Chapter Text
Staring at a loaf of bread, Max was seriously debating cutting off the moldy parts of the bright now just to make a sandwich. It's been a few days since she's left the house, and the contents of her fridge and cabinets were, well, sad to say the least. The cabinets weren't completely bare, but any food inside them or the fridge had expired, and Max had very little desire to go out to the grocery store. If she did, she might see one of her friends, or worse her boyfriend. And that would mean she'd have to confront the major problem she'd been trying desperately to avoid: the fact that she cheated on Lucas.
Her phone had been blowing up for days; everyone was trying to contact her and make sense of this sudden disappearance. Well, she's not sure if they are anymore since she turned her phone off completely three days ago. Since then, she'd been shut up in her room, alternating between doomscrolling, crying, and actually pretending to be productive when her mom left for work.
And, as enticing as it is to keep avoiding the outside world, eating moldy bread was just not something Max could bring herself to do, even now. She'd considered it. Oh, she'd considered it. But that was a whole new level she was not ready to stoop to. She may be a lying cheater, but she has some standards.
She grabbed her mom's credit card, which she keeps as an effort to prevent her mom from getting any more alcohol. It never does any good, but sometimes she can borrow it to get groceries, so that's a small win.
She hops on her bike and lets the rushing wind erase her worries, or at least try to. She wouldn't see any of them at the grocery store. None of them have to worry about that kind of stuff. And, with it being summer and all, her friends wouldn't be found there with any of their parents.
She pulled up to the store, and her trip was going as usual. Her sad excuse for a list guided her through the aisles like usual. This was just a normal trip to the grocery store, and afterwards she could go back to being cooped up inside forever. Or at least until school started.
In the bread aisle, Max was searching for their usual brand, and was having little luck.
"Shit." she muttered quietly to herself.
"Need any help there?" A guy's voice asked from behind her.
"Fuck off you creep. I don't need your help-" She whipped around to find the one and only Lucas Sinclair. The person she least hoped to see, next to maybe El. They were probably neck and neck. "Lucas." And it was almost embarrassing how shocked her voice sounded. Well, it would've been if her entire body didn't feel completely numb.
"Max." Lucas replied, putting on a stupidly serious voice. "I thought I'd find you here."
Max's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You did?"
"Well, yeah," He chuckled. "You said Wednesdays are always grocery day, but with how you've been AWOL for almost a week, I figured you may be a little late on that."
"Who even says AWOL," Max muttered. "You're good at your job stalker." She said, putting up her shield. Joking, making fun of him. She could do that. Avoid real conversation. Maybe he'll go away, maybe she won't have to talk.
"I care about you, Max." The genuine concern in his eyes stabbed through her, right to her heart. She struggled to keep her face neutral. If he knew there was a problem, she'd have to talk about it, and then he'd have to hate her. And Max wasn't, isn't, ready for that. "Can we talk? Please?" Then, she has to look away, or else she might cry. She makes it seem a lot easier than it is to say no to Lucas, to deny him any kind of closeness. But she has to.
"I, uh, gotta finish getting these groceries." She rummages through the same loaves that were there before, but she's hardly looking. Of course, she still can't find what she's looking for. If she could, she'd be saved. She could hurry out of the aisle, not have to face the music, not have to see that sad look on Lucas' face when she leaves, again.
"Looking for this?" Lucas queries, holding out the last loaf of her usual brand. She grabs it from him, maybe a little too aggressively.
"Yes, thank you."Max moves to find the next item on her list, but Lucas being the stubborn ass he is follows her, continuing on.
"How about this, I help you finish up your list, then I drive you home and we talk then?" Max speeds up, but Lucas is too fast for her to lose. Screw his fucking basketball training. "You shouldn't be biking back up that road it's dangerous. It's way too busy. " Max just rolls her eyes. His unwavering concern for her is just so annoying, but he kind of makes a good point. It's a main road that people do not go the speed limit on.
Also, she can't avoid this talk much longer. As much as she wants to avoid it, to run and just keep running, she knows Lucas will keep finding her. He always has. And if he can't get through to her, he'll see if Dustin, or Will, or god forbid Mike can. She knows Lucas. She knows he won't stop trying because he never has. When she tried to push him away all of freshman year, he stuck by her. When she was facing an interdimensional wizard, he was there. When she was in a coma for over a year, Lucas never left. There's not chance she's going to shake him now.
Well, until he knows what she did. That's the only way he'll leave. And she isn't ready for it, but he deserves to know. For all his loyalty, he deserves to know about her disloyalty. Then he can move on, find someone better. Someone deserving of all that he has to give. So she concedes.
"I guess. Only because the hill is steep though." She responds. Lucas perks up at this and is like a little toddler, trying to help with groceries. It's cute, and that just twists the knife in her ribs. Why did she have to hurt this sweet boy?
