Chapter Text
Quiet set between the two figures lounging next each other behind a table, both staring in front of them as the only noise was the one their glasses made while they kept sipping from them and then putting them back down on the light brown wooden surface. It had been like that for almost five minutes and Dongmin couldn’t deny how awkward he felt. His eyes kept wandering along the kitchen counters to the obnoxiously white fridge that had various magnets, notes and pictures of him and Hani on it. In other words, his eyes traveled anywhere but the man next to him.
Dongmin’s ears focused on the silence too much, catching the barely audible sigh that escaped Bin’s lips. The soft puff made his eyes finally travel towards the dancer, looking over his profile that he could make out in the dark (courtesy of the moonlight). The other seemed completely unaffected by the atmosphere. Or he just chose not to feel the weight of it, a small smile nesting on his face while he kept his gaze somewhere along the fridge.
“Your home is nice, I really like it.” Dongmin followed Bin’s gaze to the fridge, presuming that he was looking at the pictures just like Dongmin was a few seconds ago. “It’s very homey.”
“Thank you,” the other cleared his throat, thankful for the lack of tension in Bin’s tone. “It’s as good as it can get considering what I earn,” he hummed, eyes travelling along the lines of the wooden table and up to the ceiling where a single lamp bulb hung.
In the corner of his eye Dongmin noticed Bin shaking his head. “That’s not right, you can’t be living with the idea that you’re lacking.” A small gust of wind hit Dongmin’s cheek and he could only guess that Bin turned to look at him. “That’s not the right way to live.”
He felt Bin’s eyes on him, but there was no more tension in him in response to his gaze. His cheek didn’t burn like it usually did whenever the dancer looked at him. Maybe it was the darkness between them that made Dongmin forget the tension that he usually found in the eyes of the other that made it impossible to look away. Having forgotten the feeling, he turned towards Bin, his words words making a small laugh of Dongmin’s fade into the quiet room.
“So what, you’re telling me that you are living without thinking of how you could do better?”
The question made Bin turn silent as his eyes traveled around the face of his drinking buddy for the night, as if trying to read something off of it in the dark room. If he hadn’t seemed tense before, now Dongmin’s words definitely stirred some kind of an emotion in him, as Dongmin watched how Bin’s eyes jumped around his own features rapidly. The sight made Dongmin frown and tilt his head in sheer confusion as to why a hypothetical question made Bin so jumpy. Though, his companion took notice of that micro emotion in the other’s face and looked away, letting Dongmin’s eyes focus on his profile. He watched how Bin’s jaw tensed a couple of times and he swallowed.
“Still..”
“Still what?”
“Just.. Still.” Bin didn’t look back at Dongmin, choosing to straighten his frame in his seat instead. “You can’t really live like that or you’ll never be really happy.”
There were a lot of questions in Dongmin’s head, as that time he was the one burning holes into Bin’s skin. Where was Bin coming from? What made him pick out those words? Why did he suddenly become so depressed?
Bin cleared his troath, leaning on the table on his elbows. It was very obvious that he caught on to which direction Dongmin’s mind was heading, finding a way to disturb Dongmin’s thoughts before he finds a way to properly word what was going on in his head.
“I just mean that you should focus on the positive. Hani, for example.”
Dongmin couldn’t help but smile at the mention of the little human that occupied his heart.
“Oh, trust me, I definitely focus on her.” he laughed lightly, sipping from his glass. His eyes naturally went to look at the pictures again. If it weren’t for Hani, he would have never gotten himself out of his own comfort zone, he would have never really known what it was like to care, he would have never experienced love in it’s purest form. Dongmin also would have stayed in a one room bachelor pad, the would probably be somewhat depressed because of loneliness, he would still work in the small law firm where he made barely over the minimum wage. But his life was flipped upside down once Hani showed up in it. “A big part of what you see around us right now is because of her. A lot has happened to me because of Hani.”
“See!” Moon Bin’s loud voice cut’s through Dongmin’s calm tone and echoes in the dark apartment. Realization hits moments later and Bin smacks a hand over his mouth, eyes shooting to the entrance to the open area. Both of the men stare towards the dark hallway in silence for a couple of seconds, waiting for any noise of a door opening. Or screaming. Or both. But as nothing reached them, Bin puffs out a long breath of relief.
“I’m sorry. I forgot what time it was.” Moon Bin admits, shaking his head apologetically.
“It’s fine, she didn’t wake up anyway.” The father’s eyes linger on the arched doorway before turning to Bin to find him already looking.
Dongmin imagined that in any other case a person would get embarrassed when caught starring. But Moon Bin once again proved that Dongmin had a lot of misconceptions about people, as instead of shying away the boy smiled a contagious smile that the other couldn’t help but reflect.
