Chapter Text
Protection. You protect people you love, the ones that you'd rather die than see in pain. The ones that you know you'll live with forever. Your mother, family, spouse or just a random friend you randomly developed feelings for. You protect people's feelings, people's bodies, you make them feel seen when protected, feel loved and feel cared for. You want the best for them, you don't want to see a tear slipping from their beautiful face ever again. It isn't easy, of course. You swear you'd do everything to protect them, but there's always something that's missing, everything doesn't exist. Not in this way. When it comes to protection, there's always something more that you could've done and that's the worst part of it all.
That's how Hanjin felt ever since he met Kyungmin. First time he saw Kyungmin, he was holding his cheek with nothing but hatred in his eyes. He looked worn out, tired. He dragged him into a tight alley asking him if he was okay. Kyungmin nodded despite the exhaustion in his eyes.
Ever since that Hanjin felt the need to protect this little soul. He had done everything he could but it never felt like enough. Kyungmin would still feel lonely, still feel like he wasn't loved enough. Healing wasn't easy, not when you escape an abuser. But, he wished that Kyungmin found even more comfort in him.
That sounded desperate from Hanjin's end but, he had to admit, over the nights Kyungmin sang for him, the days they laughed together, he had developed a feeling in his heart only reserved for Kyungmin and nobody else. The urge to love him more than anyone, to protect him better than anyone did, to be there for him in every second of his life.
Kyungmin didn't feel like a friend anymore, he never felt like one. There was always something else quietly brewing in his heart, something that he only admitted to himself weeks later.
…
Hanjin woke up first, Kyungmin's hands still tightly wrapped around his waist. His hair was slightly damp from sweat, and his cheeks were puffed up from sleeping.
Ever since Kyungmin started singing for him, he had slept better, woke up actually feeling like a human and not just a ghost.
Hanjin didn't move, not when Kyungmin looked too peaceful in their little embrace. The sight was oddly domestic and it made Hanjin's heart swell with love. He imagined, how would it actually be if he dated Kyungmin. But that wasn't as easy.
It wasn't long since Kyungmin and Yujin broke up, asking him for something that he didn't know Kyungmin wanted felt suffocating. So he kept admiring him from a distance. As much as it stung, Kyungmin's feelings were the most important.
No matter what Hanjin wanted, he needed to respect Kyungmin and his boundaries, even if it meant waiting a lot more than intended for anything to happen between them.
Hanjin felt the arms slip off his waist and with them a warmth that he had been feeling left. He turned around to see Kyungmin up, his hair going everywhere and his face puffed more than usual.
“Good morning hyung” he said, looking as adorable as a human can be. “morning kyungmin” hanjin replied with a big smile.
He had tried to smile more despite himself, and it actually worked. He didn't look weird doing it and Kyungmin seemed to like it.
“I don't have classes today” Kyungmin said, fully getting up now.
“Well unfortunately, i have two lessons today.” Hanjin sighed as he remembered he had a presentation and a quiz today.
“The look on your face says it all hyung, good luck today!” And with that, Kyungmin disappeared into the bathroom. But the warmth of his smile stayed right in Hanjin's heart.
….
Hanjin came to the dorm exhausted, feet hurting, and his head felt like it was exploding. He could smell it from a mile away.
A sweet vanilla scent overpowered their hallway and it seemed like it was coming from their room.
He stood in front of their room just taking in the smell. It looked like Kyungmin was baking. With a smile spreading across his face he walked into the room.
Kyungmin stood there, his ducky apron covered in batter and too much flour. But nevertheless, he looked the happiest ever.
“Happy 1 month of our friendship hyung!” Kyungmin yelled as he stuffed a warm cupcake into Hanjin's mouth.
Hanjin was stunned, he didn't even expect anything for today but Kyungmin always found a way to surprise him. Whether it be something small or something ridiculously big, he always found a way.
After swallowing the cupcake, Hanjin just started at Kyungmin, speechless.
“Do you like them?” The expectancy on Kyungmin's face was the cutest thing ever.
“Yeah, i love them”
Hearing that, Kyungmin's face lit up in a way that Hanjin has never seen before.