The drive back is pretty quiet, in terms of talking at least. Lucas has some Olivia Rodrigo song on that he's softly singing and humming along to. Max sits with her head against the window, trying to think of how she'll explain it. There's no good way to put it, but so far all she has is "icheatedonyouimsosorryidontdeserveyou", which is a) a terrible explanation and apology, and b) not what Lucas deserves. He deserves an actual explanation, a real apology. Not just some blurt of Max's thoughts from the past few days. And with how much she's been thinking, you'd assume she'd have a better explanation than that.
They finally pull up to Max's house, and she is just shaking with nerves. The shaking gets bad enough that Lucas offers to take in some of the bags, of which there are three, for Max because she keeps dropping them. With what she's about to tell him though, she doesn't let him help.
Once they're inside, they sit down on Max's bed and stare at each other. Max fiddles with a loose string on her bed sheet and grinds down on her bottom lip. Lucas's eyes are transfixed on Max. But they're soft. "Max, what's going on?"
Max really wanted to just confess. To tell him all of it because he deserves the truth. But her mouth had other plans. "Nothing." She continued messing with a loose string, pulling until the sheet crumples a little.
"Don't give me that bullshit. You've gone totally silent. Not showing up to group hangouts, not responding to texts. Mike says you haven't been active on TikTok in fucking days, and he's always on that goddamn app. What's up?" Lucas tries again, placing his hand lightly over Max's, which is still messing with her bed sheet.
Max just breathes for a moment, trying to find the words. She cheated on Lucas, plain and simple. Maybe El was drunk, but she wasn't. She kissed back. She wanted to kiss back. She has a perfect, amazing, lovely boyfriend and she wanted to kiss El back. No matter how much she loves Lucas, it doesn't make up for what she did. She should've pushed El away immediately. But no, she took her sweet time.
How could she love Lucas if she did this? It makes no sense. If you love someone you should want them, and only them, period. But Max wants El. It was a truth she'd been hiding from herself for a long time now. From the day El pulled her skateboard from under her, she's wanted to kiss that girl stupid. She should've realized it sooner, before she went and did this. Before she hurt someone important to her. But she's made her bed and now she has to lie in it. Lucas deserves to know, to have the truth, if not her loyalty.
Max grabs at the string, trying to rip it, but only crumpling the sheet more. "You know the other night at Mike's? Movie night?"
"Yeah. Did something happen?" Lucas said, bringing Max's hand between both of his. Concern laced his eyebrows together in a way that made Max just want to kiss it away, but she lost that right when she kissed someone else.
"Yes, but not like you think." Suddenly her throat burned in her eyes stung. It took everything in her not to sob, right here right now. "I fucked up, Lucas. I'm sorry."
If he was a little lost before, he was utterly confused now. He licked his lips, as if in thought, before speaking gently. "How'd you fuck up?" Max took one deep breath, trying to hold onto the string with her fingers, before she lost it and had to let go.
"I kissed El." Her words hung loudly in the silence. Her skin was crawling, but she owed it to Lucas to continue. "She came up to me and kissed me and I didn't think. I didn't push her away. And, well, then she threw up and you were all still drunk, so I just set everything up and left. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. You didn't deserve that at all. I should've realized sooner how I felt about her before it got to this point." Now she was definitely tearing up. A few tears fell down her cheeks, but she brought her free hand up to swipe them away.
She stared at Lucas, and he just looked more confused, somehow. He was now laser focused on a pile of clothes right next to her bed, not looking at Max. She tried to wait, but the silence was too much. If he was hurt, he should do something, say something, leave. "Lucas, say something. Yell at me, hit me, something." Max pleaded, pulling back her hand from Lucas's grasp.
Lucas just looked disappointed. "Max, you know I'd never hit you," He gently took her hand back, "I'm just confused."
She struggled to take her hand back, but his grip was strong. Not a scary kind of strong. A comforting one, that did not at all fit the situation. "About what?"
"Why are you telling me this? I already know you kissed her."
"What?" He knew. And he hasn't broken up with her yet. He literally saw Max cheat on him, and Lucas Sinclair does not seem to give a single fuck. What the hell.
"We talked about this. Like, weeks ago."
"Um, no we did not. I just kissed El the other night."
He sighed. "Not that. Remember when we went to the skate park?"
"Max, do you like El?" Lucas was curled in on himself. His knees bouncing and his hands clasped between them.
"Yeah, duh." Max replied, licking the sides of her ice cream cone to keep the drips away.
"Really? Even though she's your best friend?"
"I mean, I think it means I like her even more."
"Oh, that's cool. Um, well, I kinda do too. Is that okay?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"I mean, I don't know. I wasn't sure if it'd be a little weird."
"I think it'd be weirder if you didn't like her."
"Probably."
Max groaned and rubbed her hands down her face. "Oh my god. Lucas, that was not the conversation I thought we were having."
