Chapter Text
Hannah Bondalo is many things, an open person she is not. It's an easy fact to hide about herself. It seems like she gives information so freely. However, most questions she dances around, giving half-truths and unrelated facts. She's done it her whole life, never freely giving any information up. Her nana used to call her a pathological liar. Her ex-boyfriend called her paranoid. Her mama calls her closed-off. They're all right, in a way.
Hannah's so scared. She saw how her mother was treated when she opened up to her father. The way Mama's past, her secrets were thrown in her face. Messy fights, accusations of cheating, all leading to her father leaving again, and her mom on the floor sobbing. There were many nights that Hannah had slowly padded over to her sisters side, curling up next to her and whispering comforts into her ear. Hannah doesn't have the best relationship with her father.
Hannah also saw how opening up got people bullied. A shared secret around the playground, a picture passed around the lunch table. So, she became what people desired. She became the person that knew everyone, spoke up in class. She was everyone's friend. She just wasn't one to cry her heart out.
It wasn't exactly normal, Hannah knew that. She had always mimicked the people around her. Hannah found what people liked, what traits were desired in a girl, and she made them her own. Sometimes, though, there were unspoken rules. That's when she made the mistakes, showed vulnerability.
It was different now, kind of. She had people she opened up too. Her friends know a side of her that no one else does. She puts up a mask, this overly excited, friendly, ditsy girl. But with them, she can be someone else. She can be smart, mean, and sad. She can be Bon.
But Bon isn't Hannah.
Bon is witty. Bon is a loser. Bon stays up too late watching anime.
Hannah is popular. Hannah is kind. Hannah won homecoming queen.
They were both her in different ways. She loves herself, both versions. The walls she built were for her own sake, not because she was ashamed. She was just a paranoid person.
"You ready?" one of her new roommates, Jazzy, knocks on her door. Hannah had decided against living in the dorms, opting for having four roommates instead. She lives with one guy, Henry, and three other girls, Paige, Jazzy, and Izzy. A lot of -zzy's. Maybe she'll change her name too. Hannah cringes just thinking about it. Hazzy. Ew.
Hannah sits up quickly, laying on her bed shirtless. She rushes to the door while sliding her camisole over her head. Ow. She curses as slams her toe into an unpacked box. I should really put those away. Hannah and Jazzy are both crashing a party, having overheard it from one of Henry's friends.
"Yeah," Hannah opens the door as shes sliding her sandals on, "You got the beer?"
"Of course, who do you think I am?" Jazzy tosses one from the pack over to Hannah.
Hannah could kiss her. She cracks open the drink as Jazzy grabs her keys. She chugs the beer, before throwing it into the trash. She won't be coming to this party sober. Hannah slides into the passenger seat, turning on the music slightly too loud.
-
This party is cramped. Hannah can barely move around the house without running into anyone. Everyone is drunk and sweaty, she's been here for an hour and she already wants to leave. Behind her, Jazzy calls out to one of her friends.
"Ya' gonna be okay without me for a bit?" Jazzy looks back at her. No. Please don't leave me.
"Yeah, of course" Hannah shakes her head, "Go enjoy yourself, girl."
Hannah beelines for the alcohol table. She can't get through this without getting far drunker than she already is. She pours out too much tequila into her cup, taking a large gulp immediately.
"Hey, beautiful." Goddamn it. Hannah tries to ignore the voice that called out, walking forward into the crowd.
She sips from her drink, parsing through the people for Jazzy. Maybe he wasn't talking to me.
"You ignoring me?" a hand is set on her shoulder, pushing on it until she turns around.
"Didn't hear you, who are you?" She looks around frantically, trying to find a face she recognizes.
"I'm Tyler, baby," Great he even has a douche name. "You're hot, so hot. Wanna come home with me?" He sways his hips towards her. Gross, does this act actually entice girls?
"Sorry, I'm with my friend." Maybe if she implies shes gay, he'll leave her alone.
"That's fine," She's not gonna like the next words out of his mouth, huh. "I've always liked lesbians." Yep.
Jazzy please come save me.
"No thank you, Tyler."
"Cmon you havent even heard my offer yet, sweetheart."
Hannah tries backing up, before running directly into the chest of someone behind her. Their drink spills all over the back of her shirt, getting into her hair. Ew.
"Hannah?" The voice behind her is familiar. She just can't catch a break. That's the cute boy from Marketing class.
"Hey," What was his name? Oh god. She knows she made some stupid comment about it. Aaron. Andrew. Albert. "Anthony!" Right. Because he sounds and acts disgustingly close to her Anthony. That reminder is the last thing she needs right now.
"Are you okay?" he looks up at Tyler, eyes narrowing at his defensive stance.
