Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Jabber’s relationship with Jay was just like any other from an outside point of view. Dates, hugs, laughter, typical relationship stuff. This upcoming Friday would mark three months of them being together.

Three months since Jabber has spoken to Zanka. 

They still live together and cross paths every so often, but neither of them have tried to communicate or do anything past a glance. Eventually, the glances stopped too and it was like they were two stubborn strangers, trapped together in a box of survival.  

“What’s on that brain of yours?” Jay softly poked Jabber’s temple and leaned closer toward him, enough that Jay’s warm breath found shelter on the side of Jabber’s face. 

Jabber looked over at Jay with a smile, not his usual chaotic one, just something a little further. He closed the remaining distance between the two and planted a kiss on Jay’s cheek. “Just…bored I guess.” He mumbled against the soft skin. “We should go out today. Do something special after classes.” 

Jay’s face dropped slightly as he drifted his gaze elsewhere, something he did when he felt sorry or sympathetic. Jabber picked up on his little quirk as it reminded him of Zanka. Except, Zanka would avert his gaze and stare off into nothingness when his feelings were too strong to hide or cover with normalcy. 

“I have to work today after my last class.” For a split second, Jabber stared at Jay confused. He had completely forgotten about their current conversation in a matter of seconds. 

Good thing Jay wasn’t looking in his direction because the man would definitely question him. Jabber rubbed Jay’s arms slowly as a way to show his understanding. “It’s cool, man. We can go out another time.” 

“I’ll make sure I have Friday off, I promise!” Jay’s head shot up so fast as he looked at Jabber with determination. Jabber just gave him a small smile before sitting up from the bed and reaching for his earlier discarded shirt. 

“Well I should get going. I have a lot of shit to get done today.” Jabber grabbed the rest of his things before turning and heading out the apartment. When he got to the front door he felt a presence behind him, he looked back he saw Jay. 

Jay was staring at him with an awkward look in his eye. It made Jabber stare at him in blatant confusion. “You need-”

“I love you, Jabber.” 

The silence after those four words was heavier than anything he’d ever felt with anyone. The hand Jabber had on the door began to tremble slightly. He felt frozen, no words coming to his mind. “I-I…uh.” His attempts to speak were strained and weak. 

Jay stared at Jabber expectantly. Soon, that expected glance turned into disappointment and slight annoyance. “Bye, Jabber.” Jay turned and went back to his room, leaving Jabber glued to the door in front of him. 

It took him a second but he opened the door and left as fast as he could. The early morning air gave him chills as he walked back to his dorm, full of circling thoughts that spiraled more and more until Jabber just couldn't take it anymore. He felt so stupid for how he acted with three simple words. Words that they had never said to each other until that point.

He knew that the best thing he should do would be to go back and apologize to Jay. But, Jabber also knew that if he went back Jay would probably try to get him to say it back.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Jay. He truly does like him. He enjoyed their dates, Jay’s company, and even the few times they had sex. Jay was a wonderful boyfriend, but it was just something about saying that he loved Jay that felt wrong. Just the thought alone made Jabber’s stomach burn. 

He hated it. Jabber told himself over and over that the wicked feeling would just dissipate with time. Maybe three months just wasn’t enough time. 

When Jabber got back to his dorm, he showered and dressed himself to get ready for the school day. Jabber loved the college experience. He loved the friends he made, the parties, the drugs and alcohol, and especially basketball. But, he fucking hated going to class. 

The day passed by excruciatingly slowly. It felt like every few seconds he was checking his phone for any sign of excitement. After about the 50th phone check, he settled for just paying attention until he hopefully dozed off. 

Fast forward and Jabber’s walking in his dorm dripping in sweat. After his classes, he’d gone to basketball practice and his coach was in the furthest thing from a good mood. Jay was there too, Jabber attempted small talk with him but Jay would just give him small replies before making excuses to walk away. 

Jabber grabbed a towel and some clothes from his room and went straight to the shower. When he came out he saw Zanka in the kitchen, humming slightly as he stirred something in a pot. The sight startled Jabber because this was the first time in what seemed like forever since he’d seen Zanka genuinely relaxed. 

Zanka looked up at Jabber before he could look away. Those deep blue eyes changed in an instant. Zanka forcefully looked back at the pot, not humming anymore nor did he look nearly as calm as he did previously. 

Jabber ignored the look in Zanka’s eye as he simply retreated back to his room. He had enough shit to deal with and putting up with Zanka’s bullshit was just not one of them. 

Not even ten whole minutes passed before his phone rang. It took everything in him to pick up the phone. 

“Yo.” That was all Jabber gave.

