Chapter Text
Ch. 2
The Woes of Billy Showalter
(Bruce Yamada is never one of those, By the Way)
Billy Showalter decidedly, still, hated mornings.
Bruce Yamada somehow loved them.
The boy slept at like.. seven pm, which was grandpa level, but, like, he woke up at two in the morning, so.. Billy couldn’t hate. The guy had so much energy by five am that Billy was too tired to really entertain. It was sweet at least. Bruce always seemed more lively and talkative before the sun fully set in and everybody else woke up. Still. It ended up with moments like this.
“And then Sarah said ‘ew, I’d never hang out with someone like that’.” Bruce was rambling about something. Billy could hear him moving around from the phone Billy had laying over his ear. Billy was laying on his side so his flip phone would stay open.
“Mhm..” Billy was half asleep, doing his best to listen and not fall back asleep.
“Which was insane, by the way. Because Johnathan was right there, and it’s very well known that he swings both ways, right?”
“Yeah..” Billy had no clue what Bruce was saying. He just liked hearing him talk.
.
“So obviously, I was like, ‘hey, dude, youu can’t say that..’ and then Sarah was all ‘oh my god, are you a .. uh.. the F slur’-”
That got Billy’s attention, rolling over onto his back as he held the phone to his ear. “Mrrgh.. Uahh.. wait- she can’t.. can she say that? I didn’t think..”
“She can’t! So obviously we were all just sitting there, shocked, because we couldn’t believe she just said that, right? And then some blonde guy walks over-”
“...Sure..” Billy felt out of the loop already. Usually he could lock in, but it was morning. Gross. Sometimes he didn’t understand Bruce.. but he still wanted to hang out with the boy, soo… sigh.
“And he like, yanks her hair.”
“Oh shit..”
“That’s what I said! Aha.. anyway- he like, casually sent her across the floor.. it was so awesome.” Bruce had gotten a slight dreamy tone in his voice, like he was reliving the moment live in his head.
Billy paused, opening his eyes into a squint as he stared into the ceiling, processing. “That.. does not sound very awesome, Bruce. I mean- like- satisfying I guess, but like.. I wouldn’t say committing an act of violence is awesome.” Billy wasn’t a big action guy, shocking to most people. He thought it was kind of silly- Well- like, the context obviously mattered, but people in school fighting just to settle some weird matter? Eugh. He’d much rather just subtly sabotage their reputation- enough to where teachers might trust you less and friends are less likely to appear, but not like, depression or future ruining level..
Anyway. Back to Bruce.
“Okay, well, I thought it was awesome and that’s all that matters. You’re just grouchy cause it’s early.” Bruce defended, joking offense obvious over the phone.
“Whatever you say, man…” Billy yawned, tired. “...I don’t get how you always like.. actively strive to be up that early.”
“I’dunno.” He could hear something else move. “My mother always says I’ve always lacked the need for sleep. When I was like, eight, I only slept for two hours daily. Five is enough for me.”
“Reugh. I need at least ten, bro.. any less and I’d pass away.” Billy joked, slowly sitting up. He probably needed to get up now, sadly..
Bruce giggled, obviously amused at his suffering. “Billy, if you could sleep for twenty hours every day, you would.”
“Mmm.. the dream.” He joked, stretching one arm. The good news was that it was breakfast time.
There was a small breach of silence that had woven into their conversation. Bruce seemed to be okay with that- actively doing something other than the call.
Billy was not having that. In a totally Billy way. He’d rather tell his biggest secret in life than deal with silence.
“I’mm gonna go make breakfast.” Billy announced, slowly standing up. The sentence would’ve been completely normal- if it wasn’t Billy saying such things. You’ll learn that it’s like that with a lot of things.
“Oh god..” Bruce, who ate his fancy oatmeal or yogurt every morning, sounded like he might almost cry.. with an underlying tone of affection. It made Billy more excited, honestly.
“I’ll call you later.” Billy said, waiting to walk out the door. He’d definitely text Bruce before then, but Billy couldn’t physically multitask with food- he’d end up dropping something. Again.
“Alright, Billy.. I’ll see you later!”
“Okayy! See ya!”
