Chapter Text
“H-Hugo! Please, you have to help me! I might get ganged up on by Yuki’s rag-tag bunch!”
This was the first full line “Rin Itoshi” had said to Hugo. He had forcibly joined in as their 4th roommate in the French transfer student dedicated dorm. Hugo assumes from the gossip Charles had told him that “Rin” had bribed the school just so he could peek into their privacy. It was a well known fact that “Rin” loved chasing after good looking athletic men.
At first Hugo wasn't really bothered, contrary to Charles fears, “Rin” never did anything. In fact he seemed timid, too cowardly to even try or even defy them. “Rin” would always wait for Charles outside the bathroom door even when Charles was purposefully wasting time inside just to play him. “Rin” could never look Loki in the eye even with the height difference, he would stare at his feet like it was the most interesting thing in the world whenever Loki addressed him.
Hugo noticed it first, it was his natural sensitivity, maybe he didn’t want to make “Rin’s” potential go to waste. He didn't particularly care why “Rin” ended up here and what his objective was. He really couldn't care less about anyone who wasn't world-class. But he'd take full advantage of it, he would approach him and ask him to run meager errands.
“Rin” never refused, just meekly nodding his head like it was the only thing he knew what to do. This later escalated into him becoming the French trio’s very own personal errand runner. “Rin” never fought back, never refused, it worked in their favor so they never addressed the elephant in the room.
Although a single part of his brain nagged at him, as if trying to yell that they’re missing something. That Hugo hasn’t brought out the full potential of Rin’s talent mechanism, that he hasn’t truly dissected it. Then, as if correcting an error, the thoughts seemed to be erased from his head.
Hugo had never heard “Rin” ever talk much, much less full sentences begging for a favor. He stared intently at “Rin's” face, cataloguing each sweat and twist of pure distress on his face with clinical detachment. Hugo could already predict what had happened to him, something to do with provoking the genius footballer Yuki's personal hornet nest.
“Just how did this happen to you, “Rin”?”
But he asked anyway, partially out of obligation and curiosity. How would “Rin” sound when he's speaking clearly with full sentences? Maybe he'd even finally hold Hugo's stare and Hugo could finally properly analyze“Rin's” eyes for the first time.
Hugo was left disappointed, staring at genius striker Sae Itoshi’s supposed little brother squirm and fidget with his hands. His speech comes out in broken stutters and barely audible murmurs. It seemed the first time was just a fluke of courage that didn't actually belong to “Rin” after all. Hugo looks away at the quivering boy that's younger than him, the miniscule of interest in his inked out eyes flicker away, leaving behind a dark void of detachment.
“Why did you ask me in particular? You could've asked Loki maybe, although I'm not really sure he would've cared really.”
Hugo stared at the maroon clock with exaggerated black lettering he had installed in his wall. They have been conversing for 1 minute and 43 seconds and standing still in silence for 5 minutes and 17 seconds. That's 7 whole minutes gone by where Hugo could've been hanging with Loki as he tries to coach Charles to utilize his full talent and ultimately fails as usual.
“... b-because…you're… strong…?” 3 syllables barely escape “Rin's” tightly sealed lips like it took considerable effort to verbalize. And Hugo felt his disappointment of “Rin” scraping the bottom of the barrel. Strong? Yes he did have a considerably big build compared to the usual lankiness one might have at his height, like “Rin” does. But Hugo was a football player, not an MMA fighter, a single mistake (not that he would make any) could leave him unable to play.
An audible sigh escapes Hugo’s parted lips, his eyebrows crease together. His brows knitted together, pointing down. It felt tiring, as if he was a puppet playing in a lousy script.
Knowing the crowd that Yuki amassed, it was safe to say that even if he was serious about it, he'd probably get injured. The probability of escaping unscathed was a whopping zero percent. And “Rin” didn't seem to have any luck factor that could manipulate his calculations. Hugo doesn't really feel like doing all that for someone as dull and weak like him anyways.
“Sorry-sorry, I can't miss the next few practices. You'll understand why right? Coach Ego really doesn't play about skipping, saying one day he would lock us all in a facility like clang clunk. One with no windows and anything connected to the outside world where we’ll all just kick balls all day.”
Hugo turns away from “Rin”, not bothering to hear what he would say. It's probably just a clumsy and lackluster response to his excuse that was probably pulled straight out of an empty book. He grabs his phone, seeing a few messages from Charles that they're going to try out a few moves, so he grabs his bag and exits out the door with a click.