“Is the Nijiku around?” Jabber sighed before sitting up and grabbing his shoes, he already knew where this was about to go.

“Yep. Where you wanna meet me this time.”

Jabber walked confidently down a secluded alleyway in a particularly bad part of town. He wanted someone to come and try him. And that, they did. 

A sudden, forceful push knocked Jabber’s head straight into the brick wall beside him with a loud bang. He let himself bask in the pain that engulfed his skull. 

“It’s that cocky attitude of yours that’s gonna get you killed.” A deep guttural voice sounded close up on his ear as a body pressed up against him. “Luckily for you, I just want your money. Hand it over and your face won’t be on the news.” 

Jabber just rolled his eyes at the threat. “The second option sounds better.” He smiled with all his teeth. Not holding down a laugh of pure elation. His actions caused the guy to loosen his grip slightly and Jabber wasted no time. 

He forced his head back as hard as he could, colliding with the man with a sickening thud. The guy groaned and stumbled back while holding his nose. Jabber turned to face him, still giggling. “I was hoping one of you bastards would try and fuck with me.” He slowly walked closer, taking out his claw. The man walked backwards with every step that Jabber took forward. 

When the man's back slammed into a brick wall, he resorted to begging. “C’mon man, please. I-I wasn’t gonna kill you, I swear. I just needed the money.” Jabber’s laughter grew louder at the pathetic begging. He stood over the trembling man who had tears streaming down his face. “Please, I beg you. I’m sorry.” He clasps his hands together, “I’ll do anything!” 

Jabber crouched down, slowly antagonizing his prey. The sinister gleam in his eye grew brighter and brighter until they looked like they were glowing. Slowly, he traced the man’s face with Mankira, enjoying the fear that shot out of him in waves. “You don’t wanna die?” Jabber asked, mocking sincerity. 

The man frantically shook his head. “Please.” He choked out.

Jabber’s smile split across his face. Quite literally stretching from ear to ear. He pierced a single blade through the man’s arm. “Show me how bad you want to live!” 

Three energetic knocks made Jabber’s presence known behind the door. After a few short seconds the door swung open and there stood Cthoni with her typical blank stare. 

Jabber stepped inside the house and took in his surroundings. The place was warm and the lighting was dim. He followed Cthoni further inside and to her couch that was just a few feet away. It was a moderately sized, dark blue color, with plush cushions and a blanket folded neatly on the arm of it. 

Without much hesitation, Jabber plopped down on the couch, snuggling against the warm, soft cushions. He wanted to sit on the coffee table that was placed in front of the couch, but he knew she would probably punch him. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here, you’ve changed the place a little.” Jabber opted to change the silence and replace it with normal conversation before discussing the real reason for his visit. 

Cthoni didn’t sit down immediately, instead she went to the kitchen that was right beside the living room and had a clear view of exactly where Jabber was sitting. “Yeah. I guess I have.” She began to brew herself a cup of coffee, not even bothering to consider if Jabber wanted one as she already knew he hated it. “Make yourself comfortable and take your goddamn shoes off Jabber, you know how I feel about that.”

Jabber rolled his eyes as he got up with an exaggerated sigh, “I see old habits never die.” He mumbled at the perfect tone just for her to hear. She didn’t respond, however, too busy grabbing her mug and choosing what coffee creamer she wanted for today.

He placed his shoes against the wall beside the front door then went to join her in the kitchen. 

The smell of coffee hit him as soon as he stepped inside. “What the hell, Cthoni. I can’t believe you still drink that shit.” Jabber wrinkled his nose and immediately placed a hand over it to subside the smell. 

Cthoni smiled ever so slightly into her mug as she raised it to take the first sip. Jabber’s little outburst gave her a look into the past when she used to care for the small boy.

“What’s that odd smell?” He’d ask. His head tilted to the side and his nose wrinkled.

It never really bothered Cthoni when Jabber would complain about her drinking coffee. She knew lots of people hated it, but she just assumed that he’d eventually grow out of it.

That he definitely did not.

“It’s coffee, child.” She’d explain, time and time again, giving him reason after reason why she wouldn’t stop drinking it just because he didn’t like it. Eventually she just gave up and ignored the boy’s antics.

“Well it stinks.” Jabber said bluntly. 

“Get used to it.” 

Cthoni reached in the pantry and grabbed a bag of chips she knew Jabber loved. 

Hot fries. 

She tossed the bag to him before walking past him and back into the living room. 

Jabber made a sound of appreciation as he wasted no time opening the bag and stuffing his mouth, “You know me so well.” He practically purred as he followed down behind the older woman. 

Once they were both seated, Cthoni took one long sip out of her mug before she sat it on a coaster placed on the coffee table. She then turned and faced Jabber with a serious expression. 