— . —
billy_boy: #eating good
bruceyy: Oh my word
billy_boy: it’s very delisg
bruceyy: ofc it is billy
bruceyy: bc it’s literally just
bruceyy: sugar and cream
billy_boy: nuh uh
bruceyy: …yes huh. Very yes huh
billy_boy: shshshshh…. We provail
bruceyy: prevail*
billy_boy: whaeverrr…
billy_boy: also techinlcaly its not just suage and cfeam
bruceyy: hrm??
billy_boy: its ypguet n milk
bruceyy: ..
bruceyy: like its milk flavored yogurt or like. You. Added. Milk
billy_boy: i added milk
billy_boy: also eeee yuck bro who would eat milk flavored yogurt
bruceyy: i dont think i will ever understand ur eating habits
billy_boy: 😋😋
billy_boy: wha’d u eat??
bruceyy: oh uhh here hold on
bruceyy:
billy_boy: woah
billy_boy: bro organized the fruit
bruceyy: lol it was like 3am i was bored
billy_boy: do u feed the demons to keep them from possessing ur ahh at that hour
bruceyy: wha
billy_boy: nvm nvm
bruceyy: im so confuzzled is tha a ref
billy_boy: it was like. A ref to 3am n demons n atuff
billy_boy: yk the devils hour or whaver
bruceyy: oh
bruceyy: OOHHHH
bruceyy: giggling nono i get it i was just being slow
bruceyy: oopsies
billy_boy: lmaoao its olay
billy_boy: gulp
bruceyy: augaha gotta go to this thinggyygy
billy_boy: oh ohkay
bruceyy: baaii!!!!
billy_boy: BAIAIII!!
— . —
Billy was so bored. Texting was fun, most definitely, but it didn’t satisfy the urge inside of him to go outside and socialize with the human species. Billy was a social creature most would say, and not having anyone to talk to was borderline torture.
His mom had to deal with the consequences of raising such a talkative son.
“AUGGHhhh..” Billy dramatically flopped onto the back of the couch, phone in hand as he clicked it shut. “I’m so boredd…”
Technically, he was also folding laundry that was laying on the couch, but that didn’t quite matter.
“If I hear the word bored leave your mouth one more time Billy Showalter, I’m forcing your butt out of this house.” She said with a point, hanger in hand, saying it in that tone where you couldn’t be sure if she was playing or not.
“You couldn’t kick me out for being bored.”
“...Off you go!”
“Wait- hauh-”
“Off off! Go go!”
“I wasn’t being-”
That’s how Billy ended up being shewed onto the front porch, still not sure how he got there, with only his phone and ten bucks in hand. Bruce was apparently still busy, so.. he couldn’t exactly visit an empty house. And Billy would rather die than talk to the neighbourhood kids.
All of those were seven or under, by the way. It’d just be weird.
Totally weird.
But. It was probably weirder to just stand here awkwardly. Well. Actually. Auggh.. probably not. Hanging out with seven year olds was pretty weird. Like, really weird.
Having this mental debate was disturbing him, so Billy’s just gonna skip over that.
Okay. So. Priorities. Get off of the porch before his mom decides she should drop him off further from the house. That would not be fun.
Billy awkwardly shuffled down the porch and into the road, thinking.
Where should he go.. uhhhhh…… didn’t that guy invite him to come back to that uh, skate park thingy? Or would it be weirder to come back? Billy wasn’t popular, but he also didn’t wanna look like a loser.
…decisions, decisions..
Billy’s very serious decision making got interrupted by a cozy coupe car speeding down the road. Like, kind of scary speeding. How did the guy even get it to go that fast?
Hey, it kind of looked like it was heading this way, didn’t it?
..Hey, it was heading this way-
THUMP.
…
Billy just got run over by a cozy coupe car.
Not only did he get run over, it was a hit. And. Run. A cozy coupe car. Hit him. And managed to continue driving.
Maybe this was the day the world decided Billy was doomed. Doomed. Life couldn’t get worse than this moment. A cozy coupe. Not even like, a cool toy car or something. No. The red and yellow toddler mobile.
Billy decided for himself that maybe the day was just doomed, he didn’t need the world to tell him. What he did need was someone who would listen to him mope about his very, very real pain.
Hrm.
Billy didn’t remove himself from the concrete road, but flipped open his phone.
