Chapter Text
Azul left Idia’s that day both very tired, yet also fulfilled. He knew that, deep down, there was no way that he would really lose the idea of being unworthy of things. It was more than skin deep, that was for certain. Yet, for every time that his mind reinforced those ideas, there was something in real life that opposed them. Yes, he had some issues with the twins, but it wasn’t as though after Jade’s whole… situation, he had ever bothered to reach out. He never forced himself to push through when things got worse; he had in the past, but this time he just… gave up. How could he prove the thoughts he had wrong when every effort, or lack thereof, that he made simply proved them right? Not to mention the fact that, despite everything, he’d ended up with Idia. What a wonderful stroke of luck that was. He would have never expected such a thing to happen; not that he even assumed it was really happening now. Yes, he smiled at the image of the other that had popped into his head, Idia.
It was getting close to evening, about an hour and a half before the lounge was supposed to open. The moment he left Ignihyde, he had decided he was going in to work; the place had been without him for long enough. Besides, how could he complain that the place was doing just fine without him if he never put in the effort to be there? Azul was certainly a hypocrite, but, for his own sake, he needed to try and stop that terrible habit. He opened the door to his bedroom and immediately saw himself in the mirror, in the outfit he had worn the day before with slightly disheveled hair. He wasn’t anywhere close to his old level of presentation, but the time should be enough for him to look decent. He went to pick out a well-pressed dorm uniform when his phone buzzed. It was Idia. He wasn’t expecting the other to reach out so soon. But it seems that the rules did change when people dated, didn’t they? The very thought sent butterflies to his stomach; he wasn’t expecting it and felt a little dizzy at the thought.
From: Idia
u @ Mostro?
or home?
Azul smiled at the message before responding.
To: Idia
Home now
But I will be at work today
The response came quickly.
From: Idia
bf discount?
To: Idia
…
I might
From: Idia
be there @ 7
don’t give me some extrovert waiter
To: Idia
I will personally tend to your table.
Okay, now he has to be ready for work on time. The next hour or so was a series of mad dashes around his room to find various accessories and makeup that hadn’t been worn in months. The thing about not being at work that Azul didn’t realize, having never been out of it before, was that it made one out of practice. All of his products didn’t feel like they went on the same way, and he found himself struggling to remember the way in which he’d organized certain parts of the menu. He hoped that such a thing didn’t show, since there was nothing worse, in his opinion, than seeming to be all the fraud that he thought he was. The only fraud he wanted to be associated with was the reputation his contracts had gotten him, but even that he hoped would eventually be seen as something more reputable.
However, due to the fact that he still was reasonable at time management, he made it to the Mostro Lounge, looking presentable, before the place opened. He entered through the kitchen, looking at the meal prep going on; it seemed as though everything being made was dishes he already knew. Good, that means that the staff, namely Ruggie, were still waiting on his approval before dishing out limited-edition menu items. He went through the two metal doors from the kitchen to enter the Mostro Lounge. It remained dazzling and elegant, even in his absence. What a beautiful thing he had built. There were still staff members running around, placing centerpieces and attempting last-minute memorization of the menu’s most expensive items; to recommend, of course. Everything seemed to be running smoothly. Ruggie, ever the valuable employee, was barking orders from in front of the entrance. Azul went up to meet him, earning a grin from the beastman.
“Bossman, you’re back! Haven’t heard from ya in a couple. Off with the missus? Or, well, mister?” Azul’s face turned bright red at the comment. He supposed that it wasn’t at all a false statement, but he wished that such a thing wouldn’t be noticed. “Ah, so I was right!” He chuckled. “Am I saving a table for’m then? The corner one?”
“That… would be preferable.”
“Righty’o!” He said with a cheer, before dashing off. However, before he could finish whatever he was doing, he rushed back. “Oh yeah, I’ll letcha know when he gets here. Just… go do businessy-stuff in your office. Taxes or something? Whatever you normally do… Just, leave the front of house to me!” He ran back over to the booth on the edge of the lounge, placing down a shiny “Reserved” plaque and letting all of the wait staff know what was going on, pointing at Azul with a teasing smile.
