Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

I looked in the mirror for the last time to fix my hair before heading out.  

“I hope this is fine.” I muttered to myself as I stepped away from the mirror to get a full look.

I  looked at my outfit from head to toe for the last time, pulling at my camisole to fix them over my baggy jeans.  The last thing I fixed were my earrings and necklace.  Once I was satisfied with my clothes, I grabbed my purse and left my room.  I made sure to lock the front door of the house before making the walk to the park to meet a friend.

I was only stressing about my outfit because I was meeting Liam for the first time outside of school.  I didn’t know why I was so nervous.  He was just a classmate, at least that’s what I thought.  We only spoke during class, and I hardly ever saw him during lunch.

I assumed some of my nerves came from how he carried himself.  Liam was someone conventionally attractive, charming, and put together.  Unlike other guys his age, he always came to school with his hair nicely styled and his uniform clean.  He was also extremely tall and muscular, the perfect look for a professional baseball player.  Oftentimes, when I passed the baseball field on the way home, I would see Liam adjusting his cap during practice.  Somehow the sweaty blonde locks that stuck to his forehead still remain effortlessly stylish.  Liam was also incredibly friendly towards everyone, even with his somewhat broken Japanese.  He would greet everyone he came across with a smile and a wave and he always offered to help people out.  Some girls at school joked about how Liam’s existence was to embody the perfect guy and to be honest, I did not disagree.  Liam had told me once before that he had turned down modeling opportunities several times because he wanted to pursue baseball seriously.

As I walked, I thought about another reason for my nerves.  I realized that I had no idea what Liam had planned for just the two of us at the park.  Even though the only thing he informed  me was to dress comfortably, which could serve as a hint, I couldn’t think of a single thing we would do together. We were only classmates, yet he had insisted that we hang out just the two of us.  Why wasn’t he spending his weekend with his baseball friends?  Then again, maybe there wasn’t anything strange about it.  I was probably the person he spoke to the most in class.  I was always clarifying notes for him or helping translate difficult phrases, so maybe he was simply comfortable around me.

At least, that was what I told myself.

Suddenly, I felt my purse buzz.  I went to look for my phone and noticed that Liam was calling me.  I swiped to pick up the call and put my phone near my ear.

“Hey Y/N, good morning.” Liam beamed in English, “I hope you don’t mind that we speak English right now.”

“No, it is fine.” I replied, trying to dampen the nerves that seeped through my words.

I could feel the rhythmic pulse of my heart increase.

Liam spoke happily, “I wanted to call and tell you that I made it to the park.  I’ll be waiting for you at the main entrance.”

“That sounds good to me.” I said, “Oh, I want to ask.  What are we doing at the park?”

I listened to Liam’s deep yet soft chuckle over the phone.

“You will see Y/N.  Are you dressed comfortably?”

I nodded, “I am wearing jeans, a camisole, with walking shoes.  Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds more than fine.  We will be fairly active.” Liam said, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodbye.” I spoke.

After I hung up the phone, I sped up my pace to the park.  I didn’t want to keep Liam waiting, even though he came earlier than our agreed meeting time.  Luckily, the park wasn’t too far now that I had walked for a while and I knew the directions.

I often visited Kamakura Seaside Park growing up, and I knew I was lucky to have such a pleasant community space near my neighborhood.  The park had plenty of trees providing shade and a beautiful view of the beach from the picnic areas.  It was also one of the few parks designated for children as it had more than simple pathways for walks.  The park had a playground and lots of grass space to play casual sports.  Because of that, I had fond memories of this place.  I remember the hours spent at the playground with my elementary friends after school before splitting up to walk home.  As I grew older, my friends and I moved on from playing on play grounds to gossiping at the picnic area about school rumors.  

Since I stopped speaking to Sae, I haven't returned.  Every time I am reminded of Sae, I experience what people may describe as heartache.  My chest tightens whenever I accidentally recall the old conversations Sae and I had together under the park’s trees.  I get an empty feeling in my stomach even looking at the grassy field where Sae attempted to teach me football tips.  Even though I feel this way when I think about Sae, I can’t bring myself to hate him. I wanted to believe he cut me off because he grew into someone different in Spain, someone that didn’t need me around anymore.  I loved Sae enough to want him to succeed no matter the cost, even if I was the cost.  I never knew that friends could leave as quickly as they were made. Because I was never warned, I learned it the hard way.  It wasn’t like Sae and I were lovers.  Yes we liked each other, but it was never made official.  If we had made it official in some alternate universe out there, then there would be a version of me that would be even more devastated.  I would never wish that on anyone.

I secretly hoped that today would make things different.  I could make new fond memories with someone else here.  It would be a waste to avoid such a nice park forever.  

Pretty soon, I saw the park’s large sign that said “Kamakura Seaside Park”.  Below the sign stood Liam, carrying a duffel bag.  

Liam looked up from his phone and noticed me approaching him.  He decided to jog up to me, waving and smiling happily, as if we were old friends.

“Y/N!  Hello!” Liam exclaimed.

As he came closer to me, I noticed how his bright blue eyes gleaned under the sun.  His eyes were beautiful, almost as if it had stolen the blue from the ocean on a late summer’s day.  And there he was, happily staring back at me.

I waved at him as he admired his eyes and how his hair moved, “Good morning Liam!”

It was nice that he made efforts to learn Japanese outside of school.  I could tell that his Japanese was improving little by little with the confidence he had.

When Liam finally made it beside me, we continued to walk into the park on its paved pathways.

“Thanks for coming to see me.” Liam smiled, “I wanted to see you today so we could hang out and improve my Japanese.  Is that okay?”

I nodded happily, “Yes of course.”

Liam went to rub my shoulder, “Good, we can walk and talk.”

The two of us began our walk, entering the park and following the paved concrete pathways.

Liam began the conversation, “Was the walk here good or bad?”

I nodded, “Yeah, it was a nice walk.  Not many cars or people and the weather is nice.”

Liam agreed, “I agree.  I did not expect Japan to be so mild in October.  I thought it would be so cold.”

“That surprises me too.  Kamakura is a beach city and all, but my mom told me that this summer was a lot hotter than previous years.” I added, “Maybe that’s why it’s so mild now.”

I asked Liam as we walked, “What’s it like in Sweden in October?”

“I am from Stockholm.  Stockholm is one of the southern cities of Sweden and in October it gets very cold.” Liam chuckled, “I am not bothered, but you might be.”

“And why do you think so?” I replied, playing along with him.

“I mean you’re tiny and you’re from Japan.” Liam pointed out.

“Japan gets a decent amount of snow, especially here.”

Liam smiled, “Yes, but it is colder in Sweden.  If you ever visit, I’ll make sure to help you find a suitable coat.”

“Thanks, you’re very kind.” I smiled.

I asked him, just to continue the conversation.  I assumed he wanted to improve his Japanese while we were together.

“So, what do you do for fun in Sweden besides playing baseball?”

Liam answered, his eyes lighting up, “Oh, I like to go to arcades.  We do not have much, but I like them.”

“The good news is, Japan has so many.” I noted.

“Then can we go some day?  Together?” Liam asked excitedly.

