Chapter Text
It was early when Sayaka trudged from her front door into the damp world that was mornings in Mitakihara. Though this trudge was more a lack of enthusiasm trudge and less slow trudge as she was dashing decently fast. The blue haired middle schooler rushed down the beautiful streets with all the intensity of a girl that didn't want to be teased for late hood. Unfortunately tiredness had made itself the enemy of the girl and hampered her speed. She couldn't sleep last night, her mind was on a wish.
Sayaka lived a pretty spoiled life, her family was well off enough. In truth they were probably among the poorest of her peers. Hitomi’s family was the rich kind of rich and Madoka’s had her mothers work ethic which was mega strong and Kyosuke’s family was also up there you needed to be in order to afford the lessons he’s taken…
The thought of her childhood friend further soured the already sour Sayaka’s mood. But the point stood for Sayaka until last night was herself without need. In a way she still was without need but Sayaka would reject that idea. Her best friend was a magical girl fighting weird soul sucking monsters. The fact that small, shy Madoka had never told her this in some ways hurt but she understood because it would be hard to explain that without looking insane
The fact that Madoka was fighting them meant Sayaka had to fight them to… Right? Madoka may have not wanted her to make a wish but Sayaka couldn't just take that. The kind of person Sayaka aspires to be would not let their best friend engage in death matches without helping. Which raised the next issue, the idea of becoming a magical girl was simultaneously a dream come true and terrifying beyond belief. She didn’t want to die but was it really okay to leave her best friend to that fate? To leave others to their fates when she could have helped?
The acknowledgment of her own fear brought a guilty stab into Sayaka’s chest. It wasn’t okay for her to be this weak. She didn’t want to be this weak! “You’re late Sayaka-san.” Her internal civil war was given a ceasefire as she had arrived at the meeting spot without even thinking about it. Hitomi had been the one to call to her a teasing voice. “Good morning Sayaka-chan” Madoka greeted alongside her both giggling at the awkward somewhat deadpan stare Sayaka gave in response.
The walk to school was casual. Hitomi was busily venting about a scheduling contradiction that did sound very frustrating. Madoka was also acting off, not like a you know my secret now kind of off either. She was this way yesterday too. They’d been friends since elementary school and she’s always been needy as a friend, not in a bad way, she just always likes to have people around.
For the last two days though that enthusiasm had become far more noticeable. The closest to this she can recall is a trip she took to watch Kyosuke perform in Kyoto a couple years back she was gone for a week and when she got back she could tell Madoka missed her there was an enthusiasm in her speech and how she listened one that her short friend was showing in greater force than ever. She would ask Madoka about it but for some reason the idea of asking caused her anxiety. Maybe she’ll wish to understand Madoka, she joked to herself.
Upon getting to class and getting started she was allowed to resume the internal civil war over the collection of ridiculous circumstances that scholars would call the life of Sayaka Miki. Eventually she managed to work out a negotiated peace in her own head though as is common to war the whole thing was shaky and no one was really happy about it.
Madoka and Mami already had an agreement to let her see them hunt wraiths, maybe it wouldn't be so bad and she’d feel… no There was something still getting her a subtle thing. Last night when Madoka was explaining to her why she shouldn't make a contract, explaining her fear of seeing Sayaka break, she got this look in her eyes. She looked traumatized like she had seen something.
Remembering that look made her sacred and enraged in equal parts. It probably wouldn't take much to scare Madoka like that but the idea something did made her so mad her body shook thinking about it. If she made a contract maybe she could protect Madoka to make sure she never has to see anything like that again.
Then an unsettling thought struck her. What if she broke like her best friend warned would that just make it worse. Could Sayaka really trust herself to be strong? She was strong, she was always strong and like that the thought was hidden.
To prevent the civil war from rebounding her thought process switched up. Maybe she could trust Madoka and Mami as a team. The two of them already looked cool the night before, maybe she could put her hopes in that.
