Chapter Text
Damon has spent the better half of the past few weeks spending a considerable amount of time with Kai Monteago. As strange as it may seem to the people around them they've gotten rather close for two people who prior to this didn't seem to have any positive interactions.
Meeting Kai at the tree has become a part of his routine, an unspoken one at that but a routine a nonetheless. One that the both of them have found themselves easily falling and settling into without even realising.
Every day after classes have been dismissed they'll meet at the base of the oak tree. Damon used to only go a few times a week, not willing to make the journey every day no matter how much he enjoys the quiet presence the area has to offer. But now he finds himself going every single day, that motivation coming to him naturally.
It no longer feels like a chore pushing through all the overgrown shrubbery needed to reach the field. Rather it feels like a small stepping stone to reaching the one place he can unwind after a busy day with the comfort of one of the last people he expected to bond with over something so trivial like books.
Damon is usually there first, ever the prepared one with a book and hand while he waits for Kai. The latter typically shows up ten minutes later, a pathetic excuse on the tip of his tongue as he rushes to sit down next to him, babbling on about his current read.
It was annoying at first, having to put up with his childish rants while he tries to read. More than once he found himself reconsidering his decision to allow the influencer to join him in the evenings, wondering if they really could get along like this.
It should still be annoying, and nothing should have changed as the days passed—but yet they do and he finds his opinion shifting, evolving. Instead the rants become something he learns to accustom to, welcoming it as a part of his routine. In a way it turns into an expectation to hear Kai's rambles and he holds a level of appreciation for them, for the company provided.
It's a strange feeling.
Sometimes they'll spend the entire hour in silence and Damon finds that this silence is never uncomfortable, rather welcomed. They'll be so invested in their own books that it isn't until it starts raining do they realise how late it has begun; the sun already setting behind them, straining their eyes.
In those cases they'll quickly pack up their stuff and run back to the dormitory building as fast as possible, more often than not arriving completely drenched. It always angers Damon, knowing that his clothes are ruined and he'll have to take a warm shower to recover. But Kai seems to not mind it at all, laughing and pointing at him as they dry off, finding enjoyment in his suffering.
Other times they'll just talk for the hour, books abandoned on the ground beneath them. Sometimes it's about whatever series they're reading, complaints and praise alike rolling of their tongues and if not that they'll talk about college.
Kai will complain endlessly about forgotten assignments that were absolutely his fault, pouting when this is pointed out to him. If not that he's whining about his distaste for group projects, preferring to work alone. It's something that Damon understands on personal level and he begins to realise that they have a lot more in common than he once imagined.
Either way it's a nice way to spend his evening. Damon has even read that boys love series that Kai won't stop gushing about whenever he gets the chance. It's good, much to his distaste and he finally admits that the series was rather sweet, even if not his usual taste.
In return Kai has agreed to picking up some classical literature and he sometimes struggles with the complexity of the vocabulary, often sending a multitude of complaints his way. But he's improving with every book he tries—it's sweet in a way, seeing him put the effort in to try something he's passionate about.
Admittedly they don't talk much outside of this short moments in the evening but that's not to say they don't interact. Damon has started another habit of waving to Kai every morning when he comes into class, usually one of the last due to habit of sleeping in. Kai will always send him a rather enthusiastic wave in return, smile so bright for a Monday morning that it has his stomach churning uncomfortably.
Damon has even since relented and followed Kai's social media, not expecting to be followed back almost instantly, the notification surprising him. It was all to message him a book recommendation from the day before, having forgotten to during their meeting. And he's very much aware that he could tell him tomorrow—well he simply couldn't wait.
Now they would message on a regular basis, although it usually consisted of Kai sending him stupid videos early in the morning when he should absolutely be asleep. Damon would ignore most of them, not able to comprehend the humour that he seemed more on par with that of an eight year old rather than an eighteen year old. But on the odd occasion he would send him something cute, animal videos or book recommendations. That he could indulge in.
Damon won't admit it but he finds himself smiling more often than not at his phone whenever he sees a message come through of Kai begging him not to ignore his 'hilarious' videos. Sometimes he'll feel bad and watch one of them just to instantly regret it when he sees one with another 'six-seven' reference. It doesn't even make any sense!
But there's one problem among all of this and it's becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
As every day passes it's becoming more clear to Damon that Kai absolutely has romantic feelings for him and he's struggling to ignore it for as much as he tries to. It seems that Toshiko was right all along and every time he thinks about it he's left with an uncomfortable pit in his stomach as he wonders what he should do.
If he should confront it at all or simply hope that these feelings will pass—which he very much doubts they will if Kai's recent behaviour is anything to go by.
It's clear in the way that Kai will lean up against him as they read, looking as if he's close to sleep each time his head droops; and he's only staying awake because Damon's forcing him too, not sure what he'd do if he were to fall asleep again.
Every time their fingers graze it seems less like an accident and more intentional than the last and he's sure he can hear the way Kai's breath catches in his throat whenever they do touch. It leaves him confused, a tingling sensation on the tip of his finger-pad as that brief feeling of skin making contact disappears.
Often their shoulders will bump as they walk back to the dorms and he'll receive light and gentle punches to his side whenever he makes a teasing comment to Kai; provoking him as he does best. It feels purposeful, like he's looking for excuses to touch him at any given chance. And as inexperienced as Damon can be when it comes to romance and anything related, well even he's not so dense that he hasn't realised.
But what's the strangest part about all of this recent behaviour is the fluttering inside of his chest. It's the heat that rushes to his face whenever he hears melodious laughter and the pang of jealousy when he catches Kai hanging out with his other friends.
It confuses him why he cares so much about these little details as much as does and as much as he wishes to ignore these feelings and bury them down—he knows he can't run forever.
One day he'll be forced to confront them head on.
It's an extremely stormy day Damon observes in his final class of the day. It wasn't on the forecast and only really started picking up in the past hour. Starting with heavy rain and soon transforming into one of the worst storms they've seen in a while.
Either way, with such destructive weather Damon is well aware that he won't be able to go to the oak tree today, not unless he's looking to get struck by lightening—which he isn't. It seems that Kai's having similar thoughts as well if the way he's anxiously staring out of the window is anything to go by, a pout resting on his lips.
