Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Five days.

It had been five days since his birthday, and this was the seventh time Hyunjin had avoided him.

Felix sat on the edge of the school rooftop during lunch, knees drawn up to his chest, staring at the city skyline without really seeing it. The breeze toyed with his hair, carrying the distant sounds of students laughing somewhere below.

Normally, he would've been with Hyunjin by now, listening to him complain dramatically about cafeteria food, or watching him doodle absentmindedly in the margins of his sketchbook while insisting he was absolutely paying attention. Instead, it felt painfully quiet

He still didn’t understand.

The memory of his birthday evening played on repeat in his mind, especially the moment in his bedroom. Hyunjin had given him the most thoughtful gift ever, the exact chick plush he had mentioned once, months ago, in passing. No one else cared to remembered something so small. The way Hyunjin had looked at him when he opened it; soft, nervous, full of something Felix couldn’t quite name but had felt deep in his chest.

And then the hug.

Hyunjin had pulled him close so suddenly, so tightly, like he was afraid Felix might disappear. Felix had frozen for a second; not because it was bad, but because it felt different. More intense and more desperate. He had hugged back just as tightly, burying his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of paint and shampoo. For those long minutes, everything had felt right. Safe. Like the world had narrowed down to just the two of them.

But the next morning Felix had woken up early, still riding the warm glow from the night before. He had dressed quickly, eager to see Hyunjin and thank him again properly for the gifts, especially the chick plush, which now sat proudly on his bedside table.

When he met the twins at the usual corner, Hyunjin was there, standing a little apart from Sam. His long blonde hair was tied back neatly, but his shoulders looked tense.

“Morning, Jinnie,” Felix had said brightly, stepping closer with a smile. “Thank you again for yesterday. The plush- I slept with it last night. It’s perfect.”

Hyunjin had looked at him then, eyes wide, almost pained. He opened his mouth, closed it, then spoke so quietly Felix almost missed it.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday.”

Felix blinked, confused. “What?”

But Hyunjin was already shaking his head, stepping back. His voice was barely above a whisper, “I’ll keep my distance.”

Then he turned and walked away, leaving Felix standing there with Sam, frozen, watching his best friend’s back disappear down the street.

He hadn’t understood then.

He still didn’t.

Now five days later, the confusion had turned into a deep, aching sadness.

Felix hugged his knees tighter, pressing his face into it. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Hyunjin pulling away. The seventh time.

The first time had been that same morning, Hyunjin walking on the far side of Sam, barely looking at him.

The second was during lunch, Hyunjin claiming he had art club work and leaving the table early.

The third was in the hallway, Hyunjin suddenly remembering he forgot something in his locker and disappearing.

The fourth and fifth were during group project time, Hyunjin partnering with someone else instead, mumbling excuses.

The sixth was yesterday after school, Hyunjin slipping out the side gate before Felix could catch up.

And today, the seventh.

Felix had tried everything. He had brought extra snacks, left notes in Hyunjin’s notebook, waited outside the art room, even asked Sam if he knew what was wrong. Sam had only shrugged, looking vaguely concerned but saying nothing helpful.

Felix didn’t know what he had done wrong.

The hug, had it really made Hyunjin uncomfortable? Felix’s cheeks warmed at the memory. He hadn’t minded it, not at all. In fact, it had felt nice, really nice. Like a type of something he hadn’t known he wanted until it happened.

But now Hyunjin was avoiding him. His Jinnie. The person who had always been there, who drew him silly pictures, who remembered tiny details no one else did.

Felix’s eyes stung. He wiped at them quickly with the sleeve of his uniform.

Why? Why was Hyunjin apologizing? Why was he pulling away like this?

Felix didn’t understand.

He missed his best friend. He missed the way Hyunjin’s eyes would light up when he teased him. He missed the playful chasing around the art room. He missed the way Hyunjin would look at him like he was something special.

Felix let out a shaky breath and hugged his knees closer.

“Jinnie what did I do?” he whispered to the sky. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

The sadness sat heavy in his chest, a constant ache that grew worse with every avoided glance, every empty seat, every short reply.

He just wanted his Jinnie back.

˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗

Felix pushed open the front door of his house with heavy, tired steps. The late afternoon light spilled across the house, warm and golden.

He slipped off his shoes slowly. His school bag felt heavier than it should have, slung over one shoulder. The small star pendant rested against his chest beneath his uniform. His fingers had developed a habit of finding it these past few days, brushing absentmindedly over its smooth edges whenever his thoughts wandered to Hyunjin. He had started wearing it with him everywhere these past few days, like a small, soft reminder that not everything had changed.

But everything felt changed.

“Lixie? Is that you, sweetheart?” his mother called from the kitchen with her warm voice.

“Yeah, Mum. I’m home,” he answered, trying to sound normal. His voice came out quieter than he intended.

His mother appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands on a dish towel, a gentle smile on her face. She looked at him for a moment, head tilted slightly.

“Didn’t Hyunnie walk you home today?”

Felix paused in the middle of hanging his coat on the hook. He swallowed, forcing his expression to stay neutral.

“...No.”

His mother frowned a little, concern flickering across her face. “Is he busy? He almost always walks you home. Or at least halfway, complaining the whole time about how far we live,” she added with a soft laugh, clearly remembering Hyunjin’s dramatic antics from years of the same routine.

Felix managed a small, tired smile. “I think so. He had somewhere to be.”

He was lying. And the words tasted bitter on his tongue.

But his mother didn’t question it further. She simply nodded and turned back toward the kitchen. “Alright. Dinner will be ready soon. Your father’s running a little late, but he’ll be home for dinner. Go wash up, okay?”

Felix nodded and headed upstairs to his room. The house was quiet except for the distant sound of his mother humming in the kitchen.

He closed his bedroom door behind him and leaned against it for a moment, eyes slipping shut as the quiet of his room settled around him.

When he finally opened them, his gaze landed on the little yellow chick plush resting neatly against his pillow.

A small smile tugged at his lips despite everything.

He'd made sure to keep it there every morning before leaving for school, carefully propping it up, smoothing its tiny wings whenever they folded awkwardly. It had become part of his room so quickly that it already felt as though it had always belonged there. Every time he walked in, it was the first thing his eyes searched for.

He crossed the room without thinking. His fingers slipped beneath the plush's round body, lifting it as gently as though it were something precious.

Then he climbed onto his bed, settling against the pillows before lying back with a quiet sigh, staring at the ceiling. He gathered the little chick against his chest, hugging it tightly, his cheek sinking into its impossibly soft fluff.

It still smelled faintly new.

Somehow, though, when he held it close like this, it reminded him of Hyunjin.

Felix closed his eyes. He missed his best friend.

A soft knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Baby? Dinner’s ready,” his mother called gently.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” he answered, voice quieter than he meant it to be.

"Okay, sweetheart."

He heard her linger for a second, as though debating whether to check on him. Then came the soft creak of the floorboards beneath her feet, each step growing fainter as she walked away.

Felix didn't move. He remained curled on top of the blankets, the plush tucked against his chest. His thumb traced slow, absent circles over one of its tiny wings, more out of habit than thought.