The rest of her school day was pretty average. Lunch was good, Sayaka made her own so she could always make it high quality, Madoka was bright, Hitomi was witty, classes after that were boring mostly except for gym. Not having to sit down is always fun. If she’s sneaky she can slip in some earbuds and listen to some music while she runs. Mostly a mix of classical music, soul and whatever catchy, cutesy pop music Madoka had her on that week or in weeks past as she came back to the good stuff. Then more boring classes until the end of the day.
After borrowing a bat from the fitness club she made her way to the agreed meeting point. A cafe called Recompense of Mami’s recommendation. Her upperclassman had taste, in the little time Sayaka knew her it’s been proven again and again. The place mainly did sweets, a bakery type place Madoka grabbed her favorite apple pie though she spent a little extra to have cheese put over it. “Madoka-chan, why do you want cheese on your pie?” Sayaka asked bluntly, confused by the strange combination. Even Mami had a curious side eye.
Madoka’s eyes flashed with a ravenous excitement like she'd been waiting a thousand years for this. It was probably the closest her best friend could ever get to looking evil. “It’s a common variation in America,” Madoka explained with what was probably Madoka’s best attempt at a cackle though it was more of a giggle.
“I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.” There was a bit of silence in which any seriousness the short pink haired middle schooler held faded into a slightly anxious blush that got a chuckle from Sayaka.
“I think I've heard of the combination too while vanilla ice cream always seemed like the more common sense team partner but I think cheese and apples could make for a wonderful mix if properly prepared." Mami added before ordering that herself.
This made Sayaka bellow with a false dramatic outrage. “Tomoe-san you're also going along with this madness?" Sayaka thinks for a beat she does like savory more than sweet and it’s good to experience new things. Sayaka knew it was a terrible idea… she ended up ordering a raspberry pie instead.
While they waited they discussed general safety. Stuff that was common sense. Don’t go near the wraiths. Be careful of ranged attacks. Prevent emotions from being eaten. Eventually the server arrived and she seemed shy but good at her job. Madoka was staring at her a second too long. She had to remember that for some teasing material for future visits.
Said raspberry pie was very well done, the crust was flakey and soft enough to crumple under pressure while being hard enough to give the pie crunch. The raspberries had a sweetness to be appreciated but the tartness was the name of the game. They melted over her tongue making it sting in a good way. Fresh in a way you never see in a dessert but here it was.
Sayaka did not try her friend's fatefully decided food. However their opinions were easy to gauge. Mami seemed to rather like it. It seems with proper effort and skill even apples and cheese can make a good team. Madoka on the other hand ended up separating them. “The crust and cheese do go well but I guess I like my cheese my cheese and my apples my apples. They can always go together as a meal.” She offered to no one in particular as she ate both individually.
With the snack there was talk though it was mostly Mami talking to Sayaka, Madoka was sketching in her sketchbook absentmindedly. The wraith talk focused on the places where wraiths lurk proper hunting spots, places where people suffer bridges, abandoned buildings, dark alleys or places where tragedies of some kind occurred. All else fails wraiths are the kind of bottom feeders to go and eat those grieving in hospitals. It actually served to hype Sayaka up into hunting them. With more excitement than she was expecting this trip to give her she whipped out her bat.
Her teachers also seemed to enjoy her enthusiasm of bringing the bat. It got Madoka’s face out of her book and got a hard laugh from both. “You always find a way to be proactive Sayaka-chan” Madoka complimented as she put the last piece of cheddar melted over custard into her mouth. Mami smiles brightly at the two. “I do love to see the enthusiasm, I understand if you don’t want this Miki-san but…” before Mami could finish Sayaka interrupted.
“Listen no matter what I decide you two are doing real good in this fight, I still at the very least wanna cheer you on and you know maybe it’s something I can do.” As Sayaka spoke something occurred to her.
She wanted it… more than the need to contract out of guilt for Madoka, she really wanted to be a hero like them to fight the monsters terrorizing people, she wanted to be an ally of justice. Those words an ally of justice, those were the words they were right she wanted that perhaps she’d be ready to risk her life to be that but… That morbid look in Madoka’s eyes from the night before. Everytime her mind wandered over to being a magical girl she’d remember her friend's warning.