Damon isn't sure why exactly but he shares that feeling of disappointment with Kai as he thinks about the routine that they've developed over the past few weeks being suddenly broken by poor weather. For whatever reason the thought of not being able to spend time with him dampens his mood, almost reflective of the rather depressing weather outside which was only worsening by the second.
Damon knows that he doesn't need to see Kai to enjoy his time reading. It's something he's more than capable of doing on his own and has done by himself and without any qualms. But now he's grown so accustomed to spending his evenings with an overly enthusiastic influencer that thought of not having him by his side as he reads does strange things to his stomach that he's not exactly ready to explain.
At the end of the lesson just as he's beginning to pack his belongings away, Damon is approached by a sorrowful looking Kai. As he expects, he's hear to discuss the weather as they both take a quick glance out of the window. It really was quite the storm.
"I guess we can't go to the tree today, huh?" Kai asks, crossing his arms over his chest as he stares outside of the window sadly. As if the weathers suddenly going to clear up and sunny skies will appear within an instant just because he wants it to.
Damon nods. "Absolutely not," he agrees and yet he can't help but sigh. It's something he'll never admit out loud but he can't deny that he's come to enjoy these little private moments between the two of them over the past few weeks. It's a shame to not be able to spend time with him once he's grown so fond of it.
Kai groans, cursing under his breath. "I was really excited to read with you today, as well!" he expresses, looking as if he's about to cry and he's not sure if they are crocodile tears or real, authentic ones. "I'm nearly finished with the book I'm reading—oh, it's the one you recommended me the other day, actually!"
It's this that has Damon's heart fluttering. It shouldn't because there was nothing special about someone taking up one of his book recommendations. In fact, he and Eva did so all the time, sharing a similar taste in literature. Not once has he found his face warming whenever she mentions reading one of the books he recommended, usually just feeling glad that she actually listened to him for once.
Is this…?
Damon coughs into his hand. "Can't you read it on your own? I don't need to be with you, surely," he asks, feigning calmness and desperately hoping that the warmth on his cheeks isn't noticeable. After all, he doesn't want to give Kai any ideas or anything.
Kai frowns, shooting him a disapproving glare as he shakes his head. "I know I can but I want to read it and finish it with you!" he exclaims, a shy smile coming across his face. "I-It's more fun reading with you, or whatever." he mutters quietly, that quick burst of confidence quickly lost on him as he stares at the floor.
Oh. Oh gosh—if that doesn't do things to his heart. Why on earth would he say that?!
Damon splutters at his words and his blush only deepens, a hand coming to cover his mouth as his eyes widen in surprise. If asked later on would say that his next words were said at a moment of weakness; he wasn't in the right mindset when he decided to speak. Nothing else at all. Absolutely nothing.
"Do you want to spend the evening in my dorm then?" he croaks, tightening his grip on his bag as he takes another quick glance at the weather outside. It's not as if he's forgotten, he just can't bare to look at the other man right now. "I imagine it'll be a lot warmer there than outside."
Damon doesn't know why he asks, really. It should be easy to dismiss Kai's cries and tell him to just read the book on his own or that they can pick up another day, after all they meet almost every day now. But for whatever reason he doesn't.
It's Kai's turn to be flustered now as his own eyes widen, heat rising to his cheeks as he gives him an incredulous stare. "W-what are you trying to suggest right now, Damon?" he chokes out, hand reaching to tug nervously at his hair. "Inviting me to your room like this…it almost sounds like a date!"
What.
"I don't know what you're suggesting, Kai," Damon replies almost defensively through gritted teeth. "I'm inviting you over as a friend, nothing more—this is not a date." he clarifies, crossing his arms over his chest. But he can't hide the way the his cheeks burn, heart pounding as he watches the influencers face screw into one of disappointment.
Kai nods quietly. "Right, I knew that!" he chuckles nervously, showing him a strained smile that leaves his chest aching. It was more than obvious that he upset by this prospect and it made it ever clearer to him that Kai did in fact have a crush on him.
If Kai was going to continue to ask these sort of questions what on earth was he supposed to do? Especially when he was such a sensitive soul, sure to start tearing up at the continuous rejection, playing it of as a joke but clearly meaning is words. Actually wondering whether what they were doing together constitutes as a date.
It doesn't. That's what Damon thinks—for the most part at least. It's something he's actively trying to ignore but there's an annoying voice in the back of his head, like a parrot on his shoulder trying to tell him that this really is a date, the voice loud and grating in his ear.
And he's not sure how long he can go on ignoring it.
"I guess I'll see you soon then?" Damon asks, deciding to quickly change the topic before it gets any more awkward than it already is, feeling the tension in the air beginning to simmer. It's almost suffocating. "I'll drop you a message when I'm ready."
"Yeah, that sounds cool with me!" Kai agrees enthusiastically, throwing him a peace sign. To anyone else it may look like he's already moved on from the previous embarrassment, but Damon knows otherwise. He can see it in the way his hand shakes and his lip trembles, smile not quite reaching his eyes.
Not that he's paying attention or anything.
Damon nods. "Nice,"
…
"I-I'll get going then!" Kai exclaims perhaps too loudly as he takes a step back, nearly tripping into a chair. It's clear he's still yet to recover from the quick and sudden rejection. In a way he looks like a helpless puppy as he moves around, awkwardly stumbling around before eventually reaching the door—he almost feels bad for the guy.
Damon watches as Kai leaves the room, giving him a small wave as he leaves; only allowing himself to breath when he's sure that he's gone. Never again did he want to have a conversation as awkward as that, heat only now escaping his cheeks.
Unfortunately for Damon it seems that his suffering is yet to be over, because when is he ever free from the torment of others? For when he finally thinks he's free, reaching for his umbrella in his bag (and subconsciously hopes that Kai has bought his own.) he feels a light tap on his shoulder and knows it can only be one person.
Toshiko.
"Good afternoon, Mochi!" she greets enthusiastically, staring up at him with wide eyes as if some sort of child looking for sweets; which in a way she is, only she's not looking for sweets but rather information on his love life.
"It's such horrible weather today, isn't it!" she complains dramatically, shaking her head thoughtfully as she stares out of the window.
Damon sighs, raising his eyebrows. "I'm not telling you anything about my relationship with Kai if that's what you're hoping for, Toshiko," he informs her, stifling laughter at the way she visibly deflates.
