Chapter Text
Diana stands at the top of the steps, telling her sister how her family is the perfect loving family. And how she loves every day. So her son’s a little shit, her husband's boring, and even though her daughter is a genius, she's a freak.
"Still I help them love each other, Father, mother, sister, brother. Cheek to cheek."
She was just about to respond to a joke her sister made when her daughter came down the stairs.
"Natalie, it's 4 in the morning, is everything alright?" This is not the time for her son sneaking in, and her daughter waking up.
Frazzled, and putting down a mountain of books, "Everything's great, why wouldn't it be great? It's great I've just got three more chapters of calculus, a physics problem set, a history quiz, and two more pages on floral imagery in Flowers in Algernon, which is just—duh Everything's so under control, it's just calm." she finishes, voice cracking, crushing a red bull can
"Okay, honey, you need to slow down and take some time for yourself," thinking an example may help she adds "I'm going to have sex with your father!"
While her mother dances up the stairs Natalie calls back "Great, thanks," she contemplates throwing up in the plant. It would be the first time it would get water in a month, "So glad I know that."
"So it's times like these I wonder how I take it, and if other families live the way we do," she mumbles, "If they love each other, or if they just fake it. And, if other daughters feel the way I feel too, 'cause some days I think I'm dying, but I'm really only trying to get through," Opening to the last two pages of Flowers in Algernon.
Gabe has to go down stairs again. It's too lonely in his room, even watching videos doesn't help. He needs to know that people will see him, that he's real.
He only reaches the staircase when he says the truth out loud.
"For just another day, for just another stolen hour, when the world will feel my power and obey."
Something is probably wrong anyways in him, and he doesn't have weeks left, and he's dying, his hearts beating too fast, he can see it if he lifts up his shirt, and he'll never interact with anyone again, and he'll never make a difference in the world, "For just another day," he hears Natalie say with him. This breaks him out of his spiral, and he's about to go ask Natalie if she's okay when the other sinking feeling starts, the one were he feels like he'll never be out of this torture, and he will live forever, still not being heard, somehow even Natalie didn't even hear him. He's breathing too fast now, sinking against the railing, clutching his chest when he hears his sister say, feeling like this feeling never goes away, actually calming himself down enough to say, funnily enough at the same time as Natalie, just another day.
This time he doesn't know if it sounds reassuring or not. Or even in what way he means it.
Then he hears his parents coming out of their room, and remembering his moms mom voice from last night, and scrambles to find a hind spot, before releasing if he stands behind their door they probably won't see him.
"That was great," He can hear his dad say, hoping the floor will open up, not caring if it swallows him or his parents, "Wasn't it, that was great. Christ, I'm late."
"Hmm," his mom whispers," That'll teach you to take a whole ten minutes."
Never mind, Gabe would like the floor to swallow everyone. Why wasn't he born deaf. But if he was born deaf then he couldn't hear the cars, and if he doesn't see one coming on a suburban street then-
"What was that?"
"I said it's a beautiful day, isn't it?."
"Um, ya, sure, it's cloudy, and raining, and really cold for September, but beautiful."
"Makes you wanna dive in with both feet, doesn't it?" he hears his mom say as she makes her way down stairs.
"Abousletyy," his father calls after her, then, more quietly, "I never know what she's talking about."
"When it's up to you to hold your house together, a house built with patience and with care, but you're grappling with gray and stormy weather, and you're living on a latte and a prayer, can you keep the cups from tipping? Can you keep your grip from slipping in despair? For just another day"
Gabe believes his mom really thinks like this too, but neither of his parents really know what to do with this feeling.
Finally his father makes his way down the stairs, while mumbling "In the hustle, and the hurry, you wipe your worry clean away," which Gabe tries to impersonate with people. He refuses to let others see what has him so worried about. Everyone in his family has their own problems, and they all are so much more important than his. And they all can be traced back to him.
His mother's episodes started after the obstruction, and professionals tell them that it happens because the stress was too much, and his father has to take care of that. Natalie is a genius, a prodigy in everything but sports, but he still believes that Natalie would win in a football game against him. So his little fits of worry aren't concerning, even though he could be dying at any point, and he never really knows if he wants to kill himself, or not find the elixir of life, which he is almost positive Natalie could make. For just another day though his family will get through.
Gabe rushes down the stairs to get his bag, hearing his mother say she'll keep all the plates spinning, with a smile so white and winning.
He then hears Natalie say what doesn't kill her just fills her up for just another day, and he knows he should comfort her but he was literally standing right there, why couldn't she see him. She would have said that if she knew he was there.
After Natalie leaves he walks into the kitchen and sees his mom, knowing that it only hurts when he's here for her.
"You're gonna be late, and you have a huge day today."
"You don't know what I do all day."
Jazz band before school, class, key club, then football."
He is actually surprised. Sure, he flunked out of jazz last year, but she got more right then he would have thought. Though, she either pays way too much attention to him or none. Which he supposed he should be happy of, Natalie gets none.
"Not bad."
"Mhmm, now get out of here."
She doesn't have to tell him twice, "Okay."
"Right before he exits the garage door he hears his mom say it only hurts when he goes.
Gabe almost out the door before having to jump out of the way for Natalie.
"Morning sunshine," but she ignores him, as usual.
Instead she says to mom and dad, "So, I got the date for my winter recital. Do you think you guys can come?" Both Natalie and him know he'll be the only one to show, but they are both hopeful about these things.
"Uh, yeah, we'll put it on the calendar," mom replies, biting into an apple.
"Mom, the calendar is still on April. Of last year."
"Mm, well," giving Natalie the previously bitten apple that probably has so many germs,"Happy Easter."
Natalie, dejected and grossed out after seeing mom spit out the apple she gave her, "Happy Easter, mom."
"Hey sweetheart," his dad says to Natalie.
"She's on fire this morning," Natalie shoots back in an instant.
"Oh, I know."
"EW"
He once again wishes for the floor to swallow him.
"Honey, can you do the shopping today? I'm slammed at work, and we're out of everything," His dad asks his mom. But, only gets "I keep cave clean. You go out, get fire," as a response.
"Uh, huh-huh, absolutely," before turning to him and Natalie, "Again, no clue."
Gabe hates this, how he is so angry at his mom for something she can't control, even though it always hurts for her, every breath hurts her. But, it hurts his father trying to help her. And, in turn can't help his kids. He knows Natalie can process this well, that she can't even cry 'cause she'll fall apart, and how he can't even think, because if he does he'll just go into a spiral, and if he spirals his mom might see. If his mom sees then she'll never stop watching him, not letting him have any privacy, and Natalie will get even less attention. And it's all his fault, he really should be dead, why wasn't he dead, but if he dies he won't live, which sounds self explanatory, but it's really not, and-
"It's a busy busy day," his mom says to no one, so Gabe knows she is starting a new episode. Hoping to stop it early he tries to tell her how bright the sun's shining, and it really is, if you squint, how the birds are singing, and things are growing but his mom can't hear him.
He wants to be back at the beach where he was last night, or anywhere really, that's not here.
He sees Natalie and goes to get her attention when he sees his mom making sandwiches on the floor. Paralysed he just barely catches everyone else looking.
"Diana?" his dad tries, "Diana, Diana."
"Ya?" his mom barely says. His dad was about to respond before telling them that they would be late for the bus. But, both him and Natalie are frozen in shock, which is weird because this isn't even the most shocking thing that's happened. Once, in the grocery store his mom started throwing cereal at an invisible person, yelling catch, and another time-
"Mom," he finally finds his voice, and walks towards her, but she cuts him off, saying everything is fine, and they will miss their bus. And, with that his dad shoos them out of the house.