Chapter Text
Paris, France
Seonghyeon’s always stood out. In the eyes of Keonho, the boy was an enigma. He was the same age as him, but when he joined the company, Seonghyeon felt older. He hung out with the trainees who were older than him, and it was only till they officially met that he learned they had the same birth year.
It felt strange.
Seonghyeon who already had a beautiful voice. Seonghyeon who had a sharp nose and melancholic eyes. Seonghyeon who was the youngest in almost every monthly evaluation and yet others were reaching out for his help. Needless to say, Keonho’s always been intrigued by the other boy. Their first greeting was awfully shy, and in the moment, he regretted how it went.
Slowly, through hesitant meals and sporadic sneak-outs out of their dorms, things changed. Instead of waiting for their group dance lessons or vocal training sessions, Seonghyeon would slowly pull him by the wrist, having him stand near him and the other trainees. Keonho’s always suspected that despite Seonghyeon being an introvert, he has this other version of him that’s louder and kinder, and with him being the more awkward teenager, the boy, only older by a month, felt some compulsion to take care of him.
And so began their real friendship because after so many late night ramen trips to the Hangang river, Keonho knew that he was his best friend.
Seonghyeon was now the boy who rubbed his back when he cried about leaving his family, who made sure the restaurants they went to always had something milder for Keonho to eat, and who he felt the most comfortable with since, well, ever.
Seonghyeon was who Keonho leaned towards, whose phone was his, and once the final line-up for their debut team was announced, he was the only one Keonho had held later that night.
The boy smelled soft, like a nap in the woods, and Keonho’s face was muffled into his neck.
“Keonho? You okay?”
Seonghyeon’s voice was warm with concern.
“Mhm,” he smiled into his skin.
He readjusted his hands to tighten around Seonghyeon’s waist, “I’m so happy we’re on the same team.”
Seongyeon’s head tilts back to laugh in that oh so familiar way, except he doesn’t go as far with Keonho wrapped around him, “Me too, I’m really glad.”
“About me or debut?”.
“Both,” he finally gets away from Keonho’s grasp.
“This would’ve been a really great time for you to say me,” he teases.
He rolls his eyes, "Obviously it’s you.”
Oh.
“Really?”
Keonho doesn’t know if this is part of the teasing.
“Who else has been stuck to me since you’ve joined the company?”
He sputters to get a response out, “Well, I-”
“Let’s go,” James’ voice calls out from ahead of the hall, the meeting had just ended, “we’re heading back to the trainee dorms, and then in a few weeks we move to our own place.”
Whatever Keonho’s thoughts are that night are then shoved down, as he watches James lay an arm around Seonghyeon’s shoulders and pulls him out the doors.
Heat pools around his neck, and he isn’t sure if he’s having a fever, or if there’s something else.
On a second reflection, there were a good amount of moments like that in which he wondered what really was going on with him like watching Martin and Seonghyeon interact, referencing times when Keonho hadn’t joined, or even moments with Juhoon in which the pair went out for long walks. He never thought too much of it, choosing to not listen to whatever strings tugged at his stomach when he’d catch them laughing at an inside joke.
Seonghyeon’s caring, especially out of the rest of the members, and so it felt strange, wanting him to only look at him. Consequently there were times when he acted irrationally, pouting if their movie nights got cancelled because Seonghyeon wanted to check in on James, or rolling his eyes when the others would join in on their duo activities.
But he knew it wasn’t anything too significant, people can be possessive over their best friends at times, it isn’t strange.
He thinks at least.
And yet, they had days like right now in which exclusively him and Seonghyeon are sitting at a famous Parisian cafe, and he can’t imagine anyone being here other than the boy whose chocolate brown bangs are curtains to his eyes.
He’s wearing an embroidered jacket, the one gifted to him from a photoshoot they did earlier in the morning. His hair is lightly styled from the residual hair product too, and he’s currently people watching as they both sit on a table outside. It’s their second time in Paris, and this time the two are a pairing, while the rest of the older members are shooting with another magazine. They had already filmed the needed content, so the rest of the day was up to them.
