Chapter Text
CAMILA
After our lazy day in, Lauren takes me to the zoo, spending a lot of our time at the koala exhibit after pleading with her to wait in the enormously long line with me to be able to hold one. (I might have cried a little.) Lauren saves all of the next day for the aquarium where she lets Sofi tagalong. She spends a majority of the time explaining to my little sister why sharks are so misunderstood and emphatically discussing their bad eyesight.
The next date is an honest to god picnic on the beach and I almost wonder how she’s doing so well with planning dates. I laugh a little when I remember how her name is etched onto my skin.
Unfortunately, Lauren can only avoid but so much work. With her inevitable return to her job I spend a couple of days with my dad and Sofi. They don’t ask as many questions about Lauren as I thought they would but I end up talking about her the whole time anyways because...it’s Lauren . My dad teases me about being smitten, glad that I’m letting myself get this far and it’s the most normal I’ve felt with him in a long time. Sofi tells me all she’s read up on sharks and how she can’t wait to tell Lauren everything and I’m smiling so big that my cheeks hurt.
I end up back at her apartment every night when she gets off work and it’s almost (definitely) embarrassing how clingy I’ve already gotten. I tell her I’ve missed her and the kisses she gives me say she missed me too. Then I’m in her arms and she’s holding me through the night while my lips press against her neck and it’s the closest I’ve been to feeling whole in eleven years.
There’s one night that we take Vero out to dinner as way of me thanking her for helping me get my shit together. She’s practically shaking with how happy she is for us and she’s making jokes about ‘too much Cuban booty in one relationship’ and it’s relieving to be able to take things lightly for once.
Lauren is making good on her promise of taking me on as many dates as possible in two weeks and as deeply as I love the gesture of making up for lost time, I’m anxious for when our time does run out.
All my concerns completely shift one night as we’re all cozied up for bed and I’m about four minutes away from snoring when she’s asking me to meet her parents again and I’m suddenly looking at the soonest flights back to North Carolina.
“Camz, it’s just my parents,” she tries reassuring me.
“They probably hate me!”
“Why would they hate you?”
“I lied! I broke your heart! I was late to the party!”
“The last reason probably doesn’t need to be there,” she ventures and I shrug.
“I needed a third reason.”
Lauren releases a little laugh and moves closer, wrapping herself around me as she brings her head to rest on my shoulder. “Baby, they understand why you did it. You were scared and they’re not going to hold that against you.”
I stay silent at her words, not at all convinced. “Being scared shouldn’t be reason enough for hurting you.”
Her hand roams along my body until it finds mine, intertwining our fingers and I can feel her leaning down to press a kiss to my skin where her name is inked on my collarbone. “That’s too bad, because it is.”
There’s a swelling in my chest at how steadfast Lauren sounds, how comforting she’s being. It’s tinged with guilt and a little apprehension at meeting her parents another time but she’s holding me so securely that I almost believe things would be as simple as crossing that bridge when I get there.
—
It kind of is as simple as that.
I’m definitely a nervous wreck when Lauren pulls up to her parents’ driveway and all I can think of is my dad reminding me to just be honest with them and with Lauren. It’s followed with the memory of Sofi telling me to not be an idiot again and I figure that’s good enough advice to get me through the night.
“Camila! It’s nice to see you again,” Clara greets me when we get past the door, enveloping me in a hug. “Or do we call you Karla now?”
There’s a lot of effort in stopping myself from cringing. “Camila is good. I’ve gone so long with it, Karla doesn’t seem to fit me anymore.” I try to keep my smile from looking like a grimace.
Mike and Clara seem to share a look between each other but I don’t let myself dwell on it.
“It’s nice to see you again Mrs.Jaur-”
“No no, none of that. It’s Clara, okay? Mike and Clara.” There’s a sweet smile to her clarification and I nod in understanding with a smile of my own. I turn to see Lauren watching us intently and reaching for my hand again, giving it a squeeze and sending me a look of reassurance.