Liam’s blue eyes then widened, as if he realized that he had done something wrong.  I could tell Liam said something he didn’t mean to say, but I didn’t know what he was trying to cover up.  What he said was fine and I didn’t mind.  All I noticed was the shift in his tone and demeanor.

Liam nervously chuckled, “Ah sorry.  Um too forward.  You want to go to an arcade together another day?”

I nodded, smiling so that Liam didn’t feel out of place, “Yeah, I don’t go very much…so maybe you can show me some games?”

“Yes, that sounds very fun another day.” Liam smiled.

I asked, “What do you normally play at an arcade?”

“I like to play Mario Kart.  It is a game where you go like this.” Liam said as he pretended to use a wheel to show me what he was referring to.

I watched as he continued to pretend and play with a wheel and make the noise of the game the best he could in a mix of English and Japanese.  Suddenly, Liam paused his antics to look at me.

I didn’t know why, but we stopped walking to look at each other and laugh.  What he did was hardly funny.  The action simply caught me off guard, but still I found myself laughing along.  I could tell that Liam was trying his best to make sure that I had a good time and I really was.  I couldn’t deny that I liked being around Liam and I knew it before we had this moment.  Liam was a great conversationalist.  He was also energetic and genuine.  What I thought about him only cemented and I couldn’t believe that I was nervous before.

I laughed as I said, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to laugh at you.  I understand what you mean.”

“Ah, I do not know that word.  How do you say um driving in Japanese?” Liam asked shyly as we continued walking.

“It's driving.  And I know that one, the game.  Kenzo likes that game too.”

Liam wondered, “Kenzo?  Who is Kenzo?”

“He’s my twin brother, we don’t look alike until we stand next to each other though.” I replied as I fished out my phone.

I opened my phone to show Liam the most recent photo I had of Kenzo.  I showed him a picture of Kenzo napping on the couch after his evening meet.  Kenzo laid on the couch stretched out and lazily in his track uniform.  His mouth was slightly ajar and one arm hung off the couch while the other rested on his forehead.

Liam couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, “That is your brother?”

“I know, we look so alike right?” I joked as I put  my phone away.

Liam smiled, “No, not at all.  He looks very tall.”

I nodded, “Yeah, he’s really really tall. Our faces look alike, but our hair and clothes are very different.  Lots of people assume he’s my older brother.”

“I think so too.”

“Does your brother play a sport?” Liam asked, “He wore a uh… jersey?”

“He’s on the track team at our school.  And I think he does the 400 meter dash... I’m not entirely sure.” I said as I made a motion to pretend to run.  I didn’t know if Liam knew what I was describing.

“Oh, so he runs fast?”

I nodded, “Really really fast.  He used to play football because of that talent, but he found that he liked running more.”

“Wow, very cool.  Do you play sports?”

“Oh no, I am really bad at sports.  I think Kenzo took all the athleticism." I let out a small laugh. 

I caught Liam looking down at his duffel bag and wondered what he was thinking.  He then looked back at me, with a bit of worry in his eyes.

“Do you like sports?” Liam asked with hesitance.

I nodded, “Yeah, I grew up watching football with my dad and brother.  I’ll play in a group setting.”

“Oh good.” Liam said with a smirk, looking down to his duffel bag again, “I did not want to choose a bad uh activity?”

I finally decided to ask him a question that would stop the back and forth looks.

“What’s in the duffel bag?”

Liam looked at the bag once again and lifted it slightly, “Oh this?  In the bag are some baseball gear.  I have two baseball gloves, three baseballs, and one bat.  See?”

Liam stopped walking to show me the contents he described.  He undid the zipper and let me take a look.

“So you’re going to teach me baseball today?” I asked as we continued to walk again.

He nodded happily as he slung the duffel bag back on his arm, “Yes, is it okay?  I want to play while you teach me more Japanese.  You’re a really good teacher.”

I smiled at his compliment, “Yes we can.  But Liam, I simply translate things for you in class.  It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yes, but you do it in a way that helps me catch on.  I understand why you want to become a teacher in the future.”

I was surprised that Liam remembered that detail about me.  I thought we were just classmates.

I replied to him with a shy smile, “I think you’re just a good learner.  I think by next year, you won’t need me anymore.”

Liam shrugged, “I think I want to start pretending to be clueless to keep you around.”

Liam then pointed at an empty area in the grass, “Come, I can start to teach you some baseball.  We have talked for long enough, right teacher?”

I smiled and nodded, “Right, I did.”

“It is my turn now.” Liam pointed to himself.

Liam suddenly grabbed my hand to lead me to the area he referred to. 

Once he had me where he wanted he grabbed my purse.

“Let me put that down for you.  It is better to play carefree.” Liam said.

I watched as he walked away with my purse in hand.  He set down the duffel bag and put my purse in there.  Afterwards, he fished out a baseball and the two baseball gloves he brought.  He then returned to me as he put the baseball in his pocket.

Liam asked me, “Okay, which hand do you like to write with?”

I lifted my dominant hand.  Liam took my nondominant hand and helped me put the glove on.  My fingers felt the leather slide on with too much ease due to the largeness of the glove.  The leather was cool as it sat on my hand, but I wondered if baseball gloves were supposed to fit this big.  I noticed Liam taking the time to look at my gloved hand, turning it back and forth a few times.

Liam looked down into my eyes and chuckled shyly, “Ah sorry, I was just wondering if the glove was too big.”

Liam let go of my hand and allowed me to determine the fit.

He added, “I do not have any other size.  These are the two I have.”

I played with the glove a little bit, squeezing my fingers inside the glove and trying to get my hand to close.

“It’s fine, your hands are just huge.” I noted as I looked away from the glove on my hand to his face.

I continued to say, “But why did you put the glove on my non-dominant hand?”

“In baseball, we throw with our dominant hand and catch with the non-dominant.” Liam informed me as he put on his glove.

“Then why are you putting your glove on your right hand?” I pointed out.

Liam looked at me surprised, “Oh, you do not notice in class?  I’m left-handed.  It’s really good for baseball.”

I shook my head, “No, I never noticed.  That’s cool.”

Liam said as he began to walk away from me to make space for throwing, “You should try and notice me more often.  I would like that a lot.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in light confusion.  Notice?  What did Liam even mean by that?

Liam called out to me, “Watch and listen!”

I looked at him as he tossed the ball up in the air a few times.

Liam instructed as he pointed to himself, “We will go easy okay?  We will start with the ball thrown above the waist.  When I throw it, use the glove to catch upwards.”

I raised the hand with the glove with my fingers up, “Like this?”

“Yes!  I should see the palm of the glove.  If I cannot see, the ball will hit your nose.” Liam nodded, “And when you catch, keep the glove over the head and you catch with both hands.”

Liam’s instructions were a bit confusing, but I did as he said anyway.  I lifted my arms and had my hands above my head, ready to catch.

“Exactly!  We can work to  catch it right now.” Liam called out, “You can throw however you want after, I can catch it.”

“Okay!” I replied, giving him a thumbs up.

“Ready?  I will aim at your hands!” Liam warned.

I nodded and watched as Liam prepared to toss the baseball.  Liam tossed the ball up in the air a few times, almost as if trying to prepare for the throw.  I seriously hoped he didn’t throw too hard.  I’ve heard about baseball injuries to the head and where Liam promised that he’d aim was right above my head.  Sure he came to Japan to play baseball seriously, but I still had my doubts.