“Zodyl’s getting impatient.” 

Upon hearing the name, Jabber rolled his eyes once more and smacked his lips. “Fuck him. I don’t give a fuck how impatient he is-” He was about to go on a whole rant about the guy and he almost a hundred percent sure that’s why she cut him off.

“That’s not the point here.” She raised her voice slightly. “You want the Nijiku’s dead and so does he, I couldn’t give the slightest fuck how you two feel about eachother right now but we have to get this job done. Do you understand, Jabber?” 

“I just don’t-”

“Do you understand?” Her voice grew higher and he knew there was no room for arguments.

“Whatever.” 

There was a short pause, a brief silence, as if they were both collectively trying to calm down. Jabber didn’t try to speak first, at this moment there was nothing more that he wanted then to leave. Go play basketball at some secluded park and maybe even fight a few people. 

“It’s been months since we’ve begun this operation and it seems like we're getting nowhere. There has been a change of plans. It looks like we may have to just kill the Nijiku’s instead of taking them down.” Cthoni’s eyes shifted to her mug as she picked it up and brought it to her lips, “Unless you have any objections?” 

Jabber tapped his finger repeatedly on the bag for a long while, lost in thought. He knew that out of anything in the world, he wanted the Nijiku’s dead, he wanted their heads on a platter so he could properly bathe in his victory. 

But, he wanted them to suffer. He wanted their end to come after he put them through hell on Earth. Jabber was running out of time and he knew that soon, he’d lose control and have Zodyl get the last laugh in their deaths. 

And that was not going to happen.

“I say we expose them.” Jabber smiled to himself, thinking of all the ways he’d salvage in his scenario. “Not to the public though, but amongst themselves. We made them hate each other, we’d drive each of them insane. Then, my friend, that’s when we kill them.”

“And how do you think we can pull this off?” Cthoni asked with a raised eyebrow, taking yet another sip of that damn coffee. 

Jabber grinned at her, eyes filled with glee and excitement. “We can spy on them. Zodyl can befriend the head of the family, Mr. Nijiku. You can work as a maid, and since I already have a name for myself at the residence, I can watch from the shadows, taking video evidence of each of them.” 

Cthoni nodded slowly, the gears slowly turning faster in her head. “I understand.” She said simply, yet it was clear that she was thinking more than that.

“You got any questions?” Jabber asked sarcastically, trying to pry her thoughts out of her. But, Cthoni saw right through the act almost immediately. 

“No.” 

Jabber simply nodded, giving up entirely. “Well is that all we have to discuss?” He stood up, stretching his body and causing a few bones to pop in random places. 

“Yes, that should be it. I’ll contact Zodyl later today or maybe tomorrow and give him your take on the situation.”

He didn’t respond as he rolled up his bag of chips, sealing the remaining few inside and went to grab his shoes. “See ya, toni”

Cthoni rolled her eyes at the old nickname but didn’t address it. “I’ll text you and let you know what we’re going to do.” 

Jabber hummed as a response as he waved without turning back and closed the door behind him. 

When he stepped outside, he noticed it was completely dark. The only source of light was the artificial ones from houses and streetlights, to make matters worse, the wind was starting to pick up and he could smell rain in the air. 

Jabber internally cursed himself for being so hungry for a fight that he didn’t think to just fucking drive here, now he’d be stuck walking in the rain. 

He took his phone from his pocket and checked the time.

10:13 p.m 

Jabber just shrugged and moved to put his phone back in his pocket. The sudden vibration of his phone ringing stopped him. Without thinking too much he answered. 

“Yo?” He called out to the person on the other side as he hadn’t even bothered to check who it was.

“Jabber?” The voice called back to him in concern.

“Oh, hey Jay. You need something?” He asked without thinking and then immediately regretted it when he realized it sounded like he didn’t want to talk at the moment. 

“No…I don’t” Jay said over the line, his voice sounded a little off, something like a mix of suspicion and annoyance. “I just wanted to talk to you, since we haven’t said much to each other today.”

“I get it, man. I’m on my way back to my dorm right now, I left my car so I’m just trying to hurry.” 

“If you want, I can give you a ride. I really don’t mind.” Jay immediately jumped at the opportunity to help his boyfriend but was shot down soon after. 

“It’s fine, man. I-”

“Why do you keep doing that?” 

Jabber’s footsteps stopped and he pulled the phone away from his ear. He stared at it a few seconds in confusion before he put it on speaker and just kept walking. “Do what?” He asked.