“I’m glad you could join us tonight. We’re really glad that Lauren’s found you and that she gets to keep you,” Mike eagerly chimes in as he puts an arm around my shoulders in a half hug. His words are excited but there’s the slightest bit of edge to the tone of his voice that has me wondering.
“Are Chris and Taylor here?” Lauren cuts in, sending a sharp look between her parents.
“Yeah, they’re setting up the table for dinner,” Mike responds.
“Great. I’m going to introduce Camz,” she starts leading me away from her parents, failing to hide the exasperated look she gives them.
“Lo, I didn’t know your brother and sister were going to be here too,” I whisper harshly in a panic as we create distance from her parents.
“Well…yeah,” she shrugs. “I wanted the whole family to meet you again under the right circumstances. I want them to meet you as…” Lauren pauses before giving me a meaningful look. “I want to introduce you as mine this time.”
All wariness is gone and my heart stutters in response as my voice seems to be lost, all I can seem to manage is a grin. I lean forward to give her a soft peck and she gives my hand a comforting squeeze.
“Don’t stress, okay? They understand and they’re going to love you.”
I can only nod, my nerves returning as I silently pray that I don’t royally fuck up somehow tonight.
It’s easy to tell with the knowing looks that all the Jauregui’s share between one another, that Lauren’s given her family at least the Cliff Notes version of how her and I have gotten to this point together. My uneasiness returns as a part of me grows paranoid that their eyes are judging and their smiles are forced.
I tell myself that my worrying is misplaced, each member of Lauren’s family as welcoming as they were at the holiday party, Chris and Taylor even asking about Sofi who really got along with their younger cousins. I smile at the memory of my sister making friends so effortlessly.
By the time everyone’s plate is filled and there’s a steady chatter across the table I finally feel myself fully relax, lazily holding Lauren’s hand that rests on my thigh. It’s when the topic of discussion comes back to me that things take a bit of a turn.
“So Camila” Clara starts, turning to me. “Lauren tells us you’re a pre-med student?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “I’m aiming to be a pediatric neurosurgeon actually.”
Everyone but Lauren’s eyebrows raise in surprise, Lauren instead running her thumb across my knuckles as she sends me a proud smile.
“That’s definitely impressive,” Mike says in turn. “What led you to pursue that in particular?”
A moment passes where I’m silent because I’ve never had a sure answer to this. I end up shrugging with a small grin. “It feels right to me. High school Camila wouldn’t have guessed that a few documentaries on brain development would eventually lead me to actually wanting to become a doctor. But it did and I can’t say that I would want to be doing anything else.”
Chris and Taylor share an impressed look while Clara smiles at me warmly, Mike remains a little shocked. Lauren’s look of pure pride and adoration are what have me blushing.
“That sounds like it would take a lot of time though,” he presses forward.
“All good things take time, don’t they?” I attempt at playfulness. “But yeah, it’ll be another four years of med school and then six years of residency before I’m a full fledged ‘Doctor.’”
Mike nods as he processes the information. “So where are you studying?”
“I’m pre-med at UNC right now but I’m hoping to get into Duke for grad school.”
“That’s up in…South Carolina?” Chris pipes in uncertainly.
“North actually, but close enough,” I laugh lightly.
“Quite a ways away from home,” Mike notes with surprise.
I can only nod in agreement. “Yeah, it makes coming down here during breaks to visit but it’s a really great school and I know that it would be worth it in the end.”
“So when do you plan on moving up there, Laur?” he’s asking abruptly and my body tenses. I spare a glance at Lauren who’s looking just a little guilty. The tension seems to be clear to everyone in the room.
I manage to stare at Lauren with wide eyes and a gaping mouth long enough for her to speak up, my own voice lost on me.
“Uh, I’m not sure yet dad. We haven’t had the chance to talk about it yet.”
That’s a perfectly acceptable answer, I thought.
But then Lauren’s parents are sending us both a questioning look and there’s a dejected panic on Lauren’s face that spurs me into finding my voice.
“I mean, I still have a lease with my current roommate that I can’t abandon her with it and there really wouldn’t be much room for another person to move in so Lauren and I have just decided to tackle that situation when we get to it,” and I’m entirely aware that I’m rambling but I can’t seem to stop.
