Chapter Text
Lapis held Peridot's hand frequently. Whenever they'd go walking with Pumpkin, passing each other in Little Homeworld during class hours, on nights where separate beds felt too lonely. Fleeting touches without the need to linger, knowing that Peridot would still be there to hold her hand when she needed it. It was fine.
This was not.
She felt the desire to cling to Peridot with a desperation she'd only felt a handful of times before. An insatiable, monstrous hunger that felt like it would swallow her whole if she spent even a moment without the grounding, addicting, desperate contact. Something was very wrong.
"…How are you feeling, Lapis?"
The typically nasally, jovial voice that would warble freely from Peridot's throat, felt… different. Just hearing her name in such a tender tone made her chest seize, the grip on Peridot's hand tightening substantially, prying a hiss from her throat.
"It feels like you're the only thing that matters."
"Well, I'm not." Peridot muttered through gritted teeth.
"What's wrong?"
Peridot winced and balled her free hand into a fist, "Nothing. Nothing at all."
"Peridot, we promised to tell each other things. No more fear. No more lies."
Peridot was silent, her grip on Lapis' hand wavering ever so slightly. Lapis craned her neck to get a better look at Peridot's face. It was scrunched up with irritation in a way that Lapis had only seen a few times before, but never directed at her. Her brows furrowed, guilt seizing her chest.
"I love you."
"Will you stop saying things you don't mean?"
Peridot hissed under her breath, her hands shaking from frustration. Lapis winced, watching as Peridot pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand. What am I doing?
"Do you think… I don't love you?"
Peridot growled and stomped her foot, bringing the both of them to a halt.
"No, I know you do, just—" her face flushed with embarrassment and she clawed at her hair, "—not like this!"
She gestured broadly to Lapis, who was still staring deeply into Peridot's eyes. I can't focus, she's just so— so wonderful.
"It's absurd. I know you, and this isn't you!" A frustrated growl left Peridot's throat burning, "I'm just… frustrated. Frustrated at myself for not being more careful, for not being quick enough to warn you, to protect you, I…"
"Peridot!" Garnet called back to her, gesturing for her to keep walking. Peridot met Garnet's eyes (probably — it was hard to tell behind her reflective lenses) and found that her face held the slightest hint of… guilt? Pity? Embarrassment from witnessing such a ridiculous display? Regardless, Peridot grimaced and followed, her firm grip dragging Lapis along.
The rest of the walk continued in silence, save for the quiet song Lapis was humming against the back of Peridot's head. She didn't question Garnet upon their arrival at the warp pad, nor the fact that they warped to a very terrifyingly steep cliffside. Lapis' wings unfurled from her gem and she clung harder to Peridot, no longer humming. While the sensation typically comforted Peridot — now, it only felt constricting.
The air was heavy with dark, thick smoke that blocked out the sun. Basalt columns towered over the three of them, making Peridot feel smaller than she already was. The location wasn't what unsettled her, though. She cautiously swapped placed with Lapis, hand still intertwined with hers but now standing behind her.
Even as she struggled to see through the fog and the tint of her lenses, the thin trails of pink on Lapis' gem began to spiderweb further to the sides, as if she were cracking from the inside-out.
Logically, that's not the case, because Steven would have been able to heal that kind of injury, Peridot frowned, furrowing her brows, but his healing didn't work. She's still… sick.
Lapis sensed her roommate's discomfort and squeezed her hand, the grip a bit stronger than intended causing her to wince. Lapis flinched in return, feeling as though the pain rippled back into her own hand.
I need to keep my head on straight, A flicker of clarity permeated the fog of Lapis' mind, She needs me to be here.
Lapis pointedly disregarded the thought that squirmed in the back of her head, shivering down the base of her skull and down her spine: You're not hers, though.
Her grip tightened. Peridot growled and pushed her away.
"We're here." Garnet's voice cut through the tension, startlingly loud against the silence of the cliffside.
There was a sloping tunnel carved intricately into the cliff, entrance shaped like a perfect square. Warmth blasted from the inside, the waves of heat visibly warping the air in front of them. Her palms were already slick with sweat.
She discreetly glanced back at Lapis, who appeared more anxious than she already had been. She was gnawing at her lip, grip wavering against Peridot's shoulder.
"You're gonna be fine. I'll fix this."
As Lapis' eyes met hers, the worry seemed to melt away into something that — while at any other time Peridot would find endearing — made her shudder involuntarily. Lapis' chest visibly swelled with a shaky breath and her face lit up, but there was still something dark hidden underneath.