It was only after long hours of practicing and goofing off on the field that they noticed it was getting dark. All three of them sauntered in with Charles on Loki's back completely wiped out and Hugo following close behind. Loki took Charles to their respective side of the room immediately, not sparing a glance at anything else. But Hugo did.
Hugo saw fuzzled dark green locks peek out from the kitchen counter as rolls of bandage and medical kits lay splayed out on the floor. He approaches “Rin” from the other side of the counter, getting a jump out of him. “Rin” looked like he had one foot planted in his grave, bruises racked his body both old and new. Decorating his pale skin with an assortment of red, purple and even green.
“Do you need help with that, “Rin”?” Hugo asked although he didn't really want to bother. “Rin” was just there obviously not knowing how to clean and bandage fresh wounds as rolls of cotton cloth bandages rolled into a mess on the floor.
“....ah…no…’m fine…” “Rin” muttered, voice cracking and hoarse.
“Okay I'll leave you to it then. If you need help you should watch some videos about it.” Hugo told him unhelpfully and swiftly went to change out his jerseys. Not that he knew that “Rin’s” phone battery was completely dead, the only videos he could watch is the dark reflection of his bruised lip quivering.
___________
The next day he had woken up, it felt like something in the air had imperceivably shifted. As if something missing had finally been slotted back into the world itself. His thoughts seem to have finally caught up to him as if they weren't fully connecting with him his entire life. They feel more in depth as if he's gained enlightenment like a monk overnight.
The room feels oddly bare, as if they've been living in a doll house all along. The walls feel naked even with frames and paper plastered on, it felt a little too symmetrical as if everything was placed there deliberately. He thought about why someone like Charles hasn't completely vandalized the flat beige wall.
He looks at the posters on the wall, all popular bands that didn't seem to have any connection to their music taste. Then, the kitchen counter, the one that was in a mess of bandages and disinfectant. It was neat, spotless, the way they always leave it like an unspoken command. But now it feels wrong, as if they've been neglecting to do something.
His eyes naturally drift to the figure covered in heaps of blanket on the top bunk that they share. As if naturally transfixed like the boy seemed to have the answers for the cracks in his world. Odd, usually Rin would've woken up before him, leaving the dorms without a single trace of his shadow. He never questioned anything about him, as if the world itself seemed to block the thought.
A fuzzy thought surfaces, a trembling Rin with bruises decorating all over him, it was blurry and uncertain like it wasn’t supposed to be there. Sure, Hugo had seen Rin bruised and battered before but not like that. The memory felt real but forbidden, as if the world erased it from Hugo’s eyes. Hugo felt a tingle in his heart, a twinge like a blood vein in his heart twisted slightly. It was like he had finally realized the gravity of the situation, or existence in general.
He rushed forward, steps quick but clumsy as he desperately hurled himself to the top bunk where Rin laid there covered in a burrito of blankets. Each step climbing the wooden ladder groaned out with a creak by Hugo’s urgent steps. He set his eyes on the figure completely wrapped by owl patterned blankets (Did they ever have that?) and scanned each micro-movement with desperation.
Rin laid there still and cold sweat started dripping down from Hugo’s temples, it was as if he was staring at a corpse. It was strange, Hugo couldn’t really care if Rin had lived or died but now looking at the unmoving body in front of him made his heart sink. Hugo’s eyes were wide and his pupils were shaking. He put the back side of his palm to Rin’s forehead, checking if there was a fever from a wound infection. None, cold as ice. He gripped the blanket until his knuckles went white and pulled, successfully prying Rin open. His chest wasn’t moving, wasn’t breathing and his body was locked still as if rigor mortis had set in.
“Rin..?!” Hugo felt as if the world had been put on pause.
Hugo laid his eyes on the sickly pale hue of the youth’s skin, it was unblemished and smooth. (Wasn’t he beat up?) It was as if someone had replaced the timid Rin with a plastic doll. Hugo was possibly panicking, lips quivering, hands shaking trying desperately to shake Rin awake. He poked his cheek as if testing the waters, upon the unresponsive sight he immediately started to shake him full force violently.
“...Wake up! Are you sick Rin?! Did you die in your sleep?!” Hugo set two long slender fingers to Rin’s neck, massaging around the area trying to feel for a pulse.
As if the world finally remembered to keep spinning, Rin’s pulse jump started like starting a car engine. Hugo audibly let out an audible sigh, there’s no way Rin could just die in his sleep like an old person (Right?). He quickly set his face back to the stone faced and detached expression, he wonders why only now did he feel concern for Rin.
