Chapter Text
To understand something, one must study the topic well. Ryo was an NCTzen (still and forever would be an NCTzen, of course!), but he wanted to know more and to see from the lens of NCT Wish’s fans. There were a few things that he never really looked at, from the beginning of his days as an NCT fan until now.
Like fanfiction and ship edits. He often watched fan edits on TikTok and occasionally enjoyed looking at fan art. He knew there were fanfictions, but he never tried reading them, nor had he actively looked at the ship edits or searched for the tags. Ryo thought some things were better left undiscovered by the artists, but now he was curious. Curiosity kills the cat, but Ryo was a baby seal, so it should be fine, right?
His first step into fanfiction began at the site he found while looking up Onri on social media with his burner account. His search didn’t bear immediate results. Not because he couldn’t find what he was looking for. It was because he was distracted by the sheer amount of material being posted online. Clips of scenes that Ryo always thought were just normal, a part of their daily life, but apparently they didn’t escape their fans’ hawk-like eyes. He must have been desensitized from living with Sion and Riku for some time.
They were all very close. By now, Ryo wouldn’t hesitate to call his team members family. Riku especially always felt like the older brother he never knew he wanted, and he was always grateful for Riku’s love.
But Ryo supposed to the average person, the bond they had was unusual. After all, even if he felt the familial bond, they were still not blood-related, and aside from Yushi and Sion, they had only known each other for no more than five years.
Hence, fans found it strange how close some of them could be. Close enough to feel each other’s chest or tummy. Ryo didn’t realize he was holding his breath as he watched the clip of Riku rubbing Sion’s chest. What the fuck was that?
Was it a matter of perspective? Maybe it was just the camera angle and lighting making the scene look weirdly intimate, as if the viewers were intruding on a married couple on their wedding night?
He wanted to ask them so badly. If he were to ask Sion-hyung and Riku-hyung if they loved each other, of course both of them would likely say ‘yes’. But how was Ryo supposed to ask if the love they felt wasn’t just affection between friends or brothers, but something similar to a couple? Could he even ask something so personal?
Riku probably wouldn’t get mad. Sion might just laugh. They were both too kind to be genuinely mad or upset at him. Ryo knew that he could always trust Riku and Sion to be his safe space. It suddenly occurred to him that he wasn’t sure if he could be the person someone could call a safe space. If those two were dating, would they trust him with their secret? Would they ever come to him for advice?
Ryo put down his phone. This bothered him more than anything. He hugged his knees and thought deeply.
Sakuya entered the room with a towel over his head, having just finished his shower. His steps halted midway to his bed and he looked at Ryo with curious eyes. “What’s wrong with you? Were you crying?”
Ryo frowned. “I’m not. Why do you think I was crying?”
“Your face. You look like you’re holding back tears.”
“I’m not!”
Sakuya changed from the pajamas he had just put on into a different shirt. “Alright, get your pants on. We’re going out.”
“Why?”
“I need ice cream and you’re coming with me to the convenience store.”
“Just go on your own.”
Sakuya pulled his wallet out and showed one of the ‘Birthday Wish’ coupons Ryo had given him for his birthday last year. Ryo felt a little stunned. Was Sakuya walking around with his birthday coupon all this time?
“Should I use this? You said you’d do anything, right?” Sakuya asked.
“Fine... you don’t need to use that for a quick run to the convenience store,” Ryo said and finally got up to get dressed. “Don’t waste my precious birthday gift on this!”
A near-midnight trip to the convenience store could be just a simple chore to others. For them, it was almost a mission. They had to get the manager’s permission to go anywhere and even with permission, they still had to sneak around to avoid the unrelenting, obsessive fans who were out there watching their every move. Sakuya must really crave that ice cream if he was this desperate to go out instead of ordering, and insisting that Ryo come with him.
In the end, they didn’t even buy ice cream at the convenience store.
They walked out of 7E with a bag of potato chips and sugar-free drinks because once they arrived, Ryo remembered that Sakuya had just gone to the dentist three days earlier for cavities, and he had to stop him from further rotting his teeth. Sakuya then insisted that the ice cream was for Riku, but Ryo had to threaten him into calling Riku on the spot.