"You've always been pretty good at fixing things, huh?" Her eyes were half-lidded, but the vibrant pink rings around her pupils were still strikingly bright. "Of course I'll be fine. I trust you."
Peridot only snickered under her breath in response, turning to follow Garnet down into the sweltering corridor. Lapis' chin returned to its place softly nestled in the smaller gem's unruly nest of hair.
She recognized the sharp sound of steel on steel within seconds. Bismuth often made weapons when she was stressed, and now was a good a time as any. Without a moment to think, she tore herself from Lapis' arms and darted the rest of the way down the hall, leaping up and into Bismuth's arms with a cackle of excitement.
"Woah, cool your jets! I'm not gonna disappear." She laughed, hearty as ever, and peeled Peridot off her chest with her normal hand.
"Everything's crazy!" Peridot burst out, wiggling in Bismuth's grip until she was placed back on the ground, "Garnet interrupted my class, informing me of some sort of urgent task—"
Peridot was cut short as she finally began to take in her surroundings. Stone tanks that seemed to hold various minerals lined most of the walls, which also had an assortment of weapons hanging above them rather precariously. Barrels were scattered about, also containing smaller weapons: daggers, small maces, flails, and the odd quiver.
Peridot felt this place was very familiar.
She raised her hand to speak, only to have her arm snatched ferociously away — if she were organic, there would be a bruise. Peridot recognized her roommate's warmth before she even felt the gem's blue curls drape over her face. Arms coiled around her midsection, suffocatingly tight.
"Don't. Don't. Don't. Stop." There was a tremor to her hushed voice. As Peridot looked up, she saw that Lapis' teeth were gritted and she looked to be on the verge of tears. "Don't take her. Not again."
"Woah, Blue!" Bismuth raised her hands placatingly, brows furrowed in confusion with a hint of fear. "Nobody's takin' her. Shit, G… I didn't expect it to be this bad already."
"Th— this bad? It can get worse?" Peridot held her hands over Lapis' shaking ones, attempting to soothe her. Lapis wasn't herself, but she was still Peridot's to protect.
"Well, everything can get worse—" Garnet cleared her throat at Bismuth, who flinched, "—I mean, not that it's gonna, just that we're in the clear right now."
Upon setting her eyes on Lapis' tense form, Bismuth sucked in a breath and picked at her hairline, "Uh, mostly. Y' do know who I am, right?"
Lapis took in a sharp breath, nodding shakily. Guilt etched its way onto her face.
Peridot felt her face scrunch up in irritation as she stopped squeezing Lapis' hands. "Well, if we're 'in the clear,' what was so urgent that you needed me to cancel class to come… here?" Guilt wracked her form as she spoke with a bitter voice, but Bismuth shot her an understanding glance.
"The artifact."
Bismuth took a few steps to the side, revealing the storage unit dunked in lava to its halfway point. Before Peridot could open her mouth, Garnet answered her question, "We're trying to keep it online so you can take a look. The heat seems to sustain its power, so Bismuth's forge was the best option — the lava in the temple doesn't go deep enough." Garnet adjusted her glasses, adding on flatly: "The consequences of inadequately distributed heat would be disastrous."
Peridot frowned, grumbling in displeasure. Lapis seemed to sense her discomfort and offered a reassuring squeeze. Peridot's frown only grew deeper.
"Lapis, I'm going to need to momentarily disconnect your touch stumps from mine."
Lapis froze. Peridot couldn't see her face, but she knew it must not be a welcoming sight from the way Bismuth and Garnet took a step back.
Peridot just kept running her mouth, afraid of what would happen if she were to try and forcefully pull away again. "You see, even though Peridots aren't designated to perform tasks that involve direct contact with superheated materials, we are formed much deeper within the center of planets. This offers us much more durability than the average gem." Lapis seemed to melt into her, eyes both hazy and attentive, absorbing Peridot's every word. "Lapis Lazulis, however, are not as durable, and I can guarantee if you were to dip your hand in lava with me, your form would dissipate very quickly."
Lapis seemed unfazed. Peridot inhaled and continued, cautiously.
"A—and if your form were to dissipate, you wouldn't get to see my charming face for a while."
Lapis blanched. Her hands pulled away from Peridot's, reluctant at first, before snapping away as if she'd been burned. Peridot winced at how hard she clenched her fists.
"Right. Right. I'm cool with that." The intense pink glow of Lapis' eyes seemed to waver just a bit.
Peridot scuttled forward, quick to occupy her hands with something other than Lapis'. The pink screen was hot to the touch, enough to burn any gem not built for such tasks. Even so, she was quick to tap through the interface to minimize contact with the burning surface.
