Chapter Text
Before I knew it he was putting my hair up and pulling down the neck of my shirt more. Almost like he was ‘assessing the damage.’
He let out a deep sigh before saying anything, “Did you have vampires going back and forth with you or what? Your neck is black and blue Sakura.” Shikamaru lowered the collar of my shirt back into place before pulling us both up to our feet.
“Ahh— Shikamaru what are you doing!” I couldn’t help but shout at suddenly force. “We’re going inside. I need to put something on those ‘bites.’” Shikamaru sighed, while leading me inside the Nara compound with my hand in his.
“Are you sure I should be in here? Dressed like this no less?” He looked me up and down for a moment, “You’re dressed cute, and my dad isn’t home so no one will think anything.” I felt my face flush a little bit, but when he began speaking again I straightened myself out. “Besides until I formally invite you, you needn’t stress about yourself.” Shikamaru added, leading us through some corridors which held the compound on the other side.
‘So he plans on inviting me formally?’ I let myself dream for a moment.
“Where’s your mom, is she also not home?” I couldn’t help but ask. He only mentioned his dad but not his mom, why?
“She’s out in the garden for the morning. She said she wanted to check on the deer and make sure everything was in order.” Shikamaru replied after a moment thinking about it. Then we came to a stop, right in front of a large traditional home.
“I’ll bring you to my room and then I’ll get an antibiotic cream from our medicine cabinet. It should help clear your ‘bites’.” He looked at me slyly, waiting for an answer. I blushed at first processing what he said, that was until I had some questions of my own.
“Can I come? I haven’t been here before, I wanna see your home—if that’s fine?” I blurted out what I was thinking, but once it was out, I knew it was to late too take back.
‘I have no business asking to wander around his home. Especially because both him, and his family live here. Otherwise known as the clan head…’ While lost in my own thought Shikamaru pondered my question.
“Why not.” He shrugged, as uncaring as always.
“Honest..?” I asked a little appalled he didn’t mind.
“Honest, I definitely do owe you for the night you allowed me to sleep over.” He replied.
The memories of that night flooded back to me, and it’s not like anything I did that night was out of pure kindness. I had my own selfish feelings about keeping him over… Everything I’ve been doing has been out of selfishness.
“You absolutely do not, owe me for that night Shikamaru…” I took a deep breath before continuing. “I had my own selfish motives… I always have.”
“Not always.” Shikamaru replied smoothly, leaving it at that, with no room for argument. He took off his shoes and beckoned for me to follow him through the narrow halls.
“Maybe not always but something’s definitely off with me… ever since that night— the night Sasuke left.” I paused for a moment observing Shikamaru’s reaction. At least observing what I could with his back turned toward me.
“Tell me about it, I’ll listen Sakura. No judgement.” He spoke.
“I don’t think I’m lovable. I don’t know when it started exactly, but I know when it began to hurt.”
He was a quiet listener, and I felt myself grow more anxious as the silence passed. So I decided to continue, “Team 7 with all of us, Kakashi-sensei, Naruto and Sasuke left me feeling loved just enough to keep going by the day. Not anymore, not any less. When Sasuke left it changed everything. How everyone looked at me, who hung around me, how capable everyone assumed me to be. All of a sudden I was a girl again, not a kunoichi who trained years for this. Not a woman who matured and went through her own struggles. Just Sakura, teammate of Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. You see, not even Kakashi thought I was particularly worth sticking around teaching.” I felt my voice began to shake, and I took a moment for myself. But when I looked up and saw Shikamaru still listening, I continued.
“I had to find my own teacher, I had to make her teach me. Prove myself worthy of being taught. Just for Ino to become her second apprentice no problem.it was like slap in the face. Everything felt so unfair. I knew it was harder because of my name, my gender, my looks but it didn’t make it any better. Eventually, I realized why no one around me acknowledged me. Because I’m weak, compared to everyone around me, I’ve got nothing going for myself. But when I go to the merchant or civilian districts. I’m someone strong, beautiful, extraordinary and worthy of your time. Unfortunately it just seems like I’m nothing special to other ninjas.” I ended it there before I got into other things.
Suddenly Shikamaru had one of his hands of my collar, pulling it down. And the other hand was applying some ointment on the hickeys from yesterday.
“So… are these from civilian and merchant boys” He gestured, still applying ointment.
I froze, not exactly expecting anyone to ask that question. “Well not exactly… these are from someone else. I don’t really know if I should say anything more.” I felt myself redden and I couldn’t bring myself to meet Shikamaru’s prying eyes.
