Chapter Text
Unbeknownst to his friends, Saps has been gathering information. Like the super awesome matchmaker he is, of course he was going to make sure his ship even has a chance at sailing before doing anything.
Well, he knows none of his ships has ever failed, so he was pretty confident this one wouldn't be any different, but he still wanted to be sure. Boy, did he hit the jackpot with this one.
He knew it from the moment Thomas was acting weird, but now he was sure about it.
"Wait for me, guys! I just have to find my- Thomas?" Saps raised an eyebrow, finding Thomas in his room. On Augustus' side of the room, specifically.
"Hi, Saps!" Thomas looks at him with a kind smile before continuing to rummage through Augustus' wardrobe.
To avoid making the mistake from two days ago, Saps grabbed his phone from his nightstand before looking back at Thomas. "Uh… you looking for something?"
"Yup!" Thomas then pulls out a sweater from one of the drawers, unfolded. Seriously, if Saps ever told Flux about this, he'd go nuts. "Augustus forgot to give my sweater back to me, so I assumed it was around here somewhere. I wasn't snooping, don't worry!"
"Uh-huh…" Saps looks behind him at Augustus sitting on the couch. "Why would Augustus have your sweater?"
"I gave it to him! He was cold, and it seemed like the friendly thing to do. The AC was on too cold. Totally my fault."
"Uh-huh. Friendly." Saps squinted his eyes. "Anyways- me, Magic and Flux are going to get groceries. Do you want anything in particular?"
Thomas hums, pondering to himself before shaking his head. "No, nothing for me, but could you maybe get more salted caramel and almonds ice cream for Augustus? We ran out on our movie night yesterday."
"Uh-huh… sure. I can get your ice cream."
"Great! Thank you, Saps!" Thomas beams. He really was just that oblivious. Well, no matter. Saps already had a plan going.
"Uh-huh."
"You say that a lot."
And, see, that interaction wouldn't seem like much on its own, but this was a pattern! A pattern Saps knew all too well how to identify.
They didn't realize it yet, but they were in love. Seriously, how can one be so oblivious to their own crush?
Luckily for them, Saps was a great friend! He was going to help these poor souls make a move. He couldn't do it on his own, though, so…
"I'm guessing you all must be wondering why I cited you here in this beautiful evening." Saps said before taking a sip of his coffee mug. He was currently at Magic and Stella's dorm, sitting at their round table with Flux.
"What are you talking about?" Magic frowns, holding up her phone. "You just made a group chat with me, Stella and Flux in it and texted 'Important. Magic and Stella's dorm at 6 today' and then ignored my questions."
Flux glared at Saps from across the table. "Yeah. And why wasn't Thomas added to the group chat?"
"That's kind of mean, Saps. We shouldn't exclude Thomas like that." Stella adds.
"I have a good reason!" This was going horribly. The last thing he wanted was for his friends to think he had something against Thomas. "It's not that I'm excluding him! I just need your guys' help with something super important."
"And why do you need only our help and not Thomas'?" Flux presses. Saps almost regretted inviting Flux in on his scheme, but then he remembered he's the closest person to Thomas and he decides to power through.
"Thomas shouldn't know about any of this." Also, he's kind of stupid. He wouldn't be in on this even if it wasn't about him. "Because we are going to help our dear friend Thomas to get with the love of his life."
"Are you actually kidding me.." Flux's eye twitched. He was used to Saps' antics but this was just getting ridiculous.
"Thomas has a crush? Awww… that's really sweet." Stella's and Saps' gushing was not shared with the rest of the group. Magic nearly gagged at the idea.
"He does, indeed. I know he has a crush on my really good friend Augustus." Saps smirks.
"Augustus? Sounds familiar…" Stella perks up slightly. "Isn't that Zora's short friend?"
"Poor Augustus…" Magic adds quietly, resting her face on her hand.
"Poor Augustus, indeed. His future boyfriend won't make a move on him because he has no rizz!" Saps was well aware that that is not what Magic meant by what she said.
"You did not just unironically say 'rizz'." Flux rubbed his face in frustration. Saps sometimes wondered how it was possible for him not to have died of a stroke by now. "And Thomas doesn't like Augustus like that. It's a minor fixation at best."
"Really, Flux? You actually believe that?" Saps then turns to look at Flux with a bored expression. Seriously, what does a guy need to do to get supportive friends around here!?
"Yeah, I do." Flux crossed his arms stubbornly.
"So you see Thomas catering to Augustus' every whim and you think that he doesn't even have a tiny crush on him?"
