate her with sorries and affection, but this time, Leon could see under the anger and the upset, she was frightened by the concept of losing him.
By her good hand, he pulled her from the corridor into his bedroom at the end of the hall. She let go of him as he flicked a lamp on, leaving nothing but dim light and unresolved tension between them.
Leon looked at her for a long moment, trying his best to articulate what he wanted to. How could he make her understand the choices he had made?
He wet his lips with his tongue.
“I want to say I’m sorry, Ada. But I’d do it again.” He admitted. Her jaw set. “Can you be mad at me for trying to kill you? I feel horrible about that.” It was a thinly veiled joke. One that would usually get a chuckle out of her. Ada didn’t even crack a smile. “Baby, come on,” he put his hands on her upper arms, rubbing his thumbs up and down gently. “What’s this about leaving you alone?”
Leon would be lying if he said it wasn’t breaking his heart to have scared Ada in this way. Or in any way. He was struck by the fact that she was most scared of something bad happening to him, when he had been terrified that after everything, she’d be scared of him.
Ada glanced down, face unreadable. Leon stood back, allowing her to think. She often needed patience to get out how she was feeling. Leon imagined she was still trying to unlearn all the compartmentalisation she’d survived off of for all those years.
After a long while, she let out a short sigh through her nose.
“You’ve changed me too much, Leon.” She said, voice soft and somewhat melancholic. “I’m too soft now.” Leon frowned but kept quiet. “When you’re here, it’s fine. But I couldn’t go back to being on my own anymore, if something happened to you. I don’t have the nerve for it.” She paused again, finally managing to meet his eye. “And that frightens me.”
Leon wasn’t sure Ada had ever admitted to being frightened before.
It hurt his heart.
In a way, he felt bad for what he had done to Ada. It had never been his intention but perhaps he had changed her, just like she had changed him. Perhaps, she was softer now. More selfless. More thoughtful. More in touch with herself. That kind of person wasn’t meant for Ada’s line of work, without an outlet at the end of the day to come home to.
“I’m never going to leave you on your own, Ada.” He said, stepping closer again and setting his hands on her waist. Ada shook her head, trying to push him off.
“You don’t mean that-“
“I do-“
“No,” she tried to shake him but Leon held fast. Ada had a habit of trying to physically get away from him when things got too emotional.
“Ada,”
“You just said you would do it again!” She stepped out of his grip and Leon sighed, dropping his arms to his side. They looked at each other in the darkness for a long moment.
“I would. I’m not going to lie to you.” She pursed her lips in what could’ve been anger or suppressed emotion. Ada glanced back towards the dim light of the lamp and Leon saw the sheen of tears in her darkened eyes. He reached out for her again, heart twisting.
She turned to walk away from him out of the room but Leon grabbed her hand.
“Ada,”
“I don’t know what to say,” she shook her head. Leon moved in front of her until he had his back to the door and he was effectively guarding her escape from vulnerability. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable but Leon wouldn’t let Ada go to bed thinking he would ever leave her alone.
This relationship had been a consistent challenge for both of them. Leon had been trained to turn his heart off. Maybe he hadn’t done very well at that. Ada insisted she saw so much of that young, heartfelt rookie in his face. But he had tried over the years to get things done and get them done efficiently. Never to mourn those who were lost along the way. There was no time to talk about feelings or try to work on relationships. And he knew Ada had been taught the same.
But she was everything to him. She was the only thing he could ever say he was truly proud of. Their relationship, to Leon, was his greatest achievement. It was worth pushing through the discomfort for. It was worth the tough battles.
“Don’t say anything,” she told him, voice guarded. It was clear she thought she might break if he spoke anymore.
So instead Leon leant forwards and pressed a kiss to her lips. He heard Ada’s breath hitch in what sounded like something between surprise and emotion. After a moment, she used her good hand to push him backwards but when they broke apart she chased after him, grabbing him by the collar with a tight fist and pulling him closer.
Leon slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her close as his eyebrows curled into a frown. Having her here now finally in his arms, a lump of something hot caught in his throat.
His hands came up to her face, caressing and holding her close as his hot breath escaped onto her lips. She wasn’t close enough. He wanted to be one with her, tangled and bound together until she was safe within him.
He shifted her, turning until she was pressed between the closed door and his chest. Safe in his arms.
“I love you,” he breathed against her lips. Ada just shook her head. Leon knew why she was doing it. She was still trying to slip away from vulnerability. So he said it again. “I love you.”
“Stop,” she whispered raggedly.
“I love you, Ada.” He said incessantly. She let out a sound and pushed him by the shoulder. Leon broke the kiss and stroked her cheeks. She looked at him like a wounded animal, scowl wavering on her face. “Ada, I hurt you. I need you to know that I love you more than anything. I’d never want to hurt you and I’d never leave you.”
Her lip wobbled.
“Don’t cry, love.” He said softly, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. A ragged sound came from her throat and Ada tugged him forward, wrapping her arms tight around his neck.
