Chapter Text
Something had changed.
Toshinori couldn't put his finger on it with the million other things floating around in his head, but something had changed since last week from the moment he'd left his meeting with the principal only to find Mic was gone. Whereas in the weeks beforehand, he would most likely have brushed it off as something came up at the last minute, he liked to think he had picked up on enough of the man's habits when he was leaning towards isolating himself.
His face had been a niggling thought in the back of his mind ever since he'd spoken to Yamada that morning and whether it was due to the bleak weather or otherwise, Yagi knew that something was bothering the man. Their brief but warm conversation before he left him only confirmed it with how often Yamada had been spacing out lately. While he was pleased that the other man had responded honestly to his questioning about his thoughts and with little hesitance, it didn't make him any less concerned when he'd left the principle's office to find the man, only to see he had left.
He'd approached the two people most likely to have seen him last, being that of Midnight and Aizawa, both of which seem to have been expecting him to come asking after the missing voice hero's whereabouts at some point before telling him he'd had to leave early for work. While something about their words seemed off to him, he'd relented after sending the guy a text asking if he was okay. The thumbs up emoji and smiley face with glasses in reply somehow didn't make him feel any better.
With the next few hours spent debating whether or not to call him, Yagi decided to leave it for the time being. He'd learned well enough recently that Yamada didn't like to be fussed over even when he wasn't upset, something about a combination of a tough upbringing and a penchant for not relying on others. It made for a frustrating outcome, but that was hardly Yamada's fault.
And besides, it's not as though Mic was the only one who could be stubborn. He'd gotten this far in befriending the other man despite his not so subtle attempts to push him away in the beginning, which in hindsight felt like much longer ago than it actually was.
Everything about the way Yamada acted around him and others indicated that it was less due to a dislike of people showing they cared and more that he just wasn't used to it. Hell, in the months he had been working here, he had seen Yamada having lunch with Aizawa maybe once, as well as a handful of times with Kayama, aside from that it was incredibly rare to see the other blonde interacting with anybody that wasn't a five second long greeting in the hallways.
He hadn't been lying when he said that out of everyone on the school faculty that Mic had easily made him feel the most welcome and in kind he had tried to make the other feel as though he could trust him in kind to come to him if needed, hence how close they had become since that first day when he found him smoking on the roof.
In fact, it was only after Kayama pointed out at their last outing how they had been spending alot of free time together that Toshinori realised how much time had passed since then and how much of it they'd spent seeking out eachothers company like it was becoming second nature to them now.
It was so easy to let his guard down around Yamada. He was effortlessly kind despite clearly being pushed to his limit half the time. He was fiercely protective, particularly when it came to Kayama considering how often they went out together, though every interaction he witnessed between the two of them made it abundantly clear that she was just as ride or die for him as he was for her. No matter what snide or borderline mean comment was thrown his way, unless they were stupid enough to include the people he cared about, Hizashi rarely batted an eye, would smile and wish them a good day and move on. It was hurtful for Yagi to think that it was because the man was used to such comments but Yamada would only point out everytime that it came with being a public figure, and that just because his hero persona may not be for everybody in a social situation, it didn't make any of those civilians any less worthy of saving as his fans.
To top it all off, Yagi honestly enjoyed how included Yamada made him feel in everything.
No matter where they went or who they were with, Mic had a way of making him feel like he was the centre of his attention. As opposed to the weeks before, that small feeling of awkwardness that came within their interactions was now virtually non-existent. Yamada could find a way to talk about just about anything, albeit with some gentle prodding, whereas All Might had lived a long enough life to have a story for just about any situation. And no matter how long he knew he could drag a subject out, particularly one he was passionate about, Yamada remained as enraptured in a way that spoke less of blind hero worship and more of genuine intrigue.
And there was the heart of it. Very few people were interested in knowing the man behind All Might. There weren't many left who did.
It only made him want any excuse to be around the other as much as he was able.
In the few weeks that had passed, between keeping up with the investigation, teaching, and training young Midoriya, Yagi was all too relieved to have a friend on hand to help him unwind, who was happy to let him vent about his day as much as he was able to without accidentally revealing something he shouldn't.