"Well-"
"You hear Thomas ask us about how to get in Augustus' good side all the damn time and you don't think it's more than friendly? You see him smile like an idiot when Augustus insults him in every language known to man, and still think 'huh. That's a minor fixation, alright'?" That seemed to have left Flux speechless for good.
"You said he was crushing on Augustus- why does he sound like a simp?" Magic grimaced in disgust.
"I think it's cute! I want Thomas to be happy." Well, at least Stella was on Saps' side in a way, and Magic didn't seem opposed to it because Stella was in on it. Saps was taking this as a win.
"It's settled, then! Operation Thomcat is a go!" Saps then reaches into his bag to grab his phone.
"That's a stupid ass name." Flux could complain all he wanted, but he wasn't saying no to the plan or leaving the dorm, which basically means that he is helping out with it.
"Anyways! There is a new aquarium on a town 30 minutes away, so I say we let them have a little aquarium date." Saps could see the protest in Flux's eyes, so he quickly pulled up an email on his phone: virtual entrances for the aquarium. "And I already got us all tickets, and I know your schedules are free for this weekend, so you all have to go now."
"Oh, I've been wanting to go to that one with Stella since the announcement." Magic smiles excitedly.
"See? We all win." Saps puts his phone down. "So, here's my plan…"
The one good thing about the library was that it was supposed to be quiet. Unfortunately for Thomas, David hated silence when he was drunk. He might be chronically drunk.
"Thomas, heyyy…" David sat on the seat across from him on the table. He was the last person he wanted to see right now.
"Kinda busy here, David…" Thomas said as quietly as he could muster, hoping that David would get the hint and shut up. When have things ever gone Thomas' way, though?
"Yeah, yeah… listen. It's been almost a month already…" David rests his hand on the table, grumbling quietly. "Where's all the fun you promised me?"
Oh. That.
Thomas was trying to pretend it never happened, actually, and was hoping David lost his interest in it. To a point, at least.
It's really starting to feel wrong now. Maybe it's because I've grown closer to Augustus, but… the idea of making him genuinely upset hurts so bad.
It's only fun when he pretends to be mad. I don't want him to genuinely be mad at me.
"Well, it takes time." Is all Thomas manages to say in response. In reality, as conflicted as he was, he didn't want to believe he had done all of this for nothing. Augustus was nice, but not having to worry about tuition for a bit and not lagging every time he plays was nicer. "Does it really look like Augustus is the type to fall that quickly?"
"I guess not." David hums thoughtfully. "I just- I thought that if anyone would be able to get past Augustus' barriers, it would be you."
"Why me?"
"Just your general vibe." David looks at Thomas up and down, gesturing at nothing. "Augustus used to be a lot like you, you know. Innocent, go-lucky… stupid-"
"Hey!"
"I guess I just thought you'd be able to bring that out from him again. Not that I care." David stares at nothing for a while, and Thomas is almost sure that he's drunk again, but really? When isn't he? "Things were just… a lot more interesting before."
Thomas only hums in response. What was he supposed to say to that? He won't lie and pretend that he's not at least a bit curious about it. As far as he knows, he and Augustus are polar opposites personality-wise, so the thought of Augustus being just like him before was a bit…
"Anyways- I'm here for the long game. Just give me a heads up when you ask him out, 'kay? I want to see it with my own two eyes."
"Sure. I'll let you know." Thomas nods his head slowly, but he isn't sure if he believes his own words.
"If he says yes, I'll pay you more to keep it up for a bit longer." Well, that changes things, now doesn't it?
"I thought you said you didn't care about this."
David hums, shrugging his shoulders before getting up and leaving.
Thomas looks down at his books, unable to concentrate in his assignment anymore. On one hand, he genuinely wanted the money. To be as rich as he hoped to be one day, he needed to innovate, and that required a significant amount of money up front, and that's without considering his student loans.
Going through with what David wanted takes a lot of that weight off his shoulders, he's sure.
But he'd be lying if he didn't say he hadn't grown fond of Augustus. He'd be lying if he said that he wouldn't die a little inside if he were to lose the dynamic they currently had going on.
He'd be lying if he said his chest didn't grow a little warmer every time Augustus would go greet him at the door instead of only acknowledging his presence with a nod or a hum.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't like how Augustus started seeking him out recently, grabbing at his sleeves in a silent plea for him to hold him, how he'd hold out his hand, expecting Thomas to grab it because he's already used to holding Augustus' hand in his own every time they were close.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the way Augustus would just sit down next to him on the couch and snuggle up to his side, plop down next to Thomas in his bed when no one was around, as if he belonged there, and, by Ish, he really did.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't find Augustus' petulance whenever he teased him to be cute and endearing.
