Chapter Text
Oscar doesn't know how long he walks for.
Five minutes. Maybe twenty.
The cold night air burns in his lungs but it's still
a step up on having to suffocate under Lando's stunned stare.
Fuck. Lando.
He'd said nothing, back in the flat. Nothing to truly showcase his feelings. But that's fine since Oscar read it in his face. The disbelief. The distrust. Oscar wants to slap himself for feeling the disappointment settle behind his ribcage. He'd known. He'd known Lando would react like this, that he doesn't like Oscar the way Oscar does Lando.
Lando not even bothering to call or text are just more proof of that.
Oscar thought it'd at least meant more to Lando, that he meant more to him.
Oscar doesn't even know where they go from here? Does Lando want him to switch flats? Fuck, he hopes not. He really doesn't want that.
But there isn't really any other reasonable solution. Oscar had fucked up and Lando was bound to be uncomfortable. He had every right to kick Oscar out.
He'd need a new flatmate though. Maybe a girl this time. Blond, pretty and just the way Lando likes. Maybe Lando would be the one to fall in love with his flatmate this time.
But, Lando wasn't Oscar- he was charming, funny, sweet, outgoing and way too handsome for his own good. He would always get what he wanted. That was just the way it worked. Lando would get the girl and it would work out. In all the ways Oscar had wanted it to work out between them so, so desperately.
Fuck, Oscar wished he'd been born a girl. But, really, with his luck he probably wouldn't have been Lando's type anyway.
Oscar forces himself not to dwell on whichever potential girl Lando may or may not like in the future and just keeps walking. It had really gotten dark now. He misses Lando already.
He knows he has to get back to the flat soon anyway since his friends all had flatmates of their own anyway and he also wasn't about to impose this spontaneously. Still, he allows himself a few more moments of peace before he has to go back. Maybe he'll get a little something to eat too.
He scratches that thought as soon as it comes though. The idea of eating right now is enough to turn his stomach upside down.
He gives himself a few words of encouragement before inevitably making his way back to Lando's and his shared flat.
All he has to do is sleep, he'll get in silently and Lando won't even notice.
Tomorrow he can start packing up his stuff and once he's done that, he has to talk to Lando. Not because he particularly wants to but because they have to clear up all of the legal stuff, the lease and the rent. He hopes Lando can push away his discomfort just for long enought to clear everything up. Oscar really doesn't want to face him this soon again.
When Oscar gets to the apartment, he finds it empty. He assumes Lando's just in his room, probably on his PC or something. So he makes his way through the joined living room and kitchen and quietly, as quietly as possible, opens the door to his own room. He exhales as soon as he softly shuts the door behind himself.
Oscar gets undressed and slips under his duvet. He's so tired. But before he falls asleep, he takes in his surroundings, the dark brown closet he's had since before he moved to the UK.
The poster of a papaya coloured F1 car above his bed. The edges he had folded it by to transport were partially ripped.
The fairy lights he'd taken three days to properly set up and find the perfect formation.
His desk, that he'd bought with Lando at IKEA only a few weeks after moving in together. Oscar hadn't even really liked it back then, but Lando had. So whether he was getting it or not wasn't really up for debate.
Before Oscar can even begin to think about all the times he's sat at his desk with Lando yapping about something indifferent while lying on his bed, his eyes conveniently slip shut.
Oscar wakes up at some time in the night to the sound of the door hitting the wall hard and stumbling footsteps- two pairs of stumbling footsteps. The two people are making a lot of noise but it's different from what Oscar's used to hearing whenever Lando brings one of his hookups home. There's no high pitched girl moaning and whining but instead it almost sounds like- no that's not. It can't be.
Was this some sort of sick joke of Lando's? Did he want to provoke Oscar? Did he think that this was all just a joke to Oscar too- that his feelings, everyhing he'd desperately been hiding for so long were just something Lando would get to make fun of?