“Would I know them.” Shikamaru questioned, to which I responded to by looking away even further…
“So I would…” Shikamaru concluded based on how I acted. “I wouldn’t say that..” All I could bring myself to do is nervously laugh, besides he was just getting closer by the second anyways.
“I’m gonna guess it was one of our fellow shinobi then.” He smirked, locking in his answer and looking towards me for confirmation.
“I’m not gonna say it’s one of our fellow shinobi but.. it is a shinobi…” I finally admitted after dancing around the topic. Shikamaru’s smart, he would find out on his own anyway. “Can I guess? Let’s make it a game?” He poked at me, looking for permission.
it was too late to try and say no now so I might as well play this ‘game’. I sighed before obliging, “Go ahead and guess away, but even if you get it there’s no guarantee I’m telling you!” I gave in, and Shikamaru knew he won.
“Let me guess…” He pretended to strain himself thinking about it. “Hmm let’s guess.. genius of the Hyuuga clan.” I froze instantly.
‘I lost, he knew and I just made this an easy win for him.” I tried my best to play it off, but being caught off guard that bad to start with was not a good look.
After a beat of silence I went to swiftly reject his guess, but it was too late. The damage had been done the genius had taken notice.
“No—It’s not Neji..” I coughed, trying to play off my unease.
“Why would you think it’s him.” I continued trying to play it off, but one look at Shikamaru’s smug face would make me give up.
“Okay— it wasn’t just Neji..!” I blurted out in an attempt to save myself. Shikamaru’s eyes widened in surprise, and I felt myself flush all over.
I kept blurting words out throughout his surprise in hopes something would make it less embarrassing. “It was Neji and Lee! That’s why there’s so many hickeys…” I had tears of embarrassment in my eyes. And if not for his kind eyes.
Shikamaru looked away for a moment, seemingly to gather himself but when he looked at me again he spoke, “You really went to the both of these guys before coming to see me.” He said with his head in his hands avoiding eye contact.
Instantly I felt anxious, “Do Lee and Neji have a reputation.. what’s up with your reaction.” I said worryingly.
“No if anything the ninjas from our generation are probably the best you’ll meet… I’m just jealous you didn’t come to me.” Shikamaru said, lifting his head up to meet his eyes with mine. Upon closer inspection his ears were flushed, and so was his face which was hidden behind his hands.
“Are you sure? They did this to me, are you sure they wouldn’t do this to any other kunoichi.” I emphasized it by pulling down the collar of my turtleneck.
He sighed sinking down into his hands. “Sakura they only did that because it was you. You drive us crazy, you drive me crazy so let only me see you like this. Please, I can’t stand the thought of others putting blemish’s on your skin..” Shikamaru removed my hands from my collar and began to tidy it up. He fixed how my shirt laid before laying a gentle kiss on my hand.
“You’re surrounded by love and affection Sakura, anyone who knows you loves you. Whether they can admit it or not—“ He got cut off by the sound of a door slamming shut.
“I’m home Shikamaru! I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” A lady like voice shouted out from down the hall. Shikamaru looked towards me surprised, before motioning his finger over his lips to stay silent. I nodded.
“Alright! I’ll let you know when I’m out again!” Shikamaru shouted back before grabbing my hand and leading me towards the door. While we were walking down the hall I could hear his mother complain about him never staying in one place.
Once we were at the door he helped me get my shoes on before putting on his own. I couldn’t help but feel cared for at the small gesture. The feeling even carried on to when he agreed to go on a walk afterwards.
“Were you telling me the truth earlier or just helping me feel better. I understand if it’s the latter I just wanted—“ Shikamaru cut me off.
“All of it was the truth Sakura. Most of us truly did have a crush on you throughout the academy. Those who actually knew you had a crush that stuck around even after the academy. After all, who wouldn’t like a cute pink haired girl who’s smarter than all of us.”He took hold of the ends of my hair inspecting them. Now my hair was halfway down my back, getting to a hard to manage length, but an eye catching length.
“If I were to cut my hair would that change how I’m seen?” It felt like a silly question once I said it but Shikamaru seemed to understand the underlying meaning.
‘Would I be any less kunoichi with short hair? Any less desirable and strong than how I am now.’
“Maybe to those who don’t know you, the ones who don’t matter may think differently; but the ones who matter are the ones who will stick around no matter what.”
“You’re so much more loved and wanted then anyone I know Sakura. It leaves me jealous knowing that I’m just one fish in your sea of fish.”