Chapter Text
«Where am I going?»
My eyes have been open and fixed on that half-fallen star for an hour. I think if I keep looking at it, it's finally going to fall completely. Maybe it'll fall on my face, that would be funny.
I wonder what Kris is doing. Probably sleeping or something like that.
The last thing they told me was that they had spent the afternoon with that fucking purple lizard and now they were going to sleep. I know it's a normal thing for them and that they've been doing that for over half a year now. Even Toriel is already preparing the monthly grocery shopping thinking about feeding five people instead of four.
But fuck, how does Kris expect me not to fill my head with crazy ideas when they drop on me out of nowhere that they're going to sleep with her?
I know it's nothing, they would never replace me for that scaly creature...
We've been dating for just one day and I already want to strangle them.
If I keep looking at that star I won't be able to sleep.
I toss and turn in bed to end up on my side, looking directly at the alarm clock mom bought me a year ago.
It's three AM sharp, what a lovely coincidence, everything horrible happens at this hour. At least tomorrow is Sunday... well, today is Sunday.
I try to pull the blanket covering me, but it's too short to cover me completely. Did mom leave the air conditioning on?
No, she doesn't usually forget those things.
I resolve to simply curl up more against the blanket.
I really want to sleep. Today was a simply beautiful day, and yesterday even more so. I don't want today to be one of those nights, although I think it already is.
Well, if it already is anyway, let's do it right, shall we?
What is it that I do on these nights? I usually review the things I did during the day, but I only do that when I had a bad day.
I haven't fought with mom or with anyone recently to be thinking about that.
By the Angel, even at having shitty nights I'm bad. No, I've had too many already. Come on, December, you can have a good shitty night...
That's it! Self-pity.
That doesn't tell me anything.
Maybe I should go back to simply looking at the half-fallen star, thinking about Kris's brown hair and ways to kill lizards.
Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.
I toss and turn in bed to end up flat on my back, looking directly at the ceiling and being able to notice how the star has detached a little more.
With every second I look at it, it detaches a little more. I think it's going to fall on my face.
Seconds pass and pass, and that fucking star has simply stayed still. And now it's colder than before.
Why the hell is it so cold? If this room is supposed to be the warmest in this house.
I sit up in bed and try to reach for a sweater that Elly forgot in my room last week. But when I grab it and look up, I see the window wide open, with one of a tree's branches testing the idea of getting into my room.
Who left my window open? Elly was all day with Catty's sister, mom wouldn't do something like that and dad...
I look at the doorframe for a minute before giving up on the idea of standing up to close the window. It's too cold to get out of bed.
One of my horns brushed the wood of my headboard when I lie down on it. And back to looking at the star.
Seconds pass and I finally decide to close my eyes for more than a minute.
I try to think about what I'll do tomorrow, maybe go out with Elly, or we could go out the four of us. Yeah, that would be better.
I could say I woke up on my own very early, like an early bird, but that would be a lie. Elly woke me up.
Apparently last week I promised to take her to the mall today, because she wanted to buy a new antler accessory she saw on social media.
I don't know why she has a huge obsession with those kinds of accessories, I prefer carving drawings into my antlers, they give them great style. And every year it changes to something new during the months of April and May, when my antlers shed and grow back.
«Alright, go ask mom for some bus money, because I don't have any spare change» I tell Noelle while leaning against the front doorframe. She didn't even want to wait until after lunch. As soon as I finished eating breakfast, she was already ready to run out.
At least I had time to invite Azzy and Kris, although they will join later. Because «they have to spend time with Susie» That's bullshit, they already spent yesterday afternoon and night together... they better not have slept together too, because if so I'm really gonna lose it.
—It's not necessary, mom lent me the car. Of course, you drive —exclaimed the doe while holding up the keys to the family truck, almost like they were a trophy. Did mom seriously lend it to her!?
Ever since I got my license she hasn't even let me look at it. But sure, she goes and it gets thrown at her.
