Chapter Text
It's been almost two months that Shirabu and Semi have started living together, and Semi thinks it's going well. They haven't fought yet (if Shirabu's outburst doesn't count, which it shouldn't. It's not like they were fighting, they were just… talking) and manage their respective chores well. Shirabu likes Semi's cooking, even if he doesn't say it out loud (but Semi knows, by the look of his eyes when he eats, and it warms Semi's heart up). Semi's thankful when Shirabu has done the laundry when he would've done it much later if Shirabu wasn't here.
They work well together, really.
It feels nice.
Though now, Shirabu looks like he's going to kill Semi but Semi isn't bothered by it. He knows that Shirabu agreed to it, making his deadly glare only a facade.
"So, I like starting my gym session with a run on the treadmill. You okay with that?" he asks.
Shirabu shrugs, defeated. "I guess."
Semi smiles and nudges him. "Come on. It won't be so horrible," he says, walking towards the treadmills.
"I already hated that in high school," Shirabu mutters under his breath.
Semi laughs. "Well, the context's different!"
Shirabu stays quiet for a while, before he looks up at Semi. "True."
Semi smiles. It feels like there's some subtext he's missing here, but he doesn't let it linger on his mind.
Instead, he walks on the treadmill and starts his lap. "You can go slower, your body needs to warm up progressively since you haven't moved that much in a while," he says to Shirabu.
Shirabu glares at him, and Semi knows this was the exact thing he needed to say to fire Shirabu up.
Neither of them likes losing to the other, even on different topics than volleyball. Semi has always thought Shirabu's brain was wired differently, since he picked a fight with Semi out of all people: a senior one year older, someone with more experience than him. He decided he'd set for Ushijima, and made sure the coach would choose him instead of Semi.
Semi can't believe Shirabu really managed to do that.
It feels a bit pathetic to compete with someone who's a year younger sometimes, but how could Semi not do it? Shirabu's so talented and smart, it's only right his rightful opponents are older than him.
Like Semi.
It pisses him off to admit it, though.
It even makes him stupidly happy that Shirabu's panting dead hard when they finish running for twenty minutes, even if that was a given. Semi's immature, and?
Shirabu's face is all sweaty, his shirt clinging to his body and his bangs sticky. Semi grins. That's the exact same state Shirabu was in after an intensive long volleyball match. It's been a while he last saw him sweat that much, though. It feels funny, for some reason.
Semi's eyes look down to a drop of sweat on Shirabu's jaw, which drops all the way down to his neck, tracing a wobbly curve. Semi sees his Adam's apple bobble, and realizes he's been staring a bit too long.
"You look tired, Shirabu," he says with a cocky smile, looking at his eyes.
Shirabu glares at him, and Semi laughs.
"Alright, now that warm up's over, let's go work out."
Shirabu makes a strangled noise. "This was only a warm up?"
Semi turns to him, surprised before he smirks, amused. "Yeah, you poor thing."
Shirabu's still panting pretty hard but he manages to glare at Semi, and the latter laughs.
So cute.
"You remember this right?" Semi asks, standing behind Shirabu who's getting ready for a bench press, laying on the bench.
Shirabu nods, but his eyes look dejected. "Yeah."
Semi does his best to suppress a smile, and nods back. "Okay. Well, try lifting that. I didn't put on too much weight, you should be able to lift it."
Shirabu sighs, and holds onto the barbell that's still on the rack. Semi averts his eyes for a moment, still trying not to laugh before he regains his composure. He didn't know Shirabu could look this funny when he doesn't want to do something, he swears.
But Shirabu is still not moving the barbell from the rack. Maybe because he doesn't want to, or that he's scared of it, now that it's been so long. It could be terrifying, if the barbell is stuck on you.
But Shirabu isn't alone, right now.
"I'm here if anything goes wrong," Semi clarifies.
Shirabu looks up to him, and Semi stares down at him, trying to be comforting. It's not often that he gets to look at Shirabu from above, and Semi thinks it's a weird view. It's not a view he often has of other people, even his closest friends.
Shirabu's hair is still sticky from the sweat, placed weirdly on his forehead, and Semi gets the weird urge to brush his bangs away. He won't do it, of course, but something itches at him to do it, knotting his stomach. He keeps his hands behind him, looking at Shirabu.
