Chapter Text
Right after Michelle thought that Willow was okay, she felt her shaking in her arms, but even faster than before and heavier tears on her shoulder.
“Wills? What happened now? Did I say something wrong?” She lifted away from the embrace, just to find Willow's face wet with fresh tears.
Seeing her so vulnerable throughout this month every year only helped her to remember every time Willow had suffered.The monsters who had stolen their chance at a normal teenage life. Miserable, waiting for the next one to come.
She did care for Willow, and she cared for her back, right?
Well, Michelle did more than care. She realized that she loved Willow during their first year of college. The domesticity was everything she had ever wanted, but it also made her realize that it wasn't just the comfort that made her feel so good, but also the person from where it all came. Having Willow by her side was easy, simple, like it had always been meant this way.
For many months she thought it was just their usual friendship, but she knew that sharing a home with Willow was more than that. Being able to walk less than three meters and hug her, or brush arms every time they passed by the small room, developed in other thoughts. Like kissing or cuddling, and…other stuff.
Once she started, she wasn't able to go back; the need to be with her only grew stronger.
She had been blind for many years, dating El, a boy that she only was with because that's what she had been told throughout her whole life. He was a wonderful boy, everything that anyone could ever want, but it wasn't what she wanted.
After many years of forcing herself into something that she didn't enjoy, right before the final fight, they talked. Luckily, El felt the same way; he felt like he hadn't yet found himself outside of Michelle and their friends.
So they decided to go back to friends, give each other space, and honestly, it was the best thing she had ever done. Michelle was free; El was too. The only thing that the relationship had been good for was to teach them how to kiss and…nothing else, honestly, but that was many years ago.
But now it was too late. When Willow was forced to reveal her biggest secret, that she actually didn't like boys, she mentioned a stupid crush she was over with. Her Tammy. Whatever that meant.
For a second she didn't know what she was talking about, but then the way Willow looked at her told her everything. Willow had loved her more than anything. But not anymore.
Oh, how do I feel about the past? Others conquered love - but I ran. I sat in my room and I drew up a plan, but plans can fall through (as so often they do).
“I can't do this anymore,” Willow finally replied between sobs. “I tried really hard, but it's not enough. I'd rather have nothing. How many years did I waste?” She kept rambling nonsense Michelle couldn't understand.
“Willow? Wills? I don't understand…?” She was starting to get really worried.
“You care for me, but…” Silence, a moment of hesitation before she finished the sentence “You don't love me. And I can't keep pretending I don't. I'd rather have nothing than something halfway.” This wasn't the first time she had ever heard that sentence. With every word, she pulled further away. She ended up on the edge of the bed, legs hanging loose, hunched on her shoulders.
“What…? Willow… but I thought it was just a silly crush. Just your Tammy, many years ago, right?” Michelle felt like she was the one speaking nonsense now.
Anything is hard to find; for heaven's sake !
Anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes
When will you accept yourself ?
“Well I lied!” She snapped, finally looking back at Michelle's eyes. “How could I get over a love so deep, something I've felt for years in a week?”
Wait. Years?
“But it's fine if you don't feel the same. Why would you anyway?” She chuckled, the sadness in her eyes betraying her.
“I had to get it out of me,” she looked away, “I’m sorry. Please don't hate me,” and after that sentence, she started crying all over again.
Oh.
Oh.
Wait,
no,no,no,no,no,no.
“Willow…” What was she supposed to do now? She was a great writer, but right now she had no words to use. So instead of surely fucking things up by using words, she moved. In less than a second she was on the floor, up on her knees in front of Willow, looking up at her. She wasn't looking back, lost in her thoughts.
Without thinking, Michelle lifted her hands up to Willow's face again. Willow hesitated, but after caressing her face, she looked back. And that's when she saw it. The unmistakable love in Michelle's eyes.
They slowly got closer without intending to. Their foreheads ended up touching. In a last breath, Michelle finally confessed. “I love you. For just as long as you, but I was too blind to see something so big. I’m sorry.”
With one last move, Michelle closed her eyes and approached Willow’s lips. It was slow; Willow took a few seconds to realize what was happening. The one thing that she thought of as impossible was happening. And then she started kissing back at Michelle, placing her hands on her neck.
They eventually pulled apart to catch a breath and look at each other. Willow had never looked so good. Her cheeks were red, almost crimson. Her lips were red and puffy and swollen. But the best part was her eyes: they were open, showing off their colors, though they were mostly hidden by her dilated pupils.
She was sure she looked the same by the way Willow was looking at her, though not as beautiful.
She looked ethereal, if you asked Michelle.
Then she saw the corners of Willow's mouth curve into a smile. She chuckled, which made Michelle chuckle back. With one last look at her smile, she kissed it.
Now it was deeper, hungrier. It felt like the kiss had its own life, alive, dancing on their mouths.
Michelle had a need to be closer, to fuse into one being, so she started climbing up to her, straddling her on her bed.
Hands started moving, tongues found their way into the other’s, the space between them turned smaller, and time was moving slower.
Gently, Michelle pushed her down. Willow’s back hit the bed as Michelle kept crawling upon her.
At some point they pulled apart for some air. Willow looked undone, but in a good way. Her hair was messy, thanks to Michelle's curious hands; her breathing was deep and shallow, and her heartbeat so fast she could feel it on her chest.
Exhausted, Michelle fell on Willow, her full weight on her. Her face was on her shoulder. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She answered, looking back with such an amount of love Michelle thought she wouldn’t be able to handle. But she would; she’d do anything to make Willow happy. “So…you love me?”
“Yes. More than anything.” It was true; she was exaggerating.
“When did you find out?”
“Our first year here. I saw how good you looked even in your PJ’s and thought, I have to marry that woman.” That made Willow chuckle, though it wasn’t a joke; it was partly true. “I'm sorry it took me so long, I don't know why…”
“It's fine; it wasn't too late. Though you did take your time-”
“Aw, come on!” After that, Willow laughed even harder.
Michelle managed to snuggle by her side. Willow lifted her hand to Michelle's hair. They were cuddling, like they had always wanted, but couldn't until now. “So… what does this all mean?” Michelle asked.
“Huh? What do you mean?” Willow looked at her, confused. Now what?
“I mean, are we still best friends or…” she asked genuinely.
“Micah.”
“What? I'm just making sure!” Michelle defended herself.
“You cannot be serious,” Willow looked at her dead in the eye. “I don’t think best friends go kissing around-”
“Willow! I'm not joking!” Seeing her so frustrated made Willow laugh all over again.
“I know, I know, I'm just teasing.” She paused, turning more serious. “If you don’t mind… I think girlfriends would fit pretty well.” She looked away in embarrassment, but when she looked back, she found Michelle's loving eyes staring at her.
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
It felt like a dream. It was perfect; everything they had ever wanted, they finally had it.
When?
When?
When?
When?
Now.