Chapter Text
Andy's hands are shaking as she steps up to ring the doorbell. There's a voice in her head, screaming over and over again to tell her not to do this, to go back to Nigel, but there's another voice that screams over it, telling her it's time she fixes this once and for all.
That's the one she listens to, and quickly, before she can talk herself out of it, she rings the doorbell.
On the other side of the door, she hears a small shuffling sound. So Emily is definitely home. It sounds as though she's lifting the cover of the peephole, and then— then there's a gasp.
"Emily?" Andy chokes out. "I know you're there."
There's no reply. None at all.
Andy had a feeling that this would happen. That Emily would stay behind the door and not open up.
But, Andy notices, she hasn't heard the sound of footsteps retreating just yet.
With a heavy sigh, she sinks down against the door, resting her head against her knees. "I'm sorry, Em." She starts. "Look, I know I shouldn't have done that. Kissing you like that— it was wrong and I'm sorry. But I meant every word of what I said that night."
She puffs out a shaky breath. "Em, I...you mean the world to me, you really do. You're the best person in my life, and I mean that, from the bottom of my heart. I know you struggle with seeing the good in yourself. I know it's easier for you to see your flaws. I think it's like that for everyone. That it's...hard...for someone to see any good points about themself, because pointing anything good out just seems shallow, so it's easier to focus on the flaws. And that it's impossible for someone to love themself if they don't feel loved by anyone else. So let me tell you this, Em: I love you. I really do love you."
The words out of her mouth again, in that context, for the first time since that night...it makes her feel so vulnerable and small, but she finds the courage to keep going. "I know you might not believe it. I know you think it isn't true. But it is, Em, I promise it is. I..."
She feels tears welling up, and desperately fights them back. "I know you might not feel the same way. But what I do know is that—" Her voice rises slightly, in desperation, and she gives up on trying to hold back her tears. "I can't lose you, Emily, I just can't. If we talk this out and go back to being friends, I can manage these feelings I have, work around them, but I just can't lose you. So all I'm asking for is a chance to talk. That's all I want to do. I'm sorry for all of this."
There's still no answer, and Andy feels her heart sink. Slowly, weakly, she prepares to get to her feet. She should have known that coming here was foolish, she should have accepted that Emily didn't want this, she should have—
And then, a small noise. A tiny clatter to her left. Looking down, she sees a cat flap at the bottom of the door, and a hand poking out of it. Emily's cuticles are raw and picked at, and her hand is shaking, and slowly, oh so slowly, Andy reaches out and takes it.
Her fingers brush softly over the back of Emily's hand, gently grazing her knuckles. At first, Emily's grasp on Andy's hand was so light, but now, she starts to grip tightly, squeezing it as though she never wants to let go ever again. And neither does Andy. That's why she locks her fingers with Emily's and laughs through her tears, a flicker of hope lighting in her chest.
Maybe we'll be okay, She thinks to herself, Maybe there's a chance we can fix this.
She doesn't know how long they stay like that for before Emily finally lets go. Only a few seconds later, there's a soft click, and the door opens.
Emily is standing there, eyes swolen from crying.
Andy opens her mouth to ask if she's alright, but Emily cuts her off.
"Don't," She says, "I don't want a word about this. It's allergies."
But then they both burst out laughing at her blatant lie, and Emily shakes her head, turning around and gesturing for Andy to follow her.
Wordlessly, she does, taking a tiny step into the house that she had been living in for so long. The house that...before she even realised it...had become home.
Emily sits down on the couch, and Andy takes the spot next to her. Usually, they'd sit closer, but now, Andy makes sure to keep some distance between them, even if she wants to be close to Emily, she needs to be careful here.
A silence hangs between them, heavy and awkward until Emily finally breaks it. "I'm sorry," She says quickly, "I shouldn't have reacted like that."
Andy waves a hand around, shaking her head, "No, I—"
"No," Emily cuts her off, "Please just let me say this before I lose my mind."
Andy chokes out a laugh and nods wordlessly.
Emily breathes out, fidgeting with her hands. "I...the problem wasn't that I didn't want it. The problem was...how much I did."
Andy's breath hitches. Emily did feel the same way. Emily wants this too, just as much as Andy does. All the looks and laughs and gentle touches— they had meant something, of course they had. Emily loves her too. After everything, all the second guessing, Emily wants this too.
Emily continues. "I...you kissed me and it was...I wanted it. I wanted it so badly and that scared me more than anything, so I panicked and I pushed you away."