“Calling me ‘man’.” Jay answered without hesitation. “Look, I’m not trying to sound overbearing or anything…It’s just been something that’s been bothering me. You never call me anything besides ‘man’. And today, you didn’t even tell me you loved me. Which is fine, I don’t want to rush into it or anything because I know it’s new for us. But to be honest…It feels like you just view me as a friend, Jabber.” 

Jabber was coming up to his dorm and he really didn’t want to have anyone on campus hearing his conversation so he took the phone off speaker and took a deep breath before addressing everything his boyfriend had told him. 

“Look ma-babe, I’m not doing it on purpose or anything. I don’t really have an excuse for it but I’m sorry. I’ll stop calling you that since it bothers you so much.” He held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he unlocked his dorm room door and stepped inside. 

“It’s fine, really, I’m not mad.” Jay reassured. 

Jabber stepped inside and planned to go straight to his room.

“Are you gonna tell me you love me?” Jay asked after a short bit of silence?

“I love you.” Jabber forced the words out of him. He knew that if he didn’t, it would create a bigger problem. 

As if out of nowhere, Zanka turned around and looked Jabber dead in the eyes. The blond was in the living room, previously watching the T.V. carelessly.

The two made eye contact and Zanka looked visibly stunned. His mouth parted as if he was going to say something, but then as if on their own, Zanka’s eyes drifted to Jabber’s arm and the phone he was holding to his ear.

The realization was visible in the blond’s face as in an instant he closed his mouth and turned back to the T.V. so fast that it almost gave Jabber whiplash from just looking at him. 

“...Are you listening?” Jay’s voice sounded through Jabber’s brain, shattering something deep that he felt forming in his chest. 

“Yeah…uh…I’ll call you back.” He didn’t think much before ending the call. Not caring if Jay was talking or not. 

The silence that consumed the room physically felt sickening. Jabber was beyond stupid. He knew that Zanka thought that Jabber was talking to him and as much as he tried to stop himself, as much as he tried to think of Jay, his mind wouldn’t let it go:

What if Jabber was talking to Zanka?

This was all too much thinking and Jabber hated thinking. He’d told himself repeatedly that he was over whatever feelings he once had for the Nijiku. That he couldn’t let some naive infatuation deter him from his goal any longer. 

He knew nothing he said would change the atmosphere that was already beginning to tense in the air. So he just did the next best thing and left. 

Jabber locked himself in his room and didn’t look back. He basically tackled his blankets and laid on his back, staring at the spinning ceiling fan. 

Jabber was tired, too tired for these thoughts, too tired for revenge, and too tired to hide. He forced himself to shut his eyes and dream. He didn’t want to think of anyone or anything that was a problem in his life. 

He cuddled himself against one of his blankets, telling himself he was pretending it was Jay. But, it just didn’t feel right…didn’t feel like the truth.  

The day next, Jabber awoke to the sound of his blaring alarm. He checked his phone and saw a text from Jay and Chtoni, along with a few other app notifications. 

When he opened Jay’s text, he saw that it was a ‘goodmorning’ text and that was it. Jabber replied with a ‘goodmorning’ of his own. He didn’t initiate a conversation or anything. 

Jabber got up from bed, stretched, and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a quick shower. He passed by Zanka’s room door but stopped when he heard faint mumbling.

Without thinking much, he leaned closer to the door and tried to be as quiet as he could. 

“...It’s always the same thing with you.” The voice wasn’t Zanka’s. It sounded like it was coming through a phone, but their voice was so clear because it seemed as if they were yelling. 

“I know, I just-” The blond spoke softly, not gently, but in a tone that indicated hidden sadness. 

“Fix it.” The voice practically screamed into the phone before the room was left with a bone chilling silence. 

Jabber assumed the call had disconnected, although something invisible kept him glued to the door. He leaned in a little closer, so close that his body was centimeters away from being pressed against the door. 

All of a sudden the door swung open and Jabber’s body shot back. He stood like he had just been caught stealing. 

Zanka looked wrecked. The man looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, dark circles under his eyes, his hair looked a complete mess, and his face was a deep red with glassy eyes. Zanka looked as if he was physically forcing himself not to cry. 

“Zanka-” Jabber said, instantly reaching out to touch the other. 

Zanka just hastily smacked his hand away. “Move Jabber.” The blond pushed past him and began to walk in the direction of the bathroom.

But, Jabber had never been the type to let things go easily. He followed after Zanka, walking right in sync with the other. “Are you okay? You look terrible.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as Zanka immediately turned around and pushed Jabber as hard as he could. Jabber stumbled back, caught off guard by the sudden push. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when Zanka started yelling. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” The blond aggressively pressed his finger against Jabber’s chest. “You don’t say shit to me for months and now all of a sudden you think you can tell me how I look!”