“Fashion week isn’t so bad,” Keonho says absentmindedly.
It’s loud enough to pull Seonghyeon from staring at a couple walking by.
“Really? We’ve been up since six, and you’re definitely jetlagged,” he places his hot latte on the coaster.
Keonho stretches back, “We’re jetlagged.”
“Same difference,” he waves his hand.
“There’s something about it that’s different from the rest of our schedules.”
Seonghyeon still doesn’t get it, “Is it because we’re not in Korea? Because I’m pretty sure you whined about schedules last year when it was with Juhoon too.”
“I didn’t whine!”
His voice sounds younger, before he realizes that the other boy’s messing with him, “Plus that’s not what I’m talking about.”
The older boy hums, “Then what?”
“I like the clothes.”
“Sure, but we’ve done shoots in Korea too.”
“I like doing the fittings and going to the shows here too.”
His eyes narrow, “We- okay, these are things we do in any country.”
“It’s not,” he vaguely gestures to the table, “like this.”
Seonghyeon pauses, waiting for something more. He isn’t sure at all where Keonho is going with this.
“It’s with you, I think that’s what’s different, just you and me looking at clothes together or walking to art museums you like.”
His mind finally catches up to the fuzzy feeling he’s had since their flight to Paris of just them. He thinks of how Seonghyeon lets him take all his tofu skins in his curry because Keonho likes them, or how Keonho finds it natural to carry the other boy’s tote bag. He thinks of how lucky he is that Seonghyeon’s in the most romantic place in the world, and he’s stuck with him.
“Paris fashion week is just spending time with you, I like that,” he finishes.
His eyes land on Seonghyeon's. His cheekbones are dusted in pink, and immediately Keonho’s eyes grow in worry, “Are you sick?”
He reaches his hand over to hold Seonghyeon’s cheek, rubbing the warmth with his thumb, “Did you catch a fever last night?”
Seonghyeon clears his voice, “No, uh I’m fine.”
He doesn’t remove Keonho’s hand though, so it stays on his cheek, and Keonho’s smile grows at the permission of it.
“So, you like hanging out with me?”
Keonho nods immediately, “Yeah, like it’s fun with everyone else. James is crazy, Martin’s always up to something, and Juhoon’s calm, but being with you feels right, you know?”
Seonghyeon’s smile is a lot more timid now, “Yeah, I do know.”
The fuzzy feeling returns in his stomach, and he doesn’t know if it ever left. His hand is still on Seonghyeon’s cheek, and the warmth feels perfect under his skin. He has the sudden urge to pull him closer, hold him tight, and make sure that nothing comes close to the other boy. He thinks of a world where Paris fashion week is every month, and Seonghyeon gets to be his, even amidst comeback season or concert preparations.
“Keonho?”
Seonghyeon’s fully facing him now, no longer looking at any of the people passing by.
“Yeah?”
“Next time we’re in Paris, let’s do something again, just you and me.”
He lets out a sigh, “But what if we’re not paired up-”
Seonghyeon reaches his hand to hold on to the hand that Keonho’s caressing his face with, “I’m not talking about pairings or groups for shoots. We can go somewhere, on our own.”
Keonho’s eyes brighten, “Really?”
Seonghyeon’s face feels warmer now too, he notes.
“I’ll ask about it next time we’re here.”
He nods, feeling giddy already, “Where would you want to go?”
“You don’t have anywhere you want to go?”
He’s too sweet, Keonho thinks, “Nope, anywhere with you is good.”
His eyes look away; he’s always thought that shy Eom Seonghyeon is the cutest.
“I want to see Monet’s gardens. They aren’t in Paris, but maybe I could talk to the managers and figure something out,” he mumbles, still bashful.
“It’s happening,” he says defiantly.
Seonghyeon lets out a small giggle, “We don’t know that yet.”
Keonho nods in disagreement, “No it will, I’m sure.”
“You’re so stupid,” he laughs harder.
