Chapter Text
“Hey Ry, you look nice today!”
The voice abruptly broke through his thoughts. The voice that sounded like…
Brendon?
It couldn’t be. I mean, the voice was identical to Brendon’s angelic voice, the voice that he just couldn’t get enough of. But that couldn’t be Brendon. He never gave him compliments, ever. Not like he was an asshole or anything, they just weren’t the kind of people to. He must have imagined it.
He sighed and continued walking. Although he never thought it really was Brendon, he had latched onto the hope of it, and was now quite disappointed that it wasn’t real.
“RYAN!!”
Okay, now that was real.
Ryan looked up to see that he had just about run into Brendon.
“ Uh, sorry Bren. I didn’t hear you.” Ryan stumbled back slightly, as to not actually run into Brendon.
“I said you look nice today!” Brendon beamed.
So he didn’t imagine it. But now he has no clue how to respond. He ends up standing there wordlessly, staring like an idiot until his brain catches up with the situation.
Brendon quirks an eyebrow at him, the smile leaving his features and quickly being replaced with confusion.
After an embarrassing amount of time, Ryan finally speaks up.
“O-oh! Thanks Bren!” He stuttered, a huge grin spreading across his face.
Seeing this, Brendon starts grinning as well. “ Geez, if I knew it would make you smile that much, I’d compliment you much more often.”
At this, Ryan grew a deep shade of red, still grinning. “Oh shut up.” He said, giggling.
“Oh Ryan, I’ve been meaning to tell you how I find your laugh just adorable! And those eyes.” Brendon teased, in a mock-sultry voice.
Even though the last two comments were just for show, just a tease, it still made Ryan blush harder. It gave him a glint of hope that Brendon could possibly be into him. Or at least not recoil at the very sight of his face.
But Brendon wasn’t gay. His family was like, super Mormon.
And Ryan wasn’t gay either.
He was just confused.
Probably.
“C’mon, Ry. We’re gonna be late for class. I’ll compliment you more later.” Brendon winked and nudged Ryan, signalling for him to move.
‘I’ll compliment you more later’??
Winking?!
Oh my god, Ryan was so done for.
====================
The rest of the day was a blur. Ryan sadly had no classes with Brendon this semester, and their lunch period didn’t match up either. He didn’t really know anyone other than Brendon, Spencer, and Jon, and he wasn’t even that great of friends with the last two.
Essentially, Ryan was lonely and bored, which gave his mind some time to wander. And who better to think about than Brendon?
And oh my god, Brendon.
He couldn’t get the whole complimenting thing from earlier out of his head. I mean, Brendon was obviously joking, right? He knew that there was no shot in hell that Brendon actually liked him, so there was no point in dwelling on the topic.
But alas, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about all the ‘what ifs’.
Like, what if, somehow, someway, Brendon actually did like him
And then what if Brendon tells him he likes him, and asks if Ryan wants to be his boyfriend, and obviously Ryan says yes, and then they kiss, and—
Holy crap this is getting to a new level of pathetic, even for Ryan.
He needs some sort of distraction, because clearly the calculus class he’s supposed to be listening to wasn’t doing the trick.
As if sensing his thoughts, the kid on his right nudged him and passed him a note. Ryan looked at him funny, not sure why a kid he didn’t even know was passing him a note. Asking for calculus answers? God he hopes not, Ryan was the worst person for that.
The kid shrugged and mouthed something along the lines of ‘It’s from him’.
Or maybe ‘shit kicks grins’.
Ryan wasn’t the best at lip reading.
‘Wanna hang out @ Dennys later? bren + spence just invited us’
Ah, so the ‘him’ that kid was referring to was Jon.
He glanced over at Jon, to see him already looking, awaiting an answer.
Ryan gave a small thumbs up, to which Jon returned.
Now Ryan had a distraction from thinking about Brendon. Actually seeing Brendon.
Okay, maybe not much of a distraction.
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Dure to Ryan’s well-known lack of driving ability, Brendon had asked if he wanted a ride to Denny’s, which Ryan had gladly accepted.
That is why Ryan is now trudging through the gross mix of rain, hail, and snow that is currently attacking them.
“Brendon, why the fuck would you park this far back? I’ve never even seen this part of the parking lot!”
They had to have been walking for a decade by now, and they still see no sight of Brendon’s car (partly due to the weather and wind around them). They happened to not be equipped for this weather at all, both wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt.
“Quit being so dramatic. You’re not gonna melt.” Brendon chuckled.
“Yeah, but I might freeze to death. I’ll become a Ryan-sickle. Do you really want that, Bren?” Ryan pouted.
Brendon doubled over laughing at this, the other still pouting. “Im serious! Do you really want a Ryan-sickle on your hands?”
“Aww, my poor sweet Ryan-sickle.” Brendon taunted, rubbing Ryan’s shoulder. “But seriously, my car is right there, so I think you’ll make it.”
Hearing Brendon speak to him in such a way made him feel ways he didn’t wish to feel. I mean, he didn’t mean much by it (probably), but it was still so hot.
And Ryan really hated that he felt this way, hated himself for it.
=============================================
The rode to Denny’s was shorter than the walk to Brendon’s car.
When they pulled in, Jon and Spencer were already at a booth near the back. Since the ride there was so short, Ryan hadn’t had time to warm up, which he was making sure Brendon knew.
“Hey Bren! Hey Ryan!” Spencer called out.
“M’still cold.” Ryan muttered, frowning at Brendon.