He'd be lying.
But lying is all he's done this entire time, is it not?
He had never been honest about his intentions to be closer to Augustus; not to Saps, not to Flux, and definitely not Augustus himself.
But what else is he supposed to do? He never accounted for how much he was going to enjoy this.
Isn't this easier, though? To pretend to love someone I like instead of someone I can't stand… David is practically just giving me his money. Augustus has no idea of any of this.
He doesn't have to know. I don't have to tell him.
What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him, right?
If the eyes can't see, the heart can't feel.
He fidgets with the ballpoint pen in his desk, rolling it around, clicking it, repeating the same words in his head like a mantra, hoping to drown the feeling of guilt.
He eventually decides that he's not really doing any work anymore. He's better off just distracting himself with something else. Something that doesn't need him to think much. So, he goes back to his dorm. Maybe he should just do something with Augustus since Saps and Flux are out.
When he walks in, coincidentally, he finds Augustus leaving his room and walking over to him. In Thomas' mind, though, Augustus ran to his direction when he heard him coming.
"Thomas." Augustus says blankly as he stands in front of him, expecting the usual.
Usually, Thomas would just wrap an arm around his shoulder and greet him back, but he didn't know what possessed him to immediately pull Augustus into an embrace. Maybe it was the conflicting thoughts he was dealing with.
"Thomas, you're crushing me." Augustus grumbled against Thomas' shoulder, his voice slightly muffled, but he still leaned into it. "What's wrong with you today?"
"Nothing." Thomas hums. Augustus really had no idea. He wouldn't admit it, but he was starting to care for Thomas deeply, too. Thomas was well aware of that fact. He doesn't think that would've happened if Augustus was suspicious of his intentions. "Can't a guy simply want affection every once in a while? You never hug me back…"
"I don't do hugs." And yet, Augustus gently rubs Thomas' back. He was bad at pretending he didn't care. He was bad at pretending that he didn't see Thomas as a friend. "I'm serious, though. Did something happen? Rough day on campus or something?"
Thomas shakes his head, burying his face in Augustus' hair. "Not really. I'm just feeling affectionate today."
"Whatever floats your boat, I guess." Augustus hesitates, lowering his gaze slightly. "My feet hurt, though, so…"
He didn't say anything else; he didn't have to. Thomas was more than happy to continue this on the couch. This was supposed to be a really romantic gesture. From the books he's read, everything Thomas has done should make him irresistible to his love interests but Augustus won't even call him a friend yet when he so clearly already sees him as one.
Thomas enjoyed the chase, even finding Augustus playing hard to get when he jokingly flirted with him to be endearing, but it really gets to a point.
He traces a hand on the back of Augustus' head absentmindedly, the gentle caresses almost apologetic by nature. He traces the outline of the man in his arms, his hand moving from the side of his head, to his shoulder, to his forearm… his wrist felt so fragile in his hand, like he could crush it under his grip if he wanted to-
"Ow." Augustus stiffened, gripping the front of Thomas' shirt.
Thomas reeled in his thoughts. Nothing bad had happened yet and he was already hurting Augustus. "Ah- sorry! Did I hurt you?" It felt like a warning in a sense, but Thomas didn't do warnings. Not when they got in the way of what he wanted.
"No, but…" Augustus shook his head slowly, hesitating. "Actually, there's something I probably need to tell you."
Thomas nods with a hum, signaling that he's listening. He doesn't pull back to look at Augustus; he already knew that attempts at eye contact would make him chicken out of whatever it is he was trying to say.
"About the rumors… um… y-you really mean it when you say you haven't heard absolutely anything about them?"
Thomas shakes his head slowly, giving Augustus his full attention. "No, I haven't. Is it something bad?"
The latter frowns, his hands fidgeting with his sleeves absentmindedly. Thomas usually found it endearing, but it felt different this time.
"Guess who are going to the aquarium that just recently opened up!" Trust Saps Saparata and Fluixon Aculon to interrupt every time Thomas and Augustus are having a moment.
"Hope we're not interrupting anything." Saps huffs out a laugh at the sight in front of him before holding out a hand to Flux. The latter sighed in annoyance, reaching into his pocket and placing a bill in Saps' hand.
Thomas frowns a bit. His friends meant no ill but he had been dying to know what the rumors were about, and he was hoping to hear from Augustus himself. "Yeah. In fact, we-"
"You're not interrupting anything." Augustus interrupts, pulling back from Thomas and sitting up on the couch. There went Thomas' chance to figure out what was going on. "What's this about an aquarium?"