He stayed on his bed for a few more minutes, holding the chick plush close, wondering why it hurt this much.

After having dinner and helping his mother clear the table, Felix finally escaped to his room.

He closed his bedroom door with a soft click. Then he changed out of his school uniform and slipped into his favourite oversized hoodie; Sam had helped him pick out a while ago. Felix pulled the hoodie over his head and tugged the sleeves down over his hands.

He placed his school bag beside his desk. His eyes drifted to the small sketch taped to the corner of his mirror, a drawing of a sleepy chick with messy hair, done in Hyunjin’s familiar, flowing lines three years ago. Felix had kept it there ever since. He reached out and touched the edge of the paper gently, thumb brushing over the faded pencil marks.

Everything in this room carried pieces of Hyunjin.

Just because Felix had kept everything.

The faint blue paint stain on the corner of his desk from when Hyunjin had accidentally knocked over a bottle during one of their drawing sessions. The small star-shaped sticky notes on his wall that Hyunjin had doodled on during study sessions.

He went to the bathroom, moving through his evening routine on autopilot. He washed his face with cool water, letting it run over his skin, hoping it would wash away some of the tiredness clinging to him. It didn’t. He brushed his teeth slowly, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes looked tired.

He decided to take a quick shower, the warm water soothing his body but doing nothing for the heaviness in his heart. He dried his hair carefully, running his fingers through the damp strands the way Hyunjin sometimes did when he was tying it back for him.

Eventually Felix climbed into bed, pulling the covers over himself. Tucking the chick plush against his chest, he closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come quickly.

Suddenly his phone vibrated on his bedside table. The screen lit up. For one brief, foolish second, his heart lifted. Hyunjin.

Maybe he'd changed his mind. Maybe he'd realized how strange he had been and wanted to explain. Or apologize for apologizing. Or anything, really.

Felix reached for his phone a little too quickly, hope blooming before he could stop it.

Just a notification from one of his useless apps. Felix stared at it for a moment. The tiny spark inside him dimmed almost instantly. And, almost without thinking, his thumb tapped on Hyunjin's name.

Without thinking again, Felix started typing.

Felix: Goodnight, Hyun <3

He pressed send quickly before he could overthink it anymore.

Because no matter how confusing everything felt, no matter how much Hyunjin had been pulling away, Felix still couldn’t end the day without telling him goodnight. It had become a habit years ago. Even on bad days, even when they argued over silly things, even when life felt overwhelming, Felix always sent that goodnight message.

And usually, Hyunjin replied instantly.

Usually, the response would light up Felix’s screen with warmth:

Goodnight, sunshine :)

Sweet dreams, Lixie.

Usually, it turned into three stickers. Five messages. One conversation somehow becoming another, Hyunjin sending voice notes about his latest drawing, complaining about Sam stealing his snacks, or simply saying random things that made Felix laugh in the dark.

Tonight though-

Minutes passed.

Felix stared at the screen, watching the time tick by. One minute. Two. Five. The silence felt louder than it should have. He hugged the chick plush tighter, pressing his face into its softness, trying not to let the worry settle too deeply.

Finally, the phone buzzed. At least Hyunjin replied.

Jinnie: Goodnight.

Nothing else?

No Lixie.

No emoji.

No sticker.

Felix’s eyes stung. He pressed the heel of his hand over them, frustrated with himself. He wasn’t supposed to cry over a text. He wasn’t supposed to feel this hollow over something so small. But it wasn’t small. Not to him.

If you don’t like me anymore, just tell me.

It was just so empty. Like Hyunjin was treating him like someone distant, someone ordinary, someone who didn’t share years of inside jokes, late-night talks, and moments where words weren’t even needed.

Felix wiped at his eyes again, frustrated. Why?

He glanced one last time at the chat, the screen still open and put the phone down on his bedside table, then turned onto his side, curling around the plush.

“I’ll figure out what happened.” he thought, a determination settling over the sadness. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll win my best friend back”.

He didn’t know what he had done. But he couldn’t let this distance grow any wider. Hyunjin was too important. Too much a part of his life. Felix couldn’t lose him like this, not without fighting for him.

˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗

The cafeteria was loud with the usual lunchtime chatter, trays clattering, friends laughing across tables, the occasional shout from the soccer team in the corner. Felix walked in with his tray balanced carefully in his hands, eyes scanning the room until he spotted their usual table near the window. Hyunjin was already there, sitting alone, long blonde hair falling slightly over his face as he stared down at his lunch. Sam sat across from him, calmly eating while reviewing notes.

Felix’s heart gave a small, hopeful flutter mixed with nervousness. Today, he decided, he wouldn’t let Hyunjin slip away again. He had spent the entire morning building up the courage, reminding himself that they were best friends, that whatever was wrong could be fixed if they just talked. So he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and walked straight over.

He casually slid into the seat right beside Hyunjin, close enough for their shoulders to almost brush. The familiar warmth of being near him felt both comforting and terrifying right now.

“Hey, Jinnie,” he called out softly, offering a small, hopeful smile. “Mind if I sit here?”

For a second, everything felt almost normal. Hyunjin didn’t look up immediately, but he was there. Close. Felix waited, heart beating a little faster, hoping this time Hyunjin wouldn’t pull away.

But then Hyunjin slowly lifted his head. For the first time in a week, their eyes almost met.

Almost because Hyunjin's gaze lingered somewhere around Felix's face before dropping to the table instead, as though looking directly at him required more courage than he had left.

He swallowed nervously before forcing a small smile.

"...Actually," he began quietly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I promised Ji I'd look over his history notes during lunch."

Felix's hopeful smile faltered.

Another excuse. Just like yesterday, just like the day before that, just like every excuse he'd come up with this past week.

Different reasons with the same ending.

And before Felix could even gather the courage again and open his mouth to ask, That's okay, Can I come with you? Hyunjin had already stood up.

"Sorry."

He picked up his tray without a word, then he turned and walked away. Felix watched him weave through the crowded cafeteria until he disappeared through the doors, leaving without so much as looking back. And the movement was so calm and deliberate, that it hurt more than if he had shouted.

Felix just stared at the empty space beside him before letting out a slow breath.

Sam looked through the crowd, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he watched Hyunjin disappear. He turned back to Felix, concerned.

“Did you two fight?”

Felix quietly answered, eyes still fixed on the empty seat where Hyunjin had been sitting just moments ago.

“…I don’t know.”

Sam glanced again at doors. “Now that you mention it…. Hyunnie hasn’t been sitting with us much lately. He’s been distant. Even at home he’s been quiet. I thought it was just him being moody about art or something, but this is different, isn’t it?”

Felix nodded, poking at his food with his chopsticks even though his appetite was gone. “I don’t know what happened. One day everything was normal- and then, he just started pulling away. I tried talking to him, but he keeps making excuses or moving away.”

“That’s not like him. Hyunnie’s always been the one who sticks close to you. I’ll talk to him later. Maybe something happened that he’s not telling either of us.”