They’re probably the noisiest people to sit outside the cafe. Around them are people dressed in beige trench coats and white collared blouses, holding expensive lattes, clearly unimpressed by the two young boys, but Keonho can’t force himself to care. His hand moves down to Seonghyeon’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. His image, this career, the music they make, it doesn’t seem as important without Seonghyeon.
He doesn’t let go of his hand for the rest of the hour that they stay there, and Seonghyeon doesn’t make any move to let go either.
_______________
Keonho plays with the key chain on his bag. It was the one both him and Seonghyeon bought together on their first song camp in California. He can’t count how many paired items the two of them have. Lip balms, sweatshirts, tank tops; he can’t help but laugh at how much Seonghyeon wanted them to have separate things, only for half of his items to later become Keonho’s as well.
He turns to the other boy, seated further away from him as the lights remain dim on the flight.
Seonghyeon is sleeping, his head resting on James’ shoulder, and Keonho hates that he still feels jealous.
It’s been awful, though he doesn’t know if he can blame anyone but himself.
He’s been the one ignoring Seonghyeon all this time, and while he’d somehow manage to get a lecture from all three of his hyungs throughout it, he still didn’t know how it felt to be ignored. In spite of him being confused and distant, Seonghyeon hadn’t once stopped trying to reach out.
Now, he at least knows it feels like shit.
He’s been watching the rest of his members take turns being around Seonghyeon, never leaving an opening for him to approach him. Juhoon and James, especially. They had gone out to eat at the airport before boarding, and no invitation had been passed on. He isn’t sure if either of them know what happened, but he thinks that he might be safe since his head hasn’t been ripped off by James yet.
Martin on the other hand keeps throwing glances at him. Right now it’s just him and the leader waiting at the lounge. It’s way too early for him to be having this conversation right now, so Keonho keeps avoiding him, his headphones are on blast and he’s made a point to not have his eyes leave his phone once.
The older boy quickly snatches the headphones off of him after they settle down into the chairs,
“Keonho.”
He feels an incoming headache.
“What?”
Martin mumbles a small ‘fuck’, before speaking, “You’re not rooming with Seonghyeon?”
“Huh?”
Keonho hadn’t known anything about the roommate situation for France.
His posture changes immediately, “What are you talking about?”
Martin looks just as confused as him, which makes this all the scarier,
“I just got a text that Seonghyeon’s rooming with James, and now you’ll have a room with the manager.”
What.
Martin gives him a heavy stare, “Did you ask to change roommates?”
“I didn’t,” he pauses, only to repeat himself again, “I didn’t.”
“Well,” he runs a hand through his hair, still unsure, “I guess it’s good you’re not avoiding him.”
Keonho doesn’t know if he’s listening anymore.
The other boy keeps talking about their last show tonight to end off their first world tour or about how shopping will be so much fun since they’re all filming together, but all Keonho can think about is that if he hadn’t asked to make the room change, then Seonghyeon had.
His stomach curdles.
He hears a new set of voices now settling into the seats in front of Martin and Keonho.
It’s Seonghyeon, sandwiched between James and Juhoon. They’re carrying a few bags from the stores nearby, specifically he notes of an expensive red bag in James’ hand that the older boy is now trying to push to Seonghyeon, who’s laughing as he pushes the bag back towards James.
Juhoon finally settles the debate down and pushes the bag on the armrest between James and Seonghyeon, before at the last minute sneaking the bag into Seonghyeon’s carry on tote without his noticing.
James shares a secret glance with Juhoon, before shifting his eyes at Keonho.
They’re sharp and imploring, but more than that there’s a question in his eyes.
Keonho doesn’t know if he has any answers.
Martin catches this interaction too and tries to break the silence, “Where’d you guys go?”
“Breakfast at this new cafe at the airport. I don’t think it was here last time,” Juhoon answers.
He settles back into his chair before opening his phone to watch a show, and Seonghyeon leans into his shoulder to watch alongside.
