Chapter Text
“Do you need anything else, Zo?” Tim asked softly, tugging the blanket over her.
She shook her head, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands.
He paused, his mouth thinning into a line in sympathy, and pressed a kiss to her forehead, squeezing her shoulder with one hand
She just avoided his gaze, picking at the threads in the blanket.
He knelt in front of her. “You know what I’m gonna ask.”
Her jaw worked, and then she nodded.
“Scale of zero to ten?” He started.
She kept her gaze fixed on the blanket. “One.”
He sighed, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Thank you for telling me.”
She shrugged, scratching at her cuticles until one bled. He gently covered her hands with his own.
“What does a one mean today, honey?”
She shrugged.
“Okay,” Tim nodded once. “Do you want to hurt yourself?” he asked.
She paused, and then nodded.
“Can I do an arm check?” he asked next.
Zoe swallowed, and nodded. She slid up both sleeves to her elbows.
Enough for Tim to see the fresh, red lines on her left wrist. Eight or so new ones.
He ran his thumb over them with a featherlight touch, his eyes flicking up to her and then back down to her wrists. He reached for her hoodie sleeves and pulled them down herself.
“Thank you, Zo,” he whispered, squeezing her hand.
Zoe didn’t react.
“Last one,” he added.
She didn’t move.
“Are you safe?”
She swallowed, looking down at her hands, and shook her head.
Tim let out a small breath, then immediately fixed his expression, looking back up at her.
“Do you have a suicide plan?” he asked quietly.
She shook her head.
“Do you have suicidal intent?”
She shook her head.
Tim exhaled, a small bit of relief sinking into him as he closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again. “You’re doing really good, baby,” he whispered.
He shifted a little so he was leaning on his knees.
“Okay, sweetheart,” he started. “Plan for today.”
He took a deep breath. Zoe barely registered him.
“You stay with Mom or me or another trusted adult at all times.”
Zoe nodded.
“We’ll do check-ins every hour, and see where we’re sitting.”
Another nod.
“If it gets worse, we might need to start thinking about hospital.”
Zoe looked down.
“In terms of the now, how do you feel about trying to get in for an emergency therapy appointment?”
Zoe paused, then nodded.
“Okay,” Tim affirmed. “Good.”
As he reached for his phone to call Zoe’s therapist, there was a knock at the door, and the captain poked her head in.
“Hi, Tim,” she said. “You got a second?”
Tim glanced over at Zoe. The captain followed his gaze.
“Oh, hi, Zoe, honey, no one told me you were here. I would’ve come to say hi if I’d known,” she smiled. “You okay if I take your dad for a second?”
She took a deep breath, and nodded.
“You sure?” Tim affirmed.
Zoe nodded again. “Go, dad. I’ll be fine. It’s just a few minutes, right?”
He avoided her eyes. “I’ll be right outside if you need me, baby.”
He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and stood up, following the captain outside.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you Zoe was here, I should’ve called you this morning, I—“
“Tim,” the captain interrupted, smiling in that kind way people did when they wanted to let you know you weren’t in trouble. “It’s okay, seriously.”
Tim exhaled, dipping his head. “Of course. Sorry.”
The captain rolled her eyes, but she wasn’t annoyed. “You and your wife need to stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault.”
Tim chuckled. “Yeah, probably.”
He looked up again. “What did you need me for?”
The captain nodded. “Yeah, Metro’s doing a raid with the detectives this afternoon and they need to coordinate with you to get a couple patrol officers out there to help out. Lieutenant Pine is just in the briefing room at the moment.”
Tim nodded, then looked at Zoe, who was sitting with her knees tucked up to her chest, her chin resting atop her hands on her knees. “She’s a one today,” he whispered. “I can’t—she can’t be by herself today.”
The captain nodded. “I figured that. I can stay with her.”
Tim turned to face her. “I-I couldn’t ask you to do that,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll call Lucy or Lopez.”