"What do you mean? I asked you if you liked El and you said yes!"
"I thought you meant as a friend!"
"Oh."
He was such a dumbass. Boys are so bad at feelings. Max should've known this. Lucas has gotten better over the years, sure whatever, matured or some shit. But he still had his stupid moments. Like thinking a vague conversation like that meant that Max had feelings for El. It was hardly even a conversation.
Max thought Lucas was trying to be funny or something and totally failing. He was pretty hilarious, but sometimes if the nightmares got particularly bad his jokes sounded a lot like that. Some attempt at dry humor that flopped because he was operating on very little sleep and a lot of anxiety.
"Yeah." Max flopped back on her bed. "You seriously thought we were talking about having feelings for her?"
"Well obviously!"
"Okay, okay. I know that now."
Silence hung between them, but this time Max did not feel the need to break it. She had to think. She still kind of felt awful. What she did was bad, even with what Lucas said. They were not on the same page at all. Still, he seemed kind of…okay with it? Apparently he liked El too. Which was a lot to process considering that she was still processing that she liked El.
Lucas finally broke the silence. "Did you think I would be mad at you?"
"Well, yeah. Like I still practically cheated on you."
"I'm not worried about that right now." Lucas said, shaking his head as if it would put the subject aside for a second. He thought for a moment, and then said "Wait, so you isolated yourself because you thought you cheated on me?"
"Yes. I felt awful, for days, and you just thought your girlfriend and your crush finally kissed?"
He tilted his head side to side in consideration. "Pretty much."
"Well, doesn't that still make it shitty because I was cheating."
Lucas thought for a second. Max's skin crawled a little more every moment she had to wait for a response.
"I don't think so. I mean, you said you weren't really thinking when you kissed her back. Plus, I saw the whole thing and it really was not that long. It was late and it would make sense if you're brain wasn't firing at full capacity."
"Well, that's not really an excuse- You saw?" Max exclaimed, sitting up to look Lucas in the eye.
"How did you think I knew?"
Max sputtered for a second before flopping back down on the bed.
"I wasn't thinking. When I did, I pushed her off."
"So it's okay." Lucas declared.
"How is it? I basically cheated on you Lucas."
"You didn't really mean to, and I was okay with it anyway. I could tell you had feelings for her even before I asked and I do too. I liked seeing you two kiss."
"Ew, Lucas."
"Not like that," He defended, rolling his eyes. "Okay, maybe a little like that. But also I was happy for you."
"You were?" Max's eyes were wide in surprise. So much had been said and it hadn't clicked that it was real yet.
"Yeah. I like both of you and seeing you guys happy like that was so perfect."
"Perfect." Max repeat. She was stunned at all of this. She propped herself up on her elbows. She suddenly had a burning question she had to ask. "Do you want to date El? Like we both date her."
"Would that be something you'd be okay with?"
"I think so. Kissing her was nice. Dating would probably be even better."
Lucas faked clutching at his heart and fell sideways onto the bed. "Don't brag like that, it hurts my heart."
Max rolled her eyes at him, but no malice was behind it this time. Just the fondness she'd felt for him ever since they were in the junkyard on that bus. "I'm sure you'll get to kiss her soon enough."
"Only if it's what she wants."
"Right, shit. We don't even know what she thinks about all this."
"Well I think she likes you. She did kiss you after all."
"True. I would like to find out if she'd want to date me."
Lucas began tracing Max's fingers. It was a little habit he had when he was thinking. He'd run his fingers around her hand like he was tracing a hand turkey, or he'd draw tiny shapes into her palm.
"You should ask her out." He blurted. Max shook her head. This was just another thing to process, but she could hardly think about it. There's a line bucko, wait your turn.
"Wait, Lucas, are we like poly now?"
"As in 'want a cracker'?"
"No, oh my god." Max reached for her phone and quickly typed polyamorous into the search bar. She and Lucas read through the results for a few minutes. He asked a few more questions and they looked those up too.
"Yeah, I think we should be polyamorous." He finally decided. His voice was so serious Max couldn't help but laugh at him. The two spent the rest of the afternoon setting all kinds of boundaries and planning how Max was going to ask El out. It took some time, but Max finally found the perfect way to ask her out. Then, they settled down to watch one of Max's favorite movies, Empire Records.
As the credits rolled, Max shifted so she could face Lucas while still being wrapped up in his arms. "Do you think it'll work? It feels totally insane."
"It'll work. I promise." He punctuated that with a kiss to Max's temple. "It's a totally tubular plan, man." Lucas said, in his worst Californian accent.
"Stop! Oh my god, stop." She giggled, trying and failing to push him away. Lucas's arms only tightened around her. "You're the worst."
"No. I'm the best. I just helped you plan the most awesome ask out in the history of ask outs."
"Yeah, yeah. sure."