It takes Keonho a few seconds, but he realizes that they’re trying to cheer him up. Buying him an expensive gift was probably James’ idea, and taking him off to get food, even though the boy’s a light eater, was likely Juhoon’s thinking.
It’s his fault. He knows it is, plain and simple. Who kisses someone, then wipes their lips in front of them?
Keonho does, and that’s why he can only watch as Juhoon brings a hand to pull Seonghyeon closer.
It doesn’t stop him from wanting to throw up though.
_______________
If James and Juhoon are on Seonghyeon-duty, Martin is on Keonho-duty.
Throughout sound check he continues to receive glances from him. He keeps checking in on him, asking if the boy needs another water, or if he’s feeling okay.
He doesn’t think too much of it though. All he wants to do is talk to Seonghyeon. He’s seated far from him.
James’ words ring distinctly,
“If someone pulls away , he'll convince himself that's what they need."
Keonho feels his eyes sting.
He keeps trying to catch Seonghyeon’s gaze, but if he’s not got a book in his hand or his in-ears on, Juhoon is wrapped around him, more affectionately than usual, or James is blabbing on about what they’ll do after the concert.
His hand feels painfully empty, and he doesn’t know how Seonghyeon’s been faring for the past two weeks, but Keonho thinks that only one day is enough for him to go insane. He thinks of how his hands should be holding his shoulders, not Juhoon’s, and it should be him making rounds to airport stores with him, not James.
He thinks harder, and his head begins to feel heavier.
“Here,” Martin passes him a pill and another bottled water.
Keonho tilts his head towards him.
“For your headache, or whatever,” he pauses, before changing his mind, “we need to fix some positioning, so just hang on, but right after I’ll ask the manager to take you to the hotel.”
That sounds good, before his mind blares again, “Wait- the soundcheck,” he moves to get up, “I can-”
Martin pushes his shoulder down, “No.”
He sighs, “Look, this- you need some rest. I want you to be okay for the concert at least, and the soundcheck’s only important for the positioning at this point.”
“I’m fine-”
Keonho feels a new layer of guilt pool in his stomach.
He hasn’t been able to concentrate well during soundcheck, making mistakes in the choreography, which became rarer as they continued deeper into the tour. It stands out when their dance instructor only shows concern rather than criticism. It’s also been the only time when Seonghyeon has caught his eyes on purpose.
They’re blank, a look that Keonho hasn’t seen before.
He looks away before he can make anything more out of it.
“You’re not fine,” Martin’s hand moves to ruffle his hair, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but give it some thought after our concert.”
He opens his mouth to spit up a lie, a cover-up for the way he’s been acting, but Martin’s eyes are all too sincere for him to fabricate something they both know isn’t true.
“I’ll think about it.”
Martin nods slowly, “Okay.”
The older boy walks away from Keonho, giving him some well-needed space as he downs the pill.
He spares another glance at Seonghyeon, whose eyes are glazed upon Keonho while the younger boy isn’t looking.
He runs a hand over his face, hoping the next few hours feel shorter than usual
Without much of a say, Keonho is transplanted to the hotel immediately after. The manager must’ve heard something too as he keeps checking in on him through the mirror.
“Do you have a fever? We can get-”
He brushes it off, “I’m fine, Martin’s in his own world.”
He tries to add a short laugh, which the manager doesn’t reciprocate.
“If something comes up, we can always sit you out-”
“No,” his voice ends up becoming more strangled, “I don’t want to skip out on a concert because of whatever he keeps saying. I’m fine.”
He lets out a sigh, “Okay, just don’t overdo it.”
Hours later the concert passes in a blur of colored lights. He doesn’t remember much, except for the ending comments.
He’s trying to not think about how at the end of Martin’s final thank you, Seonghyeon is strategically standing as far as possible from him during the group hug.
At their first concert, Seonghyeon had been closest to him, and Keonho’s hands naturally brought him even closer.
He remembers Martin muttering a “clingy” under his breath, and he hadn’t cared to correct him.
It wasn’t like he was wrong.