Liam suddenly tossed the ball.  The baseball flew nicely at first, but then it went way above my head.

Liam winced at his mistake, “Sorry. I can go get that.”

Liam jogged over in my direction to get the ball.

Before he went past me, Liam patted my back.

“Sorry, you’re a lot shorter than I thought.” he smirked.

I watched as Liam jogged to grab the runway ball.  Liam picked it up, scooping the baseball into his gloved hand.  As I watched Liam return, jogging towards me, there was something nostalgic about his movement.  His hair blew alongside the gentle wind and he had this soft embarrassed smile that was somehow charismatic.  Suddenly, the view looked familiar…too familiar.  I began to see the silhouette of someone that thought I had gotten over.  Then, I saw his face in what should’ve been Liam’s.  His perfect blonde locks faded to a messy yet face framing maroon hue and his bright blue eyes faded to the passionate teal I loved to stare at years ago.  Because of that, my chest tightened and there was an emptiness in my stomach.  Even at that moment, that should’ve been a new beginning, I was starting to experience heartache.

***

Victor, a stoic French footballer, meets Himari, a Japanese foreign exchange student, while he is abroad in England.  After discovering that Himari struggles with French, Victor offers to tutor her, and the two gradually grow closer and fall in love.  Although Victor believes in fate, he goes out of his way to prove that their relationship is worth fighting for.  At the same time, Himari doubts that they can overcome the distance between them once she has to return to Japan.  Their love is put to the test when Himari must return to home for university and Victor must remain in England to pursue his career as a professional Arsenaly footballer.

Though each episode of Beyond Destiny followed a “will they won’t they” structure, Kenzo and I loved watching the anime and never grew tired of it.  Surprisingly, Kenzo had a soft spot for romance anime and he was the one who begged me to watch it with him.  Because the new episodes were released on Wednesdays, the same day he didn’t have practice, we like to watch it together right after school.  Today was different though.  Today was the anime’s finale and I was so excited to watch it.  I needed to know what Victor did after their separation at the airport.

The school bell finally rang and I quickly packed up my school bag to head home for the day.  My other classmates were either doing the same or simply walked out.

Once I was finished packing my bag, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I turned around to notice my friend Chiyo behind me.

Chiyo waved to me, “Bye Y/N!”

I waved back to her, “Bye Chiyo, good luck.”

She quickly went to shut my mouth by covering her hand over it.

“Hey! Not so loud!” she said in a harsh whisper.

When she finally let go, I replied, “Chiyo, it’s so loud in the classroom and I just told you ‘good luck’.”

Chiyo grumbled, “You don’t get it.  Anyone in this classroom could be friends with Gummy Bear.  He’s friends with everyone.”

“I mean you’re gonna tell him today.” I playfully nudged her before wearing my school bag on my shoulder, “Why would it matter?”

“Ugh, I’m so nervous.  What if he doesn’t like me back.” Chiyo complained as we walked out of the classroom.

“You’re overreacting.  Gummy Bear definitely likes you back.” I replied, “This is like what…the third attempt?”

“It’s hard, okay?” Chiyo grumbled, “Everytime I want to find the perfect moment, we end up having to split ways.”

“Then just tell him on the street where you two have to split ways.  If it doesn’t end well for some reason, then you could run off.” I said as if it was the most obvious thing to do.

Chiyo sighed, “I guess you’re right.  I have to go now.  Gummy Bear said he’d be waiting for me at the front gates.  You have to find your brother right?”

I pointed at the classroom we stopped at, “Yeah, he’s in here.  Good luck Chiyo.”

We waved to each other once last time before Chiyo left for the school’s front gates and I went into Kenzo’s classroom.

As soon as I walked in, I noticed the different atmosphere Kenzo’s class had compared to mine.  While the people in my class rushed to head home, his classmates were more laid back and plenty stayed behind to talk to friends or pack their school bags at a slower pace.  I finally spotted Kenzo after taking a look around his classroom.  I found him lingering with his friends around his desk.  They were talking to each other as they slowly put their notebooks into their backpacks.  I assumed it was something about football.  I recognized two of the friends he spoke to since they were on the team.

I walked up to Kenzo and talked to him, “Hey Kenzo, are you ready to go home?”

Kenzo finally noticed that I was standing there, waiting for his answer.  Yet, one of his friends from the team spoke up before he did.

“Yo, Kenzo.  Isn’t that your sister?” Jun asked.

Kenzo looked at me then looked away, “Yeah it is?  So?”

“Pfft, dude you walk home with her or what?” Toma scoffed.

I watched as Kenzo crossed his arms and refused to look at me.

“Only sometimes…”

He finally looked at me, with somewhat disgust, “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Asking you if you were ready to walk home?  Are you deaf or what?” I gave him the attitude back.

I caught his friends raising their eyebrows and looking back and forth at us.  I could tell that they were surprised with my attitude, but I didn’t understand why.  If my own twin brother was being rude, he deserved the same energy back.  I wasn’t someone who was fine getting pushed around.

“No, I’m not deaf.” Kenzo huffed as he crossed his arms, “And I’ll be walking home with my friends from now on.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because they’re cooler and more entertaining than you.  That’s why.” Kenzo scoffed.

I raised my eyebrow in confusion, “Um okay?”

Jun put his arm around Kenzo, “Ha!  See?  You heard what he said.”

I kept quiet since I had no business speaking to his other friends.  I hardly knew them.

I ignored his friends and asked Kenzo directly, “Aren’t we going to watch Beyond Destiny when we get home?”

Toma nudged Kenzo and laughed, “Dude!  You watch that girly crap?!”

Kenzo’s face flushed pink and he scoffed with embarrassment, “Huh?  What no?  Y/N, what are you even talking about?  I would never watch that.”

My face soured at his words, “But Kenzo, you love Beyond Destiny.  Why are you lying?”

I could tell that Kenzo scrambled to find his words.

“What?!  No I don’t!  I don't even know what that- that thing is?”

I finally realized why he was so embarrassed.  He desperately wanted to impress his friends so he played off not knowing the show, though liking a show was something so insignificant.  I don’t think anyone would stop being friends because of a preference in shows.  It would be ridiculous.

I rolled my eyes at Kenzo, “Yes you do.  Are you just lying to be cool?”

Toma chuckled, “What are you talking about?  Kenzo is cool.  You’re just his annoying sister.”

I looked at his friends confused, “Hey, this is an A and B conversation, see yourself out.”

Jun scoffed and pushed me, “We don’t have to listen to orders from a girl.”

“Okay?” I replied, “It’s just rude to cut into a conversation you weren’t invited to.”

I didn’t know what to say to all three of them now.  The three of them were trying to act tough, but it was awkward.  I knew their act was simply a facade and because of that, it bothered me.  PLus, I wasn’t feeling attacked or had the feeling of being “riled up” as they expected.  I wasn’t someone who was bothered easily, at least that’s what I thought.

“Dude is your sister broken?” Jun whispered to Kenzo, “She’s not leaving us alone.”

Toma added, “Could we just go to the park now?  Like we agreed?”

