Chapter Text
Pezzy woke up feeling like he was floating. Everything felt ethereal, with a comforting, solid darkness around him.
When he finally came back to reality, it was soft. He felt at ease. He didn’t wake up cold and tired, like he so often did. Pezzy was welcomed by inviting warmth and gentle snores that nearly lulled him back into sleep.
A solid arm around his waist tightened its hold, and Pezzy gently rubbed his eyes, feeling the rawness around them.
“What…” he mumbled, before everything clicked, his brain returning to the jumble it usually is. “Droid?” Pezzy asked into the air. He now noticed how scratchy his throat felt, and remembered that the rawness was definitely from crying nearly non-stop last night.
Droid grumbled “Five more minutes,” and pressed his face into the others hair, definitely not fully mentally there.
Pezzy would have found his friends obliviousness funny, adorable even, if last night hadn’t happened. Droid saw a side of him he never expected to show anyone, and that fact was fucking terrifying.
Of course, who was he to deny Droid his time, it couldn’t hurt… right?
Pezzy wanted to take in the moment, trying to relish a small bit of the intimacy, but his thoughts pestered him despite what he wanted.
He felt a bit guilty, having put Droid into that situation last night. He had to apologize later.
Droid took a deep breath, and opened his eyes, taking stock of the situation, “Hey Pez, you up yet?” His voice was rough from sleep.
Pezzy tried to think of something snarky or funny to say, but instead he simply replied “Yeah,” breathlessly.
Now a silence fell over the two. They were both awake, yet despite the new situation they stayed together.
Pezzy’s feelings for Droid were definitely something he knew of. Painfully over the years he’d forced himself to just be friends with the other, but now every thought was clouding his mind at once, and he didn’t know what to make of it.
Droid sighed, before standing up and stretching loudly, dragging Pezzy from his mind. He lamented the warmth, but there were more pressing matters, and he followed Droid to getting up.
No words were exchanged between them as they made their way through the house. The afternoon sun lit the kitchen, a stark contrast to the dark room Pezzy had been hiding in.
“We have frozen waffles? You want some?” Droid said, pulling the cardboard box from the freezer.
Pezzy nodded, then realized Droid couldn’t see him. “Yeah sure,” he said, much quieter than the other had been.
He hopped onto the counter. Swinging his legs back and forth under the island, Pezzy watched Droid prepare the mid-day breakfast for them.
He got lost in thought again.
He should probably change hoodies soon, he should take a shower, he should apologize, he feels guilty for showing Droid he’s weak-
“I am so fucking sorry about last night,” Pezzy said what was on his mind, like ripping off a band-aid. It was the first thing of substance he’d said all morning.
Droid paused, taking in his friend’s words. The air was still. “Don’t be. It isn’t a problem to take care of you.” He looked at Pezzy with sincerity.
“But you shouldn’t… have to. I’m an adult, Droid, I should be able to handle my feelings.” The tears threatened to spill, but Pezzy held them back. He had to at least look strong.
The waffles popped, making him jump slightly. It was an easy distraction, but Droid ignored it for a while longer. His entire focus being on Pezzy, it made him look away, anywhere but the gentle look on Droid’s face.
“Man, I don’t see you as any less for crying or anything,” Droid took a step towards the other, close enough that if he reached out, Pezzy could touch him. “Pez, look at me.” He did. “You’re still the same person to me. You’re still you.”
He really started crying now, a mixture of sadness and relief. Pezzy reached out, and pulled Droid into another hug. He sniffled and laughed, “I love you.”
Droid laughed too, sounding like he was choking on tears, “Man, you’re gonna make me cry.”
Pezzy sighed deeply, and after a while, they pulled apart. Droid pulled out plates and began putting together breakfast.
“Augh, now I gotta blow my fuckin’ nose,” Pezzy said, sounding extremely congested. He hopped off the counter and made his way to the bathroom.
When he returned, Droid had set out forks for them. “I hope you’re okay if they’re a bit cold,” he smiled.