Leon squeezed her, letting out a shaky breath as he held a hand to the back of her head and closed his eyes. She grasped at his back with her good hand, grip shaking as she let out a trembling breath.
“Don’t make me beg, Leon.” Ada’s uncharacteristic emotion drew unexpected tears to the corners of his eyes. Hearing her upset was awful. “I can’t have you sacrificing yourself for me.” She shook her head over his shoulder, hair tickling his face.
Leon knew he couldn’t make that promise. He knew Ada knew that too.
“I’m right here,” he said instead. She tried to push him again but Leon held on, moving back only enough to kiss her.
“What have you done to me?” She trembled against his mouth. Leon kept her trapped in his arms, kissing insistently at her lips. He couldn’t let her go. He needed her to know how sorry he was. How he’d always keep her safe. How she was everything to him.
Leon overwhelmed her with kisses, desperate and yearning for her to understand the depths of his devotion. Ada’s half-hearted attempts at resistance soon subsided. He knew that she was perfectly capable of tying him into a knot and vanishing if she’d really wanted to. But she didn’t, if the way she was kissing him back was anything to go by.
Her one hand was grasping at the nape of his neck and the short hairs there, as she pressed against his chest. Leon caressed her back and her face as the intoxicating scent of her own perfume, detergent and a wisp of his own aftershave sitting on her skin washed over him like a wave.
Ada’s hand touched over his shoulders, biceps and the hollows of his cheeks as her bad arm sat cushioned against his chest. Leon knew he really had her when she curled one foot partways around his ankle, which she always did when she was pleased with him.
Over the years, Ada Wong had become rather easy for him to read in some regards. Leon had never expected to say that and it filled him with a rather unique sense of pride.
She began to melt into him, anger seemingly subsiding as she met his lips again and again. Needing her closer was a maddening feeling, and Leon kissed her more desperately than he had in a while.
They’d been doing this on and off for twenty years now, and largely as they got older, it had become more relaxed. They kissed languidly, as if they had nowhere else to be and nothing to worry about. But now, Leon felt thirty again, desperate for her and terrified she might slip through his fingers like smoke.
His tongue swept over her own as Leon ran his fingers through the length of Ada’s hair, cupping her neck gently and brushing his thumb over the angry bruises there. His brow twitched in upset at his previous actions. How Ada was capable of being so forgiving and graceful was beyond him. How she trusted him enough to let this happen after what he’d done to her was a marvel. It was a testament to how much she’d worked on herself. And perhaps also, a testament to the man Leon had always tried to be.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you,” he breathed against her wet lips.
Ada paused briefly, but didn’t reply, pulling him into another kiss. Leon obliged, hands tracing every inch of her to map any other injuries he might’ve caused.
“Don’t indebt yourself to anyone, rookie.” She whispered.
“I did that when I married you.” He pointed out.
Suddenly Ada pulled away, looking at him for a long moment. Her lips were red and a little swollen, eyes darker than Leon ever thought possible with thought and affection and lust and upset. She tried to catch her breath as she looked at him for a long moment. Leon looked back, brushing a gentle hand through her hair.
Ada leant forward and pressed a singular, sweet kiss to his mouth. Leon shut his eyes tight, revelling in the tenderness she gave him, despite all that he’d done. It made emotion stir in his chest again.
She was so graceful. So good to him.
He knew an ‘I love you’ when he felt it.
He pulled away and looked at her rather red eyes. A tight lump formed in his throat. The fact that he’d put his hands on anyone, especially Ada made Leon feel sick to his stomach. And here she was, upset that he had nearly gotten hurt.
The lump grew thicker and Leon hung his head. He shut his eyes for a moment and for just a second, he felt twenty-one again. Scared and confused. About the future. About people getting hurt. About Ada getting hurt.
He opened his eyes, searching over his wife’s face. And just like she often told him, he saw so much of that young girl in her. Cagey and biting and conflicted and earnest and a little afraid.
Leon leant down and gingerly picked up her injured wrist, pressing his lips gently to the pulse point under the bandages.
Ada stroked a hand over the nape of his neck, sniffing shortly. He moved up, gingerly brushing over the bruises on her throat with his mouth.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered against her skin. “I never want you to be afraid of me, Ada.” He murmured, breathing in the smell of her perfume on her clavicle.
She moved backwards away from him, hitting the door as she grabbed his face with both good and bad hand and forced his face up to meet her eye.
“You don’t scare me, Leon.” She told him definitively. “You’re my husband.”
He searched her face for dishonesty or uncertainty. He found none.
“And now everyone knows.” He said.
“Is that a bad thing?” Ada tilted her head at him, tiny frown on her face.
“No,” Leon assured definitively. “I want everyone to know how lucky I am.” He ducked down to press his lips to Ada’s again, hand on her jaw and mouth needing.