And now Seonghyeon was doing every ad-lib without him, finding ways to avoid him during their encore; it’s so different from their show in London, that Keonho keeps holding his breath each time he thinks Seonghyeon could be looking over at him.
He’s met with disappointment each time.
As the stage begins to pull them down, he tries to catch Seonghyeon, but James is faster and pulls him to the lounge.
Keonho can only watch as the pair make their way out.
He feels a wetness on his cheeks, before pushing himself to the nearest bathroom.
The tour started with the loudest praise Keonho had ever received from their fans, and tonight it ends in an empty bathroom stall, teardrops falling on black and white tiles, and an aching emptiness as he wonders where Seonghyeon will be without him.
_______________
“Keonho?”
Martin knocks the door rapidly, deciding this bet has run its course. Keonho keeps avoiding Seonghyeon, and he isn’t sure if it's because he’s finally decided to confront his feelings towards the older boy or if he’s only become further in denial.
Be the leader, they said, it would be fun they said.
“Fun my ass,” he rolls his eyes before finding Keonho in the empty hotel room. The room was unusually quiet.
He opens the door to find him sprawled across the bed, aimlessly tapping at his phone.
“Oh what the fuck,” Keonho blurts out immediately, “how’d you even get inside?”
Martin dangles the room card, “I asked the manager for the card you kept.”
The other boy glances at the desk lamp beside him to find only a napkin where his room card was last kept.
He runs a quick hand through his hair,
“What do you want now? Here to tell me about my feelings for Seonghyeon again?”
He thinks that making progress with Keonho is like taking a hundred steps backwards for each single step he takes forward, and so he attempts to be patient.
“Fucking hell, Keonho, what is going on with you?”
He attempted—that was an attempt.
“I’m fine,” the youngest grits, “you’re making this so much larger than it needs to be. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I don’t like Seonghyeon.”
Keonho doesn’t know why he keeps lying.
Martin has the smallest urge to drop him from the top of the Eiffel Tower, but unfortunately it's peak tourist time at night, and being accused of murder doesn’t sound right next to his producer and leader titles, so he lets the idea go.
“Really? Is that why you kissed him in London?”
Keonho freezes.
“How do you know that?”
His voice is quiet.
“If you’re going to make out with a member, at least pick somewhere private, a recording room is asking for disaster.”
Martin watches as Keonho removes the blankets wrapped around him swiftly. He also takes in the guilty face that’s replaced all the complacence he had earlier.
“Does anyone else know, manager-”
Keonho’s eyes widen as Martin settles himself onto the bed now, “Of course not, I made sure no one entered until one of you guys left.”
Keonho swallows a lump down his throat, “Thank you.”
The older boy’s eyes soften, “Do you want to talk about it now?”
“No, I mean-” he sighs, “I don’t know what I want honestly.”
“Have you guys talked at all?”
He blanches.
“Yeah I figured, Seonghyeon’s been quiet all day,” he nudges Keonho’s shoulder lightly.
“I’m not trying to hurt him.”
“I know.”
“I think I just don’t know where I stand with all of this,” he runs a hand through his hair.
Martin pauses, “I think you know more than you think.”
The boy’s stomach turns.
He thinks of meeting Seonghyeon when he was fifteen at the company. He thinks of them eating ramen after late night dance practices. He thinks of him always.
After every movie, when Seonghyeon stares at the credits till the end, Keonho only stares at him, but that’s what makes it scarier.
He’s had his fair share of short term infatuations.
An attractive idol or actor is obviously no rarity in the industry they work in, but he’s not just some pretty face that Keonho can latch onto for one night then let go of after their promotions are over. This is the same Seonghyeon who makes sure he’s not nervous before performances, who makes sure he doesn’t cry when they’re doing ending ments at these concerts, and the idea of losing someone like that is horrific.
“You’re in love with Seonghyeon,” he finalizes for Keonho.
I am.
He wants to let it go, the pretense of this game. The idea that not being roommates with Seonghyeon isn’t killing him, but then he thinks of today.
