Chapter Text
Shigeo spent a majority of his day just laying on his futon, trying to ignore his stinging wrist.
Tears clung to the inner corner of his eyes, he needed to talk to someone, anyone, but he didn't want them to be worried.
‘Maybe Ritsu wouldn’t care if I ended up dying, it was my fault he got abducted by claw… I’ve hurt him so much in life, there's no way he can seriously care about me. It’d be horrible if I talked to Shishou. I already make him worry too much about all of my problems. He doesn’t need to know this too.’
Looking back on it, there wasn’t a single person who he hadn’t hurt in life. He’d lost control and hurt Hanazawa-kun twice. He caused all those people in the psychohelmet religion to get brainwashed. ‘Ritsu, Reigen Shishou, all the body improvement club members, Hanazawa-kun, Mezato-san, everyone, I can’t think of anyone I haven’t harmed in some way..’ Shigeo sighed, he was tired of all this, maybe he would talk to Reigen. That could potentially help.
‘If I want to go talk to Shishou then I’d have to go to school tomorrow,’ The thought made Shigeo’s stomach churn. Going to school meant having to speak to people excessively, it meant having to deal with his every move being monitored and watched. Shigeo knew it would suck but he needed to go, he didn’t even think his parents would like him staying home anymore. Shigeo’s wandering thoughts were interrupted by knocking on his bedroom door, he hastily sat up on his futon.
“Come in,” Shigeo stammered. The person on the other side of the door, Ritsu, pushed it open and stepped foot past the doorframe.
“Hey Nii-san, dinner is almost ready.” Ritsu’s face grew concerned as he stepped closer to Shigeo’s futon. “Did you get injured?”
“What do you mean, Ritsu?” sweat ran down Shigeo’s neck. Ritsu moved closer, only a few steps away now.
“Your arm is bandaged up.” Ritsu’s eyebrows drew together in worry. “Nii-san, what happened?”
“Nothing! I fell a bit earlier, it was my fault. I’m sorry for worrying you.” Shigeo frantically avoided looking at Ritsu’s face.
“Alright…,” Ritsu said in a skeptical tone, “Hey if you need anything or need to talk–”
“Im fine, Ritsu.” Shigeo interrupted. “I–uh, don’t waste your time worrying about anything.”
Ritsu sighed “Okay, come down to dinner soon.” There wasn't an ounce of mirth in his voice as he spoke. Ritsu quickly left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Shigeo’s gaze stayed fixed on his bandaged arm, ‘I didn’t mean to upset Ritsu,’ The boy thought to himself. ‘He just can’t. He can’t know,’ Shigeo pictured the look of sheer disappointment on his younger brother’s face, he couldn't let that happen.
“Shige, hurry up!” Shigeo’s mother called up to him from downstairs. Shigeo hurriedly put on
sweatshirt, to cover his bandaged wrist, and went down to dinner.
The dinner table was mostly silent, apart from Shigeo’s mother asking about Shigeo and Ritsu’s day
“I’m done eating, may I be excused?” Shigeo asked meekly.
“Shigeo, are you still feeling sick? You’ve barely eaten anything.” Shigeo’s father asked.
“N-no! I feel fine, I’m just not hungry.” Shigeo looked down at his less-than-half-eaten plate of food, rather than his parents’ eyes.
“Thats fine, but put your leftovers in the fridge. I don’t want that food going to waste.” Shigeo’s mother told him. Shigeo made no effort in showing he heard his mother other than nodding subtly and obeying her order.
The walk up to Shigeo’s room was silent, other than the sounds of his footsteps. Tears began to well into Shigeo’s eyes as he stared at his messy unmade futon, it was like this everyday in Mogami’s world. The distant memory remained plastered in his mind, it truly was exactly like what Mogami had told him, ‘It doesn't matter if your memories returned to you or not. The six months you spent here are forever etched into your heart and mind.’ Shigeo knew he’d never be able to forget that voice, even thinking about it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Tears threatened to spill from Shigeo’s eyes, he was so exhausted. Scratching at the skin around the bandages on his wrist, Shigeo crawled into his futon. Shigeo was ready to just pass out and be done with everything for a couple hours.