Shirabu's staring back at him. Semi can't guess at all what he's thinking, at the moment. Is he focusing? Is he preparing himself? Semi holds his own breath, for some reason.
Then, Shirabu lifts the barbell from the rack, and brings it down his chest. Semi snaps out of this weird trance and gets into position, palms held out in case there's a problem.
Shirabu grunts, and rises it up slowly. Semi doesn't see any problems and a few seconds after, he's done.
"See? That wasn't hard. Now do it nine times more. You'll do three sets."
"Fuck that," Shirabu mutters, and Semi bursts out laughing.
Despite complaining, Shirabu still manages to do all of his reps without Semi having to save him, and Semi beams at him when he's done.
"See! I knew you could do it! Next time we're putting on more weight."
"Fuck off."
Semi grins and comes to face Shirabu as the latter sits up, shoulders hunched in exhaustion.
"Nah, you did great. I can see the biceps forming," he says, pinching Shirabu's arm.
Shirabu frowns and rubs his own arm, looking down. "Yeah, right. There's nothing there, compared to yours."
Semi looks at his own arm, flexing it. "Mine? Well, yeah, but it's a given. I've been working out continuously, like thank god my arms have muscles after all of my efforts."
"Mh."
Shirabu doesn't say anything more, but his eyes are trailing on Semi's arm. Semi can see his gaze following the curve of his bicep, tracing the shape of his muscles. Honestly, he could look at his own arm, admiring how his muscles look right now, but weirdly, Semi can't tear his gaze away from Shirabu who looks transfixed by his arm.
He stops breathing, overly conscious of his own body. His heart picks up pace, and Semi doesn't even understand why: does he feel nervous, that Shirabu's comparing himself to him? Giving them another ground to fight each other out?
Shirabu clenches his right fist. Semi gulps and clears his own throat, dropping his arm.
"Anyway. It's my turn now, get up."
Shirabu blinks and stands up fast.
A bit too fast, because he loses his balance and Semi catches him before he falls down.
"Hey, careful!"
Shirabu ends up right into his arms, Semi stabilizing him with an arm around his waist. He could've gone for a more socially acceptable place to touch him, but in the span of a second, Semi didn't think of it.
Shirabu's hands are on his arms, his body pressed against his, and it almost feels like they're hugging, when they have never come this close to each other in nine years of knowing each other.
Shirabu immediately steps back but in his precipitation, his leg knocks against the bench and he almost falls over, but Semi catches him again with his wrists this time, making him stand up straight again. With the movement, it has brought their faces close to each other, and Semi never thought of how close their noses could be, given their small height difference. If Semi leaned a bit, it'd be a kiss.
But Semi only laughs at the absurdity of the situation, letting Shirabu's wrists go and stepping backwards to give them both room to breathe.
"Hey, you're usually not that clumsy! Why did I have to save you twice?"
Shirabu's head hangs low and he turns away. "Sorry," he mutters before going behind the rack, getting ready to be the spotter for Semi's turn.
Semi laughs through his nose and goes to sit down on the bench. When he does, he looks at his arm, thoughtful.
He didn't know Shirabu's waist would feel this small.
The day after that, Shirabu suffers from sore muscles and grunts every time he moves, which makes Semi laugh too hard. As a result, Shirabu sulks at him and doesn't talk to him until Semi apologizes, and things return to normal.
Semi doesn't manage to convince Shirabu to come back to the gym with him: apparently, he really hated it. Whatever.
Time passes by like this. Peacefully, quietly.
Not that peacefully, actually.
Semi is overworked.
Summer is the period where there's a lot of construction going around, because even if it's hot, it's the period where schools are closed and people go on vacation. Public construction obviously has to make the most of this period of calm, and Semi has a lot of work to handle concerning the permits, the budget, the deadlines. Not to mention, it's also a period where his colleagues take their days off, so even if it would've been bearable usually, there's a lot more work dumped on his shoulders. And, of course, his colleagues who have children and a family life were prioritized instead of him for days off, so he has to remain here for the summer again.
