Chapter Text
Zuko paced outside the Royal Aviary anxiously, waiting for the doors to open. He could sense the guards worry, afraid that he may have finally lost his mind. Maybe he had, but just not the way they thought. He was awaiting a message, one that had been delayed due to weather. Though he knew it couldn’t be helped, his heart ached for the words he so desperately needed.
He felt pathetic, not being able to compose himself simply because of the delay of one letter. Still, he awaited eagerly and could feel himself getting restlessly excited at the thought of the words his lover had sent him from overseas. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but it seemed the only way he could cope with Sokka’s absence was reading the letters he’d sent him over and over to the point where he knew them by heart.
It had been less than a month since Sokka had left for the Southern Water Tribe. He had left in the urgent news that he was needed by his father for political reasons, reasons he was not yet allowed to tell Zuko. While it stung a little he knew better than anyone what it meant to put duty before love. At least, he had.
The door to the aviary swung open suddenly, the falconer freezing as he came face to face with the Fire Lord. Urulu, an old, short man with wiry gray hair, whose ancestors had been serving the royal family for generations. The man quickly composed himself, doing his best to attempt a formal bow with his arms jam-packed with letters.
“Fire Lord Zuko, how may I help you?” He asked as he straightened himself upwards again.
“A letter. Have you received a letter for me from the Southern Water Tribe?” Zuko asked, straightening his own shoulders and attempting to keep himself composed. Urulu smiled knowingly, nodding his head.
Zuko and Sokka’s relationship wasn’t unknown around the palace. While they had tried to keep it a secret in the beginning, it’s hard to explain why your good pal needs to visit your chambers every night. Eventually they just stopped hiding it, though there was nothing public except speculation.
Urulu dug through the letters in his arms before pulling out a scroll crested with the familiar blue Southern Water Tribe symbol. He squinted at the markings on the side and then smiled, handing it over to Zuko. He grabbed it enthusiastically, checking to make sure it really was for him.
“Thank you,” Zuko expressed, bowing his head in respect before making his way back through the palace, guards following closely behind. He kept the letter tucked protectively under his arm until he reached his office.
As soon as he sat down at his desk, he eagerly unrolled the scroll, to which it read:
To my dearest, Zuko,
I really appreciated your last letter and can’t wait for your next. It brings a bit of personal sunshine in this polar night. Although, it does make me miss the sound of your voice. And your warmth. It would be nice to have you here with me, you’re like a portable campfire. Also because I miss you, of course. Sorry if that’s a bit sappy.
Anyways, I have great news! I should be able to return to the Fire Nation in about a week. We have solved our little problem and now I am just helping with cleanup and getting everything in order. I wish I could tell you about everything that’s happened during my stay, but that will just have to wait until I get back. Again, it’s not that I don’t trust you, but I need to respect my father’s orders. Even then, it is not the Fire Nation he’s worried about, but organizations that could intercept our letters.
I’m really excited to come home. As much as I love the South Pole, I miss the Fire Nation’s warm sun. And the food. Never thought that I would ever get sick of fish. I also miss the color red, which as much as I complain about it I’m sure it’s just as much of a surprise to you as it is to me.
I also miss you, though. Even though the South Pole has grown a lot since the war and I’m with my family, it’s not the same as being with you. Katara has grown sick of my complaints about missing you.
I have to confess, though, that several men on the council have offered me their daughter’s hands in marriage. Don’t worry, none of them could compare to you. I don’t plan on running away with a cute Water Tribe girl just yet. All jokes, don’t worry. My heart belongs to you.
As much as I have to say, I’m running out of paper. I can’t wait to see you again. How is Druk? Has anything important happened while I’ve been gone? I hope you’re doing well.
With love,
Sokka.
Zuko smiled as he finished the letter, the small ache in his heart easing momentarily. In a week, Sokka would be returning. Not even a week, he realized, as the letter had been delayed. Sokka should be in the Fire Nation in just four days.