Jabber wanted so badly to melt into the harsh words directed at him. It was just one problem and that was Zanka’s face. His face was even redder and there were tears on the edges of his eyes, threatening to fall at any moment before Zanka harshly wiped them with his arm. 

The scene before Jabber made his chest tight. 

He straightened his face and walked up to Zanka, ignoring the yelling and pushing that came with every step he took closer to the blond. Jabber pulled Zanka to his chest and held him tight. 

The blond pulled at Jabber’s arms as he quietly sobbed. He couldn’t stop the tears anymore, but he forced himself to be free of any sobs, instead taking his emotions out in shouts towards Jabber.

“I hate you!” Zanka squirmed and punched Jabber to free himself from the man’s grip but Jabber didn’t let go. He knew that if Zanka really wanted Jabber to let go, he would have broken the contact. Afterall, they both knew just exactly how strong Zanka really was. 

Jabber didn’t say anything. He just held Zanka tighter, mostly out of selfishness. He didn’t want to let Zanka go just as much as he knew Zanka didn’t want him to.   

Neither of them knew how much time passed. Eventually, Zanka’s breathing evened out and he just let himself be held by Jabber. 

“Isn’t this familiar?” Jabber joked. 

“Shut up.”

Jabber was the one to break the hug, but he kept his hands on Zanka’s shoulders. “You wanna talk about it?” He asked and Zanka just shook his head. “Yeah, you do.” Jabber concluded and he let go of the blond completely. “I’m gonna shower and then we can go get food or something, sounds good?” 

Zanka didn’t answer. He just kept his head down, clearly not wanting to be seen after obviously crying.  

The silence didn’t bother Jabber though. “Think about where you want to go and if not then I’ll just pick.” 

Jabber didn’t wait for a response. He just walked straight to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Jabber climbed in the bath and scrubbed himself clean, once he was done he brushed his teeth and washed his face. 

The man hadn’t picked out any clothes beforehand, so he wrapped his towel around his waist and left the bathroom. As soon as Jabber stepped out of the bathroom, Zanka started yelling at him. 

“Put some damn clothes on! What the hell is wrong with you?” 

Jabber just laughed and rolled his eyes. “I was planning on it.” When Jabber got to his room he began searching through his clothes, looking for something to wear. It wasn’t as if he had to try and dress impressively, but he always did so it’s not like Zanka would take it the wrong way.

Besides, he was with Jay.

“You look stiff as hell, man.” Jabber took a sip of his soda before he placed it in front of him, causing the straw to spin slightly in the glass. 

Zanka didn’t react much to the statement. “It’s too early for soda.” He lectured halfheartedly. It was clear that he didn’t actually care much and that he was probably just looking for something to criticize.

Jabber just shrugged and took another sip. “Then don’t drink soda…” 

The two sat opposite each other in a light blue booth. The restaurant Jabber took them to was a place Zanka had wanted to visit for a while but just never did. He never mentioned it to Jabber, but he was starting to think back to when the two would hang out. 

He remembered one particular time when him and Jabber was riding around talking and they had passed by the place. He thought back to that day and how he stared at the restaurant for a second too long. 

Jabber must have noticed and just didn’t bring it up.

“Jabber…” Zanka mumbled, his head stared down at the laminated menu in his hands. Jabber looked up from his phone, confused. “Yeah?” He responded.

Jabber stared questioningly at Zanka, waiting for the blond to speak. “...nevermind.” Zanka’s entire deminer changed as he sighed and looked away from the menu. 

“You know what you wanna order?” The blond asked in mock normalcy. Jabber noticed the shift.

“Not yet, I been thinking about trying something new.” He learned closer to the menu and squinted slightly in concentration. 

Zanka stared at him longer than he knew he should have, but looked away when Jabber suddenly pointed at the sheet with enthusiasm. “Maybe I should get this, It looks decent enough.” 

The blond leaned over the table a little to try and get a better look at whatever Jabber was pointing at. Just above Jabber’s finger was a picture of some kind of pasta. The name of the dish was a representation of the restaurant, which Zanka found cheesy but didn’t comment on it. 

“It’s looks alright.” The blond said, clearly unimpressed. Jabber rolled his eyes and folded the menu, placing it on the side of the table. He grumbled, “Not surprised you don’t like it.” 

“I never said I didn’t like it…” Zanka immediately defended himself. 

Jabber made a face that clearly showed he didn’t believe Zanka. “Yeah, right.” The blond scoffed and pointed his finger at Jabber, “You always insist on pissing me off.” 

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you-” Zanka adjusted his pointed finger so that his whole hand was on his face, he groaned and rubbed at his temples. “I’m not arguing with you like some child, we’re in public.” 