“You remembered our 1 month friendship anniversary?” Hanjin asked, amused.
“Of course, i need to celebrate my best friend” Kyungmin's smile was the brightest thing Hanjin had ever seen. He couldn't even get himself to imagine how brightness dimmed as the years went on.
Before he could stop himself he blurted out “has anyone ever told you that your smile is beautiful”
Kyungmin stiffened visibly, pink spreading across his cheeks in an instant.
“Y-you think s-so?” He stammered, looking everywhere but at Hanjin.
“Yeah, it's really beautiful.”
“Thank you hyung!”
He looked so beautiful under the dim light of their dorm room, holding a spatula in one hand and battling the flour on his apron with the other. His smile was as bright as the brightest star.
Waiting for Kyungmin would be so worth it.
…
Months passed, and nothing really changed between them. The cold of October welcomed them as the second semester was underway.
Autumn was beautiful, Hanjin loved every part of it. The pouring rain, leaves changing colour, the slight cold. And most importantly his favourite person in the world was born in autumn. October 2nd, Lee Kyungmin.
He and Kyungmin were stronger than ever. Kyungmin was healing slowly but surely. They went on many outings where Kyungmin ended up crying afterwards, but that was all a part of the process and Hanjin was there for him every step of the way.
And let's not forget Hanjin's insomnia. It had completely disappeared. Kyungmin’s singing had helped him sleep better than anything he took or tried.
Everyone noticed the change in his mood and hi energy. He actually had the energy to study which resulted in his GPA climbing drastically.
And he never let Kyungmin forget that he was the sole reason why. Kyungmin would try to fight him on it, but Hanjin always stood his ground. Without Kyungmin he wouldn't be the person he was today.
On every 2nd of the month Kyungmin kept making deserts, cupcakes in march were by far Hanjin's favourite. They're still such a fond memory in his heart.
But for the 2nd of this month, Hanjin had other plans. He wouldn't let Kyungmin do anything, it was a day where both of them wouldn't have any lessons so Hanjin planned to have an eventful day.
He laid in his bed, 23:59 seen on the clock. Kyungmin was sleeping soundly beside him and the moment the clock turned to 00:00 Hanjin shook him awake.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYUNGMINIE!” He yelled, throwing himself softly on Kyungmin.
(Yeah, they still slept in the same bed.)
“Hyung, thanks” Kyungmin was confused, he didn't get why was Hanjin staying up late just for him.
“Kyungmin, is anything wrong?”
“No, it's weird that you stayed up late for me, just to wish me a happy birthday, you could've slept.” Despite his words, there was a happy spark in his eyes, something that screamed “I've been seen”
“It's nothing Kyungminie, i do it for everyone, and of course I'll do it for you too. I love birthdays and take them seriously.”
Kyungmin chuckled at that but his smile faltered a bit. Hanjin immediately noticed, kyungmin basically wore his heart on his sleeve.
“Kyungmin look, your birthday will always be one of the most important days, and I'll always make sure you have a blast from now on.”
That was the final thing that needed to be said, Kyungmin burst out into tears, hugging Hanjin tightly.
“Yunjin, h-he, never let me celebrate them” he cried harder and harder as he was speaking. “He told me that celebrating them was childish.” His heartbeat got faster as he listened to Kyungmin. He just wanted to go over to Yujin and beat his ass up.
“Kyungmin, look at me, no matter your age, you're still allowed to celebrate your birthday. It celebrates the day that you've been born on and that's something worth celebrating.”
Kyungmin stopped crying and just kept looking at Hanjin with an unreadable expression. “You're my favourite person in his world hyung” Kyungmin said, his voice dangerously quiet. “Thank you for being here for me”
“Always Kyungmin, always”
Kyungmin slowly calmed down and they fell under the blankets. But Hanjin couldn't sleep. He kept replaying Kyungmin's words over and over in his head. The happiness that he had been stripped off, the life he had been taken away. He will try to make up for it all, just so he can see Kyungmin happy.
That day Hanjin woke up way earlier than usual. He got up slowly trying to wake up Kyungmin, but thankfully Kyungmin wasn't a light sleeper so it didn't seem to bother him.
He had never baked anything in his life but he took some classes the whole September and he was feeling pretty confident.