“We shouldn’t have gone all the way here, there were still tons of Jagarico at home,” Ryo sighed as they walked back home.
Sakuya shrugged. “Yeah, but isn’t it nice to breathe the fresh air outside sometimes?”
Ryo stopped in his tracks. He looked at Sakuya. “Did you just use the ice cream as an excuse to get me out here?”
Sakuya’s expression remained constant. “You were clearly stressed.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Ryo denied, though his heart softened. He smiled. “What, are you trying to act like an older brother now? You’re younger than me.”
“By three months, and I’m taller than you,” Sakuya said. There was a slight curve up on his lips. “Well, I got you smiling now, didn’t I?”
Ryo laughed. “Stop acting so grown up, you’re not Sion-hyung.”
“Do I need to be Sion-hyung to hear your worries?”
Oh.
Sakuya was right. He didn’t need to be Sion or Riku. In the first place, what was he upset about? Wasn’t it because he thought he wasn’t reliable enough, wasn’t mature enough, or wasn’t dependable like the two oldest members? Sure, Ryo wasn’t at the same level as them. Sion and Riku had been living on this planet longer than he did, and Riku had even worked various part-time jobs before becoming an idol.
But that didn’t mean that Ryo couldn’t make them feel happy in his own way. He probably could never comfort others the same way those two did. He could never help in the way Jaehee, Yushi, or Sakuya did either. But just like how Sakuya didn’t need to be Sion to make Ryo feel safe, Ryo didn’t need to be like anyone or act like anyone. Ryo should just be Ryo.
“You’re so cool, Sakuya,” Ryo laughed again.
Sakuya crossed his arms and made a funny face. “Did you just realize that now?”
“Stop it, you might have stalkers filming you with that funny face,” Ryo giggled and playfully hit his arms. They continued walking together and Ryo sighed. “If I were a girl, I think I would have fallen so deeply in love with you.”
The sound of Sakuya choking on his drink at the side startled him.
“Eww eww, don’t spit like that!” Ryo said and smacked his back. “What’s wrong with you?”
Sakuya wiped his mouth. “What did you just say?”
Ryo rolled his eyes. “I’ll take back whatever I just said earlier, I don’t know why I said that.”
“T-take back… ” Sakuya muttered and looked down. “Don’t say something if you don’t mean it.”
Honestly, Ryo had no idea why he just said that either. It was a common question during interviews that members were often asked (Ryo remembered very clearly the number of times Sion and Riku repeatedly said they would date each other. Though, Riku seemed more enthusiastic about the prospect of becoming Sion’s girlfriend or wife).
“Well, it’s not like I said it carelessly. Things could have been different if our circumstances were different,” Ryo said.
“... Like?” Sakuya asked.
“Like… if we were not idols. If we met as just Sakuya and Ryo. Maybe in high school or university, just normal students,” Ryo wondered.
Sakuya crept a bit closer to him. He was holding the drink can so tightly that it was about to get dented. Ryo glanced around. Why did Sakuya look so nervous, were they being followed? Or did he want to use the toilet?
“It’s not like we… idols can’t date. We just can’t get discovered,” Sakuya said.
“The risk is too high. Just look at what happened to our seniors,” Ryo said.
Sakuya slowly took another gulp of his drink. “I’m just saying. Imagine if you and I… date. I don’t think people will know.”
Ryo frowned. If members of the same group dated, it probably wouldn’t look too obvious. There was no need to sneak out for dates. They were already living together, and any closeness wouldn’t be weird. Any skinship could just be brushed off as fanservice. It might be a bit weird if there were fights, but even friends fight, right?
Ryo hummed. “Well. What do you think about two men together, then?”
Sakuya’s ears turned absolutely red. He cleared his throat. “If two people love each other, isn’t that enough?”
Ryo nodded. “I think you’re right.”
Sakuya’s eyes widened. “Then-”
“Do you think Sion-hyung and Riku-hyung are dating?”
Sakuya dropped his drink.
The liquid splattered all over the pavement and into the drain.