And with that, there came the guilt.
He'd be lying if he said it ever became any less difficult when it came to keeping such a secret from those he considered his friends. And when he'd started getting to know Yamada better, after many open and honest conversations with each other, Yagi couldn't help himself if talking to the other man didn't awaken a side of him that just wanted to tell him everything. About One For All, who Midoriya really was to him, the other predecessors, everything. What made it all the worst was the fact that Mic was more honest with him than he knew he deserved. There were still some certain topics that he had touched upon, but the smaller man had either laughed it off or changed the subject, causing him to feel just a tad vindicated in that his friend was clearly hiding some big secrets of his own. Granted, probably not potentially world changing secrets that could affect the population as a whole, but still, it made him feel a little better. A little.
Who was he kidding? It was an unfair comparison. He knew that. He knew the only reason he had even thought this way to begin with was so that he didn't have to feel guilty getting close with someone on a personal level while also keeping so much from him.
He couldn't tell him. Hell, he couldn't tell anyone. Not only for his own and young Midoriya's sake but for anyone who was burdened with the truth of One for All.
He didn't want to lose what he had with Yamada. It had been too long since he had felt any compelling urge to be around someone so often.
And that particular realisation wasn't something he had only just become aware of. Though he had felt the need to stop and think about it on more than a few occasions as of late.
The gradual change in their dynamic provided him with a comfort that he hadn't known he had deeply missed in the many years he had stood at the top of that pedestal watching over the world.
It was a shift that made his time with the other man feel different compared to his other relationships.
He had spent some time reflecting on what this feeling meant by dressing down his relationships with other people in his life to a T. For instance, Tsukauchi. He had known the man for many years, knew he could call on him when needed. He was a true friend if there was a person to match the definition. And on top of all that, he had known and carried his secret with him all these years. Not out of obligation but out of a respect and loyalty that was becoming rarer and rarer to find these days.
Then there was Dave, his longest and dearest companion. A man not blind to his own impulsively and recognising the flaws that came with it, moreso than ever since what happened on I-Island. It had been a tough pill to swallow to know his friend had been fraternising with villains, but he'd found his way back on the right path in the end.
It was disheartening sometimes to hear from Melissa that his old friend was still beating himself up over the events that took place that night. It was all Toshinori could do to reassure the man that there were no hard feelings. He wasn't one to hold a grudge over a good man who had made a mistake.
The thought of having a tough pill to swallow inevitably brought his mind racing towards Nighteye and the painful reminder of his departed friend was enough to make him decide to put the brakes on his trip down memory lane for the day.
But every time he came across Yamada, Toshinori couldn't stop his mind from questioning itself as to what was it about spending time with Mic that made it feel different to the other friends he had known for far longer.
At least he wasn't keeping any potentially world changing secret from any of the others. Maybe he was starting to feel that same level of trust that he had felt with the others that made him want to open up to the man. And if that wasn't a double-edged sword if he'd ever known one.
To tell Yamada his secret would be to ask him to keep it from everyone he knew. And if that wasn't unfair enough of a request, he would be placing another of his friends in danger.
The thought of anything happening to Yamada, of him getting hurt because of him, All Might would never forgive himself.
The other man had enough on his plate to worry about without him piling his own burdens on top.
It was easy to distract himself from his feeling of guilt by worrying over his friend.
Worry, in the sense that the other man was clearly trying to avoid him.
Maybe that was part of the reason why Yamada was consuming a lot of the free space left to think in his brain that wasn't being suffocated by everything else going on. Anytime the other blonde crossed his mind it was like coming up for air after being thrown into open water.
And yet over the course of the last week it seemed as though he was fighting tooth and nail to put some distance between them ever since his meeting with the principal.
This sudden change out of nowhere was enough to make him more than a little confused, to say the least.
Hizashi wasn't angry with him, at least he didn't think he was. Nothing about his behaviour as far back as he could remember since they had started spending more time together had indicated as such.
He wanted to ask if he had done something wrong, but it seemed that stubbornness was a trait they shared in common given that Yamada was dead set on pulling the disappearing act the second classes weren't in session.
Whatever was going on, there was clearly something he was missing.