"She's alright, man" Tyler scoffs, rolling his eyes "It's just a conversation."
"I didn't ask you, I asked her." Anthony snaps. Wow, this guy is protective.
"C'mon sweetheart, we getting scared over a compliment?"
"Yeah, trust me, shes not scared because of that bullshit." Their slurring their words. She might be the only person at this party who isn't drunk enough.
Tyler takes a step forward and grabs Hannah's wrist. Hard. She jerks forward in shock, before planting her feet on the ground.
"You're drunk, I'm not fucking sleeping with you."
"Dude, get the fuck away from her." A different man pushes Tyler back, releasing the grip he has on her wrist. He's clearly inebriated, stumbling over himself slightly with red eyes. He leans close to Anthony, they must be friends. They're standing on both sides of her, prepared for a fight. This new boy, he looks so familiar. Too familiar. Maybe he's in one of her classes? Hannah prays that they aren't helping her just to get in her pants.
"Will, calm down" Anthony grabs his shoulder, "You're drunk." Hannah appreciates the sentiment, really, but she didn't say to calm down. Hannah would actually prefer Tyler gets his ass beat. Though, this Will guy would probably lose. Maybe it's for the best Anthony told Will-
Oh my god.
That's Anthony and Will. Her Anthony and Will. They all go to the same college.
That's why he looked so familiar. It's the face she's been looking at almost everyday for 5 years. Will always was the only one comfortable enough to turn his camera on. Anthony and Will, not knowing who she truly is, are standing here protecting her. They are both slightly too drunk to be able to put up a real fight, but they are trying.
And Hannah isnt dumb. She knows her options here.
They are her best friends, they'll be overjoyed to know who she is. They can finally do things they've always wanted to do together. They can hug, they can have movie nights in person, they can just be together. However, they only know her as Bon. They don't know Hannah. What will they think about Hannah? Will they like her less?
This is a unique opportunity for her. She has a lot of online friends and a lot of in-person friends. She's never had both. These two people, her best friends, they'll finally know her as both Bon and Hannah. She wont have that mask anymore.
She'll be vulnerable.
No. She can't. She's Hannah here. She will be Hannah with them. She can't let this barrier drop. They won't know, not until she's ready for her two lives to intersect. They're her best friends, she won't lose them. She's going to play the damsel in distress.
"Do you want to go?" Anthony sets his arm on her shoulder.
"Yes. Please." Hannah is much less scared of these two, now that she knows who they are.
"Dude, back the fuck off." He spits, "This is my catch for tonight, find your own bi-"
Will's arm swings towards Tyler's face. Tyler's face snaps to the side and he stumbles back, crashing into a bystander. There's blood on Will's knuckles, and blood slowly dripping from Tyler's nose.
"Oh fuck, dude." Someone from the crowd yells out. The people around them push away, giving them space.
"Will!" Hannah wasn't being serious when she thought that. Okay, a little bit. It felt nice to see this guy get his shit rocked.
"I'm gonna fucking murder you." Tyler lunges at them, only being held back by the person closest to him.
"Okay, okay. Lets go, Will." Anthony grabs Will, pulling him towards the exit and away from Tyler.
"Fucking creep!" Will pushes against Anthony's hold. "No, let me go, I'm gonna beat his ass."
"You'll definitely lose." Hannah grabs onto his arm, pulling him along.
"That doesn't mean I shouldn't try." All three of them shuffle towards the exit, giant smiles on their faces. She has no clue where Jazzy is, she'll text her later. She still needs a ride home, but her boys are more important right now. She wishes Piso were here. Then, they could really just be together, a family. Anthony's the only one with decent parents, anyways. They can mooch off of him.
She watches as Anthony sneaks out with another beer in his hand. Hannah can't hold it together anymore, she starts laughing. Her back is covered in alcohol, Will's knuckles are still bleeding slightly, and Anthony's tripped over everything in his path. Fuck, what are they doing?
"Will-" Anthony interrupts himself, a laugh slipping out "You're an idiot."
"Thank you, Will" Will replies as they step outside, "For protecting me and my friend from a drunk frat-bro, is what you meant to say."
"Thank you, Will." Hannah shakes her head, a wide smile on her face.
"It looked like you just wanted to start a fight."
"A little bit." Will detaches himself from Anthony's side, "He was pissing me off the whole night."
"Hannah, you okay?"
"Yeah." she replies, breathily "I'm good. So good." Hannah steals the beer out of Anthony's hand.
"I was gonna drink that." He whines.
"Yeah, well, you seem drunk enough." Honestly, shes pretty tipsy herself. She deserves to be as drunk as these two. "Where to? I don't wanna go home yet."