Felix nodded, but the worry in Sam’s voice only made his own chest feel heavier. He wanted to believe it was something fixable. Something they could talk about. But the way Hyunjin had stood up and moved away without a word it felt final. Like he was slowly erasing Felix from his life.

˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗

The bell rang, sending a flood of students pouring into the hallway between classes.

Classroom doors swung open one after another, releasing a wave of students into the corridors. Conversations overlapped until they became little more than background noise, lockers slammed shut somewhere nearby, and teachers called after students who had already disappeared around corners. It was loud. Crowded.

Felix barely noticed any of it.

His eyes were already searching for one person and he found Hyunjin almost immediately. He always did.

Hyunjin stood a little further down the hallway, absentmindedly slipping his notebook into his bag while another student said something to him. He offered a polite smile, nodded once, then adjusted the strap of his backpack and turned toward the opposite corridor.

Felix’s fingers tightened around the strap of his backpack as he watched Hyunjin disappear into the crowd yet again, weaving effortlessly between students as though he had memorized exactly how to stay just out of reach.

And something inside Felix finally snapped. Enough.

Enough of everything.

Today, they were talking. Even if he had to drag Hyunjin into an empty classroom. Even if he had to shake the answer out of that stubborn idiot.

So before he could think twice, he hitched his backpack higher onto his shoulder and hurried after him, pushing his way through the sea of students, ignoring the curious looks from classmates murmuring distracted apologies whenever he accidentally brushed past someone.

His eyes never left Hyunjin. Though he almost lost sight of Hyunjin near the science wing. But then he caught a glimpse of familiar blonde hair turning into one of the quieter hallways leading toward the art rooms.

There were fewer students here. No easy way to vanish into the crowd.

Felix quickened his pace, his heartbeat growing louder with every step he took.

The noisy chatter of the main corridor faded behind him until only a handful of students remained, passing by in twos and threes on their way to class.

Hyunjin still hadn't noticed him. Or maybe he had. Maybe he simply wasn't turning around.

"Hyunnie."

His voice was swallowed by the hallway.

No response.

Felix took another few quick steps. "Hyun."

Still nothing.

His frustration finally outweighed his hesitation. Closing the remaining distance between them, Felix reached forward and gently wrapped his fingers around Hyunjin's wrist.

Finally, Hyunjin stopped.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, he turned around and for the first time in days Felix felt like he finally had his full attention.

Hyunjin’s eyes lingered on the hand still wrapped around his wrist before dropping, settling somewhere near the floor. That familiar look, the one that never quite reached him. The same careful distance Felix had been living with for days.

Then, almost cautiously, Hyunjin tried to pull his wrist free. Not forcefully but enough to leave, enough to put a few careful steps between them again.

The ache that had been sitting in Felix’s chest for an entire week flared sharp and sudden. Again. He was leaving again.

Before Hyunjin could take another step, Felix moved. He closed the small space between them in one determined motion until Hyunjin’s back met the wall with a soft, startled breath.

His heart was hammering so loudly he was half-convinced Hyunjin could hear it.

“No,” The word came out softer than he expected. “No- you’re not walking away this time.”

His voice trembled despite every effort to steady it.

For a whole week he had watched Hyunjin vanish before every conversation could begin. Every lunch, every break, every chance encounter in the hallway. Every time Felix had thought, This is it. This is when he’ll finally tell me what’s wrong. And every single time, Hyunjin had slipped through his fingers like water.

Felix couldn’t do it anymore.  He simply couldn’t.

He searched Hyunjin’s face desperately. He wanted to find something of the boy who used to steal his earphones and let him steal his pencils.

“Please,” Felix whispered, the frustration in his chest finally giving way to something much smaller and more vulnerable. “Stop running from me. If you’re angry-” He swallowed hard. “If I did something-” His voice cracked so quietly he almost hoped Hyunjin hadn’t heard it. “-then just tell me.”

Felix let out a shaky breath, blinking rapidly as the sting behind his eyes threatened to spill over. Neither of them moved. Felix barely noticed the closeness anymore; all he could think about was getting an answer.

“I don’t care if you yell at me,” he admitted with a weak voice. “Honestly- I’d rather you do that.” But his gaze never left Hyunjin’s face. “Just don’t keep pretending I’m someone you have to walk away from.”

His thumb brushed, almost unconsciously, over the inside of Hyunjin’s wrist. A small, grounding touch he didn’t even realize he was making. All he could feel was the quiet, desperate need for an answer, any answer, that would stop this aching distance from growing any wider.

He waited, heart in his throat, still cornering the boy who meant more to him than he knew how to explain.

“Look at me,” Felix said softly.

Hyunjin looked up slowly. Their eyes met for the first time in what felt like forever. Felix’s vision blurred with unshed tears, but beneath them burned a spark of anger, not at Hyunjin exactly, but at the wall that had suddenly risen between them.

“I’m done pretending this doesn’t hurt,” Felix continued, voice cracking despite his efforts to keep it steady. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. But if you don’t want me around anymore-” His throat tightened, the crack deepening. “-then just say it.”

Hyunjin’s entire world seemed to stop in that moment. Felix could see it in the way his eyes widened, the subtle shift in his posture. It was exactly the reaction Felix had feared, confirmation that something was deeply wrong.

“If you’re mad at me, then tell me,” Felix pressed, tears slipping free now, tracing warm paths down his cheeks. “Did I do something? Did I somehow say something wrong? I’ve been going over it every night, Jinnie, and I still don’t understand.”

Hyunjin’s lips parted, but no words came at first. His expression was a storm of emotions Felix couldn’t fully read, pain, guilt, something deeper that made Felix’s heart twist even harder. The silence stretched, heavy and suffocating.

Finally, Hyunjin managed a quiet, almost broken, “No.”

The single word should have brought relief, but it only fuelled the ache. Felix’s voice rose slightly, frustration mixing with the sadness that had been building like a storm. “Then why do you keep leaving every time I come near you?” He searched Hyunjin’s face desperately. “You gave me the most thoughtful gift. You hugged me. And then the next morning you apologized like I was some stranger you’d crossed a line with. I don’t get it, Hyunjin. I miss you. Every day without you around feels wrong.”

A few classmates lingered nearby, their whispers carrying on the hallway. Felix didn’t care. The hurt was too loud. His chest felt tight, like someone was squeezing his ribs, and the tears kept coming despite his efforts to wipe them away with his free hand.

Hyunjin stood there, frozen, the silence stretching unbearably. Felix could see the conflict in his eyes, the way he wanted to reach out but held back and it only made the pain sharper.

“I’m trying,” Felix whispered, voice breaking completely now. The anger fading, his grip on Hyunjin’s wrist loosening. “I’m really trying to give you space, to not push, but it hurts. You’re my best friend. You’ve always been there. And now you won’t even look at me. Why won’t you let me in? Why won’t you let me be there for you like you’ve always let me?”

Hyunjin’s eyes glistened, and for a heartbreaking second, Felix thought he might finally say something real. Instead, Hyunjin stepped backward, gently pulling his wrist free. The small distance felt like a chasm. Felix’s hand fell limply to his side, the absence of touch stinging him.