Unit Admin: Hackmanite Facet 6G2G, Cut 8ML. Unable to locate Admin. Override. Filter by Era. Era Two; empty. Era One; 2,041,388 Files. Password. Wait, password?
Peridot's fingers tapped frantically across the screen. There had to be another way around this. Emergency access? A back-up code? She needed this to open. She needed this to work.
"Peridot."
She continued to rapidly traverse the interface of the device, meeting walls at nearly every turn. The only information she had received so far was who owned it, when it was made, and how much of an incompetent, stupid clod she was.
"Peridot, it's not going to—"
"No, NO— IT HAS TO WORK!" Peridot's fist came down hard against the screen, enough to rattle its entire frame. Steam rose up from where her hand was pressed down. Garnet went stiff. "What good am I if I can't even solve something as simple as finding an unknown password?"
Lapis approached her with awkward steps, hands hovering over her shoulder reluctantly. "Peridot, you've always been so skilled… one drop of failure in an ocean of successes shouldn't make you believe otherwise."
The words that left Lapis' mouth were distinctly not hers. Though they hurt her sometimes, Peridot was beginning to miss the bluntness and sarcasm that typically accompanied Lapis' tone. Too sweet. Too sincere.
"You don't know that. Right now, I don't think you know me at all."
"Don't say that."
Lapis was in her face suddenly, pink-lined pupils constricted and visage twisted into something intense, dangerous, unfamiliar. Her breath was hot against Peridot's face, and if she moved any closer, their noses would brush.
"Don't ever say that."
Unsure of what to say, Peridot nodded dumbly, frozen in place until Lapis pulled away. Lapis' guilt quickly set in, brows furrowing and lips parted ever so slightly. "I'm sorry. Stars, I'm sorry. Peridot, I don't—"
"We need to head to the library." Garnet cut in, appearing at their side with startling speed. Lapis flinched, Peridot sighed.
"Why do we need to go somewhere else again?" Peridot groaned, paused, and continued in a quieter voice, "…Wait, what's a 'librarby'?"
"You'll see! You're gonna love Stripes." Bismuth appeared on their other side, startling Lapis into squeezing Peridot, who involuntarily squeaked.
Peridot shifted. Another gem? "Stripes"… a jasper, maybe. Cautiously, she glanced up at Lapis whose expression was rapidly shifting from anxious to lovesick. She knew who Bismuth was… Stars forbid we run into THE Jasper.
"Right. Yes. Let's go, quickly! Quickly!" Peridot pushed the two bigger gems out of the way, Lapis immediately trailing behind.
—
Lapis had thought these things before. Quite often, actually.
The shock that she felt at the slightest touch, the way she felt her face heat up just thinking about her, how Peridot could make her laugh at the most ridiculous of things. It rattled around in her head more often than not, considering how much they occupied each others' time. The challenges they'd faced, always persevering. The fights they'd had, always bouncing back. Knowing, truly, that the little gem would be there whenever she needed. She loved it. She loved Peridot.
Never in a million years would she ever, ever, ever think about saying it aloud.
Which is why the way she was running her mouth right now was really fucking weird.
Peridot's touch was more than a craving, it was a need. Every time her roommate so much as loosened the hold on Lapis' hand, or — Stars forbid — let go, her body was seized with an odd, uncomfortable sensation.
Her head knew Peridot wasn't leaving. Her (metaphorical) heart did not. If anything, Lapis' track record was the one she would be worrying about! But, within the few hours she'd been reformed, the only thing she was worried about was Peridot.
Peridot, Peridot, Peridot. The nasally, snarky voice that typically came from her mouth now sounded like the most beautiful song that Lapis had ever heard. Even looking in her direction made Lapis lightheaded, a pinkish haze obscuring the rest of the world from her. Nothing else mattered. Nothing but Peridot.
And, there was the voices.
Lapis often heard the clanging of swords and barked orders from her brief time on the battlefield. As time passed, it became nothing but white noise — easily disregarded.
Now, in its place, were the voices of thousands upon thousands of gems.
Each word spoken in her mind was as light as a whisper, but the sheer quantity of voices merging together in the tiny space of her mind amplified the volume to more of a scream. A cry of desperation. A warning.
It also made paying attention to anyone but Peridot very, very difficult.
"Earth to Lapis? Hell-ooo?"
Peridot, again. The thrumming of her gem intensified so quickly she thought it might crack. Her face was so close to Lapis'— if she had a heart, it would have burst.
"Yes?"
"We're about to arrive. Supposedly the gem there is exceptionally knowledgeable about all sorts of Era-1 Homeworld tech." Her voice dropped, clipped tone nearly inaudible to Lapis' occupied audio receptors, "More knowledgeable than me, apparently."
