Chapter Text
“…So why can’t I remember it?”
You slowly lifted the rest of his mask from his face, fingers brushing unintentionally against his skin beneath, until you could finally see the one you’d been looking for.
Clarity from your nightmares. A merging of your lost spider-man and the boy who you’d crossed paths with too many times for it to be a coincidence.
You looked at him intently. Seeing his deep brown eyes and searching for a truth in them, an honesty that was shattered by his broken promises.
Emotion shone from his face and you feared you could never decode it all. To know what the slight tug of his eyebrows and solemn, gentle curve of his lips truly meant.
You wondered if you’d have know before.
“There-” He took a breath to brace himself for the explanation. “There was a spell- it made everybody forget me and that’s why you don’t remember that we’ve done this all before.”
You pulled your hand back from where it hovered around his face, weary and uncertain, but instinctively reaching.
Your eyebrows furrowed together in thought. “Why was there a spell?”
“It’s kinda a long story, but a fake-superhero guy tried to take over as the ‘new iron man’ and then used Mr Stark’s drones to make it look like I murdered a load of people.” He rambled out the reasoning, senses noticing your every wince at each mention of your deceased father.
“Then he revealed my identity to the world and my friends couldn’t get into college and your reputation was falling apart and I didn’t know what to do! So I went to Dr Strange but he-”
You paused, trying to take it all in, before raising your eyebrows in discontent questioning and cutting him off.
“Strange did this?”
“Well it was mostly my fault- I changed the spell so many times it broke the universe and then forgetting me was the only solution!” He explained, running his fingers through his brown curls as he spoke.
‘Only solution’. That irked you. It made emotion bubble up inside you like an unopened can of soda.
“It can’t have been the only solution. Every time he says it’s the ‘only way’-” Your eyebrows furrowed, eyes squeezed together in frustration and he immediately knew why.
He knew that you could never accept that the only way to defeat Thanos was by Tony dying.
A ‘truth’ that Stephen Strange had repeated over and over as if it would be any comfort to a grieving child.
You didn’t have the best history with Strange because of that.
After seeing the look of pity adorning spider-man’s unmasked face, you made the choice to collect yourself and brush past the issue of blame.
You had more questions which needed answers. Ones that burned your tongue so that you couldn’t hold them back any longer.
You inhaled sharply before speaking.
“Tell me your name.” It was more of a demand than a request, but your stoic demeanour was shaken by the your eyes glossing over.
You shook your head, trying to control yourself at the understanding that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t recall it. “I should know.”
His pain mirrored yours; enhanced tenfold by the grief of years of isolation.
“Peter.” He spoke quietly.
“Peter.” You tried, letting the name fall from your tongue, hoping it would feel familiar like a snowball rather than a landslide. It fell heavily.
Then, you waited for him to continue, noticing he was staring too distantly at you to realise you wanted the rest, until you tilted your head ever so slightly in quiet encouragement.
“…Parker. Peter Parker.”
The name felt rushed out as though he didn’t know how to speak it anymore.
It hadn’t meant anything for years.
Empty words.
“Did that used to mean something to me?”
The question felt hollow.
It felt like there should’ve been something more.
As though just speaking his name should’ve caused some monumental shift, to have tilted the world on its axis. But it didn’t.
When the pained expression took over his face, you realised it hadn’t sounded as gentle as you’d intended. It was a curious question because you wanted - no, needed - to know more.
About what you had.
About what you lost.
“I need some details because I only remember half of you. And you’re more than just spiderman.” You’d plead for answers if you had to, taking a step towards him to cover the distance that you’d previously created.
You looked at him with a level of helplessness, determination and desperation. “It’s coming back - I think?- in blurs and headaches but I have something! I think we can help each other here.”
He was silent as he absorbed your words. There was none of your eagerness to fix this. Nor was there any hope.
He tugged at the strands of his hair, moving to pace lightly across the cold concrete of the rooftop.
“Peter?”
The quiet plea captured his attention, unable to hold himself back from softening at the sound.
“We’ve just done this.” He grieved with the light shake of his head.
“What?”
“You still haven’t asked me how you got up here.” Peter looked across the skyline.
You faltered. You’d questioned it for a mere moment before being too preoccupied with unvailing the masked spiderman.
“It was possession.” Peter knew you were too quick to brush off serious danger, but you had to understand this.
“My senses are so screwed up that I thought it was you.” He croaked.
His eyes met yours as he spoke. Pained, apologetic, full of heavy regrets.
Oh.
Your eyes widened, worry overtaking you. “What did I say?”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t *you* so it doesn’t matter.”
“Stop shutting me out at every new question.” The hurt was beginning to morph into frustration and he could hear it in the way your tone sharpened.
“It’s not simple to give you answers. There are forces at play here-”
“And I wouldn’t understand?” Abruptly, you cut him off. “Peter, I’m not new to this world. I know it’s complicated and I know about the dangers. Better than most. So stop treating me like I’m some kid!”