“See, you don’t need that much to be happy,” with a satisfactory hum, Bin turned away. It almost seemed as if he had proven a point to Dongmin of which the later wasn’t aware.
Bin seemed to drown in the winner mindset while Dongmin played with his glass, spinning it around and watching the moonlight coming from behind them reflect off of it. For once, he felt completely himself next to Bin and once it hit him, it was both, alarming and quite nice. Nobody should really trust a person and let them into their homes after a week of acquaintance. Let alone ask them to stay for a drink. Though, Dongmin figured he wasn’t really in a state to judge his own decisions towards Moon Bin, as he did allow his one time date to meet his daughter just because he was selfish.
“I don’t know if this is weird to ask,” Moon Bin spoke up again, breaking the chain of thoughts in Dongmin’s head. “But.. How did Hani? You know..” It was the first time Dongmin heard Bin stuttering and struggling to form a sentence.
“How what?” looking at his guest, Dongmin tried to decipher what he had in mind. Though, there was a hunch.
“You know,” Bin whined. “What happened to her mum? How did she come… To be?” the man’s tone got higher with every word. It made an amusement laugh leave Dongmin’s lips before he turned away from Bin and started considering how to properly answer the question. He had never really discussed it with anyone except his parents, Jinwoo and Minhyuk. Those were the four people who actually knew everything right from the start. Why Dongmin never told about it to anyone else was determined by the fact that no one else asked him about it. They either labelled him as a single dad and left him be, some had a tendency to ask him to ‘give Ms. Lee a greeting’ from them, others swayed to more inappropriate conclusions, labelling him as a one timer who messed up and now had to deal with the consequences. Everyone had a perception of Dongmin as a father, but never cared enough to dig in further.
The view of Dongmin’s pursed lips and how his eyes moved from one counter to another made Bin more uncomfortable than he was. The man started muttering something along the lines of how Dongmin didn’t have to answer him.
He was right. Dongmin didn’t have to. He wanted to.
Maybe it was the alcohol running in his veins.
“Yes, she has a mum.” Dongmin giggles as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
The statement caught Bin’s attention, as he turned towards Dongmin in a sudden motion.
“She does?”
“Of course.”
“So where is she?”
Dongmin can only shrug at the question.
“I wouldn’t know that.”
“What?”
“What?”
Bin seemed baffled as he whined a note loudly, picking up his drink and taking a sip before resting his cheek on the cold glass, eyes still focused on the tipsy, slightly red host. Dongmin didn’t need to be a detective to figure out that Moon Bin was very confused and trying to process the information he got in the span of a few seconds and make it out into a full story.
“Then.. Where did she go?” Bin tried again, rephrasing the question.
Dongmin laughed at the petty attempt.
“I still don’t know that.”
For a moment, Bin resembled a lost puppy – his head tilted a little bit, blinking. Even though the answers were obvious to Dongmin, for some reason Bin seemed incapable to let go of the idea of a mother.
“Moon Bin, I’m not her real father, if that’s what you’re asking.”
One could have probably seen the puzzle pieces falling into place in front of Moon Bin’s eyes if they looked hard enough. His mouth slightly agape, he managed to whimper out a light ‘oh’ before nodding a couple of times – a sign of a proper understanding of the situation.
“I would have never guessed that. She’s just like you,” the dancer admitted. “I guess you raised her, so of course she’s like you. Or at least like I imagine you are. But you two even look alike, so I only ever considered… You know.”
It wasn’t the first time Dongmin received comments about how they look alike, so he could only nod. The only explanation he could find for it was that saying he heard once in law school, behind which hides the idea that after people are together for a long time and genuinely care for each other, they start becoming more and more similar. Maybe that was why nobody really questioned Dongmin’s title as a father.
“But why did you.. Adopt?”
Oh.
Dongmin did not consider the possibility of that question coming up from someone who barely has anything to do with him, despite looking after his daughter. It set triggers off in the father’s brain, and he absentmindedly turned towards Moon Bin to search for answers of his own, because if the question before wasn’t something that Bin should poke his nose at, the recent one was even more so like that.
“Why do you ask?”
Bin’s shoulders move up and down, but there’s an undeniable sparkle of curiosity mixed with something else in his eyes. Awe?
“Just.”
Biting on his tongue, that time Dongmin found himself considering whether he should give out a real answer or just lie. He could have also brushed off Bin completely, but something in his not completely right mind had him strike out that option first.
Even if his mind fried, a peek in Bin’s direction threw the tipsy man over the edge and he found himself spilling the lightest form truth.
“I was just… Very lonely,” Dongmin started, looking away from the curious pair of eyes that followed his movement. “I came to a point in my life where I wasn’t really going anywhere anymore. No studies to occupy myself with, a badly ended relationship that exed out any possibility for me to even consider dating back then, a job that had no perspective, Minhyuk found his love for teaching so we stopped hanging out, Jinwoo found his love for Myungjun so we stopped hanging out. It felt like I was going nowhere. I kept at it for a couple of years but there was just so much I could bear.” Dongmin stopped to take a breath, as he hadn’t realized that one kept getting stuck in his throat.