At least this means we won't go on public transit. With a sweep of my hand I snatch the key from her. «Perfect. Now let me move, Azzy is surely waiting for us already,» my voice comes out accompanied by the wood of the door creaking as I open it. The thud of the gravel crunching beneath me doubles when Elly follows me outside.
It doesn't take long for us to get into the truck and for its noise to fill the silence. —And Kris? Are they coming? —The excitement in the doe's voice, combined with the dumbest and most innocent expression I have ever seen in my life, are enough to lighten my annoyance.
«No, they're spending the afternoon with that stupid pur-
—Susie is not stupid, and call her by her name! —Noelle's outburst interrupts me mid-sentence. I stare at her for a couple of seconds.
What the hell does she see in that lizard?
I mean, yeah, she's a little cool and I guess attractive?
But she really must like her to react like that.
I guess I'll try to call her by her name in front of Noelle. «They'll join us later, because they went to lie down with Susie! Faha» I think a bit of my spit landed on Noelle's face, because she looks at me sooo annoyed for a couple of seconds.
—I get it now, you're jealous of her. —I turn my head to stare at her, only to meet the biggest smug smile in the world. Makes me want to rip off her antlers and hit her with them.
I'm not jealous of Barney the dinosaur, well, maybe a little. But that's not the point of all this.
«Shut the fuck up and connect your phone to the car. Put on something good» I quickly start the car, feeling the vibrations increase due to the gravel, and how they stop when we move to the pavement of the street. «And no, Noelle, you can't put on Christmas music.»
Somehow Noelle managed to put on Christmas carols. And I only realized when she and Azzy started singing. I swear to you I had to stop myself from swerving the steering wheel and driving the truck off a cliff.
In the end we made it to the Ebott mall, and it didn't take us more than ten minutes to find parking. That's already an achievement.
I feel like every time I come here, this place is bigger and bigger. Ever since I was ten years old dad has been bringing us here shopping, and for a year now it's been with mom.
Even though I've almost tripled my size since then, this whole place seems huge to me.
—So, where are we going first? —Azzy's voice pulls me from my thoughts. He and Noelle are walking half a meter ahead of me, talking to each other.
—Well, I wanted to buy an antler extension. I think they sell them in one of the shops on the first floor.
I'm just going to limit myself to following them. I'm too tired to participate in whatever they're talking about. When we cross the automatic sliding doors at the mall entrance, the coldness of the place hits me. It's not even that hot outside to have the damn North Pole in here. Surely Azzy and Elly are delighted with this cold.
I can see them walking so happily while I have to stop for a moment, bracing myself for this. «How about we go eat lunch first?» Both of them turn to look at me when I speak. I can see them thinking about it for half a second before flatly rejecting the idea. I let out a huff as I follow them.
We walk through half a floor before finding the accessory shop for herbivore monsters. While the wonder duo searches for the fake antlers Noelle wants, I take advantage of the time and start browsing the clothes they sell. I spend around five minutes comparing two military jackets.
One is blue, I think intended for water camouflage... is that even possible, or necessary?
The other one is normal, I like it. I'll take both, mom's card pays anyway, but I want to find out if I'll wear the blue one first or the normal one. I like the blue one, but I don't know if Kris will think I look good in it...
By the way, they still haven't let me know if they're coming or not.
I sent them twenty messages to confirm if they were coming in the end or if they were going to stay at their house, alone with the scaly creature.
And to no one's surprise, by the time I check my phone there will only be one message from them confirming that they're not coming.
A part of me wants to run to the car and drive straight to Hometown to crash into the Dreemurr house.
Mmh? I got another message.
"I'm on my way"
"Dad's driving me"
I almost jump for joy in the middle of the shop. I swear by the Angel that I haven't smiled like this all day.
"I'm coming with Susie"
Do they sell metal bats in this shop?
Maybe I should take advantage of the time and look for some shop that actually sells them.
Hey, I could even start practicing with the wonder duo coming toward me.
