Chapter Text
Felix hears the distant sound of footsteps moving through the entryway. “You’re home earlier than you said you would be, all good?” Chan calls, glancing at Felix. “Gym closed early. Something about-” The footsteps stop, as Felix’s stomach drops.
He looks toward the doorway, dreading the conversation he was about to have. Hyunjin stands there, one hand still wrapped around the strap of his gym bag, layered dark hair falling messily around his face. He looks somehow better than he does in class, the un-put-togetherness of his appearance doing absolutely no favours for Felix as his blush darkened.
Hyunjin blinks. Then he looks at Chan, and back at Felix once more. “Blondie?” Felix’s heart nearly stops. “You know each other?” Chan asks. Hyunjin’s eyes remain fixed on Felix. “I think he’s in my illustration class.”
Chan looks between them. “Well, I guess no introductions needed?” he laughs nervously. “Except his name is Felix. Not Blondie.” Felix wants to disappear, wants to sink into the couch and turn invisible. Hyunjin sets his bag down as he squats down to untie his shoes. “What happened?” The question is casual, almost too much so. Felix looks away, staring daggers at the stains of blood over his shirt.
“I attempted,” he let out shakily. “Jisung picked me up. Brought me here.”
“I see.” Hyunjin says quietly. “And why did you do that?” he asks, standing up and tossing his now-untied shoes into the pile of other shoes. Felix goes quiet, thinking over the question. “I dunno,” he admits after a while.
In fact, he did know, he just wasn’t ready to bare the innermost parts of himself to his long-time crush who had talked to him for the first time today. “Okay,” Hyunjin says easily, picking his bag back up and turning around. He paused in the doorway, hesitating, before saying “If you ever do know, I’ll listen.” and heading down the hall, presumably to his room.
Felix sits there frozen. Once he hears the click of a door, he turns to Chan, and gasps “Tell me that didn’t just fucking happen.” Chan smirks, standing up. “Well I’m afraid it just did. And I thought you said that he didn’t know you?” Felix blushes, staring back down at his blood-soaked shirt. “I didn’t think he did. And I guess he doesn’t know my name.”
Chan huffs out a small laugh, before asking “Do you need anything? If you’re okay with it I could bring the guys that are home right now to meet you? No pressure though, I totally get if you’re overwhelmed and-””Sure,” Felix cuts him off, picking at his nails nervously. “And I don’t need anything right now. I’ll let you know if I do though.”
“You won’t let him know, will you?” a small voice in the back of his head says. He squeezes his eyes shut and pinches at his wrist in between two of the cuts to make the voice go away as Chan goes to get “the guys”. He opens his eyes back up, staring distantly at a scabbing mark on his arm as he hears the shuffling of socked footsteps approach.
He snaps his eyes up after a moment, suddenly face-to-face with two unfamiliar faces, plus the group of Chan, Jisung, and Jeongin from before. A hint of relief rushes through as he realises that he won’t have to talk to Hyunjin again that night, and then immediate guilt for thinking that.
Chan shoves the muscly guy in front of him, poking him in the side and hissing something about first impressions. “Hi,” he blurts, poking Chan right back.
“I’m Changbin. Chan said that he already told you about what we all do, but I’m the sculptures student, in case you forgot. A lot of the kitchenware we have is stuff that I made! I also have a tendency to ramble, so if you get tired of it just tell me to shut up.” he admits sheepishly, huffing out a quiet laugh. “And Channie here is my boyfrienddd.” He drew the word out, pinching Chan’s cheek as he did so.
“Moving swiftly along” Felix hears, the other unfamiliar person stepping forward and side-eyeing the couple. “I’m Minho. I’m not really around much, I do graffiti and murals around the city so I have weird hours and schedules.”
Felix nods along, before Jisung adds “He’s also cranky. Acts like a cat before you get to know him. But he’s really a sweetheart deep down.” Felix lets out a quiet laugh at that, peering over at Minho to see his reaction, which turned out to be an exasperated head shake and a pinch to Jisung’s cheek.
Jeongin suddenly speaks up, shoving Changbin to the side as he says “There’s also Seungmin, but he’s visiting family. He’ll be back in a couple days.” Felix nods understandingly, asking “Are you two dating? Hyunjin, Seungmin, and you are the only ones who I haven’t heard about relationship-wise” innocently. A vivid blush springs onto Jeongin’s face as Chan glances at him suspiciously, before he blurts out “No, we’re not dating. He’s uh, not sure if he likes guys or not.”
“I see.” Felix says, suspecting something more was happening between them but not wanting to prod. “I, uh,” he starts, picking at his nails. An array of thoughts race through his head, overwhelming him with their intensity. “Can I talk to Chan please? Alone?” he blurts out, squeezing his eyes shut. “Sorry” he adds, quieter.
“Of course.” he hears Changbin say firmly. “And no need for apologies.” he adds, presumably ushering the rest out as he hears an array of footsteps. He waits a moment for them to be gone, before reopening his eyes and glancing over at Chan.
“I-” he starts, voice immediately betraying him and cracking. Tears fill his eyes as he looks at Chan, finally breaking. “I’m so tired” he admits, tears spilling over and wetting his cheeks. Chan springs forward, seemingly out of pure instinct, before he visibly hesitates and asks “Can I touch you?”
“Please” Felix sniffles, staring daggers at his palms. “I’m sorry” he cries, curling into himself while Chan wraps his arms around the ball that’s now his body. “Hey, hey. Breathe” Chan says softly, shifting Felix in order to sit behind him as he rocks Felix back and forth slightly. “There’s no need to be sorry. I’m here.”
