Chapter Text
Drip
Drip
Drip
He watches as the blood flows from his arms onto the floor. It’s always so addicting watching it drip onto the floor. They look so pretty like this.
Deep down Akito knows that this is wrong and he shouldn’t be doing this but it’s the only thing that makes feel normal. The only thing that makes him feel beautiful. He lets out a sigh as he pulls down his sleeves and heads off to bed. He can clean it up before school tomorrow.
Akito groans at the sound of his alarm. Hitting it with his fist as he forces himself to get up a strong metallic scent hits him.
There is so much blood. The sheets and his clothes are completely soaked in it. The whole room smells of it. Instead of doing the reasonable thing and cleaning it up he just peels himself out of the covers to take a refreshing bath.
Taking a bath was always his favorite thing to do after cutting. Even though he hated how his body looked naked he still loved it in this context. Seeing his own blood mixing with the water felt so euphoric to him. “I wish I could stay in here forever” he sighs out, closing his eyes
Akito doesn’t remember when he started feeling like this. Something has always felt wrong since he was a kid. He rememberers a time back in elementary school where he stole one of Ena's old dresses to wear around the house. He was so stupid back then. He ended up getting berated by his dad for hours for how sinful he was being.
I think that was the worst beating I’ve ever had in my life.
“DAD! P-please stop, I'm sorry it hurts!” Akito screams as he was pushed into the wall “shut up you fag! I’m going to teach you I’m going to make sure you never dress up like a tranny ever again!” There was no time to even speak before the next punch hit him.
Even after that it still felt nice..
I wish I could do that again.
I wish I was allowed to like girly things
I should get up before I’m late to school again..
As he got out of the bath he stared at himself in the mirror.
“Why was I born a man?” He questioned but of course there was no answer. There will never be an answer on why he was cursed like this.
He decided he’s going to skip eating this morning.
He arrives at school as soon as the bell rings so there’s sadly no time to even see Toya so he was forced to go straight to class. He despised school so much it never even made sense no matter how much effort he puts in he can’t help but fail the only reason he even shows up is to see Toya.
Toya is amazing, he's everything Akito wanted to be. He was the light in Akitos utterly dull life. Toya was the reason Akito was alive. Of course he wouldn’t tell Toya that but it is the truth. He’s so lost without Toya next to him.
He decides to sleep through class today. It isn’t like he’s ever going to learn anything anyway.
SLAM
“Shinonome! What have I told you about sleeping during class”
Now that got him up
“A-ah! Sorry sir i-…”
“How would you feel coming up the board and doing the next problem?”
The room lights up with snickering. This is so embarrassing I wish I could die.
“Yes sir..” he stood up and went to the front of the room, picking up the chalk he went to answer the question.
He had no idea what he was even doing. There were way too many numbers and letters he had no idea what they even meant. No matter what he did he would just end up embarrassing himself… instead of even trying to figure it out he just wrote down a random answer so he could get this over with a bit sooner. Once he sat back down the teacher only had to glare at the problem for a second to give his dreaded answer.
“Incorrect. Shinonome, this is some of the most basic questions of the unit and you got it wrong. Do you seriously know nothing? Maybe we should talk about some after school tutoring.”
Oh
He knows he got it wrong but he didn’t expect to fail this badly. What a shame.. An is definitely going to make fun of him for this during practice today…
It’s finally lunchtime! Thank god he finally has a break.. he also gets to see Toya today since he doesn’t have library duty today. He heads down the hall to the courtyard where the two of them always meet each other.
“Akito-kun, it's nice to finally see you again. You haven’t shown up to school in a couple days. I was starting to worry. You also didn’t answer any of my messages yesterday. I got a bit worried but I figured it was because you got home late because of work” Toya smiled at him as he spoke and akito swore he felt his heart fall out of his chest. Toya’s smile is so beautiful it can light up an entire room.
“Sorry about that Toya work really kicked my ass yesterday.. they put me on register duty..! I can’t believe it.. it was terrible..! But hey could you help me with some homework! Please Toya, you're my only hope! The teacher ate me alive today…”
Akito watches as Toya takes a bite out of his bento Toya is so lucky that he’s naturally skinny. His body is perfect in every way. Unlike Akito’s who has too broad of shoulders, whose bones stick out a little too much, and a chest that’s too flat for his liking. Toya probably doesn’t even need to starve himself.
“Of course I can help you Akito, just let me finish my meal okay? aren’t you going to eat today, where's your bento?”
Of course Toya would ask annoying questions like that. Sure, Akito loves Toya to death don’t get him wrong but he can be too intrusive at times…
“Ah I forgot it at home today.. I was kind of in a rush to get to school on time since I was running late this morning..”
“Would you like some of mine, Akito?”
Why does Toya have to be so sweet..
“Ahh no thanks I think I’m just going to get started on my homework now...”