Their roommate, Rin, who had been visibly dying day by day yet they seem to ignore it as if it was normal. Why now, would Hugo finally feel concern and sympathy for this pitiful boy? As if an unnatural force had cursed Rin Itoshi’s existence to garner animosity and scorn down without any complaint and it had been lifted the moment he woke up.
“...Rin…I’m sorry…” He felt sad, he felt guilty and he felt angry. Feelings crashed together inside him like boom-boom damaging him from the inside as he stared at the Rin who had miraculously come back. “I… don’t know… why….or what’s happening…” Hugo frowned, he never cried since his upbringing and he thinks he can’t. The crease in his eyes was the closest to it.
Confusion and guilt hits him like slabs of bricks, why he turned a blind eye, why he remained willfully ignorant. Hugo admits he doesn't have much capacity to engage with other people that doesn't get his cogs turning, but he wouldn't have left a boy to rot and lick his own wounds. It was basic human decency yet it felt so distant back then like he couldn't fully connect his body to his thoughts.
Rin’s breathing resumed as his limbs seemed to regain their vigor, like his body finally remembered that it’s supposed to be keeping itself alive. His brows furrowed while he parted his mouth slightly to breathe, drool trickling out like a kid. And Hugo is finally hit with the realization of this boy’s age. Realizations have been going pop-pop in his head since he woke up, like his head was filled with gooey honey and he just broke out.
Hugo watched intently at the way Rin resumed his sleep and the way his chest would rise and fall, lifting his shirt up to expose his toned abs slightly. His hands reached out to the exposed skin and lightly massaged it, mesmerized with the way the muscle seemed firm but was actually soft when he drew circles on it.
This seemed to stir Rin awake slightly, his long bottom eyelashes fluttering slightly as his lips sealed into a frown. He turned his body away, facing the wall and swatting Hugo’s hand away in the process. Mumbled and fuzzy dream talk seemed to slip out of his tongue that Hugo kept his ears open to listen to.
“....mmh…not yet…’m tired…hng…”
Rin’s half grumble half groan seemed to jolt Hugo out of his trance state of mesmerization, it was almost adorable and it made Hugo’s heart almost go doki-doki at the childish behavior. Then realization sets in like a bucket of ice poured over his head. Embarrassment and guilt set into his face, a slightly almost unnoticeable pink hue tinted below Hugo’s prominent eyelashes that seemed expanded outward from his face. He shook his head with a frown as if willing the strange thoughts away.
The alarm sounded out, AKA Loki’s phone and Charles loud whine as he’s being pried off the bed by Loki. It broke Hugo out of his stupor and he quickly went to clean himself out and get ready for the day, not before sneaking one too many glances at the figure clutching to himself in a fetal position as irritated babbles came out of his mouth.
Hugo came out of the bathroom, with his uniform clasped over him as natural as a second skin and met eye to eye with Loki. Loki’s gaze wasn’t confident and smug as usual, there was a slight tone of unease in it.
“You too Loki?” Hugo asked for confirmation if they had a mutual understanding of the situation.
“...” Loki stood silent, deep in thought.
“Loki.”
“Hm? Ah yeah. Felt like something in the world was forcefully obscured and it was finally revealed.” Loki puts a hand on his chin.
“Yeah, I get it. I woke up like a few cogs in my brain have finally slotted back in like clink-clank. As if I wasn’t actually living before and now I’m finally swooshed into my body.” Hugo agreed.
This got a laugh out of Loki, as if his seemingly serious mood was now lifted. He patted Hugo on his shoulder and went right back into the shared bathroom. Not until he took out a palmful of colorfully decorated hair pins. From Charles he presumes.
“Use it. Charles suddenly woke up like he was in an inspirational cocoon and broke out with a burst of colors. So he churned these out like a maddened imp.”
Hugo accepted each of it carefully and went to use each one to style each strand of his hair in front of his head back with skillful and practised ease. It was something Charles would always do, or so he remembered but it felt like he hadn’t done any of it recently. Maybe it was an actual inspirational cocoon or maybe he had gotten the revelation too.
Hugo didn’t bother silencing his footsteps as he made his way over to the still-asleep Rin with loud thumps, intending to wake him up with each step he made.
“Ding-dong.” He stuffed his face right into Rin's ear, ready to unintentionally wreck his ear drums.
“Ding-dong” He watched as Rin's eyebrow furrows into hard lines as he clenches his teeth. Rin's definitely awake, although he tries not to be.