Jabber just shrugged, “Whatever.”

“Hello, I’m going to be you guy’s server today. Are you ready to order?” 

Jabber and Zanka ordered their food and gave their menus to the server who accepted everything with a “Thank you” and a sweet smile before leaving the two alone again.   

“Do you think we could actually be friends?” Jabber asked, seemingly out of nowhere but they both knew that wasn’t true. 

“We can try.” Zanka simply replied.

There was an awkward silence before Jabber spoke up again. “I forgive you. I’m over that shit you did, actually stopped caring about it a long while ago.”

Zanka nodded as a response. “I don’t blame you, honestly. I guess I just couldn’t accept the fact I was the one in the wrong.”  

Eventually, their food came and the steamy, good smell radiating off the plates had both of their stomachs rumbling with undesirable greed. 

The two devoured their plates, leaving no room for conversation. 

When they finished, Jabber paid and they left. Zanka checked the time on his phone and saw that he had just over another hour before his class started. 

“You wanna go straight to the dorms or you got somewhere else in mind?” Jabber asked as he shut his car door and started the car. 

“The only goddamn place you’re gonna go is heaven if you don’t put on your seatbelt.” That only induced a loud dramatic sigh from Jabber and a stupidly long eye roll. “Here you go with that shit.” 

“Seatbelt.” Zanka demanded.

Jabber just laughed and buckled up his seatbelt. “Alright princess, now where do you wanna go?”

Now it was Zanka’s turn to get annoyed. “Don’t call me that.” He said without bothering to turn from the window. 

Jabber didn’t respond, he just pulled out the parking lot and began driving in the opposite direction of their dorm. “Where are we going?” Zanka asked.

“If you would’ve answered my damn question, you might just know.” 

Zanka just mumbled curses and insults and the other, who didn’t seem to care in the slightest. 

Zanka stared out the window, letting the soft hum of music calm him as he watched buildings, trees, people, and signs all fly past him. Without even realizing it, he had dozed off, completely entranced in the soft vibration of the car. 

“...Zanka.” He felt his body being shaken and his eyes slowly begin to flutter open. “Zanka, wake up man.” 

The blond grumbled sleepily and moved to rub is eyes. “What?” His voice was shaky from sleep. Zanka adjusted his body to stretch and yawn. 

“We’re here!” Jabber said it as if he was presenting some extravagant surprise. Zanka just brushed him off, not expecting much. 

The blond eyes finally adjusted to the light and at that very moment the sound of waves crashing the shoreline registered in his brain and he immediately shot up. 

“Surpirise.” Jabber said mockingly as he laughed at his own stupidity.

Zanka didn’t respond, instead staring out at the view in front of him.

 It was a secluded beach. Surrounded by small trees and sand. The waves in the water were far from calm. They crashed together, resulting in a soothing rhythm of sound. 

“You coming?” Jabber was already out the car and making his way over to the water. 

Zanka opened the passenger door and stepped out. He was instantly hit with the smell of nature and salt. It was so refreshing and different from the polluted city air he had long grown used to.

He followed Jabber down the thin trail, leading to a clear shot to the water. Zanka’s eyes glowed in sheer admiration at the sight of the sun’s light bouncing off the water, causing it to sparkle and shine in a way artificial light could never create. 

When they got to the end of the trail, Zanka watched with curious eyes as Jabber took off his socks and shoes. “What are you..”

“Just trust me.” Jabber grinned wide and set his shoes aside. Zanka looked at Jabber for a long minute before he obliged. “I better not regret this.” He mumbled. 

Jabber rolled up his sleeves and pant legs, watching as Zanka mimicked his movements. The man straightened himself up and held out his hand, waiting for Zanka to take it. 

Zanka stared at the hand, adamant that this is where he crossed the line. “I’m not holding your hand as we run off into the sunset like in some stupid romance movie.”  

Jabber didn’t swayed, instead he just grinned even brighter, laughing a little. “Are you done, Mr. Bad Attitude.” 

Zanka rolled his eyes. “Oh, you’re back at that bullshit-” His words were snatched out of him as Jabber grabbed his arm and took off running, dragging Zanka along like a ragdoll.

It didn’t take long until Zanka tripped over his own damn foot and face planted straight in the sand. 

Jabber let go on instinct, leaving the other man to fend for himself. He shot around and stared down and Zanka with wide eyes before he burst into laughter. He grabbed his sides, bending over like his laughter hurt. 

Zanka turned over on his back, wiping the sand from his face and hair. “This isn’t funny.” He said through gritted teeth. Jabber just laughed even harder, falling into the sand himself. 