With that, Azul did, in fact, go to his office. He wasn’t used to taking orders, but it seemed the best course of action for the moment. If he’d made a scene, especially after all the help Ruggie had been over these past few months, it would be the loss of a valuable ally. He could not risk that, not at this moment. His office was exactly how he left it; spotless, with the exception of some paperwork. Most of this was things he had written himself, with the exception of the paper on top. This specific paper, lying squint on top of the rest of the things stacked on his desk, was a list of appointments with their reason. The list was nothing out of the ordinary. There were several Heartslabyul students that, despite having made these meetings, would certainly be collared at the result. There was a small part of him that thought about telling Riddle, as these interactions tended to result in the shorter Housewarden barging his way in and demanding an annulment of such contracts, but he decided against it. He scanned the rest of the list, not expecting anything to pique his interest. But, at the bottom of the page was something else, something… unexpected. If that word could truly define the feeling going through Azul as he read it, that is.
“Jade Leech 3 PM Saturday- Meeting Reason: Unknown”
There was a note underneath it, in Ruggie’s messiest scrawl. “Trey made the meeting, said it had to be you, not sure why… Good luck, boss!” Next to it was a little doodle of Ruggie himself, giving a thumbs-up and having his tongue stick out partially.
So, that meant that he… would be seeing Jade again. What should he say? What would Jade say? Trey made the meeting instead of Jade himself- why? What else was happening here? He had so many questions, but he couldn’t think about any of them right now. Now, his goal was restoring his role at Mostro Lounge. But he couldn’t lie and say that he could block them out from his mind. So, he just let the questions run their loops while he started reviewing everything from his absence. There was nothing really that concerned him, only that the most profitable window for Ruggie’s limited-edition pumpkin-themed collection was coming up and he had to obtain pumpkin puree for that. Azul went to check the time… only to notice that he had forgotten his watch. It seemed that he really would need to work at getting used to this lifestyle again. Yet, he believed that it was certainly worth it. He would be cared for, no matter what, it seemed; but that meant that he wanted to become as close to an Azul he deemed worthy of such care as possible.
Either time flew by, or Idia for some reason came early (Azul assumed the former), since it seemed like no time at all before Ruggie knocked on his door. “Hey bossman, your boy’s here.” He called before dashing off again.
Azul found himself thinking that he’d never met anyone more worth their salary. Well, except maybe Jade; he banished that thought the moment it came, as he knew it would just be a distraction. Today was about rebuilding foundations, not adding greater issues.
“Thank you, Ruggie.” He responded, rising from his chair. He knew the other probably didn’t hear him, but he wanted to say it anyway.
He walked through the lounge, finding it incredibly busy for what he assumed would be a semi-quiet Friday night; they were usually on the busy side, but the times not near any kind of exam, holiday, or break tended to still be on the quiet side most of the time. Yet, of the percentage of students that still had money to blow, a vast majority seemed to be sitting in his lounge. They were all happy too, chatting with each other and the wait staff with smiles on their faces. Some of them, upon seeing him, called out to greet him as well, which he found surprising. Jamil was among them, sitting in a booth with Floyd glued to his side; Azul gave the other a short response before continuing his walk over to the quieter end of the lounge. There was still a part of him that wished that the Scarabian Vice-Housewarden would have chosen him instead of his more erratic friend, but he wasn’t as upset about it as he once was; things were meant to work out this way, he had decided.
The further he got from the center of the room and the bar, the quieter it got. This was more of an intentional design, allowing for a variety of personality types to be drawn to the lounge. It seemed to have worked, as surrounded by tables of his silent dormmates, was the furthest table from the VIP room, containing the Ignihyde Housewarden. That one, sitting nervously and looking as though he was trying to avoid hiding behind his tablet, was Azul’s boyfriend; also known as the most beautiful person in the room. Vil be damned. Yes, Azul did have a partner now, one that would stay by his side for life if things went well. The thought still made him giddy, forcing a smile upon his face as he sat down next to the other.
“Well, aren’t you a long way from home?” He teased, placing his folded hands on the table.
“Ugh, cringe…” Idia grumbled, but not without picking up one of the octo-mer’s hands and kissing it gently.