He couldn’t help but read “I’m really excited to come home” over and over again. Sokka had thought of the Fire Nation as his home. He’d thought of Zuko as his home, and soon, Sokka would be there, in his arms.
Elated, Zuko grabbed a scroll and some ink.
Sokka,
My apologies for the late response. Your letter was delayed due to the weather; but no matter, I have it now. Thank you for writing, I appreciate it deeply. I don’t know if you will receive this letter before your departure, but nonetheless I must send it.
I am quite elated that you will be returning soon. I’ve also missed your company deeply. I hope your travel goes smoothly. If you’d like, I can personally see to it that you get a private airship. If you need anything, just say the word and it’s yours.
Druk has been fine. His appetite has been growing steadily, and he has probably grown a foot taller since you left. I’m sure he misses you as much as I do. Fortunately, nothing big has happened since my last letter to you. It has been a slow week, though I am fortunate for the small break. My only wish is that you could experience it too.
I love you, Sokka. More than you could know. It has been so hard here; without you. I miss your voice and your touch and your smell on my pillow and
Zuko stopped himself, rubbing his face with his hands. He hesitated, staring at the unfinished letter before grabbing a blank scroll. He re-wrote his message, but this time finished with:
Best regards,
Zuko.
He stared at his writing, reading it over and over again to make sure nothing could be read as an insult or jab. He then rolled it up and binded it with the official seal of the Fire Lord. Before he could stand to bring it back to the aviary, though, he hesitated. He turned back to his first letter, to the words he had crossed out.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t meant them, he did, truly. He just couldn’t bring himself to say them. To put them out there and have them be known. He didn’t understand why or what stopped him.
It was fine, though. Sokka knew that Zuko loved him. He understood that Zuko was complicated and bad at feelings. Even if the words were rare out of his mouth, Sokka must know they were true.
He gently grabbed Sokka’s letter to him and tucked it into the bottom drawer under his desk along with the other letters Sokka had written to him over the years. He would probably need to find a new spot soon; the letters almost reaching the top.
Zuko grabbed his letter and rushed it back to the aviary, hoping to send it off as soon as possible. If he sent the message now, it would take the hawk a day to get to the outpost on whale tail island, where it would then be switched to an arctic hawk. It should only take that hawk half a day to get to the Southern Water Tribe. At least, he hoped so. Sokka may not have known about the delay and have begun to worry.
“Back so soon, my Lord?” Urulu asked, grooming one of his birds. Zuko nodded and handed him the scroll. “Southern Water Tribe, I presume?” He asked as he gingerly took it.
“Yes, thank you.” Zuko nodded, watching him bind, label it, and then tie it to the hawk that had faithfully been sending messages between him and Sokka for several years now. Urulu then sent her off. Zuko watched as she soared away, magnificent red tail feathers flowing behind her.
“Will Sokka be returning soon?” The short man asked, beginning to feed his birds. Zuko hesitated for a moment before nodding, reaching out to stroke the bird closest to him.
“He should be departing in about four days, if all goes well.” Zuko responded as the bird curiously nibbled at his fingers.
“I see.” Urulu noted, picking a feather out of his silvered hair. “I hope it does, for both of your sakes.”
A loud, rumbling thunder awoke Zuko with a start. His hands instinctively moved to his right, finding nothing but cold sheets. He sat up in a panic, eyes whipping around the room before reality set in. Letting out a heavy sigh and rubbing his eyes, he turned to look at the raging summer storm outside.
Just one more night he thought, resting his head back onto his pillow. He just had to make it through tonight and he would have Sokka in his arms the next. He could only hope that Agni was kind to him and allowed the storm to pass through. He didn’t know if he could handle another day without his heart.
But Zuko could not sleep. He lay there restless, tossing and turning as the storm raged on outside. He longed for strong arms to hold him; for comforting words to be whispered in his ear while he pretended to sleep. For his hands to be tangled in hair that smelt of sea salt and spearmint.
After lying there for what felt like hours, Zuko finally sat up. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, staring out the window to the lightning that cracked outside. He then slipped on his slippers and began to walk subconsciously. The Fire Lord nodded at the guards who stood posted outside his room, used to his night-time walks.