A part of her was frustrated that Madoka would put that image in her head but a far greater part was enraged by whatever put that look in her eyes. She wanted to protect Madoka from it but at the same time the look itself scared her. The correct choice was making a contract, to help keep Madoka and everyone else safe, she knew that and yet she was hesitant fear that inserted itself into her mind and would not let go; Sayaka truly was the worst.
“Whatever choice you make, I'll support you and you’ll always be my friend so please don’t threat about the decision. I truly believe an ally of justice isn’t a one path thing and while this is a path you can take you should get to think about it as much as you can.” Madoka spoke her voice, her eyes had a wisdom to them a new one since yesterday and she even managed to get the word right. Sayaka smiled.
“You really know me well Madoka-chan.” was all she could say and it earned a bright smile from her best friend, the kind of smile she only got when building people up perhaps the best smile Madoka could give.
Mami was quick to agree with her new teammate. “Madoka-chan is right of course, I don’t want to force you into anything. I’m sorry if it seems like I'm coming off that way,” Mami looked down, perhaps the first bit of embarrassment the confident girl ever gave.
“I appreciate your support for us no matter the decision you make.” She finished her large confident smile, retaking her face. Sayaka felt mixed on their supportive words, enjoying hearing it from them but still guilty over the major holdup she couldn't bring herself to say. Perhaps it was cowardly but she decided to try and change the subject looking over there was an easy target.
“What did you bring Madoka-chan?” Sayaka redirected to the sketchbook her friend had been working diligently on all day and had earned Sayaka’s curiosity. Madoka was quick to cover it up, meaning it must be good. “Nothing special, just some sketches.” She responded with an anxious blush invading her face.
Sayaka didn’t take that sitting down metaphorically as she was still in her seat. “Madoka-chan, I've seen your sketches, they're good and you’ve been on that one all day.” The nervous blush did not leave her face as she looked down with a small smile shaking her head back and forth rapidly.
“I’m sorry this one’s just....” Madoka’s silence served to feed Sayaka’s predatory instinct to tease more though it would never come to pass as Mami intervened.
“Come on now Miki-san don’t tease her, I'll be needing her later.” Mami chuckled after the soft chiding and decided it wasn’t worth pushing forward.
“Okay I'll let it go but you can’t hide your art from me forever Madoka-chan.” Sayaka dramatically claimed. This seemed to remove any fluster Madoka had as she smiled brightly
“Don’t worry, the next drawing will be something great for both of you.” Her best friend promised brightly and with little left to talk about they left the bakery. “That was great Tomoe-san, we should definitely go back sometime. I want to try their pumpkin pie.” As soon as they were out the door Madoka made the declaration with much excitement.
“We can definitely come here again, The raspberry pie Miki-san partook looked great in its own right.” Mami answered as she took the lead guiding the trio to her usual spots. “I guess I could try the apple pie with cheese, I trust your taste Tomoe-san, don’t betray me.” She gave the most serious look she could muster to her upperclassman and it got a refined laugh.
They were able to walk for maybe twenty minutes before they arrived at a bridge. Initially it looked clear until Mami led them down a path to the bottom of the bridge where both Madoka and Mami got active goosebumps. “If you make a contract you’ll feel it but our soul gems sensing wraiths it feels close to cold.” Mami explained as they arrived at the bottom of the bridge where the mist like maisama that was a trademark of the wraiths exited from the substructure.
Like clockwork half of a dozen of the demons slipped out from there letting battle commence. As all of them used range, what mainly ensues is a large volley of light arrows and yellow bullets barraging the wraiths who attempt rather feebly to launch back their own volleys. The entire fight lasted about a minute though it could be better described as a slaughter.
“That was over rather fast, we make a great team Madoka-chan” Mami said off handedly as the two of them collected the grief cubes. Madoka smiled at the comment. “I guess you're just easy to work with Tomoe-san.” The smile was a bright one even after a deathmatch the girl Sayaka’s known almost her whole life could manage such a smile. She was blessed to know her.