"Let's just walk. I wanna walk. That way." Will points towards the city,
"What the hell, sure." Anthony shrugs.
So, they walk. They make jokes, they laugh too hard, and they're all visibly inebriated. They bribe a kind man into buying them all buzz-balls. It's the most fun Bon's had in a while.
Anthony is stumbling around in front of her. Its cute. He's so cute. Bon can't believe they waited so long to see each other in person. She knew they lived close, but she never expected to live this close.
"Y- hic know when…" Anthony trails off, clearly distracted by something. "We should get hotdogs."
They've landed themselves in front of a sketchy hotdog place. It looks like it violates several health codes just from the outside. It might be the best idea Bon's ever heard.
"You're a genius." Bon giggles.
"Hot Dog Toddies is still open?"
"Dude, that clearly says Johnny's."
"Oh." Will squints at the neon sign, "Are we sure?"
"You are somehow the smartest person I know and the dumbest."
"Shut up," Will opens the door, "I'm wa- hungry."
"Wahungry?" Bon trips over the door stop, both of the boys giggling like schoolgirls at her. She's too busy laughing to be embarrassed.
Anthony goes up and orders for them as she sits down at a table with Will.
"You seem fa- fame- familiar." He stumbles over his words.
Oh god. I have to stop this line of thought.
"I think we had the same orientation group." Bon lies, it comes easier to her than she expected.
"Are you sure?"
Anthony comes back with the food, easily diverting Will's train of thought. Will greedily grabs his hotdog immediately. Bon slowly unwraps hers, mouth salivating.
Hannah doesn't think shes ever tasted something this good.
"This is so fucking good." Anthony says though a mouth full of food.
"Hannah, this was an amazing idea. I love Hot Dog's Bon- Bonnie." Will groans and takes another bite.
What the hell?
"It was my idea!" Anthony scoffs, "Fuck off."
What'd he just call her?
And suddenly, Hannah realizes how open shes being. She hasn't been careful. Her flimsy lies earlier aren't enough. Hannah clams up. She can hear Will and Anthony joking over her head, filling the silence. She cant find it in herself to pay attention.
Hannah is, truly, so scared of vulnerability. She's having so much fun, she loves these two people so much. She's willing to do anything to stay friends with them forever. She knows they feel the same. Several late night talks have been about the future, what it brings and where they'll be in each other's lives. But there's that small voice in the back of her head, the one that says they wont like the "real" her.
Who is the real her?
"Hey, Hannah you okay?" Anthony is looking at her with large eyes. He's been hanging off of her shoulder almost the entire night, and right now is no different. He's hunched over on the seat slightly, just enough so he can look up at her.
His eyes are so beautiful.
"My uhm roommate." Bon shakes herself out of her stupor, she has to get away from them. "I left her at the party, she just texted me."
Jazzy is probably at the party right now, and Hannah would hate to distrupt her. She opens her messages and texts her anyways.
Jasmineee
hey, cafn u pick me up whjn u can
Started Sharing Location
Ofc girl omw now
I was wondering where you went
This party's boring as hell tbh
I thought you were js hooking up with someone lol
You safe?
yeah!!! dw I was js with some freinds
not hokup friends
ifl tell u ab wht ahpepend in the car
"Is she okay?" Anthony asks, ever the worrier. He's gotten close to her again, their shoulders touching.
"Oh yeah- don't worry" Hannah angles the screen away from him, "She just wants to go home and shes my ride, so."
"You're ditching us?" Will gets the poutiest look on his face, bottom lip sticking out and everything. "I thought you loved Hot Dog's Chompskies."
"Still not its name" Anthony says into his straw.
"I'm sorry. I like not walking home more than I like Hot Dog Johnny's." Hannah laughs.
Will boo's her. She truly wishes she could stay here forever.
"I'm gonna wait outside for her. You two stay safe, okay?"
"Bye Hannah!"
"Bye, see you in class." Anthony has this contemplative look on his face, like he knows what shes doing. Hannah can't stand it. He knows Bon better than anyone, he can't start knowing Hannah too. She walks away before she can say something she'll regret.
Please, just let her have this.