He decides that sound seems to work well in the task of waking up Rin Itoshi. He shuffled closer until his parted lips were only barely a centimeter away from Rin's soft earlobes. Each breath ghosting against his skin, unintentionally sending shivers down Rin's spine.
“Why aren't you waking up Rin? Did you get beat up again? Want me to beat them back? Not that I really want to. I mean I’m just asking out of courtesy, sorry was that mean?”
He doesn't really know what to say after so many realizations like too many cogs got inserted. So he decided to just word vomit into Rin's ear.
And it works although it feels like he's angered him awake with the way Rin jolted up and hit his head on the ceiling from the top bunk violently. He watches the way Rin’s face twists into a scowl immediately as he absentmindedly rubs his head.
Rin's beautiful turquoise eyes paired with the flutters of his long lashes framed with sharp pointed ends seem to critically scan the surroundings like a detective until those pretty jades finally land on him like destiny. The flicker of teal reflects in the obsidian eyes of his like destiny. Hugo had never gotten a good look into Rin's eyes for analysis and he regrets every single moment in the past where he didn't cup Rin's cheek and tilt those elegant yet sharp pointed daggers to look directly at him.
Rin looked arrogant, almost a parallel with his brother. But Sae Itoshi had a detached arrogance that seemed as natural as breathing. While Rin's arrogance seemed to stem from something otherworldly, seemingly commanding silent authority for himself like a vortex. As if he was from another world watching Hugo stumble and fall in an ice globe.
They exchange a few words, well mostly him. Rin's tone was haughty yet mesmerizing. His mouth moves on autopilot as his tongue rolls to spit out responses. He can't really focus that well when he can't rip his eyes off the way Rin's forest teal irises that seemed to contain storms that seem to vacuum all focus on him. Or the way Rin's commanding voice lolled out deep and husky from waking up yet underlined a tone of smooth youthful high pitches occasionally.
Hugo was eager to drink up any syllables that rolled off Rin's tongue like nectar. Until their conversation seemed to come to an end as Rin bolts into the bathroom while kicking out Charles with a loud yelp and a bang from the door swinging shut.
Hugo walked over to comfort Charles, and rub circles at his back. He dragged him over to get properly dressed by the bunk bed that Charles and Loki shared. Loki helped fasten Charles' tie as their usual mundane morning topic seemed to have changed to the new behavior of Rin and the imperceivable shift in reality.
“Rin… feels like a brand new person.” Loki started.
“Yeah, he was all grr-grr at me even though I was trying to help.” Hugo replied.
“Monsieur Hugo liar! I know you were trying to analyze Rin down to the twitch of his eyelashes!” Charles exclaimed.
“But… Did Rin ever have a temper? I don't remember him as someone who would outwardly interrupt Hugo or kick Charles out of the bathroom.” Loki asked.
“Well no… Rinnie always had his head down like a servant and he never made eye contact with me.” Charles sulked.
“But we did treat him like a servant.” Loki prompted.
The mood of the conversation plummeted down deep into icy depths. Hugo felt like sharp icicles seem to be stabbing his throat down like needles whenever he swallowed. The cog in his eyes observed that both of them were in similar situations.
“Dunno, but I feel like the me of today definitely wouldn't do that to Rin.” Hugo gestured around with his hands, making the air go swoosh-swoosh.
“I felt like I just fully woke up and registered with the world.” Loki nodded.
“Everything was wrong back then! But now… we fix it!” Charles spun around.
The mood seemed to brighten up with new found determination and a new goal to make amends with their 4th roommate.
“We should start with an apology then, forgiveness or not.” Loki provided.
“Okay, Charles you go first.” Hugo pushed Charles forward.
“But it won't end just with that right?” Charles asked.
“No.”
“No, we still have to-”
Rin slid open the bathroom door with a loud thud! He marched out with his eyebrows furrowed like he was irritated just living but the most striking thing wasn't his grumpy demeanor that seemed to yell to back off. No, it was his clothes, or lack thereof.
Rin came out of the bathroom like he had a brawl with the shower and came out with a loss. His once pearly smooth skin was now colored with the hot heat, white milky skin turning pink, borderline red. Maybe he had accidentally turned the heat knob the other way. His once long dark olive strands stuck out in different directions as the hair that used to flow down the back of his nape was shaved off cleanly.