How optimistic of him, to think he might pass a nice summer. With how things are going, perhaps he'll only get his leave in September, if he has to handle everything when his colleagues are away.
It's tiring.
Shirabu isn't left to rest much either: he's always busy, with the hospital and studying. Of course, since he's in his sixth year, he doesn't have finals and midterms to pass anymore, but he has to prepare thoroughly for his graduation exam, the national medical licensing examination held in early February. They're still in July so he has the time to prepare for it, but Shirabu Kenjirou wouldn't be Shirabu Kenjirou if he wasn't well prepared and studying ahead. It's an exam that tests all the knowledge learned in medical school and during the clinical rotations, so Shirabu has to study intensively. Needless to say, Semi wouldn't have survived those studies at all, and really doesn't know how Shirabu is pushing through.
In any case, their house is quieter than it ever was. They hardly meet at home, their interactions consisting of post-its and chores done, texts sent and sometimes, Semi picks Shirabu from the hospital, car rides silent because none of them have the energy to say anything.
But weirdly, it's still comfortable.
One evening, Semi gets home and all lights are turned off. Shirabu isn't home, probably on a night shift. Semi yawns, exhausted and with the remote, turns the AC on as he lies down on the floor, shoes still on with his feet at the entrance. He probably should've cared if it was clean or not, but he only notices it when he smells a background lemon scent, and knows Shirabu has swept the floor. It makes him smile. Shirabu is busy, true, but he still does his clean chores. What a clean freak.
Semi closes his eyes, hands on his stomach. The AC is starting to work, and Semi is so exhausted he doesn't even want to move. But he's still dressed in an uncomfortable suit, his bag on him, and he knows he has to get up because Shirabu will need something to eat for tomorrow's lunch, and Semi cooks that meal for them both. Sure, they could always buy something at the nearest konbini like Semi did tonight with his overtime tonight, but Semi thinks homemade meals taste better, and he's sure Shirabu thinks the same as a doctor.
So he groans, and gets up.
Semi doesn't even think. He opens the fridge, decides on a recipe and cooks, then puts both of their meals in tupperwaves that he leaves outside the time it cools down, and goes for a shower. Since Shirabu isn't home, Semi could sleep shirtless but he took the habit of wearing a top, so he doesn't even think of not wearing one and mechanically puts it on. Yawning again, he puts the tupperwaves away with his eyes half-closed, a dull headache hitting him.
He's exhausted.
He's so exhausted, his thoughts become blurry, and he forgets about the couch.
Semi walks in the bedroom and drops on the bed, without even closing the door behind him because he never did that when he lived here alone. His head meets the pillow, and everything becomes dark.
Semi sleeps well. The best night he's had for weeks, actually. There's a nice scent tickling his nose, and he thinks that's a bit weird, because that's not his scent.
What's weirder is that he feels a bit hot. The AC's on, sure, but it's as though he was holding a heater in his arms since it feels warm. Not the uncomfortable kind of warm, but the warmth you never want to let go because it's too relaxing. It's weird. Semi likes to hold something when he falls asleep, but his blanket usually isn't that warm.
He flutters his eyes open, and his eyes fall on a familiar tuft of caramel hair.
His eyes travel downwards, and Semi freezes.
Shirabu.
Shirabu is sleeping right in front of him- no.
He's sleeping in his arms.
Semi can't even see Shirabu's face because the latter is pressed against his chest, and Semi has his two arms wrapping him up.
What the fuck.
His heart starts to beat abnormally fast, picking up as his jaw drops, not even knowing what to do. He knows Shirabu is a light sleeper: if Semi moves, Shirabu will know, and… and how are they going to face this situation, exactly? Would Shirabu be disgusted at their proximity, weirded out? Semi's someone physical that doesn't mind touches, but he knows Shirabu isn't someone like that. He'd get really pissed off if someone touched him during a volleyball match (Goshiki has tons of traumatic memories to tell about that).
They might've kind of hugged when Shirabu almost fell down when they hit the gym, but it didn't even last one second so it's clearly different from… whatever the fuck this is.
Actually, why are they even in this situation? Semi remembers he went home exhausted, but he cooked, showered, and…
Went for the fucking bed instead of unfolding the couch.
