Chapter Text
Massages were where they really could not defend themselves.
It was just too intimate. Although it didn’t start that way.
It started at the firehouse. Buck and Eddie already understood that physical touch was their communication, their own little language that no one could translate. A way to tell each other things only the two of them could know.
And also a way to be gay asf without admitting it.
Because friends touch each other. In a friendly way.
Buck was sitting on the couch, chatting with Ravi and Harry in between emergencies, something about the latest episode of a show they had been watching together, with weekly episodes, and Eddie knows about it because it airs on weekends, specifically saturdays.
And saturdays are days where Buck and Eddie dedicate themselves to each other, and the kids.
Before, it was just the two of them, Chris having excuses not to go along, friend’s sleepovers, birthday parties, or whatever he could come up with to avoid being in the middle of his dad and his Buck acting like a married couple.
But now, with Theo, Chris feels obliged to keep him company, and he won’t admit it if you ask him, but he enjoys having a little kid around, who basically worships him and never gets tired of his rambling.
So, Eddie comes up behind Buck, not really interested in the conversation, more interested in how his best friend’s shoulders look like in the LAFD shirt, dark blue against his recently exercised muscles.
To avoid going for the biceps, which are literally right the fuck there, he rests both his hands on Buck’s shoulders.
Buck tilts his head back, smiling at Eddie, “Oh hey Eds, wanna join us?”
Ravi and Harry exchange looks as Buck lifts his hand to touch Eddies, gently caressing it with his thumb.
“Not really,” Eddie responds, feeling his face get redder and redder with each stroke of Buck’s finger against his knuckles “I was just kind of hungry,” Eddie said with a shrug. “Thought about making myself an omelet but yours always turn out better.”
“Yeah, no problem man, i got you.” Buck looks back at Ravi, picking up the conversation where they left off. As if being asked to cook Eddie breakfast was the most normal thing in the world.
Just standing there got kind of awkward, Eddie didn’t want to break the contact they had going on, so his hands started finding new ways to prolong it. Thumbs shifted positions. Eddie’s fingers started moving around and feeling the different muscles in the area. Moving to the center, touching Buck’s neck.
And Buck seemed to really enjoy it, losing focus every couple of seconds and trying to find his way back to the original topic, stammering.
Until Eddie started to fully massage him.
His thumb tracing slow circles over the tense muscle, each pass unhurried and deliberate. Eddie’s brown eyes focused on every movement like they were afraid it would be the last, digging gently into the knot beneath Buck’s skin.
His hands would linger on the curve of the man’s shoulders, massaging in slow, steady movements that seemed to melt the tension away.
Until Buck wasn’t just stammering, losing words. Until he was completely dissolved into his best friend’s hands, under his control. And Buck did something he thought he would never do in the firehouse common area, at least not with so many people around.
“Oh fuck Eddie.” Buck moaned.
The words left his mouth before he could even realize it, and he froze.
In an instant, his spine straightened and every trace of relaxation vanished from his body. The spell was broken.
Eddie's hands disappeared just as quickly, retreating to the back of the couch as if they'd never been there in the first place. For ten long, very long, seconds, no one moved.
Then Buck shot to his feet. “Anyway,” he said, with all the confidence of a man who had absolutely not just moaned his best friend’s name in the middle of their place of work, “i’ll get to that omelet now.”
And just like that he was gone. While Ravi and Harry just stared in stunned silence.
Ravi looked about five seconds away from bursting into laughter. A joy so pure you would swear he just won a bet.
Harry looked like he just saw a sibling do something very private in front of him, which is… fair.
Because for the last six minutes, they watched Eddie systematically turn Buck into a puddle using nothing but his hands. Without realizing.
As they usually do after anything that might mean a little too much, Buck and Eddie avoid talking about it.
Not for lack of advice or moral compass, they just avoid it, ignore the taunting of the entire 118, the jokes, the looks, they know that was a line that their coworkers couldn’t just ignore.
They don’t avoid each other.
They just avoid the fact that they aren’t embarrassed about the moan, they are embarrassed of how much they liked it.
