Chapter Text
Hiori took heavy steps down the sidewalk in the direction of his house, he didn't want to get there because he felt that his parents were at home and would bother him after a long day, it wasn't a bad day, but he still didn't really feel like having a conversation with his parents. He walked for about 15 minutes until he got to his house, staring at the door for a little minutes wishing that his parents went shopping or something. He took the keys out of his backpack and opened the door, then took off his shoes and left them at the entrance so he could enter. When he entered he felt his father's hands resting on his shoulders, without so much force, but with a moderately persistent grip.
- Welcome! how did it go at school? Said his father, giving him something that could be described as a shoulder massage, not very pleasant anyway. Hiori tried to hide the grimace of discomfort that he wanted to display on his face.
- Hi, it went really good, thanks for asking. He managed to say in a friendly tone accompanied by a smile that with a lot of effort he was able to show.
- I'm glad! -He made a pause- Hiori, I was thinking that maybe today we could play soccer together like when you were little, we don't do it so much anymore.
Hiori opened his eyes in startlement and turned slightly when he heard his father say that, was he being nice? Did he really want to have quality time between father and son? It was always about practicing soccer or training, but now he wanted to play like when he was younger, when he still didn't know the truth about his parents, when in ignorance he could be happy. He felt how his heartbeat began to go faster than normal.
- Really? Hiori was able to form the words while still amazed.
- Of course, it's good to remember the good old times, isn't it? His father said with a smile.
- Oh, of course... I'm going to change my clothes...
- I'll wait for you here!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What was all that? Hiori wondered sitting on his bed while the straps of his backpack slid off his hunched shoulders. He just couldn't believe it, of course the feeling of discomfort was still in him, but another part of him felt excited to feel again as he felt when he was little, playing happily with his father, eating ice cream with him and his mother while they watched a soccer match, not everything was perfect there, obviously. Pressure and sports exploitation were always present in his life, the only difference is that he realized it later. He stared at the floor for a while and then stood up to look for something to make him comfortable and that would allow him to have a good time. He chose a gray sweatpant and put on a pastel light blue oversize sweater with his black sneakers, he combed his hair a little and before going down he took a look at his parents' room thinking that his mother would be there, but there was no one, he finally went down to the entrance where his father was waiting for him.
- Isn't mom at home? He asked
- Oh, no. She went out to do some shopping, I guess she'll be back later, while we are going to have fun! He expressed in a cheerful tone as he slid his arm over the young man's shoulder.
- Yeah, let's go. Hiori said with a smile. They went outside while Hiori pinched his hand slightly thinking he was in a dream. He glanced at his father and he returned it while raising his hand to mess up his hair, '-If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up ever again.' The blue-haired man thought, with a genuine smile appeared on his face.
- It's been a long time since we both played, I remember that you always told me to put myself in the arch to practice your goals, you almost begged me! Said Hiori's father adding a laugh at the end. Hiori also laughed.
- I also remember that you played much more than now and talked more with me and your mother, you trained much more than now.- He paused with a sigh.- I feel that you no longer want to be number one, that was our dream, don't you remember it? He looked at Hiori. Hiori felt how the smile he had recently faded from his face, trying to process the change of environment that was formed with the sour words that he cruelly embedded in his chest, he looked up and saw how his father had his eyes implanted in his, like he was searching for something.
-I thought that if I made you remember the 'old times' you would be more interested in the sports as before, and I see that it worked. What do you think if we go 3 times a week to play the two of us? As a father and son.- He insisted while patting him on the back.- Hiori, now you spend everyday glued to your computer. Now because of the classes the club's training will be only on Saturdays, but you could... You could put a little more effort into it, don't you think?
How sickening. How repulsive.
He fell on his sweet words, 'Want to go back to the old days?' How dumb, but nothing was more dumb than how Hiori believed everything right away, blinded by a hope, by a hope that everything could go back to being as before, possibly not, nothing would be like before, but his inner child, wanted to persist, he wanted to feel that he could be as happy as before, he wanted to believe. He only remained silent while the feelings of discomfort that always appeared with his parents took hold of him again, making him want to lock himself up, he wanted to disappear, at that moment he wanted to be small, so small that everyone could leave him alone, as they always did. They gave him affection and love and then looked for something to take advantage or left him with his heart already torn in his hands, while he watched them walk away, it was always the same.