"I got us tickets to the new aquarium that opened up!" Saps was unaware of the tension in the room, basically bouncing with excitement and he looked at Thomas and Augustus as if he expected them to share his enthusiasm. "They opened, like, a week ago? And I've heard it's really cool!"
Thomas forced a small smile, pursing his lips and pushing his frustration at the interruption to the back of his mind to be lost forever. He doesn't know how much longer he could avoid the rumors. "The aquarium sounds fun, Saps."
"Isn't it!? We're going tomorrow. It's a weekend, so we don't have any classes. And it's only an hour drive, so we can just catch an early morning bus if Flux none of us want to drive and spend the day there." Saps pulls up the virtual tickets on his phone, showing them to Augustus and Thomas with a grin on his face. "I also invited Magic and Stella, and I know you guys are free tomorrow and I already bought the tickets, so you have to go!"
Thomas sighed, feeling like he couldn't really protest. The tickets were already bought, and Saps was practically buzzing with excitement.
"Sure, why not?" He chirps, trying to match Saps' enthusiasm. "It'll be fun, right?" He looked over at Augustus, hoping to gauge his reaction.
"Yeah... 'fun'." Augustus mockingly, rolling his eyes. "Do I have to go to a glorified cage for animals slowly descending into zoochosis?"
He knew that Saps meant well, and he didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings by refusing. But just the thought alone of spending the day at the aquarium, surrounded by people and noise and excitement, was making him irritated.
Saps pouts in mock offense at his comment. "Hey, come on, it's not just a 'glorified cage for animals', it's an educational experience!"
He exclaimed, clearly trying to convince Augustus. "And besides, it'll be fun! We'll see all kinds of cool fish and marine life, and there's even a touch pool where you can pet the stingrays!"
Augustus wrinkles his nose in disgust, not quite convinced. "Oh joy. So I get to touch slimy fish that probably spend all day bumping into glass and contemplating their life choices? Sounds amazing."
"Well, it's not like you have anything better to do tomorrow, do you?" For his part, Flux cannot believe he was currently helping Saps with his scheme, but he just wanted Augustus out of the dorm for once.
He was worried sick, though he would never admit it.
Augustus let out an exasperated huff, his eyebrow twitching in irritation. "I could think of a million things I'd rather do than go to the aquarium, thank you very much."
"Pleeeeeease, Augustus? It'll be fun, I promise! We'll only be there for a few hours, and we can leave anytime you want. And I already bought tickets for everyone, so it would be a waste if you didn't go." Saps, still determined to convince Augustus to go, decided to change tactics. He put on his best sweet and pleading expression, giving Augustus his best puppy-dog eyes.
"You used to love aquariums back in high school... Plus! It would be a fun distraction from the fact that you actually have to start going to lectures in campus next week..." He said, his voice turning into a whiny tone, hoping that it would melt Augustus' grumpy demeanor.
"I don't know..." Augustus let out a sigh, his defenses faltering somewhat at Saps' pleading. He knew he had a soft spot for his friend, and Saps damn well knew it too. He was tempted to give in, to go along with the plan and tolerate the crowds and the noise and the overstimulation for just a few hours. But the thought of being surrounded by so many strangers was causing him a significant amount of distress. He wanted nothing to do with people unless he had no other choice.
Thomas tilts his head. He wasn't too thrilled about the aquarium, either, but he figured this was a perfect opportunity to get closer to Augustus. He decides to scoot closer to Augustus, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Come on, please? It will be good for you to go out. You've been stuck in the dorm for a while... it worries me a little."
Augustus didn't need any more convincing. He looked up at Thomas' frown and he made up his mind. "Okay, fine. I'll go."
"What? Really?" Saps blinks in surprise. "That's all it took?"
When Augustus only shrugs, Saps looks behind him over his shoulder at Flux, mouths something, and then grins.
"Perfect!" He beams. Something about his demeanor made Augustus inch closer to Thomas, just barely. "I'll let Magic and Stella know! We're leaving tomorrow."
The next day, Saps took it upon himself to wake everyone up early, still taking care of being gentle with Augustus. The ride was mostly uneventful, Stella and Thomas were talking in the back seat, Magic zoning out while looking out the window, and Augustus napping comfortably against Thomas' side despite Saps loudly singing romantic ballads while driving, all while Flux was the one with the directions, visibly annoyed with Saps' antics.
When they arrived at the aquarium, Saps didn't waste any time to get started. He pulls Flux, Stella and Magic aside with a grin, rubbing his hands together. "Remember the plan, everyone."