And the rest of the week goes by fast, they’re not less touchy, they’re just more aware.
And the first saturday at Buck’s loft since… the incident comes. Buck and Eddie end up doing something boring, not really up for an outing or anything elaborate, they organize a day at home, a film session in the backyard, with Buck’s new projector. The kids are happy, Chris is making Theo watch movies from when he was younger, trying to get him to sit still and enjoy it.
Apparently “Cars” is what does it, the electric child is paying attention to the white sheet hanging from two different trees in their backyard.
Buck and Eddie are inside sorting the groceries, looking at them from the kitchen window.
“Thank you for helping today with the shopping,” Buck says, “I haven’t been able to get anything done this week, sorting the thing with Theo’s school and all.”
“Yeah man don’t mention it.” Eddie responds, with a smile, but breaking eye contact a little earlier than normal. Or at least the normal for them.
Buck finds himself again feeling guilty, wondering if his… expression of pleasure during Eddie’s massage was going to be the reason for them falling apart.
Chris storms into the kitchen “I give up, i thought “Cars” had done it but he’s too much of a gremlin to enjoy absolute cinema.” He rests his body in the bar stool, across from them.
From the window, Eddie can see Theo’s little body running around the playground in Buck’s backyard. “It’s okay mijo, why don’t you relax and i’ll try to get him to calm down, we’re less than a hour from his bedtime anyway.”
“Oh okay, are you guys done organizing the fridge? I wanted to play with my switch anyway.” Chris smiles. “Are we sleeping over today?”
“No, but i’m sure he can finish on his own, and the sleepover,” Eddie looks at Buck, and is met with a half look, and a half smile, so… “Maybe not today.” He leaves the kitchen.
“Why don’t you play your games on the couch and i’ll join you for a round right after i finish this, yeah?” Buck says, never looking away from what he’s doing.
“Can i just sit here while you do it?”
Buck catches the attempt for what it is. He’d made that same one a thousand times with his own parents, hovering nearby, hoping for attention, usually ending up with nothing but a familiar kind of emotional emptiness. “Yeah, buddy, of course you can.” He glances over his shoulder. “Everything okay?”
“Yes.” Chris starts his game, the familiar Tomodachi Life theme drifting from his Nintendo Switch.
“Anything you wanna talk about?” Buck asks, already knowing that getting a teenager to willingly discuss their feelings was basically a legendary-level achievement.
“Why are you and dad still playing in each other's faces?”
Buck freezes.
“You guys are already married on my island.”
Buck fully looks at him now, at a loss for words.
“You guys act more married than most people i know, Theo already thinks we live here, he’s normally in bed when we leave…”
“Chris-”
“I know it’s more complicated than that or whatever grown up excuse you guys make to convince me i don’t know what i’m talking about but, i’m just saying… when you guys finally get together, you’re gonna feel really dumb for ignoring this… whatever it is between you.” Chris gets up, “Just my two cents.”
“Right,” Buck can’t respond before the teen has already left his sight.
After that, the night continues with a very awkward video game session on the couch, while Eddie was in the next room over, just making it very hard for Buck to not think about him being the perfect husband, literally putting ̶t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶, his, toddler to sleep.
This time Buck is definitely ignoring Eddie.
Like fully ignoring him and not just a subject.
And that deeply, and quickly, got under Eddie’s skin.
Evan-raigebaiter-Buckley was playing some idiotic game, making him feel like an asshole, first he denies a sleepover on saturday, a day where they normally have a sleepover, every saturday for almost two years now, and now he thinks it’s acceptable to pretend Eddie isn’t even in the same shift as him. Cool. Eddie can play these games too.
“Hen!!” he shouts, from across the firehouse, “have you done any cleaning assignments today?”
“No… why?”
Buck wasn’t ignoring Eddie, not on purpose at least, he had been spiraling for two days now, ever since what Chris said, it’s not like he was completely oblivious to the way Eddie makes him feel, it’s more like it was easier to ignore them, when he thought no one else knew about it.