Toshinori had replayed the events of that day over and over in his head trying to look for a sign that gave him all the answers to no avail. He recalled what he'd said to the other man before leaving him to his work.
Was that what it was? Had he come on too strong? He knew he could come across as intense sometimes, as he had been told in the past. But if that were the case and he had overstepped in any way, Yamada had never said anything to confirm that.
No. This was part of something bigger. And whatever it was, meant his friend was clearly going through a hard time, much like he had been that day on the rooftop. He dreaded to think that something else may have happened that was causing Yamada to spiral again.
If this was all related back to the investigation surrounding the Nomu and Kurogiri, then he could understand. But selfishly, he wanted the other man to tell him if he was also a part of the problem. If space was what Yamada needed, then he would give it to him.
More than anything, he just wanted his friend to be okay. If him being okay meant that Toshinori would need to take a step back then he would. He swallowed heavily to try and sink the feeling of disappointment that came with that thought.
If it was a problem with him personally, then he was old enough to take a hint. They were friends after all, weren't they? There was no reason as to why he simply couldn't ask. And if he was mistaken and Yamada wasn't going out of his way to not be around him, then that shouldn't be a problem.
He would put his own feelings on the matter to the side and focus on what was more important. Someone he cared about was struggling and while it's a hero's job to protect and comfort, he knew his days in the sun were over.
He'd hung up his cape, but Toshinori was still here. If not as a hero then at the very least, a friend.
A small aching part of him could only hope that was enough.
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The following morning found the voice hero sitting at his desk in the faculty office staring at the ceiling whilst idly spinning back and forth in his chair.
He was the first one here, not surprising given he'd come straight here from the police station at five thirty this morning. He'd stayed late at the station last night as he had done the last two nights where sleep was a lost cause, burying his head in organising his set list for his next show. After reading the same words a thousand times over for hours with nothing sinking in, he called it night, a relatively unproductive one at that.
On his way home he'd heard the cry for help he knew he couldn't ignore and after running solely on fumes and caffeine for the last three days, his impulsiveness was kicking common senses ass lately.
Hizashi didn't jump into a fight without a plan. Hizashi was smarter than that.
That didn't change the fact that last night Hizashi had ran right into a back alley alone whilst bone tired, running on empty with no thought to call for any back up.
The fight hadn't been pretty and if anyone barring the civilian who needed his help had seen what went down, chances are they would say he went a little overboard.
The villain finally went down after he released a higher than high pitched whistle straight into his ear that had almost burst his eardrum and Mic had finished him off with a swift uppercut to the jaw.
Upon arrival the police looked at him wearily after spotting the blood coming out of the villain's ear but they didn't comment on it.
Good.
Because he honestly just wanted to go to bed.
But of course that would mean him getting what he wanted and, well, when did he ever get that?
After playing the same track back over and over at the police station, waiting for the witness statement to come filing in from the civilian, and filling out paperwork, Hizashi walked out the door just in time to see the break of dawn. The cold morning winter air biting his skin made him yearn for the comfort of his bed more than ever. Hell, he could have broken down then and there in the parking lot over how tired he was.
But hey, he'd done this to himself and right now he'd just have to suck it up and deal with the consequences.
God what the hell was wrong with him?
What use could he possibly be to anyone like this?
He wasn't blind to his own actions. If he'd stayed in one place long enough for someone to notice he had been phoning it in lately, he wouldn't be able to deny it.
But where Hizashi was concerned, he could lie to himself like there was no tomorrow.
He was fine.
Was he going out of his way to avoid being around his friends and coworkers? Nope! Not him! He was just hella busy! Places to go, people to see, all that jazz.
Was he avoiding sleeping because the nightmares had been getting worse and the memory of them relayed in his head for hours and hours on end? No siree. Sure he'd had a couple bad dreams here and there, but hey, that came with the job.
Had he spent the entirety of his Saturday horrendously hungover to the point that he felt like he was walking on his eyeballs? Well, yes. That one was true. But goddamn, was he not allowed to relax once in a while? Besides, with the worst hangovers, they were always cured the moment he got drunk again so problem solved!