“Lucy’s out with SWAT, coordinating that hostage situation on LaBrea, and Lopez is helping with this Metro operation. They need you, Tim. Zoe and I will be fine.”
Tim still looked conflicted, so the captain pushed open the door, gesturing for Tim to head in first.
Tim knelt in front of Zoe again, searching her face for a reason he shouldn’t leave her.
“You have to go,” Zoe murmured quietly.
Tim looked down, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I do. But if you need me here, I will—I will find someone else, I—“
“Dad,” Zoe said firmly. “I’m assuming the captain’s in here because she offered to stay with me?”
Tim let out a half-laugh, shaking his head. “You’re too smart, Zo.”
Zoe didn’t react. “You can go, Dad. I’ll be fine.”
Tim sucked in a breath, nodding mostly to reassure himself. “I’m here if—“
“If I need you. I know. I’m good.”
Tim stood, stooping momentarily to kiss her head, and walked out of his office.
The captain came to sit beside Zoe carefully, not too close, and not too comfortably, careful not to make her feel like she wasn’t meant to be here.
“Hey, Zoe,” she said carefully.
Zoe didn’t meet her eyes. “Hi,” she replied, her shoulders curling inward.
The captain smiled reassuringly. “I’ve got two options for you, and whichever one works better for you, you let me know, okay?”
Zoe didn’t move.
“First one - we go to my office. I’ve got a bigger couch than your dad does, and an epic snack collection, and it’s a little quieter up there. You can bring all your stuff up there, too.”
Zoe looked down. “And option two?”
The captain dipped her head to meet Zoe’s gaze. “We stay here, I move your Dad’s meeting to my office. Whatever you want to do, I’m fine with it. Up to you.”
“Really?” Zoe asked. “You’d be okay if we stayed here?”
The captain nodded. “Of course, Zoe. Whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. And your dad will do whatever you need, as well.”
Zoe fiddled with her hands in her lap, then looked up, her eyes tired and dim. “Are you okay if we stay here?”
The captain nodded, smiling warmly. “Of course, sweetheart.” She exhaled, keeping her eyes on Zoe, and her voice dropped. “Do you want me to get someone to grab my snacks anyway?”
A half-smile appeared on Zoe’s face, which the captain counted as a win.
“Thank you,” Zoe murmured, looking up. “I’m not really hungry, though.”
The captain winked. “You just let me know if you want anything.”
She leaned back into the couch. “Okay,” she declared. “Since I’m gonna be staying here for a while, a question for you.”
Zoe swallowed, keeping her eyes down.
“I know it’s probably not helpful for me to ask what you need. That’s something your dad told me, actually, when I asked him about it,” she added thoughtfully.
“So I’m gonna give you some options - like before. Whatever you want. grab some paperwork from my office and I’ll sit on that chair”—she pointed to one of the wooden chairs in front of Tim’s desk, intended for visitors and the occasional one-on-one Tim, and Grey before him, had given—“and we can do quiet.”
The captain tucked her foot under her, the same way Lucy did when she was talking. “We can talk about how you’re feeling, what’s going through your head. I don’t have much experience with what you’re going through, I’ll be honest, but sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone you don’t know that well. And I promise, none of what you say to me will get back to your dad unless I’m really certain that you’re in danger.“
Zoe exhaled, tucking her hoodie sleeves over her hands.
“The last one - I give you a distraction. We talk about all of the rumours I’ve heard about this station, and you can clear them up for me - because I’m pretty sure you’ve spent more time here than I have.” She shrugged. “I’ve only been here for two months.”
Zoe leaned back into the couch. “Can we do the last one?”
The captain smiled. “Of course, sweetheart. And if there’s anything you don’t want to talk about, or even if you don’t want to talk, just let me know, okay? I’ve got some card games stashed upstairs, too.”
The captain noticed Zoe hadn’t moved in a while.
“Why are you this nice?” Zoe asked, after a minute. There was no venom in her tone, just…surprise.