I watched as Kenzo thought to himself.  He looked away from everyone and clenched his hands to a fist.  His eyebrows furrowed, his lips frowned, and his nose flared.

I reached out to Kenzo, “I could also just see you at-”

Kenzo yelled at me, “Geez just leave me alone!  You’re so annoying!”

He had smacked my hand out of his way before walking off.  Jun and Toma followed him close behind.  I watched as Kenzo walked out of the classroom and didn’t even bother to look back at me.

I never would’ve thought that Kenzo would yell at me, especially at school.  What I said or did wasn’t even serious.  I didn’t think someone I cared for would act like this towards me and because of that I didn’t know how to feel.  Was it my fault for being persistent?  Did I take something too far?  I didn’t think I did and Kenzo wasn’t someone sensitive anyway.

I pursed my lips as I looked down to the hand that Kenzo hit.  It was a shade of pink and the mark could be seen clearly.  I was fighting to push back the lump in my throat from both the stinging pain and what had happened.  I can’t believe I was getting all worked up because my brother didn’t want to watch a stupid anime with me.

As I walked out of the classroom, I gripped onto the strap of my school bag in an attempt to forget what had just happened.  Nonetheless, the entire moment continued to replay in my head.  I hated having to speak to Kenzo with his constant attitude and lies.  I hated the awkwardness of the situation as his friends helped him push back at me.  I hated how dismissive Kenzo was, but I was also beginning to realize how Kenzo’s behavior had changed since joining Kamakura United.  Recently, he had become more hostile towards me with his constant sexist remarks and avoiding me at school.  I didn’t know what was becoming of my brother and I was growing worried for him.  He used to be kind and over protective of me.  I missed when he was someone like that.  

Unexpectedly, I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder.  I stopped walking to quickly turn around and see who it was.  I wasn’t exactly in the mood to do anything with anyone at the moment.

What I saw when I turned around surprised me.  He was the last person I’d expect to encounter, let alone check up on me.  Sae let go of my shoulder and I saw how his eyes widened in shock.

“Y/N?  Are you okay?” Sae said as he stood in front of me.

All of a sudden, my attempts to be strong failed.  I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I felt my voice crack.

“Yeah, I’m…I’m f-fine.”

I could hear the panic in Sae's voice settle in.

“No you’re not.  Just-just stay right there.”

I watched as Sae jogged somewhere else and turned the corner.  I sighed tiredly, assuming another boy just left me.

I pouted to hold my emotions back as I turned around to walk again.  I wanted to get home as soon as possible anyway.  Maybe the season finale will cheer me up.

“What part of ‘stay right there’ don’t you understand?!” Sae called out to me.

I turned around to see Sae jogging back to me with a wad of paper towels in his hand.

“These aren’t tissues, but close enough.” Sae tried to hand them to me.

I took the paper towels in my hand and neatly folded them to use, “Oh…thanks.”

Sae suddenly grabbed my hand and walked to lead me out of the hallways.  His hand held mine firmly, but not too hard.  His touch was gentle and warm, something comforting that I did need in the moment.

“Sae?  Where are…are we going?” I asked as I walked behind him and dabbed my eyes.

Sae answered me, “Somewhere better.  The custodians are going to come clean the halls any minute.

Sae led the way and took the two of us to the benches in front of the school.  He let go of my hand and placed his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to sit down on a random bench he had chosen in the shade.  Sae then set his school bag and drawstring bag on the ground before sitting beside me at a comfortable distance.  

Sae spoke to me as he faced away from me, “Just take your time.”

I looked forward to the school’s front gates to focus on composing myself as Sae requested.

While I tried to compose myself, Sae didn’t say a single word to me, but that’s all I needed.  He sat there beside me and looked away to the side, ignoring all the noises I couldn’t hold back.  As I dabbed the tears from my eyes and the gross stuff coming out of my nose, I found myself calming down.  Somehow, having Sae here helped me, and he didn’t even need to do a single thing.

I didn’t know why Sae decided to help me all of a sudden.  I didn’t think he saw me as someone close enough to comfort.  From my perspective, we were just two people who knew each other.  Sae and I knew each other through Kenzo, even though Kenzo never introduced us.  Sure, Sae had been eating lunch with my friends and I everyday, but he hardly spoke.  I noticed how Sae ate in silence unless I asked him a question and even then he gave short answers.  I didn’t even consider Sae my friend either.  I hardly knew his likes and dislikes, the basic facts about his family, or what he did besides football.  The questions I tend to ask him were about his team or school because I didn’t know what to ask to get him to talk.  In those moments, I simply spoke to him out of courtesy because I wondered if he ever felt left out around my friends and I.

After a few moments of silence between us, I decided to look at him.  Sae caught me staring and he glared back at me.

“What?  Are you done crying now?” Sae grumbled.

I wiped my nose for the last time with the last clean paper towel as I looked away from him, “I didn’t ask you to sit here with me.”

Now this was the real Sae I knew.  He was straightforward and cold and defensive, especially when we were alone.

“Geez, I thought playing nice would be easy, but you’re taking up my time.” Sae muttered.

I caught what he said and responded, “You could leave if you want, I didn’t ask you to be here.  The gate is right there you know.”

A pause came between the two of us as we sat there.  I expected Sae to leave since we were growing irritated at each other, but he stuck by my side.

Sae finally asked, “What happened?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I snapped back.

“I do, that’s why I asked.  Why are you getting all defensive?”

“Because we’re not close enough for me to tell you things like that.”

I watched as Sae’s left eye twitched in real time.  I could tell he was trying to hold back something even worse to say.

“Then how close do I have to be for you to explain why you were crying?!”

I stared at him, taken off guard by how his voice raised at me.

“I-”

I couldn’t get anything out so I pursed my lips and stayed silent.

Sae let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed the back of his neck, “You know what?  Nevermind.  You’re right, you didn’t want me here anyway.”

As Sae began to stand up and grab his bags, I reached out to hold his hand.  I didn’t know why I reached out for him in the first place.  We were beginning to have a petty disagreement and I was confused and disorientated, but for some reason I still wanted Sae by my side.  He kept me grounded and grounded was what I needed.  To my surprise though, for some reason, Sae didn’t shake my hand off his.  He stood there as my hand loosely gripped him.  He could’ve easily shaken it off to leave me, but he didn’t.  Sae stayed.

“Wait, I’m sorry.  I’m just a mess right now.” I whispered as I let go of his hand.

Sae sat back down and looked at me, “Then tell me about it…like I had asked the first time.”

I held my head with my hands as I told Sae, “You know, now that I think about it…what happened was so stupid.  It was a stupid argument over something so small.  I think my own overthinking made me cry.”

Sae scooted even closer to me and leaned in to hear me better.  He was so close that I could feel the warmth of his face near mine and hear his deep breaths by my ear.  As I took the time to collect what had really happened, I could hear Sae’s fingers lightly tapping the wooden bench we sat on and the rustling of the leaves from the tree that stretched above us.

I finally found the words to tell Sae, “I had this weird argument with my brother after school and for some reason his friends joined in.  I just wanted to walk home with him and watch our favorite anime together.”