Toshiko whines, a pout coming over her but she quickly fixes it, giving him a small, innocent smile. "Oh, please tell me, Mochi!" she asks sweetly, gently fluttering her fan at him. "I can aid you with any qualms you're having, you are aware of that, right?" she asks, eyes sparkling hopefully.
So persistent.
Damon rolls his eyes. "If I tell you will you leave me alone?" he responds dryly, just hoping for her to get out of his business. Surely there were more interesting things in her life than his lackluster love life.
Toshiko nearly squeals, nodding enthusiastically. "Of course!"
Damon tries to bite back a smile at her excitement. It's silly, really, to be excited over your classmates love life; practically bouncing on her feet at the prospect of being able to hear what he can only assume is some new gossip. Quite frankly he can't understand it, never really being interested in that sort of stuff when he was a child—it was other people's lives after all.
But every now and then he doesn't mind indulging Toshiko's strange demands, deciding that she should be able to experience the childlike joys sometimes. It's hard to ignore that for such a young girl she acts like an adult sometimes and although he'll never question why this is, he sees the ways in which she tries to suppress those childlike attributes as if they're something to be ashamed of.
It's only natural that he has a bit of a soft spot for her. (But she'll never know that, of course.)
"I invited Kai to come to my dorm later on so that we can read together. It's nothing interesting, really." he explains, pointedly deciding to not include the part where Kai assumed that it was a date.
Not that he'd need to do that, anyway.
Toshiko's eyes widen and a small gasp escapes her lips. "Oh my goodness, Mochi! Did you invite him on a date of some sort?" she asks excitedly, voice just above a whisper as she leans in closer—as if there is something sacred about the word.
Damon stammers, flinching backwards. "No!" he denies loudly, feeling the heat rushing back to his cheeks within an instant. "Seriously, why does everyone seem to think that hanging out with a friend at your dorm is a date?! he hisses, missing out the part that Toshiko is really only the second. And that Toshiko wasn't supposed to know that Kai had a similar assumption to her.
Shit.
"Oh my! Did Kai also assume that this was a date?" she asks curiously, eyes widening in surprise as she giggles to herself proudly. Clearly she's having the time of her life which he supposes he can't be all that upset about when he willingly told her this information—he was still annoyed, however.
Damon scoffs. "Shut up, Toshiko! It's not a date!" he snarls, wishing now more than ever to escape the situation. "I'm just hanging out with a friend so please be normal for once." he asks, feeling like he's losing years of his life just hearing her blabber on about his supposed crush on Kai that he doesn't have.
Toshiko hums thoughtfully. "But you are excited to spend time with him, are you not?"
"Of course I'm looking forward to spending time with my friend," he answers, crossing his arms over his chest and he quietly wonders why he's actually spending his Friday afternoon arguing with a fourteen year old girl. "It's normal to look forward to those sort of things." he defends and he figures he might as well be having a debate with Toshiko at this point.
It's then that Eva who up until this point was scrolling mindlessly on her phone at a nearby desk decides to chime in; a frown present on her face. Why she thinks she can add her input into this conversation that is quite frankly none of her business, Damon doesn't know—and he wishes that she wouldn't.
"I don't know, Damon, you never get this excited when I ask you to hang out," she observes, looking up from her phone, a smirk resting on her lips. "Are you sure that you don't have a crush on Kai?" she asks, and he realises she's just looking to tease him. It was one of her favourite past times, apparently.
Toshiko nods enthusiastically. "I totally agree! I have never seen you look so excited to spend time with another classmate before. It is only Kai that you hold such enthusiasm for, Mochi!" she continues, giving him a stern look.
Damon scoffs, feeling his irritation only growing by the second. "I don't know what either are you are talking about, nothing is going on between me and Kai," he snaps, clenching his fists. It's something he says with such conviction yet there's a tinge of doubt in his eyes—because deep down he knows it's not true.
"At least I don't think there is," he mumbles quietly.
Toshiko sighs, rubbing at her temple and somehow it makes it look like she's the mature one in the conversation as she gives him a serious look, eyebrows furrowing.
"If that is the case, you best either accept your rather obvious feelings for the influencer or at least be extremely careful with how you talk to him," she scolds, pointing her fan at him; and for a second he thinks she's about to hit him—again.
"Huh?"
Eva rolls her eyes, grumbling something incoherent under her breath. "I didn't think you were this dense, Damon," she sighs, pointing her own finger at him and he almost feels like he's the convicted in a court case, evidence piling upon him. It's a good thing Wolfgang isn't here.
"What do you mean, Eva?" Damon snarls, getting rather fed up with how he's being spoken to.
"Toshiko is saying you better be careful with how you handle your friendship with Kai because the last thing you want to do is break his heart," she explains through gritted teeth, another exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "You of all people should know how much that would hurt him, right?"
Damon frowns. "I'm not planning on breaking his heart so there's nothing to worry about," he answers stiffly, feeling a headache coming on from all the lecturing he's undergoing against his will. "I don't have feelings for him so I'll just handle things carefully, I guess."
It's something he means, or at least swears he does. But as the words leave his mouth and he stares into the eyes of his unconvinced friends—he can't ignore that empty feeling within his heart.
"Anyway, I'm leaving now," he decides, not wanting to deal with any more lectures about his relationship with Kai from a literal fourteen year old and a friend that is just looking for an excuse to tease him.
Toshiko nods. "I implore you yet again to be careful, Mochi!" she calls out as he heads for the door, shaking her head sadly.
"Good luck with your boyfriend, Damon," Eva calls out dryly and he's sure that if he were to turn around there would be a smirk resting on her face, as there usually is when she makes fun of him.
"Shut up, the both of you!" he calls out as he exits the room, silently wondering whether he should take a painkiller of some sorts before Kai comes; the absurdities he's heard today warrants it if they headache he has is anything to go by.
It makes no sense to him that people kept suggesting that he has romantic feelings for his friend. Just because Kai has feelings for him does not mean that he returns those. At least that's what he keeps telling himself as he walks back to his room, the thought of whether he should tidy his room in preparation in the back of his mind.
I'm not in love with Kai.
But it's becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the fluttering feeling in his chest whenever he sees Kai. Having the subconscious thought that it's beautiful enough to light up a room—it's enough to make him smile, at least. It's not normal to think like that.