They ate in silence, but a comfortable one.
Droid had finished first, and watched Pezzy with his head propped on his hand. Around a bite of food, Pezzy teasingly said “Watcha thinking about?”
“You,” Droid answered truthfully.
The response made Pezzy stop for a moment. “…Yeah?”
“Mhm.” There was another silence, this time there was a nervous energy in the air. “You’re really strong, Pez. Way stronger than me.”
Pezzy chewed his last bite of waffle, buying himself time, “You sure? I go to the gym way less than you.” He was playing dumb.
“Nonono I mean… I don’t know, emotionally?“ Pezzy laughed incredulously. “Dude I’m serious! I don’t think I could cope with half the stuff you do ‘cause you’re out.”
He caught that. Pezzy caught the way Droid said ‘out’ instead of ‘gay’. Briefly he thought about calling him out on it, but immediately back peddled. He didn’t want to force Droid into anything.
Droid watched as Pezzy thought. The other was frozen, his face scrunching slightly. He was definitely debating something, but what? Droid didn’t know. “Stop overthink-“
As he went to finish his sentence, Pezzy quickly spoke over top of him, “Are you gay?”
“-ing it,” Droid laughed at the absurdity. Leave it to Pezzy to figure him out first. He took a breath. “Bi really… but yeah, I guess.”
Pezzy’s chest fluttered. He hid his emotions by looking down at his plate. “Would you ever want to come out to the viewers?” He went in for his last bite of waffle.
“I… don’t know.” Droid sounded defeated.
Pezzy hummed gently. “That’s okay. You don’t owe them anything, dude.”
Droid nodded in response. It was his turn to be lost in thought now.
“I’m happy you uh- told me, though.” Pezzy smiled up at Droid, who nodded gently.
“You’re the first person I’ve told… I guess.” He huffed a laugh. “I don’t know if it’s… important? For our friends and stuff to know, I mean.”
Pezzy shrugged. “It really isn’t. But if you wanted to tell them, they wouldn’t be bothered, trust me.”
“I know, I know…” Droid trailed off.
The conversation died down. Pezzy grabbed his and Droid’s dishes, putting them away to be washed later. He found Droid again on the couch, and sat a bit closer than he would’ve before.
“Can I get, like, personal?” Droid asked.
Pezzy hummed. “Depends.”
“You know I care about you, and I swear this doesn’t change anything between us, ok?”
“Droid… where are you going with this…?”
“Can you honestly tell me what happened last night?”
Pezzy took a deep breath. “I was reading comments on the newest video - the one we did, the big group recording - and uh… yeah…” He fiddled anxiously with his hoodie drawstring. “Someone commented a slur. And uh… it- it scared… me.” He was very hesitant to say everything out loud, settling for a very dumbed-down version. Pezzy began chewing on the drawstring.
Droid looped his arm around Pezzy, rubbing his shoulder. “You uhm- You mentioned high school?”
He paled. Guess he did, huh? “It was… a bad time. In my life.” Pezzy sighed, “Got bullied, y’know, kids called me gay ‘n gross ‘n stuff. But a few of the really mean ones they just… wouldn’t stop. Called me pansy, and fairy, and of fucking course faggot… pretty sure I got told to kill myself a couple times.”
Surprisingly, he wasn’t crying, like he expected. The words tumbled out of his mouth, like a spool unravelling he just couldn’t stop now that he’d started.
“And- and they encouraged it. Told me to keep cutting…” Pezzy began to quiet. “And it became a habit… and I couldn’t stop…”
Droid wrapped him up in a hug, letting Pezzy hide his face from the world again. It was just them. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t need to. Minutes went by, but the comfort they provided each other continued on.
“I’m sorry, Droid… ‘m sorry. For… For being like this,” Pezzy tried again, even still knowing how the other felt on the matter.
“Stop fucking apologizing, Pezzy. I’m here for you. Always will be.”