The other two hadn’t heard him, but must’ve read his face, because Jon asked, “What’s up with you, Ry? You look pissed.”
Brendon sighed at Ryan. “Poor Ryan had to walk a few minutes to my car, and has become a Ryan-sickle.” Brendon grinned, watching as Ryan’s face grew red from embarrassment.
“A what?” Spencer asked, glancing between the two of them.
“ A Ryan-sickle. He coined the term.” His grin got even larger as he watched Ryan get even redder (if that was even possible). “Such a drama queen” Brendon sighed.
“Shut up! It was cold, and becoming a Ryan-sickle would be a really bad way to go out!” He whined, not enjoying all the attention they were giving him.
“Ryan, always dramatic. Though becoming a Ryan-sickle would be a rough way to go.” Jon said, actually seeming to ponder the situation.
They all laughed about this, even Ryan. Although, Ryan was still a little lost in thought. Because when he was around Brendon, looking gorgeous as always, thinking about anything else proved to be difficult.
========= ========= ========= =========
The waitress came a few minutes later, looking bored.
“Hi, I’m Stella, I’ll be your waitress today. What will you have to drink.” She said, not even looking up from her phone.
“Um… I think everyone just wants waters, thanks.” Brendon said.
When she returned to their table with the waters, her bored expression turned into a grossed-out one. “Here’s your water…” she said, looking at the four of them.
“Thanks!” Brendon chimed in, oblivious to her expression. Ryan noticed it though.
“I’m sorry, did we… do something?” He asked. Ryan could be quick to confront people at times.
“No, you didn’t.” She glared, walking away. Before she was out of earshot, she muttered a ‘faggot’. She knew they could all hear her. She looked right at them when saying it.
All of their faces turned from normal to pissed. Except for Brendon, who just looked confused.
“That bitch…” Spencer muttered, shaking his head. They all did something similar, other than poor, confused Brendon.
“I don’t get it. Why’d she call us fags?” Brendon seemed genuinely distraught; the idea of being called a fag seemed to confuse him.
“Bren. Look around. Then look at us. We’re four eyeliner wearing teenagers, surrounded by random old men and an occasional family. That’s why.” Ryan said, his words having more venom than he meant.
Brendon went to church on Sundays. He was constantly surrounded by people who looked, saw, and thought the exact same way. Brendon had long since grown out of their odd beliefs. He went to church, but didn’t really believe any of it.
But because of how everyone in his life (apart from the three sitting around him) looked relatively the same, he wasn’t used to getting called a fag. Even though he put on eyeliner at school (he wouldn’t dare let his parents see it) and dressed in a somewhat alternative fashion, everyone he knew knew he was Mormon and didn’t dare question his sexuality.
Ryan, Jon, and Spencer, on the other hand, weren’t raised religious. I mean, their family might be the church-on-Easter-and-Christmas crowd, but they weren’t religious like Brendon’s family was.
They got called fags on a regular basis. To most people, they looked the part, which was enough to get given sidelong glances and called slurs.
But with strangers, none of that matters. They’re all ‘fags’ in the public’s eyes.
Ryan hated this. They could all look the same, but because of his family’s Mormon superiority, he got treated differently. Ryan didn’t hate Brendon for it, of course, he just really hated the concept. That’s why he got so defensive when Brendon was clueless about the fag allegations.
“Sorry, I didn’t realise.” Brendon whispered, staring at his lap. Ryan felt so, so sad that he made Brendon look like that. Brendon, the bubbly, social butterfly. Brendon, the guy Ryan just could never seem to stay mad at, because when he apologised, he always seemed to mean it.
Brendon was as close to a god as there was, in Ryan’s eye.
“No, I’m sorry Brendon. I just get… defensive, that’s all. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Ryan assured. He never wanted to be the source of that huge pout on Brendon’s lips again.
“You guys wanna go somewhere else? We didn’t order anything yet, so we could just walk out.” Jon suggested, gaining nods from everyone else at the table.
“Uh… how about my house? I mean, if you guys want.” Spencer suggested. He had the biggest house in any neighbourhood around, and the absolute sweetest parents. Everyone gladly agreed, and got in their respective cars.
Once in the car, Brendon still seemed timid, not wanting to upset Ryan again.
“Y’know Brendon, I’m not mad. Like, at all. But sometimes… I’m just… never mind” Ryan trailed off, looking out the window.
“You’re just what?” Brendon whispered, treating Ryan like a wild animal he didn’t want to scare off.
“Sometimes I’m jealous of you. Because you were raised Mormon, you’re just, like, void of homophobia. But I know how bad the church was for you, so I’m not really jealous. Just sometimes I wish I could be confused when someone says something homophobic instead of immediately understanding.”
Ryan must have let a tear slip that he didn’t know was there, feeling it drip onto his neck. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked away, embarrassed that anyone saw him like this. Especially Brendon.
“Hey Ry, it’s okay. I know what you mean.” Brendon reached over the center console and laced his fingers with Brendon’s, giving him a reassuring smile. Ryan couldn’t help but smile back, that’s just how contagious Brendon’s smile was. He gave Brendon’s hand a squeeze, trying to enjoy it since he figured it would end soon.
But it didn’t.
Brendon’s hand stayed wrapped tightly around Ryan’s for the whole, 20 minute drive to Spencer’s place. It might have been the happiest Ryan ever was.
They both couldn’t stop smiling the whole ride there.