Anger bubbles up in his chest as he thinks back to Eva's words, thinking back on her comment that he never gets this excited to spend time with her. It makes him angry because he knows that she's right.Always looking forward to hanging around his close friend but never feeling his chest ache, counting down the hours until they see each other again.
But that doesn't mean I have feelings for him, right?
Damon tries to shove these thoughts down but they follow him as he heads to his dorm, feeling somewhat nervous about inviting someone else into his room—his private space. But he knows he shouldn't be worried about something like this when he's already let Kai in so much more than he should.
By now he's already accepted him into his space more than he would anyone else. They've discussed his favourite book in lengthy detail and shared aspects about his life that he wouldn't normally divulge with anyone else, and the secrets come spilling out of his lips with little to no regret.
As if he were some sort of lover, the only one to be entrusted with his darkest secrets.
Damon clenches his fists as he steps outside, so deep in his own thoughts that he forgets to put his umbrella up and it doesn't take long for him to get considerably wet. A groan escapes his lips as he fights with the stupid thing to stay up, picking up as his pace as he walks in the direction of his dorm. Quietly hoping that Kai doesn't think he looks strange with slightly damp hair.
It's something he shouldn't care about, usually doesn't care about. But he can't help it as he quickly pats away at his hair, head full of thoughts of how he can quickly fix his hair and what clothes he should change into as he nears the dormitory building.
He just needs to survive tonight.
Damon manages to make himself look at least half presentable when he gets back to his room, using a towel to dry his hair and giving it a quick comb through in hopes that he doesn't look too gross. It's not that it really matters because it's easy to assume that his damp hair is a consequence other weather but he makes a point of looking neat anyway—especially when a guest was coming over.
He also manages to change into some comfortable clothes, ridding himself of his equally soaked day attire and gets halfway tidying his bed before he hears a knock on the door.
It's a good thing because if he's being completely honest he doesn't really know what 'tidying his bed' actually entails rather than patting down the covers and fluffing up the pillows as if they'll be hanging out on his bed. Which they won't be doing by the way.
It's strange the way his heart skips a beat when he hears the door knock, one that he can only assume is coming from Kai since people don't typically come by his room. An unusual wave of anxiety comes over him as he crosses the room to the door, hand briefly freezing in place before he grabs at the handle, taking a deep breath as if steadying himself for something to happen.
Damon knows it shouldn't make him nervous yet for whatever reason it does. He's spoken to Kai so much now that it's a part of his daily routine; conversation comes naturally to him when he's around the influencer and he can feel comfortable even when sat in complete silence. So why now does he feel a pit in his stomach as his hand reaches for the door handle?
"Inviting me to your room like this…it almost sounds like a date!"
No. Damon shakes his head as he finally moves to open the door—this is not a date. If he were going to invite someone on a date he's sure it wouldn't be as pathetic as inviting them to his room to read for a couple of hours. But it wasn't a date anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Damon is greeted by the face of an extremely excited looking Kai, grinning ear to ear, expression resembling that of an excited puppy. It's almost endearing as he returns his smile with a smaller, conservative one.
"I'm glad you could make it," Damon says, taking a step back to allow his friend in, eyes landing on a book that he was holding, a protective grip on it. "Which book is that again?" he asks, not being able to see the full thing but feeling as if he recognises it.
Kai's eyes light up at the question as he steps into his room, taking in his decorations and such before turning to show him the cover. "Oh, it's Frankenstein. It's one of your recommendations, remember?" he says, making a point to shove the book in his face.
Damon grumbles, pushing the book out of his face as he moves to shut his door. "Are you enjoying it so far?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks at the book. Based on where the bookmark is placed he looks to be close to finishing, just like he said earlier on.
Kai nods, taking another step forward to inspect a pile of books on his bedside table. "Yeah! It's like, super wordy or whatever, but I think I understand it," he explains, examining one of the covers with a curious expression. "Oh wow, Damon. You have some fancy looking books here!" he says excitedly, reaching to grab one.
Damon snarls, snatching the book out of his hand and placing it back down on his bedside which elicits a yelp from Kai. A lot of them were collectors editions of some of his favourite books that he was yet to put on proper display yet, the packages only coming in yesterday.
After thorough inspection to make sure they were official and not damaged he placed them on his bedside to go through tomorrow. Clearly he's just forgotten to do that in light of recent events.
"Don't touch that!" he snaps, a loud sigh escaping his lips. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to invite Kai over if he was just going to snoop around his room, poking and prodding at things without a care in the world but it's too late to change his mind now.
"Anyway, if you need help with the book just ask me, I'll try and help you." he continues before pointing at his couch. "Sit there."
Kai gasps dramatically at his sudden order but he walks over to the couch anyway, dropping down and curling up in the corner, shivering slightly. "Don't talk to me like I'm some sorta dog, dude!" he complains but the pout resting on his lips really isn't doing him any favours. "I don't know why I even hang out with you sometimes…" he mumbles, shaking his head disapprovingly.
Damon hums, raising an eyebrow. "It's not my fault if you wanna act like one," he teases, unable to stifle his laughter when he sees Kai's offended expression, a hand coming to clutch at his chest.
"So rude!" Kai whines, clicking his tongue in annoyance before deciding to change the topic at hand, which is a good thing because he's already having second thoughts about the comments he made. Why the hell would he say something like that?!
"Anyway, don't you think it's pretty cold in here? I know the storm outside is pretty bad but this is kinda crazy." Kai observers, leaning forward to glance out of the window.
It's completely dark outside now, the only light illuminating the streets coming from the streetlamps. But even then Damon can tell that the storm wagering on outside is a terrible one.
All he can hear is the sound of rain slamming against his windows, the thwacking of branches against his window so terrible that he's almost worried it'll be uprooted by the strong wind; howling outside as dark clouds roll by.
Damon hums in agreement, frowning at the weather. "I could grab you a blanket if you'd like?" he asks but he doesn't wait for an answer before he's moving to the other side of his room, opening his drawers and reaching for a spare blanket his mother gifted him when he first moved in.
"Ah—thank you!" Kai calls out as he gets himself into a comfortable position, a yawn escaping his lips as he once again surveys his room. "You're room is real cosy lookin', Damon!" he compliments, tapping on the front cover of his book
Damon grabs his own book from his bed on his way to the couch before handing the blanket to Kai, watching as he wraps himself up in it; and a pleased sigh escapes his lips as he's enveloped in warmth, eyes fluttering shut for just a brief moment.