“And I wouldn’t want Lauren to be so hasty in leaving Miami since she still has all of you here and she’d be starting completely new in North Carolina. It would be a lot to ask of her to haul her whole life up there just for me…”
My voice trails off in uncertainty and I swallow thickly.
“Well I think that’s kind of really sweet of you,” Taylor comments and I give her a weak smile.
“There’s a U-Haul Lesbian joke in here somewhere I just don’t know what it is,” Chris smirks and Lauren smacks the back of his head while Taylor’s hand lands on his chest.
“Ow! Okay, maybe not. Jeez, tough crowd.”
Lauren takes this as opportunity to avert the conversation topic and it helps in easing my nerves, I almost don’t think anything of the way Clara eyes me warily the rest of the meal.
Almost.
My dad calls right when we’re all standing from the table, Lauren making it clear that I can take the call as she’s helping her mom clear plates. Making my way to the front door, I swipe my phone to answer the call as I step outside.
“Yes, father?” I greet in an annoyingly pleasant tone.
“ Hello to you too, mija. Sofi and I were just wanting to check in.”
I feel my shoulders rise and fall in a shrug, completely aware they can’t see me. “I think it went okay? I mean, you’ve met them dad, they’re super welcoming and nice.”
“ I told you it wouldn’t be hard for them to like you!”
“ I said they were nice, not that they liked me.”
“ Well who’s to say they don’t like you?”
I pick at the hem of my shirt nervously and my eyebrows crease in concern. “I don’t know, honestly. I feel like they were just being friendly and they’re putting up with me for Lauren’s sake.”
“ I doubt that’s true,” my dad just about scoffs. “ Look, I know you’re still beating yourself up about how you went with things but it’s not like none of us don’t understand why you did it. You were a downright pain in the ass but we understood. Most importantly, Lauren understood. Her parents might take time but so long as Lauren is on your side then that’s what matters right?”
I let out a long sigh and try my best to stop the tears from forming because I like to think I’m not always an emotional mess.
(I am. But denial gets me through the day.)
“Yeah,” I say softly as I think back to Lauren, a fond smile gracing my lips.
“ Good. Hey, your sister wants to talk to you a bit.”
“ Okay go ahead and put her on the phone-”
“ Kaki!”
I yank the phone away from my ear at the sheer volume and cringe for my eardrums. “Que pasa, nena?”
“ Are you with Lauren right now?”
“ No, did you only want to talk to her?” I ask with a little indignation.
“ Kind of, yeah.”
“Sofi!”
“ Well, I have an essay due in my environmental science class and I was going to write mine about sharks so I was going to talk to Lauren about it.”
“Are you sure you don’t just like her better than you like me?” I jokingly tease.
“ That’s also part of it.”
“ Sofi!” I can’t believe this girl.
“ I’m only joking! You know you’re my favorite sister. Don’t be a big baby,” she prompts me and I roll my eyes at her sass. I don’t bother reminding her I’m her only sister.
“Lauren and I will come by sometime and you two can talk about sharks all night long if you really want to.”
“ Sweet, thanks Kaki!”
I smile at my sister’s excitement, sending my love to both her and my dad as I make my way back inside the Jauregui household.
Pausing in the hallway to finally get off the phone with my sister and put it in my back pocket, voices in the kitchen cause me to hesitate.
“Ma, you have to admit it’s kind of a big step.” It’s clearly Lauren speaking and curiosity stops me from walking through the door and making my presence known.
“Maybe, but it’s not like it doesn’t make sense. She sounded like she’s not even sure she wants to move in with you.”
Clara’s words are delivered with a harsh tone that differs so strongly from any she’s used throughout dinner and I’m taken aback at the contrast.
“This is a lot for her, mom. She’s trying!”
I feel my heart swell at Lauren’s insistence on coming to my defense.
“We see that Lauren, we promise. I think your mom is just trying to tell you to be careful.” My heart deflates and apprehension grows inside of me at Mike’s words. There’s a sense of dread at what’s to follow.