Sure, everyone jokes about it sometimes, and they have been mistaken for a couple one too many times by strangers in public, but that’s all theoretical. What Chris said was real, and it stung a little harder coming from him.
“So hypothetically,” Buck starts, with that crazy look on his face.
“Huh.” Chimney responds, from the other side of the table, holding a “world’s best father” mug, with a photo of Jee and Nash, in his hands.
“If you had a friendship that you really really like and didn’t want to mess things up, but you had something to tell them that could potentially push them away… would you tell them?”
Chimney looks up for a second, studying Buck’s face as he says the words out loud, “You’re sure you want to talk about this with the biggest gossip you know?”
“You’re not the biggest gossip i know.”
“No but i’m married to her, and i’m probably close second.”
“No chim, seriously.” Buck fixes him with a look.
Chimney realizes this is supposed to be a serious conversation. “Okay, what’s this big secret that could jeopardise an entire friendship even about?”
“Ehhh”
“If it’s romantic, are they in a relationship?”
“No.”
“Then i don’t see the problem, telling them could open a lot of doors”
Buck pauses, “I’m more afraid of the ones it could close.”
“I get that, me and Maddie were very scared of the doors closing on us too, especially after everything we went through. But i wouldn’t change a thing about how our lives turned out”
“You’re right”
Buck gets to his feet and walks to the edge of the loft, resting his weight against the railing. He glances down and finds Eddie and Hen cleaning the locker room glass.
Hen is spraying the product while Eddie wipes it. It is definitely not a two person job. It’s only a two person job when it’s Buck and Eddie.
As if sensing his gaze, Eddie looks up. Brown eyes making a hole in Buck’s heart.
Their eyes meet.
The look seems to pin Buck in place, only breaking away a second later when he laughs at something Hen says.
Decision made, Buck turned on his heels and took the stairs two at a time, something in his chest snapping, he charged into the locker room and paused at the door.
His eyes were met with Eddie’s, hopeful.
And with Hen’s, confused. Very confused as to why in hell Eddie would drag her into their drama.
Buck didn’t say anything, he didn’t even know why it made him feel like that, it’s not like Hen is going to steal Eddie away from him, it’s just the fucking jealousy, the fear of being replaced.
Hen took a few steps back, setting aside the cleaning products, just in time for Chimney to join her, them both standing a few meters away from the glass wall surrounding the locker room.
Buck didn’t say anything, he just walked towards his own locker, pretending that’s what he was going to do from the start.
“Okay man, what’s going on?” Eddie asked through gritted teeth, his patience finally wearing off.
Buck glanced over his shoulder, already regretting being there. “Nothing.”
Eddie let out a short laugh, “Right.”
“I’m serious.”
“Buck, you have been avoiding me all day.”
“I haven’t”
“You just disappeared when i walked through the station’s door.”
“I had stuff to do.”
“And every time i walked into a room, you somehow had somewhere else to be”
Buck looked away, Eddie waited for a response, for anything.
“I’m not trying to avoid you,” Buck said eventually.
“Then what is it?” The question hung between them, Buck opened and closed his mouth many times before responding.
“It’s just-”
“Just what?”
“Nothing.”
Eddie rubbed a hand over his face, “You know, for someone who insists everything’s fine, you’re doing a terrible job of convincing me.”
Buck’s jaw tightened, like he wanted to say something.
Outside, Hen and Chim were mesmerized by their performance.
“It’s like our favorite show is on.”
“This feels like a romcom type of situation, like we just reached that part of the movie when it seems like all hope is lost but then they throw each other into a wall and kiss” Hen stops, “like a telenovela.”
“I hope they don’t do that here,” Chim sipped his mug, “hell of a HR violation.”
Ravi joins them, clipboard in hand, checking all the tasks they have that day, “Hey guys…” He looks over at Buck and Eddie in the locker room, “what are you watching?”
“Brokeback Mountain.” they respond in sync.
And the alarm goes off.
You can hear Eddie’s muffled voice shout under the siren as he exits the locker room to put on his gear.