I didn’t hear Sae say anything to me afterwards.  I only heard the shirt of his uniform rustle as he sat back up.  Because of that, I also sat back up to look at his reaction.  I turned my head slightly, only to see how Sae’s eyebrows furrowed, looking at me confused.

“That’s it?” Sae asked, glaring at me.

I nodded softly, “I mean yeah…that’s it.  That’s why I said it was stupid.”

“Yeah, it is stupid.  Why’d you get sad about something as trivial as that?”

“I mean I really did want to watch the finale with Kenzo, but I think it’s more so how he and his friends treated me.” I shrugged with defeat, “His friends were cutting into our conversation and then Kenzo became defensive until he finally yelled at me and then he left.”

“What did he say to you?” 

“He called me annoying and he wanted me to leave him alone.”

Sae replied, “So just do what he says.  Leave him alone.”

I frowned at Sae, “Are you really siding with Kenzo right now?”

Sae looked upwards at the tree branches above us as he said, “No, but if that’s what he wants, then it’s fine.  There’s no rule where you have to watch the episode with him or have to walk home with him.  You could do those things alone too.”

I groaned, “I know, but I don’t think I was getting sad at that exactly.”

I turned my body to fully look at Sae, “I think I’m beginning to miss how Kenzo used to be.”

Sae looked at me confused, “Used to be?”

I nodded, “Yeah.  Kenzo used to insist on going everywhere with me.  He hated the idea of me going somewhere alone or with just a few people.  It’s the perks of having a twin…but I noticed that since joining the football team and coming to middle school…he’s changed.”

“How?” Sae asked.

I listed, “He’s been making excuses to not walk home with me.  He doesn’t want me to show up to his practice, even though I never show up anyway.  I overhear him making sexist comments at school and at home.  And he hardly talks to me in general.”

Sae spoke, “Some guys change in middle school.  They either start to hate their family or girls.”

“Ugh tell me about it.  His two friends were pushing me around today too.” I sighed, “I don’t know if Kenzo learned it from those two or from somewhere else, but I just feel like I’m mourning someone who’s still alive.”

“Do you feel the need to hang out with Kenzo anyway?  You have your friends.” Sae pointed out.

“I mean yeah, I have friends…but Kenzo is my brother.  I live with him and everything.  I just don’t like the person he’s turning into right now.” I said, “He’s being mean and arrogant.  He’s just difficult to be around.”

I then asked Sae, “But I now wonder…how come you’re not like that.”

“Like what?” Sae was confused.

“You know…hating family or girls.” I shrugged, “You’re nice to your brother and you’re also nice to me. You’re willing to hang out with my other friends, Akane and Chiyo, who are girls.  Ren is the only other guy in the group you know.”

Sae thought about his answer before responding, “It’s because I care.”

“Care?” I tilted my head to the side out of curiosity.

Sae looked away from me and scrambled to find his words, “Yeah, I-I mean I care.  About you and other people.”

“Me…and other people?” I repeated slowly for clarification.

Sae nodded, still looking away, “Yeah.  It’s more awareness.  I’m aware of what others think.”

“I think that’s a good trait to have.” I breathed out tiredly, “Maybe Kenzo should learn a thing or two from you instead of your other team mates.”

I asked Sae out of curiosity, “Did you help me out today because you were aware?”

Sae softly replied, “I did.  Why?”

“I was just wondering.  It was…nice of you.” 

Sae spoke softly, “We’re also friends…that’s what friends do right?”

I smiled at his comment, “Aw, you think I’m your friend?”

Sae raised his eyebrow, “What else would we be?”

I smiled as Sae managed to accidentally cheer me up, “Hmm maybe acquaintances?”

“Huh?  Why?”

“Because we just have lunch together.” I pointed out, “And I hardly know you.”

“Isn’t that what friends do?  Have lunch together?”

I noticed the hushed sadness in Sae’s voice as he said that.

“Wait…you’re serious?” my eyes widened, “That’s all you think friends do?”

Sae finally looked at me just to push my shoulder, “What else would we be huh Y/N?”

I pointed to myself, “I thought we just saw each other as acquaintances, because we just know of each other.”

Sae leaned in to speak to me, “What does that even mean?”

“What?  Acquaintances or knowing of each other?”

“Knowing of each other.  I thought we were friends because we eat together and we talk sometimes.  That’s what friends in movies do.”

I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, “Sae, you know that being friends means more than that right?”

Sae shook his head.

“Sae, I don’t know what you like or hate.  I also don’t know facts like your birthday or your family.” I pointed out, “We’re missing the basics.”

“You could just ask when we have lunch.” Sae shrugged.

“But you barely speak.  You don’t talk unless I say something.”

Sae suddenly stood up, yet still facing me.  He offered a hand to help me stand up from the bench.

“Fine, then starting today we will be friends.  We can start by walking to the park and asking each other questions.”

I held onto his hand and stood up, “Deal, but why the park?”

Sae picked up his two bags as he answered me.

“I have my football.”

Once Sae wore his backpack properly, he opened up his drawstring bag to reveal what was inside.  I looked in it and saw a football, nothing else.

I then looked at him, “Is that why you came out of school even later?”

“Yeah, I was getting it from my shoe locker.” Sae said as he closed the bag up, “I wanted to get some practice in after school.”

“Sorry…I really pushed that time back for you.” I said as we began to walk.

Sae stated, “It’s fine.  I could benefit from having someone retrieve the ball.”

I playfully rolled my eyes at him, “Sounds like we don’t have to get to know each other then.”

“I was joking, I could teach you a few things.”

“Really?” I asked with excitement.

Sae nodded as we began to leave the school, “Yeah, besides.  Football is more fun with others.”

“So which park are we going to?” I asked as we finally went past the school’s front gate.

“Have you gone to Kamakura Seaside Park?” Sae asked.

I shook my head, “Nope, where is that?”

“It’s a park near the ocean and close to my neighborhood.” Sae explained, “Rin and I like to play there since it has a lot of grass.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“Really?  I swear it’s the park between our neighborhoods.  You’ll recognize it, trust me.”

“And how do you know where I live exactly?  We’ve only walked together…twice?”

“Kenzo told me, some time after that one game.”

Right, of course he did.  Kenzo was the textbook definition of an “open book”.  He couldn’t keep any piece of information about himself a secret.

I sighed, “Did my dumb brother show you an address and everything?”

Sae nodded, “He showed me the written address, a photo of the front of the house, and what it looked like on a map.”

“Wait then now did he figure out where you lived?” I asked.

“Rin accidentally told him.  I don’t blame Rin though, he didn’t know.” Sae shrugged.

“Oh I see.”

I added, “Well good news is, you have a fan.  Kenzo really looks up to you.”

“I noticed, you don’t have to tell me.”

“Do you even like Kenzo?”

“My opinion of him is indifferent, though probably not after today.” Sae said as he pushed the crosswalk button a few times.

“Why?” I was curious.

Sae simply answered, looking down at me, “Because you’re cooler than him.”

I pointed at myself, “Me?  Cooler than Kenzo?  That’s the first time I heard that.”

“Don’t let it get to your head.” Sae said as he poked my forehead.

I muttered, “Ow.  Stop doing that.”

Sae added to what he started to say, “I’m surprised.  I thought more people would think that.”