By the Angel, they look like Jehovah's Witnesses just by the way they're smiling at me. Anyone would think they're about to sell me something.
—Look, Dess! Don't they look cool!? —She points her fingers at her antlers and... do they look the same? I mean, does the tip look browner?
It's clear there's a difference, but I don't notice it.
«Uhh, yeah, sure» Only the Angel knows why she got the urge to get antler extensions. I'd understand if someone in the family used them, but not even dad in his college days wore something like that.
Let's see, having big antlers is supposed to be more attractive. Sexier or some stupid thing like that.
But why would anyone want to look sexier? And especially Elly. She's so sweet and cute, she doesn't need that.
«By the way, Kris is coming, your father is bringing them, Azzy» The goat limits himself to nodding, although his smile grows wider.
«And they're coming with Susie.» And now the one with the goofy smile is my sister. I can almost read her mind, probably wondering if the extensions look good on her or if she should run to the bathroom to hide.
And Azzy... does he look happy? What the fuck, I thought he disliked the lizard too.
Whatever, I don't need his approval to hate someone.
—Don't worry, Elly, it'll surely take them quite a while to get here —Azzy's words don't seem to be very helpful, because Elly excuses herself to go to the bathroom, not without first taking off the fake antlers and handing them to the goat.
We both watch her walk out of the shop, her hooves clattering in the distance; I shift my gaze to the goat in front of me.
Shortly after, he returns my gaze and... there's only silence.
Not even an awkward gesture, I simply can't think of anything to say, and it seems he can't either.
A week ago, I'm not lying, three days ago I could simply drop an old-man-voice joke about teenagers in love and we'd both crack up laughing. Maybe then he'd respond with the same bad impression of an old man with something even dumber.
Why is it so hard now to think of a dumb joke.
Maybe I should let him start the conversation.
—Uuuh, Dess... w-what do you think of Ebott University? My parents and I plan to tour it to see how it is. But you know, it'd be better... if you came. —Azzy brings his hands together and starts twiddling his thumbs. His voice faded with every word and it's... it would be very cute, almost like when we were kids, if only the conversation weren't about stupid Ebott University.
I'd like to throw the military jackets at them and run away. Or scream at him that I don't want to spend the whole day following his furry ass around a college campus.
«Sure, Azzy, how about next week?»
But the opportunity to spend time with my best friend is not wasted. At least not now.
I could swear his face shines as bright as the snow sometimes, when he gets excited, just like right now.
—Seriously! I mean, cool, whatever.
«Fahaha» —a laugh escapes me before he can continue. It's... good that things remain the same. I wish everything did.
—On Sunday? —I limit myself to nodding while trying to compose myself, noticing in the process that a group of bird monsters was staring at me.
«Okay, nerd!» —I emphasize with all the intention in the world his favorite nickname, and get a smile before he rolls his eyes.
«Hey, I'm going to pay for these things and then I'll go look for Elly. In the meantime, go up to the top floor and find a good place to eat» And with that I get out of the situation much better than I entered it.
I should study something like public relations, I'm excellent at this. Could anyone else fuck your younger sibling and still be your best friend as if nothing happened? I'm amazing...
Better not dwell too much on that.
While Azzy walks where Noelle just did to leave the shop, I head to the register.
I haven't even looked at the price of the things, but it's surely not much.
As soon as I pay for everything, I rip off the tag from the blue jacket and put it on before leaving the shop. The warmth it produces is so nice; I could go sit down somewhere and fall asleep just with this.
But first I have to go find Elly.
In the end Noelle did need to use the bathroom, who would've thought. As soon as she finished drying her hands on one of those air-blowing things, we began our grand journey to find the place Azzy chose.
As soon as we went up to the third floor, we saw him absorbed in his phone, sitting at one of the tables in front of KFV.
It wasn't very hard to guess, his whole family loves fried vegetables.
But he isn't alone.
«You guys sure got here fast» —my comment made Elly notice the purple dinosaur next to Asriel, because she froze, staring at her for several seconds.