“We’re not done talking about this Buck. You’re one of the most important people in my life and i’m not letting you self sabotage your way out of us.”
And he doesn’t say anything, for the first time since Eddie replaced Chim in the ambulance, he thanks god that they don’t have to sit across each other right now.
Both of them heard what wasn’t said, and both of them had those words bashing around in their heads during the entire emergency.
Eddie was busy with the victims, the families dying with worry as they berated the med units with questions about their loved ones, some still inside the burning building. He worked well under pressure, reassuring his patients that they were doing everything in their power to take their pain away, and that they would be in the hospital in a few minutes. Help was on the way.
His mind couldn’t help but wonder if what he said to Buck a few hours ago would impact in any way his performance inside the burning building
And Buck, on the third floor, searching for two children who’d been left home alone. Their mother had only run to the bank for a few minutes, returning to find the building engulfed in smoke and flames. Barely able to get the words out through her panic, she'd told the firefighters exactly where her kids should be.
He found them huddled together in a bathroom, the older sister trying to be brave for the younger one, but failing to hold back her tears.
“It’s okay,” Buck said as he got down to their level, “I’m gonna get you both out.”
It took a bit of convincing for the younger sibling but eventually she threw her arms around his neck. He secured her onto one shoulder and guided the older child onto the other, and rose from the ground with a strained grunt.
Keeping his arms around them he made his way back into the smoke filled hallway, by the time they made it into the front entrance, cheers and relieved cries erupted from the crowd, their mother rushed to comfort them into a crushing embrace.
A paramedic guided them into the low risk area to get checked for possible smoke inhalation, and Buck’s eyes met Eddie’s.
Eddie’s very busy eyes, that broke the contact within less than a second. But Buck understood that it wasn’t about them, they could talk later.
Only then did he notice it, a tight, unwelcome pull spread across the muscles in his shoulders, and down his upper back. Maybe the adrenaline was wearing off or maybe all the awkward lifting with no stretching isn’t something he can just bounce back from anymore.
He rolled his shoulder experimentally, trying to ignore the pain.
Guess thirty-five isn’t the new twenty.
Back at the station dorms, Eddie approaches Buck with an ice pack. He doesn’t say anything as he presses it carefully against the bruise forming on Buck’s shoulder, his expression still carrying traces of their argument despite how gentle his hands are.
Buck watches him for a moment before resting his hand over Eddie’s wrist, finally coaxing his eyes up to meet his.
“Can we talk?”
Eddie let out a heavy sigh.
“Are we actually gonna talk this time, or are you gonna make me guess what the hell is going on again?”
“I promise.” Buck gives him a tired smile. “I mean it.”
After a beat, Eddie nods and sits beside him on the bunk.
“Okay.”
Buck stares at the floor for a second before deciding to talk, “I know I've been acting weird. I just... couldn't tell you why because then I'd have to admit how ridiculous it sounded.”
“But you’re admitting it now…”
“I have to.”
Eddie’s heart freezes as Buck takes a breath.
“I started to think maybe i was trapping you into…” He gestures between them vaguely, “Whatever this looks like.”
Eddie frowns. “What?”
“You know. Me, Theo... you and Chris." Buck shrugs awkwardly. "People already look at us like we're some little family, and after I came out..." He laughs once, embarrassed. "I kept thinking maybe I was making you play a part you never signed up for.”
“Because you’re bi and i’m-”
“Straight, yeah.” Buck finishes his sentence before Eddie has the chance to have his own realization moment. “I know you told me nothing changed, and have been nothing but supportive since i told you. But you’re… you. And i didn’t want you to feel like you had to keep showing up because you’re worried about hurting me.”
Eddie opens his mouth. He thinks to himself people have been confusing us for a family since way before he came out.
But Buck keeps going.
“And I didn't want you feeling obligated to come over, or spend time with Theo, or let people assume things just because they're easier than correcting them-”
“Buck.”
He doesn’t stop “-or pretend you’re okay with everyone acting like we’re-”
“Buck.”
“What?”
“Are you going to let me talk?”