He trudged out the bathroom with a stormy expression as his eyes scanned the room with nothing but a towel wrapped around his slim waist, for the wardrobe Hugo presumed. Rin's expression was a downright bright red sign saying “DO NOT DISTURB”. He took a few steps forward, stopped, sighed and grinded his teeth, continued, stopped, shook his head and continued again.
Charles was the first to react, practically trying to jump Rin who was one bad slip from flashing the French. Loki basically tackled Charles to the ground like a sumo wrestler as he frantically shook his head as the only one of the three with the best social cue understanding. (Although it still wasn't normal.)
“What?! Weren't we going to apologize?!” Charles yelled a little too loud for secrecy.
“Bad time right now!” Loki whisper-shouted with a finger on his lips signalling to quiet down.
Charles' eyes sparkled, smiling a toothy grin. Ah, they forgot how much of a contrarian their small blonde gremlin was. Hugo sensing the alarm bells go off immediately laid over Loki securing the tackle in a sandwich.
“Kuh!” “Geh!” Their bodies laid on the floor carpet with a loud oomph! Maybe Hugo's physique was suited to restrain Charles another way but at least he got it.
“No! No! Let me go I want to see Rin!” Charles wailed out as he flailed his limbs like making a snow angel at the bottom of the tackle sandwich.
“He's naked right now!!!!” Loki gasped out exasperatedly.
“And he looks gloom-gloom, if you poke him he'll go kaboom.” Hugo added.
“Exactly why!”
Both of them sighed at the same time.
“Don't you both want to see him? Aren't you guys curious, don't both of you want to take a look~?” Charles provoked as a sharp tooth popped out.
“That's really bad. Right Hugo?” Loki asked.
Hugo's inner cog machinations suddenly froze at the image, overheating. Rin’s bare body… It was smooth without any blemishes. Maybe he does want to see it, only to check for injuries of course. He wants to check his body's specs too, see if he is using it to its full potential. But his mind drifts to the image of Rin's muscled thighs relaxed and bouncing slightly with each step he takes.
“Hugo.” Loki called again with disappointment etched in his tone.
“Yes.” Hugo does not even know what he’s agreeing to.
Loki sighs audibly, rubbing his temples like an overworked mother of 2. Hugo decided that’s his cue to haul them both to the entrance, that’s what they usually do before Loki’s patience snaps and they get forced to undergo Loki’s “training” (He calls it rehabilitation.)
_________
The three of them sit in their respective seats after their usual banter leading up to the classroom. The elephant in the room lays unaddressed as their seats are unfortunately separated in alphabetical order. So Hugo practically buzzes in his seat staring at the empty page of his book when his thought actually dances around a figure 2 columns and 3 seats behind him. Rin. In Yuki Itoshi’s seat.
Charles, who was 2 seats next to him on the left, was practically wearing a tin foil hat spouting inconceivable theories about the new change in their roommate who was as timid as a mouse going squeak-squeak. Ranging from:
“So he was actually hiding his personality to launch his come-back like a protagonist.”
No. Hugo had peered into every pore of Rin’s body back then and can safely conclude that it was not acting.
“Maybe he got possessed by an evil grumpy spirit.”
This one… Hugo is all about logical physics but maybe this has some feasibility.
“He actually reincarnated, this is his second life.”
What the hell, sure.
“Or he was a random person and got hit by a truck and transmigrated here-”
“CLASS QUIET!!!” The homeroom teacher walks in right then and puts a cap on the ongoing gossip and begins class.
Hugo felt like they were getting close with the Rin Itoshi Theory. Or maybe Rin did actually hit his head wrong that morning who knows. Judging by the way Rin seemed to be able to sleep through 5 chalks thrown at his head, the lunch bell and ultimately the school bell signalling class was over. He really should check up on him, was he drooling again?
Well he was going to until the germans who usually chased Yuki around like dogs dunked mango fruit punch on Rin and basically poked open an hornet nest with the way Rin was about to jump the two of them straight across the table.
Loki slid over while Charles bounced his way to his table, the middle seat in the front row of the classroom.
“Hm? Rin’s actually holding his own? Maybe even fighting back?” Loki asked.
“Wowie! Rinnie can actually look like that? I thought his head didn’t have the button that makes him angry.” Charles chided.
“Did he actually get possessed by a vengeful spirit?” Loki asked half jokingly half not.
The trio fell silent looking at each other for confirmation, as it stands they were technically the closest to Rin, excluding Yuki. Yet this behavior didn’t seem unwarranted, as if it was natural for Rin to react this way. Hugo thinks about just how much he actually knew Rin, aside from his dozen of owl themed items, and feels his head hurting a little.