“Why won’t you say anything, you idiot?” he snapped, his eyes burning again. “You always have something to say when I don't want you to. So why are you quiet now?” He took a shaky breath, anger quickly giving way to hurt. “I've been trying all week. I'm still trying. So just- tell me what I did.”

“…I’m sorry,” Hyunjin finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

The words landed like another wall for Felix. He stared at him, almost unable to believe what he had heard. After everything he'd said, after finally forcing himself to ask, after spending an entire week wondering what had gone wrong between them, all Hyunjin could give him was two words.

I'm sorry.

“Only sorry?” Felix whispered. His voice sounded so small that it barely felt like his own.

He wiped quickly beneath one eye, but another tear slipped free before he could catch it. “That's all you can say?”

Hyunjin looked at him, and there was so much sadness in his eyes that Felix's chest ached. Then he lowered his gaze.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered again. “Please- please don’t cry.”

He slowly stepped backward, and this time Felix didn't reach for him. He wanted to. Every part of him wanted to catch his wrist again, to pull him back, to demand that he stay until he finally told him the truth. But his fingers remained hanging uselessly at his sides.

He was tired. So unbelievably tired.

So this was it?

“Hyun...” Felix managed, but the name came out broken.

Hyunjin hesitated. Then he simply gave him one last, heartbroken look before turning away and walking down the hallway.

Felix stood completely still. He watched Hyunjin's back grow smaller with every step, watched the familiar figure retreat farther and farther away from him.

I love having you in my life, please don’t leave me behind.

His vision blurred and a sob escaped before he could swallow it back. Felix quickly lowered his head, pressing his sleeve against his nose as another shaky breath caught in his throat. He tried to wipe away the tears, but they kept coming, warm and relentless, slipping down his cheeks faster than he could hide them.

“Stupid...” he whispered through a trembling breath. He wasn't even sure whether he meant Hyunjin or himself.

He stood there alone in the middle of the hallway, crying quietly into his sleeve while Hyunjin disappeared around the corner. And for the first time all week, Felix didn't follow him.

He couldn't.

His legs felt strangely weak beneath him, and his chest hurt with every uneven breath he took. He kept his head lowered, hoping the few students still lingering in the hallway would eventually lose interest and leave him alone. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He especially didn't want anyone asking questions he didn't know how to answer.

"Lix?"

Sam's voice.

Felix squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to look up.

Footsteps approached, quickening the moment Sam must have noticed him standing there. A second later, Sam appeared in front of him, and Felix lifted his head up. He could see the confusion immediately give way to concern on Sam’s face.

"Hey-" Sam's voice softened. "What's wrong?"

Felix shook his head quickly, wiping at his cheeks with the sleeve of his uniform. "I'm fine."

The lie was so weak that neither of them could possibly believe it. But Sam didn't call him out on it. Instead, his eyes moved past Felix, scanning the hallway.

"What happened? Where's Hyunnie?"

Felix's throat tightened. He couldn't say it. Couldn't explain that Hyunjin had just walked away from him again. Couldn't explain that he'd begged him to tell him what was wrong and had received nothing but apologies. Couldn't explain why those two words had hurt so much. So Felix simply shook his head.

Sam watched him for a moment. Something in his expression changed, as though he understood that Felix wasn't ready to talk about it. So he didn't ask again.

"Okay," he murmured.

Sam glanced around at the students passing by, then back at Felix.

"Come on," he said quietly.

Felix barely reacted. He wasn't sure he could.

His mind was still somewhere else, watching Hyunjin walk away from him. The memory kept replaying no matter how hard he tried to push it away. Hyunjin's lowered eyes. His trembling voice.

I'm sorry.

Sam gently but firmly guided him by the elbow, steering him away from the main flow of students. They slipped through a side door, past the noise, past the curious glances, until the school’s chaos faded behind them.

Behind the gymnasium it was quiet.

The afternoon sun filtered through the trees that lined the back fence, casting long, dappled shadows across the cracked concrete. The air smelled faintly of grass and old basketballs. No one came back here during this time of the day.

Sam sat down against the wall without a word and waited.

Felix sat beside him after a moment, knees drawn up, arms loosely wrapped around them. The silence stretched. It wasn’t uncomfortable the way the silence with Hyunjin had been. It was simply waiting. Sam had always been good at that. Waiting until Felix was ready.

"Hey," Sam murmured eventually, one hand moving slowly over Felix's back. "It's okay."

Felix shook his head.

It wasn't okay.

He didn't know when it would be. He didn't even know what it was anymore. All he knew was that Hyunjin was hurting him, and somehow Felix still wanted nothing more than to run after him.

“You look terrible.”

Felix let out a short laugh. It sounded broken even to his own ears.

Sam frowned, turning his head to look at him properly. “You feel any better now?”

“Yeah,” Felix lied.

Sam’s voice softened, but the disbelief in it was unmistakable.

“Liar.”

Silence settled again.

Felix stared at the ground between his shoes. A small crack in the concrete ran like a jagged line under his feet. He traced it with his eyes, anything to avoid looking at Sam. Anything to keep the tears that had been threatening from falling again.

He rubbed his sleeve beneath his nose and looked away, refusing to meet Sam's eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Sam didn’t push. He simply stayed. His presence was steady, the same calm reliability that had always been part of him. Felix had known Sam almost as long as he had known Hyunjin. They had been a trio for years. And yet right now, sitting here with the quieter twin, Felix felt the absence of the louder one like a missing limb.

But every time he tried to put the words together, they tangled in his throat.

Hyunjin won't talk to me.

Hyunjin doesn't want me around.

Felix’s fingers curled into the fabric of his pants.

He wanted to tell Sam everything. He wanted to say that Hyunjin had been running from him for days, that every time he tried to get close Hyunjin slipped further away and now it felt like the beginning of an ending. He wanted to say that he was tired of not knowing, tired of the silence, tired of watching the person who mattered so much to him carefully erase himself from every shared space.

But the words stuck.

Because saying them out loud would make them real. And Felix wasn’t ready for real yet.

Why, Hyunjin? What happened to us?

"Okay." Sam didn't push.

Instead, he leaned back against the wall, giving Felix the space to breathe while still staying close enough that Felix could feel his warmth beside him.

For a long moment neither of them spoke.

The quiet behind the gymnasium pressed in around them, broken only by the distant bounce of a basketball and the soft rustle of leaves. Felix kept his eyes on the ground, throat tight, the weight of everything still sitting heavily in his chest.

Sam suddenly shifted beside him.

Then, without any warning or words, he simply opened his arms.

“Come here.”

Felix didn’t think. He leaned sideways and let himself fall into the offered hug.

His forehead rested against Sam’s shoulder, and for the first time in days he let his body go a little slack. The exhaustion that had been holding him upright finally caught up. His fingers curled weakly into the back of Sam’s uniform blazer.

Sam’s arms settled around him carefully. One hand came up and began rubbing slow, gentle circles across Felix’s back, the same way he had done years ago when they were kids and Felix had scraped his knee or gotten too quiet after a bad day. Exactly like the childhood friend who had known him long enough to understand when words weren’t enough yet.

