Chapter Text
[26 MARS ‘51]
revachol seemed to know that today was one of importance. she didn't know what it meant or what would come of it, but the wind had opportunity to change and it all seemed to lie in the depths of the 41st precinct of the rcm and the quiet heartbeats of three men. she would let the day remain calm, the skies clear, and the weather unusually warm for the time of year. she would keep at bay what she could and let things pass as she wished them to.
jean woke up several hours before his alarm, headache free and feeling more rested than he had in a long time. being conscious so early before work meant more time to perseverate on what the day would bring him, so jean did what he could to think about literally anything else.
he ran for an hour in the nearby derelict park. every hurried inhale expanded his lungs and he wished they would just give up and burst with each gasp. burst lungs would mean he wouldn’t need to run anymore, wouldn’t need to deal with the day at all. stop thinking about it.
he jogged back to his apartment in relative peace. he took a shower, swallowed his depression medication, ate breakfast, drank three cups of coffee, and still arrived to work nearly two hours early.
jean knew that the day would be difficult and knew it would hurt him. he also knew he needed to keep his temper, to keep the rage sitting at the back of his throat at bay.
(the ire in him was waiting, squatting in position, ready to spring at the smallest of opportunities. he would fail to keep it caged today.)
he was the first into the office, aside from a few patrol officers still lingering at the end of their night shift. they weren’t any of his concern and no one approached him – nothing pressing happened in the night and jean was slightly disappointed to realize that.
pryce’s office was dark behind his door and he briefly wondered if the captain would even be here when harry arrived. he went straight to the coffee corner to start a fresh pot on the ancient machine. while it brewed, jean crossed to his desk to shuffle through the work of the day. stacks of reports to sign off on, updates to give, officers to crack down on, cases to assign. it felt nice to have something to focus on.
he would also need to introduce lieutenant kitsuragi to the precinct and help harry reacquaint himself to it. it made him feel sick.
the mustiness of the mill was cut through with bitter coffee. he poured himself a steaming cup and ignored the scalding temperature as he took a large gulp. his fingers ached from the heat of the mug and set it on top of his desk as he settled into the uncomfortable chair.
he bristled at some of the language of the reports on his desk, but he signed them anyway. at least they were done and he didn’t have to chase after half a dozen people to get their shit completed.
the stack was whittled down to something more manageable by the time he finished his cup of coffee. there was just about forty five minutes before the start of shift and already he could hear a set of footsteps coming toward the office. it took him a moment to realize he didn’t recognize them.
he rose to his feet at the same time that lieutenant kitsuragi stepped into the office. (how had he missed the enormous roar of the kineema?) “oh. good morning, lieutenant.”
kim gave a polite but professional smile. “good morning, satellite-officer vicquemare.” he held a hand out.
jean shook it, grip firm. he dropped his hand after a moment, a heaviness sitting in his chest. he was certain that title would no longer belong to him. he truly hadn’t thought about it until now. “officer. jean. vic.” fucking fool. “harry isn’t here yet.” it was said lamely.
“i was hoping as much.” a marginally less professional smile. “i thought we could both do without the distraction of the lieutenant for the tour, officer.”
it made jean relax just a small amount. at least kitsuragi had a decent head on his shoulders and was thinking ahead. “wish the rest of this lot thought like you.” if nothing else, jean hoped that the lieutenant would set a good example to the rest of the unit. “come on, i’ll show you the basics.” while jean knew that kitsuragi had been here before and knew where things would be, he felt a quiet pride in showing the lieutenant his new precinct.
jean led him to the coffee corner and poured him a cup of coffee he didn’t ask for. “how do you take it?”
kim briefly thought about declining the offer, but decided against it. “two sugars, please.” a moment later the mug is pressed into his hands.
with his own mug refreshed, jean began the brief tour. “mack and chester’s garbage dump.” they shared one and it was an absolute mess of a surface. it was a wonder either man could find anything at all. from what jean could tell, the team just hoped for the best. there was a pristine one a few meters away, with a few framed photos. “judit’s.” the photos were of her family through the years and she was one of the only people in the office who had personal affects decorating her desk. “heidelstam’s – you met him – uses this space.” a table turned desk with short filing cabinets as extra space to spread out books.
jean’s own desk was an organized mess. he knew where everything was and everything had a place, even if the rest of the damn office didn't follow the system in his mind.