"You're helping me so much. Don't say that about yourself." Her body churned with an uncomfortable sensation — recognition of something she'd never experienced. "I wish I had flown you sooner, you deserve at least a second of rest…"
Wait. Rest.
"T—that wouldn't be necessary. My gravity connectors are perfectly functional, and you seem to be highly disoriented while flying, so I don't think that would, uh, be a good idea— uh, Lapis—? EEP!"
Lapis scooped the smaller gem up with ease, one hand on her back and the other cupping her thighs. Peridot was deceptively heavy, but Lapis was much stronger than she looked. "Bridal style," she believed. Percy had carried Pierre like this in the third season finale when his leg was mangled by a bear trap. It was, obviously, played off as a gag— why would two boys ever engage so intimately with one another? Apparently human culture exaggerated sexual dimorphism to the point where so much as holding hands was ridiculed. Affection was unforgivable.
…Just like Homeworld.
She began to move on autopilot, for once ignoring Peridot's squirms of discomfort.
She had engaged with other gems once or twice on Homeworld. Being in Blue Diamond's court made it both riskier and easier. Gems were reluctant to rat her out, and those who tried were swiftly dismissed as immature gossipers. Gems beneath her would be broken like glass for their insolence. She didn't care. Flings meant nothing to her, really— just distractions, passing the time between colony development.
Peridot was different. So, so different.
Lapis' mind had been encased in a fog, much like the gases that trap heat in the Earth's atmosphere. Even as the haze grew more intense, she could still feel the origin deep within her mind.
Lapis had felt this way for a while. It wasn't particularly jarring at first for her to have the thoughts she was thinking when she reformed. There was no other gem she had spent so much time with — learning, changing, growing, taking the time to discover things about one another and the strange planet they were stranded on.
This, though… it was as if the gently crackling flame nested within her chest had been kicked over and set the rest of her body ablaze, an endlessly destructive wildfire of desire that consumed her every thought and drove her every action. Once again, her hands involuntarily tightened around Peridot's warm body.
"We're here." The little gem squeaked out.
Through the pink mist, Lapis could see a particularly fancy looking building. Smooth wooden pillars held up a glass overhang, leading into two large swinging doors. It seemed to have two floors with a balcony-garden extending out of one side, decorated with hanging vines and succulents. That was undoubtedly Peridot's handiwork.
Lapis waited for Garnet and Bismuth to enter before following. Allowing anyone but Peridot to stand behind her at that moment felt inexplicably terrifying. Besides — the storage device Bismuth had hefted over her shoulder needed a bit more room.
The outside was deceptively large, compared to the building's cramped insides. Though there was a few shelves of books, most of the space was occupied by Gem devices that Lapis couldn't name. However, most were reminiscent of the one currently on Bismuth's shoulder. Archives.
A gem she didn't recognize was in her face before she realized it.
Lapis' wings came out on instinct and she dove backwards with a mighty flap, Peridot clutched protectively in her arms. A huff of effort escaped her mouth, almost like a growl. Peridot shrieked and tried to wrestle out of Lapis' grip, but it only grew tighter.
"Uh, Stripes, I wouldn't do that right now." Bismuth shifted in Lapis' peripheral, setting the device down with a soft thump against the carpeted floor. "Her head's all scrambled."
Lapis pouted and shot her a bitter glance, which Bismuth only laughed at, "Okay, maybe not all scrambled. Still a little spice in there."
"I can see that." An unfamiliar voice. Lapis was back on high alert, body tingling with fear.
She was small, smaller than Peridot, with a vaguely triangular amber-brown gem sitting at the very center of her smug face. Black stripes covered her deep golden skin, partially obscured by the maroon fur-coat she was wearing. Most notable though, were her long pigtails that trailed down her back and onto the ground, pressing against the carpeted floor and literally lifting her up to face-level. A Tiger's Eye.
"Who the heck are you?" Peridot said incredulously, jutting her index finger out at the stranger.
"Stripes. Archivist. Bismuth, gimmie." Stripes hopped out of the way nearly too fast for Lapis to follow, resulting in her jostling Peridot far too roughly.
"Gh— Lapis!" Peridot growled and smacked her hands over Lapis' face, bringing her back to the present with startling speed, "Can you let me down for Stars' sake?"
"Ugh, fine. You're making my back hurt anyway." She grumbled playfully, gently letting Peridot's feet hit the ground. She didn't smile at the comment. Lapis felt something constrict painfully in her chest.