"I suppose it is," Damon answers as he sits down, and like when they first hung out together he makes sure there's enough distance between them. It's strangely intimate spending time with someone like this and he's not about to cross any boundaries, not wanting to get too close for the fear of consequence. "Is your room not like that?"
Kai hums thoughtfully, his nose scrunching up in consideration and it's almost cute. Almost.
"I mean, I guess I tried to replicate that cosy vibe you have going on, but it can get pretty overwhelming sometimes with the bright colours," he answers, a frown on his face as he observes his room once again. "Maybe I should let you decorate my room in the future instead!" he jokes, giving him a playful jab.
Damon chuckles, shaking his head. "My parents helped out for the most part when I moved in, I made small changes here and there but it's mostly on them," he answers, smiling fondly at the memory of when he first moved in. He remembers his mother crying, his father trying to console her all while fighting tears of his own.
Damon couldn't be more grateful to have parents like them.
Kai nods in understanding and for a moment Damon thinks he looks almost melancholic, but it's quickly replaced by an expression of warm understanding. "I guess that makes sense, then!" he smiles before reaching to open his book, and Damon can't help but notice that he makes no further comment on the matter; as if the mention of his parents alone was an uncomfortable topic.
Maybe he doesn't get along well with his parents?
Damon sighs and reaches for his own book, glancing over at Kai who's simply staring blankly at his page, looking to be deep in thought. It makes him frown and he subconsciously finds himself leaning over, wondering what's wrong—if anything at all.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, and he watches as Kai jumps, flinching backwards in surprise at his sudden words; so deep in thought that he hasn't even noticed his close presence, a hand on his chest as he glares at him.
"Damon! You scared the crap outta' me, dude!" Kai scolds, and that pout has returned to his face as he shakes his head, tutting quietly to himself before answering his question. "I was just, like, deep in thought, is all." he reassures, giving him a small smile.
Damon doesn't believe a word he says but decides not to push. "Alright," and it's then he realises just how close he's sat next to Kai, accidently breaking his one rule of not getting to close for fear of consequence. And yet this was exactly the consequence he was talking about, making Kai uncomfortable.
Damon is about to return to his book, hoping to forget about his slip up as quick as possible when he's interrupted by Kai. It seems he's recognised the uncomfortable situation, making an attempt at breaking the awkward silence.
"There's almost something atmospheric about reading like this, don't you think?" he asks, a small smile on his face as he turns to look at him, eyes traveling to the window where the storm was still raging on outside. "It's like, aesthetic or whatever." he says, laughing nervously.
Damon frowns, not understanding him whatsoever. "Really?"
Kai stammers, giving him a pleading look. "Yeah, man!" he half shouts, chewing at his lip nervously. "It's like, being curled up inside the warmth while it storms outside, reading and all…" he trails on, groaning quietly to himself. "I dunno—it feels relaxing, I guess."
A noise of understanding escapes his lips. "Are you trying to say it helps set the atmosphere when the weather is like this?" he asks curiously, and he can relate to the feeling himself if he thinks about it. "I guess I always enjoyed reading more as a kid when it was raining outside. It made the experience more enjoyable." he says softly, smiling fondly.
Kai nods in agreement before giggling to himself quietly. "So you've always been a bit of a nerd, huh?" he teases, palm coming to rest in his cheek as he stares at him with innocent eyes. "I should have figured you've always been reading like this, even as a child!" he laughs, the noise leaving a pang in his chest as the tips of his ears burn from embarrassment.
"Shut up and just read your book!" he scowls, making a point to turn away from Kai as he opens up his book, huffing to himself as he tries to find where exactly he left of last time.
Kai bursts into laughter, pulling his blanket around him tightly as a hand comes to clutch at his stomach. "Okay, okay!" he promises, and the giggles eventually die down as he hears the turning of pages.
Damon tries to focus in on his book the same way Kai does but he finds that no matter how hard he tries he can't, wracked with thoughts of how intimate of a situation this is. It's strange spending time with someone outside of academic purpose, unlikely to invite people over to his room besides Eva and even then that wasn't very often.
Perhaps it was less personal at the tree because it was in a public space but there's something about being in his room. Being all alone and without interruption bar the weather outside that makes his heart pound, thumping loudly and making it impossible to focus.
It shouldn't and he tries to rationalise with himself once again that this is just something that friends do. Yet with the additive knowledge that Kai has feelings for him, well, it's only natural it doesn't feel that way.
But it's not just Kai and Damon knows this, wishes he didn't but it's so painstakingly obvious as he reads over the same sentence in his book for what must be the sixth time already. It's that level of excitement, the anticipation he gets at the thought of spending time with Kai; chest feeling disgustingly warm in a way he tries to ignore.
Damon partakes in the hobby of reading all the time, and it's a hobby he's always done by himself, much preferring his own company than that of anyone else. But somehow Kai has managed to become that exception, wormed his way into his life and become the only person he feels comfortable sharing such intimate moments with—his alone time.
But why?
Damon tries and this time he almost manages to push down those thoughts, settling into his book and reading in comfortable silence for nearly half an hour, successfully getting through another chapter.
It's easy to read with Kai by his side, settling into that familiar routine they developed a few weeks ago and it's during these times he feels the most productive with his reading. As if his presence helps him focus, the sound of pages turning besides him, quiet little gasps and soft hums his own form of white noise.
But it doesn't take long for him to get distracted yet again, unable to fully settle in as he sneaks glances over at Kai who seems so focused on his reading that he doesn't realise he's being watched.
His lips are slightly parted and his eyes narrowed, nose scrunching up as he tries to understand what he can only assume is a difficult passage in his book. It looks like he's nearly finished and he can't help but feel almost excited at the prospect of discussing the books contents with him.
Damon can't deny that he enjoys spending time with Kai and he also can't deny that he hopes to continue spending time with him in the future. A part of him wonders that as winter approaches and the weather continues to worsen, storms like tonight becoming a frequent occurrence; whether the two of them will spend time in each other's room more often to read together.
It's a possibility he doesn't mind that much at all, instead wondering if these shared moments will allow them to grow closer, their bond only strengthening. Spending his evenings with Kai like this, reading and discussing books he never would have otherwise read; it's something that friends do together—and yet for some reason it just doesn't feel like that.