Oh god.
He was so tired, he forgot about the couch and went for his bedroom.
But was Shirabu also too tired to see him in the bed? Or did he not mind him because he just wanted to sleep and didn't bother unfolding the couch when he got home? When did he get home, actually?
What time is it now?
Semi gulps.
He has no other choice than to move, he can't wait for Shirabu to wake up naturally, Semi has work.
Wait, why hasn't his alarm rung?
Trying to turn away to look for his phone, he unwraps one arm from Shirabu and turns to see the desk next to the bed, in case Semi left it there. There's a phone and Semi grabs it, turns it on.
It's not his phone, it's Shirabu's. The wallpaper's a cat, but Semi doesn't look at it for too long nor does he look at Shirabu's notifications, his mind entirely trapped by the time that's displayed on the screen, screaming at him.
It's 9 AM.
Semi is late.
"Oh my god," Semi mutters in disbelief.
"Mmh…"
Semi jumpscares, and it's only then that he feels a hand on his waist.
Oh.
Shirabu was hugging him back.
By the look on his face, Shirabu's still asleep but frowning a bit, as if he was on his way to wake up. The hand on his waist is unconsciously squeezing his top's fabric, like he doesn't want to let Semi go.
That's really… cute.
Fuck.
Semi turns his head away, biting on his lips, hiding his face with one hand. No, no. What is he thinking right now? Sure, he's found Shirabu cute some times now, but he's never found him that cute, and that's really concerning.
He needs to set himself straight. He's still half-asleep, that might be why. He hasn't come to his senses.
He gets up.
His arm under Shirabu's body feels all numb, and Semi winces. He's fucked for the day. Really, really fucked, actually. He needs to wake up and realize how deep in shit he is. Shirabu's problem will be solved later, Semi has more urgent pressing matters to take care of, at this moment.
"Huh… Semi?"
Of course, Shirabu chooses that moment to wake up.
Semi turns to face him, and Shirabu has his eyes half-closed, fluttering as he frowns, propping himself up on one elbow. He must be pretty lost but Semi doesn't want to disrupt his sleep, so he pats his shoulder to make Shirabu lie down again.
"Hey uh, we'll talk about what happened later, I'm really late. But I'm really sorry, okay? Sorry, just go back to sleep."
"Mmh…"
Semi looks away.
Nope.
He'll ignore what his heart is saying, and puts away Shirabu's phone before he exits the room and closes the door. He finds his own phone on the kitchen's counter, and it's out of battery. Great.
Semi moves fast. He doesn't even eat anything, gets dressed up in a hurry and under ten minutes, he's already ready to go.
Without even letting himself time to process everything that has happened, Semi leaves the apartment and doesn't let himself think of what happened at all, putting his focus on the dread that's awaiting him at work.
He gets an earful, of course, but it doesn't affect him that badly.
He can't get the image of Shirabu's half-asleep face from his mind, and it weirds him out.
When Semi gets home, lights are turned on, and Semi freezes half inside the apartment.
Shirabu's home.
He groans internally. Yeah, they have to talk about what happened, obviously, but Semi hoped he could still avoid the situation for today, at least. He hasn't performed well at all today despite sleeping well, because his head was not set right. He made mistakes he usually wouldn't have made, and his remaining colleagues told him to take a break, so he returned home earlier today.
He pretends everything's normal and removes his shoes, putting his bag away.
"Hey."
Semi flinches and sees Shirabu standing in his bedroom's doorway, arms crossed, leaning on the doorframe.
Yeah, that's Shirabu. The awake Shirabu that Semi's used to, that doesn't make his heart race weirdly out of nowhere.
That's right. Semi must have been feeling way too lonely if he went that crazy over just sleeping with someone in a bed. Is he touch starved, actually? Maybe he should get back on dating apps, even if he knows it's a bad idea.
"Hey. Uh, sorry for this morning. I was really tired yesterday and must've been out of my mind… I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to step into your bedroom without your permission."
Shirabu's still staring at him, and Semi doesn't know if Shirabu's mad or not. That makes him feel a bit uneasy. "It's fine. I've noticed how tired you look, these days."
"Oh."