"We know the plan." Flux frowns. "The problem is that you were being too vague about it."
"Flux has a point…" Stella smiles sheepishly, rubbing her arm. "I mean… how exactly are we going to leave those two on their own while making sure it looks natural?"
To that, Saps had no retort. The aquarium was bigger than he thought it was going to be and, knowing Thomas, the other was going to strongly advice all of them against splitting up to avoid getting lost.
Magic was reading one of the pamphlets she picked up at the entrance, humming quietly to herself before holding it up for the group to see. "There is a dolphin show happening in like an hour. I don't really care what we do. I just want to go see it with Stella."
Saps' eyes lit up when Magic says that. Bingo.
His plan was falling into place and he barely had to do anything. As far as he knows, Augustus isn't too keen on being in the aquarium in the first place, he will not be thrilled about having to be in a crowded space with people yelling and cheering for dolphins, especially since —though he'll never admit it— Augustus has a strong phobia for said animals.
"That's actually perfect, Magic!" Saps beams, patting the girl on the head.
"Don't patronize me…"
"This is what we're going to do. You girls can go to the dolphin show, maybe Flux if he wants to join, and I will make up some excuse to leave Thomas and Augustus to wander around on their own, maybe hold hands… and kiss by the end of the outing!" Saps then glanced at Flux and Stella, silently congratulating himself for a flawless plan.
"Yes! And we'll get ice cream to celebrate!" Stella beams, sharing Saps' enthusiasm.
Saps nods. "Yes, exactly. Flux treats."
"Excuse me-"
"Are you sure this is going to work how you think it's going to?" Magic throws the pamphlet away, already satisfied with the information she got. "Thomas can be a bit… you know."
"Stupid? Naive? A coward?" Flux agrees, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Uh, yeah. All of those."
"Have a little fate on our good friend Thomas, guys." Saps clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disappointment while ignoring the fact that he feels very much the same way. "He just needs a little nudge in the right direction, and I'm happy to help!"
Just then, Thomas walks over to them with a neon orange bracelet on his wrist, Augustus tailing closely behind him.
"We got in! Sorry for making you guys wait." Thomas rubs the back of his head with a faint chuckle. "Augustus insisted on putting the bracelet on by himself."
Augustus looks up at Thomas, feeling betrayed. He had indeed taken an insanely long time to find the adhesive of the bracelet and fumbled with it for a solid two minutes.
"I just wanted to do it myself, okay? I don't need you doing anything for me." He crosses his arms over his chest in a way that was almost petulant, clearly embarrassed.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Magic says, Flux snickering beside her.
"Anyways…" Thomas places a hand on Augustus' shoulder, trying to steer the conversation away. "Where are we going first? I mean, this place is huge!"
"I'm going with Magic to the dolphin show." Stella smiles kindly, making everything seem as natural as possible.
"Yeah, so I was thinking about splitting into smaller groups and go our separate ways to explore the aquarium at our own pace." Saps jumps in eagerly. Everything was going according to plan. "Then we can all meet up at the shark tunnel."
"Wait, wait." Augustus' expression soured at the idea of being alone in a crowded place. "We're splitting up?"
"Well, yeah." Stella looks at Augustus with a hint of concern. "Me and Magic are going to the dolphin show, and it's probably going to be a while. We don't want to hold you guys back."
"Yeah, and I have a thing… I need to take care of…" Lying was not one of Saps' strong suits right now. "I mean, you can help me if you want but you'd have more fun here."
Augustus contemplates the options laid out in front if him for a bit. "Could… could I go with Thomas?"
"Done." Saps grins. That was easier than he thought. He didn't even need to put Thomas as an option. "Flux will help me, then!"
Flux turns to look at Saps with an indignant frown. "I never once agreed to whatever tomfoolery you're about to drag me into…"
"Have fun, guys! See you in a bit!" Saps completely dismisses Flux and starts dragging him away.
Stella laughed quietly. Watching those two never got old. "Well, me and Magic should probably get going before the line gets too long."
"Of course." Thomas nods. "See you guys, then."
Stella nods before letting herself be dragged away by Magic. Something felt a bit off about this entire thing to Thomas, but he trusts his friends. Surely they're not doing this out of malice. They had their own things going on, after all, right?
Plus, this was playing in Thomas' favor. Now, why would he throw away an opportunity like this?
He reaches down to gently hold Augustus' hand in his own, looking down at him with a warm smile. "Do you want to see anything in particular?"
