Chapter Text
Rainbow Dash could run 5 miles in ten minutes without even being out of breath, usually. It was the reason Applejack had wanted to be her friend in the first place, and Rainbow took pride in being the only girl throughout both middle school and high school to beat AJ in almost every sport that there was. Today, though, the tequila sat wrong in her stomach. She was out of breath and vomiting after only two angry laps around the field.
She curled up by the bleachers, next to the puddle of stomach acid and tequila, and silently sobbed for a moment. She was incapable of crying real tears, which was just more frustrating, so her sobs were occasionally interrupted by quiet growls of anger. This wasn’t fair. Applejack must’ve thought she was such an angel for caring so much, she thought she knew exactly what Rainbow should be doing at all times, but she was just selfish. Why couldn’t Rainbow Dash just make one decision for herself? As the sobbing died down, Rainbow wiped the puke from her lips with the cuff of her sleeve - she recognised that this was probably gross, but it didn’t matter, She was sick - everyone should give her a break for once. She hugged her knees and stared at the grass beneath her - every thought running through her mind had hints of apple. Even when she thought about drinking (as she often did), she recognised that the lonely root of it all was AJ’s absence. The truly frustrating part of this minor lapse is that Applejack wasn’t absent this time. She hadn’t wanted to leave Rainbows side once since senior year. For the first time, Rainbow really had just been drinking to have fun for once - didn’t she deserve that?
“Rainbow Dash?”
Rainbows head shakily peered up as Twilight and Sunset approached her.
“We were so worried! Applejack wouldn’t tell us what was wrong, we’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
Rainbow thanked whatever god there was that Applejack hadn’t shared this with anyone else. She was already furious that the cowgirl wanted to control her life, she didn’t need anyone else weighing in. She peered at the puddle beside her.
“I’m just a bit sick, no biggie.”
Twilight looked relieved to know it was most likely just another winter virus going around, but Sunset’s face remained doubtful.
“Are you sure? Applejack looked really worried.”
“The evidence is right there, Sunset! Don’t you worry, Dash. We’ll get you home and in bed and I’ll get AJ to make you some soup!”
Dash smiled weakly. There was no getting out of this now, and Twilight looked too excited to help her friend for Dash to say she was fine. Okay, those were kind of excuses. In reality, Rainbow Dash would really just love to lay in bed for a while instead of going to her afternoon classes. She was sick, after all.
Rainbow dropped onto her bed the moment she walked into her room; she had a headache from her silent cry session and a stomach ache from hunger. She knew that now would be a good time to eat something, but all she really wanted to do was sleep. She gazed at the bottle peeking out of her bag - she had probably thrown up any that was still in her system, but it was already a fourth of the way empty and she wasn’t made of money.
“Dash?”
Rainbows head perked up at the sound of a southern accent - she then remembered she was mad, choosing to redirect her focus to the wall in front of her. She felt a weight on her bed, accompanied with a guilty sigh, as the blonde layed next to her.
“Rare didn’t tell me anything.”
Rainbow remained silent.
“You can do what you want, Dash. I know it’s personal, I’m sorry. I just… I never want to see you in hospital again.”
“…”
“You’re my best friend, Dashie.”
Rainbow turned her head to meet Applejack’s eyes. She knew it was silly to stay mad now that she was offered an apology, but for some reason she was.
“I deserve to be normal. My life doesn’t revolve around that one night.”
“I know. I know.” Applejack broke eye contact. It was clear she meant her apology, Rainbow recognised that.
“It’s different this time, AJ.” Rainbow gave up on eye contact too, instead choosing to stare at the tanned, freckled skin of Applejack’s bicep. She was essentially sober now, but she didn’t stop herself from reaching out to feel the warm arm in front of her; she had been too lonely recently to intentionally deny herself human contact. Applejack manoeuvred herself to hold Rainbows cold hand without any change of expression.
“Is it? If I’ve done something-“
“You haven’t. I just- I want to have fun. I wanted to have fun.”
“Okay, I trust you, Dash.”
They were comfortably silent for a moment before Rainbow pulled her eyes away from Applejacks skin to meet her eyes - which were already gazing at her, scanning her face. The frown of concern and guilt residing on Applejack’s soft lips had shifted into a hesitant smile, her brows still furrowed but less harshly - Rainbow, in a normal best friend way, wanted her to be closer; she wanted to take in every pore and freckle as if she hadn’t spent years memorising them. AJ sat back up.
“Y’know, Rainbow, about Rarity…”
Rainbow snapped out of her dream-like trance, sitting up along with the blonde and winding up 2 inches shorter.
“Oh. I don’t care if you are back together.”
“No, don’t be silly I don’t- …I wouldn’t do that to you. That’s not what I was gonna say”
“Oh. Okay. What, then?”
“I know she was awful about you. Trust me, I’ve held a grudge too, but she is still our friend.”
“Oh yeah, totally, I wouldn’t hold a grudge!”
Applejack didn’t even try to hide her smirk, seeing right through her. Rainbow wasn’t totally lying, she didn’t mind Rarity really, they hung out almost every day. She just felt differently when Applejack did the same - it almost felt like a betrayal when it was her.
