Chapter Text
Kid Icarus: Mishonh From Darwin
CHAP 1: MISSIUN FORM DARWIN
I was in my sighence class one dat when my conservativ teacher ms pandora was talkin about creationism.
"and tat is why hummus came form adam and eve and there is no evolution" she said.
I razed my han.d
"yes Pittoo" she said.
"if humens came from two peple wouldnt all strait relantionsips be incess?"
my teacher had no ansor for that so she give me a ditentun and an f on my test.
"hahaha!" she sad "you Athists wil be defeet one day! Christens alreedy rule dis kuntry becuz of donald trump and son all Athists will goto deaf panels!"
just ten the dore to teh seance room opened and Charles Darwin walked in. he was wearing a robe and had a bread like he allways does.
"ms pandora ur gong NOWERE WHEN U DIE!"
"no cuz evilusion arnt reel" ms pandora said.
"lol ur a morun" Darwin said and he stroked ms pandora with lightning and ms pandora ded.
"yay!" said all the Athists in the class.
"boo!" said all the Christens so Darwin stroked all them 2.
"okay now i ned to talk too Pittoo Darwin said. "so everibuddy else leave."
"ok" my classmates left The Room.
"Dark Pit ive ben watching u for sum tim," he said, "this wurld isnt the only on that exists."
"for reel" I ask.
"yea doo u kno about video games."
"yea I play dem with my bro and Viridi" (my bro is my brother and Viridi is my BFF forever and shes a PLA (Pretty Librul Athist) like me to)
"well they are real because before i ded i discovered anotter unerivrse."
"cool Darwin" i hi fived Darwin.
"ok but theres trubble. God found out about this and now hes in Nentendo'h World. Only u can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff their."
"ono."
"right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur englesh test last month. Good thing i'm Darwin and I can evolve u cool powers and stuff."
So Darwin gave me some power and I fell to sleep. When I woke up I was outside of the Smosh Manshun and had blak angle wings.
The Conservative Christian Crew
Chaptar 1: The New Victoria's Secret?
One day at the mall, Sara and her friend Lauren were handing out at the mall. Sara wore a pink blouse from Neiman Marcus while Lauren had Gucci because they love fashion. They held hands (not in a lesbian way), Sara scoffing at the liberals and those who stared at them.
"Oh I never," said Ganondorf in a southern accent before fainting.
Lauren couldn't help but laugh as she took a sip of her luscious Evian water, embracing her friend like all straight girls do. They always went to the mall to go to the greatest store ever, Victoria's Secret. It was paradise for all the elite fashion socialites and all others who loved putting effort into their appearance.
However, today it was replaced by a duller, newer "Victoria's Secret" that sold FLANNEL, SCREWDRIVERS AND HOUSE APPLIANCES AND LIGHT FIXTURES! Sara gasped, dropping her shopping bags as she fell down to her knees. Lauren glanced inside, seeing lesbians such as Samus, Zelda, Becky, and even Princess Peach were shopping inside.
A girl who looked like she was cosplaying Paul Bunyon almost walked inside. She wore a hairclip, beanie, flannel t-shit, Levi's jeans and some hiker boots from Canada. Her bag was full of lesbian merchandise as Sara gagged.
"Oh no! They turned Victoria's Secret into Home Depot." scoffed Sara.
"Ew, how gross. What did they do to one of our favorite stores girl?! They've ruined it! Now how are we supposed to keep up with the latest lingerie fashion?"
Sara embraced her but not in a lesbian way. "I know Lauren, I know."
Another person walked by but froze in horror. They rushed over to the glass door, seeing that there was a lack of Christians and instead LOTS OF ATHEISTS ROAMED AROUND!11!
"HOW DARE THEY PUT A HOME DEPOT IN THE MALL!" screeched the figure. It was a tall, hot muscular guy with blue hair and looked super conservative, yet was obviously a Christian person just like them. He growled, wanting to unleash fury of whoever did this.
Marth the prince cried at the replacement of Victoria's Secret as it changed. "HOW DARE THEY REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING SO REPLUSIVE!"
Link as a born again Christian when they kicked him out as Mario himself was always Christian. As they saw the once renowned Victoria's Secret transform into a liberal paradise, they screamed.
"WHO RUINED VICTORIA'S SECRET?!" YELLED ALL OF THEM AT ONCE!
Little did they know, an evil Democrat was behind all of this. Barack Obama wanted payback.
Sara had an idea as Lauren and her gathered all of the conservative Christians. "We must fight against the evil Obama and his liberal cronies as we are... THE CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN CREW!"
"SARA, THE LEADER!"
"LAUREN, THE GENERAL!"
"MARTH THE PRINCE!"
"MARIO THE PLUMBER!" Mario glanced as they did they battle poses.
"And… whoever this buff guy is," said the plumber as he was truly forgot who he was, then again they were all assholes. All except Lauren…. somewhat.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT ME MARIO! WE'RE BOTH IN SMASH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" snapped the man. He smacked Mario as he decided to take the role of tactician because what else was there left.
"IKE, THE FUCKING TACTICIAN! I WILL RESTORE CHRISTIANITY BACK TO THIS MALL!"
They all did their victory poses as two teens glanced at them and shook their head.
"Wow what the fuck is going on?" said Roy as he looked at the Christians. He was rich and loaded with the dosh.
"I don't know," replied little mac. "But what's with a Mary Sue, Mr. Nintendo, a noble prince, is totes straight and a muscular guy doing some kind of Power Rangers shit? I thought Smash was for fighting, not doing this crap."
"Same dude." They laughed as the conservative Christians made mental notes to CONVERT THEM FIRST!