«You know, in the end I bought the extensions. In case, you know, you want to put them on» I try not to push her too much. I'm not in the mood to chase her around so she doesn't hide in the bathrooms.
Her nose turns a slight red as she nods, without even taking her eyes off. I take the extensions out of the jacket pocket and start fitting them onto the tips of her antlers, because they're already pretty big as it is.
When I finish, she looks at me.
—I... do you think they look okay?
«I think you always look gorgeous, Elly. Now go and don't ruin it»
That seemed to work, because now she's looking way too much at the table where the guys are chatting.
We start walking toward them and, looking at her out of the corner of my eye, I can notice her excitement to see Susie. She's so adorable.
I don't like Susie, I think she's a stupid lizard who spent her first semester here picking on Kris. Who has stuck way too close to them and it annoys me that they spend so much time together.
If I could choose, I'd smash her skull in with my bat.
But, I can't believe I'm going to say this, if she and Elly end up together, it wouldn't be bad.
Elly probably deserves better, but she's too in love for me to get in the way.
Mmh?
Before we reached the table, or before any of the trio sitting there noticed us, Susie and Asriel stood up and left.
I'd laugh at Noelle if I didn't hear how she let out the sigh of greatest relief I've heard in a good while.
—I-I'll... go follow them, they're surely going to order the food. You go with Kris. —Noelle accompanies her words with little nudges of her elbow to my side. And while she dashes off behind Susie, I go see my Krismas.
«Krismas! How's this casanova doing?»
They turned around immediately upon hearing my voice, with a giant, huge, glowing smile. I have them in the palm of my hand... maybe I'm exaggerating.
"Casanova?"
«Hey, it fits you. You have me here and you spent the whole night with the dinosaur» I try to smile to somewhat disguise the annoyance in the sarcasm of my voice.
"Is that jealousy I hear?"
How obvious am I? Doesn't matter, I give them a little kick with my hoof on their knee before sitting down at the table. They look so adorable with their little smug smile. Makes me want to bite their face, tear it off, and chew on it for hours and hours until forming a paste to spit on them.
«Hey, you know me. What do you think?» I rest my face on both of my hands, staring at them while I let the background noise dissolve into the silence between us. I really like counting the freckles spilling over their face. I don't always get the chance to do it, and I could spend a whole lifetime counting them.
Maybe there are only eight, but if you apply imagination, they can also be infinite.
I love that the little dark circles that have formed across their eyes have been slowly disappearing over the last year. I love how their brown hair has small black strands that blend together until they vanish, or how some look golden under the sun coming from above.
I love the light blush that slowly gains ground on their face. Growing from the base of their neck to surround and cover their freckles.
One by one.
"Are you going to spend the whole afternoon staring at me?"
«I don't know. Is there anything better I could do?»
It seems they have something in mind, because they shift in their chair for a second before holding still.
"Look, Asriel grew wings and became a god."
Kris raised their hand to point at nothing, and I looked. It took me a single second to process the stupid thing they said, but by then their hand had already cupped the side of my face, guiding it toward them.
I can feel their small lips pressing against mine in an indescribable kiss.
I can feel how some parts are dry while others are the softest thing I've ever touched. Their free hand rests on my shoulder, probably looking for balance.
They take advantage of the fact that I take a moment to react to pull away.
"How was-?"
My right hand goes up at full speed to wrap around their head and grab their hair. Quickly I pull them close until our noses brush, and my lips meet theirs.
Eagerly, my tongue pushes against the opening of their lips, begging them to open them, and they finally do.
The heat running through my whole body when their lips finally yield and my tongue hits theirs, so warm, is overwhelming. I can hear a small gasp of surprise come out of them, and it's more than enough to prompt me to continue.
My tongue starts exploring the inside of their mouth, delighting when theirs follows it.
When a moan of pleasure escapes me, I finally confirm that all this is real. That it's not just another wet dream I won't wake up from depressed, cursing the world for depriving me of the only thing I crave, because I finally have it.