“this will be your desk.” it's next to harry’s, whose desk was cleaned by judit in an attempt to make harry feel better about coming back, have less of a direct reminder of who he was. jean wanted to yell at her for that when he saw her doing it. he had bitten his tongue so hard it bled.
their three desks made an odd trifecta, an uneven triangle that left jean further away. already he felt left out and he felt sick at himself about it.
“of course, thank you,” kim said. “i will bring my stationery from the kineema later.”
“be my guest,” he responded with a small wave. “it's yours now.”
selfishly, part of jean didn't want the lieutenant here. the man was a reminder that jean failed harry, that he was never enough for the man. never enough to change for, to turn his life around for. this man was doing for harry what jean could never do and it fucking hurt to see that every day. but kitsuragi was one of the best in the rcm and no one could deny that. he made a name for himself in his own right and jean had a deep respect and admiration for it. he wasn’t sure how long the two thoughts would stay side by side in his mind.
“anyway.” jean began to walk, sipping his coffee. “couple break rooms around. bathrooms on this floor around this corner.” he kept walking, bypassing the elevator in favor of the stairs. without realizing it, jean was taking up more time, trying to stall the impending arrival of harry. “lazareth. store rooms, records room, armory.” a couple sets of stairs, bypassing some floors that didn’t mean anything to them.
he pushed open a set of large double doors and the smell of years of sweat and mildew assaulted their nostrils, though jean was more used to it than kitsuragi. “gym and showers.”
jean spent a decent amount of time in the sorry gym around them. he worked out often and did so more often when he was angry or needed to think about anything else in the world.
(satellite-officer jean vicquemare was also more vain that he would ever admit.)
a door to the left of the entrance led to the showers. most of the gym’s equipment was second- and third-hand, but was in decent shape. if nothing else, the 41st liked to take care of their gym and its equipment the best they can. they had all learned to expect the stench of the place. there was a gym bag towards a corner that jean used on his angrier days. they had laid down a square of tape, bright boundaries for a sparring match. several machines and weights were scattered in the rest of the room.
“come here whenever you want. no pressure to use it, just there if you want.”
“yes, thank you.” kim watched the officer for a moment and jean could feel his the gaze on him. it felt like he was being analyzed. “hm.”
jean raised a brow, waiting for kim to continue. but kim didn’t and stepped out of the unfortunate smell. “what was that?” he asked, following after the lieutenant.
they fell back into step together, kim now leading them back to the office. “you were perceptibly more at ease in the gym.”
so he was being analyzed. great. like the precinct needed a second can-opener. “thanks for the info.” jean scowled the rest of the way back but was glad they had ten minutes before start of shift. he had no doubt harry would be late anyway.
when he walked back into the office, he was greeted with a exuberant, “kim!” then, a split second later, “hi, jean!” kim was rushed and pulled into a hug that made his ears go red for only a moment. “happy first day! brought you a coffee, it’s shit here.”
he turns toward jean, something like an awkward smile on his lips. he didn’t seem to know how to greet the partner he still couldn’t remember.
harry was not only ten minutes early but was already trying jean’s patience and hurting his feelings. “don’t just stand there, shitkid. make a decision.”
jean was surprised when harry hugged him a moment later – it was the way he hugged him. it felt gentle and soft in a way that harry had never let him see before. he stood still for a few seconds, body frozen. then jean thawed just that tiniest bit and returned the hug with something stiffer, but tight. it was brief and jean pulled away first, immediately turning his back toward his desk.
he dropped heavily into his chair and downed the rest of his coffee. nervous fingers tapped at the ceramic, no rhythm in particular. the idea of showing harry around was one of misery. he wouldn’t be able to bear the onslaught of questions about things harry should already know about. the thin strand of his patience would bough and break and he’d lose himself to the fury within him. he promised himself, and judit, he’d keep his temper the best he could manage.
the rest of the team began to trickle in and jean kept himself out of any of the conversations around him. harry was reintroducing himself to every one who walked in and then proudly introducing kim. he should have taken his migraine medication again. it was stupid of him to think the pain from the night before wouldn’t return.
he waited until everyone had settled in, taking a few minutes to dip into their coffee or whatever else. pryce still wasn’t there and jean knew it meant he wouldn’t be there until the afternoon. only when he felt a few sets of eyes on him did he stand, beginning the morning debrief.
here we fucking go.