According to Mami it took twelve grief cubes to fully purify a soul gem. Together this hunt produced six. So this round didn’t make them sustainable and even if it did there were still places to check so the hunt continued some back alleys especially around poorer districts and bars. As they traveled Mami explained more on Wraith’s eating habits.
“Wraiths don’t kill their targets but they do eat emotion. Most of the time a person attacked by wraiths gets away with only some emotion lost. Not to say that even that isn’t catastrophic. People who have even a little of their emotions eaten can become unstable. Many murders and suicides are the result.” Mami explained her voice solemnly with the seriousness of the topic discussed.
“What happens if a wraith does manage to eat all of someone's emotions?” Sayaka asked with anxiety in her chest as the wraiths' own attack on her echoed in her mind.
Mami grimaced. “They become husks incapable of emotion. A life without love, passion or even anger, hatred or sadness.” The veteran magical girl lamented.
“I’d pity anything that has to suffer that kind of existence." Madoka added in. Sayaka could not help but agree. More reasons to be grateful to the allies of justice fighting these things.
“When a wraith consumes enough emotion they separate from their cluster and evolve into an Acolyte wraith,” Mami began the lesson ending the silence the somber subject had brought. “Acolytes tend to function as wraith captains leading a group of normal wraiths.”
“Those were the fire ones that were floating?” Sayaka asked. She had assumed there was some hierarchy.
“Yes when a wraith evolves they take less and less human form. You’ve seen an acolyte beyond them are the enlightened who are the most powerful type of wraith a magical girl will probably ever meet. Finally there are Deliverance wraiths though they are rare. I’ve only heard about them” Mami finished leaving an open silence to any questions.
“Have you ever fought an enlightened?” The question slipped out of Sayaka’s mouth.
There was a beat of silence as Mami thought it over. “A few, because they have to grow I do my best to keep one from forming at all but sometimes I slip up or one migrates over. They're never easy and if you’re not quick other wraiths will actively try and reinforce them. Killing one is a high effort task best done with planning.”
With no other questions they walked in casual silence for a bit with occasional casual conversation. Most of said conversation was centered around the surprising fact that Mami despite being a magical girl had never seen a magical girl anime. It made sense Mami didn’t seem like the anime type but it was still funny. A bit before at the start of sunset a second chill took them this time to an abandoned building. Before they could even enter the miasma was slipping out.
“This looks a bit worse, so just in case to be safe.” Mami places her hand on Sayaka’s bat and like clockwork the bat turned a bright yellow the same as Mami’s uniform and a number of flower accessories became attached. “Woah.” Sayaka whispered at the new and improved bat. “Do stay out of trouble but if something finds you better something than nothing.” She explained as the trio entered Mami leading, then Madoka in the middle and Sayaka in the rear.
The halls of the abandoned building were occupied a bit but any wandering wraith was quickly put out of order. However a large factory room ware production used to occur seemed to be the wraith base, a dozen and a half wraiths and leading them were two of the floating fire wraiths like the ones that burned Madoka acolytes, As Mami called them. With a stare of mutual understanding Madoka was off diverting fire while Mami kept near Sayaka releasing a torrent of yellow muskets onto the wraiths.
Unlike Madoka’s arrow shots it took a few pelting's of musket bullets to put the wraiths down and it seemed they were trying to put themselves back together however Mami could definitely get those numbers with constant barrages of bullets. Avoiding the wraiths counter volleys as they come up. Madoka for her parts had taken to parkouring across a number of yellow ribbon platforms where the acolytes were quick to engage her with their spears in melee.
Sayaka was not an experienced sword fighter but she had talked with some of the people in Kendo club before and they were quick to inform her on the importance of range. This let her read the fight. The acolytes were fighting cautiously using spears and rage to try and keep Madoka at a distance any time Madoka extended with her staff to pressure on the other was quick to keep her in line.
