Chapter Text
(4 months later)
“Ughhhhhhh…” I groan as I roll out of bed.
“I feel like I’ve had my rifle sitting on my chest all night. Fuck that hurts.”
I’ve been trying to eat better, figured out that rice works fine, albeit a bit plain.
I’m mainly back to my chips but I’ve been idly chewing on celery and cooking stuff to balance things out, helps calm down the stay thoughts, not sure what else to call em’.
I go to brush my teeth, trying to avoid the mirror, for awhile now it’s felt…weird, looking at myself.
Granted, I’ve had similar feelings back when I was like 13 and before but that’s not relavent.
“Why do I keep waking up sore?” I wonder to myself brushing my teeth.
After finishing I end up going through some chips and celery before playing some more video games.
There’s nothing else really to do, been doing jobs yeah but the guys haven’t dropped in in awhile, probably just busy or knocked out from their own jobs. They wouldn’t just ditch me right?
After a few hours of that I wind up going out. There’s no reason to, but I just do. And strangely enough, whenever I go out, weather it’s going somewhere to grab something, or just wandering about, I always seem to find myself looking at that nightclub time and again. I don’t know why, maybe something about the atmosphere of the place is nice, maybe something stuck with me. I don’t really know.
I’ve talked to that girl again though, occasionally I cover her drink, don’t know the reason for that either, just felt like it. I’ve got the money for it though so what’s the harm right? Now I’m no stranger to buying a girl a few drinks, usually me and the guys would do it to hit on them but not this time. I occasionally talk to her before she gets back to partying, but- I don’t fuckin know I guess I find it pleasent?
Finding myself in the club again I order a drink and just watch the dance floor again, same as always, she’s there dancing alone, having the time of her life.
I’m jealous I think, I want what she has, without a care in the world. Why don’t I feel happy like that?
She has to take a break again after a few hours and comes up to the bar again and I greet her
“Hello again!” I say raising my can slightly
“Nyhello!” She says doing a wave despite being right next to me
“Out of curiosity, why do you come back here every single night?” I asked
“Well cause why nyaot? It’s fun! Nyeed to unwynd from my job and all that stuffs nyan, but overnyall it’s just funyan! Nyan!” She said with a chipper tone but still panting from exhaustion
She perked up before I could respond and asked “I think it’s about time I ask somethinyang, why do you come here nyan?”
“I-“ I stuttered
“I well- … Ah hell, truthfully I don’t know, over since I wandered in here four months ago I keep finding my way back here, don’t know why though” I stuttered out
She seemed to briefly pause at that and squint at me, how can her gaze be so piercing!? Before resuming her cheery attitude but more muted, taking a seat on the stool next to me.
“Ah dyo we ever knyaow why we do things?” She said, though with a tone of someone speaking to no one in particular
“Yeah I guess” I said hastily looking down at my drink
“You alright nyan?” She asked at that before following up with “nya- ur fur is totes matted nyan” she said grabbing a drink from the bar
“Heh yeah it is, my hair is fucked aswell LOL. Eh Yaknow what fuck it, not my forte, you know any good fur care shit?” I asked chuckling
“Hmmmm- oh! I know!” She said lighting up “there’s this stuff, “Starlight glitter” is it’s nyame, fur has never been softer nyan!” She said with enthusiasm.
“Thanks, I’ll have to check it out” I said
“Nyoh and for hair I use pop-smart with saltwayter! Breaks any knots up easy!” She said giving a grin
“Thanks, Yaknow what? I’ll go do that right now!” I said with a touch of glee in my voice, getting up from my chair
“Have a good night ay?” I said
“You two miss! Nyan!” She said before promptly walking back to the dance floor
“ “miss”?? what do you mea- and she’s back on the dance floor, eh I best get going.” I said to no one in particular after trying to ask her what she was talking about
Leaving the club I pocketed the pass I had bought to get in earlier, and made my way to a local shop that sold hygiene stuff, “Bits and Bytes” and went inside looking for the stuff that the club lady mentioned.