The cake wasn't perfect, but it looked good enough. Just as he was putting finishing touches, Kyungmin woke up.
He looked as adorable as ever as his head perked up to see what Hanjin was doing.
“Hyung? You're baking a cake?” He said, failing to contain his laughter.
“Well it's your birthday and also the second of the month so i tried baking something.” Hanjin was genuinely nervous for the first time in a while. He was usually the one making Kyungmin nervous over little things, but now he was the one scratching his neck.
“I can't wait to try it.”
The cake was so awesome as Kyungmin said and Hanjin's smile looked so wide Kyungmin got worried.
“Hyung, your mouth is going to hurt if you keep smiling like that.” Hanjin kept smiling, he was the happiest man alive at that moment.
“Since we're both free today, should we go out somewhere?” Hanjin suggested, honestly, he wasn't a fan of staying inside for very long.
“I don't feel like it, but if you have plans, it's okay.” Kyungmin said, not looking up from his book. “I'm planning on finishing this book” he added a few seconds later.
“Oh, okay” he was a little disappointed but it was Kyungmin's birthday, he couldn't just force him to go out.
So Hanjin went out and bought some decorations, and stuff for Kyungmin's birthday.
When he came back to their dorm room, Kyungmin was still buried in that book, sitting on the same spot Hanjin saw him before he left. His heart did a little flip seeing Kyungmin so focused.
“Hyung, you're back?” Kyungmin asked, lifting his head for a little and getting surprised. The whole place was messily decorated with some confetti and some other birthday decorations.
“Oh my God..” Kyungmin put a hand over his mouth as his eyes got glassy again, but before he could start crying Hanjin hugged him. His arms wrapped around Kyungmin pulling him in a warm embrace.
“Don't cry Kyungminie” he kept repeating as he was rubbing his back slowly.
“I won't, i hope” Kyungmin said, unsure if he was crying, laughing or both. “Hyung, really thank you for everything that you do.”
“It's really nothing Kyungminie, this is just the bare minimum of what you actually deserve.”
Their day passed by eating Hanjin's cake and having the most random talks. It felt natural, more natural than usual.
Kyungmin's birthday was coming to an end. It was already close to midnight. They were both beyond exhausted by nothing in particular. Kyungmin stood up from the bed and cleared his throat. Except for the usual phone where'd look for the lyrics of the song he sang that night, there was a handwritten letter.
He handed Hanjin the letter with trembling hands.
Hanjin started reading, tears already threatening to spill out.
Hyung, it's me, your Kyungminie. I wanted to wait until your birthday to give this written confession to you. But after seeing how you treated my birthday, waking up super early despite your insomnia just so you could bake me a cake made me realise that i didn't have to wait until a specific date anymore. The only thing i want is to become your most loved one, the one you'll cherish even after i die. I didn't even realise that i liked you until i started climbing into your bed because i was missing the familiar warmth you brought. You healed me in many ways, made me trust people again, made me learn how to love again. Thank you Hanjin hyung, thank you for everything you ever did for me. I know I'm not enough for you. I have many imperfections but i hope that i at least made a place for myself in your beautiful heart.
Your Kyungminie.
Hanjin didn't even realise he started crying, not until Kyungmin dropped beside him and hugged him. “Kyungminie, you're more than enough for me, I'll love you the most despite your imperfections, I'll make sure to love the so-called imperfections of yours the most. To cherish them like i cherish everything that makes you human. I wanted to confess to you earlier, but i knew that if i rushed things, i’d make things uncomfortable. Kyungmin, you're perfect just the way you are. I'm sorry i couldn't protect you even more, but I'm glad, i participated in your healing. I made a promise that I'll make you feel safe, and I'm glad i could fulfil it. I love you more than anything that this world could describe, Lee Kyungmin, I love you, i love you the most in this world. You're my favourite person and I'm so fucking glad that i met you, every version of you, the happy and the unfortunately sad one.”
They stayed like that, wrapped in eachother's arms, gazes filled with love, pure unwavering love. Both helping eachother in the one and only way they thought there wouldn't be a cure. Turns out, the cure was the other person all along.
the end 🤍