Chapter Text
Her fingers held around the pineapple drink containing rum and punch, the tiny straw used multiple times to the point she was definitely above the legal limit.
“Her mom died.” She enunciated every syllable for Miles, with his dumb cross country brain, to understand. “It doesn’t matter that she dumped you.” She swore this point shouldn’t have had to be said aloud for him to understand.
Being too cowardly to say anything to a friend, no matter the relationship status, just because of a break-up is diabolical and rude. “Give her a hug and get over yourself.” Her eyes gazed over his form, he looked scared for his own self-preservation against hurt emotions.
Not even thinking about the pain and torment Shannon was going through across the room.
When she looked at his sad doe eyes and frown she just felt disgusted, maybe it was the alcohol attempting to make its way back up or maybe not. She huffed and got away from his bubble, taking another sip of the numbing drink.
Nobody asked how she was.
She grazed her fingers on Shannon’s shoulders, making her looming presence known. “Hey.” Her tone dramatically changed from the idiot boy compared to her grieving best friend.
She saw the stained tear marks and the way her hair had changed from the last time she saw Shannon, remade over and over again. “Hey.” Shannon responded, her voice bringing her even more sadness.
She looked lost and helpless. Kimberly couldn’t blame her, obviously, and she couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going through. She wouldn’t feel this way if her mom died. Immediately she took a big sip of the rum to erase that selfish, evil comparison thought from her mind.
The straw hit emptiness, and when she slurped it just made a slurping sound instead of sucking up any liquid. She shook the pineapple to hear the plastic moving in the wind, how did she drink all this drink so quickly?
She wrapped her arms around her neck, resting her head on Shannon’s shoulders. “You doing okay?” It was a vague question, obviously she wasn’t but it was more supportive than actual.
Shannon nodded slowly, Kimberly couldn’t feel the movement under her arms.
They stood like that for a bit until Elle came out of the shadows, a comforting smile on her face. God, what a bitch. She called for Shannon so Kimberly, against her better judgement, left her best friend with her. She didn’t trust Elle but truthfully had more difficult things going on in her life right now.
She tripped over someone’s shoe, sending a tipsy look towards the boy who retracted his foot quickly. She looked guilt as fuck as she swiveled her head mutiple times before grabbing a coconut cup and filling it with the spiked punch, and maybe she grabbed the alcohol she hid in a bush near the table and poured some straight rum into her drink.
She took a sip and some of negative thoughts about death faded. The alcohol goes through her veins and up to her brain, probably impacting her in the long term slightly but who cares. She took a second, then third sip, and drifted into the shadows of the memorial.
If she was honest with herself, she was angry.
The world took away one of her favorite people and it seemed, to her, that no one cared.
Kimberly knew, internally, that people did care. Elle planned the whole memorial, her classmates showed up, and people donated for the funeral. But, the grief was playing a facade in her vision.
Nobody truly cared. Maybe only Shannon cared.
God, she was being a bitch.
She took a long sip of the punch.
Kimberly looked up to see she was walking towards the memorial table. Photos displayed in pretty frames, some with Shannon, some just solos. The book closed on the table, something she was so proud to have written. Kimberly remembers vividly when she got the call it was being published, the joy and immediate rush of happiness.
She walked closer. She wanted to look at the photos, like she was still here.
Of course she was here, she took a sip of the drink quickly, “What’s up Lizbian?” She blinked away an odd feeling that aroused in her brain when she said that. She was about to turn away, walk to skulk in some corner, when she responded.
She swore she saw Liz roll her eyes. Not that she could blame her. “Not sure I love that, coming from you.” She looked Kimberly up and down, judging her.
Kimberly felt the rum making her just a bit happier. “And it’s Monica Geller.” Liz mentally pointed to the nametag on her shirt, like Kimberly didn’t read it immediately.
“Right.” Kimberly fought the urge to take a sip, the awkward feeling needing to be drunk away.
“Nice touch,” Liz started to walk away, and for some reason Kimberly followed. “By the way. It’s been, um, giving everyone an icebreaker that isn’t totally awkward for everyone.”
Elle. She hated that blonde, backstabbing (she was sure of it) girl.
“It's actually Elle.” Her voice filled with mockery. “Sprinkling her little fairy dust all over everything.” She rolled her eyes at the blatant compliment, though the memorial was nice. “God, why do I keep giving her compliments?” She didn’t know why she asked, not like Liz would have answered.
“Tell no one.” She pointed before retracting her finger quickly.
“Your secret’s safe with me.” Liz responded, in an oddly comforting way. Maybe it was the rum.
She watched Liz walk away and she could have the power to end this awkward, strange conversation. Liz looked at her, the same look in her eyes as when Kimberly told her that they couldn’t continue whatever they were once they were home, and she hated that look. Plus, maybe she wanted to continue it. She followed Liz, maybe a bit like a lost puppy.