Zuko wandered the palace halls, greeting guards and workers along the way. Some were surprised to see him walking around in his night-robes, but most just smiled and greeted him back. Though he had no particular destination in mind, his feet always led him to the same place.
Pushing his office doors shut behind him, he beelined to his desk. Kneeling to the floor, he opened the drawer and began to pull out letter after letter. Some the ink still black and shiny, paper uncrinkled. Others the ink beginning to dull, paper folding at the edges. He read line after line, words engraved deep into his soul.
I’m really excited to come home
I miss you terribly
You are all I can ever think about
I cannot wait for your lips to be on mine again
I wish you were
Tui and Agni above I’ve missed you so much
I love you, Zuko
Line after line, Zuko read the words Sokka had written to him over the years. Line after line, he felt guilt rise in his chest. He was such an idiot.
In every letter Sokka poured his heart out to him, with sappy words and cloying phrases, and all Zuko could do in return was end his letter with “best regards?” He was a fool. He was no ruler; but a jester performing his act.
You don’t deserve him, the familiar words rang in his head, wrapping around his brain like a tiger boa. Zuko saw his mistakes now, laying in front of him among the sheets of paper scattered about. He could see now how badly he was hurting the heart he loved most, and he saw how he needed to fix it.
He began to carefully pick up and organize Sokka’s letters before setting them neatly back into the drawer. He sat at his desk and grabbed a sheet of paper and an ink well, setting them in front of him. Then he wrote. He wrote down every thought and feeling he had about Sokka. How much he missed him, how much he loved him, how much he needed him.
When he was finished, filling several pages with his ode, he created a list. He curated a plan to tell Sokka how he really felt. He would have dinner brought to him and Sokka in his chamber. They would eat by the fireplace, drinking tea while Sokka told him of his time in the Southern Water Tribe. When he was finished, Zuko would tell him how much he really missed him, and then get into how it made him realize he didn’t express his feelings enough. Then, they would talk about how he could be a better communicator before going to bed in each other's arms. The plan was perfect. It allowed room for error– though he was sure there wouldn’t be any– while still giving Zuko enough of a structured timeline to plan what he had to say.
Proud of himself, he left the papers on his desk and began to make his way back to his quarters. Thank Agni the storm had calmed outside, allowing moonlight to illuminate his room. He crawled back into bed, mind at ease knowing he would be seeing Sokka soon.
The sun warmed Zuko’s cheeks as fingers gently brushed the hair from his forehead. They were soft against his skin, dancing across it like dragons as they stroked his face. He let out a comfortable sigh, stretching as he rolled over.
“Good morning, sleepy head.”
His eyes shot open, meeting with dazzling blue ones as they stared down at him. He stared for a few moments, unbelieving. Then he shot up, throwing himself into Sokka. He gripped him tightly, letting out a relieved whine when he didn’t disappear. Sokka held him back, familiar arms wrapping around his torso and holding him close.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to be back until this evening!” Zuko gasped, pulling back and holding Sokka’s face.
“I was able to leave earlier than expected.” Sokka said breathlessly. The corners of his eyes creased as smiled, hands still pressed into Zuko’s sides as if he were afraid to let go. Zuko hugged him again, taking in his warmth. He buried his face into Sokka’s neck, inhaling his smell of leather and travelers musk.
“Agni, Sokka, you have no clue how much I missed you.” Zuko’s voice cracked. Sokka pulled away again to look at his face. “I’m sorry I don’t say it as much as I should. I- I’ll be better, I promise. I don’t mean to-”
“Woah, Zuko, calm down.” Sokka grabbed his shoulders, brows furrowing in worry. “What are you talking about?”
“I-” The words were lost to him as he stared into Sokka eyes, filled with worry and care. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to speak, but the words he’d rehearsed the night before were gone.
“I’m terrible.” Zuko finally got out, heart breaking a little as he watched Sokka’s face crumble.