Much to Shigeo’s dismay, he could barely get to sleep. The bandages on Shigeo’s lower arm itched, the light shining in through the crack of the door hurt his eyes, he could hear the faint voices of his parents from downstairs. Shigeo wished he was able to make it all stop, he didn’t want to have to go through all the misery of life.
‘I have no clue where it all went wrong.’ Shigeo thought to himself, ‘I was doing so good, what happened?’ Shigeo thought about everything leading up to this moment, as far as he knew there was no trigger. ‘The last time I felt like this was in Mogami’s world, but then I actually had a reason to be miserable. My life is fine–I think? Am I just ungrateful?’ Shigeo pulled at his hair, ripping a few strands out in the process. It wasn’t very long until Shigeo succumbed to his own drowsiness and fell asleep.
The creaking of Shigeo’s bedroom door opening awakes him from his sleep.
“Nii-san, are you going to get up for school?” It took Shigeo a second to realize that Ritsu was now in his room, standing at the end of his futon.
Shigeo propped himself up on one hand and rubbed at his eyes with the other. “Mmhm” Shigeo mumbled sleepily. As much as Shigeo despised the idea of going to school, he had no choice if he wanted to talk to Reigen Shishou after school. Shigeo stumbled through the motions of getting ready for school, before grabbing his bag and getting ready to leave.
“Wait up!” Ritsu called in a more-friendly-than-usual tone. “Is it alright if I walk with you, Nii-san?”
“Oh sure Ritsu, I thought you had left already.” Shigeo turned to watch as Ritsu hurriedly put on his shoes, the two boys left the house in tandem.
“So, Nii-san, I wanted to apologize to you for yesterday..” Ritsu’s voice was dull.
“Wha-what do you mean Ritsu?” Shigeo avoided Ritsu’s gaze.
“I shouldn’t have gotten upset with you after you refused to talk–But I can’t stop myself from worrying about you Shige!” Ritsu had stopped walking, Shigeo had stopped to turn around and look at him.
“Ritsu-” Shigeo began.
“No! I’m sick of you telling me not to worry!” Small tears began to form in Ritsu’s eyes. “You barely eat or leave the house anymore, you barely speak to anyone, you've gotten injuries out of the blue. Nii-san, I know something is wrong with you. I can’t bear seeing you isolate yourself like this!” Ritsu wiped his eyes with his gakuran sleeve. “I-I just want to be able to help you Shigeo.” Ritsu said dejectedly, eyes fixed on the pavement beneath him.
Shigeo didn’t know how to respond, he didn’t think he could respond right in the moment. “Ri-Ritsu,” Shigeo stuttered, he didn't want to be here. He could feel the air heavy in his lungs, he wished he was back in his room. “I-uh-i’m sorry Ritsu.” Shigeo wrung his hands together.
“Don’t apologize.” Ritsu said angrily.
“R-Right, I don’t want to put any stress on you. It wouldn’t be fair.” Shigeo stared at his hands.
“I don’t care, I thought you weren't going to hide anything from me Nii-san. Let me help you.” Ritsu’s voice sounded pained.
“O-okay.” Shigeo reluctantly agreed. Shigeo squeezed his eyes shut tight, preparing for any sudden impact. Instead Shigeo’s younger brother simply wrapped his arms around Shigeo’s back, pulling him close to embrace him in a hug. The gesture brought a deep sadness to Shigeo, he knew Ritsu shouldn’t be caring for him this much.
“C’mon, Shigeo. Mom will get uh-upset if we're late to school.” Ritsu sniffled loudly as he pulled away from Shigeo. The two brothers continued their walk to school in silence.
Shigeo knew he should’ve just stayed home.
He was sitting at lunch surrounded by others. Their loud voices hurt his ears, the sounds of people talking were loud enough that he could hear everything–but barely distinguish the words. It all stressed him out. Shigeo’s spoon bent as he brought it up to his mouth. This was enough, he couldn’t stand being here anymore. Shigeo tried covering his ears to block out as much noise as possible.
It did almost nothing.