“Um, I’m sorry about Robin.” Liz looked up to see Kimberly following. Kimberly took the straw from the drink she was about to sip on away from her mouth, her eyes widened at the sudden memory of Robin. Nobody had really talked to her about Robin. Weird, right?
Liz stuttered, like she was contemplating continuing. “I remember how she used to send you those rad care packages when we were at camp.” Kimberly lost eye contact, focusing on the intricate details of the floor, the memory a fading happy memory from what feels like ages. It felt odd that someone else noticed. “How are you holding up?”
She awkwardly laughed, averting her eyes from Liz’s weirdly comforting gaze. “Yeah, no one’s actually asked me that yet.” She thought back to Elle, who inadvertently assumed how she was feeling, but aside from her no one did. She had friends, who she was closer with than Liz, and they didn’t even send a text.
“Yeah, I’m terrible.” She stared directly at Liz. “My mom sucks… and uh,” She blinked away tears from sprouting in her eyes, “I told Robin things… that I could never tell my parents.” She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from showing her weakness and drank almost half the remaining contents of the alcohol.
“You know, there are things that I didn’t say that I- I wish I said.” Her memory floods with bad decisions and coming-of-age stories, “So many things to say… you know?” She was rambling she could tell, the only breaks were when she drank more of the punch.
Liz didn’t look judgemental, just concerned. “Um… hey, have you had anything to eat?” She reached out for the coconut cup. “Or um, drink? Anything age appropriate?” She shook her head, the only contents in her stomach was just three cups worth of punch mixed with rum.
Liz took her arm, the sudden contact refreshing for how alone she felt surrounded by all these fake people. “Let’s get you some actual food.” She didn’t look back to confirm with Kimberly.
She kept drinking out of the coconut till it was empty. She tossed it in a garbage can, they were strategically placed throughout the memorial. She almost ran into Liz at the sudden stop, they made it to the buffet-style table.
Piles of sandwiches, fruit and vegetables, crackers and cheese, and then bags of snacks. “What do you-” She looked towards Kimberly, “Where’d your drink go?” Kimberly shrugged, the answer obvious. “Okay… let’s get you some sandwiches and fruit.” She grabbed a paper plate, filling it with two half diagonal pieces and some fruit that Kimberly liked, she hated melons.
She didn’t really think about how Liz remembered her preferences.
She led the way to a corner of the room, nobody was near. Just her and Liz. Liz handed her the plate of food, it didn’t look appetizing in the slightest.
The sandwich tasted bland, no sauce, just with lettuce and ham, she thought. She didn’t realize how hungry she was till she started to eat the food, and the fact that Liz was not-so-subtly making sure she ate everything helped her finish almost the whole plate.
She ate half of the sandwich, “You know…” She finished the bite, clearing her mouth. “Robin knew about me and you.” She looked up to see Liz watching her, but not interrupting. “I never told her.” She took a bite of strawberry, swallowing it. “But, she knew.” She sighed, the one-sided conversation bringing her back memories of Robin.
Liz nodded. “My mom knows.” Kimberly avoided eye contact, she never told her mom and that’s why they were like this. Liz slid herself down the wall, sitting with her knees pulled close to her. “Do you want to talk about it?” It being a vague pronoun for the whole death of Robin.
Kimberly shrugged, “I don’t know.” Liz didn’t push, “I just don’t see how my life will go on without her… being there.” She looked towards Liz, her vision horizontal as she rested her head sideways on her knees. “I mean I told her…” She paused, “I treated her…” Another pause.
“She acted like what I would want my mom to be like.” Kimberly looked towards Liz, maybe assuming she would have a disgusted look on her face. Of course she didn’t. “I mean my mom… She literally sucks Liz.”
Liz didn’t interrupt till the conversation stalled. “My mom is always open to chat.” She joked, “I’m sorry I can’t say I understand because I don’t and most people won’t.” She looked, and it felt like she really saw Kimberly. “You shouldn’t feel like your grief is less-than just because she wasn’t your family.”
Kimberly lifted her head up. The emptiness in her throat from the lack of alcohol meant she was being deprived of food. “Thanks.” She said it quietly, not caring if Liz heard it or not. “My mom is also open to chat,” The feelings she was feeling were getting too real for her, “sometimes.” She joked.
She saw the hurt look in Liz’s eyes, hidden behind the tough girl facade she was showing. “And Liz… I know your mom is cool.” She did listen and watch the interactions, even through camp packages, “She’s lucky to have a daughter like you.” She directed the compliment towards Liz.
Liz nodded, the tough girl facade having just a tiny crack in it. She patted Kimberly’s shoulder, “Well I mean it with my mom. You can talk to her…” She paused, “Well anytime I guess, she did get fired…” Liz stalled the conversation with the awkward joke. “She’s a good ear.” Liz smiled, actually smiled, towards Kimberly before getting up with just her feet.
She didn’t look back at the girl slumped against the wall but Kimberly knew she cared, and it was oddly comforting to know that. She hoped Liz knew that sober Kimberly cared too, drunk Kimberly was just better at speaking how she felt.