Yeah. A little. That’s probably all he knew about Rin. Unbefitting with someone of his personality, just what he was doing or lack of “doing” in the past few years?
“It’s fine, nothing changes. Let’s go we’ll still be a-”
“CRASH!” Rin Itoshi throws a single ice cube like firing a missile as it explodes on impact into small crystallized shapes on the door, sliding down like he just man-made a lethal weapon with frozen water.
“Let’s wait. I don’t think this is it.”
“Yup.” Both Charles and Hugo agreed without question as they tracked the way Rin stomped off like a pair of curious owls, head turning impossible angles.
“We’re following him.” Loki commanded, a smug smile tugging at his lips as if he’s caught sight of the most dazzling thing ever.
Charles giggled, hopping out the seat while Hugo got up normally and followed in Loki’s steps. It feels like an invisible tide pushing them forth as they walk to the football fields in entranced silence. Is this what true destiny was?
Yes. This was true destiny, Hugo could care less about how Rin grew a backbone and his constant irritation surrounding him like a black cloud since this morning. He couldn’t care, not when Rin just hit the most irrationally beautiful bicycle kick that Hugo could never rationally compute with logic in his head. It was violent, it was beautiful like a pupa bursting out its cocoon just to break its wings.
Rin Itoshi is his destiny. The one who is destined to make Hugo’s dream come true, to bloom open that unbudded ego that worked like an all knowing computer. He feels his body float adrift as he stares at the way Rin hitting the grassy patch with a violent thud, his mind already shifting cogs, making space for Rin.
Hugo has been attuned and sensitive to the potential of everybody he met. Which actions would maximize their potential, which actions could benefit in overcoming his own. The cogs in his eyes spin faster and faster as he carved the very silhouette of Rin into his nervous system.
Rin Itoshi’s maximum potential… He couldn’t see it, the ceiling of how high Rin Itoshi’s wings could soar. As if he had transcended that ceiling known as “Ego”, flying in outer space. It was otherworldly, and he absolutely wanted it no matter what. Destiny had brought Rin to Hugo so he could cup the world cup four times, and even if it wasn’t, he would make it so.
He glances at his peers next to him, Charles on Loki’s back scribbling with maddened fever as Loki’s golden eyes seem to zoom-zoom onto each rise and fall of Rin’s chest like a hawk. They were on the same wave-length as usual.
“Loki.” Hugo called. “Charles.”
Both of them glanced at him for a fraction of a second and turned away just as quickly, as if tearing their eyes off Rin Itoshi was a cardinal sin itself. He gets it, they get it.
They must have Rin Itoshi no matter what.
_______________
Loki's heart does the closest thing to a panic attack when his golden crescent eyes bore holes into the unmoving boy with bloody noses in front of him. As if the sight alone resembled a ghostly hand grasping his heart and forcing it to stay still. The scene of him getting hauled to the infirmary like a roast turkey doesn't settle it.
“Loki?” Charles, who wasn't used to seeing the narcissistic rightfully self-assured mentor of his so shaken, asked half-worried, half-amused.
No response. Screw being amused, Charles is finally feeling the panic in the air seep in through his mischievous facade.
“... He'll wake up right?” Charles asked again, forgoing his mischief, replaced with the voice of a scared 15 year old teenager.
Loki wants to say yes, saying that there's no way anyone could just hit their head on grass and die, especially not the current Rin. But something in his gut twisted like an untangled knot, anxiety churns in his throat as ominous foreboding seems to clog up his throat.
(As if Rin had not woken up before, like a distant memory of a memory.)
He doesn't say anything for a beat, throat closing up as if he's witnessed something eerily similar in a distant future. It was foggy, but the feeling of dread sat inside him like stones piling up.
“Let's go to the infirmary, we'll know for sure then.” Loki ultimately replied, although his feet that used to be able to carry him anywhere stood planted in the dirt. Maybe he's avoiding it, as if going there might actually confirm the worst case scenario.
Hugo clasped his long arms over both of them, a sort of reassurance. “Rin's destiny doesn't end here. Let's go.” He dragged both of them to the direction of the infirmary, which seemed to resemble a concert or a celebrity meet up with its crowd.
Kaiser was yelling or more like panicking, as if they weren't one of the root causes, not that Loki can say much but he's definitely better. Bachira, their captain had basically adopted the role of a mother hen, not that Loki wanted it or anything. Him and Isagi Yoichi seemed to fuss over every small detail on Rin, his blanket, his chipped nails, the bandage for his nose etc.