“She’s changed, Dash. I just wanted to remind you. But she will never, ever, hold a candle to you - you don’t need to fret, sugarcube.”
Rainbow felt almost giddy at this reassurance; she wanted Applejack to be happy, obviously she did, but only with her. Neither of them needed relationships - they would only take away precious time from their friendship.
Applejack hesitated for a second, looking at Rainbow’s eyes, then her lips, then her arms, before finally ending the interaction with a pat on Rainbows shoulder (a hug would’ve been ideal, but that sufficed).
Rainbow watched as Applejack left the room before twiddling her thumbs. That was nice and all, but now she was bored. She couldn’t have any more to drink, she’d just promised to be normal for once, but was there anything else to do? A puzzle maybe? The tequila sat in her bag, staring at her, and she just had to sit and endure it. It was either that or sleep and she was still hungry. Oh, of course, she could just get something to eat - but she had no snacks in the house, and cooking sober was the equivalent of watching paint dry. She had no choice but to give in and drink, really; it was important if she wanted to eat. She reached over her unmade bed and grabbed the handle from her bag. It was just a little, she had already thrown up the alcohol from earlier so it was fair game, really. As she opened the cap and held the bottle to her lips, trying to ignore the smell of the tequila, she heard a scoff from her doorway. She immediately hid the bottle behind her back, spilling a drop on her blankets, and looked up to see Applejack holding a bowl of soup.
“No, wait please, this didn’t count.”
She meant it, too. She didn’t even drink it yet, and she was only actually drinking it to cook, and food was more important than alcohol, so really Applejack should be glad that-
“Whatever, Rainbow Dash.”
Applejack placed the bowl on Rainbows dresser and left the room, almost slamming the door as she exited. Rainbow, finally, felt her eyes watering up. She wasn’t even sad, she wasn’t mad at Applejack or upset over her actions - she had just been given homemade soup, for goodness sake - she was just so, incredibly, disappointed in herself.
The soup went cold as Rainbow neglected any prior hunger and chose to cry herself to sleep.
———————————-
When Rainbow woke up, the sun had already set. She checked the time, 2:34 am, and noticed that she was absolutely starving. Her soup was the opposite of appetising at this point, but she knew that Applejack couldn’t cook anything that wasn’t in bulk, so she forced herself out of bed and into the kitchen to heat up any leftovers. She lost her appetite when she saw Rarity leaning on the counter, drinking a sweet apple acres branded bottle of cider.
“Rainbow Dash! How delightful to see you! I heard you were under the weather.”
It took a moment for Rainbow to splutter out a response (something along the lines of ‘I’m better now, thanks’) because she wasn’t sure if she was still dreaming or not. Why was Rarity here? She didn’t even live in the dorms, she was very vocal with her choice to get her own apartment.
“So… why are you here?” Rainbow meant for that to be more natural than it was, but she didn’t care enough to make it seem casual. This was her home, after all, not Rarity’s.
“Oh! Applejack invited me! She was simply distraught, I just left her room so that she could change into her pyjamas.”
What. The. Fuck.
The words “She will never hold a candle to you” replayed in her mind again. Applejack rarely lies, but old habits die hard - even when those habits are girlfriends. She went through the five stages of grief in a matter of seconds, almost wanting to be angry at Rarity for being here, but Applejack was right when she said that Rarity had changed. Rarity, despite the things she had said in senior year, was a genuinely good person now. Rainbow had to be too.
“Oh that’s chill, I was just getting some soup.”
“Well don’t let me stop you! Apple should be changed by now, anyway. Oh, and Rainbow?”
“What’s up?”
“Just remember, one day at a time.”
Rainbows eye twitched as Rarity left the kitchen. Oh, so that’s how it was. Applejack, despite acknowledging that this was personal, despite saying that Rarity wouldn’t replace her, had now spread her deepest secret to the one girl who has openly shamed her for it. She stared at the bottle of cider left on the kitchen counter - fine. If Applejack could betray her, Rainbow could too. She chugged the half-empty bottle in a matter of seconds before heating up her soup. She was absolutely starving at this point, and when it was finally warm enough to scarf down (which she promptly did), she still felt the burning anger of AJ’s betrayal in her chest. She needed something to take her mind off of this, and for the first time since 9th grade, she felt above turning to alcohol. What she needed to do was play the same game as Applejack - she was going to have a hookup.
It was now 2:48 am and, with classes in the morning, she had to assume that most people were asleep. Everyone except Soarin, that was. Soarin was some guy on her track team that had been asking Rainbow out since freshman year and he regularly slept through their 9 am classes. She messaged him a ‘Hey, u up?’ Message and got a reply within two minutes. She found herself throwing on a pair of sneakers, taking a few shots (pre drinking for a hookup is not the same as drinking to cope), and leaving the house before 3 am hit.
——————————-
Soarin’s dorm smelled like steak, that was the main thing Rainbow noticed as he was kissing her. Soarin himself smelled like axe body spray. It was fine, she didn’t care much, she was just noticing it.