“Goddamn I guess these are obscure bran- 25BUCKS FOR JUST ONE!? God damn dude-“
I still grab the stuff and go to pay, passing by 4 guys watching one of the store’s television sets, it’s the 8 o’clock news broadcast. Two are blue cats dressed differently, one dressed in red and grey, and one dressed in brown and black, another guy a mole was smoking below the very obvious “no smoking” sign above him with his hands in his pockets, and finally a short guy with a spike through his head, guy looks- nope he’s literally just a slab of meat.
a text to speech voice reading out “a local baker from the neighboring town of Pwnyville has gone missing about 4 days ago, family and friends are still looking for them but are asking the public for any information pertaining to the case are asked to contact 420-693-6969 to give any information to authorities. Thank you for your attention, back to your regular local news.
The mole guy seemed to chuckle and turn and say something to the other 3, the cat in brown and black responded by smacking him upside the head and the mole started yelling, and the slab of meat started gesturing with their hands seeming to try and calm the two down. I tuned it out and went to checkout, nothing of note really happening aside from the fabfox unit momentarily rebooting when that mole from earlier took a picture, where the other 3 proceeded to drag him out.
I paid for my stuff and left, getting back to my apartment I toss my stuff and coat down on my bed, and go to my bathroom, strip, avoid the mirror, and stepped into the shower with the two bottles and start the water.
I went to getting out the knots in my hair first, shutting my eyes and putting in the bottle of pop-smart hair wash I just bought and “yup- that club girl was right, this really does clear up knots fast, need that saltwater she mentioned though, I’ll go out for that then come back in at the end” I thought to myself clearing up my hair
Then blindly I reached for the bottle of “starlight glitter” fur cleaner and put it on my paws and started applying it.
All of it was fine, to be perfectly fair the soap actually smelled really good and didn’t irritate my skin that much! Though that fine feeling was shattered when I got to my chest
It felt…wrong, too much flesh, too soft, and the touch just hurt, so I stopped myself, confused as hell saying “the fuck-?” To myself before clearing any water from my eyes and hair before looking down to see what was up an-
“WHY IN THE 3V3R L0V1NG FUCK DO I HAVE TITS!?!??!!!” I said in shock, and in that shock let the shower head fall to the floor of the shower before being caught by its piping.
After which I went a bit weak in the knees looking down at myself. And I fell to the floor aswell
“I- wha- when did this- HOW did this happen!? Whu- ow they are sensitive. How I’m the fuck did I gr-“
And then it hit me like a brick through a car windshield.
“Th0S3 FUCK1NG P1L1S-!”
I immediately stormed out of my shower, going straight to my computer to check any side effects of the drugs I’ve been taking not even bothering to turn my shower off or throw on a towel
Getting on my Pc and not even caring to not drip water onto my keyboard I double checked it finding the original medical forum that I read moths ago, all while going internally to myself “whythefuckdoihavetits whythefuckdoihavetits whythefuckdoihavetits
Whythe- oh hey that musician guy is open for comission again-ok. whythe fuckdoi-“ before reading off the full effects section from a few months ago
“Estrogen causes the development of breast tissue, redistribution of fat primarily, side effects of this may result in shorter height, increased emotional feelings, or sleeping troubles. Please contac…”
I just stood there staring at the screen for a minute before saying “I’m fuckin dumb.”
I go to message the doc to see if there’s a way to undo this before realizing he’s definitely in bed by now. So I was forced to stand there just rereading what what I was talking actually did.
Taking a proper look at myself in the mirror I HLaotve what I now look like, I hate it, I hate it I hate it I hate it. I should hate the fact that I literally have the chest of a chick now. So why in the hell is there this feeling of enjoyment looking at myself- at that fact??
I-I should despise-loath what I look like right now but I feel like I’m fine with it and hate it all at once, why can I bare to look into a mirror now that I look so objectively wrong?! I try to message doc before stopping myself
“D-doc’s not gonna be in till the morning- how do I- deal with this?? How did I not notice the fact I have literal fucking tits on my chest until now??? This is disgusting. I’m disgusting.” I said to myself in the mirror.