He’d heard that before.
When you were a kid. Years ago.
You were only fourteen.
It was part of an argument you’d had in the Compound before a mission. Whilst everyone was getting ready to leave you’d spoken with Tony, an (intended to be) private conversation, but most of the Avengers had overheard the raised voices.
“But we practiced! I can keep myself safe now.”
“Not against these kind of threats, kid.” Tony replied, stretching his arms out to give the signal for his suit to attach forward, half-distracted on preparing for the fight ahead and used to your requests to join the team.
“I can handle it.” You insisted with no doubt, only to receive his disbelieving chuckle.
Your hopeful expression fell, replaced by a frustrated helplessness as he continued suiting-up, ready to leave at any moment.
“Wait- Dad! Come on-” There was more beneath it, a sense of urgency.
You reached forward. “I can help. I can! Just don’t go-”
Tony looked at you knowingly. You’d had this conversation before and always to the same end.
It wouldn’t have a different after this time.
Besides even if he let you come with, both of you would have to face the wrath of Pepper for you being put in danger.
“Please.” Tears threatened to rise to the surface of your eyes.
“Hey.” He eased. “I know you want to help, but you do that by staying here.” There was a firmness to his direction, the previous humour gone and replaced by an underlying worry.
“I can’t help from here! Please just-” You started, taking a step towards him, before he cut you off.
“We’re not discussing this anymore. You’re staying here and that’s final.” Before you knew it, his suit closed up, face covered by metal. It enclosed your father.
You huffed, shaking your head and trying once more - stubborn as any Stark.
“Stop treating me like I’m some helpless kid!” It was a tempered yell with fear laced into the cracks of your voice.
Tony spoke your name, firm and final. “You are a kid. Not just that, you’re my kid.” He wavered for once. “That means I have a responsibility to keep you safe and I take that very seriously. I’ll be home soon.”
Peter saw the symmetry. The underlying disquietude that was inherent in the words you spoke. Both times you felt powerless to help those you loved. Both times you felt lost.
Maybe this time he could offer you some peace.
He could stay. Let you feel heard. He’d missed you for so long, some sick part of him felt relieved you needed him as much as he did you.
“You’re right.” Peter apologised, releasing his curls from his grip. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so caught up worrying about you getting hurt that I didn’t realise you already are…”
This time he took a step towards you. No more pacing. No more distance. He reached out, fingers brushing lightly against your palm before your hands interlocked in a small but weighted moment.
“I miss you.” You mumbled, certain despite your memories being hazed.
The look he gave you was bittersweet. “You don’t know me.”
Your lip wavered, eyes glazing over once more as your face crumpled together to maintain some self-restraint. “I know enough-”
You were lonely. You had been since you forgot Peter. When Tony died, everything fell apart but the two of you were together in your grief. Without the memory of him, who was there to lift you up?
You released his hand, but kept your own hovering close. As if you wanted to move, but didn’t know how. It wasn’t new. You’d struggled to express your want before. He knew what it meant.
In an instant, his palm found its place on your back to pull you into his arms.
The contact drove you over the edge, breath hitching before the steady stream of tears broke free.
You buried your face in the crook of his neck, the movement feeling like you’d done it a thousand times before.
“It’s really you this time.” He whispered, holding you tighter as if it would keep you safe forever.
“So can you tell me what happened?” You managed, pulling back ever so slightly for a moment to wipe away the patch of tears.
“Someone has been messing with people’s minds, mostly just possessing them, but it’s been… different with you. Whoever it is has been searching your memories; they told me that much.” Peter’s hand smoothed circles on your upper back as he spoke, trying to keep you calm as he explained.
“I think that’s why you’ve been getting all those headaches and nightmares…” He hesitated. “It breaks all the rules for you to remember me.”
“I’ve never been good at following rules.” You hummed, lifting your head to meet his eyes.
Of course he knew that.
That was how you ended up in the worst of situations. How you saw him blip. How you watched your father die. You shouldn’t have been in either situation.
Peter let out a heavy breath. “It always gets you hurt.”
“We’ve already established this, Peter…” He’d said it moments ago. “‘m already hurt.”
A careful hand moved to cradle the curve of his cheek as you murmured,
“If someone needs to go digging in my mind to find you then so be it. You’re in there somewhere and you’re worth it.” A light smile adorned your face. Gentle hope. For once, Peter felt the same.
He leaned into your touch.
“Besides,” You added. “We don’t know their motive, what if they’re looking for something good up there.”
Motive…
He’d been so caught up in all his recent changes and anxieties that he hadn’t overly considered it.
“And hey we could always track down Wanda or some other mind-messer-upper if this one doesn’t work out.” You remarked, lips upturning into something familiar.
“For now I need to keep you away from it all. At least until I know how dangerous this person is, okay?”
For once, you nodded in agreement. No typical protest.
Just trust.
“Fine, Peter Parker.” You grinned up at him. “I suppose you can try to keep me safe.”