I shook my head, “No.  People tend to think Kenzo is cooler than me.  All of my family and friends think so.  I don’t blame them though.  Kenzo is fast, he does well in sports, and he is always energetic.”

“I still stand by my opinion.” Sae replied as we crossed the street.

“Even though you barely know me?”

Sae shrugged, “I don’t have to know facts about you to notice your character.  From what I see, you’re someone who thinks before they act, someone smart, and someone caring.  Kenzo may be more active and engaging with others, but I find that you’re someone with depth.  You’re  down to earth and easy to talk to.”

“Aw, you like talking to me?” I replied, trying to mask the intense happiness I felt from Sae’s words.

Though I was playing around, Sae gave me a serious answer.

“Of course.  Why else would I continue to eat lunch with you if you weren’t someone I liked being around?  You don’t make me lonely like everyone else does.”

I smiled to myself, trying to keep this feeling of pride to myself.  It was nice knowing that someone Kenzo looked up to complimented me.

“It’s nice to hear that I managed to get through to you, Sae.” I nudged him with my elbow.

Sae shifted the conversation, “So…what do you want to know about me?”

“What?” I was caught off guard by his question.  It had nothing to do with what we had talked about earlier.

“You said we weren’t friends because you didn’t know enough ‘facts’ about me.” Sae explained, “So what did you want to know?”

I thought about a few questions I could ask Sae before I began the “interview”.

I asked, “How many siblings do you have or people in your family?”

He answered as he held up four fingers, “I have four people in my family, my parents and Rin plus me.”

“What about you?” he asked in return.

“Same thing, two parents and one Kenzo plus me.” I replied.

“Are you older than Kenzo?”

I shook my head, “No, I’m younger.”

Sae looked at me with a blank stare, “You’re lying.”

“Nope, I swear I’m younger.”

“But Kenzo is so…”

“So what? Childish?  Dumb?  Careless?  I know.”

Sae shook off his confusions and tried to ignore reality.

“Okay, what about your birthday?” Sae asked.

“My birthday is (insert birthday).” I answered, “What about you?”

“October 10th.”

“Huh, cool.  You’re a libra.”

“A what?”

“Um, nevermind.  What about favorite show?” 

“Chibi Maruko Chan.” Sae answered flatly.

I was taken back at his answer, to the point where I had no response.  I’ve heard of Chibi Maruko Chan before, but it was a children’s anime.  I never expected Sae to like something so simple and ordinary.  I thought he’d like one of the more popular action animes, the kind of show with a protagonist as impressive as him.

“What?” Sae asked when he noticed my silence.

I finally looked at him, knocked out of my thoughts, “Why that?”

“The show?”

I nodded.

“It reminds me of home life, outside of football.” Sae answered.

“Oh…I see.”

“What?”

“No, that’s just a boring ass answer.  Are you sure there’s nothing else?” I remarked, “Or another show you had in mind.”

Sae scoffed, “You asked for my favorite show, not the best show.”

I shrugged, “Okay, that’s fair.  Then what about hobbies?”

“Football.”

“I mean outside of it.  Do you like anything outside of football?”

I watched Sae’s face as he thought about his answer.  Like always, he had a blank expression.  Sae always had a blank expression to him unless he was agitated or bothered.  If he was either of the latter, then he’d be glaring or frowning.  I digress, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sae express another emotion visually.  I don’t think he’s capable of smiling either.  At the two games I’ve seen so far, he never smiled at his goals.  The most he’d do was a small smirk with one corner of his lips.

Sae finally answered me, “I don’t know.”

My face scrunched at his answer, “What do you mean you don’t know.  Not a single other thing outside of football?”

He shook his head, “I’ve been playing since I was one.”

“And you never thought about exploring?”

He shook his head once more, “Why would I?  I like playing football.  The closest thing outside of it would be analyzing data on football teams or football players.”

“Wow, you seriously are boring.” I muttered.

“What are your hobbies if you’re so judgemental about mine?” Sae asked me.

I answered him, “I like to read, cook, do puzzles, journal, sing, and sew.”

“You have a lot of hobbies.” Sae remarked, “What are you going to do with all of that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You do so many things for fun.” Sae began, “Isn’t it a waste of time doing something without aim?”

“I mean not really, most of these things I do because I genuinely enjoy it.” I shrugged.

“Then what about singing?  Are you trying to become a singer?” 

I laughed at Sae, “Pfftm, what?!  No, of course not.  I’m not that good.  Besides, I just practice at home since I’m in the school’s advanced choir.”

“Why would you do something without the intention of pursuing it seriously?” Sae asked.

I simply answered, “Because I like it.  I think committing to something of no value makes the action of pursuing more meaningful.  It’s for the ‘love of the game’, so the enjoyment is more genuine.”

I asked Sae, “I mean, if you weren’t aiming to be a famous footballer, would you still play?”

Sae nodded, “I would.  I like it and I’m good at it.”

“Then you’re lucky to have something like that, where your hobbies and your future align.”

“If your hobbies are just for fun, what do you want to be in the future?” Sae asked.

“A history teacher. Something on a small scale.” I spoke.

“Why not shoot for something bigger?  Like a doctor or researcher?  You’re smart.”

I shrugged, “I don’t think a future like that is for me.”

Sae looked at me confused.  I didn’t need words from Sae to convey how he felt.  His eyebrows furrowed and his lips curled.  That was a change of expression from Sae at least.

“Don’t put yourself down like that,  You probably haven’t dreamt that big yet.” Sae insisted.

“I’ve tried. But I think I’m the kind of person who’s meant to live in the background, you know?  The kind of people that show off that a kid they grew up with got famous.  I’d be happy to show you off when you become a famous footballer by the way.  But I mean, that’s just how I feel.  I’m not drop dead gorgeous so I can’t be some model and I’m not exactly talented in anything.  I think I’m ordinary, but I think I’m fine with that.  I’ve come to terms with it.  Living in the background is quiet and I like peace.”

Sae paused to think about what to say.  All that came out of his mouth were two words.

“You’re weird.”

I tried my best to not be offended.

I said dryly, “Wow thanks.”

I looked at Sae, “I mean we’re just two different people.  We have different families, different birthdays, and definitely different hobbies.  We just have different outlooks in life you know?”

Because Sae didn’t respond and continued to look forward to walking, I decided to ask him a few questions he’d rather be answering.  I wanted to keep him engaged.

“Do you…have a favorite football player?”

Sae nodded, “Yeah.  Álvaro Recoba.”

“Cool.  I’ve never heard of him, but cool.”

Sae’s eyes widened in shock, “What do you mean you’ve never heard of him?  He’s only one of the best players out there.”

“Then tell me about it.” I replied as I looked at Sae.

“For starters, he’s left footed like me, but I like to analyze his plays.  He seriously creates rainbows on the pitch.  It was as if his kicks were beautifully curved and looping.  They fly creatively and freely, yet intentionally…”

Listening to Sae speak this time was different.  His tone was lighter and more engaging, and the pace of his speech quickened.  I could hear his happiness and passion in the way he spoke.  I watched as he used his fingers to visually draw out Álvaro Recoba’s kicks for me to see.  For once, Sae’s expression changed.  It was no longer the blank expression I was so used to seeing.  His eyes softened, and the corners of his mouth curved upward.  From what I saw, Sae’s smile could only be described as genuine and warm, something I hadn’t known was possible until now.  I guess Sae only spoke this much when he was talking about something he truly cared about.