Augustus' squeezes Thomas' hand for comfort before shaking his head. "Not really. I don't even know what they have here, so…"
"I do. I looked the aquarium up yesterday." Thomas starts leading the way through the aquarium. The darkness was a bit comforting, he thinks. "How about I take you to exhibitions I think you'd like?"
Augustus nods his head, letting Thomas guide him through the establishment. "I hope you don't mind being stuck with me the entire day."
"Of course I don't. Why would I?" Thomas' expression softened, giving Augustus' hand a comforting squeeze. "I kind of like it, actually. We get to spend the whole day together. Just the two of us."
"Ugh." Augustus felt the all-too-familiar warmth rising to his face, his beating heart betraying the annoyance he felt. "You're making it sound like a date."
"Well, isn't that exactly what this is? We're spending the entire day wandering around an aquarium, just the two of us." Thomas looks up at the tank beside him, watching the colorful fish swimming around in awe. "It sounds just like a date to me."
"Well, it's… i-it's…" Augustus was looking around at the people surrounding them. The place wasn't too crowded, but he didn't enjoy the exhibitions because he was too focused on the people around him, Thomas noted. "It's not a date! Don't get it twisted. We're just two friends hanging out, that's all."
"Oh, we're friends now?"
"You-…"
"And holding hands like this is a friendly thing too, right?" Thomas gently lifted their joined hands, emphasizing their joint grip.
"Friends can hold hands, too!" Augustus protested, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he tried to convince Thomas.
Thomas reveled in the fact that he was the reason why Augustus was so flustered, especially since he was usually so guarded. "Sure, sure…"
He hums, looking around until a particular hallway caught his eye. There wasn't many people there, and it looked relatively dark. If he had to guess, that's probably the jellyfish tunnel. It looked empty, so he guessed that was probably something Augustus would enjoy more.
Augustus wasn't thinking much, only following wherever Thomas took him. The sudden darkness hit him like a truck, though, and he had to adjust his eyes to the lighting, blinking several times.
He soon found out why.
When he opened his eyes again, he found himself inside a large tunnel, the walls all made of protective glass. On the other side, he could see hundreds of jellyfish, some casting a glow of their own while others could only reflect the faint light in their enclosure with their translucent bodies.
Augustus was mesmerized by the sight, dragging Thomas closer to the glass, staring at the jellyfish in awe. He could see how thy gracefully glided through the water, their tentacles trailing behind them like ribbons. It made him drop the stoic facade.
Noticing this, Thomas steps a bit closer to him. "Do you like it?" He said it so quietly, as if he worried that speaking too loudly would break Augustus' immersion.
"It's pretty…" Augustus nods, his hand still gripping Thomas'. His heart skipped one too many beats at the way Augustus said it; the dreamy, trance-like tone he used sounding like gentle ballads to Thomas' ears,
It was nice seeing him like this, all defenses dropped, the usual furrow of his eyebrows gone, and his expression relaxed. Thomas only ever saw something akin to this whenever Augustus accidentally falls asleep on his side while they're watching movies together, but seeing him like this whenever he was awake was something else entirely.
Thomas couldn't help but stare, committing every curve in line of Augustus' face to memory, captivated the soft glow of the jellyfish cast on Augustus' face.
He's so beautiful like this.
Well, he usually is, but even more so now…
Of course, Augustus eventually caught Thomas' staring, especially when he was doing it so intensely. He glanced at Thomas before quickly returning his gaze to the jellyfish, his free hand instinctively rubbing his cheek as if trying to clean something off of it. "W-What are you staring at?"
"Me? I'm just admiring the view." Thomas smiles innocently. "The jellyfish are nice, sure, but you're more captivating."
Augustus chokes on air. "You're being stupid. There's nothing special about me."
"I beg to differ. I think you're the prettiest thing here."
"You're just saying that."
Thomas then leans closer to Augustus, pretending not to notice that he was hovering just over his ear. "Is it really that hard to believe that I find you absolutely breathtaking?"
Augustus visibly shivered at the proximity, feeling as if he was about to combust from it all. "You're just trying to mess with me…" He managed out, though it was closer to an unintelligible sputter.
"Now, why in the world would I ever do that?" I'm doing it… watching all those movies did help, after all.
"I think the turtles are right this way!" A girl chirped, running behind them across the tunnel, followed by a group of relatively young children, all giggling among themselves.
The interruption made them both self-conscious, prompting Augustus to pull back to keep distance between them.
Thomas sighs, looking behind him over his shoulder. The tunnel was empty again. People used it more like a path to other exhibitions instead of his own attraction, he realizes. Maybe it was better this way.