But it doesn't feel like it's just something between two close friends because Damon finds himself actively seeking Kai out in a way that could not possibly be normal. Only wanting to read when he's there, finding himself unable to focus without him. It isn't normal.
It's then that he wonders whether he could invite Kai with him to the bookstore over the weekend, another hangout of sorts. After all, he found himself to be running out of books to read in the first place and he was meaning to drop by soon anyway. But he doesn't need Kai to come with him and he's well aware of that. This is another task he could very easily do by himself.
So why does he want Kai around him so much, even when it's to essentially drag him along to run an errand with him? Damon has never once cared about the opinion of anyone else when it comes to his book purchasing, let alone someone like Kai.
It's another pathetic excuse to see him, Damon realises; an excuse to spend time with him as if he doesn't do that enough, seeing him every day at the base of the oak tree and in class, even if they hardly interact. Quietly he wonders whether Toshiko was right all along, whether her comment on how he better address his feelings sooner than later were right—
"Damon!"
Damon is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of Kai yelling his name and when he turns to face him he sees a concerned look on his face, book laying limp in his hand.
"Dude, you were zoning out there, are you okay?" Kai questions, a frown on his face as he leans in closer to inspect him. It's an act that only has him flinching back, startled as the tips of his ears burn from how close they are.
Damon stammers, coughing into his hand in an attempt to regain his composure. But it doesn't work if the way his cheeks are flushed are anything to go by. "I'm fine. I was just lost in thought, is all." he says, making up an unbelievable excuse on the spot. "Did you need something?" he asks, hoping to change the topic as quick as possible.
If Kai notices his flustered appearance he decides not to comment on it, a face of realisation coming over him as his eyes sparkle; and you'd think they were going to an amusement park with the way he excitedly waves his book around, a proud look on his face.
"Ah! I finished my book!" Kai announces loudly and he's boasting, talking with a certain amount of passion in his eyes that he's never seen before, practically bouncing as he speaks.
Kai's smiling, one of those real, genuine ones. Not those fake, plastered ones he sees on social media—it's a beautiful smile, Damon realises. It's one that very few people get to see and a part of him feels pride knowing that he's one of those privileged people, and he wonders if there are other sides of Kai he's yet to see; other expressions of excitement and joy and—and—
Oh.
Oh dear God.
Damon thinks—no, he knows he's in love. It's something he's known deep down for a while now but has pointedly chosen to ignore time and time again, making countless excuses for he wasn't ready, not prepared to accept his feelings. There was this fear that came with addressing his feelings and he didn't want to confront that, the whole concept being completely foreign to him.
But he knows that he can't push them down anymore, that Toshiko was right in saying that if he doesn't hurry up and accept how he feels he'll break Kai's heart. It's something he doesn't want, not when he knows that his feelings for him are real; albeit he's still confused in many ways, unsure where to go from here.
Accepting how he feels is just the first step.
"—gosh, Damon!"
It's then that Damon realises he's gotten lost in thought about Kai for the second time today as he realises he's not been paying any attention to what the influencer has been saying for the past few minutes.
Kai is frowning, yet there's a tinge of pink on his cheeks and a hand comes to clutch nervously at his chest. "Seriously, Damon, is everything okay?" he asks, chewing on his lower lip. "You kept, uhm, staring at me—" he says shyly, cheeks only burning a brighter red as he speaks.
Damon only mirrors his flustered expression, internally cursing himself for being such a love-struck idiot. "I swear I'm fine," he answers weakly, a shaky breath escaping his lips because he knows that this excuse is more pathetic than the last. "Your book—" he says, deciding to change the conversation back to it's original discussion. "Did you like it?"
Kai nods slowly, giving him a small smile. "Yeah, it was actually really good. I should take recommendations from you more often, actually!" he says happily, putting the book down next to him to move and play with the hem of his shirt, still looking visibly anxious.
Damon hums and his chest feels warm at hearing those words, and he doesn't even realise the soft smile coming over his face as he tucks some of his hair behind his ear. Kai wants more book recommendations from me?
"If that's the case then do you want to come by the bookstore with me on Sunday?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.
If he's come to the realisation that he's in love there's no point in holding back on these things anymore. If he wants to find excuses to spend with Kai as pathetic as they may seem, he might as well do it. "I've been meaning to drop by there recently, anyway."
Kai's eyes widen and that flushed expression seems to be going nowhere, reaching the tips of his ears as he swallows; and he looks to be in some sort of trance as he nods dumbly, giving him a silly looking smile. "Y-yeah, I think that would be like, totally cool!" he laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.
Damon returns that giddy smile and curses himself for looking like a middle-schooler in love as he mentally starts making arrangements for them to meet in his head. "Good. I'll send you the details tomorrow if that's okay with you?" he asks, reaching for his phone to put the meet up in his digital calender.
Kai answers immediately, hands clenching into fists. "Okay! I'll be, uh, waiting!" he says nervously, sounding almost too enthusiastic for a simple meetup at the bookstore. But he can't exactly blame him.
Damon nods. "It's a plan then,"
Damon needs help, urgently.
Since realising, or rather, accepting that he's in love with his friend, Damon's notices that he's wholly unprepared for what he needs to do next. It won't come as a surprise to anyone that he's never been in love before, and after weeks of denial he's desperate to make at least some progression in regards to his feelings.
Seeming as Kai took the initiative in being the one to speak to him first, he figures he owes the man some effort of his own—he just doesn't know how.
So Damon does the only thing he can think of when in a situation like this—seek out Toshiko Kayura because she seems to be the one person who understands his feelings more than himself, apparently. Her observation skills must be fantastic and honestly somewhat scary because he still can't seem to wrap his head around about how she picked up on either his or Kai's crush.
So Damon, as embarrassing as it is to admit, has spent the better half of his Saturday afternoon seeking out the young girl. He can't message her because he doesn't have her phone number and he's not about to follow her social media account just to ask such a pathetic question.
It's not until after leaving the library after studying for an upcoming debate does he find her hanging outside the dormitory building, looking to be observing some of the gardens flowers, fanning herself gently.
Damon approaches her which immediately catches her attention, a surprised look on her face, clearly not expecting his arrival.
"Oh, Mochi! I am quite surprised to see you here, let alone coming to talk to me!" she says, looking over at him curiously.