“Whatever happened,” Sam said quietly, voice low near Felix’s ear, “you’ll be okay.”

Felix almost cried again because someone was finally asking. Someone had noticed. Someone had looked at him and seen that he was not fine and had chosen to stay instead of walking away.

A shaky breath escaped him. He pressed his face a little harder into Sam’s shoulder, letting the comfort settle over the raw places the week had left behind. The circles on his back continued, slow and steady, grounding him in a way nothing else had managed this week.

They stayed like that for a while.

Eventually Felix pulled back, wiping at his eyes with the heel of his hand. He felt emptied out and strangely lighter at the same time. Sam didn’t comment on the tears. He simply waited, expression calm, until Felix’s breathing evened out.

Then, in true Sam fashion, he decided the silence had lasted long enough.

“You know,” Sam said thoughtfully, leaning back against the wall again, “if you keep looking this tragic, people are going to start writing sad poems about you. Chapter one: the school’s saddest sunshine.”

Felix blinked.

A small, surprised sound escaped him, not quite a laugh yet, but close.

Sam suddenly straightened his posture with seriousness, rolling his shoulders back and arranging his face into the most exaggeratedly professional expression he could manage, as though he had just stepped into a very important consultation.

“Alright,” he declared in a tone of deep authority, “I’m going to need you to lie down.”

Felix frowned, clearly confused. “Why?”

“Therapy,” Sam answered without missing a beat, as if the word itself explained everything.

“You’re not a therapist,” Felix pointed out, still looking at him like he had lost his mind.

Sam waved a dismissive hand. “I just don’t have the degree yet.”

Felix simply stared at him.

Undeterred, Sam pressed on with the same solemn professionalism. “Now tell me about your childhood trauma.”

“Sam,” Felix’s mouth twitched. “You’re terrible at acting,” he muttered, but there was no real heat in it.

“I’m excellent,” Sam corrected. “I’ve been practicing. Yesterday I diagnosed Minji with a severe case of being sleepy. And guess what? she believed me.”

This time Felix actually laughed, a short, startled sound that surprised even him. The first real laugh he had managed in days.

Sam’s expression softened with quiet satisfaction.

“There it is,” he said. “I was starting to think your face forgot how to do that.”

Felix shook his head, a faint, genuine smile lingering. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Your favourite idiot,” Sam replied. “Besides the other blonde one who currently thinks the solution to every problem is to become a professional avoider.”

Felix’s smile faded a little at the mention of Hyunjin, but the sharp edge of the ache had dulled. Sam noticed and immediately steered the conversation sideways again.

“Remember that time in middle school when you cried because the vending machine ate your money and Hyunnie tried to fight it?” Sam asked. “He kicked the machine so hard the principal thought someone was vandalizing school property. You were still crying, but you were also laughing because he kept yelling give him back his juice, you metal thief.”

Felix huffed a quiet laugh at the memory. “He got detention for that.”

“Worth it for him,” Sam said. “You got your juice and a free dramatic performance. Best Tuesday of the year.”

They sat there for a while longer, the afternoon light shifting slowly across the concrete. Sam kept the stories coming; small, ridiculous moments from years ago. The time Felix had tried to bake cookies and nearly set the kitchen on fire. The time Hyunjin had drawn a moustache on a sleeping Sam with a marker and then blamed it on Felix. The time all three of them had gotten lost on a school trip and somehow ended up in the wrong museum.

“Thanks, Samie,” Felic said quietly.

Sam just shrugged. “Anytime. That’s what the less dramatic twin is for.”

They sat side by side against the wall, the afternoon light filtering through the trees. Then without really planning to, Felix spoke.

“Do you think people can suddenly stop liking someone?”

Sam turned his head, studying him. “Why?”

Felix shrugged, keeping his eyes on the cracked concrete. “Just wondering.”

He wasn’t sure why he had asked it out loud. Maybe because the idea had been circling in his head for days, the possibility that Hyunjin had simply…. stopped. Stopped wanting to be near him. Stopped caring in the same way. And the thought made his stomach twist every time.

Sam was quiet for a moment. Then he said carefully, “I don’t think it happens that fast. Not if it was real. Sometimes people get scared. Or confused. Or convince themselves they're protecting someone. You never really know what's going on in someone's head. But suddenly stopping? That usually means something else is going on.”

Felix nodded slowly, absorbing the words without fully agreeing or disagreeing.

Sam shifted, leaning back against the wall. “What about you?”

Felix blinked. “What about me?”

“Do you like someone?”

Something about the question made his chest tighten, his heart giving one quick, startled beat. His mind went straight to Hyunjin before he could stop it; the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the way he looked when he was focused on a painting. A small, private smile tugged at the corner of Felix’s mouth without him realizing it.

“I don’t know,” he said, a little too quickly.

Sam noticed the smile. Of course he did.

“Is this because of someone?” he asked, voice light but curious.

Felix didn’t answer immediately. He picked at a loose thread on his pants, suddenly self-conscious. Talking about this felt dangerous, like opening a door he wasn’t ready to walk through.

Sam nudged his shoulder gently. “Come on. You can tell me.”

Felix finally shook his head, still not looking up. “No.”

Sam let out a soft, teasing huff. “You know, maybe you should just tell someone when you like them. Saves a lot of overthinking.”

Felix glanced at him then, a small, tired smile pulling at his lips. “That’s easy for you to say.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t like anyone.”

Sam went quiet.

The silence stretched just long enough for Felix to notice. He turned his head fully, studying Sam’s profile. The usual calm expression was still there, but something underneath it had shifted, a faint tension in his jaw, a slight stiffness in the way he held his shoulders.

“….Do you?” Felix asked, curiosity sparking for the first time that afternoon.

Sam looked away, toward the trees beyond the fence. That rare nervousness Felix had only just begun to recognize settled over him.

Felix’s eyes widened. A real, surprised laugh escaped him.

“Oh my god. You do.”

“Shut up,” Sam muttered.

“Who?” Felix pressed, leaning forward a little, the earlier heaviness momentarily pushed aside by genuine curiosity. “Come on. Who is it?”

“I’m not telling you.”

Felix laughed again, softer this time. “You’re actually blushing. Sam Hwang is blushing. This is historic.”

Sam rubbed the back of his neck, still not meeting his eyes. The vulnerability looked strange on him in a way Felix wasn’t used to seeing.

A pause settled between them. The wind moved through the leaves overhead. Somewhere in the distance a door slammed.

Then Sam spoke again, voice quieter than before.

“Actually- there is something.”

Felix waited, still smiling a little. In his mind he was already running through possibilities, someone from student council, maybe a quiet girl from another class, maybe even one of the seniors Sam sometimes studied with. Anyone.

Sam laughed again, the sound a little too light, a little too careful.

“You know-” he began, eyes still fixed somewhere past the fence. “I’ve liked someone for a really long time.”

Felix tilted his head, curiosity genuine and completely misdirected.

“Yeah?” he asked. “Who?”