It’s nothing compared to what he’s done to the other boy, but Keonho doesn’t know if he can take one more night of pretending that Seonghyeon isn’t someone important to him.
The words feel shaky and unstable when he says them out loud, but at least he knows they’re true.
“I love Seonghyeon,” he whispers.
“Yeah,” Martin smiles in relief and pats him on the shoulder, “what are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to tell him tomorrow morning,” his voice hardens.
“Okay good, you two need to get it together seriously-”
Keonho slams the pillow he’s resting on into Martin’s face. He feels lighter now, but his mind still has doubts.
What if it’s too late?
What if he doesn’t like him?
What if he’s lost his chance, and it’s over before it ever got a chance to begin?
Martin catches his worried eyes, “Keonho, it’s going to be okay. It’s you and Seonghyeon, your just going to have some faith that it’ll work itself out.”
He gets up and squeezes his shoulder, “You can do this, okay?”
Keonho nods, “Thanks, for this,” he hesitates, “and everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes.”
He smiles fondly, “You don’t have to thank me.”
“I know,” Keonho gives him a weak smile, “I want to though.”
The door closes gently after Martin takes his leave.
In spite of his words, Keonho can only imagine the worst case scenario. Seonghyeon scoffing at him, or making the older boy cry again, but he can’t bring himself to stop thinking about what to say, because if he knows anything it’s that he owes it to Seonghyeon to say something. And he thinks he owes it to himself to finally address whatever’s been happening between the two of them for the past few years.
_______________
Keonho’s been pushing the flakes in his cereal bowl for the past twenty minutes; they’ve been soggy for far too long.
He hates how Seonghyeon’s been able to get away from him once again.
There’s an empty seat between the two, that even Martin winces at, in spite of him already being told about his plan. To make things worse, the conversation around the table circles around everyone but Keonho, who can only stare as Seonghyeon continues to talk to James in hushed whispers.
He doesn’t know much about what they’re talking about as he continues to push the milk with the back of his spoon.
“Seonghyeon, have you seen this?”
Juhoon tilts his phone towards him.
“What is it?”
“The boyfriend Seonghyeon tag that keeps trending? You haven’t seen it?”
He only shakes his head in confusion, “I haven’t been going online as much lately.”
Martin scoffs, “It’s been going on since the tour started how do you not know?”
Juhoon moves his phone for everyone to see.
It’s a fan compilation of clips of Seonghyeon. Him handing a water bottle to a fan in Jakarta or smiling at a kid in Taipei, there’s clips of him handing his bandanna to a young girl crying, and Keonho can only agree with the tag.
“Why is the font in light pink?”
“I don’t know you tell me boyfriend Seonghyeon.”
He groans before hiding his face behind a glass of orange juice, clearly embarrassed, “Can we stop talking about this?”
“Of course not,” James laughs as he slides to another edit that Juhoon has on his phone.
“This is unfair, I wasn’t even doing anything,” he mumbles more to himself than anything.
“Seonghyeonnie-”
A manager approaches before anyone can tease him again.
"Seonghyeon."
The boy looks up.
"Could I borrow you for a minute?"
"Right now?"
"It'll only take a second."
"Oh."
He quietly pushes his chair back.
"I'll be right back."
The chair slides softly against the floor, and Keonho watches him disappear toward the lobby.
Only after he's gone does Martin finally look around the table.
"Don’t stress out too much," he says low for only him to hear.
James though is far too sharp and he hears something, “If you’re mumbling anything to Martin it better be related to how you’re going to make it up to Seonghyeon.”
Juhoon looks between them in confusion, “Wait I thought you already talked to him though after James.”
Keonho pushes a hand through his hair, “Not exactly.”
"...What?"
"James said you were going to."
He’s met with silence.
"Did you?"
His throat feels painfully dry, "Somewhat."
Keonho feels oddly thankful for Martin, knowing that he hasn’t aired out his laundry to the rest of the members but Juhoon’s eyes soften momentarily.
"I don't need to know what happened, but when we get back to Korea, try to fix it.”
Keonho doesn't answer.