Ness meanwhile looked like he had been dropped upside down, rightside up and a spin to top it off. Pale with worry as cold sweat seemed to drip down his skin. Everyone in the room resembled Ness, just not as severe as if they've just witnessed the death of religion.
Rin laid there unbothered by the growing completion surrounding him and his white bed with cream colored curtains. Although his brow stayed furrowed, creasing his forehead with wrinkles. Was he in a bad dream right now? How utterly adorable.
“Ah! Rin-san’s roommates, you're here too?” Yuki walked in with an easy smile accompanied by the school nurse. His calm composure was betrayed by the way his fists seem to curl into itself, nails digging into the flesh of his palms.
Everyone in the room fell into synchronized silence, attention completely onto Yuki. Or more specifically the answers he held regarding Rin. It was strange, the feeling of awe and admiration Loki and the others used to hold for Yuki Itoshi seemed nowhere to be found. As if it's been scooped out of their bodies.
The nurse stepped forward, eyes sharp with clear irritation at the size of the crowd. Her voice sliced through the room like a scalpel.
“Rin Itoshi is fine, he had merely collapsed from muscle exertion and an empty stomach.” the nurse delivered, clearly not paid enough to have elite prestigious families' heirs playing staring contests
“Everyone else aside from the ones who are living with Rin currently, step out right now.” She dismissed everyone with a wave, silencing the protests with a glare that threatened to break their legs. “Yuki you too. As his brother, I've already informed you of everything you need to know.”
Loki watches as the crowd disperses with a flick of the strict nurse's hand. A little awed and a little envious at the commanding aura she held naturally.
“And a maximum of two people please.” Loki and Hugo immediately fixed their gaze on Charles.
“No way.” Charles instantaneous reply.
Loki and Hugo held their gaze.
“Nope, nah, nuh-uh, nadah.” Charles started pouting.
“Charles you can get Rin some refreshers and snacks for when he wakes up, he might really appreciate it.” Loki suggested, glancing at Hugo to back him up.
“Rin seemed to really like owls and the color teal, he'll be happy if you get it for him and he might even go smile-smile.” Hugo dragged fingers to the corner of his lip up, mimicking a smile with dead black eyes.
“...” Charles stood silent (rare).
“...Fine, but you guys better tell me everything I didn't hear afterwards!!!” Charles stomped out with childish anger after.
“We will.” “Yep.”
The nurse, finding the fact that they're finally at an acceptable personnel count for a patient visit turns to the two who were the only one left. She clicked her tongue and stood silent for a beat, as if wondering if they were the right options to relay whatever she wanted to relay.
“Rin's blood pressure was critically low when he arrived. His glucose levels were abysmal paired with the fact that he hadn't eaten a single thing.” The nurse started.
“His fingers and toes were ice cold, signalling poor blood circulation. Let me ask you two this, has Rin-kun ever fainted or exhibited similar symptoms like nausea or dizziness?” The nurse asked.
Ah. Each word felt like ice cold water shooting through his veins.
Loki felt like his nerves had gone numb, as if he had just heard the news of his lover's passing. Was Rin ever in a shape as horrible as mentioned? Did he really not take any notice? Especially about someone like him?
Did he ever show such symptoms? Would he know? Would he have cared back then? Did it happen and he just thought it was too unimportant to remember?
“No, we haven't.” Hugo answered for them as Loki spirals.
“I see, I had to get his blood drawn to test for anemia, or any heart conditions but surprisingly he was all clear. So I only have one question left.”
“How was Rin's eating habits?”
…
He doesn't know. He never knew, never would have when something didn't catch his eyes. His heart sinks at the hollowness in his throat, unable to provide an answer as Rin's roommate.
“...” Loki's confident persona crumbles a little. Just how much someone who he had dismissed as irrelevant, seemed to be able to shake him to his very core now feels like an impossible mystery.
Maybe the nurse caught on that they being roommates didn't equate actual care, that maybe the fact the patient's other brother still hasn't come when it's been over half an hour and probably wouldn't.
Her eyes flicker to the limp body covered in a white blanket like a corpse as pity colors her eyes behind her red rimmed glasses. She takes a long sigh.
“It doesn't matter, just make sure to get his blood sugar up and make him integrate more iron to his diet. And get him to eat full-meals, his body may look fine now but I have a feeling he'll need it.” The nurse ended curtly, glancing a distasteful gaze towards the duo and walked out.