Zanka got up, continuing to wipe himself off while muttering to himself. “I’m so fucking sick of you.” The blond started walking away from a giggling Jabber, going closer and closer to the water. 

The further he got, the more a tiny park came into view. It wasn’t too close to the water and had a swing connected to some monkey bars and a dull green swirly swing. 

Zanka sat on one of the swings and began to move back and forth in a slow motion as he watched the waves and let the sound of water surround him. Soon, he closed his eyes, embracing the unwinding sensation.

“How you feeling?” That peace was instantly broken by the sound of a familiar voice and the rustle of chains. 

“I was doing better a second ago.” 

Jabber just sighed, looking out at the view in front of him. They both just stared out at the waves. Letting their minds drift to different places while they mentally basked in the company of each other. 

The air smelled of salt and the breeze grew just slightly, causing Zanka to shiver every now and then. 

“You had fun today?” Jabber asked but never moved his eyes away from the ocean. Zanka glanced over at the other, taking a deep breath before turning his gaze back to the water. “It was fine.”

Jabber just nodded. 

They sat in comfortable silence for a bit. “How are you and Jay?” The question sounded way more natural than it felt coming out.

Jabber finally turned and fully looked at Zanka with an unreadable expression. Zanka stared back, forcing a neutral expression. There was a sudden change in the atmosphere around him, as if the two of them were no longer wrapped in that warm, soothing blanket of comfort. 

“It’s…going good.” It was obvious that it was a subject Jabber didn’t want to talk about. It just made Zanka want to exploit that weakness, he wasn’t too fond of Jabber’s new relationship anyway. “Tomorrow will be three months for you two, right?” He asked, keeping them on that topic. 

 “Yep.”

“You two gonna do anything special?”

“He’s busy tomorrow.” Jabber’s voice didn’t sound disappointed, but rather distant. Everything in Zanka wanted to keep pushing and prodding to see how much information he could get out of this situation. 

“How about another day? Ya’ll gonna celebrate then?” In all actuality, Zanka didn’t give the slightest fuck about what they’d plan or when it would be. He just wanted Jabber to vent about their relationship. 

“Maybe.” Jabber was swinging a little harder in the swing and at this point, he was refusing to look at Zanka. 

“Sorry I was kinda rude to him the first time we met.” The blond rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “I guess I was just taking my irritation out on him.”

Jabber didn’t respond. He just nodded slightly.

“Tell him that he can come around the dorms more often, I wouldn’t mind actually getting to know him.” That was one of the biggest lies Zanka had ever let slip through his teeth. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

Zanka just nodded.

Jabber was the first to get up with a long stretch. He rolled his neck then turned to look back at Zanka. “I’m gonna take a walk, you coming?” There was something in his voice that didn’t sound like him. But the again, they hadn’t spoken in three months straight. 

“Yeah, sure.”

They walked side by side, following the straight direction of the shoreline. At first they just admired the sounds and the view of it all. It was a slight breeze in the air but neither of them bothered to comment on it. 

“Sand feels so weird.” Zanka commented, looking down at his wiggling toes. 

Jabber laughed as he unthinkingly wiggled his own toes, taking in the ticklish feeling of the cold sand. “I guess. Or maybe I’m just used to it.” 

“You come here often?” The blond asked.

Jabber’s eyes remained forward as they walked at a moderate pace. “Sometimes.” He paused for a second, letting the wind carry unsaid words between them. “It gives me a feeling of peace and relaxation that I’d never actually felt before.” 

Zanka nodded as he took in the information. “Too bad I’m totally stealing this spot.” They both laughed as they bickered over the sandy grounds.

Without even realizing it, they had both stop walking and instead started running, both fully committed in an unofficial race that neither had mentioned.  

“It’s not a competition, Zanka!” Jabber called out in pure glee. His grin stretched across his face as he passed Zanka. 

Zanka sped up, vowing to not lose this race. “Then stop running!” He shouted back. 

“Oh, you wish! First one back to the swing set wins!”

Zanka focused all his might on the swing set. Staring at it as if the more intently his gaze was, the faster he’d run. He had managed to catch up to Jabber and they were neck and neck with the finish line vastly approaching. 

With whatever access energy Jabber had to spare, he ran faster and shifted his direction to the side of him where Zanka was and rammed into him. Not waiting a beat, he took off again, already basking in his soon to be victory.

“Fucking cheater!” It took Zanka a small second to regain his footing and Jabber’s stupid laughter ahead of him only pissed him off even more. He completely gave up on his goal to reach the finish line and started running strictly after Jabber. 

He ran up behind him and without thinking it through, hurled off the ground and tackled Jabber. It caused them both to hit the ground with a dull thud. Due to them previously running and the sudden redirection of force, they ended up rolling together in the ground, just looking stupid. 