Damon nods. "Good afternoon, Toshiko,"
Toshiko takes one glance over him before chuckling to herself. "Although, I can only assume that if you are talking to me first then you must be looking for my advice about a certain someone." she observes, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Am I correct in assuming that?"
Damon sighs. It's rather humiliating how she easily guesses his reasoning for being here because under any other circumstances he would never approach her first. Not to mention their few conversations over the past week have nearly all been about Kai and how his relationship with him has been progressing.
Apparently their relationship was Toshiko's new fixation since she had the opportunity to match-make Wolfgang and Grace together at the start of the academic year.
"Unfortunately you would be right," Damon responds, crossing his arms over his chest and giving her a serious stare. "Let it be clear that this conversation stays between us, Toshiko. I don't care how excited you are, do not blabber on about it to anyone else." he orders sternly, raising an eyebrow at her as he gives him nervous laughter.
"Aha, of course, Mochi!" she answers shakily, fanning herself before strolling further into the courtyard area, muttering something incomprehensible under her breath.
Damon shakes his head and follows after her, deciding to take a deep breath before he confesses that he's finally realised he's developed a crush on his friend to a literal fourteen year old girl.
It was a new low for him, really.
"I realised something yesterday," he begins, trying to buy himself enough time to prepare for what he's about to say.
Toshiko nods dutifully and he see that she's practically bouncing on her feet, impatiently waiting for the words she's been waiting to hear for weeks leave his mouth. "May I implore as to what that realisation was, Mochi?" she asks sweetly, speaking ever so kindly to him in hopes that he doesn't suddenly change his mind.
Damon rubs at his temple, sighing loudly. "You were right…" he mumbles, the words were on the tip of his tongue but he was struggling to get them out. It was a lot more difficult admitting his feelings out loud, he realises—especially to someone else.
"I do have feelings for Kai."
Toshiko lets out a sigh of relief and practically squeals, stopping in her tracks to offer what he can only imagine is the biggest smile she can muster hidden by her hand fan.
"It's not that serious—"
"Oh my goodness, Mochi! I have been waiting for this day for so long!" Toshiko says cheerfully and her eyes are sparkling, pure and genuine excitement on her face as she shakes him and her behaviour is oddly reminiscent of that of a younger sibling.
Damon scoffs, shaking her off which elicits a small yelp from her as she attempts to regain her footing. "You act like you've had to wait years for this realisation, Toshiko," he groans, sending her a judgemental glare.
Toshiko huffs, rolling her eyes at him. "I do believe that seasons have passed in the time I have waited for you to come to the rather obvious conclusion that you are in love with Kai Monteago!" she exclaims, tutting to herself quietly.
"Oh, now you're just being dramatic!" Damon shouts, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's not been that long…" he mutters quietly, rather offended that she would even suggest such a thing.
It hasn't actually been that long, right?
"I am curious though as to how you came to this sudden realisation," Toshiko says innocently, fluttering her eyelashes at him as if that's going to make up for her rather insulting comment from moments ago. "After all, just yesterday you were vehemently denying your romantic feelings and now you're openly admitting them to me!"
It was a fair question, Damon supposes. "It was when Kai came over to visit me yesterday," he admits, a frown on his face as he decides how much information he wants to give up to her, knowing that anything will surely be used against him for the next few months.
Toshiko hums thoughtfully. "Ah, so spending time with him in such close quarters was enough to help you come to terms with your true feelings," she says quietly, nodding to herself.
Damon nods, eyebrows furrowing. "I won't be going into detail but something made me have a realisation and although I guess it's nice to finally be at terms with those feelings, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now," he admits, feeling a pang in his chest.
"I see, so this is why you're seeking my advice?" Toshiko asks, a compassionate look in her eyes as she takes in his rather pathetic one, reduced to a complete and utter mess over a crush. "Ah, young love…" she says dreamily, shaking her head.
Ironic coming from the literal fourteen year old.
"I just don't know how I'm supposed to go about my feelings now," he mutters, and a part of him wishes he never accepted his feelings—staying blissfully ignorant might have been the favourable option here.
Toshiko giggles and he can tell that she's enjoying his suffering much to his dismay. "I think you should endeavor to take him out on a romantic date of sorts before considering confessing your feelings to him," she suggests, an excited noise escaping her lips.
Damon considers her suggestion and he feels his heart pounding at the mention of a date alone, unsure whether he could even achieve something like that with another person, let alone Kai. "I did ask if he wanted to go to the book store with me tomorrow which he agreed to,"
Internally he wonders if Kai considered his invitation to be a date, and if actually he, too, subconsciously considered it to be a date of sorts. It was an excuse to see him after all, and a bookshop date was a common thing as far as he was aware.
Although if that were the case and Kai did view his proposal as a date then he didn't verbalise it. Which doesn't surprise him given his prior denial to their hangout constituting as such, something that most likely put him off ever suggesting such a thing again. It made him feel slightly bad if he was being completely honest, and that's why he was so set on rectifying his mistakes and not missing out on his opportunity to take their relationship further.
Toshiko gasps and nods her head enthusiastically. "Ah, you should definitely make that a date then, Mochi!" she says happily, eyes twinkling. "I think dates that include both of your interests to be rather romantic, and it will allow you to make a step towards courting him in the near future!"
Damon frowns, a groan leaving his lips. "I can't just turn it into a date out of nowhere," he replies, doubt lacing his voice as he looks into the fountain in the courtyard, staring at his own pitiful. "Jeez, why the hell do these sort of things have to be so hard?!" he complains to nobody in particular, rubbing at his temple.
Toshiko snickers. "Well, I suggest you hurry up soon, Mochi!" she teases, turning around on her heel, only glancing back at him to stare into his eyes mockingly. "After all, I do believe I saw someone that looks rather like a certain influencer heading in this direction!" she calls out before turning around yet again and practically skipping away into the dorms.
Huh?
Damon looks up and much to his horror he sees none over than Kai heading in his direction, staring at something on his phone and not yet noticing his presence. Dumbly he looks around wondering if he can escape to somewhere before he's noticed but it doesn't seem like he's going to get that chance because he suddenly hears a voice calling out his name. Damon grimaces.
"Ah, Damon!"
Damon takes a deep breath before nodding at Kai, giving him a strained smile as the man heads over and makes a mental note to scold Toshiko later on for leaving him in such a predicament. How the hell was he supposed to casually ask if the already predetermined hang out with his friend could be turned into a date of sorts?!