Suddenly, Oscar sees red. He hates this, hates that Lando makes him feel things like this, that everyhing he does has such a big impact on everything Oscar is.
But also, he would've never thought Lando capable of doing anything as cruel as this. Cruel to Oscar and cruel to the guy he's- yeah, Oscar has no clue what Lando even wants with this guy. Why he brought him home.
Of course he knows Lando's intentions but what he doesn't know is why?
He's just so confused and hurt.
He falls asleep before his heart irreversibly breaks for good.
When he wakes up, it's to a quiet flat and a dark world outside his window. He looks over at the alarm on his bedside table which reads 6:18 AM. Way too early for Lando to be up. His stomach rumbles and he takes note of how he hasn't gotten anything to eat since noon yesterday.
He sneaks out of his room and into the kitchen to make himself something quick and uncomplicated. He settles on just eating a bagel with cottage cheese. He doesn't have the energy nor the appetite for anything more right now.
After having finished the first half of his bagel, he hears Lando's door creak and he jumps. Where he expects to see Lando though, there's a buff guy with messed up brunette hair and a twinkle in his eyes. The clothes he's wearing look rumpled and as far as Oscar can tell his shirt's on backwards.
Oscar's stomach turns and it feels like the bagel he's already eaten is about to make a reappearance.
He swallows his discomfort back down though.
The brunette man makes his way over to the kitchen and files through all the cabinets until he apparently finds what he's looking for. A glass. That he fills with water from the tap.
Oscar's frozen in place and observing him so closely it's eerie.
The guy turns to him with a smirk.
"Great flat." He says with an aussie accent. An aussie accent.
"Thanks." Oscar manages to somehow push out but fuck does he want to cry. Lando probably hadn't even noticed that this guy was aussie in his drunken haze last night. But Oscar notices and it just makes everyhing hurt so much more.
"Great flatmate too." He smirks again and lifts his glass to his lips with a chuckle.
Oscar wants to die. But he also wants to kill this guy.
"Uhm-" I know. "Yeah, he's alright, I guess."
The guy just chuckles in that stupid way of his again and lifts his glass one final time before he sets it on the kitchen counter and throws a quick "Bye" over his shoulder when he exits through the front door.
Oscar doesn't dignify him with a response.
He's still in shock by the time he's finally managed to eat the rest of his bagel and return to his room just as quietly as he'd left it earlier.
He doesn't wanna think about Lando or his apparent and sudden interest in men, australian men, at that. He doesn't really wanna think about anything except for when all of this will finally stop.
He doesn't wake up for another few hours.
When he does wake, it's to a shirtless Lando rummaging through his closet and messing up his carefully colour coordinated shirts.
What the hell? he thinks. He voices as much.
"Sorry Osc, didn't have any shirts left and I just came from a shower." He doesn't sound apologetic at the least, continuing to tear through his closet until he triumphantly holds up a shirt. The one Oscar's mom had gotten him, the same one Lando had claimed Oscar looked good in.
Lando immediately pulls it on and- oh god, he looks adorable in it. It's like the shirt is swallowing his small form up.
Oscar feels stupid for thinking this way about somebody who had had somebody else in their bed not even 5 hours ago.
But there's something else that's been plaguing him. Now was the perfect timing for it. They had to talk.
"Look, Lando." Oscar sighs,"I've been thinking and I think it would be best if I moved out. I've already looked for suitable apartments." A lie.
Lando is shocked for a second but then his face pulls into a frown and his bottom lip wobbles. He looks so young, like a child who's been forbidden to play with his favorite toy.
Shit, Oscar feels so bad now. He wants to hug Lando, wants to bundle him up and cuddle and kiss him and tell him he never wants to leave this shared flat they've both been calling home for over four years now. But he can't. Knows neither of them could stand being in close proximity to each other anymore.
Sadly for two very different reasons.
Lando crosses his arms in front of his own chest protectively.
"Why? I don't want you to move out, Oscar."