"Wouldn't it be nice to be one of them?" Augustus mumbles, snapping Thomas out of his thoughts. He was back to admiring the jellyfish. "Being brainless, I mean. Not having to think or worry about anything ever and just… exist and be pretty."
"Are you sure about that?" Thomas frowned a bit. Something about Augustus' words felt ominous. He suddenly didn't feel to comfortable with the space between them anymore, so he inches closer to Augustus, discreetly trying to close it.
He always knew that Augustus had a weird, almost dark, sense of humor, but this felt different in a way he couldn't place.
Maybe he was still shaken up from what happened four days ago. Maybe he was still worried about what he thinks he knows.
Augustus hums, contemplating the words he was about to say. "Well… think about it. They don't have any thoughts. No emotions, no expectations… just mindless drifting."
He looks back at Thomas with an unreadable expression. "No pain, no sadness, no regrets…"
"No pleasure, either." Thomas argues back, his voice laced with concern. "They can't experience the fullness of life. No excitement or joy or love… nothing."
Part of him wanted to believe that Augustus was just being jokingly morbid again, but his mind was giving this conversation a weight that felt disproportionate.
He felt like it wasn't just about the jellyfish. Not when Augustus was staring at them with something terrifyingly close to longing.
"But they don't experience the bad things, either. No pain, anger, heartbreak, disappointment…" Augustus sighed, his expression distant. His hand felt cold in Thomas' grasp, and it usually is, but now even more so. "I envy that."
"You don't really mean that, do you?" Thomas' voice wavered slightly. Plenty of times before has Augustus concerned him with the things he says.
This was different. More heavy.
This wasn't just Augustus joking about killing himself because Flux was worried about his lack of physical exercise and suggested he went out for a walk. This wasn't Augustus blurting out some disturbing fact he learned about dolphins whenever it got too quiet, successfully haunting Thomas' sleep.
It felt more serious than that.
"Who knows…" Augustus dragged out the sentence, trying to make it sound more lighthearted than it actually was. It didn't help. It just made Thomas feel uneasy.
Not giving Thomas any time to process or think anything, Augustus speaks again. "Thomas, the rumors about me are true. Most of them."
Augustus looked up at Thomas firmly, though there was a hint of fear in his expression. His lips were quivering and his grip on Thomas' hand faltered. "After Saps and Flux interrupted us yesterday, I just… I wasn't going to bring it up again. I wanted to keep you waiting for me, but I… I don't think that's fair. Not to you."
Thomas froze, feeling the familiar sense of dread building up in his chest, squeezing his lungs and suffocating him, keeping him speechless.
"E-Especially after you have been so patient and kind this entire time… y-you waited to hear this from me before listenning to what others had to say… y-you're so kind, Thomas…"
Those words stung more than anything, because… no. No, he wasn't.
If Augustus knew why Thomas acted like that in the first place, "kind" would be the last word he would think of to describe Thomas.
"I'm…" Augustus' voice trembled as he choked on the weight of his own words. "I-I'm not well, Thomas… haven't been. Not for, like- five years."
Thomas usually loved how small Augustus was compared to him. He was easier to hold, to pick up and carry, but he hated it right now. He hated how small and scared Augustus seemed.
Augustus blinks away tears, anxiously looking around the empty tunnel, worried someone might hear. "I-I know that people have been spreading my business. I know what they're saying. That they think I'm insane, or that I'll turn out to be some shooter because I was stuck in the nuthouse last summer- and I was, but I'm not like that."
Thomas' mind immediately went back to the connections he had done before, and hated how this explanation made so much sense. "R-Really…?"
"Yeah." Augustus nods stiffly, his gaze dropping to the ground. Thomas hated that he looked resigned and disappointed. "I-I made a stupid mistake, and made everyone worry… I-I made my brother worry, m-my friends…"
He squeezes his eyes shut, running a hand through his hair. He wanted to block everything out, and a part of him wished he never said anything at all about this. "I-I kept you waiting because, w-well, you saw Saps and Flux! How they act around me like I'm a landmine, and I didn't want you to be like that. To feel like you have to be delicate with me or something."
Thomas remembered the looks Saps and Flux would shoot Augustus when they thought he wasn't looking; looks of pity, concern, fear, worry…
He gently squeezes Augustus' hand. "How long were you there for?"
"Almost two months…" Augustus' voice was quiet and strained, and Thomas wasn't surprised. Augustus always acted like he was allergic to vulnerability.
Two months…
Thomas' mind reeled as he processed the information. Two months that the man in front of him had been struggling in a psychiatric unit.