Yeah. Shirabu did tell him in a roundabout way that he was worried about him, and Semi thought he should do something to solve his current issues but then, work swamped him and he guesses it did get worse. Shirabu must be really worried, if he noticed and didn't even mind Semi sleeping with him on his bed.
"Yeah, sorry. Work is really busy, and I'm hardly keeping up with the band activities too. I'm overworked, but it'll be better once my colleagues are all back, so don't worry."
Shirabu doesn't seem to buy it, and Semi hates how perceptive Shirabu is. He's too smart to be fooled.
"To the point you confused my bed with yours?" Shirabu asks, an eyebrow raised.
Semi's mouth twists. "Well… my old habits kicked in, maybe…"
"I've been here for two months, and you never got it wrong."
Semi pulls on his tie to remove it and walks around the house to start preparing dinner. "Yeah, until now. Like I said, I wasn't in my right mind yesterday but it won't happen again, I promise you. I'll be alright."
"It doesn't look like it."
Semi's irked. Ah, there it is, the usual Shirabu that gets on his nerves. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, breathing in to calm himself down. It's the nerves, the exhaustion that's sticking to his body and making him even less patient that he usually is. But he'll be diplomatic, and not explode at Shirabu who didn't do anything wrong.
"What do you want to eat?" Semi asks as he looks into the fridge.
"What? You're still going to cook?"
"Yeah? Our stomachs still need to be filled."
"Let's just order tonight. You look exhausted."
Semi scoffs. "Come on, I can manage that."
Shirabu stares at him, unconvinced, but Semi ignores him.
"If you don't say anything, I'll cook some fried rice. We have leftover rice. And-"
"Semi, you're tired."
Semi stops. His hands are on the counter, ingredients in front of him, and he doesn't turn to face Shirabu. He breathes out, annoyed.
"Yeah, so what? Life goes on."
"Yeah, and it's because life must go on that you have to rest. You've been smoking more frequently and playing your guitar less, that's not good."
Semi blinks.
He didn't expect Shirabu to have noticed it, but it's true. He smokes more often than he usually does, but he only does it outside and rarely when Shirabu's home too. How did he notice? The smell on his clothes? Damn. Shirabu's really observant. That's how he was a good setter, too. Knew the states of every player, knew to see when they were exhausted.
Of course Shirabu would also notice everything about Semi, since they're living together.
Semi sighs, pushing all of his air out his lungs as an attempt to handle this mess. He looks at the veggies he took from the fridge for a solid second, before he turns around to face Shirabu who hasn't moved from his doorframe.
"You know what, I'm sorry if I made you worry, but you don't have to. I went through this last year and was fine afterwards. I'll be fine, you really don't have to worry."
It apparently wasn't the right thing to say because Shirabu's face shuts down, glaring at Semi.
"Semi. You…"
Shirabu sighs. He opens his mouth but then, bites his lips, eyebrows furrowed. His jaw is tense, burning up with anger like a kettle that's about to go off. Semi's breath stops. His stomach drops and his heart hammers in his chest, dread overwhelming him, scared of what's going to happen.
But the sizzle dies down, the water stops boiling and Shirabu turns his back to him, fists clenched.
"Nevermind."
He doesn't say anything else. Just goes back to his room, slamming the door behind him. It resonates in the quiet apartment, the AC fan filling the remaining space.
Semi blinks.
Huh.
Did Shirabu just… leave the conversation like that? Unwilling to talk with Semi anymore?
Semi huffs. That fucking brat. Who does that, seriously?
It's really frustrating to live with you when I always see you, you know that? You're so damn annoying.
Semi winces. Yeah, he guesses Shirabu didn't appreciate that Semi kept deflecting his attempts at talking with him, but… he can't help it. It makes Semi uncomfortable to talk about something that isn't bothering him that much. Sure, he smokes more and plays less, but it's because he's stressed by work. That's only temporary, not a big problem.
As for the rest… well. Semi doesn't think it affects him that much. Okay, he grows quieter by moments, so what? He's not as energetic as the boy he once was during high school, and that's alright too. If his head gets tangled in worries, that's normal for someone going through his twenties. Semi doesn't think it's worth making a big deal out of it. He knows he has to get his shit together by stopping to worry and dwelling that much, but that's it. Shirabu told him once when he exploded on his own, and that was enough.