"Lando, I-", and he thinks about all the times he's had to endure listening and seeing Lando pushed up against another person's body, he thinks about last night, about this morning. How the guy had been aussie.
"It's not really about what you want- or think you want, Lando. I'm sorry."
Lando steps towards Oscar's bed and sits down on it with a desperate and unsure expression.
Ah fuck, Oscar knows what's about to hit him.
I'm sorry, but I don't see you like that, I'm not gay.
I like you, but not like that.
We can still be best friends, though!
Something along those lines.
"Listen, Oscar. I think- no, we need to talk. Yesterday when, uhm, you- well, said what you said, I-" Lando breaks off.
You can't even say it. Oscar wants to scoff.
Yesterday, when Oscar confessed he liked Lando. Yesterday, when he had been sure Lando would be fine about it and at least try to act normally for Oscar's sake. Yesterday, when Lando found out Oscar was a disgusting creep.
Yesterday, when Lando discovered he could no longer trust the boy he's been calling his best friend for years now.
Oscar wants to shrivel up and die right about now.
"Sorry, uhm, I'm just a bit nervous right now. Ah, what am I saying, you must know how I'm feeling right now."
Lando is fidgeting with his nails and Oscar's just confused. Nervous? What?
"I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I'm sorry for you know, how I reacted first of all and that- that you got the feeling I wasn't accepting or whatever. And uhm also I didn't want you to leave so quickly. I searched for you, you know? Couldn't find you so I went to the club for the next best thing." Lando swallows and he looks so guilty.
Oscar's is still so incredibly confused. He doesn't know what Lando's saying. Somewhere inside him though, there's a flicker of hope. Is Lando saying what he thinks he is? No, probably not. The flicker dies as soon as it had emerged.
"I don't understand."
"Fuck okay, Osc. What I mean is, you ran off before I even got the chance to tell you what I felt. And uhm, what I feel is- I feel the same, Oscar. I really fucking like you too, like more than a friend."
Lando exhales and looks at Oscar with hope but also a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.
Oscar can't breathe. Is this real? Is he real? Is Lando real? He can't even begin to think rationally. There's no way that everyhing he's ever wanted, wished for even, was finally true. Lando liked him back.
For a moment, he didn't believe it but then he broke out into a beaming smile that took over his entire face.
At seeinf Oscar's elated expression, Lando finally relaxes too and breaks into an easy smile too.
He scoots closer so that he's sitting at the heigth of Oscar's chest and looking down at him.
"Lan, I'm so fucking happy right now, you have no idea. I've lov- liked you for so long, you're all I've ever wanted."
Oscar doesn't even care if he sounds like a complete dork right now. Lando actually is everything Oscar's ever wanted and he has never been happier than he is at this moment. With Lando.
"All you've ever wanted, huh?" Lando smirks down at him and places a hand on the side of Oscar's face to caress his round cheek.
Oscar almost short circuits and grabs Lando's wrist with his own dainty hand.
Fuck, it can barely reach all the way around.
"Lan." Oscar sounds breathy as he says it.
"Kiss me? Please?"
"Whatever you need, baby."
Oscar chokes on air upon hearing that nickname but before he can inhale more air, there's a plush pair of lips on his. It's so soft and tender and everything Oscar could've wished for.
Shit, he loves this goofy curly haired boy so much, it hurts. But this time, for an entirely different reason. A good reason.
When Lando pulls away, Oscar's grateful for the fresh air he gets to gulp down but also immediately miserably misses Lando's gentle lips.
He whines.
"Greedy." Lando chuckles as he threads his still free hand through Oscar's hair and anchors himself in his swoopy locks.
"Still wanna move out?" He teases the younger boy.
"Idiot." Oscar gets out but feels an embarrassingblush rise high on his cheeks.
Lando giggles before leaning down again until they're face to face.
He touches the tips of their noses together before joining their lips in another sweet kiss.
Oscar can't help but think that this is so much more than he ever could've asked for.
Everything's perfect.