They both laid there, with sand now stuck all in their hair and clothes. Jabber’s laughter had grown to full hysteria and Zanka wasn’t too far behind. 

“I kinda figured you’d do that.” Jabber stated through gasped breaths and more giggles.

Zanka groaned as he sat up, completely irritated with the amount of sand that had gotten in his hair and ears. “I can’t function with this shit all on me like this.”

“You fell on your face not too long ago, you were fine then.”

The blond glared at Jabber before he rolled his eyes and defended himself. “First off, asshole, I wouldn’t have fallen if you weren’t dragging me around like kid with a stuffed animal. And secondly, it wasn’t this bad. Now take me home or I will throw you in the goddamn ocean myself.” 

Jabber sarcastically made a face to mimick him thinking between the options. “Hmmm.” He looked up while tapping his chin. “Alright. Ocean it is!”

“Please don’t piss me off.”

“Well, you’re no fun.” Jabber muttered. “Get as much of the shit off as you can before getting in my car.” He lazily pointed back at Zanka as he walked away.

“It doesn’t look like you’re trying to clean yourself up.” Zanka commented.

“It’s my car, dear Zanka. Is it not?” He tilted his head, turning to see Zanka’s enraged face behind him before shifting his gaze back forward as he laughed and twirled the keys on his finger.

Once they walked through the doorway of their shared dorm, Zanka speedwalked past him to his room. A minute later he bolted out the room with a handful of clothes and other hygiene essentials as he made his way to the shower. 

Jabber looked on from the kitchen with a small smile on his face. There was a feeling in his chest and he knew exactly what the feeling was. 

Nostalgia.

Jabber missed this. He missed the jokes that went unlaughed at on Zanka’s part. He missed the times they’d eaten together. He missed the normal conversation they could have with each other. 

A buzzing in his pocket stirred him away from his thoughts. He grabbed it and answered it almost as if it was second nature. 

“I noticed you weren’t at classes today, something wrong?” Jay’s voice was on the other line, worry not trying to be hidden in his tone.

Jabber had forgotten all about class as he was so caught up with Zanka. “Oh, yeah. I was out with Zanka all day, trying to be a good friend and what not.” 

“You two were out all day? Doing what?” Jay laughed, but his tone seemed off in a indescribable way. 

“I took ‘em out to eat at some place I knew he’d want to go to. I wasn’t expecting it to be much but the shit was actually pretty good. Then I drove him to a place I’d usually go to by myself, it’s a really nice place. But, I took him ‘cause he seemed down about some shit so I thought it’d help.” He recalled the memories with a certain delight in his words that Jay definitely didn’t miss.

“What you two do at this spot?” His tone was blank like he couldn’t have cared less, even if he physically tried. It made Jabber hesitate for a second, wondering if it was a good idea to continue.

“...I don’t know, man. Just talked and enjoyed the view I guess.” 

“Thought I asked you to stop calling me that.” Jay said quietly.

“Oh shit, sorry. It just keeps slipping past me.” He tried to laugh it off but his mood didn’t reach the other end. 

“I guess.” Jay paused before continuing. “You wanna come over. It’s kinda not fair how someone else got to see you all day. Maybe I want a little attention too…” His tone was suggestive and the sudden switch made Jabbe feel dizzy. 

“I…can’t.” He was hesitating and he really didn’t know why. “I have to shower and-”

“Well, I’ll just come to you then.” The line went dead before Jabber could protest. It’s not that he didn’t want to see Jay, he just needed to clean himself off and he was hoping to maybe hang out with Zanka a little more.

It’s fine. He should be happy that his boyfriend wanted to see him so badly.

After both of the men were completely showered and prepared for the night, did Zanka speak. 

He found Jabber sitting on the couch, picking through movies on the T.V. “Hey, Jabber.” He said slowly and softly. Jabber turned his head slightly to look at the man from where he was angled behind the couch. 

“What’s up?” Jabber asked. 

“I…I just wanted to say thank you. I know you didn’t have to do any of the stuff we did today, but it means alot and im… sorry about what I said earlier. I don’t hate you. I was just caught up in my head and I just took it all out on you.” Zanka’s gaze was glued to a random spot on the floor.

“It’s-” There was a knock on the door that startled both of them. Jabber had completely forgotten in the span of Zanka talking to him that Jay was on his way. “Oh sorry, can we finish this later? Jay’s here.” 

That was when Zanka finally looked at him, though his expression remained unreadable. “Yeah, it’s fine. Guess I’ll leave you two alone then.” Without another word, Zanka turned and walked back to his room. 

Jabber wordlessly watched him go before he opened the door for his boyfriend.