Sam looked directly at him.

The nervousness in his expression sharpened into something more deliberate. More careful. His dark eyes held Felix’s with a steadiness that suddenly felt heavier than the afternoon light.

“Actually- I like you.”

Silence.

Complete silence.

Felix simply stared. “Huh?”

The words reached his ears but his mind refused to understand them.

They hung in the air between them like something that didn’t belong to this moment, this place, this conversation. Felix’s brain tried to rearrange them into a shape that made sense and failed.

I like you.

He didn’t feel flattered.

He didn’t feel happy.

He didn’t even feel anything that those words were supposed to produce.

He only felt a deep, disorienting blankness, as if someone had taken a familiar sentence and replaced every meaning inside it with static.

Sam was still looking at him. Waiting. The vulnerability on his face was clearer now; the careful hope, the nervousness, the courage it had taken to say the words out loud. Felix could see all of it. He just couldn’t connect it to himself.

His first coherent thought, when it finally arrived, was almost absurdly practical.

He must mean someone else.

But Sam was looking straight at him. There was no one else here.

Felix’s mouth opened slightly, then closed again. His hands, resting loosely on his knees, felt suddenly disconnected from the rest of him. The concrete under him felt too solid. The air felt too thin.

He still couldn’t speak.

The silence stretched. Sam’s expression shifted slightly, a flicker of uncertainty, then a quiet bracing, as if he was preparing himself for whatever response came next. Felix saw it. He just couldn’t give him one yet.

His mind kept circling the same broken loop.

I like you.

Sam likes me.

Me?

That doesn’t make sense.

He thought of all the times people had teased them as the perfect couple comments in the classroom, the way classmates assumed they belonged together, the casual way adults had smiled at them. He had always laughed those comments off. They had never felt real. They had never felt like something that lived inside Sam’s chest the way- the way other feelings lived inside his own.

Felix’s fingers curled slowly into the fabric of his pants.

He still couldn’t look away from Sam’s face. The vulnerability there was so rare that it almost hurt to witness. Sam had always been the one who held things together. Seeing him open like this, waiting, hoping, made something protective and panicked rise in Felix’s throat at the same time.

But the panic wasn’t about rejection or acceptance.

It was about the simple, overwhelming fact that the words did not fit.

They did not belong to this afternoon. They did not belong to the space behind the gym. They did not belong to the version of himself that was still carrying Hyunjin’s silence like a bruise.

Sam’s voice, when it finally came again, was quieter.

“Lix?”

Even that soft question didn’t fully reach him.

Felix simply kept staring, his mind locked in that single, stunned refusal.

Then Sam shifted a little closer.

Felix barely noticed at first, still trying to process what he'd just heard. Sam's expression had changed too, the nervousness he'd been trying to hide now impossible to miss.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, Sam reached for Felix's hand. His fingers brushed  against Felix's before settling gently around his hand.

The touch was familiar, but something about it felt different now. It was the way Sam was looking at him.

His eyes flew wide.

Reality slammed into him all at once. He immediately pulled his hand away and shifted backward, putting a little distance between them.

His breathing came hard and sudden, as if he had been underwater and only just broken the surface.

“No.”

Felix shook his head quickly. “Sam no.”

The word came out softer than he intended, but certain.

“I’m sorry,” Felix said, voice shaking. “I don’t- I don’t like you that way.”

And then, without thinking, without planning, without any of the careful filtering he usually used around his own feelings, the truth spilled out of him.

“I like Hyunjin.”

Everything stopped.

The words hung in the air between them, louder than anything else that had been said that afternoon. Felix heard them leave his mouth and felt the strange, dizzying relief of recognition. The moment the sentence existed outside of him, something inside finally clicked into place.

Of course.

Of course it was Hyunjin.

It had always been Hyunjin.

Saying it out loud made the realization settle into his bones with sudden, painful clarity. The confusion of the past few days rearranged itself into something sharp and undeniable. The ache in his chest finally had a name.

He hadn’t meant to say it like that. He hadn’t planned any of this. But the words were true, and now that they existed, he couldn’t take them back. He didn’t want to.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, quieter this time, the apology directed at the hurt he could see settling over Sam’s face. “I never- I didn’t know you felt that way. I never meant to-”

He couldn’t finish the sentence. There was nothing adequate to say.

Sam looked down. For a second, the hurt on his face was impossible to hide. Then he took a breath and forced a small smile.

“Then go tell him,” He said.

Felix stared at him. “What?”

“Hyunjin.”

“I- I can’t.”

Sam’s brows pulled together. “Why not?”

Felix’s gaze dropped to his hands. His fingers were still resting on the fabric of his pants. He could feel the place where Sam’s hand had rested against his only moments ago. The residual warmth of it made his skin feel too tight.

“Maybe he already knows,” he said quietly. “Maybe he figured it out before I did. And that’s- that’s why-” he couldn’t finish the sentence.

Sam exhaled, long and slow, like something had just settled into place for him too.

“Oh my god.”

Felix looked up, startled by the sound of it.

Sam shook his head slowly. “You two,” he said gesturing between him and somewhere else, “are complete idiots.”

Felix stared at him, confused. “What did I do?”

Sam almost laughed. “Nothing. Isn’t that the problem?”

He dragged a hand down his face, then looked at Felix again. The earlier vulnerability was still there, but something clearer had settled over it.

“You think he figured out that you like him,” Sam said, voice slower now as he spoke. “So you think he’s avoiding you because he doesn’t feel the same.”

Felix hesitated, then gave a small nod.

Sam exhaled again.

“And Hyunnie,” he said, “probably is avoiding you because he thinks you like me.”

Felix’s head snapped up.

Sam gave him a look that was almost exasperated. “Guess having two idiots all my life makes me an idiot too sometimes. I never even thought of it that way.”

“He thinks I like you,” he said, the realization landing with sudden, dizzying weight.

“Yes.” Sam gave a small nod. “And if he thinks that, then he probably pulled away because he thinks there's no point in telling you how he feels.”

Felix’s hands loosened from the fabric of his pants and pressed the heel of his hand against his eyes once more, trying to steady himself.

Sam’s voice cut through the spiral, quieter than before.

“Lixie. Listen to me.”

Felix lowered his hand and looked at him.

Sam’s expression was more serious than Felix was used to seeing.  “Hyunnie likes you.”

“How do you know?”

Sam gave him a look that was almost exasperated. “Because he’s my brother and I’ve known him my entire life.”

He exhaled slowly, glancing away for a second before looking back at Felix.

His voice softened further. “So stop guessing. Stop trying to figure out what Hyunnie is thinking,” Sam said. A faint smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, smaller and sadder than usual. “Go ask him.”

Felix’s eyes stung again. “What if I’m wrong?”

Sam shook his head once, firm and certain. “Then you’ll know.”

A pause settled between them, quieter than the ones before.

“But I don’t think you’re wrong.” Sam held his gaze. “You like him. He likes you. You’re both idiots who spent an entire week hurting because neither of you would say anything.”

He let out a short breath, almost to himself, gaze drifting for a second toward the trees beyond the fence.

