Chapter Text
You think, naively, that if you admit things to yourself, accept their relationship, you’ll be okay. It only takes the sudden nauseous turning in your stomach after Shiho makes a particularly snide comment about where Mikaela’s fangs go in regards to Yuu for you to realize you are terribly wrong. Amidst Yuu’s indignant response and Mitsuba’s cries of disgust you politely excuse yourself from the group and launch yourself in whatever direction is not here.
You are crouched behind what used to be a wall and are trying to settle yourself when you hear footsteps approaching behind you. Narumi’s head appears above yours, concern clear on his face.
Crap, you never took Narumi into account. So far you’ve been blessed with the most oblivious teammates in the world, sans Shinoa, whom you’ve taken great pains to avoid having any sort of meaningful conversation with. Your mind races to come up with any excuse that could possibly convince him that you are fine and he can leave.
A hand waves in front of your face and you blink, turning to see Narumi has planted himself on his knees beside you and is looking at you expectantly.
“I guess that answers my question,” he says, pulling his hand back and shifting onto his heels.
You chuckle nervously. “Sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?”
“I asked if you were okay.”
“No, I’m fine!” the words nearly trip over themselves in your haste to come up with something convincing. “I just… I needed to sit down, it’s hot out you know and that kind of humor isn’t really my kind of thing and we’re running out of firewood… for the fire…”
You can tell he bought exactly none of that from the look he gives you, but instead of responding he turns and looks off into the distance, and you take the opportunity his silence gives you to try and convince Gekkoin to stop laughing at you.
“Do you want to know what tipped me off? Today, I mean. I’ve know you liked him since the day we met.”
Your mouth opens automatically to deny it, but you close it just as fast, knowing there’s no point. You sigh instead.
“What was it?” you ask, dejectedly.
Narumi is still not looking at you when he answers. “Usually, I’ve noticed, when Kimizuki and Yuu get really into it you step in and try to deescalate, but this time you just sort of got this pinched look on your face and like, ran away. After a moment, they stopped arguing on their own and stood there looking confused. I think they might’ve realized something was off, though I’m sure for the life of them they couldn’t figure it out.”
You don’t know whether to be amused at your friends’ antics or alarmed at how easy you were for Narumi to read, so you settle for a sort of half-laugh-half-sigh in response. He’s got it right, about the three of you; especially how predictable you are when it comes to trying to keep the peace.
You both fall into silence again after that, the only noise the small sounds you both make as you shift to make yourselves comfortable on the hard ground. Narumi lays back against the wall and closes his eyes, and you focus on the mole underneath the left one as you work up the nerve to ask him a question.
“What was it I did to make you notice, at first?”
Narumi opens one eye and frowns. “What?”
You fidget, greatly uncomfortable. “You said… you knew since you first met us that I, you know…um. How?”
Narumi closes his eye again and hums, turning his face away from yours. “I just noticed, is all.”
Oh, interesting. Gekkoin comments, but you ignore them in favor of gripping the sides of your head in horror.
“You’re not serious!” You whine. “Am I really that obvious?! Does everyone know?!” You suddenly recall how Shinya asking if you had a crush on anyone and are instantly gripped with terror. Your sad infatuation is and has been blatantly obvious to literally everyone. Everyone knows. God, Guren knows.
Your near-hysterics seem to be catching, because Narumi now seems flustered himself. He takes your hands in his in order to get you to stop shaking him.
“I mean, kind of, but no?” he answers, “To be fair, I was kind of paying a little more attention to you than is normal, though.” He lets go of your hands and is looking strictly at the ground for this last admission.
Interesting! Gekkoin laughs, and you pout.
“You don’t have to sound so regretful,” you tell him. “I get it.”
“Do you?”
You nod and wrap your arms around your legs. “It’s no secret that I’m the weakest fighter in the group. I’m used to being scrutinized.”
Narumi finally lifts his head to gaze at you for an uncomfortably long moment before rubbing tiredly at his face and starting to get up.
“You don’t get it.”
You are too confused to say anything, and Gekkoin’s amusements curls around the base of your skull. It’s only after replaying the whole conversation in your head as you watch Narumi do you finally get it.
It’s too late, however; Narumi has all but rejoined the group, and it’s about time you did as well. You’re left having to push aside your new revelation in order to rally yourself and invent a decent excuse for bolting.
By the time you make it back to the groups campsite Kimizuki and Yuu are arguing yet again. You’ve never been more thankful for teenage aggression in your life. You don’t shirk your self-imposed duty this time and immediately start placating, giving yourself a pat on the back when your quick thinking (“Why don’t we all just turn in for the night?”) both ends the yelling and saves you from dealing with Shinoa’s knowing scrutiny and Mikaela’s distrustful glares.
Narumi’s subtle avoidance of looking at you altogether is harder to ignore, though.
*
You would compliment Narumi’s avoidance skills if they weren’t being used against you. Your own leave something to be desired; Shinoa backs you into a corner and almost succeeds in making you start talking about your feelings sooner rather than later, and it’s only a Horsemen attack that saves you. It takes nearly a week of both dodging Shinoa and hunting down Narumi before you finally find the excuse of a joint bathroom break and are able to drag him off somewhere to speak to him privately.
Narumi opts to take a careful study of the secluded alley you’ve followed him into instead of acknowledging you. He’s ignored your attempts at small talk the whole week, so you stand in front and vow to just cut to the chase, before realizing you don’t actually know what you’re going to say.
“Can I piss or what,” Narumi says, sounding more than a little annoyed.
“You like me,” you blurt out.
“Did,” Narumi says, and moves to shoulder his way past you.
“Wait,” you grab his arm, still unsure of what you plan on saying.
“I’m sorry for being dense,” is what comes out, and you decide to go with it. “I always thought Yuu was obstuse, but here I am,” you laugh uncertainly, “I guess you can miss things when you get too caught up in yourself.”
Narumi isn’t saying anything or looking at you, but he hasn’t pulled his arm out of your grasp yet either, so you push on. “What is it you want, Narumi? From me.”
He glances towards you with an unexpectedly sorrowful look in his eyes that reminds you, not for the first time, of all the hell you’ve all been through the past few weeks.
“Nothing,” he says, looking away again.
You have all been through a lot, you think, but Narumi has been through the same and then some, and you can’t stop from thinking about how he must feel, a leader without his team and stuck with untrained strangers in a barren wasteland. You also think about how warm his arm is in your hand.
“You must be lonely, Narumi,” you whisper. You try to pull him closer, and he is surprised enough by the gesture that he lets you. “I don’t mean to make you feel like a second choice, but I want to try be something to you. We both only have so much left, after all.”
Narumi tenses up, and you think for a second that he is going to leave again, but he asks, almost too softly for you to hear, “Can I kiss you?”
“Please,” you say, and he does.
*
Mikaela gives you one of his suspicious stares when the two of you return. You meet his eyes and smile, as usual, but this time, it feels just a little less fake.