Ada grasped at his back, letting out a trembling breath onto his lips. The lump in his throat remained. It felt like they were holding each other together, both equally as capable of bursting into tears or pushing the other away to try and compose themselves.
Ada seemed as desperate as he was now, mouth wet and hand tight on his top. She was pressed flush to him in as many places as she could be, sniffing again. Leon curled one arm around the small of her back and held her close with his other hand splayed across the back of her neck. His heart was aching at Ada’s upset but he knew there was no way to prevent it.
Leon pressed her closer, arms squeezing her as tight to his chest as he could.
Suddenly Ada broke the kiss, hanging her head in the tiny space between them as she caught her breath. Leon didn’t loosen his grip, kissing at her hairline as she sniffled.
After a long moment she looked up, eyes shining still with the sheen of tears.
“I love you,” she got out. Leon’s eyes softened infinitely, leaning down to kiss her gently. “I love you,” she repeated, voice trembling against his mouth.
“I know, baby.” He breathed onto her lips. Ada grasped his jaw, lightly scraping her nails through his stubble.
“I love you,” her voice cracked and Leon pressed her even tighter to him.
“I know,”
Ada broke the kiss to lean backwards and take a shaking breath in. Leon frowned sadly at her as she glanced away from him, lip trembling. The lump in his throat returned, even when he tried to swallow it down.
“Ada, look at me.”
Her brow furrowed as she eyed the corner of the room stubbornly. After a tense moment, she finally glanced back at him, tears rolling down her face.
Leon’s expression twisted sadly.
“I can’t lose you,” she wobbled.
Leon tugged her into a tight hug, own lip trembling as he pressed his hand to the back of her head. He wasn’t sure when he cried last but it felt like the mix of exhaustion, fear, upset and anger had surged forward, spearheaded by Ada’s vulnerability.
She pressed several wet kisses to his cheek as Leon closed his eyes, breathing her in as she sniffed and grasped at the back of his top.
“Never again,” Leon promised, voice low and wracked. “I’ve got you.”
Ada nodded over his shoulder.
“Come to bed?” She asked.
“Wherever you want to go honey,” Leon loosened his grip enough for Ada to slump back against the door, brushing her hand under her eyes. Leon felt a few tears of his own went on his cheeks as he looked at her, face so fond.
She eyed him, expression a lot less guarded and angry than before. She just seemed sad, tired and in love.
Ada pushed off of the door and slipped past him to sit on his bed. She watched him silently as he changed into a pair of sweatpants, washed his face and hair under the tap in the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He knocked back a bunch of water and finally, slipped into bed beside her.
In the dim light they looked at each other, a small space between their faces on the pillow.
“You’re beautiful,” she told him quietly. Leon leant forward and pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder.
“You have to be here when I wake up,” he told her. Ada hummed softly in thought.
“I can’t stay long,”
“I have to make up for this,” he nodded towards her bruised wrist. Ada raised a lazy eyebrow.
“How are you going to do that, rookie?”
“You want a preview?” Leon leant forward and pressed a kiss under her chin. He wasn’t serious, they were both too tired for that. Maybe a few years ago when they were younger, they’d have had the energy. Now was not that time.
His main goal was to make her laugh, as he licked a stripe from her jaw all the way up to her temple. Ada pulled a face somewhere between a smile and a grimace and tried to push him off.
“Ew!”
“What’s wrong?” He asked, feigning ignorance. “Is this doing it for you, Ada?” She tried to slap his hands off of her but he held her down with one hand and held her head still by the jaw with the other, licking her face again.
“Get off!” She wriggled but Leon shifted, getting his weight on her and holding her still. “Leon!” He continued his attack and she finally scoffed out a laugh. “Final warning!” She announced.
Leon slumped backwards off of her, smiling at his handiwork as she grimaced and wiped her face off with her forearm.
“You’re disgusting,” she laughed softly.
“I thought it was hot,” he shrugged. She rolled her eyes and turned away from him. “Oh no you don’t,” Leon wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her backwards until his chest was pressed against her back. He kissed at the nape of her neck as she slipped her fingers over his own, where they were splayed across her stomach.
“Let me sleep, I’m getting old.” She said. Leon hummed against her neck.
“You don't look a day over thirty, gorgeous.” It was a joke. Leon liked that Ada was a little older now. He liked the small grey money pieces she had around her face. He liked the tiny, defining lines on her features. He liked her elegance and gracefulness. She was as beautiful to him now as she had been thirty years ago.
“Well I feel it,” she murmured. Leon tucked his face into the nape of Ada’s neck and pressed one last kiss there.
“Let it go then,” he brought a hand up to squeeze at her rather tense shoulder. “I’m not going to let anything hurt you, Ada.”
There was a long bout of silence where Leon thought his wife had perhaps drifted off to sleep. He massaged her shoulder for a little while before returning his arm to sling around her waist. Ada twisted their fingers together. And then she said, in a rather soft, almost melancholic way,
“I know.”