This tactic worked well for a time before a barrage of musket fire struck the acolyte closest to Mami. Leaping onto the platform her upperclassman joined the duel. “Neither of us can afford to look bad in front of Miki-san.” She joked to Madoka as she began pressing the acolyte that she had shot. The one battling Madoka began to heavy spray of spear thrusts doing whatever it could to keep Madoka back it looked almost desperate and the effort was useless as she was able to quickly break its defenses down and one whack to the wraiths head with her staff sent the head falling down the raised ribbon platforms as the wraith began to disintegrate.
Mami wasn’t able to dominate the fight as Madoka did initially trying to maintain some kind of distance for her musket shots the acolyte eventually got in close attempting to put its spear through her. At the last second Mami caught the spear in a ribbon and pulled it off course. This split second allowed it to stumble and in a motion that was like a dance a ribbon tied around the wraith's body and bisected it.
Finally Madoka launched a scattershot of light arrows and like the smiting of an angry goddess the remaining wraiths were obliterated. A number of grief cubes all that remained to suggest there was a battle at all. As the two dropped themselves to the ground Sayaka slowly approached. “You two were amazing.” she said wonder in her voice. Could that be her?
“I would have had way more problems if Tomoe-san didn’t help out with the acolytes.” Madoka said as if it was an admission, appreciation evident in her voice. Mami looked amused by the admission. “They were fighting you in a very defensive manner, wraiths are tactical creatures but their plans tend to be aggressive; they can’t seem to risk it against you Madoka-chan.” Mami’s words held a supreme confidence that was hard to challenge.
“Why would the wraiths be so concerned with Madoka-chan, why is she special?” The idea that the wraiths had a reason to plan for Madoka the idea that they would coordinate left a bad taste in her mouth.
Mami was silent for a second too long but spoke right before it became awkward. “If I’m being honest Madoka-chan is the most powerful magical girl I've ever seen. I imagine the wraiths are coordinating to try and defeat her.” Madoka looked real flustered at the compliment and she began to try and downplay herself to Mami but Sayaka wasn't listening, she was in deep thought again.
She wanted it, Sayaka knew that seeing them fight she wanted to be in on it. To fight beside them both. Knowing these monsters were targeting Madoka only empowered that struggle further. Sayaka wanted to be happy to have a happy life to get with Kyosuke after he recovered in the hospital and to listen to him play his music for the rest of her life. She wanted to get a job somewhere and still see Madoka and Hitomi on the weekends for tea or whatever they wanted to do with her. She wanted to travel the world with Madoka as they dreamed since elementary school seeing everything beautiful and tasty this world had to offer.
Could they really have tea on the weekends if she had to fight wraiths to defend the innocent? Could she bring herself to leave her beloved Mitakihara to explore the world knowing she could be leaving her loved ones to wraiths? Was she really willing to give this all up just to be a magical girl? Was she really selfish enough to put her hopes and dreams over the correct answer of being a magical girl? How many of those dreams are even still possible with Madoka already contracted and Kyosuke's current condition?
“Sayaka-chan, are you okay?” Madoka broke her from her thoughts with a concerned look on her face. Sayaka hated that look but her best friend was on the money for sure but she didn’t want to make her upset. “I’m fine Madoka-chan, just you know seeing the battle, it’s different from in an anime.” It was pathetic to lie but if it made her feel better it was a lie Sayaka could endure.
While it did get her to back down talking about it the concern didn’t fade from her eyes she was just silent about it. Which was even worse. With that cleared there was no more wraith activity; they agreed that the hunt had finished.
With victory achieved, the trio went to Mami’s house to begin cooking. The entire thing was mostly Mami attempting to instruct Madoka and herself on what to do. It became very clear very fast that the veteran magical girl had her own way of doing things and liked her pots and pans used in that way.
Mami was very insistent on making the pasta sauce from scratch which Madoka covered. Cooking in olive oil, minced garlic and cherry tomatoes. Mami then sent them both out of the room to add the special ingredient. Sayaka was very tempted to try and see what it was but Madoka was able to talk her down. She won that round.