“Careful of what ?” She’s demanding and the frustration in her voice is evident.
“You said it yourself,” Clara answers. “There’s a lot of things she’s not ready for. When people aren’t ready they fall back into habits and as we’ve all seen, Camila has had a habit of looking out for herself.”
Her words are sharp and calculated with a biting tone. There’s a pause that stretches between the three of them and the longer the silence, the heavier the weight in my chest grows.
“What are you trying to say?” Lauren’s voice is quieter and I strain to hear it.
“I’m saying that she hasn’t had to put anyone but herself first for a long time. Don’t let her do that to you. Don’t let her make you forget that your needs are important too.” Clara’s tone is motherly and cautious and there’s an unsettling in the pit of my stomach in knowing that this is what she thinks of me.
“She promised me she’ll try,” Lauren speaks up again and there’s conviction in her voice that I’m grateful for. “That’s enough for right now.”
“And when it isn’t enough later?” Clara’s voice is challenging now, sounding a lot like the condescending tone mothers take when they know better and I begin to feel sick. I take a step back, unable to listen to any more, my heart hammering out of my chest while every inhale is sharp and takes too much out of me.
I nearly trip over myself when I feel a hand on my shoulder and let out a loud gasp when I turn around to find Chris.
“Woah hey, it’s just me. No need to freak.” He’s looking at me with an amused smile and I only manage to stare back at him with wide eyes.
“Are you okay?”
No, I’m really not okay because Clara can already tell I’m not good enough for Lauren and the pathetic part of me wants to laugh at how apparent that is. There’s a tightening in my chest that begs for Lauren not to believe it, to still give me a chance. I’m so close to panicking until I see Chris starting to look at me with genuine concern and I will myself to reel everything in for now.
“Yeah,” I nod while swallowing thickly. “You just scared the shit out of me.”
“I said your name but you were really zoned out. You sure everything’s okay?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. I was just thinking about what I’m going to do while your sister has work tomorrow. I should probably take care of some errands like an adult,” I try to joke and he throws me a wry grin.
“Sounds like the responsible thing to do. Which is gross,” he chuckles. “But you can hold off on all that, me and Taylor are about to play Mortal Kombat and I need someone to finally beat her.”
“I’m not sure that I’ve ever played Mortal Kombat. It sounds a little intense and I don’t think I’m good at any sort of combat?”
“Don’t worry, just mash all the buttons and hope for the best.”
It doesn’t prove to be a good strategy, but that’s what I do for a few the next fifteen minutes or so, pressing at random buttons while Chris trash talks his little sister. It’s hard not to laugh at their antics and I’m relieved at how easy it is to get along with them, having been worried that they’d be against me with how I had initially treated Lauren.
Kind of like how her parents feel about me…
And just like that, everything I overheard rushes to the forefront of my mind and everything in me falters, allowing Taylor to win again and I pretend to laugh along as I had Chris the controller back.
“Maybe if I practice I’ll have a better chance,” I offer with a weak smile as he’s frowning at his sister.
“Don’t stress it, I’m sure she’s cheating anyways.”
“I’m sorry you’re a sore loser,” she sticks her tongue out at him and he flips her off in response. The action earns him a smack on the shoulder and I watch quietly as the two bicker, exchanging insults as they return to trying to virtually disembowel each other in Mortal Kombat.
It’s another couple minutes of mindlessly watching the younger Jauregui’s fight to the death when I hear footsteps come down the hallway, Lauren coming up to stand next to my spot on the couch.
“Hi baby,” she greets me with soft eyes and a tender smile.
“Hi,” I respond softly and with a small smile of my own.
“Everything good with your dad?”
“Oh, yeah. He was just calling to see how dinner went. Sofi is also writing an essay on sharks so she wants to consult with her new shark expert friend,” I say with a teasing smirk.
“That’s adorable,” Lauren practically coos. “I’ll have to drop by sometime and help her with it.”
“She’d really like that,” I say looking up at her fondly. She leans down to peck my lips before taking a seat next to me.