He continues anyway, "You've both been miserable."
James nods once, "It's uncomfortable."
Juhoon points between the empty seat separating Keonho from where Seonghyeon had been sitting.
"I've literally never seen you guys voluntarily sit apart."
“I will,” he says, and this time he knows he isn’t lying.
A few minutes later, the manager returns. Seonghyeon follows behind him, looking vaguely confused.
"I've got a quick announcement."
Everyone looks up.
The manager smiles, "So," he glances toward Seonghyeon, "We've finalized everything."
The boy’s ears immediately begin turning pink again.
Martin notices first, "What?"
The manager laughs, "We were waiting until contracts were signed."
"Seonghyeon's staying in Paris."
The table falls mute.
"Huh?" James says.
"Only for three days,” the manager continues, "Heize's team reached out while you were on tour. They knew CORTIS would already be finishing in Europe, and they asked if Seonghyeon would appear opposite one of the members of a girl group in her upcoming music video."
Martin's eyes widen, "No way."
The manager nods proudly, "They specifically requested him."
Seonghyeon ducks his head slightly, "I didn't know until yesterday."
James grins, "That's huge."
"It is."
Juhoon practically lights up, "Heize? I love her music."
Seonghyeon smiles shyly, “Thanks."
Keonho's stomach sinks.
A girl group member.
Three days.
Filming together.
Acting together.
His chest tightens before he can stop it.
James asks the obvious question, "So who's the other artist?"
The manager opens his folder, but before he can answer—Keonho interrupts.
"Wait."
Everyone looks over.
"I thought-," his voice comes out tighter than intended, “I thought you hated acting."
The room grows noticeably quieter.
"You hated filming What You Want, remember, you kept saying how awkward it felt. Are you sure you want to do another music video?"
The second the words leave his mouth he regrets them.
Seonghyeon's smile falters.
They haven’t spoken properly since the kiss, and this is what breaks their fast.
His shoulders draw in slightly, "I-" he looks almost caught off guard, "I just-”
Martin cuts in before the silence can stretch, "No, no."
He waves both hands, "That's completely different."
He turns toward Seonghyeon with the biggest smile, "This is incredible. Heize is amazing, and they’re specifically wanting you."
Juhoon nods, “Exactly”
James gives him a softer smile, “And if it’s terrible, you’ll never have to worry about this again.”
That finally earns a tiny laugh from Seonghyeon, “Hopefully."
The manager smiles before sprinting into the logistics.
Keonho hears how they’re already arranging an acting coach, how they’ve coordinated the rest of their promotions in Korea to give Seonghyeon time to catch up. His stomach sinks further and further with each detail.
"We'll fly the rest of you home tonight, and Seonghyeon will return in three days."
Martin reaches over to pat him on the shoulder, "Guess we'll see you back in Korea."
James points at him in all seriousness, "I'm making you bring us pastries."
"I can do that."
"Fancy ones, not airport pastries.”
"I'll try."
The conversation slowly shifts into teasing. How Seonghyeon will interact with a girl he’s never met before, and how he’ll miss out on their late-night gaming sessions for the first three days back to Korea. He watches him laugh as the members make more and more jokes, but he keeps replaying how Seonghyeon’s face had fallen because of him.
Once again, he’d done it, turning moments that could’ve been about him and Seonghyeon into moments about his fear.
His spoon sits forgotten in the bowl, and across the table, Seonghyeon laughs quietly at something Juhoon says. The laugh sounds smaller than it used to.
Maybe that's just his imagination, or maybe—he'd finally succeeded.
He'd spent weeks convincing himself that distance would preserve their friendship.
Then he kissed him.
And now, on what should have been one of the happiest mornings of Seonghyeon's career, the first thing he'd done was make him second-guess himself.
Outside the hotel windows, Paris glowed beneath a pale morning sky. By tonight, four of them would be flying home underneath that sky, and Seonghyeon wouldn’t. For the first time since this bet started, it dawns on Keonho that there would be three whole days where he wouldn't even have the chance to fix any of this.