Chapter Text
“Hey noob, you ever thought about dating again? ◡̈ ”
Noob rolled their eyes at the off handed comment. Veeronica loved to jab at them for being single despite being what she called ‘a total catch.’
“My answer is still the same as the other twelve times you’ve asked.”
“Come on noob you’re the hottest person I know, why are you wasting all that hotness? ( ˘▽˘)っ”
Noob rolled their eyes again but it was sweet how much Vee tried to bolster their confidence. They had made one self-deprecating joke around her and ever since then she would take every opportunity she could to compliment them or even (very jokingly) flirt with them on occasion.
“So remind me one more time what we’re doing again. I wasn't listening the other three times. (¬‿¬)” Vee jabbed them playfully in the ribs. Noob sighed.
“We’re doing a paranormal investigation after the supposed death of the legendary 1x1x1x1. I want to at least try and talk to them.”
“So we’re summoning a demon, cool beans! ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )”
“You know what, s-sure why the hell not.”
Noob looked around, they weren’t entirely familiar with the SFOTH grounds, they’d always been more of a Doors person. It was still a little messy. It had been closed ever since telamon fought 1x1x1x1, many of the pillars had collapsed and were under reconstruction, really the only thing that seemed untouched was the fire ring, which was odd because supposedly that was where most of the combat took place. Vee inhaled deeply or at least stretched out and pretended to take a deep breath considering she didn’t need to breathe.
“Ah sword fighting on the heights, I’ve missed this place! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)” she put her fists comfortably on her hips. Vee claimed to be an expert at SFOTH and considering Noob had never played and that Vee almost never lied, they had no reason not to believe her.
“It’s really messed up tho. (⇀‸↼‶)” she mumbled
“Y-yeah, really messed up.” noob tried to envision how bad it might have looked during the fight itself. Vee grabbed Noob’s shoulder and pointed to the center of the fire ring.
“Yo noob look it’s a venom shank! It’s just sitting there like excalibur. (>'o')>”
“Huh u-um, well I would recommend we definitely don’t touch it, I feel like that’s how we become horror movie protagonists.”
Veronica saluted them animatedly. “Yessir! (•‿•)7”
“Okay I’m gonna set up my camera and stuff, wanna be my spirit box?” Noob Jabbed playfully
“Do you only see me as a machine!? That’s robot racist! ರ<ರ” Vee gasped clutching her chest in such a way that almost made Noob snort.
“C-could you help me set up the tripod?”
“Okay! （＾ω＾）”
That mood switch needed to be studied. Noob had set their stuff down in the fire ring, a good place to start. As Veeronica stepped over the threshold of the fire ring it ignited inky shadows leaked from the venomshank. Vee’s screen filled with green static and almost instantly, she powered down.
“Vee? Vee!” Noob scrambled over to her and braced her before she could fully fall over. Tentatively they hit her power button to turn her back on.
“Virus detected, running anti virus protocol.” It was Veeronica’s voice, but flat and completely monotone. A little hour glass began to flip over itself on her screen as she rebooted. Except soon it wasn’t an hour glass, again green static began to fill her screen and the hour glass shifted into a symbol ‘1x’ then it duplicated over and over 1x1x1x1. Slowly those four symbols shifted into something new, a conceptual rendering of a 4D cube.
“Turn around.” The voice came through Veeronica’s speakers but it wasn’t hers. Slowly, very slowly they turned around. The inky shadows leaking from the venomshank had taken on the form of a person, a person with a shattered dominion crown. It was him. His form flickered and melted in on itself like liquid fire but it was undeniable. 1x1x1x1 stared down at Noob with something akin to regal disdain.
“How dare you intrude on my battlefield.” Again he spoke through Veeronica’s speakers.
“L-let go of my friend.” Noob stuttered, but they immediately regretted it. How stupid was it to tell a master swordsman and a god of all things, even a dead one, what to do. However 1x1x1x1 didn’t seem offended, they seemed amused.
“Oh you have some bravery about you?” They laughed heartily. “You didn’t immediately cower in fear, I like that!”
Noob blinked and then decided maybe it would be okay to roll with it straightened up.
“L-look we’re sorry for trespassing o-or whatever but like, I mean we’re just investigating.”
“Hmm yes I can tell you are an investigator, your robotic friend though not so much.” a sharp grin split across their face. “She has no respect for the dead, since she can’t truly die, I thought I might give her the experience!”
“W-what! No!” Noob exclaimed in pure terror.
“Yes!” they cackled back. “Right now I’m inside her system and in the blink of an eye I could wipe her entire hard drive if I so desired!”
“No no please I’ll do anything!”
That gave the shadowy monarch pause.
“Anything you say?”
“U-um yeah?” noob stuttered suddenly, very unsure of themself.
“Well now that’s an intriguing offer. I suppose I could demand you become my loyal servant or something typical like that, perhaps make you trade your life for hers.” They tapped their chin thoughtfully though something told Noob they were toying with them.
“Pick up the venomshank.”
“E-excuse me?”
“You heard me human, pick up the venomshank, bring it home with you and I’ll spare your friend.” 1x1x1x1 waved as if saying to get on with it.
“B-but why?” Noob spluttered
“That’s simple, I’m stuck to this sword and I’m so god damn bored here I want to tear my own eyes out, now pick up the sword or I’ll wipe your friend’s hard drive.”
Quickly noob stumbled over and tried to pull the venomshank out of the ground. It was stuck really deep in there but with a big pull they managed to pull it out and fall right down on their ass.
“Ha!” was the last thing 1x1x1x1 said before Veeronica suddenly started rebooting.
“Gods I feel awful (* ´ ﹃｀*)” Vee said in her own voice. “What happened?( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)”
“Um… a lot, let’s get you home.”