-
ant attack: bakcn form larty!!!!!!!!!!!!
peeso: how drunk r u
ant attack: I lsost will
so so drunk
too drunk
i thjink i embarraseddzed mself infornt of a cute girl
:((((
enbarresed
emabarezed
embarrassed
peeso: you LOST will??????
ant attack: yeah
inthink he walked domewhere
do u tuink the girls tsitll thinfkenim ccure
peeso: dude?? find will????
also yes she probably thinks ur still cute
u have a boyish charm to you that makes it cute when ur awkward
ant attack: promjse?
peeso: pinky
srsly tho ur worrying me
im calling will
ant attack: sorry
iddidt mean to worry
i minss u
we havent called in abwuke
i love u guys
i feme like ive inly talked to will the last 5 days
bonbonbon: MY RKOMATE IS THE BEST EVER
wiat i niss u sm.
wee all need to call :(((((
i missu too ily im sorty
ant attack: ur my brest friend in the ehiol world bon :((
bonbonbon: I LVOE U IM GONNA CRIY
I WIHS I COLKUD TELL U :((
ant attack: tekl me what!!!
u can tfell me anthing bon
bonbonbon: ik i can
ghats not the lroblem :(((((
peeso: i called will
he said hes in new york?????
im buying an uber for him
he should be back to ur dorm in 40 mins ish
im staying on the phone w him dw
but ur paying me back for this
i love u guys too
all of u drink water and eat smthin
how am i a designated driver and im not fucking there
-
Hannah regrets drinking as much as she did. She's had a killer headache the entire day. Going to two lectures and meeting up with an old friend for lunch was not exactly helpful for clearing her mind. She thinks her legs are going to fall off her body, shes so tired. Alas, she still has one more activity of the day. Her final lecture until friday. She has to show up to the art class she, stupidly, in a moment of optimism, signed up for. Hannah really doesn't have the energy to pay attention to the presentation the professor will give. She just wants to go to bed.
The art room is tucked away on the third floor. There's old paint splatters and graffiti on tables, set around a stand in the middle. It's a controlled chaos. She doesn't know anyone here, unfortunately, and everyone seems to have grouped up, chatting loudly between them. However, there's a boy, in the corner who sat alone. Hannah chooses him as her victim. They're gonna become best friends, whether he likes it or not. She slides into the seat in front of him.
"Hey, I'm Hannah."
"Oh uh Coy." The boy looks up from his phone in shock. Has he never had to talk to a stranger in class before?
"What's your major?"
"Theater acting." He seems standoffish about it, hiking his shoulders up. Bullied as a kid, probably.
That's rude, Hannah.
This, however, is the thing shes good at, She's great at getting people out of their shell, making rooms feel less awkward. So, she prattles on.
"I'm in journalism!" The smile she has on her face is blinding, "Why are you taking this class if you're in theater?"
"It's a required class. All theater majors have to take a visual art class." Coy lowers his shoulders, relaxing slightly.
Gotcha.
"That's so weird!" She shifts in her seat towards him, "How come?"
"Its so we like, understand the composition of a space."
He side eyes her slightly, a confused look on his face. It looks like he desperately wants to say something. This guys a weirdo. We're gonna be such good friends.
"Why are you here for journalism? Unless you're trying to draw the words." He laughs at his own bad joke. He reminds Hannah of Piso, in a way.
"I'm here because I like to draw! Also art classes are the best place to make friends." She places her arm on her palm, almost taunting him with her kindness.
"I mean- I guess yeah." He looks around, seeing everyone talking in their own groups. He's the only one not trying to reach out.
"Sooo…" She's playing coy, trying to get him to open up more. "What productions have you been in before? I only did one musical in high school. The Adams Family."
"I was in Little Shop of Horrors, Falesttos and The Lion King." He visibly perks up at this topic, finally engaged in the conversation.
"Oh, I love Falsettos! I can't believe your high school let you run that."
"I was- uhm homeschooled." he says, "I was just in a separate program, I played Jason."
Oh that makes more sense, he actually never has talked to a classmate. Except maybe his mom, or siblings, if he has some.
"Do you have any siblings?"
"Two sisters. I'm the middle child." He wrings his hands together on the table.
Jesus christ, it just gets worse. This poor kid was never meant to be socially aware.
"I have a sister too! She's actually the one who got me into art."
"Huh, weird."
Weird?
Seriously, what is with this boy? He keeps looking at her weirdly every time she talks. Theres only so many side-eyes that poor social skills and anxiety can excuse. He looks 12, first off. Is he even old enough to be in college? And, not in a homophobic way, he's in the theater program, sitting in an art class, in that shirt. The odds that he's staring because he's into her are incredibly low.
"What'd you say your name was?" He interrupts her thoughts.
"Oh, Hannah." Coy raises his eyebrow at her, expecting more "…Bondalo?"
"Why is it a question? Do you not know your own last name?"
"Well, nobody asks for anyone's last name anymore!"
"Nobody? Have you ever been to the, like, doctor?"
Coy has found a specific nerve that very few people can touch.
"Are you my doctor?"
"No, but what if I like, hear me out, was just fucking curious."
"Then say that!"
"Why do you think I asked Bondalo!"
Shes gonna murder him by the time the semester ends.