Buck blinks, sitting sideways to face Eddie now. “...Yeah.”
Eddie shakes his head, a faint smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “First of all, nobody has ever forced me to spend time with you. If i remember correctly, at the start i was the one having to break down doors, getting you to open up and talk to me.”
“I know but-”
“No,” Eddie cuts him off gently. “Listen.”
Buck falls quiet.
“I came over because i wanted to.” Silence settles between them, “I like hanging out with you." Eddie shrugs like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I like hanging out with Theo. I like movie nights and takeout and seeing how good Chris is with him, and all the other boring stuff we end up doing.”
Buck searches his face, looking for any sign that he's only saying it to make him feel better.
He doesn’t find anything other than pure honesty.
“And if people think we look like a family…” Eddie huffs a quiet laugh. “Honestly? I stopped caring a long time ago.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“Why would it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly, it has no reason to. I know us, i know our relationship and what we mean to each other." Eddie looks at the ice pack resting on Buck's shoulder, “I know exactly what we are.”
The words land heavier than either of them expected to.
“We’re partners.” Eddie says simply. "You're my best friend. We have raised great kids. If people want to fill in the blanks because they see the three of us together, that's on them.
Buck nods slowly.
“In fact, i’m pretty sure Ravi thought we were married for a whole month when he joined the 118”
They laugh, then Buck looks at him, “So you don’t feel stuck? Trapped?”
Eddie almost laughs. “Buck, you’ve spent years choosing me, and i’ve spent years choosing this.” Buck’s chest tightens. “I’ve never been doing you a favour.”
“You sure?”
Yes.
The answer comes without hesitation.
“If anything i baby-trapped you first,” He laughs to himself, “I spend time with you because i enjoy it, because i want to. And if the rest of the world wants to call us something we’re not…” He shrugs again. “Doesn’t really change anything.”
“So you don't think I was trying to... make it into something else?”
“I think you got into your own head a bit.”
“Yeah…”
“You do that.”
Buck nods, the knot in his stomach finally beginning to loosen. “Okay.”
Eddie gives his shoulder an absent minded nudge.
“Ow.”
Eddie freezes, “Seriously?”
“You hit the bad one.”
“I barely touched you.”
“You still hit it.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, though there’s no bite behind the bark, “You’re getting old”
Buck scoffs “I’m younger than you”
“You’re actually a year older, grandpa.” Eddie stands, grabbing the ice pack from Buck’s bad shoulder. “You’re not fooling anyone”
Buck rubs his shoulder dramatically. “I think you permanently injured me.”
“Oh please.” Eddie laughs, “You’re so dramatic.”
“I might never recover”
“Hm.” Eddie pretends to consider it. “Guess i’ll have to give you another massage.”
Buck raises an eyebrow. Cheeks quickly turning red. “Careful.”
“What?” Eddie indulges with a half smile.
“You keep offering those and people are really gonna think you're my husband.”
And the answer to that leaves Eddie’s mouth a little quicker than his brain can register, “Hubby.” He mutters automatically.
Silence.
Buck blinks.
Eddie’s eyes go wide. A rush of heat climbs Eddie’s neck.
And Buck’s favorite game begins, Flirting with Eddie until he folds completely, now that he knows Eddie really doesn’t mind the game is much more fun.
“You calling me pet names now Eds?” Buck can’t help the grin tugging at his lips.
“No.”
“I just heard you, you called me hubby”
“I was joking, cause you know- the massage thing, i just misspoke.”
“Sure”
Eddie groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “Fine, forget i said anything.”
Buck chuckles as Eddie turns toward the door, ears still noticeably red.
“For the record,” Buck calls after him, “I’d still take the massage.”
Without turning around, Eddie gives him the finger in dismissal.
“You’re an asshole.”
“And dramatic?”
“The most dramatic person i’ve ever met.”
Buck smiles to himself as Eddie disappears down the hallway, still looking thoroughly embarrassed.
Partners.
Best friends.
A family, in every way that was safe to admit.
For now, that was enough.