Sae then asked me eagerly, “What about you?  Do you watch any football?”

“I don’t have a favorite player, but I like FC Barcha.” I noted, “I think the team is cool since they play fairly creatively."

“I didn’t know you watched football like that.”

“I don’t watch as seriously as you.” I poked Sae’s shoulder, “I only really support FC Barcha because my dad and brother are Re Al fans.”

“I see.” Sae replied, “Your family has good taste in teams either way.  As long as they avoid-”

“Arsenaly!”

We finished at the same time and for the first time, we saw eye to eye.

I didn’t know why, but the two of us stopped walking to laugh.  What we said was hardly funny.  In fact, I only knew what to say because the joke had been a long running one in the football community.  I could tell that I managed to get Sae to fully open up to me and I didn’t need to try as hard as I thought either.  It eventually became natural, the way we spoke to one another.  I couldn’t deny that I liked being around Sae.  Before this moment, we had a bit of a rough patch, though I think it was mainly my fault.  I had made assumptions about Sae.  I initially thought he was too good to be around me.  I also thought he was constantly cold and short tempered and defensive and hard to please.  I never would’ve thought how easy it was to get along with him and how open he would be to me.  Sure he was a bit dry to speak to, but I thought Sae was stable.  He was consistent.  I couldn’t believe I almost missed out on a good friend because of my preconceived notions.

I asked Sae, “Okay, off topic, but favorite song.”

“Oh that?  I don’t have one…” Sae began.

“What?  Not even a favorite artist?  Genre?”

“I don’t listen to a lot of music.”

“Right, because all you do is listen to football data.”

Sae nodded, “Fair enough.”

“That’s not a compliment, Sae.”

Sae looked at me, “What’s your favorite song?”

“I don’t have a favorite of all time, but I have songs I love at the moment.” I said as I went to connect my wired earbuds to my phone, “Have you heard of Suisei?  By Tofubeats.”

He shook his head, “No.”

I handed him one side of my earbud, “Here, you should take a listen.  I like the music, it’s really catchy and cute.”

Sae took the earbud I handed him and he placed it in his right ear.  With the other earbud, I placed it in my left ear.  I pressed the play button for us to listen to the song.  Sae and I continued to walk side by side, but a lot closer now to share my earbuds.  As the song continued, I felt our fingers brush against each other by accident.  Because Sae didn’t speak up about it, I didn’t say a thing.  I also watched Sae’s facial expression as we listened along.  I couldn’t tell if he enjoyed the song or not.  He was facing forwards, almost as if he was focused on walking rather than listening.  Though at certain points of the song, I noticed how his fingers tapped on the strap of his bag or how his lips slightly curved upwards to a possible smile.  

I eventually realized how strange this moment was for the both of us around halfway through the song.  I was aware that the song had some romantic implications, but I never bothered to look it up.  Additionally, what Sae and I were doing typically was an activity for couples.  I don’t know what others felt about it, but I found sharing earbuds to be something intimate and I realized way too late.  By the time I thought about it, the last few notes played and the song was over.

Sae handed me my earbud back, “It’s a catchy song, but you realize what the lyrics say right?”

I tried to hide my embarrassed flushed face from him by looking away to place my earbuds and phone back into my school bag.

“No.  I never bothered to search it up.”

Sae stated, “It’s about a girl who wants to impress their crush.”

“What?! No.  How did you get that from one listen?” I tried to change his mind.

“I heard it before and I looked up the meaning.  That’s why.  It’s a fairly memorable song.”

I replied, “Okay, well here is my request for you.  You should find your favorite song sometime and introduce me to it, okay?”

“Fine.”

“And it doesn’t need to be the best song, it just has to be your favorite.” I added, “Exactly how you feel about Chibi Maruko Chan.”

Sae nodded, “Fine, but don’t make fun of me.”

“I’ll try not to.”

I realized we finally made it to the park when I saw a large sign in view.  The sign was in the shape of an arc and was made of metal that read “Kamakura Seaside Park”.  From where I stood, I could see the grass area Sae told me about.  From afar, I noticed a familiar picnic area and the playground.  The colors and shapes of those two areas were the exact same as a park I went to growing up.  Everything appeared familiar as I walked into the park with Sae, but I didn’t know exactly why.

My eyes looked past the park’s sign and its space.  I noticed how the sky was beginning to settle to sunset.  The sky had begun as blue when Sae and I started walking, but now it was painted in shades of yellows and oranges.  I was starting to feel hesitant about playing football with Sae since I hated walking home in the dark.  Even worse, I knew that I was going to end up walking home alone.

“Do you recognize it yet?” Sae asked, snapping me out of my worried thoughts.

I replied quickly, “A bit, I recognize the playground and the picnic area over there, but it’s too far for me to know for sure.” 

I squinted my eyes to get a good look at the two areas.  

Sae explained as we walked on the park’s paved pathway, “We came in through the back entrance since it’s the best entrance to the grass area.  You probably came in through the west beach entrance if you remember the picnic place and playground.”

“I guess you might be right.”

I decided that Sae was right.  I did know the park without knowing the name.  It clicked when he described the park’s alternative entrances.  I also noticed the group of kids playing at the playground with their friends.  It reminded me of the days I spent with Akane and Chiyo after school in elementary.

Sae said, “Come on, we should hurry.  The sun is going to fully set in a few hours.  We should play until it gets dark.”

Sae gestured me to follow him off the paved pathways and onto the grass.

I exclaimed, still remaining on the pathway, “Wait what?!  Until dark?  I don’t want to walk home in the dark Sae!  Are you sure we can’t just play till sunset?”

“I’ll walk you home and walk home myself then.” Sae grumbled, “You worry and think too much!”

Sae walked back to me and grabbed my hand, forcing me to step onto the grass.  We continued to walk for a while until Sae decided to stop at a good distance in the center of the grass area.  Surprisingly, there weren’t many people around so we had the area to ourselves to play.

Sae eventually let go of my hand to walk off somewhere else.

I called out to him, “Where are you going?”

Sae didn’t answer me.  He simply set his school bag down before coming back to me to take my school bag from my shoulder.  I watched as he gently set the two bags beside each other and then took out his football from his drawstring bag.

Sae finally spoke to me, “It’s better to play carefree.  Have you seen a footballer play with a backpack on them?”

“I mean you’re right, but tell me next time.” I crossed my arms, “I thought you were going to run off.”

Sae simply ignored what I said and set the ball on to the ground.  He had made sure that we stood at a decent distance away from each other.

“First, I have to teach you how to kick.” Sae stated as he set his foot on top of the ball, “We can start by kicking the ball to each other back and forth.”

I nodded, “Okay, so is there a proper way to kick?”

Sae continued to look down at his feet, “Yeah there is, which is your dominant foot.”

I stuck my right foot out, “This one.”

“Okay.  Just watch and listen.” Sae instructed, “First you plant your non-kicking foot on the ground this far away from the ball.  Then you should lock your ankle and kick using the inside of your foot.”

Sae slowly spoke to me as he demonstrated each step.

