Chapter Text
Thud!
I wake up after hearing a loud noise. It probably came from one of the other rooms. Welp, I should go check on the others. Let's hope no one was injured.
I leave my room and quietly start knocking door to door. Everyone said they were okay, and that they didn't hear anything. Except Keebo, who heard the noise but only 'cause he's a robot and has advanced hearing. Iruma didn't answer, but after asking around, I figured she was just asleep.
I then move towards the down floor. The first door I spot is Shuichi's. Let's start with him, I guess.
Knock knock
No response. I knock again.
Knock knock
Still no response. Why isn't he answering? Is he asleep like Iruma? Hopefully he didn't get injured.
Then I notice. There's a small key right in front of the door. I try to use it to unlock the door, but I figure it wasn't needed. The door was unlocked, and I just hadn't realized.
I push the door open, hoping he was safe and sound.
The harsh reality hit me like a brick. His room looks like a body discovery scene. I can't move from the shock. What the Hell?
"SHUICHI, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" I find myself screaming, with no response.
There he is, hanging from the ceiling, with a chair knocked over behind him. Blood had dripped from his wrists onto the carpet. Oh God, his wrists. Full of cuts and scars, some visibly new, seems like they just stopped bleeding.
Blood had rushed down his forearms and hit the carpet, the bed, even the room light he tore to tie the noose from the ceiling.
I notice a small envelope placed on his desk, covered with blood and dried up drops of water. Tears? If I'm correct, it reads, "To Kaito and Maki." A note? A suicide note? For me and Maki?
His eyes are wide open and look lifeless and glassy, like a corpse's eyes. His pupils are dilated and facing the floor. His lips and fingers are blue and discoloured, while the rest of his body, and especially the rest of his face is deathly pale.
I swiftly close the door behind me, because I thought Shuichi might not want anyone to see or hear us like this.
I turn around to face him.
"WHAT THE FUCK, SHUICHI?!" I'm not sure if he can hear me, so I might as well panic right now rather than later.
I rush towards him and try desperately to untie him and get him away from the noose. I attempt to cut the noose so he falls, and I turn out successful. His body falls over like a person getting shot.
I quickly get him up and place him on the bed.
"Shuichi," I tell him, "Shuichi, can you hear me?" I start panicking, imagining the worse.
"SHUICHI?!" I bordeline scream inside his ear, trying to get his attention.
"SHUICHI FUCKING SAIHARA?! ARE YOU ALIVE?!"
He slowly opens his eyes, his pupils still dilated and unresponsive to light.
"Ka- Kai... to? Wh- What-?" He manages to stutter, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.
I try to stay calm. "It's- It's gonna be okay, I'm here now."
I grab some bandages from the bathroom, which I take note also has blood on its tiles.
I begin bandaging Shuichi's arms up, but he pulls them away with as much strength as he can, which isn't a lot. He just managed to move them a little bit, but not that much that I wouldn't be able to still bandage them.
"You... weren't supposed to- to be here..." he says, his voice still a bit raspy.
"But I am here, so what now?" I respond, in a passive aggressive way, sort of sarcastic.
We both remain quiet as I take out the noose from the ceiling, put the kicked chair in its correct spot and sit down to read the letter. Shuichi has fallen asleep, might as well.
"Dear Kaito and Maki,
I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry I left you this early, but I can't do this anymore. It's not the same without her, and I'm afraid it will never be. I'm sorry I won't get to see you become closer friends, or that I won't be there for the next training sessions. Continue to be strong without me, the way I couldn't without Kaede.
I'll see you on the other side,
Saihara Shuichi."
I feel tears forming in my eyes. Shuichi really was ready to kill himself, wasn't he? I'll have to talk with him after he wakes up.
. . .
He wakes up, and after making him drink some water, it was time to talk.
"Shuichi," I begin, "What the fuck were you doing up there?!"
"I swear, it wasn't what it looked like," he says, his voice now sounding a bit more normal but still huskier than usual.
"Uh huh, what were you doing hanging from the ceiling with a chair kicked behind you, then?"