“Why didn’t it work?” Felix asks at one point, head and heart aching equally as tears fall from his eyes. “I don’t know,” Chan replies truthfully. “And I’m so glad it didn’t.” he thought, holding Felix slightly closer.
They stay like that for a while, Chan murmuring reassurances into Felix’s hair as the blonde cries, and eventually calms down.
“I think I should try to go to sleep” Felix admits eventually, pulling away from Chan slightly and grimacing. “Would you guys happen to have a shirt that I could change into?” he asks, pulling the now-dried bloody shirt away from his torso. “Of course,” Chan agrees, standing up quickly, before hesitating with the hint of a smile on his face. “Shirt from me, or shirt from Hyunjinnie?” Chan asks.
Felix ducks his eyes, a blush making its way over his face almost immediately. “..Hyunjin?” he asks, picking at his fingernails once again. “Sounds good” Chan says, seemingly holding back a laugh as he goes to get a shirt.
Chan disappears down the hallway, leaving Felix alone with the weight of his own thoughts.
He stares at the floor, picking at the hangnail on the edge of one fingernail until Chan returns a bit later, black shirt folded neatly over one arm. “Hyunjin’s,” he says, passing it over to Felix.
He takes it carefully. The shirt is soft from being washed countless times, oversized enough that it would probably hang past his hips. He recognizes the faint smell of laundry detergent immediately, and something else beneath it that he can't quite place. Paint, maybe? It would make sense for the fine arts student after all.
“Thanks,” he mumbles a moment later, caught up in his train of thought. “Of course.” Chan replies easily, before hesitating and asking “Do you want some privacy? To change?”
Felix looks down at the bloodstained shirt he's still wearing, wincing before admitting “I don’t think I can get it off on my own.” Chan’s expression softens, almost fatherly-like. “Okay. That’s alright.” he says, before hesitating. “Do you want me to help?” Felix nods, picking at his fingernails again. “Just… be careful.” “I will.” Chan confirms, already reaching for the hem of his shirt. Felix lifts his arms as much as he can, wincing when the fabric catches slightly against the various cuts on his body.
“Sorry” Felix mutters, guilt taking over his mind. “Why are you apologising?” Chan asks, still focused on peeling the shirt off carefully. “I don’t know.” Felix responds after a moment, squeezing his eyes shut. Chan doesn't say anything else, instead focusing on carefully pulling the shirt upward. Felix keeps his eyes shut, doing his very best to think about anything else.
The shirt eventually comes off, and Felix immediately crosses his arms over his chest. He hates the way his stomach twists whenever he sees all the scars, the way his eyes instinctively avoid looking down, a habit from before the surgery that he just never broke.
Chan pauses for a moment, probably staring at the disgusting mixture of faded (and not-so-faded) pinkish-white lines, freckles, his larger surgery scars, and the fresh deeper cuts from earlier that mar his skin. Felix feels his face grow warm. “Can you-”“Yep.” Chan cuts him off, already holding out Hyunjin’s shirt.
Felix uncrosses his arms just long enough to take it, pulling it over his head as quickly as he can. The fabric falls loosely around him, almost instantly covering everything he had been doing his very best not to focus on.
He lets out a shaky breath. “Better?” Chan asks. “Yeah,” he responds. “Thank you”
Chan doesn't reply or comment on anything else, and Felix mentally thanks him for it. He looks down at himself, tugging at the shirt. The shirt is huge on him, the collar hanging slightly crooked and the sleeves nearly going down to his elbows. “It’s massive.” he comments, pulling at a loose thread on the hem. Chan lets out a quiet laugh, saying “Hyunjin likes oversized clothes.”
“I can tell.” A smile makes its way onto Felix’s face before he schools it out of existence. Chan picks up the shirt Felix had been wearing, holding it away from himself slightly. “Where do you want me to put this?” “Literally anywhere I can’t see it” Felix says, squeezing his eyes shut so as to not have to look at it.
“Yeah, sure.” Chan tosses it into the hall, presumably to pick up later, before looking back at Felix. “You still tired?”
Felix nods almost immediately. “Very.” “Then you should sleep.” Felix glances toward the couch.
“Here?” “Unless you want somewhere else.” “No, here is fine.” he rushes to add, silently cursing himself for seeming ungrateful.
Chan walks over to one of the armchairs, grabbing one of the spare blankets before shaking it out. “I can do it myself y’know” Felix grumbles, absolutely no heart behind the argument. Chan immediately waves him off, grabbing a pillow from the other chair and handing it to him.
He gets the blanket and pillow set up before Felix's eyes begin to grow heavy, his body finally catching up with the exhaustion that had been sitting underneath everything else.
“Chan?” “Yeah?” “Is Hyunjin awake?” Chan pauses, before glancing toward the hallway. “I don't know. Probably?” “Oh. Okay.”
Felix turns onto his side, facing the back of the couch. “Don't wake him.” Chan smiles faintly. “I wasn't going to.” “Okay.”
There’s another pause, somehow not uncomfortable. “Goodnight, Felix.” Chan says quietly. “Goodnight.” he responds. Chan's footsteps slowly fade as he walks down the hallway, leaving Felix alone with the hum of the fridge and the quiet noises of the night city outside.
His eyes close. The shirt smells faintly like laundry detergent, and something else he can't quite place. Paint, maybe. He thinks about it for a moment before deciding he’s too tired to care.
Tomorrow. He'll figure it out tomorrow. Deal with everything tomorrow. And eventually, he falls asleep, easier than he has in weeks.