“Now, put it all together and aim.”

Sae made the motions and kicked the ball perfectly towards me.  Sae used enough power to send the ball flying a few feet to reach me.

Sae said, “Easy enough right?  Now you try!”

I tried to recount the steps he told me to do as I prepared my kick.  I set my left foot a few inches away from the football as Sae had told me.  Then, I locked my ankle before kicking the ball, making sure to aim at the center with the inside of my foot.

The two of us watched as the ball rolled slightly and landed halfway between us.

Sae gave me a deadpan look, “What kind of a weak ass kick was that?”

I crossed my arms, “Okay in my defense, you didn’t tell me how hard to kick.”

“I’m standing right here!  Just kick to me, geez.” Sae grumbled.

I watched as Sae walked to take the ball back.  He used his feet to do some trick to spin the ball and kick it back towards his original position.

“Let’s try again.” Sae said before kicking.

Like always, his kick was perfect.  It rolled right back to me.  I knew I had to make an impressive kick before he got mad at me and refused to walk home with me.  I went through the motions again: setting the left foot, locking the ankle, and kicking with good power and aim.  The ball flew a lot better than the first time, mainly because I added more strength in the kick.

Sae shouted to me as he jogged a little to the left to receive the ball I kicked, “Better!  Try again!”

Sae kicked the ball back to me and I received it without needing to move much.  I tried the kick again and Sae received my kick well.

“Good!” Sae shouted.

I smiled to myself, happy that I was getting used to kicking.

I looked at Sae as he made his next kick.  There was something off about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Somehow, Sae noticed my observation.

“What’s wrong?” Sae asked as he kicked the ball at me.

“Huh?  It’s nothing.  I was just thinking about the kicks.” I replied, “I’m just concentrating.”

Sae replied, “I’m left footed by the way!  If that’s what you were wondering.”

I watched as Sae kicked the ball back to me again.  What he said had made sense.  That’s what I found weird about Sae’s kicks.

“Really?” I replied as I kicked the ball back to him, “Is it by choice?”

Sae ran to receive the ball I had just kicked since I didn’t aim that one very well.

“No, I’m also left handed.” Sae said as he popcorn flicked the ball to show me a trick, “I’m just a leftie.”

“That’s cool.  It’s helpful for sports right?”

Sae nodded as he kicked the ball back to me, “I would say so.  All the best footballers are left footed or ambidextrous."

“So are you ambidextrous?” I asked.

Sae shook head and said, “No.  I’m working on it though.”

“Okay Mr. Overachiever.” I joked as I sent the ball back to him.

Sae shouted, “By the way!  Don’t walk home with your brother anymore.”

“I don’t want to anyway.”

“Walk home with me instead!” Sae said as he sent the ball in my direction.

I was so stunned by his words that I had just let the ball hit my calf and roll to a stop.

Sae’s eyes widened, “Did I say something wrong?”

I realized that I had accidentally stopped our rhythm, “Huh?  Oh no.”

I kicked the ball back to Sae.

“It’s nothing.”

“Then why’d you stop?”

“Why’d you tell me something that would catch me off guard?” I asked.

“I didn’t think you’d be caught off guard.” Sae said as he kicked the ball, “It’s just a request.”

“Why do you want to walk home with me?” 

“Why shouldn’t I walk home with you?”

I received Sae’s kick and set my foot on top of the ball to think.  I couldn’t think of a reason to tell Sae.  I just found it out of the ordinary for him to request something like that.

I finally kicked the ball back to Sae, “Fine, we could walk together.  I’ll walk home on my own on days you have practice.”

“What about Akane or Chiyo or Ren?” Sae asked.

“They all live in different directions.” I said, “Only Ren and Chiyo walk home together.”

“I see.” Sae commented.

He kicked the ball to me and I received it.

Sae continued to speak, “You should come to practice and we could walk home from there.  The sun is still out even after practice ends you know.”

I gave Sae a light snicker, “I don’t think Kenzo would like that.”

“Why does Kenzo’s opinion even matter?  It’s your life.”

“It’s a respect thing.” I replied, “I want to respect his space and opinion.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Sae said as he kicked the ball.

I took the ball back, “Then what about your team mates.  They’re gonna start making fun of you and me.”

“It still doesn’t matter.”

Sae took possession of the ball and set his foot on top of it.

“You have to start living life on your own terms.”

Sae kicked the ball towards me and I took possession of the ball.

I looked at him and nodded, “Okay…then we could walk home together everyday from now on.”

“Everyday…that sounds good.”

Sae and I continued to play football together, passing it back and forth as we spoke.  I never would’ve thought that I would be seeing Sae outside of school, let alone hang out with him and having full blown conversations.  It was weird at first when I had noticed how talkative Sae could be, especially when we weren’t talking about football.  Sae was a good conversationalist, always asking questions or clarification or adding on his own experiences or stories.  So even though the sun was setting and the sky grew even darker, I didn’t want this moment to end.  I somewhat wished we could stay in this moment, kicking a football back and forth, learning about each other.

Sae looked up and realized that the park’s lamps had finally flickered on.  As soon as I sent him my kick, he set his foot on the ball.

He asked me, “One last pass?”

I thought about what he had asked me for a few seconds before answering, “No, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Sae asked for clarity sake.

I nodded, “Yeah…but I want to see a good kick from you.”

“A good kick?” Sae asked as he rolled the ball around a bit with his foot.

“I want to see that amazing shot you made at that one game.” I requested, “Just to end the night on a good note you know?”

Sae shrugged, but he agreed.

“It’s not going to be the same one, but I’ll do my best.” Sae said as he gestured to me, “You should stand next to me to watch.”

I did as he said and quickly walked to stand by his side.  I stood behind Sae, making sure to give him enough space for the kick I desperately wanted to watch.

“Ready?” Sae asked as he took a few steps back.

“I should be asking you that.” I remarked as I looked at Sae.

He looked me in the eyes, “This is called a parabola kick by the way.”

Sae suddenly jogged up to the football and kicked it with as much force as he could.  The ball flew beautifully, flying upwards and curving impressively, almost replicating the goal Sae took at that game.  My eyes then went to Sae and I realized he was looking at me.  His teal eyes softened and the corners of his lips curled upwards.  Sae was giving me one of his genuine smiles, as if I had helped him realize something.  All I could think of in the moment was capturing that smile before it disappeared.  Sae hardly smiled at anything afterall.

“So?  How was that kick?” Sae walked closer to me.

I smiled at him, “It’s just like the one I wanted to see.  It’s impressive.”

Sae suddenly patted my head before running off, “Good.  I’ll be right back.”

I turned to see Sae running off to retrieve the football that flew moments earlier.  In the distance, I saw him kicking the ball back into my direction.  Sae continued to run and kick the ball, making sure it didn’t roll away from the path he wanted it to take.  As I watched Sae return, running towards me, there was something about this moment that I didn’t want to forget.  Was it how Sae’s hair effortlessly blew in the gentle ocean wind or was it his soft smile that was somehow mesmerizing?  Was it how Sae made me feel today, even before we started playing football together?  I did feel seen and appreciated around Sae.  Whatever it was, I didn’t want to forget this moment.  I didn’t want to forget Sae.