Bin’s eyes never moved from Dongmin. He carefully observed the lawyer, nodding here and there to remind Dongmin of his conscious listening.
“So before I turned thirty, I spoke with my parents about it. Then I informed Jinwoo and Minhyuk, too, just so they don't get shocked when I turn up with a child in my hands one day.” Dongmin stopped to look up at the ceiling as he made a funny face towards it. “Come to think of it, back then all of them thought I was losing my mind. Now they understand, but back then, I think, it was really hard for them to realize how a big part of who I was had been taken away from me because of how lonely I felt. Ever since Hani, I feel a lot brighter and happier. She brought that part of me back without realizing it and now my family sees it. Not back then, though. So much that I even hesitated to sign the final papers.”
“But you did.”
“But I did,” Dongmin nods.
“Discouraging you so much that you started considering whether your own choices are right is not really family like.” Bin spoke up, sharing his thoughts with the host.
It seemed as if Dongmin smiled to himself, as he never looked back towards Bin. But the delicate upturn of the lips was, in fact, dedicated to Bin as much as it was a reflection of how thankful Dongmin felt hearing those words coming from someone else who wasn't a part of his life back then. Feeling the other’s eyes on himself, he could only hope that the dancer caught on.
“I know. But it is their job to keep me sane.”
“Well, Hani seemed to take care of that part.” Dongmin heard a smile in Bin’s voice. “Now you seem to be completely mesmerized by her.”
“That’s ture,” Dongmin admitted, leaning against the back of the chair, eyes catching Moon Bin’s before the later turned away to gulp down some of the alcohol. “She’s the little princess of my heart, I can’t deny it.”
Bin nodded a few times, seemingly having noticed that. “It would be weird if it weren’t like that. Besides, you’re dating now, too. So things are looking up.”
Dongmin chocked on his drink and his hand struggled to collect a paper towel to wipe all bubbly liquid that dribbled (or, rather, spurted) from his mouth and accompanied Bin’s statement. Thankfully, Bin beat him to that, hands moving quickly to offer him one between his two fingers.
Eyes wide, Dongmin swallowed a lump in his throat. There were a lot of things weird about the statement ‘you are dating’. Firstly, the idea itself Dongmin was not that used to. He went out to the dates Jinwoo set him up for, but dating sounded like a constant. Almost like a commitment. And truthfully, even if Dongmin could not deny the attractiveness of his recent date, there were a lot of questions in his head about what was actually going on between him and the doctor. Secondly, Dongmin made sure not to mention any dates to Moon Bin, in hopes of keeping up a clean, caring father image.
“How did you know?”
Bin displayed a cheeky smile.
“Well.. Last time you came back home looking dazed and as if someone had collected the stars from the sky and handed them to you. This time you came back home drunk and flustered. What else could it be.” Bin’s words were not that loud, as he explained his deduction under his breath. “Besides, Minhyuk might have mentioned that you are seeing... People.”
Dongmin didn’t really understand what Bin meant with those words, as he suddenly found himself overthinking everything. Did he look like someone collected the stars? How did that feel again? Was he really that flustered? And, most importantly, (caused by the faint memory of Bin calling him hot) in what context did Bin ask Minhyuk OR Minhyuk tell Bin that Dongmin was dating... people?
But before Dongmin could ask, Bin was speaking again.
“So how’s it going?”
“What?”
“How’s it going with the person you’re dating?”
No smile offered this time, Bin only seemed genuinely curious again. It threw Dongmin off, turning him into a stuttering mess, as he wasn’t sure whether he was ready to talk about his dating life. But, just like the other times, he broke the wall he built himself right when he peeked at Bin.
“I honestly don’t even know?”
That made Bin’s eyebrows go up and hide completely under his messily styled bangs.
“You seemed very happy?”
“I don’t... I don’t know.” Dongmin slouched, his shoulders visibly dropping and his frame didn’t seem as wide anymore.
“Don’t you like them?” Bin’s torso was once again turned towards Dongmin and he leaned his cheek against his hand, resting it on the table as he quietly observed Dongmin.
“I-“ he wanted to say a simple ‘I do’ but his voice got caught in his throat. “Sort of, I guess..?”
“You have to give me more than that so I could be a proper therapist, you know,” Bin decided on a light joke, which made Dongmin giggle and straighten his frame again.
“It’s just that… I might have told him about Hani on our first meeting.” In the corner of his eye, Dongmin saw how Bin perked up, munching on his lips while waiting for answers.
“And that’s bad because..?” Bin blinked a few times.