- Hiori? Why did you suddenly get so quiet? Did you feel bad? Don't be so sensitive, no one is putting expectations or pressure on you, being number one was your dream, if you want to achieve it you should try harder, and you know it.
What a fucking liar. HIS dream? At first of course it was, but because they instilled in him the idea that he had to be the best, that he had to be someone in life, he didn't want that anymore, after all it was always to satisfy the expectations of his stormy parents, it was always like that. He looked up and decided that he wouldn't give his father what he wanted and quickly thought of an excuse to leave, maybe he was also about to vomit, it would often gave him nausea whenever his father or mother said things like that.
-No, I just remembered that I have homework pending and- His father interrupted him before he finished speaking.-You have homework pending again?
- The teacher sent us homework again..- An uncomfortable and bitter silence formed in the environment while the two involved looked at each other looking for something, again, this more from his father's side.
-You're saying that we won't play and you'll go to lock yourself up to do your homework?
-....Yeah
His father gave him one last look and then his look turned away.
- I guess if it's to do homework it's okay, go alone, I'll go buy some things.- Hiori simply nodded and left without saying one word more. His house wasn't that far, they only walked a few steps before their father's true intentions came to light, he hated him, he hated them, why were they like that? If the frustration of the second place was still there, it was not necessary for them to take out their lack of effort on an innocent son who only wanted love and prosperity, he did not understand it and would never understand it. It didn't affect him so much, of course it affected him that his father played with his feelings again but it was already customary for them to try to manipulate him by instilling that the dream of being the best was his and not at all theirs, that trick no longer worked with him.
In a short time he returned to his house and entered, feeling the mood of that gloomy place, the word 'home' did not fit that place, it was creepy as every time he entered he felt chills in his back, so he quickly went up to his room to close with a latch and do anything to forget, something that felt good, something he would not regret later, something that would'nt hurt. But his mind played against him again, as it always used to do, in his heart and mind there was an infinite nostalgia that forced him to remember past moments in which he was happy with people who were no longer the same or with whom he is no longer in contact, like him. He couldn't help but have a dejavu of something similar that had happened to him a month ago with his parents, which as always had to do with his shared dream, he had the same feeling he felt a few minutes ago, those nauseas that accumulated in his stomach, that made him feel that he would vomit, but when he tried to throw them away nothing came out. When that happened he could hold on to something, someone. It made him feel that he was understood, that not everything in life was gray, that it could be a beautiful blue color, bright and beautiful. But he vanished, he was no longer there, that support that used to reassure him without including anything painful, rather made that pain go away.
Maybe the problem was him, him and his inconstancy. Maybe he talked a lot about his problems and overwhelmed him so much that he got bored, maybe being with a boy like Hiori was not healthy. Was there something wrong with him? He didn't know what to do, in those four walls that he felt safe, they slowly faded and little by little he felt more exposed than ever, he had to get rid of this pain. He came up with some things he had already done, but he resorted to the healthiest; Helooked at his desk, intact since yesterday afternoon, maybe with some open pages that would remind him of what he did in his desperation for answers, but he de-emphasizes them. With short steps he approached his chair and sat on it, placing his headphones in his ears and installing his hand up the mouse, it started to look like a routine. He thought while he saw his reflection on the off screen, he could see his miserable being, no one saw his other persona, he was always happy at school with his friends, but he hid that side that only appeared in the place where he slept. He could'nt respond to being immersed in his thoughts, what was the correct thing to do? A day ago he thought about forgetting everything, everything that happened with his ex-lover, but something insisted him that it would not end there, he felt him so far away and at the same time so close, he felt his presence closer now that he knew that there were high possibilities that he was his neighbor or that he was from the same school and that prevented him from forgetting him, he wanted answers, he wanted to see his face and hear his reasons, know if the problem was him or if there was a more hidden reason for that end.