"Kai," he answers as calmly as possible as if his heart wasn't racing, tips of his ears burning as he starts walking towards the dormitory building, his friend following in suit. "I'm guessing you just got back from that cafe you told me about the other day?"
Kai nods excitedly, tapping something on his phone before showing a picture of what he assumes was his meal. It looked rather extravagant, an overly sweet drink that only someone like Kai could ever enjoy and an assortment of pastries that did look rather appetising.
"Yeah, I was asked to come and do a review for it on social media and the food was so yummy!" Kai gushes before starting to inform him on what exactly every item he ordered was in immense detail, giving him a detailed food review on his opinion of each product.
"It sounds like you had a good time then," Damon answers, a warm smile on his face as he listens to the other rant.
And he truly believes that Kai is the only person he could listen to talk like this for hours on end. If it were anyone else he's sure he would have asked them to stop talking by now, and that's saying a lot considering how much Kai could talk.
"Oh—you should totally come with me some day!" Kai offers, a faint blush dusting on his cheeks and Damon's suddenly reminded of his opportunity to turn their current hangout as just friends into a date of sorts.
Damon nods. "Actually, there was something I'd like to ask you about tomorrow," he says, and as much as he tries not to he can't help the way his voice shakes, reaching to fix his tie that was perfectly fine to begin with. "If that's okay with you?"
Kai cocks his head to the side but makes a noise of approval anyway. "Yeah, what's up?"
Damon stammers and a strained noise leaves his lips, suddenly realising just how difficult it actually was to ask such a question. A hand comes to drag down his face and he feels just how much his cheeks are burning, but knowing that there's no going back now—he has to do this.
"We're hanging out as friends tomorrow, right?" he asks and internally cringes and how pathetically weak his voice sounds, wishing he had the same confidence in asking someone out on a date that he does in debate competitions.
"Ah, yes?" Kai answers and it's obvious he's confused, only leading Damon to feel more embarrassed with himself, just purposely dragging on the interaction to by himself some time.
"If I said that…" Damon pauses, taking a deep breath. "I wanted this hangout to be a date of sorts what would you say?" he continues, voice barely above a whisper and he refuses to look at Kai but he can hear the gasp that leaves his lips as he freezes in place.
"H-huh?!" Kai's eyes are blown wide open, and he's blushing, the flush traveling to the tip of his ears as a hand comes to cover his mouth, a noise that can only be described as a squeak escaping his lips. "You—"
Damon groans, mirroring Kai's flustered expression as he glances over at him, a hand coming to clutch at his chest, feeling as if his hearts going to burst out at any moment. It's all too much for him too handle and these feelings, so new and foreign to him are bound to be the death of him.
"Ignore what I just said it's stupid—"
"N-no!" Kai shouts, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to face him with shaking hands. "I do want it to be a date with you, I just wasn't expecting you to ask so suddenly, Damon!" he whines, removing his hands and laughing weakly to himself.
Damon makes a surprised noise, sighing loudly and he can't help but miss the feeling of Kai's hands on his shoulders—how pathetic of him. "I didn't know how else to say it, okay?" he mumbles, feeling equally embarrassed as he does relieved. "Also stop laughing at me!"
"I'm sorry, I can't help it, Damon!" Kai says through laughter. "I am really happy you asked, I can promise you that!" he pleads, blinking at him innocently before sending him a sympathetic smile.
Damon sighs but can't help but return the smile. "I just don't know how to ask about these sort of things, okay?" he clarifies, unable to stop the insecurity festering within him, wondering if he should have done better instead of just asking out of the blue. "I'm working on it." he says seriously, puffing out his chest.
Kai nods, the corners of his mouth upturning into a smirk. "Is that so?" he snickers, taking a step forward and resuming their walk back to their dormitory. "I'll be waiting to see how you improve your skills then!" he jokes, glancing back to stick his tongue out at him.
Damon huffs as he follows Kai, falling into step with him. "Don't make fun of me. I'm putting a lot of effort into you." he says sternly but he's still smiling, finding it to come natural whenever he's with the influencer.
"Good!" Kai chirps and he's practically skipping as they walk into the dormitory building, a pleased sigh escaping his lips as he's hit with a wave of warmth, and he doesn't blame him considering just how cold it is tomorrow.
"Don't forget your scarf tomorrow," Damon reminds him, having learned over the past few weeks that Kai has a tendency to either not wear clothes appropriate for the weather or simply forgetting to bring them along because he's in such a rush.
"Ugh, I swear I'll remember!" Kai whines, puffing his cheeks out at him. "You always talk to me like I'm incapable of doing this sort of stuff, it's so rude!" he complains, poking him in the side.
Damon scowls, returning his gesture by poking his cheek. "Yeah, well maybe I wouldn't need to if you took better care of yourself, asshole," he scolds, shaking his head at him affectionately. "I seriously wonder how you've made it this far in life sometimes."
Kai gasps, elbowing him in the side. "I'm choosing to ignore that comment!" he declares, muttering something about how rude he was under his breath. "I think I'll just focus on the part where you basically admitted that you care about my well-being." he says proudly, eyes sparkling mischievously.
Damon makes a choked noise and feels his face burning when it has only just started to calm down after about twenty-minutes of feeling nothing but pure embarrassment. "Shut up!" he sneers, stopping in front of his door. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?" he asks, deciding to cut the conversation early for his own sake.
Kai nods slowly, understanding exactly what he was doing. "Okay, fine!" he replies, taking a step back. "I'll see you tomorrow, Damon!" he says happily, waving him goodbye before trailing down the hallway towards his own room.
Damon finally allows himself to breath when he gets inside his room, shutting the door behind him. The last thing he expected to do toady was officially ask Kai on a date but he can't deny he's thankful for Toshiko's advice, as stubborn as she could be it was the push in the right direction and he definitely needed it. Otherwise he's not sure how would have ever asked him on a date, most likely giving himself excuses time and time again like he's already done with his feelings.
But he's successfully managed to score a date, fulfilling his task of making a move for a change instead of Kai who was always initiating things with the two of them. Now he just had to survive tomorrow, not completely humiliate himself like today and hopefully make another move that gets him on step closer to his goal of progressing their relationship.
It can't be that difficult, right?