My emotions were screaming, like a damn hand grenade that just went off, it was a mess.
“Ok what to do-!? Uhh drinks! A Mountain Dew would be fucking fantastic right now!” I said panicking
But after pounding 3 cans back to back it didn’t do shit
“Fuck it, drink happily! Lots of drinks-! Momisscared-!” I said hastily dressing myself, now very aware of how everything feels and while doing my best to cover my chest by buttoning up my coat and going out the door and back to the nightclub I had just left a few hours prior.
I got back into the place, went straight to the bar, and started with a glass of vodka, straight up. Downed it immediately, ordered another. Ended up switching to scotch and whisky. I was binge drinking there for about 2 minutes straight before I got a tap on my shoulder, downing another glass and turning around I’m met with the all too familiar grey cat.
“Are you okay nyan?” She asked with concern in her face and voice
I look away from her at the 8 or so glasses in front of me my claws gripping the countertop, it would’ve done more damage had I taken care of them but that didn’t matter right now.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I said turning away and flagging down the bartender for another drink
“I’m nyot taking that for an answer your clearly not doing good nyan…” she said with the same somber tone
“At least not till the alcohol kicks in.” I said downing another glass.
I feel a paw on my shoulder and I turn to look at her again
“Your crying nyan.” She said.
I hadn’t even realized that my face was wet, just thought it was the booze.
“Listen, girl, what’s wrong nyan?” She said looking me in the eye with that same sad look.
And that kinda broke me.
“I- I don’t know! I D0N’T KNOW!” I practically screamed
“I- I- just feel so WRONG. For what I’ve done to myself it feels- I don’t damn know how it feels all I know is that I feel filthy for feeling it!” I said running out of breath.
“O-okay wyat did you do nyan?” She asked looking…determined?
“I- I found this drug, called “E-Stro-Geen” or some shit. I didn’t know it would do- fuckin- all this!” I say gesturing to myself.
“…”
“Alright, Yaknow what nyan? Just, walk me through what happened nyan. What happened between when I saw you earlier and now??” She said in a very confused tone
“I-a-alright..” I take another glass of alcohol and go to down it but she puts her paw over the glass and shakes her head and I put it down.
“I grabbed the stuff you suggested cause I’ve been feeling ratty lately, and I went home to use it, I-I got in the shower and…got a shock to say the least… found out the other effects of the shit I’ve been taking and…” I didn’t notice that I was shaking by this point.
“I looked at myself in the mirror, for the first time in awhile. It feels uncharacteristically.. I don’t fuckin know, but I didn’t feel like dodging my reflection like I have for the past few months.”
I’m not sure when but I think I wound up slumping into her shoulder
“I feel disgusting, I hate that I don’t fully hate this. I’m a guy. I’m not meant to be a chick I’m not mean to have fucking tits. It’s wrong.” I said, downing another glass before she could stop me, going to throw the glass away out of habit before setting it down on the counter.
“I-“ I was sobbing by this point “how could I have been so fucking st0p1d!? I just-
…
I’m disgusting.”
After I said that she sat down on the stool next to me, and ordered something from the bartender before saying “yeah…yeah I get thyat feeling. I thought I was the biggest freak this side of Geocities nyan.” She said with a tone of understanding, handing me a cold Mountain Dew
“Wut?” I said taking the can
“I’m trans nyan.” She said
“Wh- …. What’s that?” I asked opening the can and wiping my eyes before taking a sip.
“I- uh-“
She turned to look directly at me with the most “the fuck?” Face ever
"What type of egg are you in that you would still be stuck in it after taking E???”
“What- egg- ?”
“I- okay listen, girl, There’s a thing called tra-“ she couldn’t finish what she was gonna tell me before the bartender tapped the counter besides us
“It’s 1 am, you gals gotta leave” he said flatly but sternly.
“Al- alright” I said getting up
“Nyall right Chris nyan.” She said also standing up turning to me
“We will continue this outsyde nyan.”
“A- alright?” I said my emotions a bit more muted for some reason but still a mess as I stumbled out of the club nearly tripping over my feet.