Pink flicked at the edges of his hair, but the other didn’t seem to notice; or if he did, he didn’t care. Azul, however, was immediately flustered, trying not to hide his face and its growing blush. He was so used to being cool in all kinds of social situations that this just felt wrong. Since when was Idia the confident one?
“I… uh, well…”
Idia took the opportunity to go in for the kill. “And here I thought you had maxed-out charisma stats.” He teased back.
“...Shut up.”
Idia ignored him, entwining his own fingers with Azul’s hand across the table. “So, I might have finished up your coffee maker…” He spoke, as if this were just a normal day and he was not holding hands with Azul in broad daylight.
Where did this sudden boldness come from? It felt so unexpected. Perhaps there was something different about dating that had alleviated Idia’s social anxiety; Azul wasn’t sure if that sounded right, but he really couldn’t come up with any explanation. Were all relationships like this? The mer was unsure of whether or not he was going to be able to cope with such a thing; his heart certainly wasn’t able to at the moment. It felt as though it was going to beat out of his chest, and then some. He found himself just grateful to be in human form and not mer at the moment, as one heart was already too much. He willed all of his strength to pretend that this was just a normal negotiation. Nothing was different; people held hands all the time; this was just small talk, and he was great at that.
“Is it? That’s wonderful news! It seems that there is no debt between us anymore.”
It was funny. It didn’t seem as though it had been that long since he’d made that deal with Idia, and yet it seemed that everything had changed. Sure, they had been close before, but he would have never guessed that watching television with the other would have ended with them dating. Perhaps this was because Azul had never thought it possible for anyone to want to date him. Yet, he also didn’t think he would ever be happier with the result. He had cared for others in the past, but it had never felt like this; he couldn’t have felt this seen with someone like Jamil, as much as he still thought that the vice would have looked wonderful by his side. It wasn’t what he needed, and it was clear that that was something he could only find with Idia.
“Yeah, I guess…” The other seemed less happy about it than he expected.
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, I… ugh, this is stupid!” He sighed, rubbing his thumb over Azul’s hand as he mumbled, “I liked the deal, okay? I liked the guarantee that you’d stick around after club and watch TV with me…”
He responded, confused. “Idia… you do know we can keep doing that, right?”
“Huh?” Idia seemed more surprised at this than Azul did at his complaint.
“I mean, if you want me to draw up a new contract for it, I can, but otherwise we can just keep having movie nights.”
“But… you’re back to running the Lounge, right? I mean, it’s certainly better than… the alternative.” On that, they could both agree. “But you barely had time for our club meetings with your schedule! How are we even going to see each other? You… still want this, right?”
“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?” He was glad that, even though emotions were high, neither of them was causing a scene; or, if they were, nobody was watching them. It would all get worse with more eyes on them. This needed to be just the two of them.
“I don’t know… maybe you’d feel a little better, get back to being the usual SSR Boss Azul, and forget about me?”
“Oh…”
Azul wasn’t sure what exactly surprised him about this. Was it that Idia wasn’t hiding his face, but instead staring at Azul as tears began to prick their way into his eyes? Or was it the fact that, somehow, all the worries Azul had about starting a relationship, the fear of being left, of being unworthy, of being absolutely terrible at it, were mirrored in the mind of his partner? No, it was not these things. It was the fact that, despite all that he knew of Idia, he hadn’t expected this at all. Why had he expected confidence? A strong front, using his words to push a narrative that he didn’t believe on the inside. That wasn’t the Idia he knew. No, his Idia was just as insecure as he was; a coward at best, really. Despite all of his effort, he had no words to show it. He would rather be seen as the little introvert that never left his room, even for a meal, than the technomantic genius he really was. All bite, no bark, indeed. Someone who was able to admit the fear they felt about absolutely everything. That was the person he loved.
“So… it’s true then.” He said, at no more than a whisper.
“Not at all,” Azul responded with a soft smile. “I could say the same about you. Who’s to say that you wouldn’t find a new project to work on, and I won’t hear from you for weeks?”
“I guess…”
“Hypocrite.”
“Says you!” Idia sighed, “So, what’re we going to do? Seems a bit early to take the L on this, doesn’t it?”
Azul wasn’t sure how to respond. But one thing was for certain: he wasn’t giving up on this easily. “Do you want a new contract?”