Semi will get his shit together, yeah.
After the horrible workload passes.
Since then, things are a bit awkward between them. Semi tries to act like nothing happened, but the air between them is definitely heavier than it usually is, Shirabu avoiding him. There's more silence between them than there ever was, and Semi doesn't even know how to deal with that. In high school, it was never silent between them: Semi tried to give advice, Shirabu would just cut him off and thank him politely before walking away. After that, there was simply nothing between them, so silence couldn't even happen. And recently, Semi thought they overcame that and became friendly each other.
Apparently not.
Despite years having passed, perhaps they're still the angry teenagers that used to dislike each other. It's resurfacing now, which is a problem, because Semi doesn't even know why Shirabu is so mad at him. It could be a bit annoying to see someone not admitting they're tired, but isn't Shirabu's reaction too much? It's nonsensical, especially coming from someone like Shirabu who doesn't look like he'd care that much if Semi was tired. After all, it's not high school anymore. In those times, Semi's state could've affected the whole team and so, Shirabu made sure to tell Semi off and it pissed Semi off.
But they're adults now, and whether Semi is tired or not has nothing to do with Shirabu. Plus, Semi knows he'll manage it. It's not uncommon to be tired from work, he'll be fine.
It'll pass.
Yawning, Semi opens the door to their house. Silence and darkness welcomes him, and Semi slips in quietly, the door clicking behind him. Shirabu must be on another shift. Semi feels a bit reassured that he isn't here, and feels guilty about that.
He removes his shoes, leaving them messy at the entrance, puts on his slippers and drops his bag on the table, before crashing on the couch face first.
His head hits a pillow, and it feels comfortable. If Semi closed his eyes, he'd fall asleep right there, but it's still too early to sleep and too late to nap. If he sleeps now, either he'll be unable to fall asleep later on, or he'll wake up in the middle of the night unable to go to sleep.
And tomorrow he's working, so.
Again.
Semi is already dead tired from work, and it's only Monday. He has the rest of the week to survive, and frankly speaking… He really needs to be on leave. He needs to stop having those useless meetings, stop making calculations in front of an Excel sheet, stop having to please all the higher ups with the construction schedule.
He's exhausted, and he really just wants to scream. Go for a run, hit a punching ball, anything.
But even that, Semi doesn't have the strength to do it. He can't even move, it feels too good to be on the couch, laying down.
How pathetic.
Semi didn't imagine his future life would be like that, but what did he expect? Everyone lives like that. That's all there is to it. He's tired, but he'll get used to it to the point he won't complain about summers and being overworked anymore.
At least, he guesses so.
Because for now, Semi can't even imagine what his long-term future will look like. Is he doomed to go through this uneventful and boring daily life? Why does it bother him so much, when everyone lives the same way anyway?
Semi can't understand himself and it pisses him off. He didn't think like that when he was young, so why now?
He sighs and buries his face in the pillow.
He really needs to get his shit together. It's not normal to be that fussy for insignificant problems like his.
Maybe it's because he's tired, like every minor inconvenience annoys the hell out of him and becomes bigger than it is because he's exhausted.
Deep down, Semi knows it isn't that but he lets himself bathe in that illusion, and keeps his eyes closed, sleep coming too close to him.
He knows he's making a bad decision but at least, it's a conscious one.
"Semi? Semi!"
Semi wakes up with a start.
He flutters his eyes, dragged out from his sleep by someone constantly nudging him and calling out to him. Semi frowns, squinting to see around him. The entire room is engulfed in darkness, darker than it was when Semi first came home. The moon is hidden behind clouds, making it hard to see in the darkness, but his eyes are used to it and they can make out shapes.
He's in the living room, right.
"Fucking finally."
Semi recognizes him, then.
Shirabu, who's crouched next to him. He gets up, his hand leaving his shoulder and Semi figures Shirabu was the one who woke him up. He wonders why, because aren't they in the middle of the night? Why is Shirabu waking him up? Is there an emergency? God, Semi is too tired to deal with emergencies.