“Maybe I was part of that misunderstanding too,” he muttered under his breath.

Felix looked at him quickly. “What?”

Sam’s expression softened. A small, slightly wry smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter now.”

He turned fully toward Felix again, the smile still there but more purposeful.

“What matters is that you go find him. Because Hyunnie is a complete coward, and he’s not going to come looking for you. He’s going to keep running until someone makes him stop.” Sam’s voice turned dry, almost fond despite everything. “So go find him. And when you do, you should beat him up a little for avoiding you for an entire week just because of something that stupid.”

A tiny, watery laugh escaped Felix before he could stop it. Because he couldn’t even argue.

He pushed himself to his feet. His legs felt unsteady. His hands were still trembling slightly. He was nervous. Yes. He was terrified. Yes. But underneath the fear was something else now.

Hope.

He took a step away before turning back.

“Sammie?”

“Hmm?”

Felix swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

Sam looked at him for a long moment. Then he smiled, small, a little sad, but genuine.

“Go,” he said simply.

Felix hesitated.

Sam nodded toward the path leading back around the gymnasium. “Before I change my mind and make you sit here for another hour.”

A laugh escaped Felix this time, watery and quiet.

Then he turned and ran.

˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗

Felix ran.

He didn’t remember deciding to. One moment Sam’s words were still settling in his chest Hyunnie is a complete coward, and he’s not going to come looking for you and the next his feet were already carrying him back around the gymnasium, past the quiet concrete, toward the main building. The afternoon air felt sharper against his face. And his heart was pounding hard enough that he could feel it in his throat.

He didn’t know exactly where Hyunjin would be. He only knew he had to find him.

The art room came first.

It was the most obvious place. Hyunjin almost always ended up there when something was wrong, when he needed to disappear into paint and silence. Felix had found him there more times than he could count, after bad days, after arguments, after the kind of moods that made Hyunjin go still and distant. The art room had always been where he went to breathe.

Felix pushed the door open without knocking.

The room was empty.

Afternoon light slanted across the easels and scattered brushes, but there was no sign of Hyunjin. No familiar figure bent over a painting.

Felix stood there for a second, breathing hard, the hope that had been rising in his chest dipping sharply.

Of course he wasn’t here.

He turned and left.

The hallways were quieter than they should have been. Felix only realized why when he passed a classroom and caught the low murmur of a teacher’s voice through the door. The last period had already started. He and Sam had been behind the gym for so long that they had completely missed the bell. It didn’t matter right now. Nothing mattered except finding Hyunjin.

So the first student he stopped looked confused when Felix grabbed their sleeve a little too tightly.

“Have you seen Hyunjin? Hwang Hyunjin. Blonde hair. Tall.”

The student shook their head. “Not since lunch, I think.”

Felix let go and kept moving.

He asked another student. He checked the stairwells next, taking them two at a time, calling Hyunjin’s name once in a voice that came out thinner than he meant it to. He checked the library, scanning the tables and the rows of shelves even though he already knew Hyunjin almost never went there when he was upset. He checked the courtyard, the empty benches, the spot under the oak tree where they sometimes ate lunch when the weather was good.

Nothing.

The more he searched, the more the earlier conversation with Sam replayed in his head. He thinks you like me. He’s been avoiding you because he thinks you like me. The pieces kept rearranging themselves, making the past week look completely different. Every time Hyunjin had stood up from the cafeteria table. Every short reply. Every careful step backward. All of it rooted in a misunderstanding so large and so quiet that neither of them had seen it clearly until now.

By the time he reached the upper floors, his breathing had gone uneven. The school felt too big. Too full of empty rooms and quiet corridors. He had checked everywhere he could think and still nothing.

Felix stopped in the middle of the top-floor hallway, one hand braced against the wall, trying to steady himself. His pulse was still racing. The earlier determination was starting to fray at the edges, replaced by a kind of fear.

What if he already left?

He turned toward the last place he hadn’t checked.

The rooftop door was at the end of the hallway, slightly ajar the way it always was when someone had gone up there and not fully closed it behind them. Felix had found Hyunjin on the rooftop more than once over the years. It was the place Hyunjin went when he needed the sky more than walls.

Felix’s hand closed around the handle and pushed the door open.

The afternoon air rushed in, cooler and clearer than the hallway. The rooftop stretched out in front of him, concrete and low railings and the wide, open sky. For a second he didn’t see anyone.

Then he did.

Near the far edge, half-hidden by the angle of the stairwell wall, a familiar figure was sitting with his back against the concrete, long blonde hair falling forward as he stared out at the city.

Hyunjin.

Felix’s breath left him in a single, shaky exhale.

He stepped fully onto the rooftop, the door swinging shut behind him with a soft click. His heart was still hammering, but the frantic edge of the search had transformed into something sharper and more focused.

Hyunjin was here.

Seeing Hyunjin, after the last encounter, whatever was keeping him anchored finally let go.

He crossed the rooftop in a few long strides. Before Hyunjin could fully turn at the sound of footsteps, Felix reached down, caught the front of his uniform in both hands and hauled him up.

“How dare you,” Felix said, voice already breaking.

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide. “Lix-?”

“How dare you ignore me for an entire week,” Felix continued, the words tumbling out too fast, too sharp, tears already burning at the edges of his vision. “How dare you walk away every single time I tried to talk to you? How dare you decide something without ever asking me? Without ever confirming anything with me.”

Hyunjin stared at him, clearly not understanding yet. His hands hovered uselessly at his sides, caught between pushing Felix away and not knowing if he was allowed to.

Felix’s grip on the collar tightened. Tears slipped free and ran down his cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them away. He was too angry. Too hurt. Too relieved to have finally found him.

“You just assumed,” Felix said, voice rising. “You assumed I liked someone else. You assumed I didn’t want you around. You assumed everything and then you left.” his words tumbled out in a furious rush. “Do you know what that felt like? Do you have any idea what it was like watching you disappear every time I got close?”

Hyunjin formed the shape of the next syllable, but nothing broke out. He still looked stunned, like he couldn’t quite catch up to the fact that Felix was here, crying, holding onto him like he might vanish again.

Felix shook him once, not hard, just enough to make the point land.

“I spent days thinking I did something wrong,” he said, the anger cracking into something rawer. “I spent nights staring at your short messages wondering why my best friend suddenly decided I wasn’t worth staying for. And the whole time you were just- just running because you thought I liked Sam?”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened further.

Felix’s voice broke completely on the next words.

“I don’t like Sam,” he said, the confession tearing out of him. “I like you. I’ve liked you. I’ve liked you for a long time- not in the way we've always said it. Romantically- in case you somehow still don't understand. And- and you didn’t even give me the chance to say it because you decided for both of us.”

The rooftop went very quiet.

Hyunjin’s entire expression had gone blank with shock. The exhaustion that had been sitting in his face for days was still there, but now it was layered under something deeper; pure, stunned disbelief. He didn’t speak nor did he move. He just looked at Felix like the words hadn’t fully reached him yet.

The silence stretched.