Shigeo was frozen in his seat, there was nothing he could do. The lingering fear of him accidentally hurting someone there permeated throughout his mind. Shigeo began scratching, and digging his nails into the skin at the sides of his head–god he probably looked insane to everyone right now.
Shigeo practically jumped when the bell rang, announcing lunch was over.
The rest of the school day passed in a half-conscious blur, as Shigeo walked to his Shishou’s office he could barely recall the events that had happened.
‘At least the walk is nice,’ Shigeo thought to himself, as he braced for the uncomfortable conversation ahead. The dark-haired boy approached the office door and pushed it open.
“Oh hey Mob! It’s been a while, how’ve you been?” Reigen grinned as he peered out from behind his laptop.
“H-hello Shishou.” Shigeo stammed, a small grin appearing on his face.
“I’ve missed you recently! Are you finally feeling better?” Reigen closed his laptop and stood up, walking over to Shigeo.
“U-umm about that..” Shigeo was scared to break the positive atmosphere. ‘Shishou looks so happy, I’d be really horrible of me to take that away from him’ Shigeo thought.
“Mob, are you okay? You’re kinda staring at nothing, heh” Reigen chuckled nervously.
“Yes,” Shigeo said unconvincingly. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Shigeo dug his nails into the palm of his hand.
“We don’t have any scheduled clients for the rest of the day so that's fine. Go sit down, I'll get you some tea.” Reigen gestured towards the couch.
Shigeo sat down and set his schoolbag onto the floor next to him. Shigeo fidgeted with the buttons on his gakuran as he waited for Reigen to come back.
Reigen walked out from the kitchenette and placed two hot cups of green tea onto the coffee table.
“Shishou, where is Serizawa-san?” Shigeo asks while looking at the reception desk.
“I let him take the day off so he could focus on studying. He has a big test coming up and I wanted him to be able to focus.” Reigen moved his hand around wildly as he spoke, making all different types of gestures. “Anyways, that reminds me, Mob. Why haven’t you been answering your phone at all?” Reigen pointed an accusing finger at Shigeo. “I’ve been worried sick over here. I had to find out you were just sick from Dimple, Dimple!”
“O-oh, I’m sorry Shishou..” ‘I was ignoring my phone because I didn’t want to deal with people from school,’ Shigeo thought to himself. ‘I didn’t mean to make Reigen Shishou worry!’
“Don’t worry too much about it Mob. Just don’t do it again, You scared the hell out of me!” Reigen chuckled, bringing the somewhat-tense atmosphere down. “Anyways, what was it you wanted to speak to me about?”
‘Oh shit. Shishou seems so happy right now, he was just saying how he was worried about me, if I were to worry him more…I don’t think I’d be able to see him upset like that!’ Shigeo could barely control his swimming thoughts, ‘I can’t tell Shishou, it was a mistake coming here–’ That line of thought was cut off by another, ‘Maybe it wasn’t all a mistake…’ Shigeo had to admit, he did feel very safe here, in a way he was lacking before.
“Oh, it’s fine now. Please forget about it, Shishou.” Shigeo tried his best to keep his voice from shaking.
Reigen eyed Shigeo skeptically, “Are you sure Mob? It seemed like whatever that was, was bothering you.” Reigen’s face contorted into a look of worry.
“Yes, yes, very sure.” Shigeo weakly reassured.
The older man’s expression changed to one Shigeo had trouble reading.
‘Worry? Fear? Is Shishou upset? Or is it something else entirely?’ Shigeo barely had time to comprehend it before Reigen started smiling.
“Alright, do you have anything else you want to talk about?” Reigen asked.
Shigeo only shook his head side-to-side in response.
“Well since you’re here, let's go get ramen.” Reigen pointed towards the office door.
“Really? I didn’t even help with any jobs.” Shigeo couldn’t help but believe this was all an attempt to cheer him up. “What about walk-ins?” Shigeo asked.
“It’s been pretty empty all day, I doubt we’re gonna get any more clients. Plus–I just wanna do something nice for my disciple.” Reigen smirked.