His posture was bad, especially for a runner, and when he failed to lift Rainbow onto his crumpled bedsheets she recognised that he was nowhere near as muscular as Applejack.
Wait, no, Applejack sucks. Focus on Soarin.
He wasn’t bad at what he was doing - his thin lips were wet, and Rainbow did not appreciate that fact when he was kissing every inch of skin he could reach - but his penis wasn’t the smallest she’d seen. She was so trapped in her head that she couldn’t seem to enjoy the moment, he could barely force himself in her when she was this sober and she could barely kiss him back when he was this pathetic. Rainbow hooked up with men with the expectation that they would just do the deed and move on, Soarin was her least favourite type of hookup - he would take breaks from kissing her to say ‘You’re so beautiful’ and what was she meant to say? ‘Thanks, yeah.’ ? She knew she was pretty. She didn’t need reminders every minute.
She felt like she was probably failing at this too, she was laying there like a piece of fruit. She thought back to Rarity and the original motivation for this hookup. She thought about Applejack. That was enough to make her kiss Soarin back harder, angrier, and take his position on top.
Fuck Applejack; she was evil and backstabbing. I bet she’s so happy that Rarity was there for her in her time of need, because of course this was all about her. For fucks sake, Rainbow didn’t even actually drink the tequila. She’d only had tequila because it was the grossest alcohol, so it wasn’t like she hadn’t been trying. She wondered if Rarity and Applejack were hooking up right now. Probably. Not that she cared that Applejack was a lying-
“Rainbow Dash? Maybe a bit gentler?”
Rainbow looked down at Soarin. Oh, right, she forgot he was there. She positioned her spine uncomfortably so that she could kiss him while riding; she hadn’t really considered beforehand that he’d be able to see her face as she was zoning out. She’d be embarrassed if she actually cared what he thought. Not that he wasn’t a nice guy - she was sure he was fine - but he was the one who wanted her, not the other way around.
It didn’t take long before Soarin had finished and was begging Rainbow to let him help her out. Might as well she thought - it’s not like she had anything better to do. It proved a more difficult task than getting Soarin off was, probably because her mind was clouded with thoughts of Applejack and Rarity, and it was 4 am by the time they were both done with the whole experience.
“You know, you could stay if you wanted.” Soarin seemed sheepish as he offered this and although it was a kind offer, Rainbow was exhausted, sober, and rediscovering that sex does not make her any less lonely.
“Nah I’m good, man. Peace.” Rainbow fist-bumped Soarin before leaving, (which she thought should be a more normalised goodbye after a hookup) and makes the short walk from his dorm to hers.
Rainbow made no effort to be quiet when she got home - she was already a naturally loud person, but part of this was an intentional act of deviance to disturb Applejack - or Rarity, if she was still spending the night. Her act of rebellion failed to consider her other other three roommates.
“Rainbow?”
Twilight stumbled into the kitchen in a woollen robe while rubbing her tired eyes, clearly being awoken from the slam of the door. Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck - whoopsy! Twilight found her 8 hours of sleep crucial, she was grumpy and irritable without it, and Rainbow expected a lecture for being the disturbance that would ruin her Friday. Twilight spent a moment glaring at Rainbow before her expression changed with a gasp.
“You were having a hook up!”
“Twilight! Not so loud, you’ll wake everyone up.” (‘Everyone’ basically just referred to Pinkie and Sunset - she couldn’t care less about AJ.)
“I didn’t know that you were sexually active! This is great! You know, Rainbow, it’s important for socialisation to experience these relationships during teenage years. I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were seeing someone! What’s her name?”
“I’m not seeing him, he’s just - wait, she?”
“Sexually active relationships can also help decrease cortisol and sometimes even prevent illnesses - wait, weren’t you sick?”
“I felt better. Did you think I was with a girl?”
“Feeling better doesn’t always mean the illness is gone, it’s important to avoid kissing or sex for a week after you feel better to avoid-“
“You know I’m not gay, right?”
Twilight stopped her rant on sexual relationships, thank god, and stared at Rainbow for a second instead.
“Oh! Well, I knew that!” Twilights uncomfortable laugh shows that she clearly did not know that. Rainbows eyebrows furrowed - it was true that Twilight hadn’t known the group in the moments where Rainbow had hooked up with random men, but why would she assume she was a lesbian? Why not assume she was asexual, or even just single? Was it because Applejack was a lesbian? People can be friends without sharing a sexuality.
“Right, well, you did just interrupt my sleep which is crucial for optimal brain function, so I’m going back to sleep.”
Twilight scurried out of the kitchen, leaving Rainbow Dash with a jumble of questions. Rainbow had never even kissed a girl, except Pinkie at a party last year, and that’s just because they were dared to. She didn’t have much excitement in the experience, anyway. The only girls she cared about were her friends - why would anyone assume she was a lesbian?
She put this assumption down to Twilight’s usual lack of social understanding - she probably just saw her kiss Pinkie that one time without knowing the context. Rainbow dragged herself over to her room, dropped onto her bed and stopped thinking about it.