Felix’s anger began to drain as quickly as it had risen, leaving only the fear underneath. His grip on Hyunjin’s collar loosened without him meaning to. His hands were shaking now and the tears kept falling.

His voice came out much smaller. Insecure. Like he was almost afraid of the answer.

“….Do you like me?”

Hyunjin blinked once, as if Felix’s voice had finally managed to reach him through whatever fog had settled over his mind.

“Say it again,” his voice came out rough.

Felix frowned slightly, confused. “What?”

Hyunjin stared at him as though he still couldn't quite believe it. “Please…. say it again.”

Felix blinked. “Do you- like me?”

“Not that,” Hyunjin said quickly. His eyes were glassy. “The other thing. What you said before. Say it again.”

Felix stared at him for another second before understanding. His heart was hammering so hard it hurt.

“I like you,” he said, quieter this time but clearer. “I like you, Hyunjin.”

Felix barely had time to breathe. One second Hyunjin was staring at him, and the next, he was practically slamming into Felix, arms wrapping around him so tightly it forced the air from Felix’s lungs. The force of it made Felix stumble back a step before he caught them both. Hyunjin’s face buried itself against his shoulder, and Felix could only stand there, eyes wide, arms hovering uselessly at his sides as his mind struggled to catch up with what had just happened.

And then he felt the first wetness of tears against the side of his neck.

Hyunjin was crying. Really crying.

Felix’s arms came up automatically, one hand settling against the back of Hyunjin’s head, the other rubbing slow circles across his back the way he had always done when they were younger. The anger was completely gone now. All that remained was the overwhelming, almost painful relief of finally having him this close again.

“I like you,” Felix whispered again, softer, into Hyunjin’s hair. “I’ve liked you for so long.”

Hyunjin only held on tighter, shoulders shaking. He didn’t speak. He just kept crying, the sound muffled against Felix’s uniform.

Felix kept holding him. Kept stroking his hair. Kept murmuring the same words over and over because it felt like they were the only ones that mattered.

After a long time, when the worst of the shaking had eased, Felix pulled back just enough to look at him. Hyunjin’s eyes were red, his cheeks wet, his expression still wrecked and disbelieving.

Felix managed a small, watery smile.

“So?” he asked, the teasing edge soft and gentle. “Do you like me or not?”

Hyunjin looked at him like the question was the most serious thing in the world.

He raised both hands, cupping Felix’s face carefully, thumbs brushing away the tears that still lingered on his cheeks. His own eyes were still shining.

“I do,” Hyunjin said, voice rough and full of everything he had been holding back. “I’ve liked you since we were kids. Since the first time you looked at one of my drawings like it was something worth loving. I’ve liked you through every year, every birthday, every time you sat next to me like it was the most natural thing in the world. I’ve liked you so much it hurt. And this past week I thought I was losing you, and I didn’t know how to stay.”

His forehead dropped against Felix’s.

“I like you,” he whispered again. “I love you. So much.”

Felix’s eyes burned all over again, but this time the tears that slipped free felt different.

He looked up at Hyunjin, eyes still wet.

“Then why were you ignoring me?” he asked softly.

Hyunjin pulled back just enough to look at Felix, his tear-filled eyes searching his face as though he still couldn't quite believe that Felix was really there, really his. When he answered, his voice was thick and unsteady in a way Felix had almost never heard from him.

“I’m so sorry,” Hyunjin said. “I’m so, so sorry, Lix. I thought- I thought you liked Sam. Everyone kept saying it. I kept watching the two of you and I convinced myself I was just- in the way. I thought if I stayed close, I’d ruin something. I thought pulling away was the only way to keep from hurting me. I was wrong. I was so wrong.”

Felix’s grip on the front of Hyunjin’s shirt loosened as the words sank in, and the last of the anger drained out of him completely, leaving only the residual hurt and the overwhelming relief of finally having an answer.

But Hyunjin didn’t wait for him to respond.

He pulled Felix in properly this time, arms wrapping around him so completely that Felix fit against him like he had always belonged there. Because Hyunjin was taller, the hug swallowed him easily. Felix’s face ended up pressed into the curve of Hyunjin’s shoulder, only the top of his head and his eyes peeking out beside it. Hyunjin held him so tightly it almost stole the air from his lungs, and then he started swaying them gently; left, then right, then left again; the same way he used to when they were younger and Felix needed calming after a long day.

Felix melted into it.

His arms came up around Hyunjin’s waist, holding on just as tightly, face still half-hidden against his shoulder. He could feel Hyunjin’s heartbeat against his, still too fast, still uneven.

Felix’s own eyes burned all over again, but this time the tears that slipped free felt different. Softer. He tightened his arms and started rubbing slow circles across Hyunjin’s back, his other hand coming up to gently stroke through the long blonde hair that had come half-loose from its tie.

“I’ve liked you for so long,” Felix whispered against the curve of his shoulder. “I didn’t realize until now, but I’ve liked you for so long. And then you started avoiding me and I thought-” His voice caught. “I thought I was losing you.”

Hyunjin only held him tighter, still swaying them slowly left and right.

“I thought I was losing you too,” he said. “I thought you and Sam- I thought if I stayed I’d only make it harder. I was so stupid. I was so stupid, Lix.”

Felix grinned into his shoulder. “You’re still being dramatic,” he mumbled, but the words were fond.

Hyunjin let out a wet, broken laugh against his hair and kissed the top of his head again. “I’ve been dramatic about you for years.”

Warmth spread through Felix’s chest, reaching all the way up to his cheeks. He tucked his face a little further into Hyunjin’s shoulder, suddenly far too shy to let him see the smile that had taken over his face.

He couldn't believe he was actually hearing this. Couldn't believe the person he'd spent so long secretly loving had been carrying the same feelings all along.

Hyunjin kept holding him. Kept swaying them gently. Kept pressing soft, disbelieving kisses against Felix’s temple, his cheek, the shell of his ear, the side of his neck, anywhere he could reach without letting go.

Felix kept smiling into his shoulder, eyes wet, hands moving slowly through Hyunjin’s hair and down his back. Every kiss made the leftover fear ease a little more.

And when he pulled back just enough to look at him properly, Hyunjin didn’t let him go far. He pulled him back in almost immediately, arms wrapping around him again, and this time the sway was slower, softer.

“I can’t believe I get to hold you like this.”

Felix laughed quietly against his shoulder, the sound still a little watery. “You’re going to make me cry again if you keep talking like that.”

“Good,” Hyunjin murmured, pressing another kiss against the side of his head. “Cry. I’ll hold you for as long as you need to while you cry. I’ve been holding everything in for so long I think I deserve to see you cry a little from happiness instead of sadness.”

Felix pinched his side lightly in protest, but he was still grinning. “You’re the worst.”

Hyunjin laughed and hugged him even tighter, still rocking them gently left and right under the open sky.

They stayed like that for a long time.

Talking. Teasing. Kissing soft places. Saying the same soft truths over and over because neither of them was quite ready to stop hearing them.

And for the first time in a week, Felix felt completely, perfectly safe.

˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