But more than that, Thomas knows…
I'm never seeing Heaven. I'm going straight to Hell after I die.
Everything he's done, the image he fabricated in Augustus' eyes, it was all for his own gain. None of it was out of a genuine attraction towards Augustus, he knows that, and now… how is he supposed to take it all back? To make it better?
After everything he's done? Everything he's said?
This changed everything as much as it explained everything.
How Saps was always so quick to bend over backwards to make Augustus more comfortable, how Flux never snapped at him or scolded him for the chores he forgot to do even though he would yell at the top of his lungs if it were anyone else…
The incident of four days ago…
The more Thomas thought about it, the more he felt like a monster, like a fraud.
He pretended to care about Augustus, to feel something for him in the way he flirted, but knowing for sure that he had been taken advantage of someone who was mentally unwell this entire time… it made him sick to his stomach.
"D-Do you take anything?" Is all he manages to say.
"Mhm. A few things. Antidepressants, mood stabilizers, that sort of stuff. They help. Sometimes." By the way Augustus was acting, looking up at Thomas with confusion, it was clear he expected a different reaction from Thomas. "They make me feel numb sometimes, though."
Thomas didn't know how to feel. Emotionally, that is. He feels lightheaded and like someone was punching him in the gut over and over again, though that's probably something he deserves by this point. "D-Do you feel numb a lot?"
"I have my good days and bad days. Depends on how well the meds are working… or if I remember to take them at all." Augustus tried to joke, trying to get rid of the tension he now noticed in Thomas' stance. "I know that Flux is frustrated with me. I always forget to do my chores, or help out, or… anything, really."
He looks to his side, huffing bitterly. "Saps tries to be nice and do the work for me, but I hate that he has to do that. I hate that they won't scold me. I know they're worried, but I hate it… I hate knowing that I'm making them put up with me."
"Don't beat yourself up." Thomas shakes his head slowly. God, I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry. "They care about you- of course they want to help you."
"But that's why it sucks!" Augustus lets go of Thomas' hand to grip at his sleeves in frustration, his hands shaking. "Every time I slip up, or forget to do something, they just look at me like I'm pitiful- I hate it. I don't want their help. I don't want their pity."
"It's not pity." Thomas mumbles quietly, his hands shaking, cupping Augustus' face with a gentleness he now knows he hated, but he can't help it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… "They care about you, Augustus. They're worried because they love you."
Augustus chokes out a small sound, his hands slowly letting go of his sleeves to grab at Thomas' wrists like he wanted to push him away, but he didn't. "A-Are you going to treat me differently now…?"
Thomas shakes his head, the overwhelming guilt he felt crushing his heart. "No… of course not. You're still the same person to me."
"Y-You're sure…?" Augustus' voice came out as a trembling whimper. "Y-You don't think any less of me…? Even though I kept you waiting this long?"
This was torturous. Thomas wondered if this was close enough to torture training. "I could never think any less of you." And even if I did, I have no right to. I have no right to be upset. Not at you.
At that, Augustus crashed into Thomas' arms, burying his face in his neck, his hands gripping the back of his shirt tightly. "I-I'm sorry… I should've told you sooner…"
"I'm not upset." Thomas runs his fingers on the back of Augustus' hair soothingly.
"I-I had you waiting like an idiot, I'm sorry…"
"It's okay… it's alright." God, please stop apologizing. My heart can't take this anymore, Augustus. I should be apologizing to you. I should be groveling on my knees. I'm so sorry.
They stayed like that until Augustus' trembling seized, which wasn't long. Thomas guessed the jellyfish played a role in that.
"Do you want to keep looking around?" Thomas says after a bit, reaching for Augustus' hand again. When the latter nodded and pulled back, Thomas started leading the way again, his conscience yelling at him with every step he took.
Unbeknownst to them, hiding in the darkness were the figures of Flux and Saps.
"Huh. That went surprisingly well." Flux mumbles as he watches Thomas and Augustus leave the tunnel. "I have to hand it to you, Saps, you really-"
A choked sob cut through his sentence, making him look behind him to find Saps bawling his eyes out. He huffs in annoyance. "Really?"
"Flux… that was beautiful…" Saps whines, wiping his tears on his sleeves. "They grow so fast…"
"Oh, my God… stop it with that. You practically dragged me here, and now you're getting all sappy on me?" Flux crosses his arms over his chest, looking at Saps with a glare.
With no self-awareness, Saps starts clinging to Flux's arm. "But that's my name…!"
"Ughhh…" Flux groans, rolling his eyes and patting Saps' back. "You're an ugly crier. Stop that."
"Sowwyy…"