“Where are your mom and dad?” I ask cautiously.
“They’re just uh, finishing cleaning up the kitchen. Mom’s probably gossiping while dad pretends to listen,” Lauren plays it off with a laugh that seems a little forced and I decide I probably shouldn’t push the issue.
“Do you wanna head out in a bit? I’m suddenly really tired.” The suggestion is abrupt but she looks antsy to leave and I simply nod along.
“Sure, I ate a bunch so I’m definitely ready for a cat nap.”
“Okay, let me go say bye to my parents and we can leave.”
“I’ll come with you,” I offer, nearly missing the way Lauren hesitates. Before she can suggest otherwise, Clara and Mike are walking down the hallway from the kitchen and watching the both of us.
“Are you two already leaving?” Mike asks.
“We were just about to go over and say our goodbyes actually,” I admit, making my way over to thank them for dinner and accommodating me this evening. Clara waves me off, insisting that she was more than happy to and I pretend not to watch as she quietly speaks to Lauren off to the side. Chris and Taylor stop their game long enough to hug the both of us goodbye, reminding us to visit again when I’m back from school and I manage not to flinch at the thought of all my time away.
Lauren holds my hand the whole way back to her apartment, the ride mostly silent and I’m not sure if I should ask if she’s okay, pretending that I don’t already know the answer. I settle for bringing our joined hands into my lap, running my thumbs over her knuckles and quietly humming along to the Khalid album she has playing.
The silence carries into her apartment when we get there, me quietly following her as she heads into the bathroom. the both of us get ready for bed side by side and I try not to think about how much I’m going to miss the domesticity. There’s still no words between us as we change into sleep clothes and she perches herself on the edge of the bed while I tuck myself under the covers. It’s not until a few more minutes pass that I decide to finally broach the subject.
“You’ve been awfully quiet, Lo.”
Her head snaps towards me, eyes wide and uncertain. “What? Oh, I’m sorry. Just been thinking about some things.”
“Any things in particular?” I attempt to prod.
“Uh, mostly some family stuff I spoke to my parents about earlier.”
I frown, Clara’s cutting words rushing to the forefront of my mind. Quickly, I shake my head of the memory, intent on focusing on comforting Lauren.
“You know if you ever want to talk about any of it, I’m all ears.” Lauren gives me a small smile and I reach for her, motioning for her to lay with me. “I always want to hear about what’s going on with you, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispers back and I strain my neck to plant a kiss on her forehead. I tug her hand and motion vaguely until she gets the hint to lay herself on top of me. I smile contentedly, wrapping my legs around her waist, arms circling her shoulders as I pull her face into the crook of my neck and begin stroking her hair. I leave occasional kisses on the side of her head and smile when I feel her hands grip my waist tightly.
Lauren’s breath is steady and the only indication that she’s even awake is her thumbs rubbing slow circles on my skin under the hem of my shirt. I feel my eyelids grow heavy as minutes pass in such a peaceful state together, every part of me completely relaxed and secure in Lauren’s hold.
“Hey Lo?”
“Hm?” she hums against my neck and one of my hands roam over to cup her cheek.
“I love you.”
I hadn’t planned on saying it, hadn’t even considered when I would. But I consider it now that it’s out there and I know that I wouldn’t want to take it back, I know that I mean it and I want her to know too. If there’s anything I can give her, it’s this.
Everything in Lauren’s body tenses, I can even feel the way her eyes snap open and her breath catches in her throat. Slowly, she extracts herself from my arms, raising her head to face me.
“What?”
She’s painted with disbelief and shock, eyes searching mine for any hint of uncertainty and I reach up once again to cup her face, stroking her cheek as I try to pour every ounce of sincerity in conviction into my voice.
“I love you, Lauren.”
There’s only silence while she stares at me, mouth agape.
“Yeah?” she asks a little dumbfounded and I smile at the dopey look she takes on. I nod my head yes and suddenly she’s kissing me, her body pressed to mine once more and it’s not long before she’s giggling into my mouth.