He didn't understand why Kayama took it upon herself to threaten to break down his door on Sunday night if he didn't let her in. He was fine, yo! All fine and dandy in casa de Mic!
And despite the fact he knew she wasn't happy with him when she saw him after she let herself in with the spare key, there was something in her expression that made him recoil and turn away from her. Because he'd seen that look before, that look in her face like she knew something was wrong with him.
He could hear her chatting away from where she was kneeling behind his head, all the while doing his best to drown her out so he could finally pass the fuck back out.
That was until he heard her clear as day mention that Yagi was becoming worried about him.
It didn't surprise him that Yagi was worrying about him. That man did nothing but show concern for him since the moment he found him on the rooftop. What did catch him off guard was the way that Kayama had singled his name out of anyone else she could have picked.
He'd known the silent treatment while waiting for her to get bored and leave gig was up the moment the mere mention of the man's name had him give himself away. The hint of triumph that flashed in her eyes when he turned his head back towards her had him seething at himself. For fucks sake, was he so far gone on the guy that he couldn't even hear his name without showing how pathetic he was?!
He'd tried to play it off like it was nothing because....he honestly didn't know. He'd never been able to pull the wool over her eyes in the past, he honestly didn't know how he hoped to do so now. The ensuing dubious look she gave him told him everything without her needing to say a word. To top it all off he was reminded of their conversation from weeks before when he came back from the library with Yagi.
She knew.
How obvious had be been?
Whatever she said afterwards was lost on him as the whiskey in his system chose that moment to remind him it was there and what followed was a bad case of the spins that told him it was about to make a reapparance while lying on his kitchen floor. The light in his eyes was definitely not helping.
Thankfully Kayama seemed to notice quickly enough that she was helping him jump to his feet and was chasing after him to the bathroom, quickly gathering his hair up in her delicate fingers, summoning a hair tye seemingly out of nowhere before kneeling beside him and rubbing his back.
There was never a moment in his life where he wasn't grateful to have her in it. But he was even more grateful that she was feeling merciful enough not to try and get him talking for the rest of the night. He let her help him change and bring him to his bed before walking back out again. She returned moments later and placed the wash up bowl from the kitchen sink on the floor beside his head and a glass of water and Tylenol on his nightstand.
He thought after that she would take that moment to leave before he felt the dip of her weight climb into the bed behind his back. No more words needed to be said. Not tonight at least. Even so, he found his hand reaching for hers behind him and she grasped it without hesitation.
"What am I going to do with you, silly boy."
It was the last thing he heard before his world went dark once more.
Kayama stayed with him till Monday morning where now once again sober, he figured the least he could do was offer her a ride to school.
The whole ride to work he could feel there was a pregnant pause hanging in the air where he knew she was dying to circle back to the night before the last and he was then reminded of the undeniable truth that she had seen right through him.
She knew.
And she looked like her head was about to explode with how hard she was trying to not bring it up. It hadn't exactly been a pleasant conversation last time when Hizashi had unceremoniously shut her down.
It would have been hilarious if what she knew didn't make him sound like a delusional whackjob.
He liked Yagi. A lot.
He didn't deserve him.
What was the matter with him?
Two months ago his entire world got rocked, and he was drinking himself into a stupor over a crush of all things.
He'd been trying to give the guy space to turn his focus back onto the students. They were the ones that needed guidance from the former symbol of peace, now more than ever.
He just needed time. Just a few days and he'd be over it.
Only now it was Thursday and all that had changed was he'd had less than four hours of sleep in three days, his stomach felt like it was about to eat itself and the thought of doing anything to rectify that made him feel sicker than he had on Sunday.
It had been less than a week and he was a goddamned wreck. He wasn't being very careful about hiding it either given the looks he knew the other teachers gave him and thought he didn't notice.
Shouta had tried to corner him more than once and boy if that didn't make him feel like more of an asshole when he blew him off before he could say too much. Everytime he did, he could see the frustration building in the man's eyes.
Shouta shouldn't worry about him.
Yagi shouldn't waste his time worrying about him either.
He would be just fine.
Now if the pounding in his head would kindly cut it out so that he could finally get some work done, that would be just great.