Chapter Text
Remus sat down in an armchair across from Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and he had been relying heavily on his cane lately. Everyone around noticed that Remus was quieter than usual, but they knew better than to address it.
Order of The Phoenix meetings were becoming more and more frequent as old members resurfaced, and Sirius was acting distant.
Remus gave Sirius the space he needed, but he could feel the ache in his chest when Sirius passed him, cold and distant.
Harry glanced up from his game of Exploding Snap and looked at Remus with concern. Hermione did too.
“Professor Lupin-” Remus grimaced, but did not correct Harry, “-Is Sirius alright? We’ve noticed…” he glanced at Hermione, who nodded reassuringly, “I’ve noticed he seems different—stressed, tired. Is there something I can do to help him?” Harry asked, genuine concern evident in his eyes.
Remus knew those eyes, and it made his chest ache even more.
He knew Harry cared more than he understood, but still felt a strange protectiveness for Sirius.
“He’s alright, Harry. This house…it holds a lot of difficult memories for Sirius. He had a…difficult childhood.”
Remus did not say painful, or abusive, or traumatic, though he knew those were all true. Sirius wouldn’t want his godson’s pity, Remus was sure.
And—although Remus didn’t like to admit it—he didn’t like thinking about what had happened to Sirius.
It hurt too much—felt too real.
Hermione lingered even after Ron and Harry had left to explore the house. Remus could feel her presence, and how her gaze landed on him. Eventually, unable to ignore it anymore, he looked up from his book.
“Hermione?” he asked, startling her a bit.
“Yes, Prof-”
“Remus,” he corrected.
Hermione nodded understandingly, but Remus could tell she felt uncomfortable calling him something other than Professor Lupin.
“What are you reading?” he asked. Hermione lit up, clearly eager to share.
“It’s called Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth century-” she held up the book, and Remus recognized it as one he had read in school.
“I’m really enjoying it! Of course, I’ve already read the sequel for A History of Magic, so most of this is review-” Hermione took a breath, but she realized that Remus probably didn’t really care about the book. Remus, however, proved her wrong.
“Miranda Goshawk, right? I read that in school, it really was fascinating-” Hermione visibly brightened, “-But I read it in sixth year. It’s quite advanced for someone of your year, Hermione. I’m impressed.”
Hermione flushed a bit at the praise. Remus was happy to make her feel seen.
There was a pause as Hermione considered resuming her book. Instead, she opened her mouth to address what had been on her mind.
“Prof- Remus, are you alright? I know people are concerned about Sirius, but I’ve noticed he’s not even talking to you. I-I know that must be hard.”
Remus nodded thoughtfully, absorbing Hermione’s observations. She continued.
“I think you’re in love with him,” she stated quietly.
Remus’ head snapped up, and Hermione flinched slightly.
“Why…why would you think that?” Remus asked, his voice strained. Hermione’s expression softened.
“I see the way you look at him. I’ve seen it before, with Harry and D-” her eyes widened as Remus raised an eyebrow, “-N-nevermind. I’ve suspected it since I saw you two in the Shrieking Shack. But now, after noticing how you two always try to avoid each other and inevitably end up sharing a piece of furniture-” Remus coughed, “-I don’t need to suspect it anymore. I know.”
There was silence. Remus didn’t know what to say.
“...Why don’t you tell him?” she asked hesitantly.
Remus decided there was no reason to deny what Hermione had laid out so clearly.
“It’s not as easy as just telling him, Hermione.” Remus sucked in a breath. “We’ve…we’ve been through too much together. And…he’s been through too much alone.”
Hermione felt the sorrow in Remus’ voice. She knew this was personal, and that there were factors she didn’t understand. Still, she had seen them with her own eyes. This was not nothing.
“It seems like you’re both still hurting. I just don’t understand why you have to do it alone.” Hermione stood up and tucked her book under her arm, “Please tell him, Remus. Tonks sees it too, and she wants you to talk to her, if you need it.” Hermione strode out of the room, leaving Remus in deafening silence.
Tonks. Hermione and Tonks. Of course those two witches had cataloged his every move and analyzed his every interaction with Sirius. It wasn’t their business what he felt, or how he handled it. Right?
Remus pushed on his cane as he stood up from the chair. He rubbed his temples and considered what Hermione had said.
Sirius clearly needed someone.
Remus just wished Sirius would let that person be him.
He would talk to Sirius. Properly.
Remus knew Sirius probably felt the same, and that’s what worried him. Sirius had a habit of making a joke and burying his emotions when things got too real.