He tries to come up with a good excuse. "I was... uh... making a sandwich?" His brain's clearly damaged from the oxygen deprivation.
"Look, Shuichi. I know you were about to die. I read the letter. I saw your arms. I'm going to get straight to the deal, okay?" I try not to sound angry, even though I'm pretry mad at Shuichi right now.
He nods slightly.
"Why?" I ask him.
His response isn't immediate. "Kaede's dead. What else have I got left to do as a human?" He finally replies.
Damn, did Kaede mean all that to him?
"Are you sure it was only about Kaede?"
He thinks for a bit. "No, probably. I've been thinking about suicide for a while now, Kaede's death just broke something in me. Kaede was my first friend here, the first person to accept me as myself, she inspired me to get better."
His eyes start getting red and puffy. "I loved Kaede, Kaito. I've never loved anyone like that before, and I don't think I ever will again."
"You know, Kaede probably wouldn't want you to kill yourself for her. I think she'd want you to stay here and keep fighting." I mention, trying to get him back to his right mind.
"Perhaps you're right. Perhaps she wouldn't want me to do that. But she's dead, isn't she? Killing myself is the only way I'd get to see her again, to converse with her once more, to hear her play the piano in Heaven one last time."
"Why not live another day, to learn the piano in her honor? Why must you kill yourself to see her, when you can do things that remind you of her, and all the good moments you had together? You said you loved her, but you still didn't do what she'd want of you in that situation."
He gets quiet real quick, and turns away to avoid my stare.
"What about the cuts on your forearms?" He visibly gets paler when I say that. "Why do you hurt yourself?"
"I hadn't done that in some time. I relapsed after Kaede's death. The pressure and the guilt really got to me, and sometimes cutting helped relieve some of that stress. Make life a bit more manageable. Keep me going."
"Cutting's not going to get you far, though. Every time something goes wrong, you'll just go back to that blade and harm yourself. It doesn't fix anything, just makes you feel bad about yourself afterwards. It doesn't make life manageable, it just helps you forget your troubles until they double and take you down then."
He's full on sobbing now, refusing to look me in the eyes. "I'm sorry," he says, after pulling himself together a bit. "You weren't meant to find me like that. You weren't supposed to-"
"I wasn't supposed to what? Keep you alive? Make you live another day? You're one of my closest friends here, Shuichi. If I didn't wake up from the loud noise, you'd be dead as a doorknob right now. You do realize that, right?"
"Please don't tell the others. Please. Don't tell them. Please, please-"
"I won't, I promise that. I'll take it to the grave if you want me to." I say in a confident tone.
He smiles, then hugs me tightly, not wanting to let go of me. He starts to sob, again, this time in my embrace. I hug him tighter.
"It's okay, let it all out. It's healthier than bottling it up." I tell him.
He continues to cry in my arms until he falls asleep. I can't le him sleep alone, what if he tries to do that again? I can either sleep here, or take him to my room and have him sleep in an extra futon bed.
Yes, that should do it.
I lift Shuichi on my shoulders, and carry him to my room. I place the sleeping Shuichi carefully on my bed so as to not wake him up, and begin setting up the futon bed. I move Shuichi onto the futon bed, tuck him in while trying not to wake him, and then lie on my bed.
"Kaito? Why am I in your room?" He asks. He woke up anyway, it seems.
"It's not like I don't trust you, Shuichi, but I can't have you trying to do that again if you're all alone. We're probably gonna do this for a while. Till you get better." I explain.
He nods. He seems to understand the situation.
"I see." He remains quiet, he's probably thinking. "Goodnight, Kaito."
He shifts around until he falls asleep.
I also try to fall asleep, but I'm not as successful. I constantly try to find a good position to sleep in, but to no avail.
At around 5 AM, I've fully given up on trying to sleep. I lie down on my bed, to at least look like I'm asleep. Don't wanna worry Shuichi after all that he went through tonight.
"Thank you, Kaito."
I hear a whispering voice say. I'm not sure if it's Shuichi, who's awake, or Kaede's spirit, thanking me for keeping Shuichi alive, and at this point, I dont really care about it.
"Of course." I find myself replying to the voice.