Maybe he needed some advice from his friends, he no longer wanted to hide what he felt, little by little he wanted to open up more to them, escape from the cocoon that did not allow him to expand everything he kept for years. He grabbed his cell phone and entered into the group he was part of with Bachira and Isagi.
Hiori: i need help
Hiori: is anyone active? T.T
Isagi: hii!!! Did something happen?
Hiori thanked heaven that he received a quick response.
Hiori: isagi...
Hiori: Idk what to do, should forget my ex or should i try again to have an explanation ..
Hiori: im going to rip my brain out I don't want to form thoughts anymore
Isagi: thats not..
Bachira: HIORI!! i would say you should.. try just one more time! If you want I can take you with my friend who is like a mage who can like see your future! hes very cool :3
Isagi: bachira you're NOT going to take Hiori with that German maniac, him and his boyfriend are crazy asf
Isagi: i would say try to look for it just one more time, maybe let your ego guide you
- Still with the ego? Hiori said in a sigh, it was to be expected from Isagi.
Bachira: good idea yoichi!! Always so smart <3
Hiori: bachira don't flirt in a group chat .-.
Hiori: anyway, thank you guys!!
Hiori quickly left the group chat while feeling that the phone kept vibrating, maybe Bachira and Isagi would continue chatting with each other for a while longer,while he had one last thing more pending to do. He turned on his computer and got into Discord to create another profile, he no longer remembered how many profiles he had created, but there were quite a few. He put on a fairly obvious name so that his ex-boyfriend knew it was him and at least took the time to read what he wanted to tell him. He wrote the user in the search engine and started writing. He didn't plan to write such a long text, just one with what he thought was enough for an answer. He looked for the perfect words and then he reread the text about 3 times to corroborate that it was okay. He looked at the send button with fear but he remembered that he had to think positively and beg the universe not to be blocked, maybe after sending the text he could go with the ¨mage¨ that Bachira mentioned to see what fate would hold for him, a forgetfulness or a reconcilation, or a new experience.. He would think about it later. After mentalizing, He quickly pressed the send button, seeing the message over and over again, now sent.
@DONTBLOCKIMYOYO: DON'T BLOCK ME PLEASE hello, I hope you're doing good. I'm sending you this text more than anything to maybe say goodbye to you or not, that depends on you. I just want to look for an answer as to why you ended our relationship, I thought our relationship was perfect, but there's a reason why you did, that's why I need a deeper one, more than the one you gave me in that little text. I loved you, I love you and I will always love you since those 5 months that I was chatting with you were the best of my life, you marked my life for good and you will always have A space in my heart like my first love, I wish that one day we could meet but I don't know if it could be possible, you were the first person with whom I imagined a future, I think I'm deviating sorry. But that's all, I want to know if any of my attitudes bothered or made you uncomfortable and was the reason for your goodbye, that's all, I won't force you to get back together because I will respect your decision even though it's not the one I like. Sorry for insisting so much, please answer me, I love you <3
Hiori gave him one last look at what he had just sent and immediately directed his mouse to the close button, he pressed it non-stop closing all the tabs he had open and began to shake his feet desperately, anxiety began to take over his body, he would not answer right away since it was too early for him to answer, so he had no choice but to distract his mind with something else. In the end he decided to play Dead By Light and wait. He spent almost the whole afternoon like this until at 21:09 p.m The tiredness began to arrive, The boy still didn't receive an answer, maybe tomorrow, the good thing is that he hadn't been blocked yet. He got up from his chair and put on his pajamas to go brush his teeth, while leaving his room he didn't see his parents, so he deduced that they hadn't arrived shopping yet, he didn't give it much importance, it was better for him. Finally finished his routine he went to his room, closed the door and layed down on his bed.
It wasn't an easy day, but he was hoping that tomorrow could be better. He closed his eyes and he felt in a deep sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Due to the tiredness, he forgot to turn off his computer and in the middle of the night it started ringing without the young man noticing.
Discord: +3 new messages.