"Uh… What's up?" Semi yawns, running a hand in his hair and sitting up.
He feels a bit dizzy, as if he woke up in a different timezone after a long flight. The first time Semi went to Europe with his family, the timezone difference between Japan and Europe made him feel the exact same way. Later on, he associated that feeling to hangover, too.
And now, with being too tired.
It's only when Semi sits up that he notices a light blanket has been put over his body, and he figures Shirabu did that. It's a bit embarrassing, but Semi will take it.
"Thanks-"
"Why didn't you even unfold the bed and shower? You're still wearing your suit."
Right. He fell asleep right after coming home.
Semi feels embarrassed by it now, and averts his eyes when Shirabu is still standing next to him, his eyes tearing him apart.
"I wanted to take a quick nap and I ended up… sleeping."
"Yeah. And that's supposed to be fine too?"
Semi's ticked off.
He glares at Shirabu, pissed off with a lack of sleep. "Seriously, can we not-"
"I thought something happened to you!"
Semi jerks up.
He didn't except Shirabu to suddenly raise his voice, and it takes him by so much surprise, it dispels his anger and clears out his thoughts, not knowing what to say.
Instead, he can only look at Shirabu who's staring down at him, frustration written all over his face.
"I thought you passed out with the way you were laying on the couch," Shirabu admits. "I checked your pulse and breath, and everything felt normal, all signs were telling me you were just sleeping but… but what if it was deeper than that? What if you passed out of fatigue and wouldn't wake up even if I tried to wake you up? I shook your shoulder and called you, but you didn't even answer after minutes have passed!"
Semi is taken aback.
"Um… Yeah, I don't wake up easily so…"
"Like that's the point here!" Shirabu yells again, seething in anger.
Semi pulls a face.
"Sorry. I… I didn't mean to worry you. It must've been scary, coming home to see me laying on the couch like that… I'm sorry, really. You must've been tired from your shift too, and I'm adding up problems on your plate…"
Semi tries to laugh it off, but Shirabu frowns even harder.
"You think this bothers me because it's making me handling more problems? Because it makes me feel uneasy?"
Shirabu scoffs and puts both of his hands on his hips, in disbelief. Semi gulps, his eyes flickering on Shirabu's face to pick up on his emotions, but all he sees is fury that confuses him, an uneasy feeling churning in his stomach. Why is Shirabu reacting like that?
"I'm worried for you, Semi!" Shirabu shouts, and Semi's eyes widen.
The words echo in his head, ringing in his ears.
"Why can't you even take care of yourself? Why are you pushing yourself to exhaustion to the point of collapsing on the couch and not even taking the time to unfold it or to sleep in the bed? Like sure, work is tiring but even so, why are you pushing yourself to your limits that much? You know people could help you, you know I could help you!
"But all you've been doing is rejecting everyone around you, and you pretend the only problem you have is your work, that you're simply exhausted, so people relate to that and leave you alone, because they think that's all there is to it. But what's going on with you is deeper than that, isn't it? Like, there's been something strange about you, you run away from things you would've never run away from before, you keep quiet when you would've been really loud before and you've just been so weird, like, you, you-"
"Yeah because people fucking grow up, Shirabu!" Semi yells, standing up and taking a step towards Shirabu. "What's got you all conceited like that? We were never friends, and you don't know me! We've only been growing closer for the past few months, what the hell do you think you even know of me? The last time we saw each other was two years ago! Of course I've changed!"
"Stop!" Shirabu yells back, yanking his collar. "Don't pretend this is about you growing up, because you know damn right this isn't it!"
Semi's jaw flexes and he grabs Shirabu's collar back, annoyed. "So what? Even if you're right, so what? I can't see why that concerns you so much-"
"Because I care! I care too damn much and-"
"Why do you even care-"
"I like you!"
Semi blinks.
Huh?
Shirabu seems out of breath, but he's so angry it doesn't even feel like he realizes what he has just said, wrath burning his eyes while Semi's anger dies, all drenched.
"I've liked you for a while now and I fucking hate liking you, because I get to see you in that state without even being able to do anything to help you, because your walls are so high up you refuse to be even seen struggling! You think no one can notice that? You think I haven't figured out you play the guitar to let your feelings out? You think I haven't seen you getting lost in your thoughts at the most random moments, getting all quiet with a serious look on your face like the world's ending?