“What? Zuko- No, don’t say that about yourself. You’re perfect.” Sokka stated, trying to pull him in again but Zuko resisted.
“I am- I-I- You are always so good with words, Sokka. You never struggle to tell me how you feel or to make me feel loved and I can’t do that for you!” He exclaimed, trying to ignore the lump in his throat. “But I love you, Sokka. More than anything.” He admitted, scanning Sokka’s face for a reaction. For any sort of hurt or anger.
“I know.” Sokka smiled instead, hands coming up to rest on both of Zuko’s cheeks. “I know you do. I know that it’s hard for you to say. I know that you grew up not being able to express how you felt. I know that you’re afraid.” Sokka said, forcing Zuko to look at him when he tried to look away in shame. “And I know that you love me. I can see it. I can see it in the way you look at me, how you hold me, how you always put me first. I know that you love me, Zuko.” He insisted, leaning in closer.
The men stared at each other, breathless. Finally, Sokka leaned in and connected their lips. Zuko kissed him back eagerly, taking in his taste and his feel. Allowing himself to ease the hunger he’d felt since Sokka had left. His lips were chapped, probably from the cold harsh winds of the south, but to Zuko they were as soft as silk.
“I missed you so much.” Zuko whispered quietly when they finally separated, closing his eyes and letting his forehead rest against Sokka’s.
“I know,” Sokka said, rubbing his thumb against Zuko’s cheek before pulling away and digging into his pocket. “I don’t think you meant to send this to me, but I appreciated it anyway.” He pulled out a folded up letter, handing it to Zuko.
He frowned. He hadn’t sent anything to Sokka except his letters. Unless there had been a mixup during hawk exchanges, he didn’t know how something could have been sent to Sokka by mistake. Still, he unfolded the parchment.
There, written on the paper, was his last letter to Sokka. He furrowed his brow in confusion. Of course he had meant to send it, why wouldn’t he?
Then his eyes fell to the bottom of the page, with crossed out words and no sign off. Oh.
His face immediately flushed as he looked back up to Sokka, a bit ashamed. Sokka tilted his head, smiling softly.
“I’m sorry.” Zuko said quietly, handing the letter back to him.
“Do you do that with all of your letters?” Sokka teased lightheartedly, but there was a seriousness to it. Zuko said nothing for a moment before nodding his head yes, unable to meet Sokka’s brilliant blue eyes. He said nothing, and Zuko was too afraid to look up to see his expression.
After several moments of tense silence, Sokka pulled Zuko in once again. “I think it’s sweet.” He whispered, causing Zuko to let out a breath of relief and hug him back tightly.
Sokka gently led them both down onto the bed, holding Zuko to him closely. Zuko clung to him tightly, burying his face into his chest. Sokka immediately began to brush his fingers through Zuko’s hair.
“I think I love you more than you could know.” Zuko said finally, twisting his head so that he could speak more clearly. Sokka’s fingers froze momentarily in his hair, but quickly returned back to their task. He only hummed in response, not probing but leaving room for more to be said. Zuko hesitated for a moment, trying to build up the courage to speak his thoughts.
“I would give up seeing the sun again if it meant I got to spend the rest of my life with you.” He expressed, stomach twisting slightly. He shifted to look up at Sokka, who was already looking down at him. They said nothing for a moment, only looking at each other.
“Thank you for telling me.” Sokka praised, voice barely above a whisper. He leaned down and kissed him again, arms tightening under his shoulders. When he pulled away, Zuko buried his face into his chest once again.
“Tell me about your time in the South Pole?” Zuko requested, closing his eyes and listening to Sokka’s heartbeat. Sokka let out a sigh.
“Okay, so, you’ll never believe it. Basically, this angry spirit kept attacking a small village outside the capital, and nobody could figure out why! But then it turns out that-”
Zuko inhaled contently, taking in the smell of Sokka’s clothes and cherishing the sound of his voice. He knew he could have said more to Sokka. He could have written him an entire novel on all the things he felt for him. For now, though, he had Sokka; his heart and his home. That was all that he needed.