A string of saliva still connects us when our mouths separate a few millimeters.
I feel their breath coming out of their mouth. Their heavy breathing, just like mine, serves to feed my ego. I can feel my lips curling into a cocky smile and my eyes don't break away from theirs.
«What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?» A low laugh escapes me, a laugh that freezes when they smile.
It's a shy, small, trembling smile. It screams that they love me, that they're willing to follow me until the end of time. It's a perfect smile, and it's just for me.
—Asriel and Noelle will bring the food. —The scaly creature's growl, and her act of slamming the table when she sits right in front of me, interrupts us.
I swear I'd throw the chair I'm sitting on at her if she weren't Elly's crush.
To hell with it, she's been asking for it all day.
I try to get up only to feel a small tug on my sleeve. I look down to find Kris looking at me with those puppy-dog eyes and I... simply sit down.
I let out a huff and turn my head so I don't have to look at the fucking lizard head-on. I scan the mall food court, noticing that there are quite a few people looking at us. Probably perverts or something like that. We surely gave them a fantastic show.
Or so I'd say if all eyes weren't fixed on me. I feel my pants to check for my wallet when I see an old lady approach a security guard. Maybe I should show my ID.
—We can't leave you two alone for a second, huh? —The teenager's voice interrupts my silence, causing me to look at her.
And this is more than enough to confirm my suspicions. This fucking lizard is in love with Kris. From here I can smell the jealousy she feels toward me and Kris. Why else would she react like that?
The urge to mock her, to rub it in that I get the human, that I won, is immense. But I don't do it.
Not just for Kris, but because I feel pity. Just think about it, this poor lizard having to compete with all this, and losing even before starting to compete.
My smile reappears on my face, this time more understanding and kind, although some could describe it as mocking.
«Don't worry, we'll have plenty more time alone» My left hand lowers slowly until resting on Kris's thigh. I massage gently over it, enjoying the warmth their small body emits and how their jeans do nothing to hide it.
It doesn't take long for Susie to show her teeth and place both hands on the table.
It's obvious she's going to stand up, and I'm eager to see her try.
—We brought pizza —Noelle's excited voice, coming from behind us, interrupts us.
My hand moves away from Kris's thigh to receive the box with the pizza Noelle offered me.
Azzy appears behind her, with a more serious expression. Even annoyed, I'd say. Probably the pizza turned out way more expensive or something like that.
—Kris, sit with Susie. Me, Dess, and Noelle will eat vegan pizza —Azzy said as he left a pizza full of vegetables in front of me.
—We brought a meat-lovers one for you and Susie —Noelle exclaimed, sitting at the head of the table, right next to the scaly creature.
I want to complain that it's not necessary, but the look Azzy directed at me is more than enough for it to be better, at least for now, to just accept it.
They don't take long to obey their brother, not without first leaning in to kiss my cheek.
I could swear I'm red, or that at least my nose is. On occasions like this I thank dad for handing down his brown fur to me.
Quickly Azzy takes the spot where Kris was sitting. Everyone starts moving to grab a slice.
The car wobbles when we drive over a pothole, which means we're getting close to home. And it was more than enough to wake me up from the nap I was taking.
Opening my eyes, I notice the purple figure sitting in front of me, chatting with the driver, who has grayish horns. Probably Azzy.
I was so tired after spending the whole afternoon walking around the mall that I handed the keys to him.
I look to my left and see Noelle listening to music, looking out the window. None of that matters when I look down and see Kris.
They're sleeping, their mouth is slightly open and a little river of drool is dampening my shoulder. But none of that matters because they're completely laying against my side.
They're so beautiful. I spend minutes simply staring at them.
It even takes me a while to notice they were wearing earphones, well, one, the other end of Noelle's. I wonder what they're listening to.
It doesn't matter, just seeing them, a wave of peace washes over me.
I feel, for the first time in a long time, that somehow everything will be okay.
I'm going home.