Quickly, Dongmin turned towards Bin. “I know, right,” he nodded enthusiastically, having finally found someone to share the same views as him, since Jinwoo always schooled Dongmin and thought him not to mention his daughter during his dates. “Jinwoo says I shouldn’t say that.” He watched how Bin’s brows furrowed in confusion, a sign that to Dongmin said that Bin didn’t understand where exactly they were going. “So it just slipped that night and the guy got so uncomfortable at the mention of Hani he left.”
Bin didn’t hide how surprised he felt, a ‘what??’ falling out of his sunned lips. It only encouraged Dongmin to rant further, as he turned to face Bin.
“And then he called me a couple of days ago to go to lunch, but I didn’t have where to leave Hani. So when I mentioned rescheduling, he just said to bring her along. But during lunch he either ignored her or kept trying to bribe her to go to play in the playground and leave us alone. Tonight, he didn’t even mention her once.” His thoughts were scattered but (as far as he could tell from Bin’s expressions), the other understood. “And Hani doesn’t exactly like him either. Everything is just a mess and I am not sure of what to do.”
“That’s not right.” It didn’t even take a second for Bin to respond to Dongmin’s story.
Dongmin stared at Bin, waiting for a further explanation of his line of thought. Though, he couldn’t help but feel a hurricane of emotions at the moment, all of which revolved around how thankful and how nice he felt having finally had the chance to talk it out with someone other than himself. Especially since the other seemed to be voicing the mindset that lingered in the back of Dongmin’s head – the one he kept denying because of desperation.
Bin chose to finish his drink before speaking up again, silky calmness was lacing through his voice.
“If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t have asked you out again,” the dancer pointed out. Though, Dongmin had a feeling of where that sentence was going. “But that’s the point. He only wants you, not Hani. Otherwise he would have payed attention to her. And not ran off when he first heard of her.”
Dongmin sighs audibly, the sound sinking into the walls, realizing that all of his drunk had long vanished.
“I’m not sure what his mindset is.”
“I am.” Bin does not hesitate. “He seems to fail to consider the idea that he can not peel you away from Hani and sweep her under a rug. That is not how it works. She is your daughter. The biggest part of your life, right?” Bin stopped, waiting for a nod of an approval from Dongmin. “And if he doesn’t realize that, maybe he is not that great and even more so - not worth your time.”
It is silent again, as Bin keeps murmuring something under his breath, keeping a frown on. Dongmin took those precious, silent seconds to just stare at him, as his stomach twisted and turned, forming an undeniably satisfying feeling inside of him – the feeling he recognized as the same one that washed over him whenever he came home to find Bin and Hani in domestic situations. It was the same, completely warm and pleasurable feeling. And, for once, Dongmin did not brush it off and did not fight it back. And right then was the first time Dongmin really took Bin in, eyes travelling along features that seemed almost heavenly as they reflected the vague moonlight. It only made the butterflies worse.
“Besides, who in the world would not like Hani. That guy is a bad one, I’m telling you.”
More butterflies.
Dongmin very honestly could not understand where the sudden feelings were coming from; it was hard to pinpoint whether he was simply thankful for Bin’s consideration or if those were feelings threatening to emerge.
“Maybe,” Dongmin huffs out from beneath his breath.
“I should take you out some time, show you what a real date should look like.”
At first, Dongmin thought that it was just his imagination making Bin’s lips move and words form accordingly. Though the more he stared at Bin’s lips, the more he noticed that he was completely frozen, borderline terrified of whatever he had said. Or, more likely, the reaction he could receive from the strict, tense and already taken (sort of) father.
“I... You... What?”
Bin stayed quiet and Dongin could hear his brain working to consider what options he had. In the situation Bin had nothing to do but to either own up to the words he so easily said himself or reveal that he was just messing with Dongmin.
“Take you out on a date. I should do that.”
“And what makes you think that I’d agree?”
“Well, for starters, I liked Hani before I considered liking you, so..” Bin shrugged, a sudden dorky smile brightening his features.
It stirred the warmth in Dongmin again and his eyes dropped somewhere along Bin’s hoodie, laughing shyly at Bin’s confidence. There was something so natural about the way Bin spoke to him and the comfort he felt from the dancer’s presence that made it impossible for the father to even try to say no to Bin's vague offer.
“Shouldn't you tell me something about yourself first?” Dongmin hummed, turning away from Bin. But despite him trying to act lukewarm, Bin didn’t miss the absence of a ‘no’ and perked up at the playfulness he received from the other.
“Isn’t that what dates are for?” Bin grinned, giving an answer as sly as Dongmin's.
Th host had to resist the urge to smack Bin for his smart mouth.
Being with Bin that night felt like nothing else; so much that Dongmin, the tense, workaholic, loving father Dongmin, fell asleep completely relaxed as his cheeks hurt from smiling. He was undeniably, out-of-his-mind happy.