“Uhh… maybe?”
Azul turned his nose up at the idea. “Well, I don’t.”
“Then why offer it?!” Idia gasped.
“I didn’t. I just asked what you wanted.”
Idia seemed to think for a moment. “Wait… Azul, not wanting a contract? This can’t be right… What kind of isekai am I in?”
It would be easier, even he would admit. With the right wording, he could maintain a relationship due to the nature of his magic, for as long as he so desired. It would be possible, and very simple. However, it wouldn’t be real. He was already so worried about becoming the failure that he once was again. For all the things he was alright with gaining falsely in his life- abilities, wealth, influence- somehow love just never seemed right to steal. Forcing someone to be his partner just… it just wouldn’t work. There was a line in Azul’s life, a moral code that once three, now four people had been able to see. Of course, he wasn’t even sure if his mother and the twins even counted, as they had been there as the effort had been made to push towards that line. No, maybe Idia was the only person that had truly become close to him of his own volition, to be allowed to willingly see where Azul would draw a line in the sand; how ironic that the line was for him.
“I can assure you, this is real. I just have no interest in my partner remaining with me due to external obligations. If you decide to be with me, I want it to be solely because you want it, not for any other reason.”
“I guess… so that means no contracts? No strings of any sort?” Idia still seemed hesitant about the idea; it stung, but Azul couldn’t blame him.
“None,” He nodded. “Except for the fact that you have to be with me. It’s not the easiest job, I must admit.”
“Like I’m any better.” Idia joked. He was wrong; there would never be anything easier for Azul, he thought.
“Then… does that mean we’re in complete agreement?”
“I guess… We gotta stop debating this.”
Azul nodded, “Indeed. It isn’t the best look, is it?”
“No, it’s not.” He chuckled, but then it changed into a proper laugh, louder than any other sound he’d made. It was this that made other people stare. “You know, it would’ve been totally embarrassing if I’d told Muscle_Red that I finally got a bf, only for us to break up hours later!”
“Yes, I guess it would’ve,” Azul responded with a small laugh of his own.
Ruggie ran by the section, checking on tables, only to stop at Azul and Idia. “Hello lovebirds! You guys ordered anything yet?”
“I suppose not.” Azul realized. “Whatever you recommend, then. You know both of our tastes well.”
“Uhhh, okay then? I’ll be back, I guess…”
With that, the beastman ran off again, leaving the two of them to their own devices once more. The rest of the night was spent surrounded by jovial laughter; there was something about talking with Idia that just made him happy. It felt right, simple as that. Ruggie brought them food, and then drinks, and then some more drinks from his private reserve; the sweet ones he actually enjoyed, not the sharp, acidic whiskys he kept on display. They enjoyed the night, and the conversation that it brought until the two of them found themselves leaning upon each other as they slinked their way back to Azul’s room; Ignihyde would’ve been much too far, and it seemed rude to call upon Ortho. The android wasn’t a servant, as much as he probably would’ve been willing. It hadn’t even crossed Azul’s mind that the other had never seen his room. He should have been self-conscious about the place; it was messier than normal, if such an understatement could be considered correct, and there was a picture of him and Jade in merform on the desk. But, whether through the drink or the fact that it was Idia, he didn’t seem to care. For a night, at the very least, some things didn’t matter. The two of them collapsed on top of the bed in each other’s arms and their day clothes, more content than either of them can say they’d been in a long time.
Azul can say that he knows who he is and what he deserves, but the truth is that he never knew those things. Or, at least, not in regard to who he has become. The Azul that exists in his mind is both hollow and misshapen, a burden of a past that no longer exists or, perhaps, has been warped by insecurity into a memory that never existed in the first place. For someone to look at someone they love, and also see the way they see themself, to find complete opposites, is a burden few are able to bear. It is no surprise that some may leave from this realization. But they are not the totality of people that exist. There are some that see this and see the same thing reflected within themselves. In Idia’s case, this is what happened. To be loved is to be understood, at least to him. Azul knows what he deserves, but he also knows what he wants, and what he wants is Idia, and laughter, and understanding, and maybe a picnic where he eats whatever he wants and as much as he pleases.
Azul will always get what he wants.