“I love you too, you know. I just want to be clear on that.”
“Yeah?” I ask much the same way she did and she rolls her eyes at me before leaning down for another kiss.
Abruptly she’s pulling away and hovering over me. “You’re sure, right? Because it’s only been two weeks so maybe...I don’t know. Are you sure?”
My hand trails along Lauren’s shoulder and down her arm where Karla is printed on her skin right on the inside of her elbow, my fingers lightly tracing over the letters.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
-
“I don’t want to go,” Lauren whines as she clings to me the next morning.
“You gotta.”
“Don’t make me.”
“Baby. You have to.”
Lauren fixes me with her best pout and I almost give in when she bats her eyelashes.
“You can’t call out of work again, Lo.”
“Why not ?”
“You have bills. And you probably enjoy eating. I definitely do.”
“I think everyone knows you enjoying eating, Camz.”
I stick my tongue out at her and before I can blink, she’s covering my mouth with hers, tongue and all.
Quickly, I pull away and scrunch my nose at her. “You’re gross,” I remark with no real bite to my tone. She just giggles and holds me tighter.
“I love you,” she breathes out, eyes trained on me with a smile plastered on her face. I lean forward to press our mouths together but it doesn’t last long with how her smile breaks the kiss.
“I love you too,” I reciprocate softly. “But you still have to go to work.”
“Damnit.”
-
My mom loved camellia flowers, loved how they grew year-long and were such gentle colors. So the flowers I get for my mom when I visit are always camellias. It’s corny and it lost its poetic appeal a long long time ago, but it’s the closest I can get to honoring her somehow so now it’s tradition. They’re usually white, but sometimes when I feel like it doesn’t hurt as much to be without her, I’ll get the pink ones.
They’re white this time.
I place them centered in front of her tombstone, sitting crosslegged and letting myself get situated. It’s only after a couple minutes of staring at the carved letters that spell SINUHE CABELLO that I release a long breath, my body relaxing only in the slightest.
“Hi mami,” I start softly, how I always do. “I think papi is really doing better. At least he’s letting himself be better. We had a really really long talk and I’m hoping we understand each other more. Now I know how he coped and now he knows how I couldn’t and it’s…progress.”
Leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees and my head on my hands, I hesitate before continuing.
“You’ll be glad to know I finally got my head out of my ass becase me and Lauren are together now and… And I love her,” I give a slight shrug at the confession.
“I mean, anyone could have guessed that I would love her since we’re kind of made for each other. It’s easy too, being with her. She’s attentive and a giant nerd with this laugh that makes me giddy like an idiot. She also clearly has the patience of a saint considering she still stuck around for me to get my shit together. Sofi really likes Lauren too, has a whole new shark obsession because of her,” I laugh a little.
For a few moments my mind wanders to the green eyed girl, lips curling in a fond smile as I think about the way she kissed me last night.
“But I don’t deserve any of it.”
There’s a lump in my throat that I do my best to swallow down with little success.
“I just- I don’t get how I’m allowed to be happy when you’re not here, when you don’t get to be happy too.” The breath I let out is shaky and I really hadn’t planned on crying this visit but I should’ve known better because I’m biting back sobs as tears well in my eyes.
“But no matter how guilty I feel and however sorry I am, it doesn’t bring you back and I hate how disappointing that still is.”
Crying out, the tears slide down my cheeks in similar fashion to a dam breaking.
“I want you here, so badly,” I choke out. “I want you to meet Lauren and be super embarrassing and I want you to see how well Sofi is doing in school and how fast she’s growing up.” There’s hiccups between my words, sobs wracking through me as tears blur my vision.
“I just want you back,” I whisper.
“I need you here so you can tell me what I’m supposed to do when Lauren’s parents don’t think I’m good enough for her. Or when I agree and don’t know how to be good enough for her. Or-or tell me that soulmates get happy endings too because even after my fuck up, everything about being with Lauren just fell into place and that’s what’s terrifying, mami. Because how long is that going to last?.”
Hastily, I wipe away at my tears only to have them be replaced with more.