The captain gave her a sympathetic face, and crossed her other leg underneath her body so she was sitting cross legged facing Zoe. “I’ve heard, a little from your parents, and a little from Lieutenant Grey about what the station was…like before I was here.”
Zoe dipped her head.
“That’s not the station I want to run,” she added softly. “I just…think that this job doesn’t work when the officers have to choose between being parents and being cops.”
She smiled, looking thoughtfully at Tim’s desk. “Sometimes that means I’m coordinating a raid.”
She looked at Zoe, shrugging. “Sometimes that means…sitting with someone’s kid.”
“Really?” Zoe asked.
“Really,” the captain nodded.
“You’re not going to tell me the station isn’t a daycare?”
The captain drew her eyebrows together. “Someone said that to you?”
Zoe shrugged.
The captain laughed in disbelief, her jaw working. “Wow. Okay. That’s…worse than I thought.”
The captain fiddled with her hands in her lap. “Your parents do a hard job. I know that. But they’re also parents to three…pretty incredible children.”
Zoe’s jaw tightened, and she looked to the side.
The captain watched her for a moment.
“That wasn’t…that wasn’t the right thing to say, was it?”
Zoe didn’t react.
“I don’t really know what to say here,” the captain admitted, letting out a weak laugh. “There’s not really a protocol for this. But I’m very open to feedback.”
The corner of Zoe’s mouth twitched.
The captain smiled in response.
“Now,” she said, her tone serious. “I need an answer for this one. What the hell does Smitty do all day?”
Zoe snorted, then covered her face.
The captain grinned.
Zoe’s eyes flicked up to her. “We’ve been trying to figure that out for years. Not even Mom and Dad know.”
The captain laughed, tipping her head back, before bringing her gaze to focus on Zoe again.
“Okay,” she said. “Who’s actually in charge? Because I feel like it definitely isn’t me.”
Zoe nodded once, and readjusted her legs. “Mom and Dad, for sure. Lieutenant Grey, too. But he’s not around so much, anymore, so Mom and Dad.”
She scoffed. “They command the bullpen with their impeccable sense of justice and their flirting.” Zoe rolled her eyes.
The captain pursed her lips, trying to hold back a laugh. “I…I had noticed that.”
“They don’t even know they’re doing it, half the time,” Zoe shrugged. “They literally don’t have another way to communicate. Other than making out.”
“Okay, ew, didn’t need that,” the captain frowned, trying to contain her smile.
“You’re telling me you haven’t seen them kiss?” Zoe asked.
The captain opened her mouth, then paused. Closed it.
“…Yes,” she admitted. “I have.”
“How many times? How many times in two months?” Zoe rolled her eyes, leaning back on the couch.
The captain counted on her fingers. “One…five…eight…fourteen?”
Zoe tipped her head back in frustration. “Ugh. Please tell them to stop it. They’ll listen to you. They won’t listen to me.”
The captain chuckled.
As the two of them controlled their laughter, Tim knocked on the door and pushed it open. “Hey,” he said. “Am I interrupting?”
Zoe shook her head. “No. We were just talking about how many times you and Mom have made out at work.”
Tim gestured outside. “Yeah, no, I’m just gonna—“
Zoe reached for his hand and dragged him inside. “Idiot.”
Tim laughed. “You feeling a bit better?”
Zoe sobered a little. “Yeah,” she replied quietly. “I am.”
The captain stood up, her hands coming to rest in the pockets of her pants. “I’ll give you two some space,” she said.
Zoe smiled as the captain walked out, and Tim caught her eye.
Thank you, he mouthed.
She just nodded once, and walked out to the bullpen, where Lucy had appeared.
“Lieutenant Chen,” the captain greeted her, nodding.
“Captain,” Lucy nodded in return, moving past her swiftly. She gestured to Tim’s office. “Is—“
The captain nodded. “Tim and Zoe are in there now.”
Lucy nodded gratefully.
The captain just smiled as the door closed behind Lucy.