Chapter Text
Josh wasn’t sure what had woken him. Something had startled him awake, but now it was quiet, and his eyes were blurry.
“Ty?” He murmured, voice rough with sleep.
His eyes darted the room, looking around the dark corners. Soft sniffling caught his attention.
“Tyler?” He tried again, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. “You there?”
Josh climbed out of bed and flicked on the light, revealing Tyler’s curled-up form slumped in the corner of the room. It was like that very first night, except now the man was in his room, instead of their kitchen. His heart jumped as he rushed over.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Josh crouched beside the man. He didn’t move, only sniffling quietly. “Tyler?”
“Hi Josh,” he managed shakily. “Sorry to wake you.”
“It’s okay, man. What’s happening?” Tyler didn’t appear to be moving, so Josh sat down properly beside him. “Talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, Josh. I know I was supposed to come get you sooner, I just, I just-“ Tyler cowered behind his hands, shaking.
Josh noticed a bandage around one arm. His heart raced as he started to put together pieces.
“And I’m proud of you for coming to get me. What happened to your arm?” The man whimpered, pulling back. “No, no, come on, bud. Let’s just talk.”
“I’m sorry,” was all he seemed able to say. “Got bad. Couldn’t stop it.”
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here now, and I’m going to help. Can you show me what happened?”
Tyler shook his head desperately. He grabbed at Josh’s hands, pushing them away from his body. He whined like a kicked puppy, curling into himself. It made Josh feel sick inside.
“Tyler, breathe slowly, alright? Let’s stay calm about this. I only need to check to make sure you’re safe.” He took Tyler’s hands gently, guiding them down to his lap. “You know that I’m not gonna hurt you, yeah?”
“I know!” he almost yelled.
“And you know I’m not gonna judge you?” The man’s gaze dropped to the floor. “So that’s what you’re thinkin’ about? I promise you, I promise. I’m not going to judge you for this. I know it happens.”
Tyler nodded slowly, then held out his arm to Josh. He stayed quiet as Josh rolled up his sleeve and peeled back the bandage. His stomach dropped when he revealed the thin lines crisscrossing over each other on the man’s wrist.
He shut his eyes tightly for a moment, inhaling deeply.
“You did a good job wrapping them up,” was all Josh could manage. He knew his hands were shaking as he delicately pulled the bandage back into place. “How are you feeling now?”
Josh knew in his heart that this was not the first time he’d done this, not with that practised ease and neat bandaging. He supposed he should have guessed it already. If the pain from the rubber band was the coping mechanism, what would have been the next step? Josh swallowed anxiously.
“Fine. Sorry to wake you,” Tyler murmured weakly.
“It’s okay. Let’s get you to bed.” He reached out to Tyler, trying to take his hands as he curled away. “Come on, please let me help.”
“Don’t…please no. I’m sorry for waking you. I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry,” the man choked back tears. “I’m tired.”
“Hey, I know. But I’m proud of you for coming to get me, you hear me?” Josh wrapped his arms around his best friend, tenderly pulling him into his lap. “I’ve got you, just let me help.”
Josh held Tyler as he sniffled, resting heavily into his chest. Eventually, Josh shifted, holding Tyler to his chest as he stood. The man was horribly light and easy to pick up. Josh carried him over to his own bed, deciding it would be better to keep him close tonight. Plus, it would be foolish to try moving him all the way back to his own room when he’d clearly fought hard against himself to get here.
“Ty, love? Can you talk to me, please?” He placed the man delicately on the bed. Josh fussed over him, moving the pillows and blankets around until they were just right.
“Don’t call me that. You don’t mean that.” His voice was bitter, a stark contrast to his weak cries from earlier.
The words rocked Josh to his core. He’d hardly realised them as they slipped past his tongue, but all of a sudden, he was desperate to defend them. He didn’t think too hard about it.
“I do mean it,” Josh insisted. “You can’t tell me I don’t.”
“Shut up,” he snapped, curling up in Josh’s blankets.
“No. I’m not going to.” He perched on the edge of the bed. “I love you, Tyler. You’re my best friend in the world but it’s more than that.”
“Please stop,” he mumbled wearily.
“I love you, Tyler.”
“No, you don’t!” The man sobbed, arms pulled tight around his body. “No you don’t, no you don’t, no, stop it…”
Tyler was crying harshly into the pillow now, refusing to look at Josh. It was sickening to see. Josh’s heart ached, certain he’d ruined everything. Slowly, surely, he shuffled closer to Tyler.
“Can I hug you, Ty?” He tapped the man’s shaking shoulder. He nodded into the pillow.
“Y-yes,” he cried, voice wavering. “Sorry.”
Josh leaned down, wrapping his arms around Tyler again and holding him close. He sat up slowly, keeping Tyler close to his chest.
“Shh, Ty, baby. You’re okay.” His heart dropped as the man sobbed harder, terrified he’d crossed a line.