Sayaka could cook but had no experience with this western stuff, not to say she didn’t want to learn, it's just that she also didn’t want to mess something up so she took the pasta. Boiling something didn’t seem hard at all; she boiled her own ramen all the time. It went well enough, she had heard somewhere you check pasta you throw it at the wall and if it sticks it’s good. Before Sayaka could test that Mami panicked and talked her down like it was a hostage negotiation. Then showed her how to make sure the pasta was done al dente. Which she says is the only proper way it can be done.
After finishing the spaghetti and cleaning up they talked for a while most of the night was dedicated to a discussion of special attack names. Mami likes an Italian flare for her names while Madoka uses Latin. While Sayaka agreed with her friend of a decade that Latin sounded cooler it really only worked with some sacred holy warrior. Madoka was a small cute magical girl and thus negated the cool factor. Mami’s italian flare was able to combine cool and cute in a way that was superior. If she made a contract she’d go Italian… if?
Once conversation withered out the two were off to be home before Madoka’s bedtime. Sayaka didn’t really have a bedtime but she’s supposed to be reasonable and probably just do what Madoka does which all and all was a good call. Most of the walk home was the two of them together which made an awkward silence.
It was obvious Madoka wanted to talk about her episode earlier and was building the courage. It would be over quicker if she just brought it up or tried to distract with something else. However before either option could be done Madoka spoke up.
“Sayaka-chan you know you don’t have to hide anything from me right?” Madoka spoke but didn’t look at Sayaka; she was staring at the stars. It was a beautiful spring night. “Yeah of course?” She responded while looking up at the sky herself so Madoka couldn't read her lie.
Even when not looking she could almost sense that Madoka smiled. “So you don’t have to pretend the magical girl question isn’t hard for you, I know how conflicted you are.” Madoka’s words were kind but she was calling out her weakness and that made a part of Sayaka wretch bitterly.
Said part wormed its way through her throat and out of her mouth. “What makes you think you understand how it feels you went and made the right choice? I'm the coward who can’t get over myself.” In her head it seemed more scathing to Madoka but it came out on herself instead.
That made her more frustrated. She was so dumb she couldn't even insult right. For a second Sayaka felt tears begin to leap from her eyes before she forced them back down. Not here she told herself.
“Sayaka it’s not cowardly to choose your own happiness, If you throw your own wants and needs away it will hurt the people who care about you. I don’t want you to throw yourself away.” Madoka was looking at her now, it was a powerful warm look serious but caring like she’s wanted to say this for a long time.
Stupid magical girl wisdom was all Sayaka could think. “I don’t want to be selfish, I want to be… I want to give something I want to help, I want to fight wraiths but…” Madoka hugged her? For someone who claimed to be bad at everything she was a great hugger.
“Becoming or not becoming a magical girl is not a selfish choice either way, you can want to do good and be hung up on the different implications, keeping your humanity isn’t selfish, making an informed choice isn’t selfish, grappling with what you want isn’t selfish. Magical girl or not you’re my friend and you're a good person, when I became a magical girl a part of it was your example.” There was a tick of silence as something awful took root in Sayaka, the worst guilt that her example pushed her best friend to this.
Then for the second time Madoka struck like a wrathful goddess. “Also before you go blaming yourself I don’t regret my wish and with full context I would do it again, I just look up to you… don’t make my compliment something mean.” The last part was an annoyed pout that Sayaka always loved getting out of Madoka.
Madoka was right of course, Sayaka should have known her best friend would see right through her. Madoka saw the best in everyone, even her. It was not wrong to take time and consider what she truly wanted, there was no reason for rushing into a decision one way or another. Was becoming a magical girl worth it? She had time to figure that out for herself.
“Thank you Madoka-chan, you always know how to get a girl out of a mood.” She hugged Madoka back as tight as she could. Well as tightly as she could without crushing the girl.
Sayaka was exhausted so soon after that the two split up after wishing each other a good night. Sayaka was home and in bed within minutes just long enough to brush her teeth and greet her parents. Laying in bed the civil war continued in her mind. Wants vs devotion, bravery vs cowardice, Madoka’s safety vs Modoka’s warning. One thing gave her comfort she had time to think and two wonderful people to talk about it with. Oh also Kyubey she wondered what he was doing today.