Chapter Text
They’re led down a series of white, bright hallways until they finally get to a small, dark room. There’s a small desk littered with papers, an open laptop, and a male nurse typing furiously. When he sees them walk in he smiles, and the other nurse leaves quickly.
“You’re the brother?” he asks, and Even nods. “And you are…?” Isak shifts his weight, feeling Even’s fingers fumble for his. They squeeze tight. Isak squeezes back.
“Isak,” he says almost reflexively, and Even lets out a small laugh - the sound makes some of the invisible weight lift off his shoulders. The nurse narrows his eyes but doesn’t question him further.
“Alright. You two can go in, buzz if there’s a problem, someone will be right with you.”
As soon as Even walks through the door, Thea sprints at him. He kneels down just in time to wrap her in a hug, her head buried in his neck. He takes a deep breath, and she starts to cry.
Even’s father is standing in the corner, watching silently. After a moment, he clears his throat, and Even looks up.
“I’ll go call Mama.” He leaves without another word, and Thea doesn’t acknowledge anything other than Even, who’s now softly tucking her hair back behind her ears with a single minded focus. He kisses her forehead and wipes her tears with the side of his thumb.
Isak stands somewhat awkwardly by the door, hands in his pockets. Suddenly, Even seems aware of his boyfriend’s presence. He motions for him to sit down on the floor with them, so Isak does. The tile is cold, and he feels sort of...out of place. Even wants him here, but it doesn’t feel as if he belongs.
The room is mostly bare apart from two uncomfortable looking chairs and a small table, the walls decorated with faded stickers of balloons and clouds. The flourescent lighting is harsh, it makes Even look even more pale than he already is.
After what seems like an eternity, Thea extracts herself from the tight embrace and sits cross legged. She’s sort of jittery, Isak notices. She can’t seem to sit completely still, which is very out of character, and her hands keep clenching and unclenching. Her cheeks are still tear stained and she still has the type of shaky breath you get when you cry too hard.
“It’s alright, I’m here,” Even offers quietly, resting a hand on her knee. She nods vigorously. “It’s ok.”
“What is Isak doing? Why is he here?” Her words come out it a rush, almost tumbling over each other.
“We were at home-” Even starts, but Thea cuts him off.
“You and him?”
“Yeah, me and Isak. And Mama called and said you ran away. So Isak came along to help me find you, and now we’re here.” Even’s voice is so calm, Isak wonders how he manages it.
“I don’t like him,” Thea says, hands still clenched into fists. “I don’t. I want him to leave.” Even gives Isak a nervous glance, barely concealing his anxiety. He takes a deep breath, and goes back to stroking her hair.
“You know how you need me?” Even asks, and Thea nods.“I need Isak. I can’t...stay here, if he’s not here.” She presses the heels of her palms against her eyes, shaking her head.
“That’s not fair.” Isak wonders if Thea always gets like this when she’s sick. Never, not ever, has he seen her act anything other than the sweet, loving little girl he’s known for the past few months. “Only you can understand.”
“Tell me all the things you feel, Bird,” Even says quietly.
“I don’t want to.” Tears are still slipping down her cheeks, and Even wipes them gently with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.
“You feel mad?” She frowns. “Ok. That’s ok, to feel mad. Why...why are you so upset today, huh?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s ok to not know. Take a deep breath.”
“No!” She’s crying harder now, almost shouting, and her small frame is trembling.
Isak can’t reconcile the girl in front of him with the one he knows. The Thea he knows likes pancakes in the shapes of stars and when Even braids her hair. She always wears something blue because she thinks it’s good luck. And she thinks Isak is her best friend.
“Do you wanna play a game? With me and Isak?” Even asks, gently wiping tears from her cheeks. She doesn’t respond, just keeps trying to catch her breath. “It’s really easy. I think you’ll like it. Right Isak?”
“Ja. It’s really fun. I remember...Even said yesterday when we played that he wished you were there,” Isak says slowly.
“No he didn’t.” She says quietly, but not angrily. Her breath is still broken and uneven.
“You weren’t there. How would you know? Are you a psychic?” Even teases gently, glancing over at Isak out of the corner of his eye. She shakes her head, straight faced. “It’s called Jeg Kan Fole1,” Even explains.
“I don’t wanna play a game,” she says, and he nods.
“That’s ok. We’ll go first. How it works is,” Even clears his throat, “I say something that I can feel or see or hear or smell or taste, and we go around in a circle and don’t repeat. So…” He takes a deep breath. “I see Isak.”
“I…” Isak trails off. He looks over at the little girl sitting across from him, her hair stuck to her cheek, and wonders how on earth he can possibly make her feel better. “I smell lemons.”
“Deep breath,” Even reminds her, and she nods.
“I can feel my head hurting,” she says.
They go around and around until the nurse comes back with Even’s mother, and Thea’s breathing is even and her eyes are dry.
---
“I’m so sorry you got...dragged into this,” Even says, and Isak tightens his grip on the older boy’s cold hand. They’re waiting outside for Isak’s bus - Even is sleeping at the hospital but Isak is going back to the kollektivet.
“You didn’t drag me into anything,” Isak whispers back, but Even doesn’t reply. Without a thought, Isak pulls him into a tight hug, reveling in the soft warmth of their bodies pressed against each other in contrast to the biting air.
He presses a kiss to Even’s cheek, and the older boy lets out a heavy breath
“Intellectually, I know you wouldn't be here unless you wanted to be, but it still feels…” Even trails off.
“I know,” Isak whispers back.
“In the back of my mind I always have a little ‘when's it going to be too much’ and what if it's my sister? What if next time it's me?” Even asks quietly. Isak gives him another soft kiss, not sure what else to do.
“Minute by minute, yeah?” He asks finally, and Even quirks a tiny smile.
“Yeah.”
“Sounds easy,” Isak says with a wink and Even laughs, looking more relaxed than he has since they’d gotten the call.
“Love you,” he whispers, and places a quick kiss to Isak’s lips. The bus is coming to a halt beside them, the brakes squealing. Isak kisses him back before pulling away.
“Love you too.”
When Isak is sitting on the cold, nearly empty bus, he draws a heart on the foggy window, and thinks he can see Even smiling back.