“She’s willing to move to North Carolina with me while I finish school! Literally wants to pick up her life and bring it a million miles anywhere just to be with me . How do I not fuck up something like that? How do I not ruin someone as good as Lauren?”
I let myself bawl my eyes out, eventually slumping against my mother’s tombstone until my crying subsides.
-
“Dinah I can hear you just fine,” I insisted as I readjust my laptop, the Skype screen lagging and showing my roommate and best friend as nothing more than blonde pixels.
“I am an experience, Walz. It’s just as important, if not more, to be able to see me as clearly as you hear me.”
I’m rolling my eyes until she speaks up again.
“Camila, just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I can’t see you.”
A not at all innocent smile is all I respond with.
“When is the love of your life getting back? I need to do some grilling.”
“Since when do you do any form of cooking?”
“No, stupit I meant I was gonna grill Lauren for you. You know, to assess.”
I scrunch my face. “Assess what?”
“Mostly her goods.”
“Do not,” I warn her. She cackles on the other end, the call briefly cutting in and out.
“I retract my offer, you’re not allowed to meet her.”
“Aw come on Mila, I’m going to see her from the neck up on this thing. Besides, I’m sure she’ll love me. Who doesn’t?”
The video quality doesn’t need to be any better for me to know Dinah is flaunting herself and I roll my eyes another time but with a small grin along with it. I don’t hear the apartment door opening, completely caught off guard when the bedroom door gently swings open with Lauren behind it. I jump a little and she gives me an amused look as she takes in my form, wearing only sleep shorts and her shirt as I shift with the laptop on my stomach.
“Hi baby,” I greet her innocently.
“ Hi baby ,” Dinah mimics me on the call and I give her the middle finger while Lauren moves to hover over me on the bed to drop a quick kiss to my lips.
“Hi,” she breathes out.
“Hey,” I beam up at her.
“You already said hi,” Dinah loudly states from my laptop.
Still facing Lauren, I roll my eyes affectionately before saying “so this is Dinah. You don’t have to listen to anything she says, a lot of it she makes up.”
At this, Lauren leans close to me so that her head is in the frame of the video call, smiling as she waves. “Hi Dinah!”
“You don’t have to pretend to be excited to meet her,” I reassure her with a smirk but she only motions for me to scoot over and make room and she plops herself down next to me. I sit up so we can both adjust, the laptop now actually on my lap and Lauren pressed to my side.
“But I am excited!” she whispers to me and I can’t stop my smile from forming. “I’m also a little nervous but don’t tell her that.”
“Damn Mila, that’s her? You did good,” Dinah comments with Lauren in frame for her to ‘assess’ and I nod emphatically.
“I know, I really lucked out.”
Lauren responds with a thank you to Dinah and a kiss to my cheek.
“Hey hey hey,” my roommate snaps. “Don’t be gay while I’m here. There’s no one for me to be gay with so you two can’t be doin’ all that.”
I snort at her comment. “Guess we’re going to have to hang up. It’s a lot of gay going on.”
“You’re not funny, Walz.”
“Lauren laughed,” I pout.
“She has to. It’s out of obligation, basically. Anyways, can you see me yet?”
“Don’t worry Dinah, we can hear you just fine.”
“What did we just go over?”
Lauren listens to the two of us bicker with a smile on her face, resting her head on my shoulder as Dinah makes an attempt at interrogating her. I’m grateful for the clear avoidance of any questions about Lauren moving in with me, though it does nothing to ease the pit of guilt in my chest.
It comes as no surprise that Lauren gets along incredibly well with Dinah, both of them poking fun at my emotional incompetence and having a jab at my not-at-all lame jokes. I simply cross my arms at the both of them until Lauren is peppering my face with kisses and Dinah is back to complaining how we’re too gay.
Seeing Lauren do so well with Dinah makes me realise how there’s an ease to being with her, to having her in my life. It’s an easiness I’m scared of getting used to. I try not to dwell on how I’ve already gotten attached to that easiness.
I definitely don’t think about how I’m going to leave her in two days.