The small quartz' pigtails hit the sides of the device, effortlessly sliding off the case and discarding it with a thud. "Yes, yes, I remember this one." She snapped the claws at the end of her pigtails like fingers, pointing at Bismuth without turning her head. "Facet 2? The whiny little Hackmanite?"
"E-yup, Facet 2's keeper — not so sure about whiny. The stubborn ass still hasn't reformed yet."
"I remember her. Spiky shoulders. Nasty hair." Her words were drawn out, already beginning to grate on Lapis' nerves, "Not like mine. My hair's nice."
"Sure is." Said Garnet.
Peridot cut in impatiently, clapping her hands together, "Hey, hey! Focus! Lapis is losing her mind! I want that to not happen!"
As if on cue, Lapis leaned down and pressed her head against Peridot's hair, arms sliding down her sides, "I'm okay right now. We're good."
Peridot grumbled, nodding reluctantly. "So, what can you find out?" The 'that I can't' went unspoken, but she sensed Peridot's discomfort and gently brushed her arm.
"Well, it needs a password," said Stripes, absentmindedly drawing her tongue over her hand like a cat, "and I don't have a password."
"I CAN SEE THAT!" Peridot shrieked, seething as the smaller gem completely ignored her. Lapis flinched.
"It's that Hackmanite's. She's the only one who does. But she's still out. You'll have to wait."
"Do you at least remember what was in this one?" Asked Bismuth, wary of Peridot's temper threatening to spill over.
"Didn't get to it. Not completely, at least. Something about rejuvenation. Lots of shards. But…" Stripes turned to Lapis and approached slowly. Before she could flinch away, Peridot squeezed her hand, grounding her. "You got hit, yes? Hackmanite is created to remain unaltered when interacting with light-based data. Lapis Lazuli is not."
Lapis' body squirmed with an unpleasant sensation, brows furrowing. "So I'm… 'altered'? How?"
"We are made of light. The data is also made of light. The data was transferred to you. Now it's in your gem." Lapis felt something ripple across her back and shivered in response. Stripes' lazy smile grew wider, as if the reaction confirmed her theory.
"…Is that where the voices are coming from?" She winced at Peridot's 'WHAT VOICES?' but continued anyways, "And the, uh… feelings?"
"Yeah. Probably." Her voice was thick with self-assuredness that made Peridot look timid in comparison.
She didn't like it. There was something about this gem that reminded her of Garnet. Intrusively intuitive, knowing more about her than she'd ever like to willingly confide. Well, confide to most people. Glancing down to a perturbed Peridot, she felt a bit more comfortable.
"Well, how do we—" Stripes cut Peridot off.
"Hackmanite. They do data transfers. Has to be her, though. She's linked to it."
"Well she's not here now!"
"Then Lapis will have to stay like this." Garnet finished, hand cupping her chin.
"Wh— for how long?"
"Dunno." Smugly, Stripes leaned a bit further in. Lapis coiled protectively around Peridot, "I mean, the Diamonds could probably—"
"NO!" Peridot shouted, flinching at the own volume at her voice before barrelling on, "We— we'll figure this out ourselves! Garnet, approximately how much time until the Hackmanite reforms?"
"You know it doesn't work like that." Peridot growled at Garnet's deadpan, gritting her teeth as the taller gem adjusted her glasses, "…Well. Most paths say one week. I see one path where a Quartz drops a massive bucket of concrete onto her gem and shatters it, forcing us to wait a few days for Steven to return home and heal her. I see another path where—"
"OKAY, I get it! What do we do with her in the meantime?"
"Hey, I'm right here." Lapis hissed. She didn't appreciate not having input, even if she wasn't completely in her right mind.
Peridot put her palm over Lapis' mouth, "No you're not."
Lapis would typically protest, whack her hand off, fuss at Peridot in some way — but the contact was so grounding, the thought didn't even cross her mind
"There's two options. You won't like one of them."
Peridot scowled but raised a brow, urging Garnet to continue.
"Either you keep an eye on her for a week," she paused, allowing Peridot to grumble, "or we poof and bubble her for a week."
Lapis wasn't sure if she caught that last part correctly. Given the way Peridot blanched, she probably did.
…I'm not dangerous to Peridot, right? Am I really just that suffocating? Lapis raised her hand and gently pressed it against the back of Peridot's, I mean, if that's what she wants…
Peridot spun on her heel to face Lapis, who jumped at the sudden movement. Her expression was full of guilt, irritation, and a hint of fear that made Lapis want to pick her up again and keep her safe forever.
"Well," Peridot's voice had raised at least two octaves, "Looks like we've got the whole week to ourselves, Lapis!"