"Why?" Andy whispers hoarsely. "Why did you panic?" She can feel more tears building up in her eyes as she speaks.
Emily exhales shakily. "Because you're important to me, Andy. Because I love you."
And then those tears come free and run down Andy's cheeks, and she makes a tiny noise between a laugh and a sob, and Emily echoes it, head in her hands, and this moment is everything.
"I just...Andy, I've spent my whole life telling myself not to love anyone. That it's not worth it, that eventually they leave when they realise I'm too much to put up with and...I figured that as long as I didn't let myself have this, if I didn't let myself love you...then I couldn't lose you. Little did I know that I already had so much to lose..." She trails off, and Andy's heart aches.
"Em...you're not too much to put up with at all, I..." She doesn't know what to say. There's so much she wants to tell the woman in front of her, and all words evade her.
Emily sighs. "I just have trouble believing that. I've just had so much pain in my life and...I just really struggle to believe that there's any part of me that isn't worthless." But before Andy can interupt her and assure her how beautiful she is inside and out, Emily continues. "But I know now that you're here, and that you're staying, and...maybe I'll be able to try."
Andy gives her a tearful smile. "I'm proud of you." She whispers so softly that her voice is barely audible.
Something flickers in Emily's eyes, and that's when she moves in closer. Slowly, tentatively, she leans in, bringing a hand up to cup Andy's cheek. Andy melts into the touch, and Emily wipes a stray tear from Andy's face. The moment starts off as that, slow, timid and unsure, and then Emily leans in and brings them together.
The kiss is different than it was that night. It's far less rushed and desperate, because now, they have all the time in the world— they have their whole future together ahead of them, looking brighter than ever. It's slow and deliberate, because now that this moment—one that both of them have waited for for so long—has begun, neither of them want it to end.
Andy lets her eyes flutter shut, her forehead lightly resting against Emily's, and she notes to herself that this might just be the happiest moment of her entire life. Her heart is threatening to burst out of her ribcage, but she's barely aware of it, because Emily's soft lips are against her own and that's all that matters.
Emily's touch is so soft, so gentle, and Andy knows she's been consumed by the dizzying desire to give in to all of her longing for the gorgeous woman in front of her.
One of Emily's hands continues to cradle her face with uncharacteristic gentleness. Opening her eyes, Andy drinks in the sight in front of her. She never thought it would be possible to see this—Emily Charlton with all her defenses down, finally letting herself be vulnerable and open up—but Andy's seeing it now, she's seeing the gentle, tender side to Emily that she does so well to hide.
And how can she not love it? How can she not love Emily? This woman is everything and more, even though she never sees it herself. She's only aware of her flaws, but to Andy, she's perfect, every single part of her.
Emily's other hand grips the front to Andy's shirt, pulling her impossibly closer, almost like she fears the thought of letting go. Well, it's a good thing letting go or ending the moment isn't something Andy is considering any time soon.
Her fingers run through Emily's fiery hair, and her other free hand rests on Emily's waist.
Finally, breathless, Emily pulls back, their foreheads still leaning together. She lets out a small laugh, and then starts to silently cry.
Instantly, Andy pulls her in, holding her tight. "Hey," She whispers gently, "Hey, it's okay. Why are you crying?" She softly brushes a strand of Emily's hair out of her face.
Emily swallows, wiping her eyes. "I'm— I'm sorry, I just...this is all so new. I just never thought that you'd..."
She doesn't finish her sentence. Andy finishes it for her. "Well whatever you thought, I'm here now, and there's no changing that, okay? I'm here, Em. And I'm not going anywhere."
Emily shuts her eyes tightly, nestling into Andy and relaxing into her arms. "I love you." She breathes, voice barely more than a whisper.
"I know," Andy responds, "I love you too."
Andy doesn't know how long they stay like that for: Just her holding Emily, with the redhead melting into her arms.
"I'm still sorry," Emily speaks up after a while, "That I pushed you away. I still don't know if I deserve this."
Andy's heart aches. "Hey," She says firmly, "I'm not having any of that. You don't need to be sorry, alright? The past is in the past, and we're here now, and...Em, you deserve the world, alright?"
Emily sighs. "I'm sorry you have to keep reassuring me. It's just that..." She stops, looking down at her hands. "There's something I've never told you. Something I want you to know. So I..."
Andy has a suspicion that she knows what's coming, but all she does is nod in understanding and let Emily continue.
"There was a time...a few years after you quit. And things were just awful for me. I don't know, I just felt so...alone, I suppose. Which is very hypocritical of me—it was my own fault I had nobody in my life, I pushed everyone away, and yet then I'd complain about being lonely. Pathetic, really."