— . —
billy_boy: bruceyy
billy_boy: i have had the worsezt day evrr
billy_boy: sifh
billy_boy: yj the neighboruthood mystery car kid??
billy_boy: brochacho ran me over and DIDNT EVEN STOP TO SEE IF I WAS OAKY
billy_boy: rggrr
billy_boy: … brucceyy boy? Are yoz like. Aliev.
billy_boy: bruce
billy_boy: burceee !!!
billy_boy: euagk ig ur bzsy
— . —
Well freek. What was Billy supposed to do now? Not complain? Eugh- no. He would never. But, uh, very, truly shockingly to you all, Billy didn’t exactly.. have.. enough real friends to tell about his day. Specifically Billy’s need to complain about unserious things and act stupid about it. Mostly just because Billy thought it was hilarious.
But he didn’t have anyone to go to. Not with Bruce’s constant busy-ness.
..
Well..
—
What a backfire, dude. Billy had walked all the way over to the skatepark, and Robin wasn’t even here. Billy also didn’t own any skates or skateboards, so he was just awkwardly sat on a bench as cool people did cool things.
Maybe Billy should learn how to skateboard. Or like- at least how to do something skate related. If he was going to be coming over here more often, he didn’t want to look like a poser every time. Or like, those people who just come to come.
Maybe Robin was just gonna be here late in the day. That put a spark of hope in Billy’s soul. He didn’t want to just like.. sit around. Or maybe, Billy could steal Robin’s board and learn. Like he actually had an interest in it. He didn’t- Billy was quite joyous with his bike, but still. Skateboards were pretty rad.
Billy sure was speculating a lot today. Speculating was a big word, woah. Either way, Billy wasn’t even sure if he’d like, actually make a friend here. He was just a hopeful guy. That got a lot of maybes involved, though. If you couldn’t tell.
Maybe this, maybe that. He sure used maybe a lot. Billy was like, a unsure prophet. He should read Bruce’s future.
In trade for a jar of Nutella, of course.
Billy’s phone loudly vibrated in his pocket. It could only be one of two people, honestly. The idea of Bruce responding made Billy quite literally jump up.. and fall face first onto the concrete. This time though, his excitement overpowered his need to mope and let the entire world see him do it. He scrambled back onto his bench, flipping his phone open to finally see the actual texts.
— . —
bruceyy: hey! Sry I was busy helping my dad do errands
billy_boy: awwzgh!! Lemme come next it’s been so boring today:[
bruceyy: i didnt think gettting run over would be boring
bruceyy: also how r you now? You didn’t get hurt or nothing, did you?
billy_boy: OH YEAH I FOFOGR ZHAZ HAPPENED
billy_boy: i am a okay!!! Juygb like. Very. Humiliated. ☹️
bruceyy: well thats good:)) lol
bruceyy: at least you didnt get hurt too bad
bruceyy: that would’ve been more humiliating
billy_boy: ykw ur rught ur right
billy_boy: in lowkey lucky i didnt liek
billy_boy: eat the concrete and then break my leg or something iver a cozy coupe
bruceyy: mhm mhm
bruceyy: very true
bruceyy: soo.. whacha doing now?:)
billy_boy: you see
billy_boy: rememeber how i went to the skatepark last nught?
bruceyy: no but continue
bruceyy: wait i didnt know you knew how to skate
billy_boy: i dont
billy_boy: but lije i could totally pearn if i had a skatehaordn to borrow
bruceyy: oh
bruceyy: well you could borrow my rollerskates if you wanna?
bruceyy: not the same thing but still fun !!
billy_boy: hek yeah brotato chip thats the best thing you’ve ever said to me 😛
bruceyy: ofc :) Idm
billy_boy: anyway i got off ftmtack
bruceyy: OH yeah i’m sry mb mb continue continue
billy_boy: welll
billy_boy: there was this boy last night
billy_boy: and i tripped over jis skatebard
bruceyy: oh my
billy_boy: ans then i stole it from him a lil bit
bruceyy: a little bit?? How do you do tha??
billy_boy: gukp well i mean he was laughing soooo its oakyokay!!!
bruceyy: …sigh
bruceyy: sure man
billy_boy: yip yip !!
billy_boy: rovin’s back !!!!
bruceyy: who?
billy_boy: YAYAYAY
billy_boy: vrbrbrbrbbr
bruceyy: o oh oaky !!!! Have fun !! :))
billy_boy: thank you !!! BAIAIAI !!!
bruceyy: BAIAI !!