"But you brush it all off, you just pretend a small problem's the reason, so no one worries too much about you! It was the same in high school, too. I know you were fucking wrecked when I took your position from the team, but you turned it into a silly rivalry between you and me, you turned your sadness into anger so no one could see how deeply this affected you. But you know, when you thought no one was looking, I saw you cry in the dorms. You were devastated, but no one fucking knew."
Semi's out of words. His jaw hangs wide open, heartbeat drilling in his ears, unable to process any of the words Shirabu is saying.
"And I bet you don't even know yourself how badly you were doing at that time, because you don't process anything. Even now, do you even realize why you're not doing fine? You must be thinking you're okay, because everything has to be okay, and as long as you act okay, then everything's okay. But it's not. It's not, so please just talk and get people to help you to order the mess in your head."
Shirabu's panting, tired of talking, and Semi thinks he has never heard him talk that much in their nine years of knowing each other. Semi's stunned into silence, having a hard time to understand what Shirabu has just told him in this fit of anger. Shirabu's fists are still holding his collar while Semi's have numbly fallen down to his sides, and he can't help but stare at Shirabu's face, still creased with anger.
"You… like me?"
Shirabu scoffs. "Is that fucking all that you're remembering from all the things I've said?" he explodes, even more annoyed. "Well yeah, if you want to hear about it so much, yes, I like you! I've always liked you, and the past few months have made my liking worse! You're so damn annoying, really! How could you buy me five books and tell me you should've bought nine books for every year you didn't gift me anything? How could you make me move in with you just to make it more convenient for me? How could you make me shower at your place when I slept here for the first time, making sure I ate breakfast? You asshole! You make it so hard not to fall in love with you!"
What?
Semi's at a loss for words. His thoughts fail him, and his mind turns blank, staring dumbly at Shirabu. This… isn't some kind of fucked-up joke? Shirabu… likes him? Out of all the people in the world, he likes him? Semi Eita? The senior whom he took the place from the team eight years ago, and has always shown hostility to? That same person?
Shirabu doesn't even seem flustered to have said all this, only terribly frustrated. He lets Semi's wrinkled collar go, and sighs.
"Whatever. I'm done with you, I won't care anymore. It's too annoying to care about you."
With those words, Shirabu goes back to his bedroom and slams the door shut, leaving Semi alone in the living room. Semi stares at the door for a while, dumbfounded, before his legs give out and he slumps on the floor, holding his head with his hands.
Fuck.
What even happened?
Shirabu… Shirabu was really angry with him. His worry turned into anger, and… and he talked so much, said stuff that really resonated with Semi's mind to the point it made him angry too, because Shirabu was too right. Yeah right, Semi doesn't let anyone in his thoughts. He only says the ones on the surface, which are plenty enough for everyone. How come Shirabu still knew that Semi was hiding so many more thoughts? That he was just pretending?
I like you!
Right.
Shirabu… likes him.
Hell.
Semi tries to think back of all the moments they shared together, but when did Shirabu start to see him in another light? He can't figure it out at all. In high school, Shirabu was just that annoying polite brat, he couldn't have been secretly liking him, right? But Shirabu noticed how much the change of positions affected Semi. Shirabu's always been really observant… but what if he was particularly in tune with Semi's state, because he was always looking at him?
Semi thinks back of all the times he caught Shirabu's gaze on him. In high school, he thought it was because Shirabu wanted to keep him in check, making sure he'd always be better than him. Recently, he just thought it was a residue of their past rivalry.
But it wasn't.
Holy shit.
It's not the first time Semi has been confessed to. In middle school and high school, he had a few girls confess to him. In university, he dated a few boys and girls too. They usually were always the first to confess, because of Semi's easy-going personality who wasn't the type to take his relationships too seriously.
This is the worst confession he's ever received, though. Who confesses by yelling they hate liking him, seriously? Only Shirabu could behave like this. It didn't even feel like a confession.
Semi scoffs, astonished.
What kind of fucked-up situation has he gotten himself into?