They stood still, trying to digest her words, trying to figure out just what went wrong with them. Regret pools into their gut like a force trying to pull them down, to drown in the bitter waters of guilt and regret.
A beat.
Two.
Three.
“Let's call Charles and update him. Since he's already outside buying whatever clink-clinks, he can get what Rin needs.” Hugo broke out of it first, he was the most logical one after all. In times like this, he really do seem reliable but…
“Hugo… Rin didn't eat or drink anything today didn't he…?”
“...” Silence.
“Charles not picking up, he always does this, ignoring calls. You should go after him, take Rin’s belongings too.” Hugo ignored his question, gesturing with his hands wildly towards the door. Maybe this was for the better instead.
“... You're right. I should be the one to go.” Loki hurried out without sparing a glance at Hugo. Being in the infirmary room with an unresponsive Rin Itoshi seemed to make it hard to breathe. The heavy tension of guilt and regret weighing down on his lungs, crushing it.
It was foreign, feeling off-kitler, off his game or just off at all. He grew up through the years without a single doubt plaguing his mind, he doesn't feel regret nor doubt because someone like him would always be on the best track.
Now he feels like he's taken the wrong track on the completely opposite end. He felt sick, as if the past felt like a completely different person from the present. And all of it stemmed from one boy not much younger than him with long pretty lashes. An actual true contrarian, someone who could look like the fiercest predator in the jungle to a sickly pup without missing a beat.
It was like the world was playing a cruel joke on him. And that's wrong, the world was supposed to follow his every move and kiss the ground he stepped on. As if the world had been cracked open… no as if the world had finally filled in the gaps.
He feels horrible, like a wet plastic bag floating adrift in a sewer. But also it felt like right now was the most he had ever felt in his life. The most he had ever truly lived. It was strange and contrasting, just like Rin.
______________
“And that's why she told us you need to eat all this.”
Rin scurries into the dorm room like he just participated in the world war, twice, and lost pathetically each time. His black locks imbued with dark forest green seems to be clinging to his sweat covered face. It was still dusted with snow as if he tumbled into a pile of snow and rolled around like a mutt.
“?” These lunatics cannot be serious.
…
They are.
“Hah?! Are you guys nuts?!” Rin's mouth opened in a downward curve as if they had just told him sheep could fly.
“Nope nah nuh-uh nadah! Rinnie~ it's doctor's orders!” Charles sing-songed but his voice held a slight tremble and his eyes didn't hold any sort of mischief at all. Almost as if he's worried for Rin himself, as if.
Rin stares at the coffee table in the middle of the dorm, completely covered with sweets, chocolate bars (specifically dark chocolate), a big bowl of dried pumpkin seeds and fried tofu. He frowned even deeper if it was even possible, staring at the absolute horrendous combo.
“Rin, you haven't eaten since this morning. It'll be good for replenishing your energy.” Loki behind him patted his shoulder with a smile.
“Actually I had popsicles.”
All three of them looked at him like he shot their families in front of them.
“...”
“Very filling popsicles.” Rin added from the pressure of their stares.
“...”
“...I'll go take a shower and go straight to bed, put all that vomit pile away.” Rin averted their stares (tch), and quickly ran away to the bathroom.
Not before hearing Hugo threaten that he'll make it into breakfast. Damn it all, he doesn't even have an appetite.
(“Depression can lead to a loss of appetite, so Rin even if you don't feel like it, you should eat. For your body too.”)
His doctor's voice sounds out in his head like a gentle reminder, making him stop in his tracks. He grinds his teeth as if he's about to do something absolutely humiliating.
“... I'll eat after I shower, but don't expect me to finish that garbage.” Rin grits out, cheeks pink witnessing the way everyone immediately brightened up. He quickly slams the bathroom door with a loud bang, god he wants to just stay in the cold white bathroom forever.
But then the bathroom door creaks open slightly, unnoticeable unless their body was fully attuned and reactive to Rin's every movement.
His cheeks were still pink but they had faded slightly. His brows furrow as some of his hair peek out of the narrow gap.
“...What was the nurse's name?”
“Hm…?” Hugo tilted his head, clearly not expecting the question. Loki's mouth flattened into a straight line to think.
“Ah-ah-ah! I know! I remember! Mademoiselle was very pretty, and reminded me of you.” Charles jumped up and down with excitement at the opportunity to get Rin's affection points.
“She wore cool red glasses! She was called nurse Yuzuha!”
.
“No fucking way.”