— . —
Billy hopped up, scrambling to get to the boy before he could lose his train of thought. He actually almost ran into him and knocked them both into the grass, but shhh. We don’t talk about that.
“Hey Billy.” Robin looked a little caught off guard, but amused. Which was good. At least Billy wasn’t like, being a total weirdo by being here. He hoped.
“Robin. Robin.” Billy took a second, struggling to get his thoughts together enough to say real words.
“Billy.” Robin repeated in the same tone, grinning. “What’s up, dude?”
“I have had.. the worst.. day.. ever.” Billy said, scatterling so he was out of the way and trailing after Robin immediately after. He didn’t even really see the other person following- he was too distracted with very important information.
“I thought that was yesterday.” Robin teased, finding a bench to sit down at. He was putting on knee pads as Billy rambled.
“Yes. No. Yes. Wait no. Yesterday was the worst day of the days before yesterday. Today is the worst of all the days Billy Showalter has lived.” Billy nodded seriously, standing in front of where Robin was sitting.
“Billy who?” The blonde- with amazing hair by the way, he looked like a 70s icon- echoed, obviously confused as he sat down beside the boy.
“Billy Showalter.” Robin filled in, not breaking his stare from where he was watching the dirty blonde. “Pretty sure that’s his last name. This is the guy I was telling you about yesterday- the one who fell on my skateboard. He talks in third person sometimes.”
“Oh.” The poofy blonde haired boy nodded slightly, still looking a bit confused. He grabbed one of his dark red rollerblades, slowly undoing the laces as he eyed Billy from where he had somehow never stopped speaking despite the interruptions. Because Billy was just cool like that.
“Anyway- yeah- I got run over by a cozy coupe today. It was hour-end-ous.”
“Horrendious?” Robin questioned, amused.
“Same thing.”
“Wait- a cozy coupe? Like. The little red and yellow things?” The other dude questioned, squinting a little like he was confused. “Don’t people.. use their legs to move those? How would someone. Run. You. Over?”
Billy decided answering the question would simply be much too awkward to respond without sounding un-cool, so he just nodded and continued his speech. “Not only did he run me over, it was a hit and run! The bastard didn’t even stop to see if I was okay!”
Robin snorted, and looked amused. “Damn. That’s cruel, man. Cruel.. how’d you know it was a he? Did you see the guy?”
“Oh! No- it was just the neighbourhood mysterious kids-car guy.” Billy said it like he didn’t just improvise that on the spot.
“The huh?” Robin chuckled, getting easily distracted from his protective gear. The other guy just locked into his preparation for skating. Booo. Billy was too entertaining for that. Probably. Actually that sounded mean. Nevermind.
“There’s this guy in my neighbourhood- I’m pretty sure he’s been the topic of every neighbourhood get together at least once. He’s probably like- hella rich. He like.. he’s got like, two hundred toy cars, and he drives by with them every day. And the car is different every day- he hasn’t repeated a car once- at least- I don’t think he has. Gulp.” Billy explained in a ramble, grumbling. “He hit me with a cozy coupe today.”
“I mean.. you have to admit that’s kinda funny, Billy.” Robin reasoned, and snickered when he got swatted at.
“Mann- it was so not funny..”
“Sure.. Anyway, uh- Billy, this is Vance.” Robin gestured to the blonde beside him, who was ready to go off and abandon the two other boys. Well- Billy was assuming that, since the guy had already stood up in his rollerblades.
Vance paused, and looked a little awkward- like the introduction had interrupted whatever he had been doing. “..Hi.” He didn’t sound like he liked Billy all too much already.
Oh well. Not like people hadn’t disliked Billy before- he was known for being a tad. Over. The. Top. Gulp.
“Helllo! I’m Billy showalter. Nice to meet you. Most people just call me Billy.” Billy bounced a little as he threw his arm out for a handshake. The guy still looked a little caught off guard.. but never actually shook hands. Uhh.. well, that was a little awkward. Did people not shake hands anymore? Bruce never did mind..