"Em—" Andy starts gently.
"No, let me finish." Emily cuts her off, but her voice isn't sharp at all, just hesitant and afraid. "Because if I don't tell you this now I'll never find the courage to, so...look, anyway, I was just in a very bad place. Had really bad depression, and, well...I just got to a point where I genuinely started believing that things would be better for everyone in my life if I wasn't around."
Instinctively, Andy's grip on Emily tightens. She can hear Emily's shaky breathing and knows that she's going to cry again, and she softly rubs Emily's back, whispering into her ear. "You're doing great, take your time." She murmurs encouragingly.
Emily nods, letting out a weak breath. "Runway had already consumed most of who I was. I had no friends, nobody in my life— unless Serena or Nigel counted, so in my mind, my sole purpose was my job at Runway. I was Miranda Priestly's assistant, and there was nothing else to me, and if I couldn't do that, then..." She trailed off, taking a deep breath.
Andy just kept holding her, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head.
"My depression was awful, and it made it so hard to concentrate and focus and do...anything at all. So I kept fucking up at work, kept disappointing Miranda, and my eating disorder got terrible, and I was just so tired, and I really started believing I was completely and utterly worthless, and I tried to..."
She trails off and doesn't finish her sentence. Andy doesn't want her to. She doesn't want to hear those words out loud. The thought that if things had been different, if whatever method Emily used had been more effective...then this moment wouldn't have existed right now.
Emily wouldn't be here beside her now, sitting on her lap. They never would have reconnected or become friends, or more than that. Emily would have been gone, and Andy's world would have kept on turning without the knowledge of what could have been.
The thought brings tears to her eyes, and now she's crying, too. "I'm so sorry, Em." She whispers. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Emily nods. "I'm much better now, of course. But there's still that small, lingering part of me that believes I don't deserve love, or..."
Andy shakes her head. "That's not true. And it's not annoying at all if I have to reassure you of how amazing you are and how much I love you, alright? I'll say it all a million times to see you smile."
Emily looks up at her tearfully. "Oh God, Andy..." She sniffles, laughing. "I think I've cried more in the past week than I think I have in my entire life. Congratulations."
Andy chuckles, pressing a gentle kiss to Emily's forehead. "You're welcome," She answers with a grin.
"Although," Andy continues, "We're not in some fairytale where love just magically fixes problems. Em, I think you should get therapy," She starts softly, reaching out to squeeze Emily's hand, "I just think it would really help you and benefit you. I know it might sound hard at first, but I think that in the long run, it would be good for you and the future of our relationship."
Emily nods slowly, taking in Andy's words. "You're right. I'll admit that it does sound a bit overwhelming, but I know it would help, and of course I'm willing to try it."
Andy smiles, leaning into Emily further. "You're doing great."
They fall into a comfortable silence again, and Emily is the one who finally breaks it. "So...what now?"
Andy blinks in confusion. "Hm?"
"I...about us, I mean. Do you want to...oh bloody hell, why am I acting like a lovestruck teenager? Do you want to be my girlfriend?" She blurts out quickly.
Andy leans in again, pressing a quick kiss to Emily's lips. "Of course I do..." She murmurs lovingly and affectionately.
Emily lets out a small, breathless laugh, sounding so carefree that it makes Andy's heart flutter.
After all of the pain, the longing, the self-loathing, the second-guessing, they had gotten here now. They were together, and nothing could break that again.
"The kids are going to be very happy you're back." Emily muses, leaning into Andy.
Andy nods, a smile spreading on her face. "Should we go and get them?" She asks, gesturing to their room.
Emily pauses for a second. "I...God, I can't believe how soft and gooey you've made me. But...can we just stay like this? Just for a bit?"
Andy feels a blush spread on her cheeks, and her heart swells with emotion. "Of course," She says with a huge smile, "I'm not going anywhere."
Emily looks up at her, tears pricking at her eyes. "Andy?" She whispers.
"Hm?" Andy prompts, nestling into Emily.
"Welcome home."
The two words are enough to make Andy cry too, and she really thinks her heart is about to burst. Sure, it was just two smiple words, but they were said by Emily Charlton, who had never let anyone in before, but she was learning to do it now.
Home. Home.
Andy is home.
She's so overcome with emotion that she doesn't even know what to say, or if words would even be enough. She decides that no, they wouldn't, and so she just leans in to capture Emily's lips with her own again, as though that's the only answer they need.
And Emily? Well, she seems to agree.