“Do you-you really mean it?” Tyler’s voice broke, muffled into Josh’s chest.
“Yeah. I mean it, love.” He stroked up and down Tyler’s spine, prominent under his thin shirt. “I mean it.”
“I love you, Josh,” Tyler mumbled out. “Love you and I’m sorry I messed up and thanks for not hating me-“
“Shhh. You’re okay, bud. Try to relax. Get some sleep, we can talk more in the morning.”
“I can’t just go to sleep now,” he whispered hoarsely, voice broken from sobbing.
Josh nodded calmly, an idea striking him.
“I’m gonna make you some tea, then. Do you wanna wait here, or come with me?”
Tyler looked around wildly, sniffling.
“I…uh…I don’t know,” he whimpered. “I don’t wanna be alone.”
He was glad that Tyler had responded that way. Josh hadn’t wanted to leave the man alone, even for a few minutes.
“Let’s get you a blanket, then, and you can come to the kitchen with me.”
He helped Tyler to his feet and draped the blanket around his shaking shoulders. It reminded Josh of a little kid, sleepily wandering the halls all wrapped up in a blanket on a cold morning. Josh couldn’t resist ruffling his hair, cracking a smile.
“You’re so cute,” he whispered. “Come on.”
Tyler wandered into the hall with a weak smile, stumbling a little over the rug. Josh chuckled to himself, despite everything.
“Hey, Ty? Can I ask you something?”
The man stopped abruptly, and Josh almost walked into him by accident.
“What?” Tyler snapped, voice trembling.
“Relax, man. I just wanted to ask if I’d ever told you this story, from when I was younger.” He placed a firm hand on Tyler’s back, helping him move forward again. “Anyway, I don’t think I have.”
“Can I…can you tell me?” Tyler mumbled, walking side by side with Josh now.
“‘Course I will. Once, I had this really bad fall off my skateboard, ‘cause I knew this guy who liked skating, and I really wanted to impress him with a cool trick or something.” Josh chuckled at the memory. “And it hurt so bad, too, I think I broke my wrist. I never managed to get the trick either. Anyway, he and I ended up being friends for a year in high school anyway, and it never turned into anything more.”
Josh flicked the kettle on and prepared the mugs. He made sure to add extra honey to Tyler’s.
“What’s the point of this story?” The man muttered.
“Oh, uh, I don’t know. It just came to mind. Something about your bandage, I think. Made me think of my last wrist-related injury.”
He filled the mugs casually, hoping that Tyler wouldn’t get upset again. If he were honest, hugs and warm drinks were the extent of the ideas he had so far.
“Oh.”
Josh suddenly felt terrible for bringing it up, and he was certain he’d made it weird. Shoot.
“I don’t know, just thought you might want something else to think about.” He patted Tyler’s arm awkwardly. “Just like. Picture me completely sending it ‘cause I was way too confident.”
“Can’t imagine you ever being confident. Sorry.”
“No need for apologies, bud.” He handed Tyler the mug and placed a firm hand on his back. “Time to relax.”
To his great surprise, Tyler folded forward, dropping his head to Josh’s shoulder and pressing their bodies together. Josh brought one hand up to steady him, the other holding his own cup of tea.
“You seriously don’t hate me?” Tyler whispered nervously.
“Yep, I seriously don’t hate you,” Josh assured him. “You don’t ever have to worry about that, Ty-guy. You’re my best friend.”
“Okay.” The words were muffled against Josh’s hoodie. “I’m cold.”
“Yeah, me too. Back to bed.”
“I can sleep in my own room,” Tyler protested weakly.
“I know you can. I just wanna have you close by, tonight. If that’s okay with you.” Josh blushed a little just saying it.
“It…it is.”
“Awesome.” He cringed at himself. Who responds like that?
Josh coaxed Tyler back down the hallway, into his room. He helped the man into bed and sat beside him, both leaning against the headboard with their cups of tea. Tyler drank quietly, sitting in silence the entire time. Only once he’d finished the tea and set his empty mug on the side table did he speak again.
“You’re too good for me, Josh. Only known me a year and you’re takin’ care of me.”
“Well, yeah, ‘course I’m taking care of you. That’s what friends do. And man, I think a year is pretty late for me to notice.” He nudged Tyler. “I’d like to have helped earlier.”
“No. That version of me…was worse. Wouldn’t want you to see that. See him.”
Josh’s heart sank.
“Even so. I wanna be here for you. And I’m not just saying that.” He moved cautiously, petting Tyler’s hair. “Anyway. Get some rest, yeah?”
Tyler hummed softly and shuffled down into bed. Josh snuggled in beside him, keeping a reasonable distance.
“I don’t deserve you,” Tyler mumbled sadly, eyes drifting shut. “I should be dead by now, and here you are taking care of me.”
Josh was too stunned to speak.
“That…isn’t true, Tyler,” he whispered, but the man seemed to have already drifted to sleep.
“That isn’t true.”