The two ended up going to a nice ramen restaurant, Reigen even let mob get extra slices of beef. Honestly, it was the most Shigeo had eaten in a long time. Right now wasn’t the worst, Shigeo was feeling better than he had in a long time–but he could still feel dread permeating in the back of his mind. The walk back to the office was filled mostly with the sound of Reigen chattering about random jobs he took recently. By the time they had arrived the sun had already begun to set.
“Hey it’s getting pretty dark out, if you want I can walk you home?” Reigen asked.
Shigeo stared at the older man for a few seconds, contemplating his decision. “I’m okay, Shishou.” Shigeo politely declined his request.
“Okay Mob, just be safe okay?” Reigen patted Shigeo on the back as he excited the office.
The walk back home was quiet, Shigeo enjoyed it. It was dimmer, so the light wasn’t bothering his eyes, and also not many people were still out so he didn’t have to worry about running into people from his school.
Shigeo continued walking on the empty sidewalk until he spotted a familiar face ahead of him.
“Kageyama-kun?” The boy in front of him,Teruki, called out. “It’s been a while! I’ve missed you, hey why haven’t you been answering any of my texts?”
Shigeo stared at the light-haired boy in front of him. It’s not like Shigeo was purposely ignoring his friend, He just didn’t like how he always got flustered in front of him, and the weird light feeling he had in his chest whenever Hanazawa was talking to him.
“Oh hello Hanazawa-kun. Sorry, I’ve been sick recently and haven’t been checking my messages.” Shigeo said. ‘I can’t believe I just lied to him,’ Shigeo thought to himself, ‘But Teruki-kun would get worried if I told him the truth.’
“Oh no worries then,” Teruki waved his hand back and forth. “I’m glad I ran into you though, I wanted to know if you’d like to hang out sometime soon.” Teruki smiled as he placed a hand on Shigeo’s shoulder, the action made Shigeo’s face turn red.
“S-sure, I’d love to Hanazawa-kun!” Shigeo said, a little louder than he intended.
“Alright, I’ll text you the details later. You better hurry home, it’s getting late, Kageyama-kun.” Teruki’s concern made Shigeo’s heart skip a beat.
“It’s okay, my mom doesn’t mind me coming home later on fridays.” Shigeo reassured his friend.
“Okay, text me okay?” Teruki waved as he continued walking in the opposite direction Shigeo was headed.
Shigeo’s whole body felt warm as he continued his walk home. He kept replaying Teruki’s words in his head. Before Shigeo knew it he had arrived at his house, he opened the door and walked in.
“I’m home.” Shigeo called out in a monotone voice. The dark-haired boy slipped off his shoes near the entrance.
“Welcome back Shige!” Shigeo’s mother called from the kitchen. “You’re just in time, dinner is almost ready.”
“Oh, Reigen Shishou already took me out for dinner earlier.” Shigeo explained.
“That’s nice, make sure to thank him well.” Shigeo’s mother shifted her focus back onto cooking. Shigeo began making his way upstairs to his bedroom, he tried to make little noise to avoid his younger brother. Shigeo practically flung his school bag onto the floor, as he began unbuttoning his gakuran coat. Shigeo quickly changed into his pajamas, and laid out his futon bed.
Shigeo reluctantly decided he should probably check his unread messages. There were only a handful from Reigen, mostly just asking if Shigeo was okay and when he’d be coming back to the office. There were multiple worried messages, and invitations to hang out, from Teruki. And surprisingly a message from a couple people at school, wondering where he’s been and if they need to bring over notes.
Shigeo couldn’t help but feel selfish knowing people were actually worried about him. It wasn’t fair that people were wasting their energy on him. Shigeo could vaguely remember hoping and praying for someone to care and fantasizing about someone loving him, when he was in Mogami’s world. But he knew he deserved it.
Shigeo tossed his phone onto the floor next to him, deciding to contact Teruki in the morning. Shigeo was exhausted from having to be around people all day, he used his telekinesis to turn off his bedroom lights and crawled into his futon.
Surprisingly Shigeo was able to get to bed easily with little struggle, he passed out shortly after laying down and closing his eyes, falling into a deep sleep.