Billy decided to just keep his arm out and talk till this guy shook his hand back. That was probably the smart thing to do.
“Sorry for the dramatic entrance- lol- getting run over isn’t exactlyy on my bucket list for the greatest day.” Billy snickered, giving a smile. Billy always closed his eyes when he smiled- a habit he got from his mother- so he couldn’t exactly see the reaction to his amazing, amazing words.
“Uh.. yeah. My name is Vance..” Billy could feel the dude shake his hand back- but this guy didn’t seem to really like shaking hands or something, because all he did was grab Billy’s hand back and awkwardly stay there for a second. Billy decided to just shake his hand a little more aggressively to counteract the lack of enthusiasm.
When Billy finally opened his eyes, Vance looked even more confused.
“Did you just say.. lol.. out loud? In real life?”
“Yeah? Lol. It’s pretty easy- have you never done it?” He leaned forward, holding back a cackle as the confusion spread even further into Vance’s face. Robin looked very amused from the side lines.
“...No.” Vance blinked, pulling his hand back first. Oh yeah. Billy forgot they had been doing that. “Usually you would just.. laugh. In.. reality. It’s more of the. Uh. Socially acceptable version..”
Billy grinned, leaning back. “The socially acceptable version of anything is just being boring. Are you boring, Vance Wren Sinclair?” Billy improved that shit on the spot. He didn’t even really know what he was saying- but the look on Vance’s face made him giggle.
“What are you, a disney oc? What is this social preaching?” Robin teased, ruffling Billy’s HAIR- his HAIR-
“Agshajakk-” Billy pushed him away, hands immediately coming up. “Do not touch my hair. Nobody ever touches Billy Showalter’s hair.”
“Yeah yeah- whatever, you dweeb.” Robin stuck his tongue out at him.
..
“Hey- wait- no- agaaHAKJ-”
Billy tackled Robin into the concrete, which kind of hurt actually, but Robin took most of the fall, so it was all good.
Billy squealed when Robin actually play-fought back, launching Billy against Vance’s shoes before rolling them both off into the grass beside the concrete park.
“...Sinclair?” Vance had repeated the name to himself, sounding like he was 73% sure Billy was high and off his rockers.
“No- Robin- No- My HAWRIAR-” Billy tumbled around, both trying to grab onto Robin and keep Robin’s hands away from him. Billy squeaked as he got tossed over, trying to hold Robin back still- so it ended up with Billy on the ground, struggling to keep Robin’s hands away.
“My last name’s Hopper. Not. Sinclair.” Vance corrected, like Billy wasn’t fighting for his life right about now.
“That’s awesome, dude. Hopper’s better than Sinclair anyway. W.” Billy answered honestly, not able to get too distracted before rolling Robin off of him. Didn’t work all too well.
“Yeah..” Vance blinked, before shaking his head like he remembered something. “Get off the floor, you dumb fucks. If you end up looking like you’re actually fighting and someone comes over here, I swear to god-”
“Young sirs!” Billy’s head snapped up when he heard a familiar, mean, elderly voice coming from the sidewalk. A short haired blonde lady was walking up to them, a chihuahua on the retractable leash she was holding.
Ew. Weren’t those like, super bad for your dogs?
Either way, that wasn’t the worst bit. No. Not by a mile- two miles- a whole world full of miles.
Billy knew this mean elderly lady.
And she definitely knew him. Well- he’s pretty sure, since she locked eyes with him and looked like someone just told her someone had put an unwanted garden Gnome in her yard. Probably because Billy had put an unwanted Garden Gnome in her yard. Or maybe it was because of that time he stole her dog for 48 hours to put him in a pink princess dress.
But it’s not his fault she said that only girls could wear pink. She didn’t have any kids though- so he just borrowed her dog for a while. He got many, many treats in return.
“Oh fwack.” Billy scrambled to hide behind Vance, standing up and immediately falling back over, just face first this time. At least it was into the grass.
Billy’s still pretty sure this was just the worst day in his life in all the days he’d ever lived.
“Billy..?” Robin asked, probably confused on why Billy had just scrambled away like death himself told him he’d get the plague if this woman got less than five feet away from him.